With Trust - 11. Confrontation

Standing nearly two feet taller than my brother, his roommate, Greg Hugh, still looked good. It’s long since past the days that Greg could unnerve me with one little look, but with his short dark hair, narrow blue eyes, a charming smile and his tall, toned body, he was most definitely still worth looking at. I was actually a little disappointed to see him go as I waved him out of the two-bedroom apartment that he shared with my brother. Apparently, he was meeting his parents for lunch and didn’t want to be late.

It was Sunday again, and after an excruciatingly slow church service, I’d found myself driving my brother home because Leanna was going to spend a little extra time with Grannie Tenny at the retirement home. My brother had gone to change. He never felt comfortable in ironed clothes. I would have left then, but Greg had been there, getting ready to go leave and I’d spent five minutes helping him pick out a shirt to wear. Although, I’m not sure how much help I was. I wasn’t paying attention to the shirts as much I was paying attention to Greg when he took them off.

I looked up as Chad came from the hall leading to both of the two bedrooms in the apartment. He looked much more like himself in faded jeans and a black band sweater. He’d pulled his hair out of his ponytail and the pink strands looked knotted in the back where the band had been.

“Aren’t you going home?” he finally asked as he plopped down on the white sofa furnishing the small space of the living room, along with the entertainment center and a large, beat-up gray arm chair. Chad lifted the remote, and eyed a football game on the television before he started flipping through channels.

I thought about my brother’s question for a long moment before I slid over the arm of the sofa and got comfortable next to him. “No.”

Chad glanced at me. “No plans today?”

“Not really,” I replied, staring at the television. It looked like every channel he flipped to was playing commercials.

“Your friends busy or something?”

I turned my head to look at him, and smirked. “Am I buggin’ you?”

“You will be when Leanna gets here,” Chad responded meaningfully, but then smiled, elbowing me. “You’re cool right now. I’m just wondering why you’re still here, that’s all.”

“I don’t know what’s going on with Haily and Joe, but Caleb’s baby-sitting his niece,” I explained. “I’m not really in the mood to go do anything, anyway.”

“What about Milo?” Chad responded. “He’s busy, too?”

“He’s with Assface,” I said, annoyed by that. Not because I didn’t think Milo should hang out with Jame. They were friends, and that was his choice. I guess I just hated it that I couldn’t see Milo when Jame was around. When I told Chad this, he wanted to know why I let Jame stop me. It was hard to explain to my brother, who would have serious issues if anyone ever made it difficult for him to see Leanna, that Jame was simply so hostile towards me that I preferred to avoid him. I wasn’t running from him. He didn’t intimidate me, but I could hardly enjoy any time with Milo if he was around, not to mention I was pretty sure that when Jame and I were near each other, Milo felt uncomfortable about it. Part of me wanted to say that that was Milo’s problem, and he needed to figure out how to stand up to his friends.

But, I felt guilty for even thinking that since, in all other areas, he was trying. The Halloween party even had my friends warming towards him. At least, Haily was under the impression that Milo wasn’t so bad, since she’d been clinging to me as I followed him around Wednesday night. Caleb thought Jerry was a pretty cool guy. He didn’t seem to have an opinion about Milo, which was perfect, since with the majority of the male population, Caleb either hated them, or had no opinion. Of course, Milo still had a strike against him, being a friend to Jame Graham. I had no idea what Joe was thinking. He’d acted like he was having a good time on Wednesday night, but Thursday at school he couldn’t stop talking about how stupid it was--and worse about the people who had been there.

But, Milo had made an effort. I guess I was still trying to figure out how to make one when it came to Jame Graham, when I really, really hated him. As it was, I’d decided that it took way too much energy to even think about him and stopped talking about him. Chad was more interested in how Milo and I were getting along, anyway, and as we talked, I found myself about complaining about Emily Hill showing up at our house. Chad thought she’d seemed nice, too, and was a little surprised that Milo couldn’t stand her. I explained that Milo’s relationship with his dad wasn’t exactly a good one, and how Milo was terrified of what would happen if his father ever found out he was gay.

“Milo thinks his dad would flip if he knew.”

“Not everyone has our parents, Nels,” Chad pointed out, yawning. “I mean, look at Leanna’s mom, she’s always looking for reasons to tell Lee what’s wrong with her. Why do you think she spends so much time with us?”

“I know. But... Milo’s different, you know? He can’t really confide in a lot of people...or, he won’t. I don’t know,” I said, scratching my head. “I guess it just bothers me. He’s alone most of the time--always worried about what someone else is going to think of him.”

“He can talk to you, though, right?” Chad pointed out, and I gave my brother a wan smile.

“Yeah, but that’s different. It’s not like either of us has met anyone who’s gay before. I can talk to him about things like that, and I mean... he can talk to me, but it’s not the same, you know? It’s like, he knows I accept him because we’re not that different. But, there’s no one else...”

“So, bring him home more often,” Chad suggested. “It’s not like none of us don’t know what’s going on with you two.”

“I know... and I’ve kinda been thinking about that,” I admitted. “I mean, I think Milo knows that Mom and Dad...and you know what’s up, but I don’t wanna bring it up with him if it’s gonna freak him out.”

“So... don’t bring it up, then,” Chad replied. “Just bring him by, Nels. Let him get comfortable. He’ll figure out that it’s not a big deal to us.”

“Maybe,” I replied thoughtfully, realizing that it couldn’t hurt to get Milo around people who would accept everything about him.

We were suddenly interrupted when my brother’s front door swung open, and Leanna walked in as if she lived there, dropping her purse on the floor and hanging her coat next to mine. She looked flushed, and her glasses were so foggy from the cold that she just took them off and slid them into her sweater pocket.

“Hi, Nelson,” she said when she spotted me on the sofa with Chad, who as always, looked happy to see her. “I thought you were going home.”

“I am,” I told her, but made no move to get up as I watched Leanna walk around me to lean down and kiss Chad. My brother grabbed her when she did so, pulling her down into his lap to prolong it, and I watched as they made out like I wasn’t even there. I supposed that they wanted me to leave, but really, they weren’t bothering me any, so I kept watching, clocking my head and wishing that I could see Milo.

“Hey, Leanna?” I said, as if she wasn’t busy with my brother at all. “Can we talk?”

Chad’s the one who pulled back from his girlfriend to narrow his eyes on me. “Weren’t you leaving?” he asked pointedly. He’d been complaining about not seeing Leanna as much as he wanted to lately, with his heavy schedule and all that charity he liked to dish out, so I wasn’t really surprised that I was pestering him now. But, I opted to ignore it when Leanna swatted his shoulder and looked at me.

“Sure,” she replied. “What did you need to talk about?”

“Blow jobs.”

Chad seemed to choke on something, and raised his brow at me from behind his startled girlfriend.

“Blow jobs?” he repeated.

“Yes,” I said seriously, and then looked at Leanna, deciding that she’d be more help with my question than my brother. “I was wondering how to do it. I mean, I know how, but it was harder than I thought... Or, I guess I should say more difficult....”

“Okay!” Chad said loudly, pushing Leanna off of him so he could escape. “This is one of those things I don’t need to hear.”

“That’s why I’m not asking you,” I pointed out.

“No,” Chad replied, as Leanna tried really hard not to laugh. “You’re my brother asking my girlfriend how to...” he paused for a moment, suddenly looking both thoughtful and disturbed as he looked between us. “Actually... you’re probably asking the right person,” he remarked, and Leanna glared at him, blushing as she straightened her short hair. “Okay. You’ve got five minutes,” Chad stated, pointing at me. “Then you’re out of here. I’ll be... somewhere else.”

I waited patiently as Leanna laughed at Chad as he retreated down the hall, shaking his head, and when she finally turned back to me I regarded her curiously.

“So, is there some kind of trick to it?” I asked, and when she opened her mouth but couldn’t seem to get any words out I added, “Don’t worry. I won’t ask you to draw any diagrams or anything.”

..................................................

It was thirteen minutes before school ended on Tuesday. Usually during this time, Mrs. Bates would have us reading, or she’d be going over what we’d covered during the day, not telling us to put away our books and pay attention. I glanced over at Milo, who was holding his head in his hand as he turned his attention to the front of the room. He looked tired. In fact, he’d looked tired every time I saw him today. The day before had been the same, but today was worse because I couldn’t even get him to smile. At least not really smile. He’d force little ones in my direction every time he thought I said something that was supposed to be funny.

Like Milo, I turned my attention to Mrs. Bates, who was counting heads. She only did that when she wanted us to split up into partners, and since she always told us to choose someone from our own table, I already knew who mine was. She confirmed my suspicions a moment later when she spoke. Only today, something was different as she explained that in two weeks the semester was going to end along with all first semester classes, including hers, and that we’d be taking the first half of our final exam this week. She had one of the guys closer to the front of the room lift two cardboard boxes that had been sitting next to her desk so she could unload the contents. The room was met with mixed reactions when she began to unload dolls of both genders and several nationalities from those boxes, all a little bigger than Caleb’s newborn niece.

“Aren’t we supposed to be taking home eggs or something?” I remarked before I could stop myself, and Mrs. Bates raised her eyebrows at me.

“This was in the budget this year, and much better,” she informed me as she lifted one of the dolls and rocked it in her arms like it was a real infant. I frowned as she approached me with the thing, and the room was met with snickers as she passed it down, ordering me to support its head. “Congratulations, Mr. Larmont, it’s a girl.”

I glared at Milo, who’d found a reason to laugh for the first time that day, and as Mrs. Bates returned to her desk to lift more dolls, I set the toy on the table and jumped when a horribly loud wailing sound started coming from it, causing my teacher to turn back around.

“You never leave an infant on a table, Mr. Larmont. Pick her up. You’ll find a key sticking out of her back, you’ll have to turn it until she stops crying,” Mrs. Bates told me, and as I did as she said just to get the thing to stop, she walked around the room, passing out dolls to half of the students in class. Haily looked interested in the one she got, while Milo looked pleased that he didn’t have one. I just complained that my wrist hurt from holding the key, which really wasn’t that easy to turn. That’s when Mrs. Bates told me I should get used to it, because I’d have to turn the key every time it cried, and not only that, but I’d have to feed it and change it, too. I wasn’t sure how that was possible, exactly, but she continued by passing a stack of diapers and a special bottle to everyone who had a baby. When I was finally able to release the key without my doll crying, several others started up, including Haily’s, and they all got the same instructions as I did before Mrs. Bates explained that we had to log every time the baby cried and why it was crying; then she told us that if anyone felt like cheating it would be a bad idea since she’d know if there was neglect or abuse involved. “No dropping your baby,” she finished.

Mrs. Bates demonstrated several ways to take care of the dolls, and then five minutes before class ended she instructed everyone who already had a doll to choose a partner, and for once, it was anyone in the class. Guys were pairing up with girls, but since Haily already had a doll, that left one obvious choice for me. I looked at Milo, smirking. He didn’t look like he was going to enjoy this assignment very much.

“Hey, daddy,” I remarked, holding out the doll, which was dressed in a lot of pink.

Milo shook his head.

“No,” he stated, and when I saw him eyeing a few girls looking for partners around the room, I frowned at him. I could understand his desire to fit in, but no one was going to pick on him for having a male partner because first, there were other guys or girls pairing up with the same sex because it was more convenient, given the location of where they lived, and second, I wouldn’t let anyone pick on him. But, I didn’t have to convince him of this because a moment later the situation sorted itself out when Milo and I were the only ones in class left without a partner.

“Guess you’re stuck with me,” I remarked, and held up our doll to find its lifelike blue eyes looking back at me. “It’ll be interesting trying to explain to my dad why I’m taking this to work with me tonight,” I mused, remembering that my dad had asked me to help out in one of the bakeries.

To my surprise, Milo shoved the bottle and diapers into his backpack and then took the doll from me, tucking it under his arm as the bell rang.

“I’ll take it tonight,” he said. “We can switch tomorrow before lunch.”

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“If you ignore it while you’re working it drops both of our grades,” he said reasonably.

“If you say so, daddy.”

He glared at me. “Don’t call me that.”

“Okay,” I agreed, cracking a smile. “But can I call tonight? You know, to see how little Sabrina’s doing?”

“Sabrina?” he repeated, his eyebrow lifting.

I made a point to look as hurt as I possibly could. “Our baby!”

“You’re an ass,” Milo remarked, but he was trying not to laugh. “And if you even mention this doll when you call, I’m hanging up on you.”

I bit at my smile as he left the table with our assignment, glancing back at me in the process and graced me with just enough of a smile that said he didn’t mind being my partner at all.

Who cared about the damn baby.

.............................................................

Wednesday morning, snow blanketed the lawn surrounding the school, steaming off the warming asphalt in the parking lots and surrounding streets in a way that made everything seem pleasantly messy. I headed towards the entrance of the main building with Caleb. Joe wasn’t far behind us, arguing with Kelly about whether or not he was seen flirting with Jennifer Powell yesterday after school; and Haily had gone to track down the blond freshman from our parenting class, Tim, because he’d ended up as her partner. They’d made an arrangement that Haily would take their assignment home every night if he took care of it during school hours; and given her mood this morning, I guessed that she was ready for him to take his turn.

“So?” Caleb asked as we headed up the stairs.

“You actually want me to comment on that?” I remarked. He’d had another dream. This time a fish grilled him up and ate him for dinner, and it didn’t make any sense to Caleb because he’d had pork last night.

“Not really,” he decided. “So do you wanna do something tonight? I’ve been kinda bored.”

“Sure. Like what?”

“Swimming?” he suggested. I paused just outside the doors to spend an extra moment looking around at the snow and to feel the cool temperature over my skin before he rolled his eyes and shoved me forward. “The hotel has that indoor pool,” he explained.

“Okay. I guess. I’ll have that baby from parenting, though. It’s my turn.”

“Whatever. Bring it. It’s not like it’ll bother anything.”

“If you say so,” I agreed. I didn’t bother asking how Caleb planned to get us into the hotel pool, which wasn’t generally open to the public. He wouldn’t have brought it up if he didn’t already have it worked out.

“How did you end up with Milo as a partner, anyway?” Caleb asked.

“He’s my friend, and I asked him,” I replied, unapologetic. I glanced at Caleb as we entered the school, raising an eyebrow as he looked straight ahead while we navigated our way through the crowds. He was flicking at the cleft in his chin, looking bothered about something. “You’re not still on the Milo thing are you?” I asked, regarding him somewhat grudgingly.

“Huh?” He glanced my way, shaking his head. “Nah. Whatever. Hey, meet up with you at lunch? I wanna see if I can find Ronnie before class starts.”

When he started to walk away without waiting for a response I reached out, grazing his arm. He stopped and looked back at me, his chestnut eyes looking expectant.

“Have you talked to her?” I asked.

Caleb shrugged. “Some, yesterday. We’re cool. Friends, you know?”

I offered my best friend, who looked somewhat uncertain about that, a small smile. “Yeah, okay. I’ll see you at lunch.”

I watched as Caleb disappeared through the crowds, making a mental note to ask him later what was on his mind. It was no good asking when he was still thinking about the things that bothered him. He’d either get angry, or blow it off. I looked back and waited for Joe as his tall, dark frame moved through the sea of students to catch up to me. It seemed that he’d ended his argument with Kelly by walking away from her.

“Bitch,” he muttered as he reached me, and I sighed. I guess that was one relationship that was over.

“So you wanna go swimming tonight?” I asked. “Caleb’s talking about the pool at the hotel.”

“Sure,” Joe replied, stepping into pace beside me, and then proceeded to complain about all of the time he’d wasted with Kelly until the first bell rang, and we parted to go to class.

The day felt like it was moving along a lot slower than normal. It wasn’t often that I couldn’t wait to go home from school because I was bored senseless. But, it could have been that way because people were quieter than usual. With finals next week everyone was buried in their books, in and out of class, it seemed. I wasn’t like that. I studied if it was part of an assignment, or if I really needed to in order to learn something. I changed nothing for finals. I figured that if I was passing my classes, I’d pass the test coming up, too. At least, I always had before. But few others seemed to think that way, including Milo, who was reading through a history book and taking notes when I caught him at his locker. He had our assignment with him, at his feet.

Our class wasn’t the only one walking around with plastic dolls that peed this week, and when I’d seen a few girls walking around with theirs in carriers earlier, I’d thought it was stupid. When Milo did it, it was just cute. Even cuter when he said that the carrier used to be his. He even had a little blanket, blue with a green-frog pattern over the doll, although, he said that that was Juanita’s doing.

I asked him if he wanted me to take it early, but he insisted that he was fine until lunch, and thought that that should be our routine. I had no objection as I went to class, just as the doll started crying, and the next time I went to look for Milo to relieve him of duty was right after I told my friends that I’d meet them at Hollander’s for lunch.

Caleb had asked if I wanted them to wait, but since Joe was hungry after skipping breakfast, I had no problem going on my own. I reached Milo’s locker a little early, and leaned against it as I waited for him there. I’d only been there for two seconds before I started getting bored. It really was one of those days. But the problem was solved a few moments later when an unexpected body, tall and trim, fell against the locker next to me.

“Hey, Nelson.”

Brandon Sholer’s blue eyes looked tired today, and his blond hair was a perfect mess on his head, but he still worked up enough energy to flash at least one of his dimples at me. My guess was that he was swept up into all this studying business, too.

“Long week?” I remarked.

“I’m just ready for break to be here,” he replied, sighing.

“Only a week and a half away,” I pointed out. “Do you have plans?”

“I have family coming in for Thanksgiving,” he explained. “You?”

“All my family’s pretty much in Heywell.”

“No, I mean, do you have plans?” he asked, cracking a small smile.

“Oh... well, I’m gonna eat a lot,” I provided, and he released a small chuckle as he straightened and pulled his red backpack tighter over the shoulders of his team jacket.

“Okay. Well, if you run into any good parties or anything, look me up. I’ll probably end up getting bored.”

“Sure... see ya, Brandon.”

He gave a small wave and I watched him walk away, my eyes drifting to his ass. It was always fun to watch Brandon walk away.

“Get the fuck outta the way, asshole.”

I frowned. That voice was not one that was going to make my day better. Jame Graham wasn’t his usual irritating smiling self today. But he was his irritating aggravated self as he made a lame attempt to stare me down. I crossed my arms, and leaned more heavily against the purple locker behind me as I did my best to look uninterested while facing him. It seemed the cold didn’t agree with Jame at all, and his large, round cheeks were red and windburned. I might have made a diaper rash comment, but decided that it wouldn’t be right if I was really trying to tolerate him.

“I’m just waiting for Milo so I can get our assignment,” I replied. Maybe if I talked to him like a human being, he’d start to act like one. No harm in wishful thinking, I guess.

“Wait somewhere else. You’re in my way.”

“How am I in your way? This is Milo’s locker.”

“Well I left something in it. Move.”

With that tone, I almost didn’t. Almost. I moved aside, but not far. Just enough to get out of his face, and then as he proceeded to open Milo’s locker, he made sure to purposely and obviously block the combination from my view, much to my chagrin. It wasn’t that I wanted to know it that bothered me, more like Jame’s attitude. I tried to ignore it, looking down the hall as I continued to wait for Milo, but when Jame suddenly slammed the locker door, I turned my eyes towards his again.

“Problem?” I asked tightly when I found him glaring at me. It wasn’t in the cute Milo way, either.

“Yeah. You’re still here.”

“I told you, I’m waiting for Milo, and I’m trying to ignore you, so why don’t you return the favor, huh?”

“What do you want with him, anyway?” Jame suddenly demanded. “You know, just because his name’s Trust doesn’t mean he’ll do you any favors. He’s not like that, and he doesn’t need someone like you hanging around.”

I frowned at that, not liking the way that everyone seemed so hung up on Milo’s last name. “You care about his name more than I do. He’s my friend, Jame. I hang around my friends.”

“He told you to get lost.”

“No he didn’t,” I argued. “So why don’t you just back off? I’m not leaving until Milo gets here, and you don’t know anything about me, so stop acting like you do.”

“I know I don’t like you. That’s enough, so why don’t you get out of my face?”

Jame must have been confused, because I wasn’t the one in his face.

“And why don’t you go breathe on someone who doesn’t think your breath smells like someone’s asshole,” I remarked, quickly becoming irritated.

“And why don’t you go to hell?” Jame retorted, taking a step closer that I’m sure he meant to be menacing.

“Will you stop trying to intimidate me?” I asked, believing that it was a reasonable request. “You look like an idiot.”

I’d never been happier to hear the loud sound of a wailing infant as Milo appeared in the hallway, mixed within a large group of students, all headed to their lunch breaks. He handed me the carrier as soon as he reached us, not seeming to notice the tension between Jame and me.

“Your turn,” Milo stated, and then glanced at Assface as he turned to open his locker. “Hey, Jame.” I placed the carrier on the ground and lifted the doll, having unbuttoned the back of the onesie it was wearing to reach the key, which I was dismayed to find, didn’t work. “You’ve gotta feed it,” Milo informed me as he opened his backpack and handed me the special bottle. As soon as I stuck it between the doll’s lips, it stopped, but I found that I had to physically hold it there to keep it that way.

“How long does this take?” I asked Milo, ignoring the way that Jame was regarding me with a certain amount of disgust on his face.

“Only a few minutes,” Milo replied as he took it upon himself to unload the remaining diapers from his backpack and place them in mine. “I think the whole things on a timer, but there’s no way of knowing when it’s gonna go off. Can you keep it ‘til tomorrow? Same time?”

“Yeah, it’s no problem,” I insisted, removing the bottle from the doll’s mouth long enough to discover that it was still crying.

“Can we go now?” Jame asked Milo, looking impatient.

“Just a sec,” Milo said as he unloaded a few books into his locker. I found myself staring up at him, wondering why his hair looked so straight today as it hung around his face, which was drawn into a rather exhausted expression. Like he could feel my eyes on him, he glanced down at me briefly, and felt my lip curling into a helpless smile.

“What are you doing for lunch?” I asked.

“I think we’re just hanging around here,” Milo replied, and glanced to Jame for confirmation. “Aren’t we?”

“Yeah. We are,” Jame responded, sending a scowl my way. I ignored it, suddenly deciding that Chad was right. It might have been easier to just stay away when Jame was involved, but this whole thing with him was getting old fast, and I felt the need to make a point.’

“Want some extra company?” I asked Milo, who in turn looked both shocked, and a little uncomfortable with my question. But, he shrugged, anyway.

“Don’t you have plans or something?” Milo asked.

“Yeah, he does,” Jame stated. I ignored that, too.

“No. I can hang around here.”

Milo seemed to think on it for a moment. “Sure, if you want.”

“What?” Jame demanded.

Milo turned towards Jame and asked the same question, only in a different tone. “What?”

I smiled at that, deciding that if Jame didn’t drop his attitude, he was going to be the one who looked like a jackass in front of Milo, not me. Milo even waited until I had the doll under control before we headed to the cafeteria. Jame had his arms crossed the whole way there, looking more than a little pissed.

I figured that staying at school for lunch wasn’t that big of a deal. My friends had probably already ordered at Hollander’s anyway. They’d probably think that I got held up or distracted, and wouldn’t miss me at all. Besides, it had been days since I’d actually spent any real time with Milo, and I was in the mood for it, even if Jame was there.

It had been a while since I last ate in the school cafeteria. Actually, now that I thought about it, I hadn’t been there all year. I’d forgotten how noisy it could be, and how bad the food actually was. I ended up with fish sticks, juggling my tray and my parenting assignment as I followed Milo and Jame to a table in the center of the room. They reached it first, though. I kept running into people who had taken a break from their studying long enough to say hello. Some of them even followed me to the table, causing both Jame and Milo to look up nervously. They didn’t seem used to having a whole lot of people around, except for the few girls that were already there. But, I was kind of grateful for the crowd. It distracted me from the way that Jame kept glaring at me, and every once in a while, leaned over to whisper something--likely nasty about me--in Milo’s ear as they sat across from me and Peter Forest, who had decided to join us.

It was only twenty minutes into lunch when everyone around the table started to slowly disappear, going off somewhere to enjoy the rest of their break. This left me with both Milo and Jame. They were both silent--Milo out of nature, and Jame out of anger towards my being there. It was mostly an awkward silence, and I found myself attempting to fill it with conversation, which unfortunately, wasn’t as easy as it usually was for me. I tried talking about simple things, like how it sucked everyone was studying so hard. But when I mentioned that I wasn’t making a huge deal out of it, Jame told me that he hoped I failed my final. When I asked Milo if our assignment kept him up late because I knew that Haily had seemed tired after her baby experience, Jame decided to tell me Haily had more boobs than brains. I responded by telling him that he had more ass on his face than cheeks. Milo had frowned at all of this, but I didn’t care. I was becoming frustrated with Jame. Enough was enough, especially when Milo asked how many bakeries my family had and I started to tell him about them, only to have Jame say that he’d seen my dad and couldn’t understand why he was so fat from eating muffins and cookies since he couldn’t bake worth a shit, anyway.

“Shut the fuck up!” I finally snapped, glaring across the table at Jame.

“Nelson, don’t...” Milo started, but I didn’t care. He was lucky that I wasn’t across the table choking his fat-faced friend, whose triumphant, obnoxious smile had returned.

“Why don’t you just give it a rest?” I demanded, looking at Jame. “I haven’t done anything to you, but I swear that’ll change if you open your mouth again.”

“Am I supposed to be afraid of that?” Jame remarked.

“Just knock it off,” Milo ordered, but this time he seemed to be talking to both of us.

“Sure,” Jame told him. “Just as soon as you tell this bitch to get lost.”

Milo looked at me, and I met his eyes, but this time my expression was cold. I wouldn’t be happy if what he’d done at the dance was repeated now. He needed to tell Jame to back off, simple as that. But, he didn’t. He didn’t tell me to get lost, either. Instead, Milo found his own way of dealing with things as he suddenly stood up.

“I’m gonna go find another soda,” he announced. I wasn’t sure what to think when he left Jame and me alone together. I was angry about it, I think. But at the same time, I was sort of glad it happened, because as soon as he was gone I faced Jame directly.

“I’m not going away, so either deal with me or go away,” I stated.

“I don’t have to deal with shit.”

“You know, I’m not doing anything to hurt you--or him. What the hell’s your problem?”

“You and everything about you. Just leave me and my friends alone.”

“Milo’s my friend too,” I said, shrugging. “He has the right to choose his own friends.”

“He doesn’t even like you.”

“Well then why don’t you take that up with him?” I responded. “I don’t wanna start shit with you, Jame, but if you can’t be less of an asshole then it’s gonna happen.”

“Yeah? Well fuck you.”

“Nice,” I remarked, rolling my eyes at him, but before I could get anything else out, I caught sight of a familiar blond not far behind Jame, and as I caught Caleb’s eyes, I froze in place, the expression on his face telling me one thing. He didn’t see me sitting there having an argument with a guy who I couldn’t stand. Caleb saw his best friend, having lunch with his worst enemy.

I was out of my seat in an instant, ignoring the way that Jame snickered when he realized what was going on. Leaving my parenting assignment on the table, I rushed across the room, passing rows of orange tables as I tried to catch up to Caleb, who’d already started to walk away.

“Caleb!” He didn’t respond, and I had to run to catch him at the door. “Caleb!” I tried again, catching him right at cafeteria exit. He paused then, and I was met with his hand as he put it up as a wall between us. He turned his head and met my eyes sharply, his dark and furious.

“Don’t,” he snapped, and I froze, the tone one that he’d never quite used on me before, shocking me enough that all I could do was stand there helplessly as he walked away, not even bothering to throw me a backwards glance.

I stood there for what felt like a long time, trying to sort out the knots in my stomach as I wondered what was going through Caleb’s head. When I did turn back to the table, Milo was standing there, looking concerned as I furiously began to gather my things and the baby carrier, while Jame just looked smug.

“You okay?” Milo asked me hesitantly, and even I was surprised at how angry I was when I lifted my eyes to meet his.

“What the fuck do you think?” I demanded, and without another word, I walked away from Milo Trust and his asshole friend, unsure if I was more outraged by the way that Caleb had just walked away from me, or the way that Milo let me walk away without telling Jame Graham to go to hell.

.....................................

I wasn’t liking this baby assignment for parenting class. I’d only had the thing for an hour and a half and it had gone off twice at inconvenient times: first, when I was late for class, and second when I was trying to change for gym. I got a small break during Mrs. Bates’s class when all dolls had their batteries recharged. It hadn’t taken very long for me to start feeling guilty about snapping at Milo. He hadn’t made eye contact with me for the first thirty minutes of class. Unfortunately, I couldn’t talk to him because Mrs. Bates had us reading silently. And I needed to talk to him. It was my fault I’d hung around knowing that Jame Graham would be there, and knowing that he was going to say things that would piss me off. I hadn’t counted on Caleb, but I could fix that later, and it wasn’t exactly fair to expect Milo to solve every little problem I had. Besides that, the whole experience had me wondering what kind of shit he took from Jame after hanging out with my friends--if Jame even knew about it.

When Milo had taken to holding his head in his hand, looking like he was tired of holding it up, I wasn’t sure if I was what was bothering him, or if it was something else, but I took the opportunity to write a note on a piece of notebook paper and slide it over the table in his direction. Milo eyed my handwriting rather than me--large blue letters spelling out I’m sorry with a frowning face beneath as he pulled it in his direction with two long fingers. When he did meet my eyes, I was a little surprised to find that Milo looked more confused than anything; but when I flashed him an apologetic look to match my writing, his expression softened, he gave me a slight nod, and then went back to his reading.

I watched him through the rest of class, deciding that his mood was no different than it had been the day before. When I asked him if anything was wrong, he told me that he’d had a headache bothering him for the last few days, and he hadn’t been sleeping right. I guessed that our parenting assignment had something to do with that last thing. Either way, his explanation seemed to explain enough and as he left at the end of class I said I’d call him.

Haily, who’d been eyeing me all through class, snagged my arm as soon as I was out of the parenting class trailer. She had her assignment--a boy--tucked under her arm, while I still had Milo’s carrier. She was frowning at me, and I didn’t need to ask to know what her problem was. She told me anyway, though.

“What’s going on with you and Caleb?” she demanded. “He was pissy all through lunch; you never showed up; and when I saw him before Mrs. Bates’s class he told me that you could go to hell when I asked if you guys were planning to go swimming, like Joe said.”

“I don’t think we’re going swimming anymore, Haily,” I replied, and her frown deepened.

“That wasn’t my question, Nels. Seriously. What happened?”

I sighed, glancing at her sidelong. “He saw me having lunch with Jame Graham earlier.”

Haily’s reaction to that was to be expected as she looked at me as if she’d heard something wrong. “You were where?”

“When I went to get this stupid thing from Milo,” I explained, tipping the carrier to indicate the baby, “we started talking and I decided to hang around and eat in the cafeteria with him. But Jame was there--and he was being a total fucking prick. I swear sometimes I think we should just let Caleb kick his ass and be done with it.”

“Okay...” Haily said slowly. “Then what’s Caleb’s problem?”

“Milo walked away for something,” I explained. I was beginning to feel exasperated. “When Caleb saw me I was alone with Jame. He probably got the wrong idea.”

“But you were still at lunch with Assface,” Haily pointed out, acting as if she couldn’t quite understand the concept as she threw her head back to swing her braid over her shoulder.

“I was having lunch with Milo,” I informed her. “Jame was there. And, whether or not I was fighting with him--Caleb’s being an idiot. He’s acting like I attacked him or something. I was sitting at the same table as Assface. Big fucking deal. I still don’t like the guy. I was there because of Milo.”

“Haily looked about ready to side with Caleb, but instead, she simply shook her head at me. “Do you want me to try to talk to Caleb for you?”

“I can tell him he’s being a jerk myself,” I informed her.

“If you say so,” she replied, sounding irritated. I could understand why. I was irritated, too. Caleb and I never fought, and even if I believed I could fix this, the feeling still wasn’t a good one as apprehension over it worked my nerves.

“It’ll be okay,” I finally decided aloud. “I’ll talk to him.”

But I didn’t get the chance to talk to Caleb as I’d hoped to when we reached the parking lot. Joe was there, looking as confused as Haily and me as we realized that the spot Caleb usually parked his jeep in was vacant. At least as I took my two remaining friends home, Haily had the good sense not to tell Joe what was going on. I had a feeling that Joe would love a reason to tell me why I shouldn’t associate with Milo Trust, and I wasn’t in the mood for it. I was more concerned with Caleb now, anyway. At least, the more I thought about it, the more it didn’t make sense. I could understand why he’d be upset over what he’d seen. Angry over it. True, when Caleb got angry, he didn’t exactly have a tendency to wait for explanations, so I wasn’t surprised that he hadn’t in this situation. But what he did do, was yell. Or hit things. In my case, I would have expected the former. Not the way that he’d walked away and decided to avoid things. That just wasn’t his style. And frankly, it had me pretty damn confused.

I planned to call Caleb to try to talk to him as soon as I got home, but as I pulled down the gravel drive, still wet from the recent snow which was still apparent in places where puddles usually formed, a black Mercedes parked in front of the garage where I usually parked caught my eye, and suddenly, I was dreading my phone call to Caleb a lot less than what I was pretty sure that I’d find in my house.

I had the infant carrier, my temporary daughter strapped into it, and my backpack as I stepped into the house and was greeted my the scent of something brewing in the crock pot and the sound of feminine laughter. I moved far enough down the hall to peer into the living room, horrified as I saw my mom on the sofa with Emily Hill, one of our many photo albums between them.

“Oh, look at that dress!” Emily exclaimed, pointing to one of them. “That’s so beautiful.”

“Have you thought about what kind you want?” my mom asked her, and I openly frowned into the room. Neither of them noticed me, though. Not before I heard the sound of a knife hitting a cutting board coming from the kitchen and headed to it, where I found my dad chopping potatoes over the island counter near the stove. He must have gotten off work early, because with his glasses perched on his nose his dark, thinning hair looked shiny and damp from a recent shower, and he was in one of the button-up shirts that he favored when he wanted to be comfortable. I marched right up to the opposite side of the counter and placed the carrier with the doll on it, and he looked up, just in time to find my eyes pointedly on him. But his attention was automatically drawn to the carrier and an alarmed look came over his face, not that I made a show of noticing it.

“Is Miss Hill going to have her wedding here?” I demanded.

“What is that?” My dad wanted to know, pointing at the carrier, but before I got the chance to respond, he’d stopped what he was doing, wiped his hands on a paper towel and rushed around the counter to look down at the doll in the pink onesie, still covered in the little frog blanket.

“It’s my parenting class project,” I explained, noticing the relieved and somewhat amused expression on my dad’s face. “Dad, is she?”

He was still staring at the doll. “Huh?”

“Emily, is she... damn it!”

I glared at the doll as it began to make that awful wailing sound, and my dad took a step back.

“What’s it doing?” he asked as I lifted the thing up and searched for the key in its back. It didn’t work, so I tried the bottle next as I cradled it in my arms. That did.

“I have to feed it,” I explained, and frowned at the look on my dad’s face. “It’s homework!” I said defensively. “So is she having her wedding here, or not?”

My dad just stared at me. Or rather, me holding and trying to feed a plastic doll, for a very long moment before he finally shook his head and went back to the potatoes.

“I’m not sure, Nelson.”

“So why is she here?” I asked.

“Your mother offered to show her the pictures from your Uncle Ray’s wedding.”

“Why?”

“So Emily can see how things could look if she did want to have her wedding here,” he said, beginning to sound exasperated.

“Dad...”

“Don’t get all worked up about this, Nelson,” he insisted. “They’re just looking at pictures.”

“Fine. But why can’t you just tell her she can’t have her wedding here?” I asked. “There are plenty of other places...”

“Because,” my dad replied, cracking a small smile, “like your mother would say--that would be rude. You really shouldn’t be worried about this, anyway.”

“Dad, I know she seems nice, but Milo...”

“I know,” my dad replied, smiling gently, in a way that at least let me know that he wasn’t ignoring my concerns. “But Nelson, there’s a possibility that he’s just not sure about her. You know, it took work to get along with you boys when I married your mom.”

“It was not.”

“Well, maybe not that hard,” he admitted as a reminiscent look crossed his face and he adjusted his glasses. “But for a while, I remember you and your brother were pretty suspicious of me.”

I frowned at that, mostly because I didn’t remember. “If we were, we wouldn’t have said yes when you asked us if you could marry our mom.”

“Before that,” my dad explained. “You guys weren’t so sure about having a man around the house, especially Chad. It took work--but we ended up okay. It could be the same for Milo and Emily after they spend some time together. Maybe they just need time.”

“Okay,” I replied. “You have a point... But I’m more worried about Milo now. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get him to come over already? If she starts hanging around here...”

“Nelson, I really doubt that she’s moving in with us, okay? I promise, if anything changes, you’ll be the first to know. Please stop worrying about it. And... why don’t you keep me posted on Milo, okay? If it becomes a problem, I’ll talk to your mom.”

I sighed, knowing that there was no way that my dad was going to just go get rid of Emily. Hell, if I were him, I wouldn’t either. She really did seem nice, but the fact that she was visiting my house didn’t help things as far as Milo was concerned. I wasn’t exactly interested in upsetting him, but I’d promised to tell him if things changed with Emily. I wasn’t sure if this qualified as change or not, but I had a sinking feeling that I should tell him about it, just in case he found out later, which he probably would, like the last time, and end up angry with me for keeping it from him. When I picked up the phone a while later to call him, I just hoped my dad was right, and there really wasn’t anything to worry about. But I never got the chance to find out, because out of the four times I called throughout the evening, there was no answer. Having to wait only made what I wanted to talk to him about feel harder.

At least there was no suspense when it came to Caleb. He hung up on me when I called him.

.............................................

It was snowing again. It wasn’t enough to really stick to anything, and wouldn’t have been bad if the overcast sky didn’t seem so close that it felt like it was boxing us in. The air was still, and students around school were once again busy cramming for finals. It all made for a quiet Thursday, except for when the silence was occasionally interrupted by the sound of a wailing baby, mine included. I was getting tired of my assignment. As it was, it had woken me up four times after I went to bed, and I was ready to get rid of it.

My day wasn’t made any easier by the fact that Caleb still wasn’t talking to me. Haily and Joe hadn’t called me for a ride, but Caleb’s jeep was in the usual spot. He just wasn’t waiting for me at the stairs like every other day. Haily and Joe were, though. Haily looked concerned, but Joe seemed none the wiser as he spent his time before class flirting with every girl he could after his fallout with Kelly. It really didn’t help that my classes were dragging by, and I didn’t see Milo at all when I went to his locker. I wasn’t trying to pass our assignment on to him early. I just wanted to see him. I was starting to feel a little lonely, not having spoken to Caleb yet. It didn’t seem to matter that I talked to practically everyone else I’d run into.

I’d told Haily to try to get Caleb to Hollander’s for lunch again, and that I’d meet them there after meeting Milo, but as I waited at Milo’s locker again, I had no idea how successful she’d been, and Milo was running late. It made me worry, since I hadn’t seen him all day as it was. When the crowds thinned, and there was still no sign of him, the doll started to cry again. I sighed to myself as I placed the carrier on the ground and went to inspect what was wrong. This time, the diaper had turned blue, meaning it was wet and I knelt down to change it before I turned the key on the doll’s back, which stopped the aggravating sound in just a few moments. I was settling it back in the carrier when a worn, dirty black tennis shoe nearly hit me as it stepped over the carrier, knocking it completely over. I grabbed for the doll, able to catch everything before it toppled over. I glared up at the perpetrator, not at all surprised to find Jame Graham as he went to open Milo’s locker, looking like nothing in the world was bothering him.

To hell with pleasantries.

“What the fuck is your problem?” I demanded.

He glanced down, likely trying to appear cool with that subdued expression that didn’t look quite right on his face, given those fat cheeks of his. He looked like a blow fish.

“Get lost, Larmont.”

I moved the carrier aside, and made sure it was behind me, and away from Jame as I stood, facing him.

“Why don’t you fucking make me?” I retorted, beyond perturbed with him at this point. Seeing how I hadn’t seen either of my two favorite people all day, and I could reasonably blame him for one of their absences, it wasn’t a good day for Jame to be picking a fight with me.

Jame’s brow lifted as he turned to face me, and I found the amusement in his eyes to be infuriating. He looked at me like a pest. Not even a little threatened, like he did when it was Caleb standing in my place. I suppose it had always been like that with Jame where I was involved. I’m not sure why I suddenly found that so insulting. He took a step forward, and my eyes narrowed on him as I wondered where he got the impression that I was actually going to back down. He started frowning when I didn’t.

“Get the fuck out of my face!” he ordered.

“But it’s so big,” I remarked. “Makes it kinda hard.”

Jame bit at his lip, and I watched as his face scrunched up into something aggravated. “I am so sick of you and your fucking friends!” he spat, and I actually had to wipe some of it away from my face.

“Well for someone who’s sick of my friends you sure make a point to try to get their attention!” I pointed out. “Trust me, nothing would make me happier than getting the fuck away from you, but I’m not doing that until I see Milo, so I can give him our assignment.”

“Well you can’t, so back off.”

“He’s my friend too, Jame. I’m not going anywhere.” Even as I said it, I found myself frowning, wondering why I was the one who always had to tell him that Milo and I were friends. Hell, the way Milo was hot and cold with me around him, it was no wonder he needed the constant reminder.

“Then you have a long wait,” Jame responded, raising his voice as he slammed the locker, now drawing attention from the slow stream of students still moving through the corridor. “Milo didn’t come to school today.”

He was in my face again as I absorbed this information, looking at me like it was my fault.

“Why?” I asked.

“None of your fucking business.”

I glared at that, and Jame smirked triumphantly. But, whatever victory he thought he had over me was short-lived when his eyes widened in shock as a hand met his chest a moment later, shoving his back into the lockers.

I was a little shocked by that myself, and by the shoulder nudging me away. What I wasn’t very surprised by, was that it was Caleb with his palm pinning the startled Jame to his locker, nor was I shocked that my best friend was so red in the face that it looked like a vein was about to pop right out of his forehead.

When Jame finally snapped his jaw shut, he lifted his hands to grab Caleb’s wrist in a pathetic attempt to get the blond off of him. When Caleb didn’t budge, Jame opened his mouth, likely to say something obnoxious, but smartly rethought it when Caleb stepped so close to him that they were practically nose to nose. Looking around at my peers, who were now gathered around us, I reacted as I always did.

“Caleb, stop it,” I insisted, reaching up to grab at his shoulder. He didn’t budge, but he didn’t shake me off, either. He was too busy staring down Jame, who finally managed to find his tongue.

“Get off me!” he shouted.

“Caleb!” I said, raising my voice. “Forget about him, okay? Caleb!”

“Is there a problem?” Mr. Danner’s nasal voice demanded, just as I managed to pry Caleb away from Jame. Everyone, including the crowd, turned to face the short, pudgy teacher with a bad black-dye job in his thinning hair. I found myself grateful that it was well known how Mr. Danner hated everyone equally, because when Caleb and I shook our heads, so did Jame as the teacher looked around suspiciously. “Fine, then break it up before everyone here gets to spend lunch mopping up the gymnasium.”

People reluctantly scattered. So did Caleb and Jame, after sending one last glare at each other. I lifted the baby carrier, glancing down to see that my assignment was still safe inside it, and rushed to catch up to Caleb. He didn’t look at me, but he did slow down and allowed me to match his pace. I kept looking at him as he seemingly led us towards the main entrance to reach the parking lot, but I wasn’t sure what to say to him. In fact, I wasn’t aware if we were actually talking yet or not, and it made for some awkward and unknown territory until Caleb finally did the talking for us.

“I hate him, Nelson.”

“I know you do,” I replied, unsure of what else I was supposed to say.

“You wanted me to ignore him, but I can’t. Every time I turn around...”

“I know.”

Caleb abruptly stopped to face me as we reached the front entrance, not seeming to care who had to walk around us--or in some cases, between us--to get out the doors.

“I wasn’t mad at you yesterday,” he said.

I took a moment to process that claim, and would have crossed my arms if I wasn’t juggling an infant carrier. “Yes, you were.”

Caleb frowned at me, like I was missing the point or something. “Okay, I was. But I talked to Haily. Now I’m not.”

“Oh, that’s just perfect,” I responded sarcastically. “You listened to what Haily had to say but you wouldn’t even talk to me?”

Caleb sighed, and when he suddenly turned and headed down the stairs towards the parking lot, I followed. “I knew that you weren’t actually getting cozy with Assface,” Caleb explained. “I just... I was having a bad day, alright? There was... shit going on, and when you didn’t show up for lunch I wanted to come back here and see if I could find you. You weren’t supposed to be with Assface.”

“He’s Milo’s friend.”

“Then Milo has serious issues,” Caleb informed me. “Look, it threw me off, okay?”

“So you didn’t talk to me all day?”

“I told you I was having a bad day.”

“Is this your idea of an apology?” I remarked, and Caleb looked my way, his expression concerned.

“You know it is!” he stated, and then softened his expression towards me. “I’ll baby-sit for you.” I raised an eyebrow at that, but he didn’t have to tell me twice as I handed over the baby carrier, perfectly willing to say goodbye to it and its contents for the rest of the hour, since it seemed that I’d have the doll around longer than expected. Caleb took it with no problem, and glanced over at me again. “We’re good, right?”

I shrugged. “Yeah... so why were you having a bad day? Is it Ronnie again?”

Caleb shrugged indifferently. “It’s a lot of things. Julie’s in her own place, so now my parents are back on my case again.”

“Finals?”

“Uh-huh.”

“You need any help?” I asked. I wasn’t a tutor, but I did know a few of them.

“No. I’m just tired of studying, ya know?”

“So let’s go out this weekend,” I suggested.

“Before finals?”

“Why not?”

Caleb seemed thoughtful. “Yeah. Why not? I’m talking to Ronnie again.”

“You told me. Everything okay there?”

“No. And yes,” Caleb replied. “We’re friends, I guess.”

“And that’s a problem?” I asked, eyeing him curiously. “You know Caleb, if you asked her out she’d say yes.”

“No shit,” Caleb snorted, shaking his head. “But I’m not going to. It would fuck things up. Plus, I tried to talk to her about what happened at homecoming and she told me that she actually hangs out with Assface.”

“So?” I responded, and Caleb frowned at me, incredulous. “I get that you don’t like him,” I explained. “I don’t like him, either, but I don’t go a around ready to strangle everyone who wants to hang out with him. I mean, it’s their own business, right? Like, if you suddenly started showing up everywhere with him, I still wouldn’t like him, but it’s not like it would change anything between me and you.”

“Hey--I said I was sorry about yesterday. And, that would never happen.”

“I know, Caleb. I’m just trying to make a point. If Ronnie is friends with Jame, you shouldn’t let it screw things up. She’s still Ronnie. If she’s friends with Assface, she’s probably been friends with him a lot longer than you’ve known about it. What’s the big deal?”

Caleb lowered his eyes, seeming to think about that for a while, but he never commented as we met Haily and Joe by our vehicles. Haily was happy to see Caleb and I were together. Joe finally wanted to know why we’d been fighting in the first place. Caleb told him to shut up, and together, the four of us went to lunch.

I might have been more bothered by my encounter with Jame if it wasn’t for the fact that everything seemed right with me and Caleb again, and I didn’t really care enough about Assface to waste my energy being angry with him. But, that didn’t mean that I wasn’t worried about what he’d told me. Or at least, one thing he’d told me. There was no explanation for why Milo wasn’t in school. He was simply absent, and after not being able to get hold of him the night before, I was prone to wonder what was going on. I definitely wanted to see him--or hear from him. It wasn’t just to get rid of the baby, either. I had things I needed to say to him. There was Emily Hill, and unfortunately, Jame Graham, too. It really didn’t help that I was worried about him being angry with me. I decided that I’d go see him after school. At least then I could figure out what was going on. Only, I got to figure that out before school even ended.

I was in Mrs. Bates’s class, listening as she went around the room, asking people to share their experiences with the dolls thus far, when the trailer door swung open, bringing in a gust of cool November air that had me looking up in time to see Milo as he entered the classroom. Mrs. Bates spotted him, and I found myself sitting up in my seat, my eyes on him as he spoke quietly with her, handing her over a note. She looked in my direction, gave him a nod, and a moment later Milo was heading in my direction as Mrs. Bates continued with her class.

I looked him over as he got closer, the way he was bundled in a heavy black coat. Usually, black was a good color for him, but today he seemed pale, his dark hair limp around his face. He gave me a nod in recognition before his bloodshot green eyes focused on his baby carrier, and the doll in it, which I’d perched on the table in front of the seat he usually sat in.

“I’m just here for the doll,” he whispered, his voice sounding a little scratchy as I continued to study him. “Sorry I couldn’t meet you earlier.”

“That’s okay,” I replied carefully. “Are you sick?”

He shrugged. “Just the flu. I’ll be back tomorrow.” He placed his hand on the carrier to lift it, but so did I, causing him to pause and meet my eyes.

“Don’t worry about it, Milo. I’ll keep it.”

“It’s my turn,” he responded, obviously being stubborn as he checked to make sure the diapers and the bottle were there. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I opened my mouth to object when he lifted our assignment, wanting to tell him that we needed to talk. But the way Mrs. Bates looked in our direction stopped me, and all I could do was frown after Milo as he left, deciding that he was going to see me a lot sooner than tomorrow.

............................................................

I think when someone was sick, it was supposed to be protocol to bring that person soup. But, in Milo’s case, I figured that Juanita had that covered, so I attempted a different approach.

When it came to being prepared if her kids got sick, my mom was like a walking pharmacy. That’s why, after I’d finished up about half of my homework around four thirty, just before it got dark, I raided our medicine cabinet. Milo hadn’t exactly said what his symptoms were, so that left me to grab just about everything from cough drops to fever reducers to heartburn medication before I made a lame attempt to make it cute by piling it all into an old yellow and blue Easter basket. When I was on the way to Stratfort, I decided that the whole thing was more stupid than it was cute. But even if he didn’t like it, at least it was something Milo could laugh at. Or smile. I guess I would have settled for either, given what I needed to talk to him about.

I’d decided not to bring up Jame. I was going to feel bad enough for bringing up Emily, a topic that would likely make him feel worse than he already did. But I had to. The one visit was probably no big deal, just as my dad said. I had to tell him about it anyway, though, before he heard it from someone else. At least, as I rang his doorbell with my medicine basket, topped with some wrapped slices of my dad’s freshly baked banana bread, that was the plan.

But plans change. Just like mine did, a few moments later, when Milo’s front door opened.

I’m sure that there were plenty of times when I could have showed up at my closeted boyfriend’s house that he would have considered a bad time. I was pretty sure that this time made the list. I’m not sure how long I stood there, like an idiot, staring in disbelief at Jame Graham as he held the front door open. I shouldn’t have been startled to see him. If anything, I knew that. But after my confrontation with him earlier that afternoon it seemed easy to become unnerved by his presence, even so much that for entire moments, I entirely forgot that he was supposed to be Milo’s friend and found it very difficult to comprehend the way that he was standing there. Milo, just behind him, drew my attention as he released a short cough. His eyes were on mine, looking drowsy and painfully red, but still concerned.

I tried to recover quickly. I was there for a reason, after all. “Hey,” I said, focusing on Milo, who started to step forward. But, before he could reach me, or I could get any more words out, my eyes were on Jame Graham as he moved between Milo and me, his face furious and so close to mine that I could smell the salami he’d had for lunch.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he demanded.

I raised an eyebrow at him, not appreciating the interruption. “Just here to see the father of my child,” I remarked, just before I felt pressure on my shoulders as he pushed me.

As soon as I realized that Jame wasn’t going to stop with just shoving me, I dropped the basket and various pill bottles rolled over the dark cement patio, some down the stairs and over the snow-covered lawn. The ingrate had clearly lost his mind as he gripped the front of my heavy blue coat and stepped on the banana bread, cussing about the nerve I had. He might have been taller than me, and angrier than me, but his eyes widened when I grabbed his thin wrists and dislodged his unwelcome hands from my clothing with virtually no problem at all. He attempted to pull his wrists from my grip but I refused to let go before I swung him around until I was standing between him and Milo’s front door, at which point I shoved him away from me, alert for any more attacks that he might want to make from the moment that my hands left his wrists.

“Don’t be a fucking idiot, Assface!” I snapped. “I don’t want to fight with you but that doesn’t mean I won’t!”

“Good!” he retorted, blindly pulling back his fist. I’m not sure what part of me he planned to hit, but I had my hands up in an instant, ready to stop him as I moved forward, roughly pushing him back again. I caught his attacking fist in my palm and tilted my head back to avoid his other hand, which reached threateningly for my neck. I felt his thumbnail scrape my chin, and a ridiculous kick to my knee before I became severely aware of Milo’s body moving between us, pushing at Jame as much as he was at me. His head was low, as if he fully expected either one of us to hit him at any moment.

“Stop it!” he shouted, his voice sounding somewhat uneven, a little like mine had when I’d first reached puberty. “Jame, just leave!”

I blinked at that, taking a startled step back, mostly because if he were going to tell anyone to leave, I thought it would have been me. Obviously, Jame thought the same thing because the look he shot at Milo was one of hurt outrage.

“Milo!”

“I’m serious,” Milo responded, lowering his voice. “I can’t do this right now.”

“You expect me to leave you here with him?” Jame demanded.

Without so much as glancing back at me, Milo startled me again. “I want him here. I’ll talk to you later but right now you just have to go home.”

Jame shook his head, glaring at me. I didn’t feel the need to gloat this time, but I watched as Milo finally moved forward and grabbed Jame’s shoulder, leading him down the walkway. It seemed that Jame was taking Milo’s car as Milo led him to where it was crookedly parked in the driveway, and the two began to argue just loud enough for me to hear it. It was mostly Jame, outraged that I was staying, and Milo telling him that his head hurt too much to argue--but I was his friend, and I wasn’t going anywhere.

I’d been wondering if Milo had been saying something along those lines to Jame. I’d hoped he would. But, it seemed like this was really the first time, and I actually became uncomfortable as I watched the two of them arguing. I hadn’t felt like an intrusion when I’d first arrived, but I did now because obviously, both of them were upset as Milo talked Jame into getting into the green Honda.

I looked around me, the blood that had rushed to my head during the confrontation slowly draining away as I caught sight of a broken basket, scattered medicines and smashed banana bread. I knelt down to pick it all up, suddenly wanting to preoccupy myself with the task in an attempt to give Jame and Milo the illusion of privacy.

I found that my hands were shaking. I really didn’t like fighting, and maybe I’d had enough of Jame Graham, but I didn’t like that Milo sounded so distressed over arguing with him. I found myself wishing that I could fix it. But, I will admit that when I heard the Honda’s engine come to life, and saw Jame pulling out of the driveway in Milo’s car, I did feel a little relieved that he was gone. Milo didn’t, though. He was frowning as he headed back towards me in his black sweats and white socks, which were now wet from walking through wet patches on the driveway. He was pale, even more so than he’d been when he stopped by the school, and something seemed unnatural about the tiny beads of perspiration breaking out over his face in the freezing temperatures. I had the beat-up basket and its contents, minus the smashed up banana bread which I’d dropped in the outdoor waste can, when I stood to meet him.

“Hey,” I said quietly, disturbed that he hardly seemed to have energy enough to meet my eyes as his drooped to my chest. When Milo just stood there, without responding, I held out the basket. “I wanted to bring this to you... and pick up the doll. It’s both our grade, remember?” I highly doubted that it was still a good idea to bring up Emily.

“Okay,” he said simply, after a long moment of me staring at him worriedly. But then, without making any attempt to grab the basket he walked around me and then into his house, leaving the front door wide open behind him.

“Milo?”

I turned, stopping at the door as I watched him head up the stairs on his own. I looked around the dark house, towards the living room, wondering where Juanita was. I guessed if she was there, she would have made an appearance around the time that Milo had been throwing himself between Jame and me.

I let out a breath and decided to go in, closing the front door quietly behind me before I followed the wet footprints all the way up the stairs, and reached his room around the same time that he did. I closed the door behind us and walked slowly over to the desk to put the basket down next to the baby carrier and our assignment, which he had in the same place, while Milo was more focused on his bed, where the dark sheets were tangled with his burgundy comforter. He allowed himself to fall onto his mattress face first, hugging at his pillow as he turned onto his side. I frowned over at him, not really sure what to say or do apart from perching myself on the edge of this bed where I lifted his ankles one at a time and rid him of the wet socks covering his feet, which had become cold to the touch. He was still as I straightened out his blankets and covered him, making sure to tuck in his cold toes, but he turned onto his back, tiredly looking up at me as I made myself comfortable at his side and gingerly took his fingers in mine.

“I’m sorry you don’t feel good,” I finally said, unsure of where else to start.

“I have the flu,” Milo informed me, and I found myself cracking a smile at the pout on his face.

“What kind of flu is it?”

“The everything kind.”

“Cool, ‘cause I brought every over-the-counter drug I could find in my house. Want something?”

Milo’s mouth turned down, and he slowly shook his head as his expression became more serious, and mine followed.

“I’m trying,” I told him. “With Jame...I’ve tried, but I don’t know if I can put up with his shit, or if I want to.” I ran a rough hand through my hair as I tried to figure out what more I wanted to tell him; but before I could figure it out, his fingers were moving against mine where I held them and I found him focused on me when I met his eyes.

“I know,” he said quietly. “I told him you’re my friend.”

I smiled. “I heard--thanks for that, Milo.”

Milo wasn’t returning my smile. In fact, as he faced me, he only appeared more troubled. “I should have done it yesterday, when he was saying all of those things at lunch--I’m sorry.”

I stared at him for a long moment, some anger over the things that Jame had said about my friends and even my family the day before returning, but it wasn’t exactly directed at Milo as my eyes softened on his. “I think I like you when you’re sick,” I remarked, and then laughed out loud when he managed to glare at me, even with his eyes drifting shut. I leaned down, and the skin of his forehead felt hot with fever against my lips, but I didn’t care as I tucked him in up to his neck and then leaned down to whisper in his ear. “Call me when you can,” I said. “We need to talk.”

He gave a slight nod, but didn’t open his eyes again as I left his bed, moving to gather the doll for parenting class, wanting to get it out of there before it managed to disturb him. I was just placing the broken basket of medicines closer to his bed, in case he decided he wanted it, when his bedroom door swung open and I looked up to find Juanita, startled as she stood in his doorway with a humidifier under one arm and a plastic grocery bad full of gatorade in the other. Not knowing what to do, I gave her a slight nod as I stepped away from the bed, taking the baby carrier with me.

“I was just leaving,” I said quietly, and she regarded me curiously as I headed towards the door and passed her with the baby carrier. But not before she looked at Milo--passed out and tucked into his bed--stepped aside, and flashed an approving smile in my direction.