Mental Games - 3. The Healing Process

George and Rita Washburn spent most of the next two weeks at the hospital, as they continued to stand vigil at their son's bedside. They spent part of the time merely sitting beside Adam's bed, while holding his hand or gently stroking his arm, but at other times they anxiously paced around the room, while gawking at his bruised and battered body. They also spent a great deal of time comforting each other and saying things such as, "Everything is going to be all right," but no matter what they did, they were never very far away from their son. The pair was simply too busy watching for even the slightest sign of improvement or any indication that Adam was coming around.

Adam's parents also chatted with Mike about a wide variety of different topics, but all of them were becoming increasingly frustrated that Adam’s condition didn’t appear to be improving. In fact, they were beginning to wonder if Adam was ever going to get better. Even though they each loved him dearly and were willing to do anything they could to assist him, it was becoming more and more difficult to remain optimistic with every passing day. Near the end of the second week, George suddenly turned toward Mike and made an unexpected announcement.

“Mike, Rita and I would really like to stay here until Adam completely recovers, but the doctor says things could continue on like this for quite some time,” he began, as he shifted nervously in his seat. “If we remain here with him for much longer, then the two of us will be in danger of losing our jobs and we can't afford for that to happen. We have already used up the additional family leave time our companies had granted us, so now we’re forced to explore other options."

George stopped speaking momentarily, as he glanced over at his wife. She gave him a weak smile in return, but it was fairly obvious this situation was taking a tremendous toll on both of them. After a brief pause, George turned back to Mike and started speaking again.

"I’ve discussed our options with Dr. Corrigan again, but he still insists it would be unsafe to move Adam in his current condition. Although Adam's internal injuries appear to be healing and his broken bones are mending, Doctor Corrigan strongly recommends we keep him here."

George looked uneasy after admitting this and paused to study Mike's face. Mike appeared to be listening intently and sat with his head tilted slightly to one side, as he supported it with his right fist. Noting he had Mike's full attention, Mr. Washburn took another moment to nervously wet his lips with his tongue before speaking again. This indicated to Mike that the doctor's recommendation deeply concerned Adam's father. Mike also figured George's current hesitation was to allow him enough time to choose his words carefully, before he spoke again.

“I think Dr. Corrigan made his suggestion because he’s worried that moving Adam could possibly aggravate any damage that might have already occurred to his brain and nervous system,” Mr. Washburn added, as he ran his fingers through his hair. He also glanced over at his wife again, to see how she was holding up under the strain.

“Even though I keep pressing Dr. Corrigan," George continued, after turning back to Mike, "he isn't able to provide me with any more information about Adam's condition or prognosis. He claims he has no idea about how much longer Adam will remain in the coma or even if he'll recover. At times he has hinted that Adam could regain consciousness as early as tomorrow, but then he has also stated this could go on for weeks, months or possibly even longer. He just isn't sure. He has also informed us that he still occasionally has to relieve the pressure on Adam's brain by draining off the excess fluids, which can't be a good sign. Without any more definite information than he has been able to provide us, We just don't know what else we should do.”

Mr. Washburn stopped speaking at this point, as he hung his head in silent resignation and desperation. It was obvious the decision he was currently trying to explain to Mike had been extremely difficult for him and his wife to make. They obviously would have preferred to remain with their son, but that would create an entirely different set of problems. The Washburns understood they had to be realists, as well and take into account all of the available facts.

Feeling a sudden wave of empathy for the pair, Mike stood up and moved closer to the man. In an effort to make him feel better, Mike placed his hand on George's shoulder, but he also glanced over at Adam's mother and forced a smile.

Mrs. Washburn looked equally as troubled about this as her husband, although she refused to leave her son's side for even the short time it was taking to explain this. She continued to hold Adam's hand and stroked it gently as she listened to the conversation. As Mike studied both of their faces, it appeared to him as if Adam's parents had each aged a couple of years since this nightmare began. It was obviously taking its toll on them too and Mr. Washburn swallowed hard several times before continuing the conversation.

”I think it’s fairly obvious that Adam’s medical treatment and eventual rehabilitation is going to be very expensive,” he stated once he started speaking again. Upon hearing this, Mike nodded slightly, to let George know he understood, but he also thought the man looked and sounded quite desperate at this point.

“I doubt the insurance will completely cover all of the expenses," George continued, "so it means my wife and I will have to pay at least part of the bills. Knowing this, we can’t afford to risk losing our jobs or remain here without any money coming in. If I were to lose my job, then we’d lose our medical insurance, which would put us in even worse shape. I also suspect we’re going to need both of our salaries to pay for the additional expenses that aren’t covered, or only partially covered, by our insurance plan."

Mr. Washburn stopped speaking again and hung his head. Mike could tell he was upset, and possibly even a little ashamed that he couldn't do more for his son, but that wasn't the worst part. It was also very difficult for him to admit that it was the monetary concerns that helped to form the basis for his decision.

“Rita and I have talked it over and we’ve decided to return home. We are both supposed to return to work on Monday, if we want to keep our jobs,” he announced, as his head drooped even lower and he shook it slowly from side to side. After a brief delay, he straightened up again, looked at Mike and continued speaking. “Since Rita and I each have three weeks of vacation coming to us, we’re going to put in for one week during the second full week of each month for the next three months. We’ll use it so we can return here to spend a little more time with Adam and see how he’s doing. If Adam isn’t better by our third trip, though, then we’ll have to sit down and reevaluate our options.”

“Look, I understand,” Mike stated in his most sympathetic voice, since he didn't want to make the situation any more difficult for them than it already was. “I know this isn’t easy for you and you would rather stay here with Adam, but I can understand why you have to return to work too. It certainly wouldn’t do much good for you to remain here and then end up leaving Adam without any medical coverage. If that were to happen, it would definitely jeopardize both the extent and quality of the treatment he is receiving. It would also reduce his chances for a complete recovery. We all want him to have the very best care and that’s not going to come cheap, so it's important for you to do what you must in order to make it possible. I’ll stay here with Adam and do whatever I can for him in the meantime, while you take care of the other issues.”

Mr. Washburn looked up and Mike could read the gratitude in his eyes. He could also sense Mr. Washburn's relief, as expressed by his body language. Their eyes locked together for a few moments and then Mr. Washburn eventually broke the silence.

“Mike, I’m going to give you some money before I leave, to help cover your expenses while you’re doing this,” he offered, as he reached for his wallet. “I’ll give you some more each time we return, because I don’t want you to have to worry about your situation either.”

“I appreciate the offer, but it’s not necessary,” Mike insisted, while refusing to take the bills. “Save your money and use it to take care of Adam. My parents will help me out if I need it.”

“I’m sure they will, dear,” Mrs. Washburn quickly added as she turned toward the two of them, “but George and I really want to do this for you. You’ll be spending most of your time with Adam and words alone aren't sufficient to express our appreciation, so please let us help you out financially in return. It will actually make us feel better if we know you’re here with him and won’t have to leave him alone so you can go to work to support yourself.”

Mike didn’t want to argue the point further, because this seemed to be very important to them. Hesitantly, he reached out and accepted the money Mr. Washburn offered.

"Ok, I'll take this, but only if the two of you will promise to stay at the apartment with me during your future visits," he insisted. "That will save you the cost of a hotel room and make up for the money you're giving me."

George and Rita smiled and agreed to his terms. They both walked over to Mike and gave him a hug, to let him know how much they appreciate his offer. Then they walked over to the bed to kiss Adam before they left, while Mike assured them he would take good care of their son.

Although Mike showed up and sat with Adam every day, he didn’t notice any signs that Adam’s condition was improving. He would read to Adam during these times, although it was mostly for his own benefit and a way to keep from being bored. He would also rub lotion into Adam’s skin and whisper encouragement about getting better into his ear. No matter how hard he tried or how much he prayed, Adam’s situation didn’t appear to improve in the slightest.

Even though he had promised to call once a week and report on Adam's condition, Mike quickly discovered he didn't need to do that. Mrs. Washburn called him nearly every single day, so he just told her what she needed to know at that time. It was pretty much the same thing on every occasion though, because there hadn't been even the slightest change in Adam's condition.

Mike was surprised when Adam's parents showed up again, because he hadn't realized so much time had passed. Since every day was basically the same as the one before, he'd lost all track of time. Mike spent each day following the same basic routine, which varied only slightly as he talked, read or tended to Adam, but so far without any success. No matter how much he prayed or what he did, there still hadn't been any noticeable change in Adam's condition, so the last thing he was concerned about was what day of the week it was.

After greeting one another warmly, the three of them sat down and began discussing the situation in great detail. When Dr. Corrigan came in a short time later, he advised them that Adam's bones were mending nicely and explained that the internal damage he'd suffered was almost completely healed. He also informed them that Adam was basically where he needed to be medically, except for the fact that he was still in a coma. Dr. Corrigan was also unable to offer any explanation as to why Adam still hadn’t regained consciousness or even offer an indication about when such improvement might occur.

When the nurses saw that Adam's parents had arrived, they expected Mike would take some time off from his daily routine, but that didn't happen. Instead, the three of them showed up together every day and fawned over Adam, while silently praying for a miracle. Seeing them on a daily basis, the nurses could tell they were all more than a little frustrated with the situation, but there was nothing any of them could do to make the other three feel better.

At the end of the week, the Washburns reluctantly got ready to return home again, since they had to work the following day. George gave Mike some more money before he left and reminded him to call them if there was any change in Adam's status. Mike promised he would and they said goodbye one final time, before the Washburns left for the airport.

“Adam, you have to fight this,” Mike urged his boyfriend once they were alone again. “Your parents love you and I love you too. You’ve got to do whatever it takes to come back to us and the sooner you're able to do it, the better off we all will be.”

As he was saying this, Mike continued to stroke Adam’s arm and hold his hand. He would also bend down every once in a while and kiss him tenderly on the forehead, but Mike stopped doing this once he noticed the tears were dripping from his cheek and landing in Adam's hair and on his forehead. Mike didn't want to give Adam any reason to think he was giving up on him or that the situation was hopeless, but he suspected if Adam felt the tears it just might have that effect. Therefore, he straightened up so the moisture fell harmlessly on his shirt or landed on the floor instead, as he continued to touch and speak to his lover.

“Adam, I need you to get better, because I’m not sure if I can make it without you,” Mike continued, in a quivering voice. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I want us to get married. Remember, we promised each other that we're going to grow old together, so you have to fight this as hard as you can.”

This wasn't the only emotional scene that played out in private over the next few weeks, because it was repeated over and over again. Mike was desperate to see some change in his condition, even the smallest improvement would be welcome. He just needed to see that Adam was getting better, but no matter how much he wished for a sign that Adam was coming around, nothing ever happened. Unfazed, Mike continued to do his best to let Adam know he was there for him. He spent hours reading to Adam every day and they'd already finished several books. He hoped that by continually talking to Adam it would spark something in his brain and eventually yank him back to the present.

Unfortunately, nothing had changed by the time Adam’s parents returned for their next visit, except the summer temperatures had risen significantly. Fortunately, the hospital was air conditioned, but it did little to ease their concerns and they were still deeply troubled that Adam's situation remained unchanged. They tried their best not to get discouraged or lose hope, but it wasn’t easy to keep the faith when there was so little outward progress. On the second day of their current visit, the three of them were sitting in Adam’s room, discussing Mike’s future.

“Mike, we really appreciate everything you've done for Adam so far and that you’re willing to be here for him,” George stated, “but we don't want to take advantage of you. We realize you’re supposed to be starting law school in a few weeks and we really don't want you to jeopardize your future just to help us.”

“No, I’m not going Georgetown yet!” Mike shot back. “I won’t leave him, because he's more important to me than getting another degree. You don't have to worry though, because I’ve already contacted the university and explained the situation to them. I did it so I could ask if they’d let me delay enrolling. After several phone calls, I finally got the admission’s director to work with me on this. He’s agreed to let me wait until the spring or even next fall, whichever is better under the circumstances.”

After Mike finished his comment, the three of them agreed that they thought they'd heard a noise. They weren't sure what it was, but they agreed that it sounded as if someone had groaned. Since Adam hadn’t made any sounds the entire time he'd been in the hospital, they didn't think it was him, but they turned toward his bed anyway, just to see if possibly the sound had actually come from him.

As soon as they focused on Adam lying under the sheet, they got their first surprise. Unbelievably, Adam’s eyes were open and it appeared as if he was looking around the room. This was the first time since he’d been admitted that they had seen any sign of him being alert, so the Washburns and Mike jumped up and rapidly moved toward the bed.

“Adam, honey, are you feeling better?” his mother asked, as a smile gradually spread across her face.

Adam wasn’t able to respond because of the respirator tube in his throat, but he continued to glance around the room. It was apparent he was trying to figure out where he was.

“Honey, you’re in the hospital,” his mother advised him, in an attempt to answer his unasked question.

Her statement caused Adam to turn his head slightly in her direction, as he gave her a questioning stare. It seemed to indicate that he wanted to know what he was doing there.

“Take it easy, honey,” his mother told him, in an attempt to keep him calm. “We’re all here and you’re going to be fine. You just suffered a few injuries, but everything is going to get better now.”

While she was speaking to Adam, Mike raced out of the room and headed for the nurses’ station.

“Adam’s conscious,” he gasped with great force, as the startled nurses glanced up at him.

After hearing this, one of the nurses returned to the room with Mike, while another paged Dr. Corrigan. She wanted to notify him about the change in Adam’s condition as well.

When Mike and the nurse entered the room, Adam’s eyes were still busy checking out the place, as he tried to piece together the various details he'd been given. Once Dr. Corrigan arrived, he removed the respirator tube from Adam’s throat and Adam immediately attempted to speak.

“Water,” Adam wheezed in a hoarse and barely audible voice. This let the others know his mouth and throat were extremely dry.

"Don't try to speak just yet," Dr. Corrigan advised him. "Your throat is going to be very sore, because that tube has been there for a while now, so you'll need to take it easy for a little longer."

While the doctor was telling him this, the nurse scampered out of the room and quickly returned with a cup of ice chips, which she held against Adam’s lips. She warned him to only take a few ice chips in his mouth at one time and then let them melt, which he did. After doing this a few more times, he turned to his parents and attempted to speak again.

“What happened? Why am I here?” he whispered, his voice still hoarse and raspy.

"Please try to remain quiet, otherwise you may inadvertently do more damage to yourself," Dr. Corrigan warned, but Adam gave him a dirty look in response. He wanted answers and didn't care what he had to do to get them.

“It seems you were beaten up pretty badly,” his father advised him, without giving him a lot of details. “Do you remember any of it?”

Adam merely shook his head in reply, although just barely moving it as he did so. It appeared as if his father was about to pursue this subject further, but the doctor spoke first.

"I'll need you all to step out of the room for a little while so I can examine Adam," he announced, as he shooed them out the door.

Reluctantly, they gave in and moved to the waiting room. It was sheer torture to have to leave Adam again, especially now that he was no longer comatose, but they did as the doctor instructed. They were all looking and feeling better than they had in a very long time, as they sat anxiously on the vinyl cushioned chairs and waited for the cue that they could return to Adam's room. The three of them stared at one another, since they weren't entirely sure what to say, but this time they had relieved and hopeful expressions on their faces.

Once they got over their initial shock, they began to ask each other questions. The most frequent one, which was repeated over and over again, was when they'd be allowed to go back to Adam's room, so they could be with him.

"I hope everything is all right now and there's nothing seriously wrong with him," Rita stated as she clutched her purse to her breast and looked to her husband for assurance.

"For the first time in ages, I'm convinced Adam is going to be fine," George replied, while hoping his response would calm his wife's uneasiness. "Dr. Corrigan has been very thorough so far and seems genuinely concerned, so I'm convinced he'll be giving us good news shortly."

When the doctor came out a few minutes later, he let them know he had completed his examination. Before he had a chance to fill them in, George spoke first and asked a question.

“How is he, Doc?” he wanted to know, as his mouth hung slightly agape with anticipation while awaiting the answer.

“Your son is doing as well as can be expected, but he appears to be suffering from a mild case of retrograde amnesia,” the doctor replied. “It means he currently seems to have no recollection of the day this happened to him or any of what took place. We don’t know if the condition is temporary or permanent, so there's no way to tell how much he might eventually be able to remember, if anything at all.”

"But he'll be all right, won't he?" Mrs. Washburn demanded, and the look of concern on her face spoke volumes.

"Other than the loss of memory and a few other minor problems, he seems to be doing just fine," Dr. Corrigan replied, while giving her a reassuring smile.

“Does that mean he's ok to travel, because we’d really like to take him home now,” Rita followed, this time looking more hopeful than concerned.

“I’d like to keep him here until the end of the week, so I can evaluate his progress,” Dr. Corrigan stated. “If he is still doing well by Friday, I will release him then.”

Mike and the Washburns were suddenly overjoyed and raced back to Adam’s room to be with him. After answering a number of Adam’s questions about what had happened and how long he’d been there, the four of them began making plans to take him home. They were still discussing this when Adam suddenly changed the subject.

“Did I take all of my exams before this happened? Did I graduate and get my degree?” he blurted out.

“Yes, you did,” Mike assured him. “I talked to your professors and they assured me everything was just fine. Your grades are probably waiting for you at home, along with your embossed degree. They merely handed out the jackets at the graduation ceremony and then announced they would mail the official documents to us later.”

“So I have my B.S. now?” Adam asked to verify that he understood the situation correctly.

“You’re not only full of BS, but you now have a degree to prove it,” his father teased, which caused Adam to give his dad a disgusted look. After a few more seconds, Adam’s face broke into a smile and they all began to joke around for a while, before Adam asked something else.

“What about med school?” he suddenly demanded, as an anxious expression appeared on his face.

“I’ve contacted Johns Hopkins and explained the situation to them,” his father answered. “They’ve agreed to let you enter when you’re up to it, either in the spring or the following fall.”

Adam flashed a weak smile to indicate he was glad he hadn't lost the opportunity entirely, but the others could also tell he was still mildly disappointed that he wouldn't be starting immediately. Even though he hadn't lost out completely, it would still be a while before he could finally get started.

Once that had been settled, they continued to chat with him until a meal was unexpectedly delivered. Since he hadn’t actually eaten in quite a while, Adam was famished and looked forward to putting something into his stomach again. However, when he lifted the lid on the tray, he wasn't exactly thrilled with what he saw. There was a fairly large bowl of broth, a good-size container of Jell-O and a carton of juice. It was apparent the hospital, or possibly even the doctor, didn’t think he was ready for solid food just yet.

"You've got to be kidding me," Adam complained, as he looked at the tray. "Do they really consider this a meal? I need more than this! I haven't eaten in ages and could probably devour a horse."

After griping about what he’d been given for a minute, he started to wolf it down. Mrs. Washburn warned him several times to take it slower, because he was shoveling it down as fast as he could. Adam didn’t seem to hear her though, but he was obviously having a good time filling the void in his midsection.

When Adam unexpectedly dropped his spoon, the rest of them gave each other a very dubious look. They were obviously concerned, but didn't want to alarm Adam, especially after the look he gave them.

"It's probably just due to the cast," his father offered, in an effort to reassure him.

"It may have also happened because you keep trying to do everything in such a big hurry," his mother added with a scowl, although she was inwardly pleased he was himself again.

Even though they had just told him these things, Mike and Adam’s parents suspected something more sinister might be at work. They feared this might be an early sign of nerve damage or the loss of fine motor control that Dr. Corrigan had mentioned previously.

Adam, however, continued to shovel the food into his mouth and acted as if he were afraid someone might come along and take it from him. Once he finished, he looked up at the others and spoke.

“It felt good to eat again and my stomach feels a little better now, but there wasn’t very much there, at least nothing of substance. It wasn’t very tasty either, so I guess it just goes to prove what they say about hospital food,” he explained, with a smirk. This let everyone know he was glad they had given him something to eat, although he wished it had been better.

The four of them spent the remainder of the evening together watching TV and chatting, until visiting hours ended. At that point, they were forced to leave, but they promised Adam they would return in the morning. Then, Mrs. Washburn and Mike each kissed him goodnight and told him to get some rest.

“I think I’ve had enough rest,” Adam quipped, “especially if I’ve been in this bed for as long as you’ve said.”

They waved off his protest and headed for the door, but they clearly understood how he felt.

When the three of them returned the following morning, Adam was eating breakfast. He had been given scrambled eggs, a bowl of oatmeal and two slices of toast. It appeared he was being tested to see how he would handle eating something more substantial. They all hoped he would be able to keep everything down, because that would mean he might be able to go home sooner.

Once Adam finished his meal, the others began to question him again. This time they wanted to see if he remembered any of the details about what had happened on the day he’d been beaten so badly.

“What’s the last thing you remember before waking up here?” his father asked.

Adam closed his eyes and scrunched up his face, as he tried to think back. After a few seconds, he finally spoke.

“I remember going to the theater to see ‘The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies’ with Mike,” he answered.

“Adam, we did that in January, right after we got back from Christmas break,” Mike told him. “You mean you don’t remember anything after that?”

Adam appeared to be thinking about it again, but then he shook his head. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t remember anything between the time they’d seen the movie and waking up in the hospital.

The four of them continued to chat until Adam’s lunch arrived. Then, the others waited to see what he had to eat first, before they went down to the cafeteria to get something for themselves. This time he’d been given a grilled cheese sandwich, French fries, peas and a slice of cake. It looked as if the doctor was gradually allowing him more substantial foods to eat, which was a good sign.

When his parents and Mike returned to the room a little while later, Adam immediately told them he remembered something more.

“While you were gone, something else came to me,” he beamed, looking pleased with himself. “I remembered that Mike and I were dressed in suits and at a dance. The entire place was covered in pink, red and silver streamers. Was that a pre-graduation event?”

“No, Adam, that was the Valentine’s Day dance we went to at the Lambda house,” Mike told him. This caused Adam’s demeanor to suddenly change again. He thought he had remembered something important, but it was merely another older memory.

“That's good though and you’re doing better!” his mother enthusiastically announced, while trying to make her son feel better. “That’s a months worth of progress in just over a couple of hours.”

Her comment seemed to improve Adam's disposition slightly, but he was still disappointed that he couldn't recall the events that put him in the hospital.

“In time it will all come back to you," she added, in an effort to decrease some of the pressure Adam was putting himself under. "Now, is there anything in particular you are going to want when we get you home? I can make a list of things, if you'd like.”

“Let me think about it for a while, because I’m not sure,” he answered. “I’ll let you know if I come up with anything.”

She told him that would be fine, so she turned to talk to Mike about where he would be staying when they got to their place. She and her husband had agreed it would be best if Mike stayed in the guest room at first. They didn’t think he should be sharing a bed with their son right away, at least until Adam had recovered completely, but it didn’t have anything to do about them having sex. Adam's parents were just afraid the two of them might bump heads during the night or Mike might somehow jostle or accidentally injure Adam while they were sleeping. That would set Adam’s recovery back and they didn’t want to risk anything like that happening. Mike understood their concerns and agreed with their logic, as long as he could spend most of the day with Adam.

When Adam’s dinner arrived later, it was another step up from lunch. This time he had meatloaf, a baked potato, a small tossed salad and two cookies. His parents felt this meant he was just about back to normal, at least when it came to eating.

As soon as Adam’s meal arrived, the other three excused themselves and went back to the hospital cafeteria to get their own dinner. When they returned, they spent the rest of the evening with Adam. Things were slowly getting back to normal as they watched TV, talked about recent events and discussed the boys’ plans for the future. When visiting hours ended, Mike and the Washburns left, but only after Adam’s mother and Mike had each given him a kiss goodnight.