Life behind Hazel Eyes - 11. After Math

Waking up all I could think about is how annoying the sun was. Shit, it was winter and the sun was out in the early hours just to disrupt my sleep. I tossed and turned for the longest of time trying to get back to sleep, but to no avail. So, I decided to reach over to my bedside table and grab my phone, but ended up grabbing a crumpled up piece of paper. Oh yeah, that wasn’t a nightmare or part of some crazy lucid dream. I took the monstrous page and crumpled it up even more. Part of me wanted to burn it, but I had to show it to Miranda. I got up with the note in hand and walked over to my phone that I found nestled in the pocket of my jeans. I took out the device, took a picture of the note and sent it to Miranda. I walked out of my room, leaving my phone in the charger, and while my mind was empty. All I did was sleepwalk to the kitchen; I noticed the people around me and greeted them, but my mind wasn’t really there.

“Mikhail?” I heard Donald say.

“Oh, morning Donald,” I said waking up from my trance.

“What are you doing up so early?”

“The sun hates me,” I said as I walked past him to go get myself a cup of coffee. I looked at him and saw the puzzled look on his face. “The sunrays woke me up, I forgot to close the blinds last night, now I look like this.” The older man just laughed at me and gave me a pat on the back when I walked past him again with my cup of coffee in hand.

“Just go back to sleep, it’s only 07:00. " Donald made it seem like I had all day to just be lazy.

“Isn’t Nicky going to be late?” I asked curiously. On a good day Mom would already be in traffic at this time, but I couldn’t even find her.

“As long as she’s paying the bills, she can be as late as she wants,” her voice preceded her as a friendly chime. Mom was always a bit wittier than Dad. The latter was goofy while the former, well she was just her.

“Morning to you too Nicky,” I said as she gave me a kiss on the cheek.

“I’ll see you later sweetheart. I’m running very late, and I’m trusting Donald to be as fast as ever.” She was already halfway out of the kitchen, even though she had just entered.

“Why aren’t you driving yourself?” I asked as my curiosity reached fever pitch.

“Well, that’s a highly-guarded secret. Talk later. Donald let’s get to it,” she said as she closed the lid of her travel mug. I sat there and watched as she and Donald left. I remained in the kitchen talking to Veronica for half an hour before she chased me away, saying I was disturbing her. I shuffled my feet back to my room. I was going to go back to sleep before I I realised I hadn’t sent Melissa and Paul the email for my little performance. I managed to manoeuvre myself to where my laptop was and I dove into emailing the attendees. I found myself smiling foolishly at the idea of seeing Angelique’s shocked face when we just break into song. It sounds bad but I want her to grovel for my forgiveness and maybe give back my role, but that’s asking for too much.

After sending the emails I decided that I might as well take a shower and go to the restaurant. It's open from 09:00 up until 22:00, and the breakfast rush wasn’t a bad crowd, so I could handle being there until noon. The assistant manager, Adam, was probably the one to open, seeing as Connor closed last night. They both worked according to a system based on rotation, one week one would open and the next week the other would open. To be quiet frank, I gave no fuck when it came to their comings and goings, I only cared whether the numbers added up or not. Having done accounting up to third year I was good at understanding the books, and in some cases I’d sit in on meetings with Dad and the accountant we were allocated by the accounting firm Dad insisted we use.

After showering I decided on one of the simplest outfit I could think of. I took out a pair of blue denim jeans that had minor rips by the knees, a grey paura sweatshirt, and let the curls in my hair do their thing. My only problem was figuring out which shoes to wear; I walked around the room doing everything but choose a pair of shoes. I finally decided on a pair of Nikes and just left, time had flown and work was calling

I drove over to work in a much better mood; the music I was playing had lifted my spirits. There was nothing like a good jam to get me in a happy state. No host at the door in the morning, as Dad found it pointless; people could come in as they chose in the mornings. From noon onwards was the time for reservations, because that was when things usually got chaotic. And that was the time I wanted to out of there by. I walked in the restaurant and greeted everyone, but found Adam wasn’t around. I assumed he went to do banking or something outside that related to his work. So, I headed for the office to start working.

In the quaint office that was situated between the men’s bathroom and the kitchen, I sat down comfortably and took off my glasses. I usually hated working in the office, it was restricting and stuffy, but I was on a mission to get work done and see exactly how the business was doing. Whether it was doing great or not I wanted to devise a marketing campaign, but knowing my father, he’d want reasons and evidence to substantiate my plan. I needed to get to work on finding my reason. I was as sure as the day was starting that there was something Connor overlooked, or there was an area where he was under performing. My little treasure hunt was working out fine until I heard a knock on the door.

“Come in,” I said with a friendly tone. The door opened and a sheepish Matthew’s head peered in.

“I heard you wanted to see me,” he was back to being jittery again. Something had to be bothering this young man. Matthew was a year or two younger than me, a very polite and easy-going young man. I first noticed him on his first day; he had an aura of confidence to him. When he spoke to customers he spoke to them with a familiarity and a large amount of respect. I enjoyed watching him work, and now that he was reduced to this feeble state, which bothered me.

“Oh yeah,” I said shaking my head to clear my thoughts. I watched as Matthew came in, closed the door and grabbed a seat. I honestly didn’t know what I was going to say, or what I was going to say. Being the boss was new to me and I didn’t know what to do. How I was going to conduct myself? SHIT! Reason number fifteen as to why I preferred to be on stage instead of an office.

“Uhm,” he said in his shaky voice. His tone was enough to pull me out of my little inward battle as to what I was going to say.

“Ok, let me start by saying…” Shit what was I going to say? “We both know I’m not Connor, Adam, or my father. So, we're just going to have a casual conversation and see where this goes. Cool?” he nodded in agreement. I leaned back in my seat and flashed him a smile.

“How you doing, man?” I asked as if I was talking to Marvin or one of his boys.

“I’m good thanks, and you?” He gave me a puzzled look.

“I’m great, had a shitty morning though. The bloody sun ruined my damn sleep,” I said rubbing my eyes for added effect.

“Yeah, I hate when that happens. Late evening?” he asked, seeming to become less and less jittery.

“Yes actually, my father and I had long conversations until late.” LIES the voice at the back of my head screamed. I learnt that if you want an employee to trust you, disclose something intimate about yourself. I got that from the one lesson of industrial psychology that I actually paid attention to. The lecturer never said the fact had to be a lie or not.

“I wish my dad and I got along…” He was going to go on, but he caught himself.

“Matthew? What’s going?” I asked as I reached over to stroke his hand. He moved it away with haste and held his hands together. “Matt, you know you can talk to me right? What we talk about is our business not anyone else’s.” He nodded, and lifted his eyes from the floor to look at me.

“I know I shouldn’t be bothering you with my personal problems... They're mine to deal with, but it’s just that you…” he stopped and seemed to be calculating his thoughts. “I shouldn’t be talking to you. I should leave.” He was halfway off his seat when he spoke.

“If you leave through that door without us finishing this conversation, you are fired Matthew.” I said in a stern voice, I don’t know what came over me. I had to take charge of the situation, and that was the only way I knew how.

“You can’t do that,” he replied sheepishly. He was frozen next to the chair that he had once occupied.

“I know I can’t. But if you keep acting the way you were last night, then Connor might and I won’t be able to help you.” Matthew’s face seemed to turn pale and he stood there and stared at one spot on the table, and I guessed what he had to say was hard. “Matt, sit down. What’s the worst that can come from talking to me? I can’t judge you for anything, being gay forfeits my right to judge.” I spoke in a playful tone, to make sure the environment remained friendly. Just as I finished my little talk I saw the edge of his mouth curl. I was hopeful that he was going to smile but he didn’t; he fought the urge and instead sat down again.

“How did your dad take it?” he asked almost in a whisper.

“Take what?” I asked tilting my head to the side.

“You know,” he said sheepishly and his face turned beet red. “Being gay.”

My mind froze for a second, and somehow I had let out a laugh.

“Well it was easier for me, seeing as I’ve always been flamboyant and out there. When I finally told them, I was sixteen and my dad looked at me and said ‘You know we’ve have eleven years to prepare ourselves for this moment, right?’. To them it seemed like another normal day, but of course they’d expected it. I’m guessing your dad didn’t take it well?” My tone was annoying; it was soft and comforting. It was the tone my mother used often with me. How the hell did I manage to sound like my mother?

“Well… wait, how did you know?” he asked, shocked as if finally realising what was going on. I gave him a stare that said ‘really now,’ and that seemed to get him on track again.

“Well, he and I barely had a great relationship when I was young. He’d always find something negative to say to me. It wasn’t like he hated me, well I’m not sure about that now, but he just was always abusive. Verbally that is. That’s why I got this job, the more time I spent away from home the happier I was, but he hated my independence. I don’t know what it was or is, but he just…” he'd stopped because he was choked up with emotion

At this point I had moved around the table and positioned myself on the chair next to his. Hand on his back as he spoke, my heart on the floor as he recalled all the horrible things ever said to him.

“Matthew, is that why you’ve been working doubles for the past two weeks? So you can escape his homophobic slurs?” I was getting angry, but I kept my temper under control. Being hot headed wouldn’t help.

“Yeah,” he said shaking his head at what I assumed was a memory of something that had happened. A small laugh followed; it must’ve been hysteria. “You know what the worst part was?” he asked as he laughed in pain. “When I came out; he said that the only reason I’m gay is because you brainwashed me. And he said he forbids me from ever coming back here.” He let out an even louder fake laugh, followed by tears.

I watched as the poor boy broke down in front of me. I didn’t know what to do. Why didn’t they cover this in any of the modules I did in university? In panic, I crouched next to him and rubbed circular motions on his back while I contemplated a plan of action. He seemed to calm down a bit. But his sobs were muffled and ongoing.

“It’s all going to work fine. You are in your final year, right?” I asked tentatively.

“Yeah, I’m not sure about that, I might be failing a few things. I don’t know Mikhail. After seeing you so happy with your boyfriend last night, I just wanted to break down. I want that too, to be able to take my boyfriend out on a date and just not worry about being hated by my father for being me.” He broke down into more sobs. I pulled him up and hugged him; grabbed his face in both of my hands and smiled at him.

“It’s going to be fine. Give me three minutes and I’ll be back, when I come back everything will work out fine.” I looked him in his eyes and I noticed the dark circles around them, he probably hasn’t slept properly for the past two weeks. He nodded and I let him sit, I grabbed my phone and headed out of the office. “No one enter that damn room! Not even Adam!” I said as I made my way through the somewhat empty restaurant. I went to my car, opened it and sat for a few seconds, pulled out my phone and got my thoughts in order.

“Damien, are you busy?” I asked in a stern and official voice.

“No, I’m not,” said the much older and more commanding man. “What’s wrong Mikhail?” He sounded more concerned than anything else.

“Well, one of the employees at the restaurant is having troubles at home,” I replied keeping my level of professionalism.

“Oh, in that case give them a day off.” The response was more cold and without worry.

“That’s one of my solutions. But it’s more extensive than that.”

“Mikhail, don’t speak in drips and drabs. Say what you have to say.” The voice was sterner than when it started out.

“Okay, Dad – " I started but got cut short.

“Is this about business or family?” he asked, his voice still stern.

“Business,” I said trying to be firm again.

“Then don’t call me Dad. I’m not your father at work; I’m only your father at home and outside of business hours.” This was a speech I got every time I called him ‘Dad’ when I was in front of staff or when we were talking about work. I have to stay I appreciated the fact that he was harder on me than everyone else. It groomed me into working the hardest and being able to make wiser decisions in life.

“I apologise, Damien,” I said getting back on the ball. “One of the employees is under performing majorly…” I said in a stern and very official voice while telling Matthew’s story and getting into my plan of action.

“I’m proud of you, son. You’ve got my go ahead,” he said in a softer and gentler tone.

“Mikhail! Stick to Mikhail, your son doesn’t work here,” I said containing my laughter.

“See you tonight, Princess. Daddy loves you.” With that the phone went dead. That man knew how to treat me like a twelve-year-old, even though I was making grown–man decisions. But I loved him to death. After hanging up I left my phone on the passenger’s seat of the car, locked the vehicle and walked back into the restaurant.

“Adam was looking for you, Mr Lucas,” said a shaky voice that I wasn’t familiar with. I looked and found it was a beautiful girl with the most beautiful hair ever. I smiled at her before replying.

“Tell him I left, and that he’ll need to call someone to cover Matthew’s shifts for the next two days. Oh, and you look beautiful by the way,” I said while looking at her, she smiled and I dashed off to Matthew. Opening the door in the haste I was in caused Matthew to jump out of his skin.

“Sorry to give you a fright. Get up we’re leaving,” I said as I moved over to the table to grab a few things, but I stopped for a second when I noticed the look on Matthew’s face.

“What about work?” he asked.

“I’m taking mine with me,” I said as I grabbed what was left of my workload in my hands. “If you feel like carrying the entire restaurant, then by all means…” I said as I motioned him to the door. He shook his head and followed me out of the office, as we walked out we bumped into Adam.

“What’s this I hear? He cannot just be off for two days straight without an explanation,” Adam said in a raised voice. “Who authorised that? You can’t just come in here and demand things be done your way. It’s bad enough I couldn’t finish all my admin, because you were doing Lord knows what in that office.” Adam had his finger raised and he was attracting eyes to us. As he was about to respond, I raised my hand.

“Now, listen here, you better get yourself in check before I gather you myself. One thing you need to know right now, and every damn time you think of speaking to me – whichever way you choose – is what name signs your damn paycheck. Now, you better pray to whoever you pray to that when I come back I’m in a forgiving mood, because I will not allow insubordination. Got it?” Silence; instead all I got was a nod. “Good, now go do your work. I’ll be back by 13:00. You’ve got until then to get your shit together.” I looked over to Matthew and nodded towards the door before we continued on our journey. We got to my car and I unlocked it before we got in.

“Mikhail…” Matthew was still jittery. “I don’t want to cause trouble for you. I really don’t mind working doubles. It’s the only way to – ”

“Don’t think that was about you, I think he found out that his best friend Connor is going to be gone for six weeks. Judging by the dark circles under your eyes you need more than two days’ worth of rest.” I was back to my calm self, not that I was fuming when I was talking to Adam. I hardly lost my temper; the only person who managed to rally me up to the verge of physical violence was Brian. Thinking of which, he hadn’t called or tried to make contact since he wanted me to have dinner with him. I should be worried, he never remains still unless he's plotting something.

“Mikhail!” Matthew said snapping his fingers in front of me.

“Oh sorry,” I said as I started the engine. “What were you saying?” I asked as I began to get us out of the parking lot.

“Where are we going?” His curiosity was peaking.

“We’re going to your place.” I saw the look on his face and it wasn’t pleasant. “Matt I know you’re scared, but you don’t have to be. We're going to go fetch all your clothing; I already spoke to my dad...” I said in my friendly and easygoing tone. “Left or Right?” I asked as I got to a stop sign three blocks away from the restaurant.

“Right, but you don’t – ”

“I know I don’t have to do it. I want to, I believe you deserve to finish your education and love who you want. While still maintaining your job, we’ll go over all of this later. For now just give me direction to your house.” I turned to smile and give him a wink; I wanted him to know that he was going to be fine. That someone believed in his dream and he’d be able to love whomever he wanted.

“Well, I live in Midrand, I hope you know how to get there.” He was not as jittery as he was before, but he wasn’t very comfortable either. I could only imagine how difficult things were, and how heartbroken he felt.

“Damn right I know, matter of fact, I even know that it’s going to take us…” I looked at the time on my phone. “About twenty-two minutes, depending on which route I take.” I said with an air of confidence.

“What if I told you we could make it in sixteen?” he said as he raised an eyebrow at me. He was starting to loosen up.

“In that case, pay attention to the road and show me the way,” I said with a giggle and he joined me, but with only a smile. “By the way, he isn’t my boyfriend,” I said remembering what Matt had said about Marvin and me.

“Excuse me?” he replied seemingly confused.

“Earlier you said after seeing me last night with my boyfriend, you decided you want that.” I looked over to see him nod, and also give me directions using his hands rather than verbal cues. “Well, the guy, he isn’t my boyfriend. He’s a friend of mine, a straight one at that,” I said calmly as I took a right turn.

“Well, I’m sorry for assuming.” His voice was back to being apologetic.

“No need to be sorry,” I said brushing it off, even using a hand gesture. “I have a question for you Matt.”

“Go ahead,” he said with a little bit of confidence.

“What happened to you? Don’t take this the wrong way, but you used to be so confident and everyone who was around you just wanted to talk to you and be around you. Now all that charm and self-assurance is gone. As a matter of fact, if you don’t want to answer it don’t, it’s silly of me to ask.” I shook my head as I thought about my question. What a bitch thing to ask; the poor guy is in shambles and here I am asking him why he isn’t happy. Real genius I was asking that question.

“Take a left here and stop at the third house on your left.” Matthew was calm and seemed to have not taken note of my question. “Shit. Oh shit,” he said frantically.

“What Matthew?” I asked panicking as well; I thought he had seen a ghost the way the colour drained out of his face.

“He’s here. He was supposed to be at work. Mikhail let’s not do this,” he said frightened. Seeing him like that, so horrified to go into his own home, made me feel horrible for not noticing the signs earlier.

“Matt, I can come in with you if you want, but one thing I won’t do is turn this car around until we have all your stuff in it.” There was a newfound confidence in me as I spoke; I even made sure I parked the car in the driveway with the rear facing the house. This was going to be a quick drive by, and we’d get away fast.

“Okay,” Matthew said after taking three deep breaths. “My room is in the front of the house, his is at the very back. He's probably in there watching sports, my step-mother is probably in the lounge watching Soaps with our maid. So, we’ll open the door take a right into my bedroom, pack fast and leave without being seen. The key will be not to shut the front door until we’ve got everything. Yeah, that’s it.” The last part was for him, I knew that sneaking out of your own house in that manner must’ve been the toughest shit alive. But it had to be done.

I nodded at him and switched off the engine to my car. He got out and started walking to the house first. I unlocked the boot and left it slightly open so that we didn’t have to struggle when we came running out. The idea of running away made me excited, the thought of Matthew’s father chasing us in a high-speed chase through Johannesburg was even more exhilarating. Once Matthew was in the house, he signalled that I could come, once inside I found his room easily and he had already started packing. He threw a bag in my direction and I grabbed it and ran to his closet and started shoving things in. By the end of our raid we had four bags, two each and they were heavy as hell. Matthew had left somethings because he said he didn’t want them, but his skateboard he said he’d come back for the next day and tell his parents. On our way out Matthew checked for movement before signalling for me to move first. I moved as fast as I could, my heart racing and my hands clammy, I didn’t even turn around to see if Matt was on his way or not. Only the sound of the door reassured me that he was truly behind me. I ran to the boot, opened the thing entirely, and threw both bags in there; I left the door hanging while I got into the car and got it started. By the time Matt was at the passengers’ door the car was inching out of his driveway; I had just been waiting for him to get comfortable before I pulled off speeding.

“Gladys saw me, or possibly both of us, but she shooed me along and started to vacuum by the door so when I shut it so I wouldn’t be heard.” Relieved was the most overpowering emotion in his voice, and I was happy for Gladys’s help.

“That shit was scary, “I said as I laughed. Surprisingly he joined me, it felt fun just having conversations with him. No worry just fun even if he was just indulging for a minute.

“So, where do you live? We even passed the route to work like sixteen minutes ago,” he asked impatiently.

“Well, that means we have about twelve more to go,” I said calmly.

“Until we get to where?” He persisted, but did so in a polite and friendly way. I was glad that he was more relaxed and that he could crack jokes, it meant progress.

“Until we get to Bryanston,” I said with ease and matter-of-factly.

“OH!” he said recoiling back to wherever he goes when he shuts up. “Uh… Mikhail. I’m not sure I can do this.”

“Do what? All you have to sleep, eat, poop, work, and repeat. There’s nothing else, besides go to classes. So, what is it you can’t do?” I asked still in a friendly manner, I knew what he was doing but I wasn’t going to allow him to go back to where he used to live.

“This is my problem, I should handle it my own way. You shouldn’t be doing all this; it’s not your fight. I appreciate it, but taking me into your house is a big step. What if your mother doesn’t like me? What if my father comes to cause trouble for you? What if…” He was trying to get a way out; his hands were on his lap fiddling with his fingers: Jittery voice accompanied by fidgety actions.

“Oh, okay then. Where should I take you?” I asked as I pulled off the road and parked the car under a tree; thank goodness we were in a residential area, so there was ample free space to park. I looked over to see Matthew still twiddling his thumbs and his face and eyes were focused on his hands. “Do you have a friend or relative in mind?” I doubted that he had anyone to turn to, I was just trying … fuck I don’t know what I was doing.

“Uh…” he replied with a slight lift of the head.

“Matthew,” I said turning his face to look to me. “We aren’t going to force you to stay with us. My parents both like you: that’s why they always insist that you be their waiter. I can take you wherever you think you’ll be safe and free to do as you please.” I noticed that during my talk, his eyes kept darting around us looking at the surrounding houses.

“I… It’s just… argh, let’s just go.” He hung his head in defeat. I got the car started, and we drove the little distance remaining. The rest of the trip was in silence, but I wasn’t expecting him to speak. I understood where he was coming from. I’d also have a hard time accepting the fact that I now had to live with my boss. It would be so weird, to live with someone else’s family when my own doesn’t accept me. Shit, I couldn’t begin to imagine how heart wrenching that is. My thought came to an end when I had to pull out the remote control to open the gate.

“This is it, huh?” His voice came out almost as a whisper.

“Yup,” I said as I stopped the car. “It’s…”

“It’s big. Is it only three of you that live here?” I laughed at his reaction, throughout the drive he had been concerned about so much, and now his concern was the size of the house.

“Yes, some of the staff lives with us, but they live at the back. I’ll give you a tour once you put your bags down.” He nodded as I spoke; we got his bags out of the boot and moved towards the house. Matt had gone silent again, I was starting to guess that it was a constant theme in his life, silence that is. Once inside I took him to the room he’d be staying in, I showed him to my own in case he wanted someone to talk to. The rest of the tour went by with so much ease, but Matt only spoke randomly, chiming ‘yes’ or ‘no’. I had managed to introduce him to most of the staff, the ones that weren’t too busy. We only had two nannies and one gardener, the gardener was knee deep in tree leaves and we weren’t going to interrupt him. Veronica and Amanda were very nice to him and told him he could feel free to ask for anything. The two of them were just probably crushing on him. We ended the tour in his room and he looked worried.

“Look, just take a nap. I’m sure you haven’t had proper sleep in ages. I’ll be back before you know it, then we can talk about things later,” I said as I turned to leave the room.

“I can’t sleep during the day,” he said sheepishly, half whispering. I turned so that I could face him.

“Then go for a swim out back, or talk to Veronica to give you one of my sleeping pills.” I then turned and headed out. I wanted to stay but I had to sort out the entire work situation.

Fifteen minutes later, and almost two car accidents later, I was at the restaurant. One thing I hate about driving close to noon was the fact that people drove recklessly in a rush to get to wherever the hell they were going. By the time I got into L'angolo al Quinto, I was irritated and getting really frustrated. I’d forgotten all about the chipper mood I was in that morning. I walked straight into the office and greeted everyone I walked by. I even stopped and spoke to one of the waiters. I found Adam working hard in the office; he was startled when I walked into the office.

“Mikhail, about earlier,” he said sounding apologetic.

“It’s okay. Just never speak to me like that. Ever,” I said stoically. It’s not that I didn’t want to fight with the employees; part of being a good boss is having good relationships with your team. “Listen, let’s get this workload over with and then we can grab a glass of wine to loosen up. What do you say?” I shot him a smile as I sat, and he returned it and nodded to show his agreement. We worked together for a good hour and we even had inside jokes that were completely stupid. As he talked me through the situation with the number of customer comments and general complaints from staff I felt my phone vibrate. It was a short rhythmic vibration that meant it was a text; I looked and saw it was from David.

‘Please let him be texting for an afternoon quickie,’ I thought to myself. But I was about to open it when I saw that it had an attachment, my mind went into panic mode. ‘Please don’t let it be a picture of his penis! Please Lord. I can’t be opening such pictures with Adam stealing glances at my phone.’ The voices in my head were alive with concern. I quickly shoved my phone into my pocket.

“How about we take a break? I’ll go over the minutes from this meeting later; I’ll get back to you on what I have in mind to solve our problems. Then we can organise a meeting with Damien,” I said in a pleasant yet assertive tone.

“Yeah, it’s about time I got off the books. I’ll check on the floor before I return with the wine.” he said as he got up to leave the charming room.

“Get me honey and melon water, with a bite to eat. I don’t feel like liquor,” I said nonchalantly. That was the second time I turned down liquor in two days, something must’ve been wrong. I heard the door close and I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I went to David’s message; nervously, I opened it. I was expecting his penis, but instead I got a picture of his HIV test results. I let out a chuckle at how ridiculously horny I was, and what an idiot he was. The picture was accompanied by a message.

I hope this entitles me to some ass.

I was happy that he was HIV–negative and that he’d actually kept his word about going for a test before we got together again. I looked at it, let out a sigh of relief and decided that I’d go to get myself tested too, and do the same.

'You got me thinking that was your D.' I replied, and waited for a response.

'That’s for later when I come pick you up.' I was smiling like a sex-crazed loon when Adam got back, and like a school child who’d been caught, I hurriedly hid my phone.

“Thanks for the food,” I said with a smile and dug into the sandwich. After the second bite something in my head clicked. There I was having a nice lunch, but Matthew is probably in his room too scared to go get something to eat. “I have to go. Just give that to the homeless kids around the corner. I forgot to sort something out at home,” I said as I gathered the minutes of our meeting, as well as my phone and car keys. I stormed out so fast that I almost knocked over a few people on my way out. I drove a lot better than I walked; there weren’t any near accidents on my way home. I managed to make the twelve-minute drive a ten minute one. Once in the yard I walked in and everyone was laughing in the kitchen. Matthew was the centre of attention in board shorts and dripping all over the floor.

“Hey Mikhail,” Matt said waving for me to come to them, there was something about seeing the smile on his face that made the world seem at peace. “I’m telling Veri and Manda about how the gardener fell into the pool when he was scooping the leaves out. I was just tanning and I heard a big splash and I saw him almost drowning, so I ran to save him.” The two ladies laughed and hung on every word the young boy said like two schoolgirls. He even gave them nicknames; when I had tried that they almost killed me. I couldn’t wait to tell them he's gay, and shatter their little fantasies.

“We have nicknames now, that’s cool. Where’s Victor now?” I asked as I went to the fridge to get something to drink.

“Heeh, you know where he always is,” Amanda replied in a dismissive manner. I was shocked, but then I remembered that I was interrupting their lust–filled moment.

“Veronica, what’s for lunch?” I asked hoping that she was at least not on the same page as Amanda.

“You came from a restaurant, why didn’t you eat there?” I just stood by the fridge and just laughed at what I was experiencing. It was going to be such fun to break their hearts. “Veronica, do you see, Matthew wants food?” I shot Matthew a wink to get him to go along with the plan.

“I’ll make him food; not you, you can make a plan.” Everyone laughed and Veronica got up and started preparing lunch as I made my way to my room.

“Mikhail, don’t you want to join me for a swim?” Matt asked in a cheerful voice.

“Give me a second to change first, then I’ll be down.” Something positive had to come out of there being a sun. It wasn’t a very hot day, but it was humid and I didn’t take well to humidity.

I got to my room and got dressed in my speedos, swimming cap, and threw my towel over my shoulders. I walked past a mirror and took a glance at my body and walked on. I had a swimmers body with dancers’ legs, thighs and ass. To me I was just an average guy with an average body, but according to Brian it was hot. But he went ahead and cheated anyway, so fuck his point of view. I made my way downstairs and Veronica was making food.

“No running in the house Mikhail!” She said as I started to do a run up for my dive. I ignored her and continued running. I was still on the grass when I threw my towel down while trying not to miss a step. I jumped into the water causing a big splash and gaining a round of applause from Matt.

“That was a good dive,” he said as he swam over.

“Thanks,” I said looking for my swimming cap that had slipped off. I took a dive underwater to look for it, but I couldn’t find it where I had landed. My hair was sure to go into a fucking frizzy afro.

“I think you didn’t put on your cap properly,” Matt said pointing to the grass. The smile on his face was genuine and warm. The boyish kind that no one could say no to.

“Well fuck it, it’s too late now. Let’s swim,” I said mumbling a few swear words under my breath. I decided to take another dip underwater as Matt spoke. I was going to grab his leg from underneath, but he clearly must’ve seen me because he swam away and we started to play a round of tag. We goofed off for what seemed to be ages until we heard Veronica scream, and I mean literally scream my name. We got out and headed to the house for lunch.

“Out! Wet,” Veronica said frantically as she pointed at us. “Dry floor! OUT!” Amanda commanded, finishing her colleague’s sentence. I continued walking, but in a fast pace, while Matt stood by the door. I received a few swear words from the two ladies in Xhosa. I got to the two plates set aside for Matt and me, then ran out with both of them in hand. I let out a loud laugh when I got outside.

“I used to do that when I was young, the two of them even had a method of locking me out if the saw me walking towards the door. So, I had to dry every bit of myself off before walking in again,” I said as I got settled under one of the shadiest spots in the yard. Matt sat beside me and we ate in silence, a comfortable one that made it okay not to speak.

“It started a few months ago when the verbal abuse got worse,” Matthew began, but I was a bit confused. Never one to interrupt, I kept quiet and let him go on. “I knew that I shouldn’t listen to what he was saying but it finally took a toll on me. I started believing him when he said all those horrible things. At some point I even tried drugs, but I hated how it made me feel. I hated relying on them and that’s when I just sank into a dark hole. Work helped a little because I had a crush on someone, and that person always seemed to make things better.” He stopped and looked from the grass to the sky shaking his head.

“I know he's just angry, and just saying those things, but sometimes it hard not to believe them,” he sounded so sad and distressed. “But that’s all over now. I’ve got to start believing in myself.” He got up and took my plate from me and walked three steps before turning. “Thank you Mikhail,” he said with a smile on his face and I saw a glimmer in his green eyes.

“Anytime buddy. Now hurry back so we can have a race,” I said trying to lighten the mood.

“Only after two hours…”

“Fuck that rule. We won’t sink, now get moving,” I replied with fake annoyance. We both laughed and he left me to be alone with thoughts. Which probably wasn’t a great idea, I managed to start thinking about Brian and how things were with him and I, but I just ended up depressing myself. Where was Matthew? Why was he taking so long? So I got up to look for him when I caught him being taught how to mop the mess I made when I walked in wet.

“Oh shit! Sorry Matt, forgot that they do that instead of lock me out now,” I said in between giggles. Matt just flipped me the bird and I laughed even more. I went up to my room to get myself dried off. I don’t know why but for some reason I walked over to go get my phone. I noticed that I had three missed calls and a text message from Miranda. I called her back and all she had to talk about was the stupid note that I had taken a picture of. Our conversation was brief and uneventful; all she did was taunt me about the note and how the guy would probably rape me. It was funny to a certain extent, up until I started to believe it.

“Loosen up; the guy is probably more scared of you than you are of him.” Miranda said, shrugging the whole entire thing off. I agreed with her, said goodbye and hung up. By the time I had finished with Miranda, I was dry and ready to get dressed again. I had no intentions of swimming one more time. I walked over to my closet and sat there for a minute, I was looking for a pair of shoes I hadn’t worn for months. It must’ve been a mix between fatigue and the soft feel of the Persian carpet that had me dozing off after lying on the floor for twelve seconds.

“Mikhail?” I heard a distant yet familiar voice call out. I heard myself respond but my mouth never moved, but my mind had a full on conversation with the other person. I think I even imagined the person grabbing me and shaking me.

“Mikhail! Yo dude! Get up.” The voice was closer, almost on top of me; again I responded in my mind but never physically. I stayed like that until I felt cold-water splash all over my face.

“Shit, BITCH. I’m up! What the Fuck was that for?” I exclaimed trying to gasp for air.

“We here for rehearsals and you busy curling yourself up, this is really unprofessional.” Melissa said feigning annoyance. On a good day I would’ve laughed, but that bitch tried to drown me.

“Do that again and the next person you’ll see is Jesus himself,” I said as I got up and walked out of the closet and headed toward where I had dropped my rehearsal bag the night before.

“Aren’t we grumpy?!” Melissa’s voice was way too dramatic for that time of the day.

“What time is it?” I asked as I got dressed.

“It’s after six, some hotty downstairs told us you went to your room after a swim.” Her face was animated as she spoke. I could tell that the rehearsal was going to be a long one. I nodded and once I was done I led her out of my room and walked into the entertainment room where we’d practice. Unfortunately we had to move stuff around to get ample space.

“Okay, so I hope everyone did what they were supposed to. We won’t have many of these sessions before Next Tuesday, so all the time we have here is now, Thursday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. So we really need to go hard at this,” I said as I towered over my former colleagues, who were seated on the floor. We started immediately after my pep talk. First was choreography, which was simple enough, a few pirouettes, straddle jumps, and even a side aerial for added flare. But at the end of the first hour, everyone had the basics of the choreography and those who did it took a video of it being well executed by the choreographer. The song itself was the easiest part, so the second hour was just harmonising and knowing when to move out of the way. The third hour was moving around as everything happened, which seemed to move more swiftly than I had thought. I guess having a bunch of professionals pays off. We ended things after we went through the entire set-up and performance on the fifth try. We said our goodbyes and I told everyone how much I appreciated it all. After I finished walking everyone out I wanted to run up to my room and crash, I was so tired I don’t know what had driven me to such levels of exhaustion.

“Dinner, Princess?” I heard my father ask.

“No, Matthew can sit with you guys. I want to sleep,” I said dragging my feet.

“It’s only eight o’clock,” he said in a suspicious tone. I didn’t respond, just went to my room and slept. I got onto my bed and everything seemed to just fade into darkness, there was no way I was going to get undressed. Not like I could’ve done that considering how sleepy I was.

I was in deep sleep when I began to hear my ringtone.

 

Jam, ooh ooh

Rebel, that's right

I'm on my own, I'll call my own shots

Thank you

 

Got my own mind

I wanna make my own decisions

When it has to do with my life, my life

I wanna be the one in control

 

I reached over to my nightstand so I could get the damn racket to stop. I didn’t even look to see who was calling. I just answered the phone.

“Hello?” I said still half asleep.

“Hey, bad timing?” A familiar voice asked, the person sounded calculative. So I pulled the phone away from my ear, looked at the screen and saw that the caller was David.

“Yeah, I was asleep.”

“Well I’m on my way to fetch you. Wear something comfortable.” His tone was more relaxed than when he started.

“You making a habit out of this?” I said trying to wake up.

“Making a habit of what?” he asked; I thought he was faking it but he genuinely didn’t know.

“Of calling in the middle of the night to tell me you picking me up.” At that point I was getting off my bed to go look for something to wear.

“Well, I want to spend time with you, so what am I to do?” I was too distracted to try and figure out the tone of his voice. To be honest, him waking me up had pissed me off but the idea of him penetrating me made it all worth it.

“You are to take your right hand and…”

“No-one said anything about sex,” he said with his tone almost irritated.

“Well, we both know that this is only about sex,” I said reassuring him of the basic premise of our relationship.

“Then why haven’t I fucked you since the day we started fucking?” he asked, his voice almost sounding triumphant. I was about to answer when he carried on. “So, are you done yet? I’m about two blocks away from your place.”

In my mind I wanted to tell him to turn around and go away, but my body craved the attention he was going to give it.

“I just need to do my hair and make-up then I’m done,” I said in a sarcastic tone.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got a paper bag for you,” he replied in a playful tone.

“I hope you know I’m going to make you pay for that.” My tone was less playful than his.

“Why aren’t you outside?” he asked all nonchalant as if he hadn’t said anything wrong. So I hung up on him, put my phone on vibrate, got my set of house keys and walked out of my room and headed to where my knight in lubricated latex awaited. As I was walking past the living room I saw Matt was chilling watching some television program. So I looked at my phone to check the time and found it was only 22:56, meaning I’d only been asleep for less than three hours. I walked out of the front gate and got into his car, which was parked in front of my neighbour’s house.

“Dropping the phone on me instead of replying, is that your pay back?” he asked as he started to drive away.

“It was my way of telling you to keep quiet,” I said in an indifferent tone as I looked out the window.

“Are you mad at me?” His confusion was audible.

“I’d have to think of you in order for you to affect me like that.” This time I folded my arms over my chest.

“Then why come to me?”

“So I can turn you on, and leave you hard.” I said as I looked at him. He looked at me and shot me a look that seemed to say ‘what the fuck’.

“Then I best turn around,” he spoke with the same air of confidence he used earlier.

I looked at him as he realised that his own words were being used against him. “I thought this wasn’t about sex.” I registered two visible emotions on his face, annoyance and disbelief.

“Are we really gonna fight?” His disbelief was outweighing his annoyance, as he drove on to his house.

“I’m not fighting – ”

“Then what are you doing?” he interrupted in an annoyed tone.

“I’m trying to figure out what will happen when you don’t get sex; in this ‘not-about-sex’ fuck buddy situation.” My voice was coated in arrogance and my smile stayed smug as hell.

“Okay, so it is about sex.” He resigned with a shake of the head as he realised that all of the drama was just to get him to acknowledge that he and I were only just sex. “But I kinda feel bad about using you for sex.”

“Don’t. I don’t feel bad for using you for sex,” I said reaching over and stroking his inner thigh. He looked up at me with a mischievous smile.

“Don’t say it like that.” He looked down to where my hand rested on his semi-hard dick. He looked from his groin to me and back to his groin. “You know tonight you aren’t going to pull the stunt you pulled the last time. Tonight this dick only comes out of my pants when we get to my place.”

I looked at him and smiled, took my hand off his cock and fiddled with the stereo till I found music I liked. For the rest of the ride we drove in a comfortable silence until we got to his place where we'd get into the naughty stuff.

“You aren’t leaving tonight, maybe tomorrow evening but not tonight. I’m going to have my way with you for the next twelve hours,” he said as he locked the door to his apartment.