After Life - 3. Chapter 3 - The Confession

Chapter 3 – The Confession

I suddenly arrived in the parlor where my family was standing in front of the casket that held my body. I was in the back of the parlor. Slowly, I made my way further, so as not to disturb anyone. As I got closer I remembered that they wouldn’t see or hear me anyways, which saddened me. I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel looking at my own dead body or seeing everyone so sad as they looked down at me, but I had to push myself to bear witness to what was about to come.

I walked up to stand next to Sam, who was clinging to my mother as she sobbed at the sight of my body. Sam looked like he could cry at any minute, but was holding himself together pretty well, I thought. I looked down past my mother at my dad, who wore a stony expression on his face. On his left was Dana, holding his hand, silently crying as she stood at the casket.

And then there was Will.

Will stood there looking like he was ready to punch someone or something. I’d seen Will angry plenty of times, but this was a whole different level of anger. If anyone had bothered to look at Will right now, they would’ve likely taken a step back from him, as if to keep themselves from being hit by his rage.

I surveyed everyone for a minute, more or less to keep from looking at my body. However, I could no longer avoid it. I slowly turned to face the casket. I took a look at my body and just stared at it.

I was dressed pretty nicely. I was wearing a suit with a black button down shirt and a royal blue tie. My hair was combed back and gelled. My nose had broken when I died, so it looked a bit out of shape. My face wore a typical stony expression that was customary of dead people in a casket.

I thought I’d be sad or upset to see myself in the casket, but I actually wasn’t. I was glad that I looked nice and that my family was here. I was sad at the fact my family had to deal with my death, but I knew they’d be ok in the end, at least I hoped.

“I’m going outside for a few minutes,” said Will after a while.

“I’ll go with you,” said Sam.

I decided to follow them. I didn’t want to stay with my parents and Dana as the mood was too somber for me to deal with.

I followed closely behind Sam. I was worried about being hit by the door, even though I knew I probably wouldn’t feel it. Suddenly, the thought of that intrigued me. I purposefully waited for the door to close and then continued forward. I went through the door with no resistance or feeling, which caused me to chuckle. That was sort of fun. I’d have to do more of that.

I found Sam and Will standing in the parking lot by Will’s car. I went around so that I could stand in front of them and see their faces. I saw will take a lighter out of his pocket and light a cigarette. I’d never seen Will smoke before. I was surprised.

“Will, why the hell did you start smoking those damn things?” asked Sam when Will took a drag of his cigarette.

“I needed to cope with loosing Paul. It was either this, drugs, or alcohol. I chose to smoke.”

Sam nodded. “Paul wouldn’t want you doing that.”

Will looked furious at Sam. “How the fuck do you know what Paul would want?”

“Will, he was my best fucking friend practically my whole life. Just because you dated him does not mean you knew him better,” said Sam angrily.

“Whatever,” shrugged Will. “He told me things he swore to me that you didn’t know about.”

“So what. That’s perfectly acceptable in a relationship. You think I really care? Besides I know he told me things that you didn’t know about either.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?” demanded Will.

Sam let out a sigh. “Not here, Will. Not right now.”

“Oh come on Sam, now’s a great time. Paul’s not here to hear any of your secrets,” said Will as he blew a big puff of smoke in Sam’s face.

Sam immediately got angry and grabbed Will by his shirt and pulled him towards him forcefully.

“Look here, buddy. I know you are fucking devastated at Paul’s death. But, you’re acting like a little shit right now. That is not going to get you anywhere. If I had any say in it, you’d be on your way back home right now. Paul’s family is in there falling to pieces right now. They need us to be strong for them. Get your shit together while you’re still here or go the fuck home! It’s your choice!”

Will looked horrified at Sam as he let him go. He backed up from Sam and finished his cigarette. I was not happy at all with how Will was behaving. It saddened me to the core.

“You need to grow up, Will,” I said aloud.

Will suddenly shuddered like he was feeling cold. He snuffed out his cigarette and started walking back towards the funeral home.

“I’m going back in,” he called back.

“Go,” replied Sam angrily.

I stood there and observed Sam for a while. He looked devastated. He looked up at the sky and sighed.

“Paul, you should fucking be here. This situation is totally unfair.”

A single tear ran down my face.

“I am here. I wish you knew that.”

~*~*~*~*

My funeral and graveside service had ended. My parents and sister went home in their vehicle while Sam and Will rode together in Will’s car. The three of us eventually wound up at Sam’s house.

“Would you like to come in?” asked Sam as they unbuckled their seatbelts. “My mom’s not home. She won’t be home until later.”

“Sure. It’s better than going home.”

Sam and Will exited the car. I followed behind them at a bit of a distance. Will and Sam stopped in the kitchen to grab some drinks from the fridge. Sipping their drinks, they stood there quietly, not saying anything to one another. Sam looked tired and worn out while Will still looked a bit agitated, yet nowhere near as angry as he’d looked at the funeral home.

After a while, Sam asked if he wanted to go up to his room and play some video games. Will nodded and started making his way to Sam’s room. As before, I followed them, staying behind them a bit. I didn’t want to feel like I was crowding them.

They went over to Sam’s TV and sat down. Sam turned on the TV and the Nintendo and handed Will a controller.

“007 sound good to you?” he asked.

“Sounds great.”

They played the video game for a while, shooting each other in a multiplayer session. They were pretty into it for a while. They even managed to laugh and make jokes at each other every now and then. I smiled at the memory of us playing this exact game together so many times. Those were some good times.

Suddenly, Sam paused the game. His phone was ringing. “Oh, hang on it’s my mom. I’ll put her on speaker. “Hey mom!”

“Hey Samuel. What are you doing?”

“Just hanging out with Will and playing some video games.”

“Oh that sounds fun. Hi Will!”

“Hi Mrs. Adamson,” replied Will.

“So how was the service, Sam?”

“It was really nice, mom. They made him look really nice; even the team dropped by to pay their respects.”

“That’s lovely. If you see Carol and Howard, please let them know that I was sorry I couldn’t make it to the funeral. I just couldn’t get away from work.”

“I’ll be sure to let them know, mom.”

“Ok. Anyways, boys, you’re on your own tonight. I have to work late. Then I’m meeting Andy afterwards for dinner. I’ll probably stay over at his house tonight, Sam, so I won’t be home until tomorrow evening.”

“Alright mom, that’s fine. Tell Andy I said hello.”

“I sure will, honey. Oh, and there’s $100 in an envelope on the kitchen table. Since it’s you and Will, you can use that to feed yourselves. Part of that is also your allowance, Sam.”

“Cool, mom, thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Well, I better get going; I still have a few more hours at the office before I leave to have dinner with Andy. I’ll call you tomorrow afternoon to check on you, ok? Oh and Will, you know you’re welcome to stay at our house as long as you’d like this weekend, ok?”

“Um, thanks Mrs. Adamson,” said Will.

“Ok, mom. Bye; I love you,” said Sam.

“Bye sweetie, love you too.”

“Sorry about that,” said Sam a few moments later.

“It’s no problem,” said Will

“You want to continue playing 007?”

“Actually, I want to take a break. I know you don’t approve, but do you mind if I smoke?”

Sam grabbed an ash tray from a drawer in the room and handed it to Will.

“Go for it.”

Will looked puzzled at the fact that Sam had an ash tray in his room.

“Why do you have this?” he asked as he lit his cigarette.

“It was my dad’s favorite ashtray. Mom got it for him while she was in Germany.”

“Oh I see,” said Will cautiously.

“Yeah, he died a few months later after her trip.”

“Oh Sam, I’m so sorry.”

“Thanks, Will.”

“How did he die?”

“He died of lung cancer when I was 9.”

“Oh, well that explains why you were angry at me about smoking.”

Sam nodded. “Yes.”

The pair said nothing as Will continued to smoke his cigarette. Sam eventually turned off the video game and TV and just sat there on the floor thinking silently to himself.

A few moments later Will had finished his cigarette and began to cry softly. Sam looked over at him and scooted over next to him so that he could hold him in his arms.

“My God, Sam, I just miss him so much. It just isn’t fucking fair.”

At this point Sam began to cry as well.

“I know Will, I really miss him too, so much more than you could ever know.”

They held on to each other for what felt like eternity. I had tears in my eyes as well. Here they were, two of the most important people in my life, broken and in tremendous pain. I would’ve given anything to still be alive at that moment.

Eventually, their crying subsided, yet they still held on to each other, rocking back and forth gently. Eventually Will spoke, breaking the silence that had formed around us.

“I feel like Paul is with us, still, you know?”

“Yeah buddy, I’m sure he is. I feel like the ones we love never truly leave us.”

“I wonder what he would say to us right now, if he could say anything.”

“I love both of you so much. I’m not going anywhere,” I spoke softly.

“I think he’d tell us he loved us and that he’d always be here,” said Sam, making me smile.

“Yeah, I think so too,” said Will.

They continued to sit there for a few moments, saying nothing, until Will spoke again.

“I’ve always wondered, were you and Paul ever more than just friends?”

Sam looked at Will and sighed. “No, we were never a couple. But I had feelings for him for our entire friendship, feelings that eventually morphed into love.”

“Oh,” said Will. “Did you ever say anything to him? Did you ever tell him how you felt?”

Sam sighed again. “Yes I did. I actually um, told him, the night he um, the night he died, after you’d went home.”

I was suddenly very interested in how Will was going to respond to Sam’s confession. I moved a little closer so I could make sure I heard everything.

“Ok,” said Will. “And what did he say? What happened?”

“Will, umm…” began Sam.

“What happened, Sam? Tell me,” said Will, beginning to sound angry.

“We kissed.”

Will suddenly pushed away from Sam and began to sob angrily.

“Y… you what? You… kissed my boyfriend? Why the fuck did you do that?”

“Will, Paul initiated it,” Sam responded calmly. “He said he’d always liked me too, but thought I was straight, so he never said anything.”

“No! You’re lying! Paul loved me! He told me he loved me!”

“I know he loved you! Even though you treated him like shit at times, he still loved you enough to let it go.”

“I treated him like shit?! Me? How do you fucking get off? I was the one that applied to the same college as him. I was the one who invited him to Florida. I was the one who bought him things. You don’t get to say I treated him like shit!”

Sam moved over to Will.

“Get the fuck away from me!”

“Will! You need to realize that you did treat him like shit! Every single time he wanted to try out for something at school, you told him not to because it would lessen the amount of time you could spend together. You would get so pissed at him and make choose between the activity and you.”

Will looked beside himself at the accusations coming from Sam. Sam was still not finished.

“Every single time he wanted to hang out with just me, you had to insert yourself. Remember that one time he asked me to go camping with him and his family?”

Will just stared at Sam blankly, tears still streaming down his face.

“Remember, damnit?!”

“Yes! I remember!”

“You told him I couldn’t go unless you went with us also. I remember him telling you that he wanted to spend time with just me and his family since you all were spending so much time together. You told him to let you go or you’d break up with him. And you know what he told me later on? He almost did! He was so close to trashing you!”

Will was trying so hard to hang on at this point. The words from Sam’s mouth hit him hard.

“So, y… you were the last person t…to kiss my boyfriend b…before he died?” asked Will as he began to cry again.

“Hell yeah, I was! And you know what? I’m fucking glad I was. He deserved so much better than you Will. But he just couldn’t fucking realize it. He was so in love with you, he was blinded!”

At this point, Will rushed over to Sam and tackled him. They wrestled on the floor for a long time. I’d never seen Will so angry, so beside himself. Will tried to punch Sam many times. Sam had good reflexes so he was able to thwart each of Will efforts without issue.

Eventually, Will couldn’t go on anymore and got off of Sam and sat there, sobbing. Sam caught his breath, sat up, and held onto Will. I stood there saddened at what I was witnessing. I was so sad for Sam that he never had a chance with me. I was also angry because he was right about Will.

Will treated me like shit and I let him because I was too much in love with him to see it.

“Oh God, Sam, I’m so fucking sorry. I’m so fucked up right now.”

“It’s ok, buddy. I love you. I’m here for you.”

At that moment Will’s sobs stopped. He looked up at Sam intensely. Sam returned his gaze.

“Paul and I were supposed to lose our virginity together.”

“I.. um…” began Sam.

Suddenly, Will was ferociously kissing Sam. His kiss was so forceful he eventually pushed Sam onto the floor. Sam hesitated at first before giving into the kiss. They both began to moan in pleasure as the kiss became more and more intense between the two of them. Within seconds, both tore off their shirts and continued to make out.

Longer and longer they went, making out and groaning in pleasure. They caressed each other’s bodies as much as they could. Eventually Will’s hand was massaging Sam’s cock through the fabric of his pants. Sam moaned at the pleasure, beckoning Will to continue. Eventually, Will unbuckled Sam’s belt and unzipped his pants. With one fluid movement, Sam’s pants and boxers slid down to his ankles.

Will stopped making out with Sam and looked down at his hard cock.

“Damn, you’re huge.”

He began to stroke his cock slowly as he started making out with Sam again. As time went on, Sam’s moans began to get louder. Will went on with his administrations, bringing Sam closer and closer to climax. Just when Sam was about to climax, he stopped his administrations and making out. He looked at Sam, then his cock, then back at Sam. Will then scooted backward. Suddenly Will moved his head forwards, in anticipation of Sam’s cock in his mouth.

Right before Will could engulf his cock, Sam put his hand on Will’s mouth, stopping him.

“No, we can’t do this,” he said, panting. “I can’t do this, not with you.”

Will looked perplexed. “W.. what?” he asked.

Sam got up off the floor and grabbed his shirt and pulled his pants back on.

“I can’t do this, not with you,” he repeated.

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t do this, not to Paul.”

“I don’t get it.”

“I think you should leave, now.”

“Why?” asked Will.

“Now, Will. I think you should go.”

“But…”

“Go! Now, Will! You almost made me do something I wasn’t ready for!”

“I don’t understand…”

“Get the fuck out of my house, Will!”

Will grabbed his cigarettes and his car keys and stormed out of Sam’s room.

“Fine. Fuck off!” he called back.

“Go to hell, Will!” screamed Sam.

I stood there looking at Sam. After the door slammed shut, Sam laid down on his bed and began to sob. My heart melted for him. He’d gotten the raw end of this whole deal. I was so mad at myself for never giving him a chance.

As for Will, at that moment, he was dead to me.

~*~*~*~*