With Trust - 9. You and Me

“Why not?” I asked. “We’re playing your old school. I figured you’d want to be there.”

“Well, you figured wrong,” Milo informed me while he closed his locker, slinging his backpack over his shoulder as he turned to face me. It was Friday afternoon, and I’d ambushed him there. I’d been doing that a lot lately. Between every class I could, in fact. I’d been going to Milo’s locker instead of my own. He hadn’t exactly been crazy about it at first. In fact, the first few times he’d tried to pretend that I wasn’t there; but now when he saw me waiting for him he’d smile. At least, when Jame wasn’t with him. In the three days that I’d been doing this, Jame had been with Milo twice, and he wasn’t exactly eager to welcome my presence. Jame wasn’t with him this time, though. This time, there was another problem. I hadn’t seen Milo outside of school since Tuesday, and all week I’d been trying to persuade him to come to the homecoming game with me and my friends. I’d been confident in my ability to succeed, but now I was rethinking that, since the game was tonight and Milo still wouldn’t budge.

“What about after the game?” I tried, moving to lean back against his locker. I slid my feet out to touch his, smiling when he promptly took a step back and issued me a look suitable for any pest. “Brandon Sholer’s having a party. Come with me.”

Milo narrowed his eyes on me. They were half-hidden today, shaded by his hair, which kept falling into his face. I imagined that he was doing his best to look stern. I countered with my best lost-boy face as I made puppy eyes and chewed on my lip. It proved to be the perfect ammunition when he let out a breath and his features softened some.

“Can I be honest with you?” he asked.

I stood up a little straighter. “Please.”

“I am going to the game,” he said quietly.

I grinned. “Great; then what’s the problem?”

“I’ll be sitting with Stratfort,” he explained. “My dad’s going to be there. It’s Stratfort’s homecoming, too, you know. And... Jame’s going to be with us, and I have friends on their team. I didn’t want to tell you because...”

I sighed.

“You know, Milo, I’m not out to make your life difficult or anything,” I cut him off, understanding the situation. Milo didn’t want to be seen with me like that. Not that that didn’t bother me. It did. But it wasn’t like I was about to show up next to him at the game and expect him to explain my presence to his dad and Jame all at once. But he could have mentioned this whole thing sooner. Like, before I’d started to beg him. “It’s fine, okay?” I’d expected to make him feel better, so I was a little surprised when he started to look uncertain with himself.

“Are Brandon Sholer’s parties any good?” he asked, after a moment of consideration.

“Not as good as the ones Caleb throws,” I remarked. “But not bad. You want the address, in case you decide to drop by later on?”

“You can give it to me--but look, I can’t make any promises, okay? My friends are throwing parties, too. I don’t really know where I’ll be.”

“That’s okay,” I replied as I opened my backpack to look for something I could write Brandon’s address on. Only, it wasn’t okay so much as it was annoying. I knew he liked me. Maybe I didn’t expect him to want to properly introduce me to his dad--which really wouldn’t have been all that difficult since technically, I’d already met his dad, even if I’d made a bad first impression--but he didn’t have to act so... indifferent towards me.

Milo watched me, shifting on his feet as I drew a small map from the school to Brandon Sholer’s house. I met his eyes when I presented it to him, but didn’t release the paper when he took hold of it, watching me as I cocked my head at him.

“Out of curiosity,” I said. “If you happened to see me at the game... would you even say hi to me, like you would any friend, or would you just pretend you didn’t even see me?” Milo opened his mouth, but then closed it again. He frowned, biting at his top lip while he looked to me to excuse him from the question. I sighed as I released the piece of paper into his hand. “Forget it. I’ll see you later, Milo.”

I walked away, not even looking back when he didn’t bother to call after me. Admittedly, I’d wanted him to call after me. It’s not like we’d just met yesterday. I’d been trying to get to Milo Trust for months. We hadn’t exactly been friends in all of that time, but I suppose I was becoming frustrated by the lack of progress. Especially over the last few days. After going to the spirit rally with him, I’d only seen him in school. Sometimes it felt like that night at my house had never happened, or that we’d never even talked about it. I wished that I knew what he was thinking, or what he wanted from me, or what he thought I wanted from him. I wanted to know what we were to each other, if anything at all. His evasiveness just made that impossible. I probably shouldn’t have been complaining, since he had agreed to be seen in public with me on Tuesday night, and I was sure that Jame was giving him a hard time about how I was always showing up at his locker. But still, I was beginning to feel that he was lacking, and it was bothering me enough to prevent me from enjoying the pre-homecoming excitement that had hit our school full force by now.

There were faces painted with school colors, including Caleb’s, because he’d taken the opportunity to dress up like a purple and orange clown. He made a good one, too, having left the gel out of his hair. His wavy blond locks complemented the paint job just right. There were mobs of people surrounding members of the football team to wish them luck; there were people looking for last minute dates for the dance tomorrow night; and the drama club had decided to have a bake sale that day. Every time I turned a corner, someone was trying to sell me a brownie. Despite my frustration with Milo, I was still pathetic enough to get him one before I went to parenting class at the end of the day. He’d only looked curious when I’d slid it into his backpack.

........................................

After school, it was definitely a different sort of day as Caleb, Haily, Joe and I dropped my car off at my house, piled into Caleb’s jeep and headed to the city park near the school. My parents were already there, along with my Uncle Ray’s family, Haily’s parents, and a few others that I knew. Chad and Leanna were there, and Chad was trying to convince people to try his extra-spicy chili. It was his contribution to the large assortment of other foods that everyone brought to the picnic.

It was cold and a little windy, and the sky looked white more than it did blue, overcast with clouds. But every year since the park had been built it had been tradition for my family and several others to meet before the homecoming game for a picnic. We’d done it in rain, or in record-setting warm temperatures for October, and even in the snow. It wasn’t so much a pre-game gathering as it was a chance for neighbors to get together and reminisce over past years’ homecomings, or discuss Halloween decorations and pumpkin recipes. Like my parents, most of their friends grew up in Hewell, and they called Hellver High ‘Hellschool’ before they ever thought about how they’d have children who would walk the same halls.

Some of last year’s students, mostly my brother’s friends, had shown up. One of them had brought a football and they were playing a mock game in the thick bed of dried leaves covering the grass beneath the trees as my mother and a few others scolded them when they came too close to the food-topped picnic tables. Usually, I would have been out there with them, but this year I found myself in the parking lot, sitting in the driver’s seat of Caleb’s jeep with the heat turned up. Joe was across from me on the passenger side, and we were damn close to becoming completely toasted as we passed his favorite red pipe back and forth.

I hadn’t ditched my family and friends to get fucked up, exactly. I’d volunteered to sit in the jeep with Joe to warm up when he’d complained about not being able to feel various parts of his body that he might need later because of the cold. I kept glancing over at him as he smoked, liking the way that he looked in his leather coat and thick black beanie. His face had a pink hue from the weather, and it could have been the smoke going to my brain, but he looked almost like he was glowing, and I found myself remembering how attracted I’d always been to him. That attraction was something I hardly ever thought about anymore, I realized. And that was a shame because when I’d had a little crush on Joe, things had felt a hell of a lot less complicated.

“Joe?”

“Hmm?”

“What do you do, if you know someone likes you... but they act like it doesn’t matter every time you try to tell them that you like them, too? And why do people do that, anyway? Like... why do they think what everyone else thinks matters? Joe? Sometimes people are stupid,” I finished, nodding for emphasis as I held out my hand and he passed the pipe into it. I jumped a little when the bowl tipped onto my palm and burned me. It didn’t matter a moment later, though, when I was bringing it to my mouth to take a hit. When I turned my head to look at Joe again, the right side of his mouth was curled into a lazy smile, and he cracked up.

“Dude, what are you talking about?”

I sighed. “Never mind. I don’t know what I’m talking about. I don’t know anything... How do you and Caleb make it look so easy, though? Girls are all over you guys and you go through ‘em like Pringles. I finally find one...person who I wanna get to know... like, really get to know. More than just fucking... but they pretend to hate me half the time. What the fuck is with that?” I frowned to myself. That wasn’t right. Milo didn’t exactly act like he hated me--things were just hard with him. He was different. A good different. I just...wanted more from him. I wasn’t sure how to express that without turning into a jerk, though. Which, was the problem. I was the problem. I frowned at that, too.

My thoughts were interrupted when Joe laughed again. I didn’t find anything amusing about the situation, but I found myself chuckling too as I pulled another hit off the pipe and then choked around my laughter.

“Wait a minute--who do you like?” Joe asked, seemingly experiencing a moment of clarity.

I sighed. “Never mind.”

I didn’t object when Joe reached out and took the pipe back from me. “I think you’ve had enough of this shit,” he remarked. “I mean, who the fuck doesn’t like you? Half the time you’re so cheerful it’s sickening, and the rest... you’re trying to make other people that annoying, too.”

I thought on that for a moment. “You think that’s the problem?” I asked. “I’m too happy? Well, you’re the expert when it comes to having a stick up your butt. If it’s gonna get me laid, where’s one I can sit on?” I laughed to myself, my remark having a double meaning, for me at least. Joe cocked his head at me, but a moment later he was laughing, too, and soon, we couldn’t seem to stop. We were blue in the face before Haily and Caleb came looking for us. Haily shoved a piece of fruity-tasting gum into both of our mouths, Caleb sprayed us down with the pine-scented air freshener he kept in the glove compartment, and the two of them walked us around the park for thirty minutes before we were in decent enough shape to sit with our families through the football game.

...............................

The freezing wind numbed my face as it hit me, sitting up in the stands with Caleb on one side of me with his fading orange-and-purple-painted face, and Chad and Leanna on the other. At nine o’clock, the stars were tiny glistening specks scattered over the pitch-black sky. Since we were playing against Stratfort, it seemed as if the entire town had turned up to cheer on their team of choice, and I was as loud as everyone else, easily becoming swept up in the excitement as the Hellschool Otters massacred the Stratfort Ravens.

Only, I wasn’t paying attention to the game, so much as I was paying attention to the stands. Particularly, the stands where Stratfort students and fans were sitting to cheer on their team, which wasn’t having a very good night. Their cheerleaders were doing better than their players, and one of their girls had sprained her ankle during their first routine. Our school was celebrating before the game was even over. By the time the bleachers emptied my friends were more than ready to get over to Brandon Sholer’s. My throat was dry from screaming when I said goodbye to my family, and as I walked to the jeep with Haily, Joe and Caleb, I was more than ready to be somewhere with a working heater. But I found myself slowing down as the back of a familiar red coat caught my eye, and I stared as one of the tall streetlights over the parking lot caught a group of people, Milo Trust among them.

He was smiling as Assface spoke to him while they walked behind Mr. Trust, who looked taller in his long black coat as he chatted with a few older men, looking bored. I found myself opening my mouth, wanting to get Milo’s attention when he lifted his fingers, which were red from the cold, and warmed them with his breath. But I stopped, frowning, because Milo wouldn’t want me to try to get his attention. Not now. I’d been trying not to think about how much that bothered me. But I was bothered. It bothered me that I was bothered and refused to do anything about it because I cared about what he wanted.

“Nelson, hurry up!”

I looked towards my friends at the sound of Caleb’s voice. They’d reached the jeep and were waiting for me. Sighing to myself, I headed over, but stopped when I heard my name again, this time, from an unexpected source.

“Nelson!”

I spun around, startled to find that Milo had stopped, and was looking right at me. What was even more surprising, was that he smiled at me, and I was so busy deciding how great that was that I didn’t even pay attention to the way that Assface couldn’t decide if he wanted to frown at Milo or glare at me. I felt the corners of my mouth curl up as I raised an eyebrow at Milo, curious to know what he was doing.

“Hi,” he finally said, right before he turned and followed his dad. I smiled after him, wondering if he even had any idea how much something as a simple acknowledgment from him meant to me. It was kind of pathetic, actually, but I didn’t care. I also wasn’t beyond gloating about it when Jame continued to glare at me, rather than follow Milo. I did what I imagined anyone in my position would have done. I stuck my tongue out at him, and went to join my friends.

..........................................................

Sometimes when I get happy--really happy, like Mary-Poppins-I’ve-got-rays-of-sunshine-shooting-out-of-my-ass happy--I tend to lose track of things, like what I’m doing. That one little encounter with Milo had put me in a great mood, and it wasn’t very long after that that I was all over Brandon Sholer’s two-story house with a bottomless plastic red cup of flat-tasting beer; dancing with girls who I didn’t know--whether or not I could hear music; and screaming with members from the football team after I’d allowed Brandon Sholer himself to paint my face up in purple and orange paint.

It was going on midnight by the time I found myself sitting on the darkly carpeted stairs, facing Brandon’s living room, which had been cleared to make room for all of the traffic. It seemed that his parents had had the good sense to move all of the furniture against the walls and cover it with old, faded sheets covered in various patterns before they’d turned the house over to their son for the night. I’d been talking to Caleb, but he’d left me there on the stairs as soon as Rebecca had shown up, and now he was with her on a sofa that was covered in a sheet with a green flower pattern on it, thoroughly examining her tonsils with his tongue. Not far away, Haily was one of the several people in the middle of the living room, dancing aimlessly to music that had so much bass behind it that I couldn’t even hear the lyrics, her braid swinging behind her. She was looking rather friendly with Derek Oton, and I might have been happy for her if I didn’t know for a fact that she was completely trashed and our boyish-looking quarterback looked about ready to drag her into the nearest dark room. I made a mental note to keep an eye on the situation, but being wasted enough myself, the thought didn’t last long as my attention turned to Joe as he came staggering through the front door with Kelly under his arm. As I drank down half of my cup it occurred to me that he was drunk, too. I’m pretty sure we all were.

“Hey Nels, having fun?”

I tilted my head back to watch Brandon Sholer as he moved down the stairs, leading a thin, giggling younger girl with him by the hand. He pulled her into his lap after taking a seat next to me, and I found myself smiling at him stupidly as he flashed his dimples in my direction. “I drank... a lot,” I decided.

He laughed. “Are you gonna be sick? I’ve got a toilet.”

“Ah. No,” I assured him, shaking my head. “I was just trying to figure out how I’m gonna get everyone home tonight. I think Caleb’s fucked up, too.”

“Well, you guys can all crash here tonight,” Brandon replied. “Derek’s staying, and I don’t think he’d mind having Haily around.” Brandon smirked in Haily’s direction, and when I looked to see that Derek had pulled her close during a fast song, and she was all but passing out in his arms, I found myself glaring at Brandon threateningly. When he met my eyes, his widened. “That wasn’t funny, huh?”

I shook my head. “No.”

He laughed, elbowing me. He hardly seemed to notice it when his female companion left his lap, threw a hand over her mouth and dashed up the stairs like she was ready to heave. “It’s cool, man. So are you and Haily together or something?”

“She’s my friend.”

“So if she’s just your friend, what’s the problem?” Brandon asked, leaning in as if he wanted to know a secret. His breath was thick with the scent of marijuana and alcohol, and being so close his blue eyes looked almost black. “Derek’s a nice guy. He’ll take care of her.” That, earned Brandon another glare. “Okay,” he relented, smirking at me. “Look, I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

Yeah, I decided. Haily was going to be fine, but that was mostly because Caleb had spotted her and pried himself away from Rebecca long enough to get Haily away from Derek. Derek didn’t necessarily look happy, but he wasn’t stupid enough to argue with a drunk Caleb, and I watched my best friend throw an arm around Haily and lead her towards the front door, probably to get some fresh air. When Rebecca followed them, and Joe left Kelly with her friends to do the same, I started to get up, too. I was feeling a little light-headed, which is why when Brandon suddenly dropped a hand on my shoulder, it felt like dead weight and I went right back down, looking at him expectantly over the lip of my plastic cup as I finished off my drink.

“Hey,” he said, “Sam was here earlier and left me some celebratory shit for winning the game. You wanna come hang out in my room for a while?”

I cocked my head at Brandon, curious over the invitation, but it wasn’t long before my eyes were drifting towards the door again and I was wondering over my friends. When I saw Joe come back inside and head towards Kelly, I looked at Brandon and shrugged.

“Okay, cool,” he said, grinning. “Gimme a sec, okay? I’ll get us something to drink.”

I watched Brandon Shoeler’s ass when he stood up and moved down the stairs, but instead of going to the kitchen, he followed after Joe, who now had Kelly with him as he led her out the door. I stood up then, leaving my cup on the stairs. It had been a fun party, but I was starting to feel a little too warm and fuzzy, and when I was drunk, I tended to end up with a case of separation anxiety, and liked to know where my friends were. On my way to the door, one of Kelly’s friends ambushed me and I found myself trying to dance with her, but it didn’t last long because my intoxication left me uncoordinated, and I kept stepping on her feet, and then Derek Oton ambushed me, wanting Haily’s phone number. I told him that if he really wanted it, then he could get it at school on Monday. By the time I actually reached the front door, Brandon was coming back through it, and I’d forgotten that I was supposed to be waiting for him, because he grabbed my arm to keep me from passing him.

“Hey, where ya goin’?” he asked.

“Um... look, it’s kinda late,” I replied as he released me. “I think Caleb’s gonna be ready to go soon, and...”

Brandon smiled. “Oh. They already left.”

I paused, those words making absolutely no sense to me.

“What?”

“Haily wasn’t feeling good, so they went to take her home,” he explained. “Don’t worry, I told them I’d get you home, or you can just stay here if you want. A lot of the guys from the team are.”

I found myself frowning at that. I won’t say that I didn’t have an ongoing fantasy of spending the night with the football team... or the baseball team... or swim team; but it wasn’t like my friends to leave me anywhere, unless they thought I wanted to stay. I looked at Brandon suspiciously, wondering if he’d given them that impression. “They’re too drunk to drive,” I said.

“Rebecca’s not. She taking them home. Come on.”

I sighed, suddenly regretting the fact that I’d agreed to help him smoke the joint he likely had in his room. My head was starting to spin, and I felt like putting anything else in my system was only going to make me nauseous, and once nauseous, being trashed just wasn’t fun anymore. But I found myself nodding anyway, deciding that I could always call Chad afterwards, provided I could remember his number by then. His apartment complex wasn’t very far from where Brandon lived, and given that it was Friday night, it wouldn’t be too late to call him for a ride. But instead of following Brandon, I turned and walked out the front door, closing my eyes as the cool air hit my face and flowed through my nostrils, refreshing me.

“Nels?”

I heard Brandon behind me and turned back around, forcing a smile. “I’m just gonna take a minute,” I told him.

He shrugged. “Sure. Can you find my room?”

“Yeah, no problem,” I replied. “I’ll be right there.”

Brandon nodded before I turned back around, and heard the front door close behind him. I took a moment to just stand there. It was cold, but it didn’t feel as cold as it would have if I hadn’t had so much to drink. I ran my palm roughly over my face. I was breaking out in a light sweat, and the paint was starting to make my face itch, but I ignored it, hoping that the fresh air surrounding me would have a sobering effect before I went back inside.

Beneath the porch light, I stood at the top of the stairs and looked across the walkway that led straight through the middle of Brandon’s front yard to the sidewalk that ran through his neighborhood. He lived in one of the older neighborhoods on the hill. It was a peaceful street, crowded with cars from his party. Like most houses on the block, Brandon’s garage was located at the back of the house, and the effect caused the fenceless front yards to appear larger than they were. Some lawns were greener than others this time of year, and Brandon’s was one of them. There was moisture in his lawn, and I could smell the musky scent of the grass as I inhaled, slowly moving down the stairs. I looked down the street to where Caleb had parked the jeep when we first arrived. The space really was empty. I’d left my coat in that jeep. I frowned to myself. It really wasn’t like my friends to leave me. I wasn’t angry about it, really. Just, curious. Even if Brandon had told them that I wanted to stay for a while, they at least would have checked before they actually left. At least, that’s what they’d always done before.

I reached the sidewalk, and started walking slowly as I wondered why it was suddenly so hard to actually stay on the sidewalk. It seemed to take forever to reach the end of the street, but when I got there, and still saw no sign of Caleb’s jeep, I crossed the street and started walking back towards Brandon’s house from the other side. I was moving slowly, and in the weather I’d stopped sweating as goose bumps rose across my skin instead. When I reached the space where Caleb had been parked, I stopped and stared. It wasn’t empty anymore. There was a green Honda there instead, and for a very long moment I just stood there, looking at the dent in the driver’s side door. I cocked my head at it, stumbling when I attempted to take a step forward. I reached out, placing my hand on the roof to balance myself as I reached for a door--any door. I’d walked all the way around the car before I found one that opened, and slid into the comfortable passenger seat, slamming the door on myself.

I closed my eyes and relaxed as the seat curved to my body, and took in that pleasant scent surrounding me, along with warmth. It felt as if the heater had just been running, and as I lifted my feet onto the seat, holding my knees as I rested my face against the cold window, I enjoyed the feeling of being comfortable, spinning head and all.

It did occur to me, that since Milo’s car had mysteriously appeared on Brandon’s street, there was a good chance that he was looking for me. But I was tired, and decided that he’d have a pretty hard time missing me where I was. Besides, moving just wasn’t a good idea anymore.

...........................................

There was heat blowing at me, and the hum of an engine when I opened my eyes, horrified to find the world dark and spinning. I felt sick, and wanted to lie down, but the seat only moved back so far, and when the cab light came on above me I squinted my eyes, even the dim light sending sharp pains through my head. But, I became focused. Focused enough to see Milo sitting in front of the steering wheel, peacefully leaning back in his seat. We weren’t driving anywhere. The car was running, but we definitely weren’t moving. That was just my head that felt like it was spinning out of control.

Milo was still bundled up in his red coat, just as he was when I’d seen him after the game. I smiled at the memory. He didn’t smile back. His expression was blank, and his eyes looked tired, but his soft, dark locks were framing his face perfectly. If I thought I could actually move without getting dizzy, I probably would have reached out to touch it.

“You have paint all over your face,” he finally informed me. “And, you’re drunk--and you don’t even have a coat.”

“And you sound like someone’s mother,” I responded with a scratchy throat, slowly sitting up to look out the front window, wondering where we were. I wasn’t expecting to see the front of Milo Trust’s house. The porch light wasn’t on, and it looked like a large shadow against the dark sky, but I recognized where we were. I glanced at the clock, reading two thirty on the dash, and my eyes widened. “Oh shit.”

“I couldn’t wake you up. I didn’t want to bring you home like that, and I couldn’t carry you up my stairs.”

I glanced over at him, sighing. “Sorry... how long have we been here?”

“Just over an hour,” he replied calmly, turning to face his house. “Do you think you can move now? We can go inside, but we have to be quiet because Juanita’s home, and she sleeps on the first floor.”

“Yeah,” I said slowly. I was still feeling pretty drunk, but not so much that I didn’t feel bad about this situation. I’d wanted to see Milo more than anything, I just hadn’t expected him to show up at Brandon’s; and now, I’d destroyed the opportunity that I’d been waiting for. “Look, do you have a phone? I can call my brother. He’ll come get me.”

“Isn’t it a little late for that?”

“He’s probably just going to bed, and I’m not really into walking home from here,” I replied, turning my head to meet his eyes. “Hey... sorry,” I said again. “I didn’t think you were going to show up.”

“Would that have stopped you from getting wasted?”

I considered. “Probably not.”

Milo was silent for a moment before responding. “Why were you passed out in my car, anyway?”

I smiled wanly. “Your seats are comfortable...And, my friends sort of ditched me.”

“Seriously?”

“Hmm... no big deal. I think they thought I wanted them to.”

Milo waited for more of an explanation than that, but when I just smiled at him, because he looked so damn sexy with that studying expression on his face, he just shook his head at me. “Can you move? Quietly?”

I sighed, and as Milo shut down his vehicle I opened my door and tried to get out, only to be held back by a force against my chest. I landed back in my seat with a grunt, and Milo snorted as I looked down to find that I’d been buckled up at some point. “I said quietly,” he remarked, but couldn’t quite maintain a straight face.

I rolled my eyes at him and unbuckled. “If my shoelaces are tied together,” I warned, “there’s going to be retribution.”

“Yeah, can you see me shaking?” he remarked, smirking. “Just get out of the car--and be careful.”

Getting out of the car, into the house, and up the stairs, was easier said than done--for Milo. I’ll admit it. I was acting like a complete ass, or a buttmunch, which is what Milo called me several times on the way. I couldn’t quite seem to help it. With my head swimming, it was all I could do to keep one foot in front of the other as I followed my host. I didn’t do too bad, until I reached the stairs and almost tripped on the first one. Milo had to put an arm around me to help me up the rest, which I wasn’t going to complain about in the slightest. He smelled good, as usual, and I kept turning my head to smell his neck. He’d shudder and glare at me, and I’d laugh in response. It was the laughter Milo seemed the most concerned about. He kept covering my mouth with his hand to silence me, and was not amused when I took it upon myself to suck on his palm each time. We made it up to his room, though, where Milo ordered me to wait while he went to get the phone. I was more than happy to, when I realized that he was painting again. His room wasn’t as spectacular as the first time I’d seen it, but there were three unfinished canvases present. I was a little too busy dizzy to move from one to another, but I’d backed myself onto his bed, and I studied each one from there.

It looked like he’d been to Hangman recently. As with everything else, his portrayal of an oncoming winter over the lake was done perfectly. The first portrait looked dark--menacing almost, with the storm clouds gathering over the water, and the trees looking sad and lifeless without their leaves. The second was just the beginning of a tree, but I had a feeling that by the time he was finished with it, there would be a dark, haunting scarecrow hanging from its branches. The third canvas was different, but not something that I disliked. In fact, I liked it very much. I saw the scene outside of my kitchen window every morning. It wasn’t finished, but I was stunned at his ability to capture detail from memory the way he did. As far as I could tell, not a single apple tree had so much as an apple left behind from summer out of place.

I became disoriented as I studied it. The trip up the stairs and my spinning head was getting to me, and I found myself rolling onto my side, taking comfort on the soft mattress as I made sure that I could still see the portrait, and tried to imagine what it would look like when it was finished, just as much as I tried to imagine what Milo had been thinking about as he painted it. I found myself hoping that it was me; that afternoon we spent together at my house.

When Milo suddenly returned and found me ogling his work, he made a point to turn the easel around, blocking my view. I frowned at this, but didn’t comment as I slowly sat up when he approached me, holding out a bottle of water and a folded washcloth in one hand and a couple of aspirin on the palm of the other. I looked over the items momentarily before looking up to meet his eyes, the emerald in them focused on me. “You forgot the phone,” I said quietly, and reached out to take the water, and then plucked the pills from his hand. I was learning to keep my voice down. My throat ached from all of the screaming I’d done during and since the game, and I risked completely losing my voice if I didn’t. But I guess it didn’t matter what I said anyway, because instead of responding to my words, Milo went to close his bedroom door before returning to lift himself onto the foot of the bed, next to me.

I did my best not to spill or dribble any of the water, but I wasn’t exactly coordinated and I ended up with a large wet spot down the front of my white, long-sleeved shirt. Milo laughed at this, and I rolled my eyes at him as he lifted the washcloth. Obviously, I thought, he’d figured that I’d need it. I reached for the small towel, but didn’t get the chance to take it as he suddenly lifted it to my face and dragged it over my right cheek. The cloth was damp, obviously not for my mess, and I dropped my hand, staring at him as he pulled the cloth away, taking a good amount of paint with it before he folded it over and brought it back to my face.

I stared at Milo, intrigued and confused by this behavior as he avoided my eyes and continued to rid my face of the paint left on it. And I remained still. As still as I possibly could, as if any movement might startle him away and as the damp cloth below his fingers moved soothingly across my skin, leaving tingling, cool streaks. I enjoyed it. When I closed my eyes, my head only seemed heavy as I leaned into his hand when he moved the cloth over my chin. I could feel his thumb brush over my mouth, and then something softer, as the cloth completely disappeared.

His breath felt warm against my face when his mouth gently closed over my bottom lip. My eyes snapped open, and my vision blurred, having him so close. Milo Trust was kissing me. I smiled against his mouth. It was a horrible time to get light-headed, and I groaned as I was forced to pull away from him to lie on his mattress. I turned back onto my side, waiting for the dizziness to go away as I stared up at him.

“You’re still drunk,” he observed, sounding neutral.

“I think so.”

“Are you gonna puke in my room?”

I smiled lazily at that and slowly shook my head. “I didn’t throw up in your car,” I pointed out. “And, I can talk in complete sentences. I think.”

Milo’s bow-shaped lips curled up into an amused smile. “You’re not doing too bad.”

“Why’d you show up at Brandon’s?” I asked him.

“I got bored with my friends. Everyone was just... drunk.”

I shook my head at him, as if he’d provided the wrong answer. “You wanted to see me.”

“Yeah, when I thought you’d be sober,” he remarked, but there was a teasing note in his voice. He suddenly stood up, and my eyes followed him as he gathered the washcloth and the bottle of water, and went to drop them on his desk before he shook off his red coat and kicked out of his shoes. He padded back to the bed in white socks, and my eyes widened when he suddenly grabbed my right foot and pulled my black shoe over my ankle.

“That’s my shoe!” I said, reaching for it, and Milo grinned at me as he dropped it carelessly on his floor.

“Yeah, and I don’t want it in my bed,” he informed me, reaching for my other one.

“But you want me in your bed?” I teased.

He frowned at that.

“Don’t push your luck,” he retorted.

I turned onto my back and stared up at him, regarding him rather seriously.

“What are you doing, Milo?”

“It’s three o’clock in the morning,” he said, his eyes focused on my foot; and then quietly added, “It’s too late for you to go anywhere else.”

It took me a few minutes in my current state, but I was able to take in the situation somewhat reasonably. “Your dad?” I asked.

“He won’t be here for the rest of the weekend,” Milo explained, sounding annoyed. “He took off with Emily somewhere after the game.... I... it’s okay. I mean, for you to stay here tonight. Juanita never comes in unless the door’s open.” He suddenly dropped my foot, and I found myself yawning as he crossed the room again, this time moving towards his closet. With his back to me, he ran both of his hands firmly through his hair before suddenly revealing his bare back to me when he lifted his shirt over his head in one swift motion. It fell to the paint-stained rugs on the floor, and without looking back he opened his closet door. “Do you want something to sleep in? I don’t really have that many people spending the night, so I don’t know...” he trailed off, and as he began to fidget with the clothes on his hangers nervously, I forced myself to sit up, ignoring how much it hurt.

“No thanks. I’m okay,” I assured him as I stripped my shirt off as quickly as possible, and then wrestled myself out of my jeans. I clumsily dropped them on the floor and looked down at the red boxer briefs I’d pulled on that morning. I think the only thing that prevented me from pulling them off, too, was the way that Milo suddenly looked back at me and I watched his eyes take a quick sweep over my body. That, and the way that I felt nausea rising in my throat again forced me to simply lie back down. But this time I at least made it to his pillows. My head fell over one of them as I turned back onto my side. The room didn’t move as much when I was on my side. But, the way I was facing prevented me from being able to see Milo. I wasn’t sure I liked that, but I felt too heavy to roll over. I was definitely disappointed in myself. Finally, I was in his bed because he wanted me there and the only thing I was going to do in it was pass out.

His light suddenly went out, and I found myself grateful that some moonlight escaped through his window, slightly illuminating the room. Unless I was asleep, I became much dizzier when it was completely dark, and I sighed as I took in the feel of the soft comforter beneath me, smelling of fabric softeners and Milo. I was already drifting off when I felt the blankets to the right of me being pulled back, and the bed dipping. When I felt a cool hand on my shoulder it took a great effort to force myself to roll to my other side. I stared at Milo’s shadow in the dark. With as much cooperation as I could provide, I allowed him to wrestle me under the covers. And when he pulled them back over me I used all of my remaining energy to reach out, cupping the back of his neck. My thumb brushed over the nape of his hairline as I pulled him to me. I was unprepared for how hard his lips landed on mine. It felt bruising, but I kissed him, anyway, sloppily at best. I felt the weight of his chest, warm and heavy over mine when I managed to get an arm around him, and as his body slid up against mine I could feel his bare leg, the hair covering it rubbing up against mine. I slid a hand down to his hip, feeling that he’d stripped down to a pair of sleek, loose boxers. I sucked in a breath when I felt his fingers moving over my chest; but suddenly feeling unable to breathe I was forced to pull away from the kiss, and as Milo’s head fell against my shoulder I could feel his breath hitting my neck, and his mouth move against my skin as he spoke.

“You should go to sleep.”

“I can’t,” I declared. “I feel like I’m irritating you.”

I was serious, and a little self-conscious because I really did feel like I was going to pass out, but Milo’s soft laughter suggested that he was only amused.

“You do know how to do that,” he remarked. “But... it’s kinda easier when you’re like this.”

“Huh?”

“I mean... I don’t know. It’s kind of annoying that you’re drunk. But for once... I feel like I can keep up with you.”

I frowned at that, trying to understand. I didn’t like the conclusion I came to. “So you don’t like me most of the time? Is that why you don’t like to see me out of class?”

“That’s not what I meant,” he said quickly, and then sighed. “It’s not that I don’t want to see you...I just...I’m trying. I want to try.”

He fell silent, and I moved a hand up through his hair, capturing soft locks between my fingers.

“That’s good,” I decided.

“So maybe tomorrow... I don’t really like being around people, Nelson, but if we did something else...”

I hummed a response before I ever got any words out. “Tomorrow’s homecoming--I have to go dance with Haily,” I mumbled. Milo felt tense against me then, but I couldn’t tell if I was imagining it, as I started to drift. But I managed to focus when he slowly lifted his head, just enough to look at me.

“You have a date?” he asked me. I smiled at that. Milo Trust was decidedly very cute when he was jealous.

“She’s just my friend. I’ll go on a date with you, though.”

Milo didn’t look amused, and the smile he flashed me was forced, at best. “Then... maybe I’ll see you there.”

I lifted my hand, sliding my fingers up into his hair as I closed my eyes, and the last conscious thought I had that night was thinking that I liked the way his lips felt over mine.

..............................................

With my head on the pillow, staring straight ahead, one of Milo’s unfinished portraits of Hangman cove was directly in my line of sight, and I studied it carefully, trying to ignore the way that my throat was dry and my head was pounding, while equally trying to focus on the way that a finger was tracing lines over my bare back. For ten minutes now, I’d let Milo think I was still asleep as he drew pictures I couldn’t see over my skin. Every once in a while, his finger would dip low and he’d trace the elastic band circling my waist, sending a chill through me, and when he was feeling brave, he’d dip the tip of his finger beneath my red boxer briefs and trace the line there, reaching just above the rise of my ass. I was enjoying myself, if the bulge steadily stretching my underwear was any indication, but I was also afraid that he’d stop if I told him how much, and I was way too hung-over to deal with Milo if he suddenly decided that he wanted me out of his bed, and then out of his house. But then, I had a headache, and I felt like shit, and I probably wasn’t giving him enough credit. From what I remembered he’d taken care of me last night. Hell, he’d sat in his car with me because he wouldn’t wake me up. Anyone else probably would have left me there in the front seat and gone to bed. Except Caleb. Once when I’d been drunk enough to pass out, Caleb had dragged me into his house, dropped me on the floor, and then he went to bed.

I sighed, and finally let him know I was awake by asking a question that had been on my mind since I opened my eyes and found the light from the window was enough to warm the room. “What time is it?”

Milo’s hand withdrew from my back and I felt him shift on the bed. “It’s almost twelve.”

That got my attention. By now I figured that at least someone would be looking for me. My parents would have at least tried to call my friends to find out why I never came home or called. I turned over to face him. “That’s kinda late,” I commented, and then paused for a long moment to take in the way that Milo looked in the morning. His thick lashes shaded his eyes, which were only half-open and his skin glowed from sleep. For the length it was, his hair remained relatively neat, but seemed wavier than normal, and could have definitely used a comb, but I liked him that way. I probably would have tried to kiss him if I wasn’t aware that my breath was potently disgusting.

“I can take you home,” Milo said. “Whenever you’re ready.”

I closed my eyes momentarily, trying to determine how sick I was going to feel if I sat up. When I opened them again, I found Milo’s eyes intently on me. “Do you have toothpaste somewhere around here?” I finally asked. I’m pretty sure it was the lecherous way I was suddenly looking at him, and not my words, that had the corners of his mouth turning up before he slowly left the bed and started to move across his room in black-and-gray-checkered boxers.

I got up a lot slower than Milo did, but I managed to get dressed on my own, and he even directed me down the hall to a small bathroom with a green shower curtain and matching rugs. It was a clean little space, and definitely Milo’s if the cup full of paint brushes right next to the glass toothbrush holder was any indication. His bathroom seemed a lot more organized than his room had been when I’d first walked into it. He even had a whole drawer full of spare toothbrushes. Not just a couple of them, but an entire drawer. When I asked him about it he quietly explained that he collected them, ever since he was six. It seemed that his dentist had been his first real crush. I’d laughed at that, because I’d been terrified of my first dentist. Milo insisted that I’d gone to the wrong one, because he still saw his regularly. We brushed our teeth together, and when we were finished, Milo flashed a large smile at me. When I was younger, I’d flashed that same kind of smile at my parents after brushing my teeth for the usual inspection. I gave Milo a different kind of inspection.

He dropped his toothbrush when I suddenly turned towards him and my hands went to his waist over his gray t-shirt as I pinned him against the wall opposite the sink--but it wasn’t like he’d have to go out and by a new one. The water was still running, and he was startled, but instead of pushing me away he reached out long enough to shove the bathroom door closed and his fingers settled over my shoulders as his lips parted against mine. Between the two of us, peppermint toothpaste tasted strong as I moved my tongue coaxingly against his. It wasn’t a very long kiss, but it was a good one. I just wished that he hadn’t heard Juanita moving around downstairs and insisted that he should get me home.

The drive from Milo’s house to mine was a silent one, but that was probably my fault. I felt like I hadn’t slept at all the night before, the way that my head was pounding so bad that it made me sick. It didn’t help that I still didn’t have my coat. The sun was bright, but the air was cold, and I was feeling it, even inside of his car. Milo had turned on his heater when I crossed my arms over my chest and snuggled back against the seat; but we were halfway to my house before it even warmed up, and by then I’d come to the conclusion that if I was going to have fun at homecoming at all, I needed a hot shower, bread products in my stomach, and more sleep. And when it came to homecoming, I was still thinking about the dance, which was now hours away, when Milo pulled into my driveway and came to a stop in front of the garage, right next to my own vehicle.

“Do you wanna come in for a while?” I asked him.

I couldn’t even try to explain why he seemed surprised by the invitation.

“Aren’t you busy or something--homecoming and all...”

“That’s later,” I replied. “Wanna come in?” I was feeling tired, and hoped that I hadn’t managed to sound short with him.

He seemed to think about it for a moment. “I’ll walk you,” he offered.

I smiled at that. “My door’s just right there,” I pointed out. “I think I can make it.”

He looked over at me, leaning back in his seat after putting the vehicle in park. “There’s some stuff I needed to do today,” he explained, and when I openly appeared disappointed, he added, “Maybe later.”

I thought on that for a moment before nodding. “Are you going to homecoming?”

“I wasn’t planning on it--Jame wants me to go.”

“He’s going?” I asked, surprised. I rarely ever saw Assface at school functions.

“He has a date with some girl--Veronica.”

I tried not to look as shocked at that as I was. I’d heard about Assface having a date about as much as I saw him at school functions. “Well,” I decided, “I actually agree with him this time--you should come.”

Milo shrugged at that. “Maybe I will; maybe I’ll find a date.”

My brow flew up at that. “A date?”

“You have one,” he pointed out.

“I’m going with Haily. That’s different,” I insisted, crossing my arms stubbornly.

“No it’s not,” he replied quietly. “Haily likes you. Everyone knows.”

I studied him for a long moment, surprised that he’d notice that about Haily at all. “Does it bother you I’m going with her?” I asked pointedly.

“I don’t know,” he said, looking away from me. But, before I could respond to it, he quickly continued. “If I go, Jame’s gonna expect me to hang out with him.”

“So?”

“So, it wouldn’t be like...”

“Going with me?” I finished for him, and then shrugged. “It sucks, Milo,” I admitted. “But sometimes... it’s just good to see you, ya know?”

He cocked his head at me. I just smiled.

“Just make sure your date isn’t like... a date,” I added, somewhat uncertainly. I wasn’t really even sure if I had the right to say that to him at this point. “Are we together, Milo?” I asked. “It’s hard to tell.”

The awkward expression on his face suggested that my bold question had put him on the spot, but I couldn’t quite hide my smile when a pink blush colored his cheeks. At least he had the decency to look like he was thinking about my inquiry.

“I don’t know,” he finally replied. It was an uncertain answer, and not one I particularly cared for. But I nodded, and as I opened the passenger door and glanced back at him before getting out of the car, I found myself hoping that that answer would change, hopefully sooner rather than later.

“Hey...” I said as I shielded the sun from my eyes. “I hope you come tonight--but if I don’t see you, I’ll call.”

“Sure,” Milo replied, and after a long moment of staring at him, I resisted the urge to ask him in again and let out a breath.

“Thanks for last night,” I told him, and then sheepishly added, “And... I’m sorry about last night.”

A faint smile crossed his mouth over that. He gave me a slight nod, and after I closed the door I stepped back and watched as he backed all the way out of my driveway, gave a small wave, and then disappeared.

When I got inside, I gave my parents the short explanation of why I hadn’t come home. I couldn’t drive, and I slept at a friend’s house. I would have told them that that friend happened to be Milo, but I wasn’t in the mood for questions as I went about trying to make myself feel better. I took a long shower, standing under the water until it ran cold, and then I had three large pumpkin muffins for breakfast before I tucked myself into my own bed--which decidedly, wasn’t as comfortable as Milo’s--and passed out for a while. A while, was three and a half hours until Caleb barged into my room wanting to know if the god-awful red jacket he’d chosen for homecoming was going to terrify his date. I assured him it would and gave him one of my black ones. It was a tight fit on him, but it worked. He hung around while I got dressed, following me between my room and the bathroom upstairs, and when I demanded to know why he’d ditched me last night, he swore up and down that Brandon Sholer had insisted that I wanted to stay. This reminded me that I’d more or less ditched Brandon the night before, but seeing how just about everyone had been completely wasted, I had a feeling that he wouldn’t even remember. Besides, that didn’t seem to be as big of an issue as it was to calm Caleb down over the idea that he’d ditched me. He was still talking about it after my mom had taken our pictures and we headed outside to our respective vehicles. Caleb was going to pick up Rebecca, and I was supposed to collect Haily, and then Joe and his date.

“Did Brandon at least get you home?’ Caleb wanted to know. “He said you were gonna crash there or something.

“It was fine, Caleb,’ I insisted. “I was just wondering, that’s all. And I was too trashed to go home last night, anyway. I crashed at Milo Trust’s place.”

That announcement caused Caleb to stop just before he opened his door. He looked back at me skeptically. “I didn’t even know he was at Brandon’s last night.”

“He got there after you left,” I explained. “He drove me home this morning, so no worries, okay? I’ll see you at the school.”

Caleb frowned, but waved as I dropped into the front seat of my car and went to collect my passengers. Joe was in an oddly good mood, but I had a feeling that that was because as soon as Kelly had climbed into the back seat with him she mentioned that she wasn’t wearing underwear under the red dress he told her that she looked good in. When I picked up Haily, I spent ten minutes inside so her mom could take pictures of us together. She had chosen a dark green dress with her mother, and I told her I liked it, but I didn’t tell her that that was because the fabric was the color of Milo’s eyes. She seemed to like the compliment, though. And, I was pleased because once we reached the school, I felt like I was with Haily my best friend, not Haily, a girl who liked me, and it was all because she became self-conscious when people began to compliment her hair. She’d left it down, and in her usual braid it was hard to tell just how much she had. She did look pretty tonight, I decided, and told her so as I talked her into entering the auditorium with me.

The student council had done a pretty good job with homecoming. They’d kept it simple, offering various beverages and live music which alternated between a local rock band with a few members that had been in school with my brother, and the school choir, so at least there was variety. Decorations had been left simple with alternating lights and bouquets of purple and orange balloons ready to fall during chosen dances; and along the walls there were tables set up for anyone looking for a break. Caleb had already claimed one with Rebecca, and for the first half hour we were there that’s where I remained, talking to my friends, and saying hello to others who had shown up. When we finally did start to dance, Caleb was already saying that he was ready to leave. He wanted to go down to Hangman, like a lot of other guys, but since Rebecca was up for homecoming queen, we were all staying for her. Personally, I’d voted for Christina Randelle, the redhead who’d shown up on Brandon Sholer’s arm. But that was mostly because she’d taken piano lessons from my mom, and she’d always been really nice to me--not that I was going to try to explain this to Caleb, who’d recently voiced his dream to nail the homecoming queen. If Rebecca won, I suppose it would make that easier for him. But if there was anything that I figured Caleb didn’t need help with, it was getting laid.

Brandon Sholer waved to me, but I didn’t get the idea that he thought I’d ditched him last night, so I didn’t find it necessary to apologize to him. I was too busy trying not to step on Haily’s dress, anyway, which seemed to have an extra-long skirt. Haily was in a good mood, and it was nice to feel like I could just hang out with her again as we spent our time dancing and making fun of everyone else’s dresses. Still, though, when Ryan Archer asked to dance with Haily I was quick to bow out and let him. Haily had shot me a dirty look for that, but she didn’t look entirely put out about dancing with someone else, especially when Derek Oton was the next to ask her, much to his own date’s chagrin. Haily seemed to be getting a lot of attention tonight, and she seemed to like it, so I was happy for her.

Another twenty minutes later and I was back at our table and sipping on my sixth cup of fruity red punch, talking to a few seniors who wanted to know how my brother was doing, when a girl from Brandon’s party the night before approached me, wanting to dance. Seeing that Haily was actually dancing with Caleb now, I went with the short brunette. But, our dance didn’t last very long. I hadn’t even started to get winded before Caleb suddenly had his arm around my shoulders and he was pulling me away and turning me to face a less populated area of the dance floor, pointing at something that he obviously wanted me to see.

“What is she doing?” he asked over the music, his voice sounding blank.

“Who?” I asked, confused.

“Assface,” Caleb said. “She’s... with... Assface.”

I looked at Caleb, not sure what he was talking about. I figured that it wasn’t good if Jame Graham was involved, but it was the perplexed and incredulous look on Caleb’s face as he stared straight ahead that told me it really wasn’t good. I tried looking again, this time searching the crowd for a familiar face with fat cheeks.

Jame Graham wasn’t very hard to spot. He was the only one in the vicinity terrifying people with his dance moves. His arms were swinging wildly as he hopped up and down aimlessly, and all the while his body wriggled around like a hypnotized cobra. I’d never seen anything like it, and couldn’t quite help the way I laughed. But when Caleb dropped his arm from my shoulders and scowled at me I forced myself to stop and pay more attention. Obviously, it wasn’t Jame’s dancing that was bothering Caleb. In fact, I doubted that Caleb even noticed the dancing since the girl Assface was dancing with happened to be Ronnie. It took me a minute to figure it out. Like Haily, she didn’t really look like herself all dressed up. But, it was Ronnie. Definitely Ronnie. And... Caleb was pissed.

My best friend hadn’t talked about Ronnie lately. Every once in a while, he’d mention that she still wasn’t talking to him, and while he was at it, he’d mention that he didn’t care. But even I noticed the way that his head tended to turn every time we passed her at school. Which is why it was no surprise that he was now speaking through gritted teeth.

“What is she doing?” he wanted to know.

“Caleb...” I said carefully. “Where’s Rebecca?”

“She must really hate me,” Caleb remarked, still staring at Ronnie and Assface, shaking his head now.

“Milo said that Jame was coming with some girl named Veronica,” was all I could think to say.

Caleb frowned at me. “Ronnie’s name is Veronica.”

“Oh... hey! I didn’t know, Caleb,” I stated when he looked at me accusingly. “I didn’t. Maybe she’s just trying to make you jealous,” I suggested. “She was pretty upset when you asked Rebecca to homecoming.”

“She’s not trying to make you jealous,” Haily said, joining the conversation as she appeared on the other side of Caleb. “If she wanted to make you jealous, she would have shown up with anyone else looking like that. It would have worked just fine--and, you would have deserved it.”

“Hey!” Caleb protested, about to cry Judas at Haily.

“Well you would have!” Haily informed him. “You should have been here with Ronnie in the first place. She’s nice Caleb, and you like her. She likes you, too. She’s just mad as hell at you. That’s why she’s trying to piss you off.”

“What?” Caleb demanded. I looked at Haily, as curious as Caleb was. She just rolled her eyes.

“She’s been watching you for the last hour, Caleb,” Haily explained, looking exasperated.

“You saw her with Assface and didn’t tell me?” Caleb demanded, and when his face began to turn red, even under the strobe lights, I found myself moving between my two friends.

“Caleb...” I started.

“I didn’t want you getting into a stupid fight,” Haily informed him. “You know that Jame will just look for reasons to get to you. And you’re with Rebecca--by choice. Deal with it.”

“Haily...” I thought that was a little harsh, true or not.

“Deal with it?” Caleb demanded. “Assface, Haily! Deal with it? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“It means, you blew it, Caleb,” Haily responded. “If you didn’t want Ronnie dancing with him you should have asked her yourself.”

“Maybe I’ll ask her now,” Caleb responded, as if it were supposed to be a threat. He took only one step in Jame and Ronnie’s direction before I grabbed his shoulder.

“Caleb! Don’t,” I insisted, looking at him seriously when he turned to face me. “Please... talk to her later. Just, go find Rebecca.”

“Assface,” Caleb said again, even as I turned him around. Fortunately, Haily was finished scolding him and took it upon herself to help me.

“Come on, Caleb,” she insisted. “We’ll find Rebecca and see when they’re going to do this homecoming thing so we can get out of here. My dress is starting to itch, anyway.”

“I’m gonna use the restroom,” I said. “I’ll catch up to you guys in a few minutes.”

“Hurry up, Nels,” Haily called after me as we separated. “If we can’t leave I wanna dance some more.”

I found myself moving off to the side of the room, out of the way, but with Haily and Caleb gone, I still couldn’t seem to stop watching Ronnie and Jame. It wasn’t exactly my problem, or even my business, but the two of them together... bothered me. I suppose it was fair to say that a large part of that was simply loyalty to Caleb. It was a territorial thing. I felt like someone I didn’t like was stepping on his. Stupid? Most likely. But at least I could admit it. Only, while Jame irritated me in general, I found myself more annoyed towards Ronnie in this situation. Maybe Caleb had made a mistake, but as far as I was concerned, she was just making the whole thing worse.

That’s why I found myself approaching them. I wanted to prevent more trouble before it started. It didn’t exactly occur to me that I could be causing more of it. As I crossed the dance floor, the lights dimmed into a blue hue glowing throughout the room and the music turned slow, making it somewhat easier to navigate my way through the horde of couples as they all paired off and the building was filled with the soft murmur of quiet conversation along with the strong female voice singing through the speakers.

As I reached Ronnie as she danced with Jame, his back was to me, his tall, thin frame almost blocking her out completely. But as the couple slowly turned, I caught sight of Ronnie’s eyes, which were void of glasses tonight as they widened suspiciously on me. I opened my mouth, likely about to piss Jame off by asking to talk to his date. But when I unexpectedly caught sight of a couple not very far from Jame and Ronnie I froze, forgetting any words that I was going to say in the first place.

Obviously no one had explained the half-casual dress code to Milo Trust, who could have been mistaken for a football player in his dark suit. Or maybe he just didn’t care. And why should he? I reasoned. He always looked perfect, anyway. He hadn’t bothered to comb back his dark hair like he had with his dad’s engagement party. Instead, it was loose, framing his face as his emerald eyes sat downcast at the top of the blonde head of the girl who he was dancing with. I recognized that blonde head. Teresa Milldrum looked more elegant than trashy tonight, but she was still Teresa Milldrum. And she was still clinging to Milo. He was encouraging it, the way that he had his arms around her. This was disappointing. Milo Trust, with Teresa Milldrum. He could have shown up with anyone and he picked... her. I didn’t exactly have anything against Teresa. On most occasions, I considered her a friend. Except for the times that she looked at me like she’d seen me naked. That was always awkward. Now, seeing her with Milo was just plain unsettling.

But I decided that I wasn’t jealous. Not really. I just had the sudden urge to stamp my name right on Milo’s ass and fight off Teresa Milldrum and any girl who wanted to put her hands on him the way that she was, sliding her palms from his shoulders to his chest, that’s all. I didn’t care whether or not Milo thought we were together, this just wasn’t working for me.

Maybe I would have lost my mind and said so right there on the dance floor if Milo hadn’t abruptly looked up, his eyes meeting mine beneath the dim lights. I couldn’t really tell how he looked to see me, but I was pretty sure that he wasn’t displeased, and when he started whispering something to Teresa, excusing himself, I came to my senses and glanced back to where Jame and Ronnie were. Ronnie was still staring at me, looking nervous, but Jame hadn’t noticed me yet, and for now, that was probably a good thing. At least it was if I wanted to talk to Milo. I backed away from the situation, confident Milo would come to me, and only moments after I found a vacant table off to the side of the room where light was almost nonexistent, Milo was taking a seat next to me and casually looking out at the dance floor while I watched him openly.

“I didn’t think you were actually going to show up,” I finally said. “I guess you found a date.”

Milo turned his head to face me. “I saw you earlier with Haily. I didn’t wanna interrupt.”

“It wouldn’t have bothered me,” I assured him. “So, I thought Teresa already had a date. How did that work exactly? You called her up and she decided to go with you instead? Doesn’t really seem right if you stole someone else’s date.”

Milo must have sensed something in my tone because he narrowed his eyes on me. “I don’t know anything about that... What’s your problem?”

I regarded him accusingly. “You’re on a date.”

“It’s no different than you being here with Haily,” Milo was quick to respond. I was surprised by the sudden confidence in his voice as he crossed his arms. “I saw you.”

“That’s completely different!” I insisted. “Haily wasn’t trying to breed with me.”

Milo’s jaw dropped. I would have laughed at the expression if I wasn’t trying to be serious. “What are you talking about?” he demanded.

“Teresa. She’s definitely under the impression that she’s on a date.”

“We were just dancing.”

“That was more than dancing.”

“Not to me.”

“Well it was to her,” I informed him. “Trust me.”

“What do you have against her, anyway?” Milo demanded, beginning to sound annoyed. “I thought she was your friend.”

I leaned towards him, lowering my voice as I tried to put my frustrations into words. “We’re together,” I suddenly said.

“What?”

“You said you didn’t know if we were,” I reminded him. “But we are. Me and you. Together.” I wouldn’t have been so put off by Milo showing up with Teresa if we weren’t, I reasoned. There had to be more than just attraction there, if I hated it this much. For some reason, I actually cared about Milo Trust, no matter how difficult he was being.

“Because you say so?” Milo responded, incredulous.

I shrugged. “Yeah. Why not?”

He started to shake his head at me. “You...you’re...”

“I’ve gotta stick around here until they announce the homecoming queen,” I cut him off when he didn’t seem to be getting anywhere. “I was gonna go to Hangman, but I’ll blow it off. Let’s meet somewhere.”

“I have to drive everyone home,” Milo responded, still looking irritated with me. “And I already told Jame we’d stop to eat first. And you can’t just...”

I frowned. “With Teresa? So you’re going on another date with her?”

“I’m not on a date with her!” Milo hissed, exasperated. “Fuck, you’re like... impossible to talk to! And you don’t get to just decide that we’re...together.”

“Until I hear you say otherwise, we are,” I responded reasonably. “Besides, when you’re not avoiding me it kinda feels that way... and you can’t go out with Teresa again.”

Now, Milo just looked pissed. “I’ll go out with whoever I want.”

“You can’t! I had sex with her!” I blurted, and Milo fell silent to stare at me as the anger on his handsome face turned to sheer surprise.

“Did you actually just tell me that?” he finally asked.

I took a moment, replaying the last few exchanges in our conversation and inwardly cringed before I released a breath and met his eyes. “Yeah,” I replied calmly. “It was like a year ago, and we were both wasted, and...”

“Oh, big surprise there!” he remarked.

“So it kind of weirds me out to see my boyfriend show up with her,” I finished, ignoring his outburst.

“Will you shut up?” Milo hissed, looking around as if the only thing that mattered was that no one else had heard that. “You think you’re weirded out?” he started to stand, obviously ready to get away from me, but I grabbed his wrist, just long enough to stop him. He turned to face me, just as I stood, placing us eye to eye. “Nelson, here is not a good place...” Milo started to say, sounding surprisingly calm for someone who looked scared out of his mind.

“I know,” I whispered. “Will you come over? After the dance?”

He let out a breath. “Maybe... and I’m not on a date.”

I felt a smile curling my lips at that. “So are we together?” I asked him, and he frowned at me.

“I thought you already answered that,” he remarked, and I sighed.

“I know--it would just be cool if I could hear it from you.”

It would also be nice to know if I was actually going to see Milo later tonight. But I didn’t tell him that as I passed him, taking a moment to make sure my shoulder brushed against his while I inhaled the faint, clean scent of his cologne. I took another glance back at him, meeting his eyes, but I said nothing more as I walked away. I figured that if Milo met me later, nothing more would need to be said, anyway. If he didn’t... then I guess I’d know where we stood. But, I was confident.

It didn’t surprise me when Milo caught up to me as I crossed the dance floor, since we were both headed in the same direction. It was more difficult to avoid moving bodies during a faster song, but we managed as Milo watched me suspiciously and I pretended not to notice.

“Where are you going now?” he finally asked.

“I need to talk to Ronnie real quick.”

“Who?”

“Uh, Veronica,” I explained. “Jame’s date.”

Milo made sure to step a foot ahead of me, then, and turned to face me warily without stopping. “Why?”

“Look, it’s no big deal, okay? I just wanna make sure she’s not trying to start any trouble.”

“What are you talking about?” Milo demanded.

I sighed. “She’s only here with Jame because Caleb didn’t ask her and she thinks it’ll get to him. It’s kinda working, too.”

Milo suddenly turned, stopping me with a hand to the chest, and looking more frustrated that he had when I’d suggested that Teresa wanted to have his babies. “Are you shitin’ me?” he demanded. “You think she’s only here with Jame to make Caleb jealous?”

“Yes,” I said. I thought it was completely reasonable.

“Because there’s no fucking way that she’d come with Jame because she actually likes him?” Milo’s tone was laced with sarcasm, and definitely a warning for me.

“I didn’t say she does or doesn’t like him. Maybe she does, I don’t know,” I replied. “But that doesn’t change that she’s trying to get to Caleb.” I walked around Milo, continuing on my way, and he moved right along with me.

“Not everything’s about you and your friends, Nelson,” he said hotly. “What the hell do you plan to do?”

“Yeah, what do you plan to do, Larmont?” An obnoxious, self-assured voice sounded from behind me and I turned, frowning at Jame with his objectionable smile and fat cheeks. Ronnie was right behind him, reaching to pull him back.

“Jame, don’t,” she hissed, and then looked at me. “I can be here with whoever I want, okay?”

I looked at Ronnie. She seemed nervous, and about ready to crawl into a dark corner to hide. “That’s not my problem,” I told her. “This isn’t the way to get his attention, Ronnie.” And, it wasn’t. Mostly, because she was drawing the wrong kind of attention from Caleb. I knew my friend. Maybe he was irritated with Ronnie now, but it probably wouldn’t take much to turn that frustration towards her into anger towards Jame. Maybe Caleb wouldn’t hit a girl if his life depended on it, but Assface was a completely different story, and that wasn’t a headache I needed tonight.

“Look, this is stupid,” Milo said, looking at Ronnie. “Will you just tell him that you’re not trying to get anyone’s attention? He thinks you’re here to make Caleb jealous.”

“You act like that’ll make him leave us alone,” Jame remarked, smirking at me. “Don’t you have someone else to pester, asshole?”

I narrowed my eyes at Assface, but Milo ignored him and looked to Ronnie expectantly. Milo seemed to be the only one surprised when she avoided his eyes and looked away, blushing. When Milo realized that he was the only one seeming bothered by Ronnie’s lack of response, he looked at Jame. “This doesn’t bother you?” Milo demanded.

“Hey, I tried to tell her that Caleb was just another asshole,” Jame responded, placing a hand on Ronnie’s shoulder, but Ronnie shook him off.

“Just shut up, Jame,” she pleaded.

“That would be a good idea,” I agreed, and Jame took a threatening step towards me. He was taller, and I had to look up, but it didn’t bother me so much as the strong urge to hit him did. It faded, though, when Milo was suddenly between us, pushing Jame back.

“Knock it off,” Milo stated. “Jame...”

“Tell him that,” Jame responded, gesturing towards me. “He’s the one that won’t leave us alone, Milo! Why the fuck is he always hanging around, anyway?”

I’m not sure what I expected from Milo, but I looked to him, anyway. I knew exactly how I would have handled this situation with my friends. I had handled this situation with my friends. But apparently, Milo didn’t even know where to start as he looked at me, rather desperately. I just stared back, feeling my stomach knot as I waited for him to say something. Anything.

I was suddenly feeling very uncomfortable, standing there, waiting. It’s not like I wanted him to out himself. I didn’t want him to out me, either, but if it was that hard for him to tell his friends that we were friends.... That he liked me; that he didn’t want me to leave him alone... I needed to hear something from him.

“Nelson, please just leave.”

That’s not what I wanted to hear. Not coming from Milo. I think I was stunned by it. For a whole minute, I just stared at him, not sure what felt worse. The way he’d called me a sick fuck, or this.

“Good, now go away, or I’ll make you go away,” Jame threatened. I would have liked to see him try. Jame didn’t scare me, but it probably looked that way when I took a step back, finally tearing my eyes away from Milo who at least had the decency to look ashamed of himself, to look at Ronnie again.

“Caleb does like you,” I told her quietly, not really liking the way that my voice was suddenly shaking. “You’ve just... gotta corner him. Talk... Making him mad isn’t going to help anything.”

Ronnie didn’t respond to that. She only avoided my eyes. It was strange, because I didn’t even really know her, but between her and Milo, I don’t think I’d ever felt more unwelcome in my life. I was almost grateful when Teresa appeared to attach herself to Milo’s arm, just because she smiled at me.

“Hey, Nelson. What’s going on?” she asked, looking around, likely confused over the long faces and Jame’s glare.

I just flashed a small, forced smile at Teresa, and decided that someone else could explain it to her as I turned and did exactly what Milo had asked me to. I left.

I didn’t leave the dance. I went back to my own table where Joe ignored me to make out with Kelly until Haily found me and said that she’d managed to get Caleb to calm down. She didn’t understand why I wasn’t happier about that, or why I suddenly seemed so tired when she wanted to dance again and all I did was stand there with my head on her shoulder until she became worried and started pestering me about what my problem was. I didn’t tell her, of course. I was too busy trying not to look in the direction where I’d last seen Milo. It wasn’t very easy trying to explain to myself that maybe, we weren’t together after all.

.....................................

Rebecca was crowned homecoming queen at the end of the night, and then she became irritated with Caleb when he thought it was a bigger deal that I was skipping Hangman to go home. I blamed it on my hangover, and that I didn’t want another one. Which was true. I wanted to be completely sober when I called Milo tonight to tell him just how much I thought he sucked. I had it all planned out. He was going to answer his phone, and I was going to say: Milo, you suck. Because he did. And what he’d done sucked. And it wasn’t at all fair that we could be seen as friends up until the point that it became inconvenient for him. Like when Jame Graham showed up. I hated Jame. Assface. I’d probably tell Milo that, too. But of course, before I got to tell him any of this he had to show up and ruin my plans.

I arrived home alone, feeling somewhat lethargic as I stepped out of my car onto the gravel driveway. It was cold enough to see my breath in front of my face as I slammed my door and headed towards the house. The porch light was on and my parents were home, and when I got in, I imagined that I’d call Chad before I called Milo. If I explained to him what had happened, there was a good chance that either he or Leanna could offer me some perspective. They usually did. But I hadn’t even reached the front porch before I was lifting my arm to shield my eyes from bright headlights moving down the driveway. I watched as the shadow of a car parked next to my own vehicle, and the lights went out before a familiar figure emerged, moving towards me until I could see Milo’s face, lit by the glow of light coming from the house. For once, I wasn’t happy, or even relieved to see him.

“What do you want?” I asked shortly. He wasn’t supposed to be there. He was supposed to be at home, waiting for me to call so I could tell him he sucked.

Milo frowned at my tone, stopping a good three feet from me as he slid his hands into his pockets, looking uncertain but determined as I watched him swallow, and his green eyes met mine directly. “We are... together,” he said, and that was enough to get my attention as I crossed my arms against the cold and regarded him curiously. “I mean... I want to try to be,” he continued. “But it goes both ways, Nelson. You want to convince people we’re friends, so it doesn’t look so fucked when we look at each other, I get that. And, I get that you want me to hang out with you and your friends--I’m trying with that. But you have to try, too. Jame is my friend. How am I supposed to explain to him that you and me are cool if all you and your friends ever do is treat him like shit? I know he can be a jerk,” Milo said quickly, when I was about to object. “But no more than Caleb... or anyone else, including you.”

“Me?” I demanded.

“You,” he confirmed.

I narrowed my eyes, ready to open my mouth and explain to him just which one of us was acting like a jerk, but as he continued to regard me seriously I stopped, and just stared back at him.

Despite feeling angry towards him, I considered what he was telling me. I guess I could even understand it, because parts of it, I felt were true. I did want him to hang out with my friends. I wanted Milo to have as much fun with them as I did, and I guess I could understand why he’d be upset if I didn’t attempt the same with his. Only, Jame Graham... well, he was Assface.

“Milo, with Jame it’ll never work...”

“I’m not expecting you to like him,” Milo cut me off. “Just give him a reason to understand why you and me could be... friends. Otherwise, I’m going to start wondering why we are.”

“Are we friends?” I asked Milo, wondering why it was so hard to convince everyone else if it was true.

“I don’t know,” Milo admitted. “I think... we’re something else. We’re just, together.”

I’d wanted to hear him say that. Now he had, twice in the last five minutes. I would have enjoyed it a lot more, though, if I wasn’t still thinking about what he’d said about Jame Graham, and if I didn’t have a sinking feeling that Milo’s request was going to make things a lot more complicated. For me.