He Came to Stay - 19. Chapter 19

NINETEEN

To be honest, I enjoyed every bit of what Ishan did that night. Yet a sense of guilt cropped in my mind. I didn’t indulge him, but still, I didn’t prevent him either. I shouldn’t have enjoyed his misadventures. But on a second thought, it occurred to me, if I was made like that, how could I prevent myself enjoying his deeds? That appeared to be destiny. But did I not do injustice to Avijit? Perhaps he knew nothing about what was going on between Ishan and me. He just had a rough idea that I had a feeling for Ishan. That’s all! Wasn’t it me who was solely responsible for the plight that Avijit was suffering from? When this thought occupied me, I vehemently tried to oppose and erect an excuse in my favour. Ishan came in my life long before Avijit came. Perhaps, it was due to long absence of Ishan that caused me to enter into a relationship with Avijit. However hard did I try all excuses and all ratiocination appeared to be just lame excuses for justifying something that was blatantly wrong. As my heart fidgeted with such a sense of guilt, one afternoon I was sitting beside the window lost in the partly clear sky of the early autumn. PUJA was not far away. So people were busy in their preparation for the event. They would buy new cloths for their friends and relatives, paint their rooms, plan for a tour, and so on. But I was very reluctant to go for shopping. I would wait for the last moment. And when no days would be left I would go to the nearby market to purchase gifts for my friends.

Hindi songs were being played constantly in the local pandal adding to my indignation to go to the market. The entire nature appeared to be fresh after bathing four months long in the rain. The monsoon clouds having been receded, fresh white clouds appeared to be vermilion against the setting sun in the dusk. Ishan was about to return from his college at any time. As he would be very hungry, I was expected to keep his food ready before he would return. Generally, I didn’t do it. Only on occasions I used to prepare special dishes. But since the main had taken a leave for having her five years old son’s hydrosol operated at a public hospital, I had to look after all the small and big things of the household. It was not easy to hire another person for those three weeks when she was absent. Nobody was much interested in working at a stand-alone house, when they have a lot of job opportunity in big apartments. In these apartments they can mage to do two-three jobs at the same time.

Reluctantly I went to the kitchen. My landline phone rang up. I returned to my drawing room to receive the call. Unexpectedly it was Avijit. ‘Are you at home?’ he asked.

--Yes. How are you?

--I have an urgent need for meeting you.

--Need to see me today itself?

-Are you busy now? Then I’ll make it some other day.

--No. You may come right now.

He arrived when I was preparing the evening tea. Ishan was yet to return from his college. As I asked him to join me for the tea, he stared at me with glaring eyes. I knew what was waiting for me. To cover up all my worries I started preparing the tea. I knew that he was observing my movements. But I avoided eye contact with him. When the tea was ready and he was still standing, I murmured, ‘Why are you standing? Please sit down!’

--Thanks!

Dragging the molded stool he sat on it, and then with an unexpectedly soft voice he asked, ‘How are you Sumanda? You are looking pale.’

--I’m well. How are you?

--I’m here not to tell about myself. I have brought something for you!

He handed over a packet held in his hand. ‘Is it a puja gift?’ I asked.

--Hmm.

The packet contained a blue shirt. He knew that was my favorite color. ‘I think we need to go to the market tomorrow for shopping,’ I urged.

--Haven’t you done with your shopping yet?

--Nope.

--Which time?

--May be in the evening, if you are free!

--I’ve an appointment. But I’ll manage.

--No. If you are busy, then we can go on the day after tomorrow.

--The appointment is not that important. I needed to visit a friend for some study material, which I can do another time.

--I’m not good at bargaining. So, I shall be of little help to you. But I know that you won’t go to buy anything for yourself, if I don’t go with you.

People started their preparation several weeks prior to the beginning of puja. Friends and relatives would come to visit their houses. Special dishes would be prepared for them. Some stereotypical traditional cuisines were ‘special’ for them. Hilsha bhaape (steamed hilsa), or khashir mangsho (mutton curry) would hit the chart on the day of Saptami. On Ashtami they would prepare luchi (deep-fried flatbread made of wheat) and alur dom (spicy potato). As far as food was concerned, in my house any occasion was a festive occasion; no reasons were needed to celebrate. Ishan had an open permit to bring his friends at my hotel (he used my house in a way, which always gave me this impression) and order for special dishes absolutely for free.

A little later than we decided to go for shopping Ishan returned with Prabhat both bubbling with laughter and I knew that our plan was going to be spoiled. I was a bit apprehensive about Avijit’s reaction of my not being able to go for the shopping due to Ishan’s return with his friend. ‘What is so ludicrous?’ I asked. ‘Prabhat has a phone-friend. He gave her his number during a chatting session on the net. This girl, Samarpita, makes him frequent phone calls and seems to have a keen interest in him. You know what I mean’ said Ishan. Prabhat blushed. ‘That’s okay, but I don’t understand what’s so laughable about it?’ I asked.

--They exchanged pictures. And Prabhat didn’t like her much. She stays alone at her mess. Now, she is asking him to meet up with her at her mess. He is afraid of losing his chastity.

‘Shut up!’ Prabhat yelled.

I looked at Avijit to find him simpering. ‘So, as it stands, the girl likes Prabhat, and he doesn’t want to have a relationship with her’ I paraphrased Ishan’s words. ‘Then why don’t you tell her straight away?’ I asked Prabhat. ‘He is too coy to do that. All the more so when he had instigated her a lot before seeing her picture. Now that he has seen it, he would be happy not to be nagged again and be left in peace,’ Ishan replied. Gathering all seriousness in my face I commented, ‘The situation seems to be quite grim!’ In a moment a mischievous plan hatched in my mind, as I asked, ‘Does she know your whereabouts?’

--No. We never met, only talked over the phone.

--Call her number and when she would receive the call pass on your phone to me. I’ll manage everything.

--But how?

--Wait and see.

‘He doesn’t have to make her a call. She calls him in over the phone in every five minutes,’ Ishan chuckled. ‘It’s too much Ishan!’ Prabhat yelled.

I asked them to fresh up while going to the kitchen to bring the food prepared for Ishan. They had to share the food. But fortunately there was enough food for them. Prabhat went to the toilet when I heard Ishan shouting, ‘Prabhat, she is calling again.’ Prabhat rushed to receive the call. He might not like the girl, yet his eagerness for receiving her call clearly showed that he enjoyed the entire thing. Perhaps, nobody on earth would be disgusted knowing that someone liked him. But if things turned out to be serious, then it would bother him. The same thing happened in his case. He received the call. But apparently there was a network failure. He got no response from the other end, tried to call back and in the end disgusted he threw off the phone on the couch.

They were too curious about my plan. But I decided to keep it a secret until the last moment. When I and Avijit went off for shopping they were still contemplating on my plans.

I never spent a lot of time in shopping. I knew what I wanted and where it would be available. I would go to those particular outlets and see a few items before finally selecting the items. Avijit, however, was quite choosy about my outfits. He insisted on buying a pair of jeans for me. But I prevented him saying that when he would start earning, I would be the first person to ask him for treats, though he was not easy to be resisted. Finally, we agreed that Avijit would give me a treat at Shiraj. I purchased two t-shirts and a pair of jeans for him. Apparently, that little token of love made him happy. In the restaurant I was looking at his eyes constantly, which made him a bit uneasy. He hardly had an eye contact with me. The waiter came for the order. I ordered two chicken soups, two mutton biriyani-s and a mutton maharaja. ‘Don’t you want anything else?’ Avijit asked. I knew that was just a courtesy. He was well aware that the amount of food that I ordered was more than enough for us, as neither of us was a gourmet. I didn’t answer his query, nor did he expect any. I wanted to be alone with him. But the waiter came to fill up our glasses. I won’t be able to talk to Avijit after returning home, since Ishan and Prabhat would be there. Looking into those innocent eyes I was thinking about the future of our relationship. I tried to gauge the amount of turmoil that he was going through, the depth of love that he fostered in his heart and the amount of endurance that he had to have in that tender age due to all that had happened to him. ‘Won’t you ask me anything?’ I murmured.

--What?

--Don’t you have any query?

--Better I don’t ask anything. You don’t have the answers.

I readily realized that he was not as vulnerable as I thought. He came fully prepared with all the weapons of his arsenal ready to strike. But I decided to give him a chance to hurt me and to vent out his grudge. That would pacify his tormented soul to some extent. Since he was the host that evening, I was sure that he won’t leave the cabin whatever may come. ‘Still, you may ask.’ I urged.

--What should I ask? Why did you do this to me? I know you can’t answer it. You know that I love you, and I don’t wanna get you into an awkward situation. Better I keep quiet and silently witness whatever is going to happen next.

--Nothing has happened Avi. Everything is going to be alright. Just give me some time.

--What are you talking about? Things don’t naturally change in our favor. We need to take initiative to change its course. But you don’t need to do anything. It is my fault that I love you. I am being punished for that. Forget it. Let me suffer for my love.

‘Do you regret for being in love with me? Don’t be so harsh!’ I held his hand. ‘Leave me alone’ he raised his voice, while forcibly releasing his hand from my clutches. Removing the curtain the waiter peeped in, ‘May I help you sir?’ Baffled, I was looking for words to manage the situation. Avijit admonished, ‘Yes, you can help us by leaving us alone. Can’t you do that?’

--Yeas sir! But your order is ready.

--Please bring them and go to hell!

‘Avijit’ I yelled.

The waiter left and in a while returned with the food, silently placed then on the table and left again. There was hardly any communication between us during the dinner. The restaurant was not far away from my house. I preferred to walk down the deserted street rather than taking a conveyance in the pretext that taking a walk after dinner was good for health. But I was sure that an intelligent guy like him could guess the real reason behind it. Of late I observed that Avijit was growing more and more reserved. Earlier on each and every issue he used to fight and I used to join him in the fight, provoking and tacitly indulging him with weaker arguments. One reason why he didn’t fight with me anymore was that he was growing mature. But somewhere in my heart I know that the greater reason was that he did no more consider me as his own.

The street was not much crowded. Only a few private vehicles were moving with their headlights on. The all penetrating lights of those vehicles appeared to be baring open the darker side of my heart, which I was trying my best to hide from him. ‘The custom of giving gifts to your friends on the occasion of puja is a complete farce,’ I tried to initiate a debate in the hope that he would oppose me. Usually, he would not let such occasions go undebated. But this time he only said, ‘May be!’ I tried a last chance, ‘You are supposed to buy gifts for those whom you don’t like much.’ ‘You also get a chance to gift your beloved’ he responded.

--But you can buy gifts for your dear ones anytime.

--Everybody is not so lucky.

--Who prevents them?

I waited for an answer. Time seemed to have come to an end. Only the sound of these two guys walking along the rugged street trumpeted in my ears the futility of such my effort. He didn’t reply. The answer was so obvious that asking him again appeared to be frivolous. He was too intelligent not to be able to understand my real intention. Perhaps, he had already understood it. I expected him to give me a chance, knowingly or unknowingly, by indulging into the debate. What worried me was the complete withdrawal syndrome that he expressed through his behavior that evening.

On returning I asked Avijit to come in. but he politely refused my invitation saying, ‘Ishan and Prabhat are there.’

--So what? Are they going to kill you?

--I have to do my study. Good night, Sumanda!

He gave me no chance to request him again, though I wanted him to be with me that night. At the same time I was a bit scared, since Ishan was there. It was already half past nine. Prabhat seemed to have no intention of returning to their hostel. I could hear their voice. The impression of Ishan’s frolicking with my body in the presence of Avijit and the subsequent reaction of the latter was still fresh in my mind as if it happened yesterday. I didn’t resist Avijit from leaving.