He Came to Stay - 20. Chapter 20

TWENTY

On my return I found Ishan and Prabhat were still there in my drawing room watching a cricket-match on the television. I readily realized that Prabhat was in no mood to leave that night. So, I had to prepare food for them. ‘Did the maid come,’ I asked. They were so engrossed in the TV that they didn’t pay heed to my call. Had I made another call, it would face the same fate. I rather preferred to go to the kitchen and check out for myself if the maid had prepared anything for them. When Ishan and his friends watched cricket matches, it gave me the impression that it was not them who watched the match rather the match compelled them to watch.

As it was expected, there was not much food for dinner. Engrossed in the India-Pakistan match, Ishan forgot to ask the maid to prepare dinner for them. I never expected him to take care of anything in the household. He knew everything would be ready for him. He never took interest in how things were, how things had been in there proper places and that also in time. He knew that Dada would take care of everything. Somewhere it gave me a sort of pleasure that he trusted me so much and depended on me. At the same time it also gave me to believe that he never took this household as his own. He took this place just as a hotel or a guest house, where you just come and live for a while and expect every comfort without ever bothering about how they are provided, or how and where they come from. I would be surprised if he would ask the maid to prepare food for them. Such ‘small’ things could never bother him. I often thought I should also remain oblivious about such ‘small’ things and let him understand the importance of ‘small things’ in life. But my love for him somehow prevented me from doing so. I couldn’t see him starve for the night. I went out to purchase food. On my way to purchase food, I made Avijit a phone call. Of later I noticed that Avijit received my calls with lack of enthusiasm, which was so characteristic of him. He appeared to have lost all faith in me. He received the call, said ‘hello,’ and remained quiet. I heard his mother was calling him for dinner. ‘You could have stayed back in my house for the night’ I urged.

—Do you think there is a dearth of visitors at your place tonight?

I was surprised at this answer. I never expected him to reply me so aggressively. I knew what he was referring to. ‘Still, I would have been happy having you beside me tonight’ I said.

—There are people who can make you happier.

—Whom you are talking about? Ishan?

—Ask yourself. You know it very well.

—No, I don’t know. You tell me.

—Your innocence is really admirable! If you don’t know it yet, then you will never know. I’m getting late for dinner. Talk to you later.

In a desperate attempt to make things lighter, I said, ‘would you take another dinner? You eat too much in the restaurant!’ he couldn’t notice the pan involved in my words. Or might it be that he consciously ignored it? Anyway, he replied, ‘Mom’s calling. I got to go.’

—Well, take care!

Prabhat and Ishan must have been extremely hungry by then. I purchased food for them and rushed back to my home.

On my return Ishan almost snatched the food-packets from my hand and went straight to the dining table, where Prabhat, seemingly hungry, was eagerly waiting for me to return with the food. He asked me to join them. But I refused to join as I had already had enough for the night. ‘You could have taken your dinner with us and could also invite Avijit for dinner tonight’ urged Prabhat. I was not much attentive to what he was saying. ‘We were too hungry to wait for the dinner’ I replied unmindfully while retoring to my room.

The entire episode of Avijit’s making me the telephone call till his parting was being re-enacted in my mind. I became as depressed after his departure as I was enthralled after receiving his call. I started working out what was going on in his mind during the intricate course of events occurring in that evening. Did he call me in with the intention of having a patch up with me? If so, then why was he so stubborn whenever I took a positive step towards it? Why did he not come inside after returning from the shopping mall? Would his relationship with Ishan ever improve? I delved deep into my mind to discover if I really wanted it to improve. Yes, I really wanted their relationship to improve. But I didn’t want them to be closer to each other than what they were at that time. I didn’t want them to be as close friends as to share all their secrets and feelings with each other. They comprised two entirely different segments of my life, which were apparently incommensurate to a great extent. In my life they were like two islands—entirely isolated from each other. It was next to impossible for them to unite; perhaps, I also did not want them to come closer. I wanted these two segments of my life—one concerned with Avijit and the other with Ishan—separate from each other. Lain on my bed I was still engrossed in these conflicting states of my mind. Soon I fell asleep while Ishan and Prabhat were still chatting.

I woke up on a ring of my mobile. It was my aunt. She made the call to tell me that she would be coming to my place to see Ishan and would be staying till puja. As usual, she didn’t wait for my reaction and cut the call immediately. I was not very happy to have the news that she would be coming to stay with me. Her staying in my place would mean lesser chance for Avijit to come. I noticed on several occasions that he growingly felt uncomfortable interacting with me in the presence of others. I was looking forward to the puja days, when I would expectedly have a greater chance of interacting with him. My constant indifference made him introvert with the secrets of his heart, the secret love that he nurtured and protected from all adversities including my negligence towards it. Like a hare coming out of its burrow with its kids only in the solitude of a full moon, he delicately opened up the secret of his heart to me when I would be alone.

A ring on Prabhat’s mobile drew my attention to it. I discovered that both of them were still lost in slumber. I tried to awaken him, but failed. He seemed to be still enjoying the last lap of his early morning sleep. I shoved him, first gently, then violently to only have him holding my hand and removing it with vigor from his body while producing with his mouth a sound of indignation. After a few attempts Prabhat woke up and hurriedly received the call, ‘hello.’ He was still drowsy and was yet to shake off that state. ‘I’m with a friend of mine now’ he said. Then, after a pause I heard, ‘I always remember you!’ I readily realized that it must be the girl, who was interested in him. ‘You always remain busy with your phone friends. You have no time for me. I came all the way from Kolkata to Siliguri and am staying in a hotel just to spend some quality time with you. You didn’t let me sleep in the night, and now, early in the morning, you started again with your telephone. I am fed up with you!’ said I as loudly as to be heard over the telephone and winked at Prabhat. He looked at me and reciprocated with a snigger. He was cleaver enough to realize my real intention. He set his mobile on the speaker mode so that I could hear what the girl was saying. ‘My friend, with whom I am right now’ he said over the telephone.

—Where are you at now?

—Where?

—Siliguri.

—Why didn’t you invite him to your place!

—What are saying! When my parents are there, how could I invite him to my house?

—Why? Don’t you invite your friends to your place?

—Yes, but in his case it is different.

—Why? Isn’t he your friend?

—Yes. Friend, A special friend indeed!

—Who is he?

—What should I say? I told you, he is my friend.

—Just friend! What is his name?

—I call him ‘Mon’. Wanna talk to him?

He handed over the mobile to me, ‘Mon, Joyee wants to talk to you.’

‘How are you Joyeeta?’ I asked, but got no reply. I further mellowed down my voice and ask, ‘Are you indignant at me Joyee?’

—Please call me Joyeeta! What is your relation with him?

—Don’t you understand what my relationship is with him? Don’t you understand why a guy travels all the way to come to Siliguri from Kolkata and stay at a Hotel just to catch a glimpse of him?

—When did you come?

—Two days back.

—And when did he come?

—Only the last evening.

—What did you do in the night? What do you want from him?

—How would I say that? I feel shy. You understand what I mean! When he is with me, I can hardly control myself. I know he loves me. But I want more. I heard that you are quite close to him.

—Can you help me?

—How?

—Can you make him understand how much do I love him?

—Don’t drag me into this nasty affair!

—Nasty! Do you call love nasty? Was Shree Chaitanya Mahaprabhu’s relationship with Shree Krishna ‘nasty?’

—Hold your tongue! I don’t want to listen to the names of deities from your dirty mouth.

—I love him! He also loves me! But he is only hesitant about the future of our relationship. Can’t you convince him that I would make him happy?

—Please stop it! I don’t want to get involved in your filthy relationship.

—Perhaps, you got indignant with me. But what would I do? Had I been aware of your feelings, I wouldn’t have taken the step. I came in his life long before you came. Now that I have got so involved with him, how would I step back? I love him so much! Can’t live without him!

—Would you please stop this coquetry!

—Please don’t cut the line! You don’t have to talk to me, but please talk to him!

—I don’t want to talk to anybody. Tell him, I won’t call him again. He is free to call me though, if he needs to.

She immediately cut the call, but on my indulgence Prabhat called her back immediately. She received the call, ‘What? Say.’

—Joyee, Please don’t misunderstand me. We are good friends after all.

—I’m not misunderstanding anybody. I was in a delusion. Now I understand everything.

—Do you think that a man and a woman can have only one type of relationship between them? They can be good friends!

—Friends? Bull shit! You are not a man, you are a gay!

—Sorry, but I beg to say that you are contradicting yourself. A gay must be a man.

—Damn it! Go to hell!

—Joyee!

She cut the call and we laughed a horse laugh.

While I was enjoying this funny incident with them, the news of my aunt’s visit was still stealthily bothering me. A person, as intrusive as my aunt, would definitely create between Avijit and me an unbridgeable chasm, which I would be the last person to tolerate. On the other hand, if such a situation should arise and if I protest, then it would cause a lot of embarrassment to Avijit, leave alone my feelings. Further, it would surely spoil my relationship with Ishan. I wanted to avoid the prospective confrontation at any cost. I thought, during my aunt’s stay in my house, I should rather go for an outing with Avijit, if, obviously, he would agree to go with me. When I told Ishan about my plan of going to Shimultala for two weeks for a change during the puja vacation, the entire atmosphere of the room changed abruptly. Suddenly, everything got serious. He asked, ‘Who will take care of you?’ Perhaps, he was expecting that I would request him and he would give a thousand excuses for not going with me, such as his exams were coming close, some imminent cricket matches, in which he was supposed to participate, would be there, and so on. Though I knew that in the end on several requests he would agree to go. But what apparently surprised him was that I didn’t make any such request. On the contrary, I calmly said that I would request Avijit, as he also would have a vacation during that time. This to some extent disheartened him. He just climbed down the bed. When I looked into his eyes he pulled a long face and didn’t have an eye-contact with me. I knew what it meant. He had a mammoth ego, which sometimes was just intolerable. But on that occasion I didn’t want to enter into an ego-tussle with him. I had enough problems to solve; and when an easy way out of this stalemate was readily available, there was no point in entering into it. I informed him of his mother’s plans and said, ‘You stay here with her during her stay. It is your responsibility that she should not have any problem at my place. I would ask the maid not to take leave and I would store everything that you would require. The only thing you need to do is to go to the market for fish and fresh vegetables.’ Being a widow of a Brahmin my aunt didn’t take any fish or flesh. But she often cooked them for her son.

This revelation entirely changed his mood. The dense cloud of gloominess created by a deep sense of being shunned by me suddenly evaporated from his face and a fresh spell of dashing smile surged in. His eyes turned mischievous, as he asked, ‘Did you talk to Avijit?’ he put this question so casually as not to let me have any hint that he was interested in going with me. I made no mistake in understanding the sense that he was trying to convey. ‘Don’t worry, I won’t ask you to accompany me!’ I replied.

—I’m not talking about myself. I was only worried who would take care of you.

—Let see!

—If he refuses to go then please let me know. I can send some one of my friends with you.

I was infuriated at these last words, but could somehow control myself. ‘I don’t have any dearth of friends’ said I grimly. Perhaps, he realized that his proposal didn’t make me happy. That was the reason he changed the topic immediately, ‘When is she coming?’ ‘Today’ was the short reply that I gave while picking up the shopping bag hung on a peg in a corner of the kitchen. I didn’t know if Prabhat could understand what was going on behind this conversation, or if he could understand then how he felt. Everything happened before his eyes. The only hope was that it was too subtle for an outsider, who didn’t know both of us very closely, to understand. The morning beam was penetrating through my window panes. Without saying a single word I headed towards the market to purchase food-staff for my aunt.