Greg's Rambling Prompts - 6. Prompt 421

“Jason!” Zach called, smiling warmly at me as I entered the coffee shop. “It’s good to see you again. I’m glad you were able to make some time to get together on this trip.”

“You didn’t really think I’d miss a chance to see my Zachie-bear did you?” I asked, grinning as Zach blushed. “Sorry I’m so late but I had to stop by my hotel and change. C’mere you and give me a hug!” I insisted pulling him into a bear hug. “God knows I need one after the day I’ve had,” I finished as I finally released him and took a seat next to him.

Zach was still blushing as he sat back down; public displays of any type always made him feel self-conscious which made me glad I had remembered not to kiss him. I couldn’t help grinning again as I imagined him hiding under the table if I had given him a kiss.

“Your meeting didn’t go well?” Zach asked, concern flooding his face. “You didn’t really give me any details when you invited me for coffee.”

I sighed with a mixture of pleasure and wistfulness as I relaxed in my chair and took a sip of the coffee Zach had already ordered for me. Dark Roast Gold Coast Blend, black with just half a sugar. It amazed me that he still remembered after all these years, especially since he didn’t even drink coffee himself.

“I had an interview,” I explained as I inhaled the heavenly aroma wafting from my mug. “The company is thinking about putting me in charge of my local office and asked me to make the trip to meet with the regional VP.”

“Well that sounds good,” Zach answered frowning a little with confusion. “I take it the interview didn’t go well?” Zach asked hesitantly. “I can’t imagine he didn’t like you though. You can charm anyone in five minutes flat.”

“She,” I corrected absently. “The VP is a woman. And I’m not sure any amount of charm would have made up for everything that went wrong,” I continued shaking my head a little at the memory. “Demons from hell were sent to plague me or something,” I finished grinning ruefully.

“I’m sorry Jason,” Zach sympathized. “What happened? What all went wrong?”

“Lord! What didn’t go wrong?” I replied shaking my head again. “Everything started out good, but that all changed as soon as I entered the building,” I continued, pausing to take another sip of the heavenly brew. “I should have known how things were going to go as soon as I entered – I tripped over the door mat and nearly fell flat on my face. I imagine the receptionist thought I was drunk or something.”

“Oh, I’m sure nobody thought that,” Zach protested. “Everyone stumbles on occasion. It’s embarrassing, but not the end of the world.”

“Well no,” I agreed with him. “But that was just the beginning. As the receptionist was leading me back towards Sharon’s office – that’s the VP – I felt my boxers bunching under my suit. We only had to walk about ten miles to get to Sharon’s office and I’m walking all stiff legged trying to keep my underwear from giving me a wedgie or something. I know the receptionist thought I was drunk!”

Zach gave me a slight grin and winced in sympathetic pain. “Well, she probably thought you were just nervous,” Zach consoled unconvincingly. “But at least it was just the receptionist.”

I chuckled softly as I shook my head again. “Oh no, those imps who decided to make my life hell weren’t done yet. Not by half!” I couldn’t help laughing a little self-deprecatingly. “I hadn’t suffered nearly enough yet!”

“What happened?” Zach asked, his eyes going wide with concern.

“Well,” I continued, sighing again. “The receptionist showed me into an office and before leaving told me Sharon would be with me shortly. I thought it was a lucky break to be left alone for a second so I could adjust my boxers, but I didn’t even have a chance to put my briefcase down before Sharon walked in. I figured I’d just have to ignore them when the damn things decided they would not be ignored!”

“What?” Zach asked almost breathlessly. “What went wrong?”

“Frigging elastic decided to give up the ghost,” I answered disgustedly. “Snapped, right there as I was reaching out to shake Sharon’s hand. It must have looked like I was smuggling hamsters in my crotch or something. I swear I almost yelped as I felt them slide down under my pants.” I snorted in irritation as I remembered the scene from earlier. “My favorite boxers too,” I couldn’t help complaining. “The Superman boxers you got me.”

“Jason!” Zach groaned at me. “I got you those boxers years ago! No wonder the elastic snapped. They were ancient.”

“But they were comfortable!” I protested. “And they were my favorites. I can’t believe they are gone. Losing them just sucks,” I groused and paused to take another sip of coffee. “Of course not as bad as what happened next.”

“I’ll buy you another pair,” Zach growled at me and I could tell he was starting to get impatient with me. “Tell me what else went wrong!”

I took another sip of coffee, grinning into my cup as I could see my Zachie-bear was getting ready to become that namesake I gave him. “Well, as you can imagine,” I continued before Zach actually growled at me, “having my underwear go like that surprised me, not to mention it stung a little when the elastic snapped against my skin, some fairly sensitive skin too!” I grinned as Zach caught my meaning and winced. “So I’m sure it’s not a surprise I flinched big time,” I continued. “I must have hit the latch on my briefcase because the next thing I know it looks like the damn thing exploded. Everything just falls out all over the floor making the biggest damn mess you have ever seen.”

Zach groaned and closed his eyes briefly and I knew he was picturing the scene I was painting for him and imagining how he would react if it all had happened to him. “Oh Jason!” Zach nearly whined. “That’s horrible!”

“Yeah, well, it gets even better,” I told him as I took another sip and watched as Zach’s eyes got even bigger. “I stood there for what felt like a couple hundred years as all of my files fluttered across the floor. I couldn’t believe all of this was actually happening, but seeing the look of shock on Sharon’s face kind of convinced me I wasn’t having some kind of nightmare or something. So then I start to bend over to clean up this mess and recover whatever tatters of dignity I still had and I’ll be damned if I didn’t step on one of the file folders. Damn thing started sliding across the floor taking me right along with it and forcing me into the splits. I’m not built to do those kinds of moves, so splat! I fell right on my fucking ass and back.”

“Oh God!” Zach exclaimed with a look of horror on his face. “Did you hurt yourself?”

“Well, I bruised my ego big time,” I answered, snorting in disgust. “You see, suit pants really aren’t made to do gymnastic move like that. The mother-loving things split right along both inseams. From my crotch right on down to my knees. And since my boxers had already snapped starting all of this, well, all of my bits were pretty much left out there flapping in the wind for all to see. Sharon certainly got an eyeful anyway.”

“OH MY GOD!” Zach cried, his face going white with horror. “Oh god, Jason, that’s horrible! I’m so sorry. I would have just died!” Zach continued as he reached over to give me another hug. “None of that was your fault – it’s not fair all of this happened to ruin your chance.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked with a look of mock confusion on my face. “I start the new job on Monday.”

“After all that?” Zach asked, real confusion and surprise flooding his face. “But….” Zach trailed off, totally confused.

“Well of course I got the job,” I told him grinning triumphantly. “After all, Sharon got to see my best assets on display didn’t she?”