Out of His Mind - 5. Moving On

Chapter 5

Moving On

Tait’s life took on some routine as he saw Doctor Appel each month, swam daily, cooked with Phil, read and watched movies. He avoided the topic of Sean whenever he could.

Phil noted that Tait had grown stronger mentally. He no longer wept as often or lost his temper. ‘He’s starting to believe in himself again.’

Dr. Appel had reduced his medications also, and Tait was glad not to have to rely so much on pills. He knew the daily swims helped him a lot with controlling moods and being able to sleep.

Philip had also accompanied Tait when he went to see another plastic surgeon for a second opinion about his scar. The doctor had been thorough and said, “Dr. Williams, who took care of this in the hospital did a fine job. If I or any other doctor you see did anymore work on it, they’d just be taking your money. It’s healing well and I couldn’t improve on what was already done. Keep using the cream and be patient.”

Tait had seemed satisfied with the doctor’s opinion and fretted less about the scar and his looks.

However, Tait knew he had to get on with life and that meant he had to earn a living. It was that knowledge which spurred him on to contact his old lover and employer, Leonardo Amiello. He didn’t know where else to turn. Their break-up hadn’t been completely ugly. Tait had been upset, of course, but mainly sad – he’d thought that he and Leo had had more than just friendship and sex.

Tait had thought, ‘I suppose given Leo’s history, I shouldn’t have been surprised. It had been a nice two years, but I really thought he loved me.’

After they split, Tait continued to work for Amiello, until the end of his contract. A renewal was offered, but Tait went on to other work, though from time to time he returned to work for House Amiello.

When he did work for Leonardo, the atmosphere was friendly and Leo always seemed happy to see him. But seeing Leo with his next pretty young thing, always stabbed Tait in the heart, but more than that, it made him sad. He knew one day the pretty boys might no longer want Leo and Tait worried for his ex-lover, concerned that he could end up alone.

On the day Tait decided to go into the city and see his old boss, he waited until Phil left home and had gone into his office. He hadn’t told Phil he was seeing Leo, knowing that Philip would worry and maybe try to talk him out of going.

‘I feel ready and I’m going. I’ll just have to deal with Phil’s feelings about it later.’

He took a cab into the city to Leo’s place of business, House Amiello. After paying the cab driver, Tait stood on the street and surveyed the building he’d been to so often. There were so many memories here but they weren’t bad ones, so he swallowed, then took a deep breath, opened the door, and walked in.

Inside the décor hadn’t changed very much – walls and doors were creamy white and had gilded accents, and there were several groupings of classic Italian sofas and chairs in gorgeous brocades. As he looked around, Tait found he was feeling quite emotional. It took him a few minutes to get control enough to ask to see Leonardo.

The young woman sitting at the reception desk was stick-thin, pretty and kind. Her nameplate said: Abrielle. She called Leo’s office, and said there was a Mr. Adamsen here to see him. After replacing the telephone receiver, she smiled and asked Tait to follow her upstairs. Tait admonished himself for not calling ahead to make an appointment.

“Please come. Mr. Amiello has a little bit of time, and will be happy to see you.”

“Thank you.” Tait followed her up the gold-carpeted staircase to Leo’s office.

She knocked and then opened the gilded door. “Please.”

Tait stepped closer. He smiled and entered. “Thank you.”

“My boy?”

Tait heard the familiar voice and suddenly could not catch his breath, but then Leo was beside him. “Tait, my God, please sit down.”

Leo pulled him to a sofa. “Are you all right? When I heard about what had happened … oh my boy.”

Then the old familiar arms were around him, and Tait didn’t fight him. It felt right and he leaned against the man whom he had loved in what felt like another life. Leo held him tight.

“Tait, I tried to see you in hospital but they would not let me. I had no idea that you were out.”

Nodding, Tait said, “No, they didn’t allow too many people in. Thank you for trying though, Leo.”

“Are you all right? Do you have a place to live? What can I do?”

Leonardo’s kind words brought tears to Tait’s eyes and he turned to bury his face in Leo’s neck and sobbed. The fashion icon held is ex-lover, stroked his hair and rocked him until the tears finally dried up. Still holding Tait against him, he picked up the receiver on the phone that sat on the table in front of him and pressed zero. “Abrielle, cancel all my appointments today. Please reschedule and apologize. No my girl, simply tell them I am suddenly ill. Thank you.”

Tait struggled a bit and sat up. “Leo, you don’t have …. ”

“No I don’t, but I’m going to, Tait.” Leo kissed Tait gently on his scarred cheek. “Let us spend some time together. Get reacquainted and talk a little bit, hmmm? You know since you, there has been no one special in my life. Each year I regret more and more letting you go. I was an arrogant fool.”

Sadness filled Tait’s eyes as he regarded Leo – he had truly loved him.

Leo smiled. “Tait, I know our time has passed, but there is something I wish to know. An old man’s folly, you do not have to answer, my boy. But, if I would have asked you, would you have stayed? Married me?”

Tait reached out and touched Leo’s face. “Oh Leo, yes I would. I loved you. Part of me still does.”

Leo stood and paced. “I was an ass, Tait. If I’d have had any balls, I’d have married you and then none of that madness would have happened.”

“Leo … please ….”

Leo stopped, his eyes filled with regret. “I’m sorry, my boy. I am being selfish and foolish. You came to see me; what can I do?”

“I’m looking for work, Leo. I only know fashion – modelling. I know I’m not pretty enough anymore. Because of this ….” Tait trailed off as he touched the scar on his face. “But is there anything?”

Reseating himself next to Tait, Leo took his hand. “Let me think. You know, you’re still in wonderful shape, my boy. Nice body still, perhaps ….”

Leo thought for a few minutes, and then spoke to Tait. “You know … why shouldn’t you model?” Grinning impishly, Amiello said, “You know I’m not so vain as I once was; aging has changed me. So, yes why not, why shouldn’t you?”

“Leo, I’m ugly. No one will want to look at me.”

“Nonsense. You have a scar, yes, but it does not make you remotely ugly. Maybe not high fashion, my boy. But fashion is for everyone, or it should be. There are people who are not models, who want someone real to look up to. Why not you? Think about it!” Leo pulled Tait to his feet. “You can be all men – a brave man – and women and men too, will go mad for you. Yes the scar is still a bit livid, but we can tone it down with makeup, but we won’t hide it. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Leo was excited, and the more he thought, the more he wanted to do something new. “I’ll start a new line, for you to model, Tait. Something good quality but less expensive, something the everyday man will want to wear and can afford.”

“Leo, I never expected this … I, I don’t know what to say.”

“Say you think I’m still brilliant.” Leo laughed.

Tait allowed himself to join Leo’s laughter. “Okay, you’re still brilliant!”

Leo pulled Tait close and hugged him. “Come. Let me take you to lunch – if you still will be seen with me.”

“Of course I will, Leo.”

They walked out of the Leonardo’s office together into the warmth of the day and went to their old favorite restaurant. When they’d finished, Tait walked Leo back to his office.

Leonardo laughed as Tait told him about Phil’s disguising him under too big t-shirts and a baseball cap. “Oh my boy, I simply cannot see you in a baseball cap!”

As they strolled, arm-in-arm, Leo said, “Let me organize this. It shouldn’t take too long. In the meantime, please be honest now, are you all right for money and somewhere to stay?”

Tait leaned closer, and smiled. “Yes, Leo. I’m fine. I’m staying with Phil and I have a bit of cash.”

“What are you going to do about Sean, Tait? I only know what I’ve heard, but it sounds like you should, well, be suing him for divorce. Please see a lawyer. If you need anything, please you must call me. Here this has my home and cellular numbers.” Leo handed Tait his card.

“Thank you, Leo. For everything; it’s all more than I ever expected.”

Outside of the House Amiello, they embraced and promised to talk soon. Leo waved as Tait got into his taxi. Tait turned and returned the wave with a mixture of happiness and regret in his heart.

Later, when he told Philip about his day, Tait broke down again. He hadn’t been prepared for Leo’s reaction and plan – his kindness. He mentioned to Phil what Leo had said about divorce.

Phil heard the pain in Tait’s voice as he spoke about Sean. It broke his heart now as it always had – and he blamed himself. “O’Grady is a monster. He uses people, steals their souls and then crushes it in front of you. If I could drop him, I would.”

Tait accepted a cup of hot coffee from Phil who sat down next to him on the sofa.

“You need to see a lawyer, Leo is right. You need to get Sean out of your life, get divorced. He owes you something; half the house and money at the very least.”

Tait sagged. “I don’t know Phil – I don’t think I can ….”

“I’ll help you, Tait.”

Tait set the coffee cup down on the coffee table and faced his friend. “Why, I appreciate the offer, but why? Why would you? What’s in it for you?”

Anger and frustration gripped Phil, who stood and paced. “You’re asking me that. After this, after me caring for you, with no questions? Giving you a home, being here for you? You think I want something?”

“Phil –”

“No! I’ve watched you for years with other men. Watching you make stupid choices. When … when ….”

Tait felt suddenly hot. “When what?” Tait’s voice was a whisper.

Phil hung his head, and when he lifted it again, Tait though he saw a flash of regret but that was gone in an instant. “When nothing, Tait. Nothing.”

The ex-model blinked, rose and pulled open the patio door; he went outside and stood under one of the coral trees, staring at nothing. It had been a hard day and now Phil – what was Phil doing? What wasn’t he saying?

Phil followed him outside. “Tait. Please … let’s talk. I … I care about you. We need to deal with Sean.”

“Talk? Now you want to talk?” Tait laughed but there was no mirth in it. “I know you care.”

“Okay, so maybe it’s more than just caring.”

“What do you mean? We’re friends, aren’t we?” Tait searched Philip’s face and saw something there he’d not seen before. No, he’d seen it before; he just hadn’t recognized it. He opened his mouth and closed it. He shook his head. “No, Phil, please. You can’t do this. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I think, if you recall, I did warn you about Sean. I told you he was bad news!”

“I don’t mean warning me about Sean, for fuck sakes! I mean how you felt, why didn’t you tell me, Phil?”

Philip faced Tait, hands on his hips. “Are you serious? You weren’t interested in me Tait. I’m your friend. You were famous, rich, and handsome and you knew it and you didn’t want anyone as plain and dull as I am. You wouldn’t have been happy sitting around here, watching TV, reading, quiet nights in, and hosting work parties once in awhile. Not when you could be desired and famous.”

Tait sat on one of the patio chairs. The anger he’d felt drowned in the truth of Philip’s words. Tait signed deeply and rubbed his face. “You’re right. I was really up my own ass; I liked my celebrity, and I liked bad boys. I wrote my own script, didn’t I?”

Phil sat down and took Tait’s right hand. “No matter what, what Sean did to you was wrong. You didn’t deserve that Tait.”

Tait said nothing. He just sat thinking about Philip and Sean. He decided he couldn’t deal with Philip being in love with him, not right now. He had to get through this stuff with the house and what Sean, that fucking prick, owed him. Rather than frightened, Tait started to feel angry – he didn’t want Sean to get away with what he’d done.

But he turned and there was Philip, good, kind, always there-for-him Philip and had to change his mind. ‘I have to tell him what I’m thinking.’

“Phil, let’s go back inside. I could use a glass of wine. What about you?”

Nodding, Philip got to his feet, took Tait’s hand and they went back indoors.

After arranging their drinks they sat together on the sofa once again. Tait sipped the cold white wine and let the flavor roll over his tongue. Then he took a deep breath.

“Phil, we need to talk – about you and me.”

“No, we don’t. I’m sorry. Damn, I shouldn’t have said anything.” Philip shook his head in misery.

“Yeah, you should have said it. You feel it. So you should get to say it.” Tait was quiet for a minute before continuing. “Phil, right now I need to deal with the house and divorcing Sean.”

“Tait, I’m glad you want to deal with Sean, but please –”

“And I think we need to talk about you and me.”

“There is no you and me, Tait.” Phil sat back and crossed his arms.

Tait stood up, frustrated. “Listen, will you please? Shit! You remember a long time back when I was just starting out and you interviewed me for Scene Magazine?”

Phil nodded. “Yes I remember. My god you were you something, hot, sought after and sexy as fuck – you were with Leo then?”

“Yes. Do you remember me asking you about your love life?”

“Uhhuh. I couldn’t believe you asked me. I ended up telling you I hadn’t met the right guy and you said to keep an open mind. Your comment made me wonder if you were interested in me and if everything about you and Amiello were just rumours.”

Tait laughed. “Yeah. And I thought Leo loved me enough, but no, not when his next pretty boy showed up. But you and me, Phil, we stayed friends. Good friends.”

“So then let’s not spoil it, okay? I mean it’s too late, isn’t it? Just too much water under the bridge.”

“After I deal with Sean, I want to deal with us.” Tait sat next to Phil and took his hand. “If it’s what you want too. I’d like to see where we end up.”

Philip shook his head vehemently, and said, “This isn’t a good idea, Tait. Can’t you see that? What if it doesn’t work? We’ll lose what we have now. I’d hate for that to happen.”

Tait smiled at his best friend. “Then Phil, I guess we better not fuck it up.”

Phil nodded giving up for the moment. “Tait, this is not a good idea. But fine,we can think about this later. But Sean first, right?”

“Yeah, Sean Fucking O’Grady first.”

“I’ll set up the appointments. You’ll need two lawyers. One for the divorce the other for the assault. I think maybe a visit to the doc too, just to let him know what you’re up to. Just to be sure all is okay. You sure about this?”

Tait simply nodded. “Never been so sure of anything. I want that prick to pay for what he did to me. I’m tired of being afraid of him. He’s going to know what it’s like to lose.”