Camping Can Be Fun - 8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

We practically vaulted off the car scrambling for our clothes.

“Fucking hell, my trainer is under the fucking car,” Adam complained.

“Never mind your trainer, get some fucking pants on,” I laughed nervously whilst still busying myself with my own wardrobe emergency.

We panicked over the whole situation, but in the end we had time to get some pants and our t-shirts on and throw the rest of our stuff into the front seats of the car, where we sat, out of breath, waiting for the car to pass.

“That was close!” said Adam as the approaching cars headlights grew brighter.

The car passed and we both looked into its side window, startled to see Steven at the wheel. He didn’t seem to register us, or maybe he was playing ignorant, but regardless he was alone and his expression was intense. He was only visible for a second as he whizzed past, but it was clear he was angry from the way he gripped the wheel and stared out menacingly at the road ahead.

“Was that…”

“Steven?” Adam finished my question for me. “Yes. Yes it was.”

“What should we do?” I asked suddenly afraid.

“What do you want to do?”

“I…” I thought for a moment. “I want to talk to him. He’s alone; he must feel terrified after what’s happened. I want to make sure he’s not going to do something stupid.”

“You’re fucking mental! Why are you worried about how he’s feeling after what he’s done?” he retorted, almost as if I’d insulted him.

“I told you before Adam, he’s my best friend. He’s like family to me. I can’t just switch off.”

“Are you sure you’re not letting your feelings get the better of you here?”

I screwed my face up in disgust. “Excuse me? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Adam registered my tone. “Nothing, it doesn’t matter.”

“No Adam, spit it out. It sounds like you’re trying to accuse me of…”

“I’m not trying to accuse you of anything,” he interrupted. “I just meant that you must be confused at the moment. You did tell me you had feelings for him and now this has happened…it must be confusing.”

“Well regardless, he’s getting away and I don’t have time to sort my feelings out right now. He might be in trouble, so can we please go after him?” I demanded more than asked.

Adam did nothing. He just stared ahead with his hands on the steering wheel.

“Adam!” I ordered again.

“Fine… Fucking hell it’s your choice. I just… Fine!” He started the car and pulled a U-turn. Steven’s tail lights were still visible in the distance and with Adam putting his foot down we caught up within a few minutes. Steven still had no idea that we were following him and again seemed not to notice us or our car that was now approaching with speed. When we got behind him Adam flashed his lights trying to get him to pull over, which he ignored. Adam then sounded the horn, which sparked a reaction, but it only resulted in Steven pulling away from us accelerating. Adam kept up though.

“Pull up beside him. He probably thinks we want to hurt him. If he sees me he might understand.”

“Or he might ram us off the road,” Adam offered sarcastically.

“Don’t be stupid.”

Adam pulled out and accelerated until we were parallel with Steven’s car. I put my hands against my window and Steven stared back at me through the glass. He looked a mess. He was still crying and looked like he hadn’t stopped since I last saw him.

“I just wanna talk,” I mouthed to him, putting my hands together in a begging gesture.

He looked back at me shaking his head. He looked so sad and desperate. He turned away facing forward, hit his steering wheel in frustration and began to slow down looking completely defeated. We pulled in front of him and also slowed till both vehicles came to a stop at the side of the road. I looked back at Steven’s car through the rear window and could see that he had buried his head in the steering wheel, obviously crying again. I started fumbling with my trainers, but Adam pulled his on with speed, opened his car door and shot out, not even bothering to close it behind him.

“Shit!” I shouted, getting out my side with one shoe on and chasing after him. “Adam! ADAM! Don’t you dare fucking touch him!” I yelled hobbling in pursuit. He was already at Steven’s car before I’d even got halfway. I kicked off my one shoe and started running barefoot. By the time I got there Adam had already pulled Steven out of the car and had him pinned against the open door, fist pulled back ready to strike. Steven put up no fight. He looked pathetic...afraid.

“Adam if you lay a finger on him we’re over! Do you hear me?”

Adam glared at Steven, grabbing his t-shirt tight in both hands. He looked ready to head butt him, but my threat was enough to make him think twice. He reluctantly let go of him and turned towards me. Steven slinked back down into the driver’s seat, his legs hanging out of the car and his head in his hands. He began whimpering. Adam just stared at me, waiting for me to say something. I glared at him, refusing to speak.

“I’m not leaving you with him if that’s what you’re waiting for,” he told me stubbornly and with authority.

“Can you at least give us a little space?” I asked gesturing towards Steven, indicating how upset he was.

Adam let out a heavy breath of indignation and took a few steps away from the car with his arms folded. He looked seriously pissed off, but he was at least being compliant under the extreme stress.

I crouched beside Steven who seemed inconsolable. He reeked of booze and had obviously continued drinking since we left. I didn’t really know what to do. I hated him for what he had done to me back in the woods, but in juxtaposition I felt so sorry for him seeing him like this. I felt pangs of love for him creep into my mind and my heart. Not a lustful love, but a fraternal love. I felt I needed to take care of him and fix things for him. I instantly did what I had thought was impossible and I forgave him for hurting me. I don’t know how, but my body just let go of the anger and the pain he’d caused and suddenly the resolution was more important. I put my arms around him and pulled him close for a hug. He reacted instantly, pulling away from me, and then pushing past me, putting distance between us.

“I’m so s-s-s sorry,” he stammered shaking his head and wandering off.

I tried to go after him, but Adam stepped in and blocked my path.

“ARE YOU FOR FUCKING REAL!” he yelled with intensity. “You expect me to stand here and watch this? This bastard tried to rape you mere hours ago and now you’re offering him hugs? I want to kill him and all you can do is cuddle! I can’t take this…this is madness!”

Adams outburst only made Steven worse and he audibly sobbed as he aimlessly paced up and down the road. He appeared completely lost in his pain.

“Steven!” I called after him, but he ignored me and kept walking.

“Leave him here for fuck sake. I hope he gets run over.”

Disgusted at his comment I turned on Adam.

“Look Adam I don’t expect you to understand how I feel, but I expect you to at least support me.”

“I am supporting you, but you’ve gone mad. Maybe I was right about the Stockholm syndrome. Rape victims don’t usually kiss and cuddle with their attacker afterward, or maybe you’re looking for seconds?”

I slapped him across the face as hard as I could and he was left stunned and holding his stinging cheek.

“JUST SHUT UP ADAM!” I screamed, fully losing control of my emotions. “JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

His jaw dropped in response. I saw tears begin to well, but he visibly held them back.

Unlike him I couldn’t control my feelings and burst out crying from the pressure of the emotional rollercoaster ride I seemed to be trapped on. Everyone just seemed to want to hurt me and all I was trying to do was make everyone happy and fix the chaos that had ensued. I turned and got into the driver’s seat of Steven’s car and closed the door, resting my head on the steering wheel just as he had. I cried.

It wasn’t long before the passenger door opened and Adam got in beside me. He tried to put his arm round me, but I pushed him off me.

“Don’t bother, Adam.”

“Dan please…don’t be like this. I’m sorry… I was out of order. I shouldn’t have said that. Don’t be upset like this. I hate it.”

I turned on him.

“Yeah, well that’s the problem. YOU hate it and HE’S out there feeling sorry for himself, but what about ME? What about how I’M feeling? I’m caught in the fucking middle here. Everything’s a fucking mess. My friend has turned psycho and had some sort of breakdown and now you’re turning into the jealous boyfriend. I can’t take it. I’m nineteen, I’ve been going out with you a couple of days and it’s turned my life upside down”.

“What are you saying Dan?” he asked downhearted.

I could tell he expected me to end our relationship on the spot.

“I don’t know what I’m saying…”

“We’ll fix it Dan. I’m sorry, I do care about how you’re feeling. I was trying to be protective… He hurt you and that makes me angry.”

“He didn’t mean it,” I said defensively. “He didn’t know what he was doing.”

“Well I’ll be honest. I don’t know how to feel about that. What he did requires a lot of determination.”

“Or a lot of confusion and a shit load of other emotions to boot,” I said again protectively.

“That still makes him a threat,” said Steven forcefully. I looked away from him again in frustration. “But I’ll let you talk to him. If that’s what you really want, I won’t interfere…I promise. I’m still going to stick around though; I want to make sure your safe.”

“Fair enough,” I replied.

I got back out of the car to speak with Steven, only to find out he wasn’t there. He had vanished. My eyes darted around looking for him. I looked frantically up and down the road, I scoured the endless black fields and the dark woodland behind us, but he was nowhere to be seen. He could be anywhere out there, but with only the moon to help us he was invisible.

“He’s gone! Adam he’s gone.”

Adam got out the car and looked as I had.

“Shit.” Was all he could utter.

“STEVEN!” I shouted into the darkness, but there was no response. “STEVEN…STEVEN!”

“STEVEN!” Adam joined in, but still nothing. “Quick, call his cell.”

I whipped out my phone and found him in my recent contacts. I pressed call and anxiously waited for the dialling tone. It started ringing which then filled me with an even more urgent longing to hear his voice. I waited for what seemed an eternity before he picked up. He didn’t speak and all I could hear were the ambient sounds of what seemed like running water.

“Steven... Steven are you there?” I asked tentatively

“I’m sorry Dan. I’ve ruined everything. I’m a horrible person,” he slurred down the phone.

Now that he had stopped crying I could hear just how drunk he was. It was a miracle he hadn’t crashed his car.

“You’re not a horrible person. You’re just confused. I can help you, please just come back.”

“No one can help me. I’m sick. Everyone would be better off without me.”

“Don’t be stupid. I don’t know what I’d do without you. Stop talking like this. Where are you?”

“You don’t understand Dan. I feel like I’m diseased. I can’t change it. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I don’t want to feel anymore. I wish I could have shown you how much you mean to me, but I’ve fucked that up as well. Goodbye,” he said before hanging up.

“Steven… STEVEN. Shit. The bastards hung up. I think he’s going to do something stupid. I heard water. Where would we find running water?” I asked frantically.

Adam started looking around. “There are loads of little rivers nearby that run into the lake. He’s probably near one of them. There, at the end of that field.” He pointed towards a river in the distance, shimmering dimly in the moonlight.

It was the only one in sight and it wasn’t too far away. Steven could have made it there in the time we had been talking.

“You go Adam, I’ll catch up. I need to get some shoes on.”

Adam nodded and ran towards the river as I ran back to his car picking up my trainer on the way. Once reunited with my shoes I charged off after him, but he was already out of sight. Panic started to set in as the realisation of what might be happening hit me. Steven may actually be trying to kill himself.

I eventually made it to the river, but when I got there Adam and Steven were nowhere to be seen.

“ADAM!” I called out desperately over the sound of the running water, but it seemed to drown me out being so close.

I had to make a choice on which way to go, left or right. I looked up both ends of the river, but both seemed to bend and disappear into darkness. I couldn’t pick out anyone, or much of anything for that matter. I had to take a gamble. I decided to follow the current. That made sense. If someone was in the water, surely the current would take them downstream.

I picked up the pace and started to jog down the river bank, my eyes darting furiously across the water searching for signs of life, but nothing. I ran for what felt like an eternity, my feelings of panic and desperation building with every step. I was starting to give up hope when my eye caught something on the other side of the river, a dark shape which was hard to make out. It could be a rock. I strained harder. No… it was definitely a person…two of them. They seemed to be lying face down on the ground.

“Steven?” I gasped. “STEVEN?”

I practically dived into the river, which was shockingly cold in comparison to the warm water I had been playing in early that day. It came up to well above waist height, but I didn’t let it thwart my efforts and with a new found determination I waded across the river in several huge strides.

“Steven?” I panted pulling myself out at the other side.

It wasn’t until I had made it out that I noticed what was happening. Steven was there, but the protruding shape that had caught my attention was in fact Adam who was now kissing Steven? No, not kissing, oh my fucking God… he was trying to resuscitate him. The bastard had actually done it; he’d tried to kill himself.

“Oh my God Adam, Is he alive? What the fuck, is he going to be ok? ADAM?”

He ignored me and carried on trying to resuscitate Steven’s lifeless body, forcing a few short sharp breaths into Steven’s lungs and then following this up with several compressions to his chest. I looked on completely stunned with fear. I felt bile rising from my gut to the back of my throat and I had to turn away from the horrifying scene as I spewed my guts up. I collected myself and turned back to Adam who was still working away at Steven’s lifeless body.

I collapsed to my knees and let my head thud onto the cold wet grass. I felt useless and defeated. The most horrible concoction of emotions engulfed me as I began to realise what was happening. Steven was dead and I was to blame. I shut him out when he had needed me most and it had killed him.

All hope of a happy ending completely escaped me. Crouching on the ground like that I felt that the earth was swallowing me up and part of me wished that it would. I wanted to swap places with Steven and let him have his life back. I wanted to be the one lying there inanimately. I wanted to feel nothing. My head began to pulse with pain as a pressure in my temples forced me to pull at my hair in search of some relief. My ears were filled with a high pitched, white noise like ringing that seemed to block out everything around me, even the sounds of the river. Although my eyes were closed I could see a blinding white light that intensified the tension building in my skull. I felt fit to pass out when I heard coughing and spluttering. I forced myself back into reality searching for Adam and Steven, my eyes struggling to adjust under the conditions of my threatening migraine. Eventually I saw something that filled me with so much relief. Steven was turned over in the recovery position coughing up half the river, but alive and breathing none the less. I staggered to my feet and stumbled over to them. Adam looked utterly exhausted from his heroics as he knelt there looking on in astonishment at his achievement.

I reached Steven and began rubbing his back as he continued to cough and choke.

“Breathe slowly Steven, nice deep breaths,” I encouraged.

It seemed to help as his panic began to ease. Eventually he lay flat on his back taking in healthy deep breaths.

I turned to Adam who still seemed to be in shock and I grabbed hold of him tightly shaking him from his trance. I hugged him desperately in appreciation for what he had done. He began to hug me back.

“Thank you Adam. You’re a fucking hero.”

“I… it… he… had to…dying… You would have done the same.”

“I don’t think I could have. You’re amazing. I can’t believe you did that,” I said gripping him tighter. “I fucking love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

“So what do we do now?” I asked pulling away to look at Steven still taking long deep breaths on the grass.

“We go home,” said Adam.