With Trust - 10. Change

Apparently when you’re out of high school, things like social cliques, who’s making who jealous, and worrying about why someone would want to make someone else jealous were things that you were supposed to stop caring about, according to my brother.

Sunday morning after homecoming, I’d gone to an early lunch with my Chad after church, at the same greasy hamburger place I’d taken Milo to. I told my brother everything that had happened the night before, and when he wasn’t rolling his eyes at me, he was telling me that I should take it easy when it came to Milo. Chad was under the impression that a lot of things that I was worried about, such as worrying about proving to Milo that things could work between us, given the circumstances, was not something that should be occupying my mind. Chad reasoned that if Milo kept coming to me, and said himself that we were together, things were already working out. His advice was to be myself, go with my gut, and take things one day at a time. I guess that was easier for him to say than for me to do.

I hadn’t really felt like myself for the last week. Not with the confusion of trying to figure out where we were going, or what Milo wanted from me. The jealousy I’d experienced at the dance the night before hadn’t been pleasant, either. It wasn’t just seeing Milo with Teresa. It had taken a while for me to realize it, but I was jealous of Jame, too. I guess in a way, Milo asking me to leave in front of him like that, and then what Milo had said when he showed up at my house the night before, gave me the impression that if he had to make the choice, Milo would choose Jame over me, and that was something that he’d been trying to point out. Admittedly, I’d been put out by that until Chad asked me what I’d do if Milo asked me to choose between him and Caleb. Since I could say with a great amount of certainty that I’d tell him to shove it if that ever happened, I guessed that I could understand where Milo was coming from. But I still felt a little better when Chad mentioned that it was a pity that it was Jame who Milo had to be friends with. My brother had never really liked Jame, either. As far as I was concerned, that was saying a lot because generally, Chad liked everyone, and everyone liked Chad.

As far as my gut went, I had no idea what it was telling me to do. All I knew was that lately, it was twisted into either knots or butterflies because all I ever really thought about was Milo Trust. I found myself wondering if that was the feeling I’d longed for when I had no possibility of having it, or if this was something entirely different. It was hard waking up every morning, wondering whether or not I’d see him, and worrying over whether or not he’d be happy about it if I did. And there was so much frustration there, too. Sometimes I’d wonder why I even bothered with him, but then he’d do something as silly as smile in my direction, and all I wanted to do was get to know him better. Or touch him. I felt like I couldn’t get enough of either.

I wanted to take things one day at a time. I’d been accomplishing that, I guess. But, I’d never really had someone to take things one day at a time with before. Even if I was succeeding, though, it still didn’t stop me from crawling into bed every night wondering if today was the day that Milo was going to decide that he was going to stop talking to me because trying was too hard for him.

But I wanted to try. If we were together, I wanted to try. I wanted to act like it, and stop worrying about what happened next because in all actuality, that really wasn’t like me. Be myself. Chad was right, being myself had gotten me this far with Milo. That’s where I needed to start, I thought.

So, on Sunday afternoon when I received a surprise phone call from Milo, I took the very short phone conversation in stride as he nervously asked me if I wanted to meet him at Hangman. I decided it was very foolish if he ever thought I’d say no to him. I didn’t even ask why when he told me to bring a sketchbook, or grudgingly point out that it was ten degrees with the wind-chill that day. I simply bundled up in two sweaters, my heavy blue coat and beanie--all over my long underwear--and headed down to Hangman Cove as requested, where I met Milo, forced myself to relax, and did my best to be myself.

We were sitting away from the water, beneath the trees in moist piles of leaves that had been stomped into the ground; but at least we were out of the wind. It was the first time in a long while that I’d been to the Cove when there was actually no one there. And no one, meant no one. It seemed that only Milo was crazy enough to be there, in the shade, on a pile of wet leaves with the white sand blowing and waves hitting the shoreline that seemed too big for any lake to have, beneath a dark, overcast sky. And me. I was probably crazy to be out in this weather, too, but I’d wanted to see him, even if it was just to watch him draw. He’d brought his sketch pad, too, and he’d barely looked up from it when I’d found him beneath the trees. I’d spent the first five minutes being there complaining that it was too cold to be outside, and expressing how horrified I was that Milo wasn’t even wearing a proper coat. Just a faded gray t-shirt, worn at the seams, and a matching beanie that held his hair down around his face. He’d definitely been there for some time before I arrived. His nose and lips were red, and his eyes looked watery from the wind, but he didn’t seem at all ready to leave as his hand moved busily over his paper, drawing everything that he saw. When I asked him to let me buy him some hot soup or something, just so we could get out of there, he’d finally just told me to leave if I wanted to. I gave up and dropped my jacket over his shoulders, deciding that I was better protected from the weather in my layers than he was in that worn-out sweater.

He hadn’t objected to that. He’d even pulled the coat further over his shoulders; and as silly as it seemed, the small gesture had me feeling pretty good. Good, but cold, as I finally took a seat next to him and leaned into his side, against the arm that he wasn’t using to draw with. It was odd, but it was the first time that I realized Milo was left-handed, all because I had no problem doodling in my own book being so close to him.

While he sketched the terrain, I of course, took the opportunity to draw him. Only, my drawings were more cartoonish and I’d envisioned him without his hat, the sky warmer, and the wind blowing through his hair. I didn’t draw for long. It was too hard to draw with my thick gloves on, and too cold to leave them off. So, I started talking. About anything, really. Nothing about the night before was even mentioned, but that could have been because Milo wasn’t very talkative at all when he was sketching. For a while I didn’t even think he was paying attention to me until I made a comment about it being so cold that I was pretty sure my dick was inverted from shrinkage and he laughed out loud. We’d been there for an hour before his hand finally started to slow over his sketch pad and I took to doing anything that might irritate him enough to get him to hurry up and finish.

“Just say it,” I insisted.

“No,” he responded flatly, glancing at me sidelong before his green eyes were back on his work.

“It’s just two little words,” I stated. “Boy-friend.” I leaned closer to him, so that my breath hit his neck when I spoke, causing him to shudder as I lowered my voice. “You’re my boyfriend.”

I was being corny. Disgustingly so. But, it was fun imagining that he was blushing beneath his already red cheeks.

“Says you,” he responded quietly, but I saw a slight smile curling the corner of his mouth.

“Says me,” I agreed. “Now you say it.” I clapped my hands for emphasis, and Milo laughed, finally closing his book and tucking his pencil away as he tilted his head in my direction.

“I’m going home,” he announced, and I frowned at that. “If you’re not busy, you can follow me.”

I raised a frozen eyebrow at him. “I can follow you home?”

Milo just rolled his eyes at me as he stood up, passing back my coat as he collected his things; but he was still smiling, and I did, in fact, follow him home. His house was dark as usual, but warm. The entire way there I’d had my heater running, and I was still frozen solid as I followed Milo--to his kitchen this time, rather than his room. Like the rest of his house, it was rather plain, white in color, and seeming as sterile as my dentist’s office. There wasn’t even an appliance left out on the counters, except for the microwave. I made myself comfortable on one of the four black bar stools surrounding the island counter at the center of the room, which seemed to serve as the Trust’s kitchen table; and when Milo mentioned that he could use a hot shower, I told him that he could go ahead and take one, so long as I could watch. It was easier to see him blush now that he was warming up.

There was no shower, to my very voiced disappointment, but I didn’t mind watching as Milo rummaged around the kitchen, obviously having no idea where anything was. I was amused by this as he explained to me that it was Juanita’s territory, and with her around he rarely needed to know where anything was, anyway. At least, not a pot that he wanted to heat up some soup in because he swore it tasted better that way, instead of heated in the microwave. I became even more amused that he started heating up two portions even though I kept telling him that I wasn’t hungry. It didn’t really seem like Milo to push anything. That was my job, so it was an interesting change of pace when he talked me into trying a soup that Juanita made that he called Gazpacho. It looked red and chunky, and less than appetizing, but as it heated, it at least smelled good.

“Is your dad still gone?” I asked Milo as I watched him use a sponge to clean up a few drops of soup that had spilled over the stove.

“He got back this morning. Emily talked him into looking at some wedding stuff,” Milo replied, glancing over his shoulder at me as he pulled off his beanie and shook his hair out.

“So where’s Juanita?” I asked.

“Her mom’s in a nursing home,” Milo explained. “On Sundays she goes to read to her.”

“Oh... so, what’s her deal, anyway?”

“Juanita’s?” Milo replied as he slid onto a stool across from me.

“Yeah, like does she really not understand anything I say? What’s the deal with that?” I asked as I pulled off my own hat and ran my hand over my hair, not really caring that from the feel of it, it was sticking up in places.

“If you talk slow she usually understands,” Milo replied, shrugging. “I mean, she knows enough to get by.”

“So why doesn’t she speak enough English to get by?” I asked. “Wouldn’t it be easier?”

Milo smirked at that. “For who?” he replied. “She figures it would be easier if everyone learned Spanish.”

“Right,” I said, rolling my eyes. “So, you’ve known her a while? I mean, you said she’s not the housekeeper, so... what does she do?”

“She’s just part of the family,” Milo said simply. But when I continued to stare at him, waiting expectantly, he continued, “My mom hired Juanita, about two years before my parents divorced. At first it was because my parents were both working all the time, like my dad does now. I remember my mom was always home in time for dinner, but I kinda started hating all of the after-school programs they kept placing me in. My mom got Juanita to sit with me--she thought it would be a good idea to introduce me to a foreign language, and Juanita was really nice...” Milo paused, taking a moment to glare at me, as if he’d predicted the way that my nose turned up at that last statement. “She is nice. And anyway, she started doing other stuff around the house, cooking meals, or staying longer than she had to. My parents started paying her for that, too, and then when my mom got pregnant... well, Juanita was around all the time.”

“I thought you were an only child,” I interrupted.

“I am,” he said quietly. “My mom lost the baby....” I frowned over at him, watching as he scratched at the counter in front of him with his index finger. “I don’t remember a whole lot, just, that’s when my parents started fighting a lot. Everything was just... sad, for a while. Then my mom just left.”

“She didn’t even say anything to you?”

“No. She did,” Milo replied. “I mean, I think she tried to make me understand... At first she just moved out of the house and I was moving back and forth... but then she started traveling. My dad kinda took the whole thing pretty hard. He’d take off for weeks and leave me with Juanita. One day he came home from his office and said we were moving to promote this neighborhood, but he was never around to help with any of it. Juanita took care of it all, and when we got into the new house, she just picked a bedroom and moved in with us.” Milo laughed to himself, and looked up to meet my eyes, seeming amused. “When my dad asked her what she was doing, she just told him that he was too stupid to live by himself. But I think... she was sticking around for me. Back then, she and my dad always pretended that they couldn’t stand each other, but when I got older, and didn’t need her as much, he kept looking for reasons to keep her around--it’s the only thing I ever wanted to thank him for,” Milo finished, sounding bitter.

“You really don’t get along with him?”

“I do when he leaves me alone,” Milo remarked, and when I regarded him inquisitively, he explained. “After my mom left, it was like he just didn’t care. I mean, he never really even took the time to... to do anything. It’s like, he wants to forget that he’s supposed to be a dad except for when he sees I need to improve with something, or when he’s telling me that I shouldn’t be picking up a paint brush when I could be studying. I mean, he didn’t even tell me that he was going to ask Emily to marry him. I found out when the announcement showed up in the paper.”

“Ouch,” I said, and Milo nodded. He seemed troubled, maybe even a little angry, which was interesting to see because for once it wasn’t directed towards me. But he masked the look with indifference just as quickly as it had appeared.

“I think the soup’s ready,” he announced, suddenly standing up. “Um... you should really try it.”

I explained to Milo that I’d only eaten a few hours ago with my brother and really wasn’t that hungry; but when he’d pointed out that the soup was hot and my lips were still blue, I gave in, only to find that looking at the concoction was hard enough. I wasn’t sure I actually wanted to eat it. It looked like a bowl of tomato chunkyness. Only, none of the chunks looked like actual tomatoes. Usually I was up for trying new things, but since I wasn’t particularly hungry, and this looked less than appetizing, it seemed to be a struggle as I stirred the steaming mix with a spoon. It was then that I was introduced to a much more playful side of Milo than I’d ever seen in class when he moved behind me to cover my eyes with his hands, telling me that I should try it without looking at it. I’d laughed, and did as he said, deciding that this gazpacho wasn’t so bad, and most of the chunks were just vegetable, although I was pretty sure that I tasted a hint of seafood every so often as Milo finally took a seat next to me and we slowly ate.

I was the one who led our conversation for the most part, teasing him about how crazy he was to sit out in the cold for so long, just to draw, and asking him about other things that he liked to do for fun. He mentioned swimming, or just being on the lake during the summer, which wasn’t something unusual for people in Heywell. And it didn’t really surprise me when Milo explained that he had a better time on Saturday nights home alone and watching movies, rather than going out with his friends, but I still found myself paying close attention as he explained that he never really liked crowds. He liked things quiet, and simple... and maybe even a little boring. I was nothing like that, I knew. At least, on most weekends I couldn’t sit still, knowing that there was a crowd out there waiting for me. But, I thought, I might just enjoy a quiet, boring night alone with Milo Trust.

I left his house around the time Juanita showed up, feeling a little annoyed with myself because we’d been alone for quite a while and I hadn’t even tried to kiss him. But, despite missing that, I left smiling. I hadn’t known what to expect when Milo had asked me to meet him. At the very least, I thought the issues we’d confronted the night before would have come back to haunt me, but they never even came up. I hadn’t even kissed him, but for the first time since meeting Milo Trust, I felt like we really were... together.

.....................................................

It was just beginning to get dark outside of the large windows in the kitchen, but there was enough light to see that the wind was still attacking the dried grass in the field, and the now-barren apple trees. I could see my dad outside, too. He had a lead around the goat and was trying to get it into the shed for the night. There was the sound of the piano coming from the family room, the parrot squawking along with it as my mom played, and the house was warm with the sweet scent of freshly baked sugar cookies and the more earthy scent of pumpkins. It was the latter that more strongly flooded my nostrils as I used my fingers to scrape out the last of the six pumpkins Chad had picked out.

Usually, my brother and I would do our annual pumpkin carving about two weeks before Halloween. But since homecoming had come late this year; Chad’s schedule was busier with his college courses; and I’d been preoccupied as of late; we found ourselves over the long table in the kitchen three nights before the holiday, which was this Wednesday. But then, it had only been this morning that my parents had decorated our front porch with the ghost lights, fake cobwebs, cackling witch and the pop-open vampire coffin that no longer actually popped. It just kind of sat there.

My brother was across from me, looking focused as he finished carving out a cat wearing a witches’ hat pattern into one of the larger jack-o’-lanterns. Chad had a new dye job in his hair. It was still pink, but looked darker than it had when I’d had lunch with him.

He was definitely the better pumpkin carver, which is why he did the actual cutting while I stuck to drawing the patterns for him and cleaning. Of course, most of what I cleaned ended up on me, I noticed, as I looked down at my pumpkin-stained t-shirt and hands. He kept telling me to use the spoon--every year, in fact. But somehow, that had always felt like cheating to me.

I’d just finished telling Chad about my day with Milo. I was definitely in a better mood than I’d been in during lunch, and it didn’t go unnoticed by him as he teased me the way I’d teased him every time he’d ever had a new girlfriend. I’m sure he considered it payback, but truth be told, I kind of liked it.

I went to the sink to wash my hands before I lifted a black marker and drew a skeleton-head pattern onto the last pumpkin, which was more watermelon shaped than anything, before I passed it to Chad, all the while telling him how I was skipping dinner tonight to go catch a movie with my friends. They were all still a little put off that I hadn’t joined them at Hangman the night before, and I figured that going out with them would assure everyone that there was nothing wrong with me. Besides, I hadn’t talked to Caleb all day, and I wanted to make sure that he wasn’t still too upset over seeing Ronnie and Jame together. When the doorbell rang just as Chad started to carve into the last pumpkin, I found myself groaning, having just dipped my hands into the slimy, stringy mush that I’d been digging out of our jack-o’-lanterns for the last hour. Chad and I always picked out the seeds and roasted them. No one really ate them but my dad, but it was tradition, nonetheless.

It was my brother who looked in the direction that the piano music was coming from. “Mom!” he called, likely hoping that she was around to answer the front door. I just shook my head, dropping all of the pulp onto a paper plate in front of me.

“It’s okay,” I insisted. “I’ll get it.”

I washed my hands again, this time making sure to get the gunk off my forearms, too, and as I headed through the house to answer the door, the bell rang twice more, making me wonder if Caleb had shown up early. He was the only one who’d really ring repeatedly if it was cold. If it was really cold, he’d just walk in. No one minded, and I was pretty sure the door was unlocked, so I had no idea why he wouldn’t be doing that now. But when I opened the door, it seemed to make sense that Caleb wasn’t walking into my house because Caleb wasn’t there at all.

There was a woman on our front porch, no longer ringing the bell, but inspecting the ugly, green cackling witch hanging to the left of the door. She’d figured out that there were motion detectors connected to the witch’s sharp laughter, and she’d taken to waving a thin, manicured hand in front of it, seeming strangely amused.

I cocked my head at her. From the side, she looked somewhat familiar and for a long moment I struggled to remember where I’d seen her before. She was a petite woman, wearing high-heeled boots that gave her an extra three inches, and she was bundled in a long, black wool coat that matched a more stylish beanie-type hat over her head, covering shoulder length dark hair. It was when she turned her dark eyes, sharp eyebrows and enthusiastic smile on me that I suddenly remembered who she was and straightened, quite frankly shocked to find this particular woman standing on my front porch. She seemed equally surprised to see me as she released a small gasp and her smile became even wider over her pearl-white teeth.

“Bobby!” she exclaimed.

Well, that was just lovely, I thought as I forced a tight smile in her direction. I’d only met her once, it was months ago, and she had to go off and remember my name. Or rather, the one I’d given her. I tried to correct this--somewhat.

“Oh... it’s Nelson,” I told her, and when she looked openly confused by that, I added, against my better judgment, “Bobby Nelson... people usually call me Nelson. Or Nels... uh... Bobby’s okay, too. I guess.” I inwardly cringed, wondering if she was actually going to let me continue rambling like an idiot as she stared at me inquisitively. Finally, she just smiled again.

“You’re one of Milo’s friends, right?”

“Yes, yes I am,” I said quickly, hoping to God that that moment of awkwardness had passed permanently.

“And you live here?” she asked me curiously.

“Um... yeah.”

She beamed at that, seeming delighted over the idea. “Well isn’t that something!”

“Yeah, that’s something,” I replied, nodding as I continued to stare at her.

“I’m here to look at the property,” she said, as if I was supposed to know exactly what she meant by that. Obviously confused, I raised an eyebrow.

“Huh?”

“Who’s at the door?” my mother’s curious voice came from behind me, and I looked back at her, dressed in her thick plaid sweatshirt with her hair pulled back into a bun, still feeling rather taken off guard.

“She is,” I said stupidly, pointing at Emily Hill.

My mom took one look at Emily and then frowned at me. “It’s freezing out there. Are you going to move so she can come in?” she wanted to know. I blushed at that, looking at our guest sheepishly as I moved aside.

“Oh, thank you,” Emily said, still smiling as she stepped into our house and held out her hand for my mother. “You must be Mrs. Nelson.”

My mother blinked at that, and then regarded me suspiciously. I did my best to look like the picture of innocence. It was a good thing that my mom wasn’t one for asking questions when a certain amount of prudence was required. She smiled back at Emily as she took her hand. “Pamela,” my mom insisted. “And you are?” My mom threw me another disapproving look after that question; obviously, she thought that my manners had left something to be desired this evening.

“Emily Hill. Our boys are friends,” she explained, sending a friendly look in my direction. I found myself unable to return it, suddenly put off by how she put that. I couldn’t help thinking that Milo wouldn’t be very happy if he knew that she was referring to him as her boy, and for that reason, it bothered me.

For my mom’s part, she looked confused, so I pulled myself together and did my best to explain. “She means Milo,” I said. “Um... Mrs. Hill is... Mr. Trust’s fiancée.”

My mom’s eyes widened slightly at that, and this time when she looked at me it was for an explanation. All I could do was give a quick shrug because I was just as confused as she was.

“Oh, well, come in,” my mom insisted, ushering Emily into the house. “Can I offer you something to drink? Coffee, maybe? Nelson, close the door, you’re letting a draft in.”

I did as I was told, and moved quickly to catch up with my mom and Emily, ready to trail along behind them so I could figure out exactly what was going on.

“Coffee sounds great,” Emily replied. “Thank you.”

“May I ask what brings you out here?” my mother asked curiously, glancing back at me again. She probably assumed that it was something to do with Milo.

“Well,” Emily explained, “Evie Cane from the florists’ gave me your address. She mentioned coming to a wedding here and said that your property’s just beautiful, and since Thom isn’t interested in a chapel wedding we’ve been looking at alternative locations all day. So far nothing’s been large enough and I was hoping to take a look at your property.”

“Oh,” my mom replied, less excited about this than I would have expected her to be. In fact, she seemed a little intimidated. I could understand intimidation. There was no way in hell I wanted to explain to Milo that a woman he didn’t care for had stopped by to talk about the wedding that he so obviously detested. “My brother had his wedding here,” my mother explained. “Sheriff Ray Bennete?” The look on Emily Hill’s face suggested that she didn’t know him, so my mother continued, “Also, a friend of mine, Jessica Strocker had hers here... I’m not sure what you had in mind, but I don’t think...”

“Oh, my!” Emily suddenly cut in as we reached the kitchen and she caught the view out the windows. Chad looked up from where he was placing t-lights in our pumpkins and raised his eyebrows. “It’s huge... I’ll bet it’s gorgeous in the summer!”

“Well, yes it is,” my mother replied, just as Emily finally noticed Chad. He was short, but kind of hard not to notice if you asked me. “This is my oldest son, Chad,” my mom introduced. “Chad, meet Emily Hill, soon to be Mrs. Emily Trust.”

Emily looked pleased with that introduction and reached out to shake Chad’s hand, after which my brother looked to me curiously. I shrugged at him as Emily asked my mom just how many boys she had.

“Just these two, and they’re enough,” my mom assured her, while looking between Chad and me fondly. “Nels, do you mind putting on some coffee?”

Yes, I minded. Especially since my mom was leading Emily to the back door, and if they were going outside, I wanted to know what was being said. But once again, I did as I was asked while my mother did, in fact, escort Emily out the back door where she introduced her to my father. I did my best to eavesdrop as the three of them stood out in the cold for several minutes with the door cracked open. My brother proved to be productive. Rather than distracting me with questions, he eavesdropped, too, and even plugged in the coffee maker, which I’d neglected to do.

Emily Hill. I wasn’t sure what to think of this at all. I knew I didn’t like it, though, when she started talking about a summer wedding and asking about available parking near our house. Milo wouldn’t like this, and that’s what bothered me. Honestly, Emily seemed like a very personable lady to me, but obviously he disliked her. I’d just started to get him to meet me outside of school. Boyfriend. Mine. That’s what he was, as far as I was concerned. It was a new concept, one that I liked very much after spending time with him today. I hated to think about how he could very well shy away from me and my home if my family got involved in this wedding. I kept shaking my head, wishing I could flag down my parents, until Chad finally dragged me away, ordering me to relax as we set up our carved pumpkins on the front steps. By the time we got back inside, Emily was in the living room with her coffee, talking to my parents as if they were old friends. She was talking about introducing them to Thompson Trust; and by the time I changed my clothes and reluctantly left to meet my friends, I was not at all reassured by the fact that she was still there.

..............................................

Sometimes it was better to avoid a problem, I decided. On Monday, I only saw Milo in school, but didn’t bother to mention Emily to him at all. I convinced myself that it wasn’t necessary--yet.

Last night after getting home, I’d mentioned to my parents that I wasn’t very comfortable with Mr. Trust having his wedding in our backyard. But apparently, it would be rude to tell them no if they wanted to use our field. According to both my mom and my dad, there was nothing to worry about right now because Emily would have to discuss things with Mr. Trust. Plus, they were still looking at locations. So... there was nothing to worry about. Yet. I figured it was a good enough reason not to give Milo news that he wouldn’t want to hear. Besides, how could I, when on Monday he didn’t scowl at all when he found me waiting at his locker throughout the day? In fact, he looked happy to see me. Even the one time that he had Jame with him. Which brought me to a more urgent dilemma that needed tending to.

If there was one thing I’d figured out since homecoming, it was that Caleb was still perturbed over Ronnie and Jame showing up together. Just as I’d imagined, he’d stopped being frustrated with Ronnie long enough to get pissed off at Jame. He was convinced that Jame had been with Ronnie to get to him, just as much as Ronnie had been with Jame for the same reason. I wasn’t about to tell him that he was right. He also wasn’t attempting to talk to Ronnie about this. Caleb wasn’t getting much pity from Haily, Joe or me over this situation, either. We all agreed that it was his own fault. He’s the one who blew off a girl he liked. Hell, now that homecoming was over he didn’t even seem interested in Rebecca in the slightest. He hadn’t even said anything when we all saw her flirting with Derek Oton, our crowned homecoming king, at lunch.

Haily did, though. Not about Rebecca. She had a few choice words over Derek, though. Apparently, she’d given him her number, but now regretted it. That was a disappointment for me. I’d been relieved when Haily began to show an interest in another guy. I learned that Joe and Kelly were now exclusive. It made sense, since every time I saw him, I saw her, too. There had been a time that I hated it when he brought girls around. I’d had a crush, and it was hard to see him with anyone. But it hadn’t compared to the annoyance I’d felt seeing Milo with Teresa at homecoming. And it didn’t bother me at all to see Joe and Kelly together. I finally understood what they were feeling, beginning a relationship. No one would find Milo Trust sitting in my lap during lunch, but I still had him. Or, he had me. That sounded more accurate, I think, since by Tuesday, I was again worrying about actually keeping Milo.

It was Jame. He hadn’t been happy to see me on Monday, and mentioned the confrontation at the dance, asking why I couldn’t take a hint. When Milo started talking to me, he’d looked put off by it, while I just ignored him. I may have ignored him, but I still hadn’t forgotten what Milo told me. Jame was his friend. I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with the guy or anything, but Milo wanted me to tolerate him. He wanted me to be nice. To Assface. There were several reasons why this request was difficult. Starting with Jame being the biggest reason of all.

Assface made it nearly impossible to even endure him. I think the most obnoxious thing was that he was actually attempting to draw attention from my friends when he wasn’t with Milo. On Tuesday morning we spotted him in the courtyard with Ronnie. It looked like the two of them were finishing up last-minute homework, but when Jame saw us he put his arm around her and smirked almost challengingly at Caleb. This irritated me, had Haily insisting that the idiot had some sort of death wish, and Joe shaking his head--especially when to Caleb’s credit, he walked away from the situation. This wasn’t really like my best friend, since Jame was so obviously trying to piss him off, and it was working. But I think it had something to do with the way that Ronnie had become frustrated with Jame and actually shoved him off that brought Caleb to ignore the situation. I guess whatever it was, I was happy about it. It was going to be difficult enough to be nice to Jame when he was such a complete prick that I didn’t need the added stress of worrying about Caleb wanting to kick his ass. It was bad enough that I was just about ready to take a swing at our school’s fattest face, especially on Tuesday when I had a few extra minutes to meet my friends before lunch, and went to Milo’s locker to see if I could catch him.

He was standing in front of his locker with his backpack at his feet as he held a folded-over notebook as he wrote in it. The fluorescent light had caught his hair and it seemed lighter, almost golden, as a pair of sunglasses held it back like a headband. His thick black jacket was open and the dark blue t-shirt beneath clung to him just as well as his jeans clung to his ass. He seemed tidier somehow, lacking the old hoodies that he so often liked to wear. He didn’t notice me coming and I lightly poked at his ribs as I passed him, disrupting his hand as it moved over his notebook. He seemed mildly irritated with that, but his expression lightened as he turned to face me when I leaned against the locker next to his.

“What’re you doing for lunch?” I asked him.

“Pizza,” he replied as he closed up his book and stacked it neatly in his locker with the rest of them, and for a moment, I thought about talking my friends into going to Ozario’s, instead of Hollander’s.

“What are you doing later?” I asked him.

“I’ll be home,” he said as he closed his locker and then turned to lean his back against it, so that he was next to me. It was difficult not to lean towards him, the way he smelled like he’d just come out of the shower and walked straight through sandalwood smoke.

I met his eyes, smiling. “Do you have a Halloween costume yet?”

Milo snorted at that. “I never dress up.”

I feigned shock. “Never? Why not?”

“I don’t see the point,” Milo responded, raising a curious eyebrow at me. “Do you?”

“Pirates,” I said, grinning. “Me and my friends do it every year.”

Milo laughed at that. “Do you get to be the captain?” he remarked.

“Nah. I got it last year,” I said seriously. “This year Haily gets the captain’s hat. I get the parrot, though.”

Milo stared at me for a long moment and shook his head as he removed the sunglasses holding back his hair. The locks fell neatly around his face as he hooked the glasses into the collar of his shirt. “Do you go trick-or-treating, too?” he asked, seeming unsure whether or not to be sarcastic.

“No. Sometimes we go out, or to a party--whatever’s available. But if you’re giving out candy I’ll knock on your door.” The look I gave him was no less than lecherous. Milo glared, but I had a feeling that he didn’t mean it. “Will you be home alone tonight?”

Milo shrugged. “Don’t know.”

“Then... would I be interrupting anything if I...”

“You can stop by,” he cut me off, and I smiled at that.

“Okay.”

There was a moment of silence, where Milo seemed somewhat awkward. “So are you going to?” he finally asked.

“Yeah,” I said, straightening as I pulled my backpack more firmly over my shoulder. “Oh... can I borrow your parenting book? I left mine at home and never finished that chapter. I would’ve snatched Haily’s, but she’s pretty much moved out of my locker.”

“Sure,” he agreed, and I watched him bend over to grab the book off the lower shelf in his locker. I’ll admit that I was perving on him. But, I always did that. And I really did need that book. I figured that I had every right to feel disgruntled by the sudden hand on my back, shoving me in a way that forced me to step away from the lockers and find my balance, just so I wouldn’t tumble into Milo.

“Get lost, asshole,” I heard Assface’s obnoxious voice order, and I spun around to find him smirking at me. I glared. I really shouldn’t have let him think that he was the one who’d scared me off at the dance. All that power went straight to his head, and he seemed to have forgotten that I was someone perfectly capable of pushing back. But with Milo standing right there, looking nervous, I tried to be the better person.

“Please don’t touch me, Jame,” I said. “Ever.” I looked at Milo, and held out my hand for the parenting book. He was frowning, but at least not at me. Now, I thought, if he could just bring himself to tell his friend to fuck off, we’d be good. But I guess it would probably be best to just ignore Jame for now, especially since when I looked in his direction he opted to flip me off with both hands. It was way too tempting to tell him where he could shove those fingers, so I turned my attention back to Milo. “Thanks for the book. I’ll see you in class?”

“Yeah,” Milo agreed, still seeming uncomfortable. “See ya.”

I hated feeling like I was being pushed away by Jame. I mean, I did have to meet my friends, but it wasn’t as if I wouldn’t have appreciated a few more minutes with Milo. I guess those few extra minutes just wouldn’t have been very enjoyable with Jame there. I found myself hoping that Milo would say something to Assface that would get him to lay off. If anything, Milo needed to tell him that we were friends, I decided. I could deal with having to tolerate Jame if he did that--so long as Jame-the-Assface Graham kept his hands the fuck off me.

.............................................

“Milo no dijo que alguien iba a venir. No puedas quedar para la cena. No tengo suficiente comida. ¡Y cállate! El seZor Trust está trabajando en su oficina..”

“Uh-huh, thanks,” I said to Juanita as she waved me up the stairs in the Trust’s residence. She sounded cranky about whatever she was trying to say to me. I guess I was just glad that she wasn’t following me up the stairs.

It was just after four thirty, and I didn’t have long to visit Milo before I needed to get going. I’d promised my mom that I’d pick up candy for tomorrow’s trick-or-treaters before I went home for dinner. My Uncle Ray was bringing his family over tonight, so I’d agreed to be there. Afterwards I was supposed to go straight to Haily’s to study. I didn’t want to think about any of that, though. I had so much homework that it was giving me a headache when I wasn’t even doing it.

As I reached Milo’s room, and pushed open the already cracked-open door, it looked like Milo didn’t feel like dealing with his homework, either. He had several books spread out over his bed, and another on his desk with a notebook right next to it, but Milo wasn’t actually near any of it. Instead he stood in front of an easel, paintbrush in hand, and he was working on one of the paintings I’d seen the last time I was I the room. It had only been the beginning of a tree then, and I’d assumed that there’d be a scarecrow hanging from it by the time it was finished. It didn’t look like a scarecrow now, though. There was most definitely a dark figure hanging by a noose. Only, it seemed more human than not. Unlike his usual work, the image was somewhat distorted, but the colors suggested the tree was burning. It’s not that I didn’t like it, I did. I liked everything he did. But this... I guess it was darker; sad to look at. That’s why I chose to look at Milo instead. Of course, I probably would have done that even if his painting wasn’t depressing.

He wasn’t wearing a shirt again and his jeans hung low on his hips as he glanced over his shoulder at me. I smiled at him, but he didn’t return it as he turned back to his work and lifted a paint-smudged arm to continue with it.

“Could you please close the door?” he asked. “My dad’s somewhere downstairs.”

“Sure,” I replied as I gently closed the door behind me and shed my blue jacket to hang on the knob while I studied Milo curiously from behind. He definitely seemed absorbed in his work, just as he had when he was sketching in the cold at Hangman. It was cute, but irritating, I decided as I moved up behind him to watch over his shoulder. Obviously, he thought that was irritating as he glanced back, narrowed his eyes on me, and then unceremoniously dropped his paintbrush into a cup of water. “You’re in a mood,” I remarked. For the most part, Milo ignored that as he reached for the t-shirt that was hanging over the edge of the bed. At least, he ignored me until I grabbed his wrist, denying him his shirt. I turned him towards me, sliding my hand from his wrist to his shoulder while my eyes drifted down the fading tan that covered the contours of his chest and I chewed at my bottom lip. I met his eyes, and likely would have kissed him if it weren’t for the sudden troubled expression masking his face. I frowned at that, sliding my hand down to his bicep.

“What’s wrong? Are you freaked because your dad’s here?” I asked, remembering the last time he’d pushed me away, just because his dad was in the house.

“I’m fine,” Milo replied, sounding a little stubborn. “He’s locked in his office, anyway.”

He crossed his free hand over his chest and glanced away from me, and I smiled, deciding that this was just Milo being shy as I leaned forward and gently placed a kiss over the corner of his mouth. He smelled refreshing, and his skin felt soft beneath my lips as I closed my eyes and listened to him inhale a nervous breath as he hesitantly turned his face until his mouth was against mine. He remained like that, his arm feeling tense beneath my hand until I parted my lips and moved my tongue over his, persuading him to open. Milo sighed, and as he slowly kissed me back I deepened it, moving my hands to his bare sides. I could feel him tremble beneath my fingertips as he awkwardly lifted his hands, seeming unsure of where to place them as they first rested on my chest, as if it push me away before he found a place for them, holding onto my arms. When he pulled away from my mouth I continued to kiss him, slowly dragging my lips away from his, over his cheek and to the bottom of his earlobe as I slid my hands over his warm, smooth back and pulled him closer; enjoying the feel of his body so close to mine as his bare toes stood over the tips of my high-tops and he gingerly returned my hug, even allowing me to slide a hand up into his hair as I cupped the back of his head and pulled his chin down to my shoulder. It occurred to me that I hadn’t kissed him in a few days, and there seemed to be something upsetting about that. To me, at least. I supposed that there wasn’t much I could do about it now, but I did find myself wondering how much trouble it would be to find myself alone with him like this more often.

As I moved a hand from his shoulder over his arm, a layer of goose bumps caused the soft hairs there to stand on end; and when Milo moved away from me I released him, watching as he grabbed his shirt and the way that his muscles stretched as he pulled it over his head, messing his hair in the process. I turned to face him when he sat on the edge of his homework-covered bed and regarded me somewhat blankly.

“I know Emily went to your house,” he suddenly said.

I opened my mouth, taking a very long moment, trying to figure out exactly how I wanted to react to that, and whether or not he was angry. I most definitely hadn’t been expecting it. When Milo simply continued to stare at me I sighed, and then moved slowly to sit next to him, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable.

“Were you even going to tell me?” he asked, and I frowned as I met his eyes.

“That depends,” I said honestly, and when Milo narrowed his eyes, I continued, “She just sort of showed up uninvited, okay?”

“Well, that sounds like her,” he said bitterly.

“Milo, she just wanted to see the property... My parents have hosted weddings there before, and... well, I was going to wait and see what happened before I mentioned anything. I figured you wouldn’t like it.”

“I don’t,” he responded, raising his voice in a way that didn’t seem to be like him at all.

“See, then I was right,” I remarked, cracking a smile in a pathetic attempt to lighten the mood. Milo glared at me. He meant it this time. “Okay,” I relented. “But can you blame me? I don’t even think your dad and Emily are going to use our place, and it was hard enough to get you over there in the first place. I thought you’d freak out if you knew she’d been there.” The look Milo flashed me suggested that that was not the right thing to say. “Milo, it’s not a big deal.”

“The last thing I need is for her to think anything’s going on with me and you...”

“Well she already does thinks something’s going on,” I responded, feeling slightly annoyed. “She thinks we’re friends. Fuck, Milo--look, I know you don’t like her, but she really doesn’t seem that bad to me...”

“You don’t get it, do you?” he cut me off. “If my dad ever found out that I was...”

“Hey,” I interrupted, grabbing for his hand. “Milo, your dad’s right downstairs. If you thought that was a problem, you’d be kicking me out right about now; but you’re not, because you know that as far as he’s concerned, you just have a friend up here. All Emily thinks is that she might want to have her wedding where one of your friends lives. So seriously, why do you do that? Why do you make everything about whether or not someone’s going to find out about us?”

Stubbornly, Milo’s green eyes narrowed at me as he took on a determined expression, as if he actually had a completely reasonable, and possibly very good explanation for me. Only if he did, he never voiced it as he finally just turned his gaze away from me, shaking his head. But, I decided, that was okay. Milo didn’t really need to answer my question because I already understood what his unspoken response would have been. He was afraid. It was that simple. For Milo Trust, even the idea of being out was unacceptable. I could understand the fear. I had the same ones--that I’d lose my friends, that I would never be able to fit in, and that the life that I was generally happy with would end. Of course, I believed that Milo took some of his cautions to the extreme, and that was exactly what frustrated me about him. And there were certain things I couldn’t understand, because I happened to have a supportive family behind me and he didn’t. It occurred to me then, that Milo only knew one person in the whole world that he’d shared the secret that he’d been hiding his whole life with. And that was me.

I’d be lying if I said that that realization wasn’t one that made me feel special. Maybe even a little closer to him, because of what we had in common. But, it also made me sad for him--he had no one else. I found myself lifting his hand to lace my fingers with his as I forced a smile, nudging him so that he’d face me. Those emerald eyes met mine and I leaned forward, momentarily brushing my forehead against his in a subtle display of affection.

“Hey... um, let’s not worry about Emily right now. She showed up, but it was probably a one-time thing, and even if she wants to use my place it’s not like it’ll change anything, right? And I mean, if she does, we can always let the goat out. It might have an appetite for white dresses.”

Milo didn’t smile at that, but his expression did seem to relax a little.

“I hate her,” he said quietly. “I hate this whole wedding.” I wove an arm around him, not really sure what else to do as I pulled him closer against my side and kissed the lower part of his cheekbone. Milo sighed, running a rough hand through his hair before he suddenly straightened and regarded me seriously. “You’ll tell me if she shows up again, right?”

“Yeah,” I said quickly. “I’ll let you know.” Milo studied me, as if he was trying to figure out whether or not I really meant it. I just smiled at him, deciding that it was time for a subject change as I gestured towards the easel he’d been working in front of. “So what’s with the depressing painting?” I asked conversationally. He looked over at it, frowning.

“You don’t like it.” It was a statement, not a question.

“No,” I replied seriously. “It’s... it’s beautiful. Just, sad. Maybe kinda scary.” A small smile curled Milo’s lips at that. I had a feeling that I’d said something that he liked. I just went with it. So are you going to finish it?” I asked.

“Now?”

I shrugged. “Why not?” I asked, and Milo looked over at his work thoughtfully, but shook his head. I playfully poked at his ribs. “I wanna watch,” I insisted.

Milo turned back to me curiously, maybe even a little skeptically. But, without another word he stood and returned to his painting as I leaned back on his bed and watched, just as I said I wanted to do. He didn’t finish while I was there, but he continued to paint, looking concentrated. I did most of the talking, as I had at Hangman, but he did speak to me every once in a while. It was mostly to tell me to shut up, though, when I kept suggesting that he take his shirt back off--so he wouldn’t get paint on it, of course.

About a half hour later I was looking at the clock on his desk and announcing that I had to go. Milo offered to walk me out, and took a moment to wash out his brushes. I refused to let him through the door before I kissed him again, deciding to take the opportunity while I had it. It was a short kiss, but good, and I could still taste him when he walked me down the stairs. I never saw Mr. Trust, even if he was supposedly home, but Milo shouted something to Juanita as I pulled on my coat before we headed out the front door.

I said goodbye to Milo on the front steps, not really wanting him to follow me all the way to my car, which I’d parked on the street outside of the gate. He hadn’t bothered to put on a jacket and his feet were still bare, which seemed unacceptable for the weather we were having. But he didn’t go inside, and I was halfway down the driveway when he unexpectedly called out to me.

“Hey, Nelson?”

I looked back, and then moved to go meet him when I saw his bare feet tiptoeing down the cold stairs and over the freezing cement as he came to catch up to me, his hands in his pockets as he appeared uncertain over something.

“What’s up?” I asked, staring down at his feet and wishing that he’d at least put socks on.

“Have you ever been to a Stratfort party?” he asked.

I raised a curious eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“You said... you mentioned you didn’t really have any solid plans for tomorrow night,” he explained, still avoiding my eyes as he slid his hands out of his pockets to cross his arms against the cold. Jerry--the guy you met at Hangman...”

“I remember.”

“He’s having a Halloween party,” Milo explained. “I might go.”

I stared at Milo for a long moment, and when he said no more, I smirked. “Are you asking me, Milo?”

Again, he looked somewhat uncertain as he shrugged his shoulders. “I mean... your friends can come, too. Jer’s cool.”

I blinked at that, and all but scratched my head as I wondered if I’d heard him right.

“You’re inviting my friends?” I asked.

Milo faced me then. “Wouldn’t you just bring them, anyway, if I didn’t?”

I considered the question. “Probably,” I admitted. “Um... are you... you’d put Caleb and Jame in a room together?” I was having trouble here. I was completely stunned that he was actually inviting me to a social gathering of his friends, and add to that he’d just invited my friends, too... well, I thought it was quite possible that the paint fumes had gone straight to my head and now I was hallucinating.

“Jame won’t be there,” Milo said quietly. “He takes his cousins out on Halloween.”

“Oh.”

A long minute passed, and when I said nothing more, Milo chewed his full bottom lip, fast becoming red from the cold, and took a step back. “I guess you can think about it,” he said, and I quickly reached out, briefly touching his arm.

“Hey. Sorry,” I said quickly. “I’m just a little surprised. I want to... I’ve gotta talk to everyone else. Can I let you know in school tomorrow?”

“That’s fine,” he agreed.

“Okay... you should probably get back inside before your feet freeze off,” I suggested.

Milo met my eyes once more, and graced me with the smallest of smiles before he nodded, turned, and tiptoed all the way back up the driveway.

.............................................................

I glanced over the rectangular glass coffee table as I finished up my creative writing assignment. Haily was at the narrow end across from me, while Caleb and Joe had their homework spread over the wider sides of the table. The Geld’s living room wasn’t massive, more like cozy with the fluffy dark green furniture and thick carpeting. I’d always thought it was a nice place to study, especially being full of my friends. Maybe we liked to have our fun, but when it was time to study, we tended to keep each other in line, and I was pleased when I had all my homework finished by ten o’clock.

“What did you guys wanna do tomorrow night?” I asked. “Still wanna go out to eat or something?”

Being a Wednesday night, there wasn’t much going on for Halloween. There were a few costume parties around town, but none of them really appealed to me and my friends. That’s why I was hoping that they’d be open to this party that Milo had mentioned.

“If I can still be a pirate,” Caleb replied without looking up from his book.

“We could go to a party,” I suggested.

“Like where?” Haily responded. “It’s going to be too cold to be at Hangman, and our parents are probably going to be at most of the parties around here. No thanks.”

“There’s one in Stratfort Ranch,” I said, and this was met with silence. For my part, I flipped open my history book, pretending that I wasn’t nervous about this at all.

“And who do we know in Stratfort?” Joe finally asked, sounding more amused than anything.

“Milo told me about it,” I replied, still not looking at my friends. The spirit rally hadn’t turned out horrible with Milo there, but I still worried that my friends wouldn’t like the mention of him, especially after homecoming, and what Jame and Ronnie pulled. “One of his friends is throwing it.”

“I’ll go with you,” Haily said, after only a few moments of silence, and I looked up at her.

Frankly, I was a little surprised. I’d expected that I’d have to talk them all into this. Of course, it seemed that I’d still have to do some talking when Caleb and Joe looked at Haily like she’d lost her mind.

“What?” Haily said, frowning at them. “There’s nothing better to do. It’s a party.”

“I’m not going,” Joe stated, sounding unapologetic. “I’m going out with Kelly later tomorrow night, anyway.”

“You could always bring her,” I suggested.

Joe frowned at me. “I’m not going, Nelson,” he reiterated, and I frowned back at him when he gave me a look suggesting that he was refraining from saying something else that I might not like. I turned my attention to Caleb, who shook his head at me.

“Sorry... I don’t think so, either, Nels. You’re the one who keeps telling me to stay out of trouble. It would probably find me there.”

“Jame isn’t going to be there,” I told him, and Caleb met my eyes again, looking thoughtful. “I met the guy having the party a few weeks back,” I continued. “He seemed okay. It’s just an option, anyway, but I’m probably gonna go.”

There. That was simple enough. I was going to a party with Milo Trust, and they could decide for themselves if they wanted to go with me.

“Like I said, I’ll go with you,” Haily said. “What time will it be?”

“I’m not sure,” I replied. “I’ll get the details tomorrow.”

“Can I still be a pirate?” Caleb suddenly asked, and I smiled at him.

“It is a Halloween party.”

“Are you serious?” Joe asked, now looking disapprovingly at Caleb. “You’re going to Stratfort?”

“I’m thinking about it,” Caleb responded in a tone that suggested it wouldn’t be smart for Joe to start shit with him over this.

Joe just shook his head. “Whatever.”

“So that means you’re thinking about it, too, right?” Haily remarked, eying her cousin.

“Just shut up,” Joe mumbled. “I’m not talking to any of you.”

I smiled. I was going to a party with Milo Trust, and all of my friends were going with me. Five minutes later, the same thought placed knots in my stomach as I listened to my friends make fun of anyone or anything from Stratfort, and I suddenly found myself wondering if this was even a remotely good idea.

....................................

Everything was fine. I was a social individual. I did well in crowds, even if I’d never met anyone in them before. When I was younger, I’d never quite understood the concept of not talking to strangers, and that hadn’t changed. But I was nervous. I told myself that was stupid, but it was no less true. This was a big deal--me and my friends going to a party in Stratfort. But, that was because Milo had invited us. This was a big thing for him. I knew that. It made this a big deal for me, because if anything went wrong, Milo would probably regret ever inviting us in the first place; and given my luck, he’d want to go back to pretending we were only acquaintances in Mrs. Bates’s parenting class.

I tried not to think about it. Everything was going to be fine. Sure, maybe Joe couldn’t shut up about what schmucks Milo and his friends were; and maybe Caleb was threatening bodily harm if he so much as smelled Jame Graham; and Haily insisted that she wanted to hang onto me all night since she wouldn’t know anyone; but everything was fine. I was going to get to see Milo. I’d get to know more of his friends than just Assface, which likely meant that I’d see he liked normal people, too. And, I made a pretty damn good pirate.

Our costumes were pretty simple. We’d always had to improvise because October was a cold month, so the four of us stuck to old white dress shirts. I’d never been fond of the lace cuffs, but the ratty-looking vests that my mom and Leanna had pieced together for us two years ago were pretty cool. They were close to black in color and matched the torn-up sweat-like pants that ended just below our knees. I’d learned long ago to wear long underwear beneath mine. This year, since Haily got to wear the large black-rimmed hat we’d found years ago, Caleb and I had tied rags over our head while Joe stuck to a cleaner-looking black bandana. Caleb had a fake beard that was three shades darker than his hair and Joe had fake earrings because he was too chicken to actually poke any holes in his body. I was pretty fond of my eye patch, except for last year when I got drunk and lost all depth perception. I had bruises from continuously walking into things. And, as I’d told Milo, I got to wear the fake, morbid-looking red parrot on my shoulder. Its tail was missing, and so was its right eye. I loved that thing.

But, the best part of our costumes was our assortment of fake swords. Caleb and I drove Haily crazy every year when we’d come out of nowhere and initiate a fight with one another, whether we were in a restaurant or just walking down the street. Joe tended to pretend he didn’t know us when we did things like that. But just like the rest of us, Joe could admit that there was something fun about dressing up in ridiculous costumes to celebrate the holiday.

According to Milo, he wanted to end up at Jerry’s place around eight. It took some convincing on my part, but he’d agreed to let us pick him up. Joe and Caleb had agreed that they wanted to take separate vehicles, just in case they wanted to leave early, and I didn’t even argue about it since Joe was already annoyed that Kelly had opted to take her little sisters trick-or treating, instead of going with him, and Caleb was under the impression that he would definitely end up in some sort of fight at this party. I told him that he was being ridiculous, and hoped that I was right. Haily was being pretty cool, though, if I didn’t think anything of the way she kept telling me that I made a hot pirate when I reluctantly allowed her to put makeup on my eyes.

We met at my house early, after school. We had dinner with my family and for a few hours we watched scary movies while helping my parents hand out candy to early trick-or-treaters. Caleb liked doing that, but complained that all of the little kids were so bundled up in their coats that we couldn’t even see their costumes. But he talked me into feigning a sword fight for them in the front yard, nonetheless.

At around seven thirty, Haily rode with me while Joe and Caleb drove behind us, and I led the way to Milo’s house. I pulled halfway into the driveway when I spotted Milo with Juanita beneath the porch light, while Caleb pulled along the street. The Trust residence didn’t seem very big on Halloween decorations, but they were definitely pulling in large groups of kids as they passed my car with their pillowcases to collect their candy from Juanita, who was smiling for once, and to my surprise, dressed as a large orange pumpkin. I was a little disappointed to find that Milo wasn’t in costume at all, rather an ironed green sweater and new-looking blue jeans. Haily noticed this too, and regarded him as if he’d committed some sort of crime as he waved to Juanita and headed towards my car. When she looked at me from beneath her large hat, I just shrugged.

“He said he didn’t dress up.”

Haily made a thumbs-down gesture, shaking her head, while I focused on Milo, who suddenly stopped between my headlights, looking through the front window at Haily and me. His brow went up momentarily as I waved to him, and when he walked around to let himself in the back seat, he was shaking his head and biting back a smile.

Haily and I both glanced back at him, unfazed, as he slid into the back seat and looked between us with a bemused expression on his face until his eyes finally settled on me.

“You actually dressed up,” he finally said, as if he didn’t quite believe us.

“I told you--pirates,” I replied, nodding.

“But this isn’t a costume party,” Milo said, as if it was supposed to be obvious. Haily and I exchanged confused glances before I looked back at Milo.

“But you said Halloween party,” I reminded him.

“Halloween means costumes,” Haily agreed.

“Not this party,” Milo replied, still looking rather amused. “Look, if you guys wanna go home and change first...”

“Change?” I mocked shocked. “There will be no changin’.”

“Iiieeee,” Haily drawled. “Can’t pillage if we change. I need me sword.” She tapped the plastic one currently in her lap.

“Caleb would be mightily displeased if he couldn’t ask the young lasses to take a ride on his ship,” I added. Haily giggled.

“You mean my ship,” she replied, indicating her hat. “I’m the cap’n.”

Milo was looking at us like we’d left half of our brains at home. “No one else is going to be wearing a costume,” he informed us.

I just smiled at Haily. “So what do you think cap’n? Should we tell the boys there’s no costume party?”

Haily responded with a mischievous grin. “Nah. I say surprise ‘em, and landlubbers can walk the plank!”

I laughed at her, happy that she didn’t care about completely fitting in when it came to having fun. Like she’d said before, she’d probably be hanging around me all night, being around so many people that she didn’t know, but she could care less about what they thought of her if she showed up in a tacky pirate costume.

“Suit yourselves,” Milo said, shaking his head. But, at least he was smiling as he gave me directions to Jerry’s house. I wasn’t too worried about Caleb being upset that we were the only ones in costume. Joe was going to be livid, but Haily and I both knew that, and every once in a while, she liked to put her cousin on the spot, so I wasn’t too worried about it.

Jerry lived on the opposite side of Stratfort from Milo, right near the private school, which was about a quarter size of ours. There were cars lining the street and a wide driveway leading up to the tall house in front of us, decorated with Halloween lights and jack-o’-lanterns. But, not as many as there’d been at Brandon Sholer’s.

As I suspected, Caleb wasn’t bothered at all that we were the only ones in costume. In fact, I think he liked something about that. Joe, however, was livid as Haily and Caleb dragged him towards the house ahead of us. I found myself hanging back a little with Milo, trying to pretend I didn’t notice as he continuously looked my costume up and down. I was happy to see that he seemed amused more than embarrassed, and if I was surprised that he’d invited us in the first place, I was even more surprised when he stopped me outside the door. I stood still, biting at my smile as he carefully removed my eye patch, and then pulled it onto his own face, blinking at me curiously from his left eye. I grinned at him, removing the reddish-brown rag I’d tied over my head, and after much debate, he turned so I could put it on his.

Caleb knocked on the front door like nothing bothered him, but Milo made sure to be ahead of us as Jerry opened it, wearing normal street clothes, as he took us all in, his eyes settling on Milo before he promptly burst out laughing, but was quick to add, “Nice costumes!”

I remembered Jerry being friendly when I’d met him at Hangman, and I was glad that nothing had changed as he scratched at his left, dark sideburn and grinned at me. “The hot chocolate guy’s here!” he remarked, and my friends regarded me curiously as Jerry gave my shoulder a friendly slap before inviting us all into his house. Milo introduced each of us, as if he’d actually known us all for a while, and surprised me with his more outgoing mannerisms around Jerry he led us straight down to the basement, where the party seemed to be confined to.

It was an interesting setup in the wide space of the basement. There was music playing loudly, but we hadn’t even heard it until we reached the bottom of the stairs, and he had three long sofas set up, an entertainment system where a large group of people were gathered to play video games, and a full-sized pool table in the back corner. It wasn’t exactly like the parties that my friends and I were used to, and I could see it in their faces, but Jerry being as outgoing as he was seemed to make it easier as he moved through the room with us, introducing us as we went. Except Caleb. Caleb found the jello shots right next to a group of girls and made himself right at home.

Haily did tend to stick with me. I probably wouldn’t have minded if Milo didn’t glare at me every time she grabbed my hand. And Joe finally let his guard down enough to enjoy himself when he joined a group at the pool table and went about hustling them out of all their money. With Haily practically attached to my hip, I stuck with Milo, noticing that a lot of people were happy to see him. They all mentioned the same thing: that he hadn’t been around in a while. This made me curious, because Milo seemed like a loner by nature; but apparently, there were friends that he’d seen on a regular basis when he was still going to Stratfort. I also found that I really liked Jerry. It was hard not to when he spent enough time trying to talk to Haily that she actually let go of me for a good thirty minutes, and he even got Caleb involved in a conversation. It was the first time since I’d met Caleb Spangler that he actually looked content in the company of a guy other than Joe or me.

Jerry’s was one of the cleanest parties that I’d ever been to. There was an assortment of alcoholic beverages on hand, but it almost seemed like most people were afraid to touch them. It was an interesting change, but not unenjoyable. For everyone, actually. Not one of my friends mentioned leaving early, but since it was a school night, I noticed most people leaving around ten thirty. We went at eleven, with Jerry actually telling us to come back. I think we were all a little shocked when Caleb actually collected Jerry’s number so he could invite him to the next party that he decided to throw.

I’m not sure how I pulled it off, but when we left, Haily ended up riding with Caleb and Joe, leaving me to take Milo home on my own. I was grateful for the extra few minutes with him, even if he did seem a little tired and distracted by something as he removed the eye patch and rag from his head, throwing them on my back seat.

“Is everything okay?” I asked him. We were about a block away from his house, and he had his forehead against the cool window as the heater blasted us in the front seat. “We didn’t embarrass you or anything, right?”

Milo looked over at me, seeming confused for a moment before he shook his head. “No. That was actually... good,” he decided. I smiled, happy to agree with him.

“Good enough that you’d wanna come over for a while?” I tried. It was a pointless question. I already knew what he was going to say.

Or maybe, I thought I knew what he was going to say.

“Okay.”

My eyes snapped over to Milo, who was looking straight ahead, and obviously full of surprises tonight. But he didn’t have to tell me twice. I was turning away from his block and heading towards the hill within minutes. Although, I couldn’t escape the feeling that something was very off about Milo agreeing to come over to my house so late on a night before he had school in the morning. When I finally asked him, he simply told me that he wasn’t ready to go home because he didn’t know if Emily was going to be there. Apparently, his dad had planned to spend the evening with her at the house, and that’s why he’d gone to Jerry’s party in the first place. I would have preferred it if he’d told me that he’d agreed to go home with me because he couldn’t get enough of me, but hey, I’d take what I could get. I only wished that he was in a better mood. It wasn’t that he was cranky--more, troubled, I think. It was difficult to get him to smile, even at my jokes as I drove him to my house; so once I was home, I tried the next best thing. Ice cream and sugar cookies.

My parents had already turned off the porch light and gone to bed, so we were quiet as I raided the kitchen for dessert, and then enlisted Milo’s aid in taking the small television and VCR from my dad’s office, which we set up in my room and watched a Halloween movie that was only scary because it had the Olson twins in it. Needless to say, I was paying more attention to Milo than I was to the movie. He hadn’t needed much encouragement to eat his ice cream, and since it was warm in my room from the heater being turned all the way up, I’d gone to the restroom to wash the makeup from my eyes and trade in my pirate wardrobe for sweatpants and a t-shirt. I’d come back to find Milo’d lost his sweatshirt and was sitting on my bed in a white undershirt, his jeans, and a pair of white socks, since his shoes were now next to my bed. I’d been doing everything possible to get as close as I could to him ever since, which in all actuality, shouldn’t have been that hard since my bed wasn’t very big, and we’d spent most of the movie sitting on it with our backs against the wall. But that still didn’t stop me from asking Milo to put our ice cream bowls on the floor, and when he went to do it, I sneakily moved over so that then he leaned back, it was against me. I’d startled him, but when I placed a hand on his chest and pulled his weight back against me he’d nervously laughed, and didn’t object to it.

Milo was tense at first, staring at the boring movie like it was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen while I spent my time trailing my fingertips up and down his arms and neck until he relaxed enough to lean back more heavily, resting his head back on my shoulder. His hair felt soft against the side of my face and he smelled like soap as I turned my head to lightly kiss his ear, sending a noticeable shudder through him.

I watched his thick lashes lower as I moved my fingers to his hair, combing it back as my free hand slid over his chest, and I could feel the muscles of his abdomen flexing beneath my palm as I moved lower, stopping at the hem of his jeans, only to lift the bottom of his shirt enough to feel the soft skin below his navel. I touched him slowly, tracing his skin above his jeans as he made a point to seem uninterested in it, remaining still, staring at the television sitting atop my desk. But I didn’t need a verbal response from Milo to know that he was affected. It felt like forever was passing us by, but eventually my subtle attention was greeted with a steadily rising bulge in his pants, causing him to lift his knees in an effort to hide it beneath his pants. My own arousal was a bit more difficult to conceal, I imagined, the way that it was pressing out against my gray sweatpants, the head of my cock brushing at his lower back.

I could feel Milo’s shoulders stiffen when I lifted his shirt more deliberately, fisting it at his chest, just between his pectorals, but he didn’t stop me as I moved my other hand down his stomach over warm skin and traced the thin dark trail of hair beginning below his belly button. His hips arched in surprise when I slipped my index finger past his jeans into loose-fitting boxers where the soft hair thickened and I could feel the weight of his shaft, against the top of my digit.

Milo gripped at my wrist, holding back my more intrusive hand, but released it a moment later to hiss in a breath when I dipped my head to suck a sweet spot of skin below his ear into my mouth. His hands moved to my knees, lifted on either side of his body, and he gripped me there, trembling as I shoved down any caution and snapped open the button of his jeans, determined to get at least a step further than the last time that I’d had him in that position. I didn’t fail. I lowered his zipper as I released the skin of his neck, nipping at the spot with my teeth before I moved to his earlobe, pulling it gently between my lips as he tilted his head into me, his breathing quickly becoming rapid from the contact.

With his pants open I slid my hand beneath his boxers, reaching for him. His length was velvety and hard beneath my palm as he arched up against my hand and released a soft moan. He tilted his head, pulling his ear from my mouth and he closed his eyes as my fingers moved over his cock in light strokes and my lips moved to cover his, teasing him open until his tongue came against mine. He groaned against my lips when I released his erection to wrap an arm around his neck as I shifted out from behind him, lowering his body to the mattress as I moved over him, my knees sliding between his. I deepened the kiss, moving my tongue into his mouth as I moved my hands to his waist, sliding one around to the small of his back; and as I moved it lower I hooked the back of his pants, pulling his jeans and his underwear down past his ass slowly, taking the time to allow my fingers to graze over the firm, soft flesh of his cheeks.

Milo gripped my shoulders, his fingers digging in as I broke the kiss to move my mouth to his neck, all the while sliding my hands up naked hips and lifting his shirt until it hooked beneath his underarms. My mouth moved to his chest and I felt his nipple harden beneath my tongue before I moved lower. I was met with the sound of a muffled moan from Milo when I took his cock in my hand again, squeezing gently as I dragged my mouth down over his navel. I had to hold his hips to the bed when my lips closed over the head of his organ. I glanced up to meet emerald eyes and saw him watching me, unsure of whether he should be fascinated or frightened as I moved my tongue over the smooth texture of him. I went down quickly, ready to experience one of the many things I’d been forever curious about.

I experienced too much.

I probably shouldn’t have been shocked that I managed to choke my first time. There had been no disclaimer explaining that feeling in any of my magazines. Of course, it was embarrassing, but if Milo noticed, I couldn’t tell when his hand moved to the back of my head and he arched up. I thought quickly, which was rather hard to do under the circumstances, but managed to make up for my clumsiness with my tongue, licking his length as I fisted the base of his organ, earning another groan from him. I took him back between my lips, slower this time. Determined, but cautious.

Hell. If girls like Teresa Milldrum could do it, so could I. I just had to remember what I could fit into my mouth. I went slowly this time. I paid attention, finding that he liked it when I sucked him in. To make up for what I was lacking with my mouth, I used the hand God gave me as I experimented with his body, glancing upwards occasionally as the sight of his heavily lidded green eyes rolling back and his hips arching excited me within the confines of my own pants. I wasn’t expecting the experience to be over so quickly, but I was more turned on than disappointed as I tasted the salty substance on my tongue, and before Milo even recovered I was over him, with his hands in my short hair, seeking out his tongue with my mouth. He shuddered beneath me, his skin suddenly moist from sex as my hands began to wander over him, sliding from his hips to his chest as my hard member pressed heavily into his softening one beneath my sweat pants.

When Milo moved his hands to my shoulders he was gripping so tight that it was difficult to tell if he was trying to shove me away or pull me closer, but it resulted in my knees straddling his half-clothed limbs as I continued to kiss him, leaning in closer when he moved an arm around my neck. When he gripped me through the soft material of my pants I released a surprised gasp and dropped my face to his neck, my mouth sucking at his throat to muffle my own strangled whimper; but my sucking turned to soft kissing as he loosened my drawstring and I felt his shy fingers reaching, closing around the head of my erection.

Milo shifted out of his pants as he placed a hand on my chest and pushed gently as I allowed him to guide me to my knees, and when I reached them, I pulled him to me, sliding my hand down his back, and then teasingly over his ass while my mouth fluttered over his shoulder and I felt his rush of warm breath against my ear. He moved almost uncertainly as I felt him struggle to lower my pants, and then he met my eyes briefly before he lowered them, a light blush coloring his cheeks as I took it upon myself to remove my shirt, deciding it suddenly felt hot in my bedroom. Before the material was even over my head I felt his fingers moving over my stomach, tickling as they sent a chill through me, and when I’d rid myself of the garment I lowered my arms to rest my hands on his back, sliding them down over his shirt just as he lowered his head and I felt his lips come into contact with the head of my erection. His shyness and caution was more teasing than anything as I felt his tongue, wet and warm against my skin before he moved down my length--not far, but enough to cause my knees to shake as I resisted the urge to press my hips forward and my hands moved to his head and my fingers tangled in his hair. Like me, he used his hand for any extra compensation, and the combined sensations brought me slowly to the edge. As my eyes rolled back and my body tensed against my oncoming release I mumbled a few words of warning to him, but things seemed dark and fuzzy between then and when I had Milo on his back again, with his mouth moving beneath mine.

..............................

My eyes were heavy with grogginess, and my body relaxed over Milo as his hands rested lightly on my back and his chest heaved beneath mine. I found myself kissing his neck every few moments, not wanting to move. If I moved, he’d get up. Leave. I didn’t want him to do that. Everything felt just... right, the way it was. But, I had to. Eventually smothering him simply wasn’t on my agenda, and in the last twenty minutes after the film playing on the television faded to the credits, and then to static, my throat had become very dry and I imagined that Milo’s was the same. I dragged my hand over his bare chest as I did force myself to move off of him before I stood and pulled up my pants. Looking down on him, his body stretched and bare below his waist, he seemed sleepy, but relaxed. Content. My mouth curled into a small smile when he lifted his eyes to meet mine, and I found myself moving towards my dresser, retrieving another pair of sweats, which I brought back to the bed and placed gently over his now flaccid member. It’s not that I was trying to get him to put clothes on faster. I guess I figured that if I offered him something to sleep in, he’d take the hint and sleep here. In my bed.

“I’m gonna grab us some water,” I said quietly. “You’re not gonna like, disappear again, right?”

Milo’s brow knit, and some of his troubled expression from earlier reappeared on his face, causing me to wonder what he was thinking about. But, when he gave me a slight nod I decided that I could trust him not to disappear in the two minutes that I’d be gone. I leaned over him once more before leaving the bed, leaning into his palm when he reached to touch my face as he returned my light kiss.

The rest of the house seemed cold in comparison to my bedroom, but then, that could have been because I’d become accustomed to the feel of Milo’s body so close. I missed the warmth, sort of like I did after forcing myself out of a warm bed first thing in the morning. I roamed the house for a few moments, making sure the draft I felt wasn’t coming from an open window before I returned to the kitchen for two glasses of water. But I only got around to pouring one, which I left on the table when I took a glimpse out the window and saw a white sky glowing over the field, and the shadow of Milo Trust standing on the back deck, shirtless and wearing my pants. His breath fogged the cold air and the first snowflakes of the year drifted over him in such light flakes that even the slightest breeze pulled them off course.

I moved through the back door quietly, and he jumped a little when I slid a hand over his back, standing close to ward off some of the cold. He turned his head to meet my eyes in the dark, seeming subdued as I sighed and rested my chin on his shoulder. “If you want me to take you home,” I said quietly, “you have to say it first.”

My words were met with a long silence as I closed my eyes, not really expecting to hear anything at all as I rested my hands on his sides. But then, along with the wind that sent an icy chill through my body I heard his voice, close to me.

“I’m your boyfriend.”

My lips turned up into a smile, but it had faded by the time I opened my eyes, straightened, and met his eyes. “I still don’t have to take you home right now, though, right?”

He shook his head slowly, rolling his eyes at me as I pulled him back into the house, closing the door to shut out the cold before I grabbed the glass of water, laced my fingers with his, and took him back to my room.