Out of His Mind - 6. Memories

Chapter 6

Memories

Marilyn smiled when her favorite patient walked into the office.

“Tait!” She embraced him warmly. “Oh, you’re looking well. How have you been? And Philip, hello! Hope you’re well.”

Philip shook Marilyn’s hand. “I’m good, thanks. Just caring for Tait when he needs it. He’s been keeping me less busy these days.”

Tait rolled his eyes at Philip, smiled at Marilyn and hugged her. “I’m doing good. I’ve been swimming a lot, looking up old friends, and trying to find work.”

“Oh, very good, and how is that going?”

“I’ve got some leads, so I’m hopeful something will come out of it.”

The nurse smiled. “Tait I’m so pleased for you! Now, the Doctor is with his last patient before you, so have a seat Philip, if you don’t mind, and I’ll take Tait off and get some vitals, okay? The doctor asked for a mini physical today.”

Philip smiled and nodded. He took a seat and a copy of Scene Magazine from the coffee table to read.

“Good Tait, you come with me, please. I just need to get your weight, blood pressure and things like that.” Marilyn waited for Tait to follow her down the light-blue hallway. She turned into an examination room and picked up a chart that had been waiting on the exam table.

“Okay, so first let’s weigh you. Right here.”

Tait stepped on the scale.

The nurse jotted down the number. “Perfect – no problems there. How is your appetite? I know the meds you are taking affects the appetite. The dosage has been lowered though, so how’s that going?

“After I started to swim, my appetite seemed to improve, and it’s better now since I’m taking less medication. I’ve been sleeping better, too.”

“That’s good news. Now jump up on the table, and I’ll take your blood pressure.”

Tait climbed onto the table, while Marilyn reached for the pressure cuff. “Oh, Tait, your shirt, you can’t roll up your sleeve. Can you just slip out of it for me?”

Grinning, Tait pulled off his sweatshirt. “You know you just want to see me shirtless!”

“Oh, God yes. Who wouldn’t?” Marilyn grinned as she wrapped the blood pressure cuff around Tait’s bicep, and turned on the machine.

“Geez, Marilyn these still hurt like fu … crap.”

“I know, but it’s one less thing for me to do.” Marilyn read the orders and saw that Dr. Appel wanted blood work and urine. She made notes of Tait’s general behavior, and once the BP machine beeped, she recorded its findings, along with Tait’s pulse. She turned to the cupboards behind her and found syringes, gloves and a sample bottle.

Tait checked out all the equipment Marilyn laid out. “Um, needles?”

“Yes, I need blood for some tests the doctor wants to run, and you need to give me a urine sample.” The smiling nurse made a big show of pulling on the thin gloves.

Tait sighed and nodded. “Okay. Let’s do this.” He put out his arm so Marilyn could take blood, which she did quickly and efficiently. Once the bandage was on, he jumped from the table, took the sample bottle and walked down the hall to the washroom.

He returned, and handed the sample bottle to the nurse, and kissed her cheek. “Thanks, Marilyn.”

Smiling broadly, she answered, “Go on, and sit with Phil.”

Tait pulled on his shirt and went to sit in the waiting room. He returned the smile that he’d been gifted by Phil. He let himself daydream about what one, well okay a lot more than one, of Phil’s kisses would be like. It had been quite a long time since he’d done anything sexual with anyone, but his dick seemed to like the idea, as it plumped up. Tait was just letting Phil unbutton his shirt when he heard his name and opened his eyes.

“Tait, come on in. It’s good to see you.” Dr. Appel held the door open for Tait and then spoke to Philip. “I may ask you to come in a little later, is that all right?”

Phil nodded. “Sure, no problem. Whatever he needs.”

“Thank you, Phil.” The automatic door shut silently behind Dr. Appel.

Tait sat in the doctor’s office in a chair in front of the large cherry-wood desk. Dr. Appel took his seat and smiled at his patient.

“Tait, tell me how are you?”

“I’m doing okay, Doc. Living with Phil, I think it’s helped a lot. He’s really been supportive. And I’ve been out looking for work, and talking to some old friends. I think I can get something going that will let me have an income.”

The doctor sat back in his chair, listening. “I’m very happy to hear this Tait! So, tell me, this isn’t our monthly appointment. Why are you here?”

Tait drew a deep breath. Saying it out loud – that he wanted to sue his husband – was a scary thing. “Well I wanted to know what you thought of my state of mind. I’m ready to start proceedings to sue Sean for a divorce.”

Dr. Appel considered the request. “You sound ready, but how do you feel?”

“Okay. Nervous, but I’m feeling angry too. I gave up a lot for him and his promises to me, and then he took the rest. I mean, I am a victim, aren’t I, Doc?”

“I think it’s normal to be nervous about embarking on something like this. Yes, Tait, you are a victim. Sean took advantage of you, abused you mentally and physically. I can certainly testify to that.” Dr. Appel appraised his patient. “Have you seen your lawyer?”

“We’re going to see them when we leave here.”

“Do you mind if I ask Philip to join us?” The doctor picked up the telephone and waited.

Tait shook his head. “No, I don’t mind.”

Appel pressed the intercom button. “Marilyn, could you ask Philip to join us in my office, please? Ah, thank you.”

“Tait, I think you’ll be fine, but I think perhaps you should see me a bit more often during this time, just to be sure you are okay. And ….” The doctor pulled a white card from dispenser on his desk. “This should be given to the lawyer. He and I may need to talk, with your permission of course.”

Appel really didn’t need Tait’s permission because Philip still had a conservatorship for him, but it was best that Tait started to have the opportunity to make his own decisions.

At that moment, there was a tap at the door and Philip entered.

Dr. Appel rose, and indicated that Phil should take a seat. “Thank you for coming in.”

“No problem.” Phil sat down in the chair next to Tait’s. Phil squeezed Tait’s hand. Tait glanced at Phil and squeezed back.

Appel continued, “I was just saying to Tait that during this process he should consider seeing me more often, and that the lawyer and I should likely talk.”

Philip nodded. “Yes, I’d agreed with that. It would be good to make sure there’s enough support in case it’s needed, and ensure everyone is on the same page.”

“Good I’m glad you agree, Phil. I’ll need you to keep an eye on Tait. Make sure you let me know if you have any concerns about his reactions or how he seems to be coping. I’m going to give you an e-mail address so you can update me.” Appel scribbled on his prescription pad. “We can set up appointments, but it’s likely better to book early mornings, as court isn’t normally in session before ten. Of course, I’m assuming this goes that far.”

Tait listened quietly to the exchange. He wasn’t too sure how he was feeling; he only knew that he wanted to get this process started. If that meant seeing the doc early and often, then that’s what he’d do.

In addition to his legal issues, pressing in his thoughts were his feelings for Phil. Though it wasn’t the first time he’d considered the possibility, but one or both of them had been involved with others. ‘Phil was always there and there were so many hot men, and then Sean, who said he loved me and wanted me, but I wasn’t bright enough to see it was all his way. And I didn’t see he was slowly breaking me down.’

“Okay, Tait? Tait?” Phil said. He touched Tait’s shoulder.

Shaking his head with a smile, Tait replied, “Yeah, sorry, daydreaming.”

Phil peered at his watch. “Okay, I think if we’re done and we should get going.” He got to his feet.

Dr. Appel stood also. “Yes, I think once you see the lawyer we may have a better understanding of what may happen going forward. Please e-mail me and share the address with the lawyer as well. I think we need to all be prepared so we can best help Tait, if need be.”

As they left the medical building, Phil asked Tait if he was all right.

“Yeah I’m fine, Phil. What time do we have to be at the lawyer’s?”

“We have a couple of hours. Are you hungry? Do you want to go to lunch?”

“I guess I could eat something.”

Phil grinned and opened the car door for Tait. “Hey, feel like Mexican? Casita Del Campo is not too far.”

Tait waited until Phil was settled in the car before he replied. “Yeah, that place is nice; their carnitas are delicious.”

“Great, it’s settled then.”

Once they got into the car, Phil handed Tait a plastic bag. Tait took it and looked inside. He reached in and put the sunglasses on and then threw the bag into the back seat.

“I’ll take my chances with the sunglasses and that’s it!”

Starting the car, Phil just grinned.

Seated near the front window of the restaurant, Phil and Tait snacked on the homemade salsa and tortilla chips their waiter had provided. They’d decided that no alcohol was the best way to go before meeting with the lawyer, so each ordered a Lime Jarritos soda.

Phil was laughing after placing his food order. “Sorry I’m so unimaginative; it’s just that I really like their carnitas too.”

“Oh, Phil, you worry too much, order what you enjoy. How can anyone turn down pork cooked in garlic and orange?”

After sipping his drink, Phil asked, “So – are you really okay?”

Tait gazed into Phil’s concerned brown eyes. “Yes, I’m really okay. I don’t want to see Sean, but I want to put this behind me. To do that, I have to go through this, don’t I?”

“I suppose, but maybe the lawyers can do this without some big trial or something.” Phil dipped into the spicy salsa. “T …?”

“Phil?”

“So, about what we talked about a few days ago – about you and me … us.”

“What about us?” Tait saw the concern in his friend’s eyes. “Are you worried?”

“Yes, I’m worried. I don’t want to lose what we have.”

“And what if we don’t take the chance, Phil? What if we could have something? You said you love me.”

Phil took Tait’s hand across the table. “I do love you, but you don’t love me. Not like that anyway.”

“And you’re sure of that are you?” Tait paused and sighed. “I feel something, Phil. I guess I did on that evening we met. Maybe my head has been up my ass, because I wanted rich, famous, bad boys, but I love you, Phil. I want to give us a chance.”

“We have to go slow. I can’t be the rebound guy, okay? I can’t do that, Tait.”

Tait nodded. “Okay, we’ll do it your way.”

Both men were grateful when their main courses arrived. The carnitas was served with rice and beans, guacamole and pico de gallo. They ate in companionable silence for several minutes, and then Philip laid down his cutlery.

“Tait?”

“Phil?” Tait grinned at his friend, who laughed.

“Tait, you’re going to ask that the house be sold and half the money is returned to you or that Sean gives you half based on market prices, is that right?”

Nodding, Tait picked up rice and guacamole on his fork and chewed it.

“What else?”

“Um, I’m not sure.”

“Think, what else? You’ll naturally get half of all the liquid assets, but you two had a lot of art, books, expensive stuff in your home. You should get half of its value too.”

“Sean, picked most of it,” Tait said bitterly. “It was just another way to hurt me. He ignored my input, my suggestions, what I liked, said he knew better, and had better taste.” After a minute he brightened. “I’ll tell them I want the Seasons, all four of them. I like them and they are Sean’s pride and joy. I’ll fight for them.”

Phil cocked his head. “Aren’t those of you? They’re good sized if I’m thinking of the right ones. Didn’t he get offered like $250,000.00 for one of them?”

“Yeah he did. That’s all I want, half the house and money, and those. He can keep the rest of the stuff I bought him.”

After coffee, Phil paid the bill and he and Tait continued their journey to see the lawyer.

In the offices of Davis, Ross and Parsons, Tait and Philip were asked to wait by the tall blond receptionist.

The two men waited quietly together and it was about ten minutes later when the receptionist spoke to them. “Gentlemen? Mr. Parsons and Miss Rawcliffe are ready for you now.”

They stood and followed her down a richly-carpeted hall to a beautifully appointed office. Joseph Parsons rose from behind his desk and walked around it to meet them. Dina Rawcliffe shook hands with Tait and Philip.

Parsons was a divorce attorney and Rawcliffe a State prosecutor. Phil had spoken to them both, asking that they both be present in order to reduce Tait’s effort and stress.

“Tait Adamsen?” Parsons put out his hand and Tait shook it, and then he greeted Philip in the same fashion.

Parsons indicated the chairs in front of the desk. “Please, let’s sit.”

The lawyer sat and observed his client for a moment, while he opened the manila file that sat on his desk. “So Tait, may I call you Tait?”

Tait nodded.

“It is my understanding that you wish to file for divorce from Sean Peter O’Grady, is that correct?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, I’ll be handling your divorce, and Ms. Rawcliffe is your attorney in the criminal assault case. We thought it might be easier if we attended together. However, if you prefer to see us separately, we can certainly make other arrangements.”

“No, I’m happy to do this all now.”

“Are you looking for half of all communal property; your family home and the contents, investments, cars?”

“Mr. Parsons, I want half of the liquid assets and what the house is worth, and I want four specific paintings from the house.”

“That’s quite specific, Tait. Will he fight us for them?”

Nodding Tait said, “Oh yes, I’m sure he will.”

“Okay. Tell me more about the paintings, what are they, things like that.”

“They are paintings of me. Sean painted them when things were really good between us, and we were happy. It’s a collection called Seasons. The paintings are of me, in various poses, always near a window and through which you can see what season of the year it is. I love them. They remind me a happier time.”

“Tait, over the remainder of today, I’m going to need you to tell me what O’Grady did to you.”

Tait simply nodded.

Parsons then turned to Philip. “I understand you are Tait’s conservator.”

“Yes, I am.” Philip nodded.

“Okay, then I expect you have copies of any papers I may require. Including police reports, the restraining order, and other court documents?”

“Yes.”

Parsons smiled. “That’s excellent. Please bring them with when we meet next. I’ll make copies, and have a set sent to you too, Ms. Rawcliffe.”

Dina Rawcliffe nodded her head. “Thank you.”

Philip said, “I’ll bring them with us next appointment.”

“Thank you. Okay, Tait let’s get started.”

Phil patted Tait’s shoulder, and Tait reached up and a touched it. “Okay.”

Parsons explained, “You’ll be asked these things again in Court, I can guarantee that. I’m going to record this, okay?”

“Yes, okay.”

Parsons turned on a recording device. He provided some details such as the case number, Tait’s name and what the recording was of. Dina Rawcliffe made notes furiously.

“Okay, Tait, in your own time ….”

So Tait did. He explained how he’d met Sean, how they fell in love. How the first couple of years were good, but they had been peppered with arguments and a slap now and then, while Sean slowly began to break Tait down.

First it was words, name calling and belittling the handsome model in front of friends. When they were alone it got worse; Tait was stupid, his looks were fading, he’d amount to nothing, and the only smart thing he’d done was marry Sean.

Sean began to control Tait’s earnings and the household expenses. He controlled who Tait saw and the jobs he accepted.

Finally one day Tait had had enough and he stood up to his husband. Sean had been demanding sex, it was the afternoon and Tait was trying to go through some contracts he’d been sent, and Sean had agreed sign off on.

“Sean, stop it. I’m busy right now; we can go to bed later.”

Sean’s eyes darkened as his anger grew. He rose from the sofa and walked to where Tait sat at the desk.

Tait glanced up and Sean slapped him – hard. The blow surprised Tait and he saw stars. He attempted to get up, but Sean was on him, hands around his husband’s throat. They fell to the carpet, Tait’s head hitting hard, and the air was knocked out of him. Sean straddled Tait, still squeezing, with Tait fighting back as best he could. After releasing Tait’s throat, Sean hit him again and again until Tait lay still – eyes open but defeated.

Sean leaned into Tait’s face, his own purple with rage. “You are going to get up and you are going to our bedroom. You will strip and present your ass to me. Do you understand me, you talentless piece of shit?”

Feeling moisture from his nose and upper lip, Tait nodded.

Sean got off him, and Tait got to his knees, blood dripping on the carpet. Sean kicked him in the stomach and genitals. He screamed, “Get the fuck upstairs!”

As he stripped and knelt on the bed, Tait cried silent tears of humiliation. He uttered no sound, even as Sean entered him. And while Sean used him and finally came, Tait realized that today Sean had not even been drinking.

That fact frightened him. All the other times, Sean had been drunk. Now Tait had nothing to blame and he was afraid.

Phil sat listening to Tait’s story, his heart breaking for his friend. He knew this was hard for Tait to talk about and he stared at the lawyers whose faces gave nothing away.

When Tait went quiet, Joseph Parsons, asked, “Was it like this often? From then going forward, did he physically beat and assault you? How often would you say?”

“He hit me on the body mostly, usually a couple of times a week. He left my face after that, because it affected my work.”

“So was he living off your income at this time?” Parson’s asked.

“Yes for the most part. I think he was getting royalties, but he didn’t share those with me. They weren’t deposited into our joint accounts. I never saw them.”

“The house, did you both put in funds equally?”

“I sold my condo in The Century building. I bought the house we shared, but I put it in both our names.”

“Tait, we can prove that the money was yours, if you want the full amount.”

Tait shook his head, no. “I just want the house sold and I want half of what it’s sold for.”

Dina Rawcliffe spoke up, “I want you to ask for it all. I’m not sure that it will look good for you to let him have anything willingly. Now is not the time to be generous to the man who tried to kill you.”

“Okay,” Tait agreed.

Parsons made notes and then spoke directly to Tait. “Ms. Rawcliffe and I need to know what put you in the hospital, Tait. I’m sorry, I know it’s difficult.”

Tait drew in a deep breath. “Okay, I’ll tell you.”

<<>*<>>

It just got worse from there after he beat and forced himself on me. My friends noticed. Bruises. Weight loss. Depression. The violence got to be a regular thing. The sex changed, there were no excuses, no fun, I did as I was told or else. As I lay beneath him, there was no love in this act; I was his property. I obeyed and did whatever he told me to. Sometimes he beat me anyway. There was no way to know when it would happen; it was never the same twice. I was always afraid.

I’d turned into a groveling pile of fear and self-hatred. If Sean said jump, I jumped twice, I’d do anything to keep him happy – hoping that meant he wouldn’t hit me, but it usually didn’t work. Looking back, I think he liked the violence and planned for it.

Finally things changed when a large gallery in New York City wanted to put on a show of Sean’s work. He had to be in the City for a few weeks to set up and he said he had no interest in taking me along. He told me straight to my face that he’d be enjoying the favors of others while he was gone.

I suffered a psychotic break – that’s what the doctor called it – just before he left for New York. All the fear and stuff I’d held in, the relief he was going, but knowing he’d be back, just flooded out, and I fell apart.

My tears and fear just goaded him that morning, and Sean beat me like he never had before. This time it was more than his hands; he used a shillelagh, a proper one, which he’d brought with him from Ireland. I heard my bones crack.

The fight started in the den where his collection was kept. He yelled and screamed at me, calling me names, telling me how useless and weak I was.

He’d already knocked me down and I watched him walk over to the wall and pick one of the clubs up. Then he tested the weight in his hands by slapping it into the other palm. He smiled at me then, it was horrible, cruel and he laughed as he walked toward me. I knew what he was going to do, I tried to crawl away but he grabbed me and pulled me back.

I didn’t think I’d live through it. He struck me a couple of times in the ribs and head and one of those opened my cheek. I felt the blood running down my face. I remember him straddling me, grabbing my hair and beating my head on the floor. But the last things I remember were his eyes. He was crazy, out of control. I thought, ‘He’s going to kill me.’

Phil knew Sean would be out of town and we’d made plans to meet for dinner that evening. Luckily he came over when I didn’t answer the phone. Phil found me in the bathroom on the floor, drifting in and out of consciousness, and curled in the fetal position. They think I crawled there after Sean had done with me. Phil called an ambulance that took me to the hospital.

<<>*<>>

Rawcliffe and Parsons jotted notes. When Tait went quiet, Parsons asked, “These shillelagh, tell me more about them.”

Tait took a deep breath and replied, “Sean collects them. He has some ancient ones. I guess he had about seventy of them. Some of them have lead in one end, that’s what he used that morning.”

Parsons nodded and wrote, and Philip felt nauseous. He remembered that afternoon only too well. Wondering why Tait hadn’t answered his cell or the house phone, he’d started to feel something wasn’t right, so he made his way over to Tait and Sean’s.

After seeing Tait’s car, he let himself in and discovered Tait on the bathroom floor in a pool of blood. He’d called the police and ambulance. The police caught up to Sean before he’d left town and he had been arrested. However, he was held in jail for less time than Tait was in the hospital, thanks to a talented legal team and the ability to pay the bail with Tait’s money.

Philip let the lawyers know that he felt Tait had done enough for the day. Agreeing, they set up another appointment for the following week.

Outside, Phil helped his friend into the car. “You okay, T?”

After a small sigh, Tait nodded and said, “Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s go home, I could use a drink.”

“Agreed. We’ll order Chinese and watch TV … no courtroom dramas tonight though, okay?”

Tait nodded with a tight smile, as Phil slipped his arm around him.