With Trust - 20. Nucking Futs

A/N thanks to Jim for editing!

I'd been in better moods. Definitely, around Milo, I'd been in much better moods. I was frustrated, not really sure I was even thinking clearly as I drove aimlessly through town, not looking at him. If I did then I'd see how sick he looked, and then I'd stop being mad at him long enough to feel sorry for him for something that could have been avoided altogether. If Milo needed to puke he'd just have to say something.

I wasn't going to look at him.

“This isn't the way to my house,” he said.

“You really want me to drive you home?” I asked, sounding rougher than I meant to, but not necessarily regretting it.

“If you're going to keep acting like this, yeah.”

I gave in, looked to where he was buckled in, his back rigid against the passenger seat and his eyes forward, but not seeming to see what was in front of him. And he still looked like he was going to puke.

I released a shaky sigh, turned on my blinker, cut off a delivery truck and pulled into a dentist's office parking lot. I moved my car into a shaded slot, facing away from the road. “I'm sorry, Milo.” I was sincere. No less stressed over his actions, but honestly sorry for my reactions. Maybe Christina was right. I couldn't exactly argue that I wasn't being a jerk right now. When Milo didn't face me and turned to press his forehead against the cool window instead I reached to touch his shoulder. “I'm sorry,” I repeated.

He bit at his thumbnail and glanced at me sidelong. “Did you mean what you wrote?” he asked. “All of it?”

I worried at my lip, let out a breath when his eyebrow arched expectantly. “I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it.”

“Then I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry I did it for me, or for you.”

I wanted to ask him which one of us he was trying to convince. “What does this even mean? What happens now? Your dad...”

Milo shook his head. “I don't care.” He noticed when my face fell, because he quickly added, “This isn't just about us--I mean, it is...” He paused, tugged at his hair hard enough to make himself wince. “I'm explaining this wrong.”

And I frowned, mostly at myself because I wasn't exactly making things any easier for him. But I couldn't get past what a terrible choice had been made. I'd experienced what could happen when it came to his dad's involvement, and that was with us attempting to see each other in secret. I didn't want to imagine what would happen now. And it's not like this was something that was easy for Milo. I wanted to respect him for it but I couldn't get past being angry over it. I wasn't supposed to lose him because he didn't want to hide he was with me.

“It's not worth it, Nelson,” he said, drawing my attention. “It's not worth being with you if you have to be miserable so I can keep my secret.”

“I wasn't miserable... that was only when I didn't know if... it's when I didn't know.”

“When you didn't know if I cared about you,” Milo said, sounding offended and resigned all at the same time. “Well now no matter what happens, you won't think that again. That's good enough for me.”

“No matter what happens?” I repeated, not liking the sound of that at all. “And what's supposed to happen now?”

Milo leaned back in his seat. “You could stop being mad at me,” he suggested. “And maybe I could go home with you for a while.”

“My house?”

Milo nodded. “I don't really want to be anywhere near mine right now.”
…..................

I unlocked my front door, already feeling grateful that for the moment, my parents weren't home. I looked up when Milo slid his hand into mine. I squeezed his fingers, knowing my mood was bothering him, wanting him to know that I still wanted to be with him. I just needed to act like it.

“Do you want some iced tea or something?” I asked as we moved inside.

“Can we just go to your room?” he asked. “I figure I already know I can fit through the window if I have to.”

That provoked a smile from me, but I didn't comment as I led the way there, closed the door behind us and shed my backpack and jacket as Milo stood at the door and watched me. “You can come in, you know,” I remarked.

“Are you still upset?” he asked.

I sighed, reached for him and slid my arms around his waist as I let my mouth touch his. “I'm tired,” I said. “It seems like I haven't had control over anything forever now... and I'm worried about what this is going to mean. And if you're going to regret it.”
Milo met my eyes. “Me too,” he admitted. “But right now, I think... I'm feeling pretty good about it.”

“How much of that is because you think you're getting even with your dad?”

“Maybe, just a little bit,” Milo admitted, his mouth turning up as if he couldn't quite help it. I rolled my eyes, only because I couldn't resist smiling back at him.

But, I was still finding it difficult to keep my sense of humor. “What about Jame?” I asked. “What was that?”

Milo pushed gently away from me, cocked his head. “I think I'd rather talk about Brandon,” he remarked. “What was that?”

I probably had no right to consider that question unexpected, but still, the way he changed the subject didn't escape me, and neither did the way he moved onto my bed, stretching out in a way that had my eyes moving to a strip of skin where his sweater lifted away from his jeans, slightly up his abdomen.

“I kissed him.”

The skin disappeared as Milo sat up, forehead creasing. I found myself moving to sit with him, my hand moving over his knee.

“Technically, he kissed me,” I explained. “But I did kiss him back--it was only for a second. It was after I came out at school, when I didn't know what was happening with you. I stopped it because it didn't feel right, and I'm sorry it happened.”

Milo nodded slowly. “That's all that happened?”

“We had a misunderstanding,” I replied, deciding that elaborating wouldn't help anything. Obviously Brandon was still bothered by it, and I was, too, Milo being at the top of my reasons. “He didn't know about you, Milo, just the rumors. Obviously I couldn't tell him the truth so it complicated things.”

“You could've... but it doesn't matter, because now it won't be a problem.”

I sighed, not liking the reminder. “I'll talk to him... unless you don't want me to?” I asked awkwardly. Caleb always said it was trouble to talk to his ex-girlfriend in hearing range of a new one... not that it stopped him. I'd never experienced a similar problem.

Milo shook his head. “I'm not worried about it. So how did you figure out he was...”

I found myself smiling because Milo suddenly looked more interested than bothered. “I think after I came out he figured he could just put it out there.” I shrugged. “Kind of weird, huh?”

“It's kind of... cool.”

“Yeah... hey, do you think Jame will say anything about him? He heard...”

Milo sighed, obviously not liking Jame's name entering our conversation again, but this time there was less avoidance on his part. “I don't think so... but if you talk to Brandon you might want to mention his girlfriend isn't exactly careful when it comes to sharing information.”

I nodded. I hadn't thought of that. Maybe Christina meant well, but Milo had a point about her.

“But Jame won't say anything?”

“I don't know, Nelson. I'm not sure I know anything I thought I did about him.”

“So tell me,” I insisted. “It would be so much easier to see him coming if I knew what was going on.”

“He doesn't like you.”

I frowned, frustrated. “Yeah. I get that part.”

“He hates you, Nelson. That's what I'm saying... I'm not sure he had a reason for doing what he did other than that.”

I digested that for a moment, bothered. There was always a reason. At least, there was supposed to be. “I had a... conversation with him. He told me he did it because he thought he was protecting you from me.”

Milo shot me a glance that suggested that he didn't like that reasoning any more than I did. Only, Milo didn't even seem to be considering whether or not it was a valid excuse.

“Nelson... Jame spends a lot of time at my house. I know you know that, but when I say a lot of time--he keeps clothes over there. When I met him...” Milo paused, pressed his lips. “He doesn't tell people about his parents, and I'm not sure I should. So let’s just say that half of the week, he considers my house his home.”

I raised an eyebrow at that. “Yeah... I'd rather hear more about that.”

Milo rolled his eyes but thankfully, didn't avoid the topic this time. “His dad tells him they're not even related all the time. It's not true, anyone could look at them... anyway, Jame hates the guy. It's worse, because his parents are together, but his dad has a girlfriend. He stays with her four days a week and Jame and his mom pretend not to notice. When he's home... Jame started staying with us. I didn't mind,” Milo said quickly. “I really didn't... and it was kind of nice, you know? Jame actually likes my dad. Usually I don't bring friends anywhere near my house because I worry about him trying to talk to them. When you and me started hanging out, Jame figured I was telling him he couldn't be over as much. I don't know. Maybe I was. And that morning, after you left, he didn't. My dad didn't even ask him to. I did it, when he tried acting like everything was normal. After everything, he was just smiling... because he was there and you weren't. Something just seemed completely fucked up about it. I went almost a week without talking to him and finally asked him to come over because I wanted to hear about you.”

I couldn't help rolling my eyes at that, and Milo sighed.

“I know,” he agreed. “Not the best source. But the worst part is, I don't think he even has problem with me being gay as long as you're not around. Today... that was me, having enough of it. I want to care about him. Maybe I still do. He was a friend... and I don't know how I'm supposed to deal if the only reason was because he wants my life more than I do. Is it fucked up, Nels? To think that about someone?”

“I think what would be fucked up... is if it's true.”

“Yeah. It kind of would be. I guess I'm about to find out, huh?”

I frowned at him. “You mean if he goes straight to your dad and tells him you're with me? Milo, you handed over your fucking car.”

He nodded. “Yeah. I did that.”

I shook my head. “You're the one that said rubbing it in your dad's face that we're together isn't going to help anything, so why are you trying to do it?”

“I'm not,” he said quickly. “Nelson... I don't know if Jame's going to do that. I don't know what my dad will do if he does and I don't know what we're supposed to do now about anything. But today on the phone, when I heard those things people were saying... I'm tired of never doing anything. So I fixed it. And no one else gets to have an opinion about that, not even you. Not unless you can look at me and say you wouldn't have done the same thing if I was the one out and you were the one... if you were me. So stop. I don't want you to protect me anymore.”

But I did have an opinion, and it wasn't just Milo I was trying to protect, it was us. I didn't know how to tell him how frustrated I was and sound reasonable at the same time. I understood what he was telling me. I even understood that I was supposed to be happy about this, him being out. Being with me and not afraid to admit it. I wasn't supposed to feel like him wanting that was what would pull us apart again, but I did. That was the frustration. People broke up all the time, I realized that. But they were supposed to have a choice about it. We were supposed to have a choice, fight, hate each other, something that would justify it. That wasn't what I felt when I was with Milo.

I reached for him. “Come here.”
Milo leaned into me and closed his eyes as I kissed his face, sighing as his forehead came to rest against mine. “Don't be angry,” he said, sounding tired. “I don't have a lot of time before I have to go. I don't want to spend it telling you not to be angry.”
…..........

I was willing to rethink things. I mean, I told Milo all the time that he shouldn't stress out so much. At least, I used to, before there were actually things to stress out about.

What we had to put up with, just to see each other, it sucked. There was still all the same kind of unfairness about it. I was angry about it. But maybe I didn't need to be angry at him about it. What he was doing, all these things that were so unlike the Milo I knew were making him smile. Maybe I didn't have to understand it. Before he always left the impression that he thought I was too brave about things for my own good. Maybe he'd been right. But maybe, I'd never been the one who'd been brave. Maybe it had always been him, working up to the moment he was ready to just... let it go.

I'm not sure when it had all left me trying to keep up with him, but maybe I was supposed to just go with it. Maybe Milo was right, and it didn't matter what was going to happen as much as what was happening now. I wanted to be with him. That was one of the few things I wasn't uncertain about. So maybe I was supposed to be doing that while I could. Maybe that's all I really wanted. Maybe. Or maybe he was just really good at keeping me distracted.

He laughed as I caught his earlobe between my teeth and my fingers found his ribs. I had him out of his shirt, the button on his jeans undone and I could feel him, hard against me where he straddled my knee on my bedroom floor. His breaths became heavy as I moved my mouth to his neck, my lips tracing patterns while my thumb brushed over his nipple as I explored his bare chest.

Milo tugged at my shirt, decidedly frustrated as he pressed his hips forward and tilted his head to catch my mouth with his. He sighed when I cupped him through his jeans and sat up as my fingers hooked in his pants, over his boxers as I tugged them downwards, his clothes catching on his hip before we both looked up when there was a knock on my door.

“Nelson?” my mom called as she tried the door, which thankfully, I'd locked.

“I'm... changing!” I yelled, already moving to my feet with Milo, who nearly zipped up his pants with my fingers still in them.

“Well I'm home, and I'm leaving your laundry right here,” she said. “Make sure it gets put away.”

“Yeah, okay” I agreed, feeling as relieved as Milo looked.

I held onto him as we both waited, straining to hear as my mom moved back up the stairs. His green eyes turned to mine, a slow smile moving over his mouth. “Do you think she heard us?” he whispered.

I shook my head. “No, but if I stay buried down here she'll be back. I'm pretty sure it was my turn to feed the goat.”

Milo was already reaching for his shirt and I sighed as I watched him pull it over his head and smooth his hair down with his fingers. “Milo? You don't have to go just because she's home... maybe we could talk to her.”

He raised an eyebrow. “What for?”

I shrugged. “I don't know... she kind of has experience with this kind of thing. She's a parent. Your dad's a parent...”

“Your mom doesn't need to talk to my dad,” Milo said, eyes wide. “Nelson, he's an ass, and your mom...”

“I think she could handle him,” I insisted. “Maybe she could...I don't know, help us?”

He sighed. “I know my dad talked to your uncle, Nelson. What makes you think she won't just... maybe she'll want you away from me. Why risk it? It seems like we already have enough problems and I don't want to spend my time with you trying to solve the ones that can't be fixed.”

“It's not that she wants you away from me,” I insisted, feeling somewhat defensive on my mom's behalf. “It's true, she doesn't want me in trouble... but she's never let me down when it counts. It's worth it, to see if she can help. And if she says she can't... I'm still not going anywhere. Besides, if I have to drive you home I'm not sneaking you out the window.”

He made a face. “I should get home... look, if you want to talk to your mom, we'll talk to your mom.”

I raised a suspicious eyebrow. “You're being agreeable.”

Milo rolled his eyes and shrugged. “I'll do whatever you want if you stop stressing... but it's not going to work.”

I had a sneaking suspicion that he was right. My mom would likely be more than willing to talk to Mr. Trust, but there was no telling if he'd be willing to listen. Hell, even if he'd listen enough to try to accept his son there was no saying he would have any desire to allow Milo near me.

I reached for his hand and watched him as his eyes drifted towards our fingers as they slid together, wishing I understood him better. As ridiculous as it seemed to me, the fact that he wasn't putting up more of a fight when it came to parental intervention was what set off my second thoughts.

Maybe it would be better if my mom never even knew he was there. Maybe I was supposed to drop him off a block away from his house and wait to hear from him again, wait for him to tell me his dad knew he wasn't hiding anymore so naturally, he'd never be leaving his house again.

That was bullshit. I remembered when Chad finally brought Leanna home to meet the family. He'd been talking about her for weeks, not seeming to mind when my mom badgered him about inviting her to dinner. Chad had never brought home girls very often, so when Leanna showed up it was like him telling us she was special, but then so was the way she'd had him blushing all through dinner. I'd wondered if I'd ever bring anyone home. By then I'd known my family would be accepting, so it was more a frustrating matter of whether or not I'd ever find someone who I wanted to bring home.

But now I wanted that with Milo. No more windows for him. Not for me, either, I guess. Strange, how I'd been out for weeks, listening to what people thought of me, wanting to go back. Milo had been out for a couple hours and as much as I wanted to shove him back in the closet I couldn't help wanting other things, too. Like, to bring him home for dinner, or hold his hand at a party and gloat because I had him because he wanted to be with me. And because he wasn't afraid of it anymore.

“Come on,” I said as I reached to unlock my door and gave his hand a tug. “I want you to meet my mom.”

“Um... I've done that. A few times...”

“I know,” I said, smirking at the annoyed look on his face. “But she's never met my boyfriend.”

I opened my bedroom door, but he was suddenly tugging me back, regarding me seriously. “Nelson, before we go up there, I have to tell...”

“Nelson?”

My mom's voice, somewhere above the stairs reached my ears and I sighed as I looked over my shoulder. “Yeah?” I called, and then looked at Milo again. “What?” I asked.

“If your mom's going to talk to my dad...”

“You need to come up here!” my mom said urgently, and then, “Bring Milo with you.”

I turned to face him, wide-eyed and frozen. He stared at the stairs behind me, expression blank.

“How did she...” I started, but Milo's green eyes suddenly snapped to mine, his fingers tightening around my hand.

“I'll call you tonight,” he said quickly. “You should still go to Jerry's.” He leaned forward and dropped a kiss over the corner of my mouth so quickly I hardly noticed he was there, and then he was letting go of me, heading up the stairs.

“Hey, wait a minute,” I insisted, catching up to him before he was halfway up them. “Milo...”

“I don't want to sit down,” a gruff voice reached my ears, cutting me off and forcing my gaze at Milo, who looked resigned, even while his steps slowed.

“Mr. Trust... Thom,” my mom said, sounding frustrated. “If Milo is here...”

“He's here,” Mr. Trust insisted as I managed to catch Milo's wrist and forced him to meet my eyes.

I opened my mouth, wanting to say something but he cut me off. “I have to go, Nelson. Trust me, you don't want to be anywhere near my dad.”

“Just, give it a second. Let my mom talk to him. You can stay right here.”

“If that's the case,” my mom was saying, “then what's the harm in it? Our boys have been friends. They don't get in too much trouble...”

“I believe my son's juvenile record started when he met your son,” Mr. Trust replied, seeming unconvinced. “Now Nelson is dragging him into whatever sick ideas...”

“Hey,” my mom snapped, her tone growing into something Chad and I had only ever heard for our worst offenses. “Let's not pretend we don't know what we're talking about here, and let’s not pretend that you're stupid enough to believe Nelson has convinced Milo to do something he doesn't want to do. Your son is gay, and mine didn't cause that.”

Milo, who was still attempting to remove his hand from my grip suddenly froze, his head cocking in a way that suggested he wanted a better hearing advantage, and I frowned as I watched his eyes narrow at his father's next words. “He's confused, there's a difference. Now I've told your son and I'll tell you--stay away from him. Now get him out here, Mrs. Larmont, before I have to call the police. Again.”

“I'll call them for you,” my mom retorted. “I’d like to make a few complaints of my own.”

“Excuse me?” Milo's dad demanded.

“You heard me, Mr. Trust. You just walked into my house, talking about my son. You may think it's okay to bully yours, but you won't do it to mine. Now the way I see it, you can sit down and we can talk about this like adults, or you can get out of my house because I just decided that Milo isn't here.”

“You've got to be kidding me,” he snapped.

I looked at Milo.

“Stay here,” I insisted.

“Nelson, don't,” Milo hissed.

But I was already letting go of him and moving towards the living room. It took a moment for them to notice me. My mom was uncharacteristically red in the face as she shook her head at Milo's dad where he held a cell phone, glaring at it as if he expected it to call the cavalry all by itself. And then he noticed me.

I should have been used to it by now . They way he looked at me almost hurt. I actually had a physical, gut-wrenching reaction to it.

“Where is he?” Mr. Trust demanded, and I suddenly felt as if my mother's presence had been an amusement for him until I arrived, ready to feel all the anger he'd been saving just for me. I saw him coming towards me and had the sudden defensive urge to flee. But then my mom was standing between us and I wanted to watch him melt because the way he kept coming, like he was going to walk right through her, was infuriating.

“Mr. Trust!” my mom snapped, moving a protective arm over my shoulders as I stepped up beside her.

“I told you to stay away!” Thompson Trust growled, his finger threateningly in my face. My mom waved it away.

“Milo's not here,” I said, but my voice didn't sound like my own, but something smaller, afraid.

Instead of responding to me, Mr. Trust glared at my mother. “And he's a liar, too. You must be such a proud parent.”

So, maybe the lying part was true, but he had no right to talk about my mom's parenting skills.

“You think you're a parent? That's fucking hilarious!” I retorted, trying not to notice the way my mom had moved between us, looking like she was more than ready to gag me.

“Where. Is. My. Son?”

I snorted. “You're such a great parent, figure it out yourself,” I remarked.

Milo's dad looked at my mom in a way I didn't appreciate at all. “I'm giving you one minute to figure out where he is.”

“Or what?” she demanded.

Mr. Trust glared at me again. “His car shows up. He doesn't. Where is he, Nelson?”

“I'm right here,” Milo said, and I looked twice before I accepted the fact that he was standing beside me, looking apologetic as he faced my mom. “Thank you for trying,” he said quietly, and she sighed before smiling gently at him, reaching out to touch his shoulder. I wanted to reach for him, too, but I felt like he was avoiding my eyes as his gaze reluctantly drifted to his father. “I would have been home soon.”

Mr. Trust wasted no time opening our front door, glaring at Milo. “Get in the car. Now.”

“Nelson was going to take me home,” Milo said quietly, as if he didn't have the energy to argue but thought that he should try, anyway.

Milo sighed, looked at me even as he headed to the front door. “I'll see you later,” he said.

“No you won't.” his dad remarked.

“Mr. Trust...” my mom started, but he raised a defensive hand and glared at her, cutting her off.

“Leave us alone.” He regarded us for a moment as if he needed reassurance we weren't going to follow him before he turned to go, but he came up short as he found Milo standing between him and the door, the younger of the two Trusts shaking his head slowly, disappointment touching his features.

“I hate you.”

Mr. Trust's shoulders stiffened, as if he hadn't seen that coming, and when Milo turned and walked away his father followed, closing the door between us and them.

My mom let out a breath she'd been holding. “That man... ugh. Are you okay?” her frustration turned to motherly concern as she hugged me.

“Yeah,” I replied, and oddly enough, I meant it. Probably because this time I'd seen it coming. Because Milo said he'd call. “Milo came out.”

“I know. Emily called me. I take it his dad still isn't interested in accepting it.”

I shook my head. “He came out at school, too.”

My mom's brow creased and she looked at our front door as if there was something bothersome on the other side of it. “Nelson...”

“I'm not staying away from him,” I said quietly, regarding her seriously when she turned and met my eyes. “I'm sorry, but I can't. He doesn't have anyone else.”

My mom worried at her lip and rubbed at her temple. “Does his dad even know? After everything that's happened to you...”
“I couldn't really tell,” I admitted. “But Mom, his dad isn't going to be okay with it.”

“ I'm seeing that... I'm going to call your father; meanwhile, you stay away from that man.”

I opened my mouth to object but she shook her head at me.

“I mean it, Nelson. I'm not saying don't talk to Milo... I'm saying don't get caught. And stay away from that man.” She shook her head again, this time incredulous. “Actually, I'm not calling your dad, I'm just going to drive down to Hollander’s, talk to him that way.”

“What are you going to do?” I asked.

“I don't know. But I'm angry.”

…................

Milo said go to Jerry's. I think, despite knowing it was impossible, I'd hoped he'd be there. That was the only reason I would have gone in the first place, and it was the only reason why I still picked up Haily and drove over there when she called three times in a row demanding to know what was taking me so long.

I told her what had happened and she decided it was an even better reason to get to Jerry's, despite the way I asked her not to make a big deal about it because I didn't want to disrupt Jerry's birthday and I didn't think Milo would want to, either.

She told me disruptive would have been the way I insisted on waiting in my car when we got there.

There was a reason why I'd avoided parties, even ones where there were people who I could call friend. Haily had insisted that Jerry was only having a small get-together, and I believed her when there didn't appear to be many cars around his house. And I guess normally it would have helped that apart from Jerry and Jonathan, I didn't really know anyone else. Or more to the point, they didn't know me. But they knew Milo. These were people who he went to school with, and after the events of the day I found myself terrified as I walked into Jerry's basement, wondering what they saw when they looked at me, what they knew. If they knew anything about him. As far as I knew he hadn't come out to anyone in Stratfort apart from Jerry, and as impossible as it seemed, I wanted to keep it that way. On the off chance that Jame hadn't mentioned what Milo had done to Mr. Trust, I wanted to keep it from his father for as long as possible.

And I guess the people attending Jerry's party seemed nice enough. I guess I didn't really make an effort to find out for sure. I was too busy staring at the basement door, waiting for someone who wasn't going to walk through it and wondering if I should have stayed home to wait for my parents.

Don't think about it. Don't obsess over it.
“How's it goin' Nelson?”

I looked up and tried to smile at Jerry as I took a sip of the soda I was holding.

“Hey, happy birthday.”

Jerry smirked. “You already told me. Thanks for the hat.”

“Haily picked it out.”

“She told me.” He glanced at the drink in my hand, followed my gaze to the door when it drifted that way before I could stop it. “If you want to drink something harder than that, you can both stay here tonight.”

“That's okay... but thanks.”

Jerry nodded, looked as if he might walk away for a second, and then opened his mouth again. “I hope he shows up.”

I sighed. “Me, too.” I looked at Jerry, feeling awkward because it was his birthday and I was being miserable, but unable to resist the invitation to bring up the only thing on my mind. “I don't think he's going to. I don't think he can.”

Jerry nodded in agreement. “I figured... his dad's pretty bent out of shape, then? Haily said he came to your house. That must've been interesting.”

“Yeah. Interesting,” I muttered.

“Milo's dad likes gettin' his way,” Jerry said, as if I hadn't figured that out. Then he smiled at me. “But so does Milo, right?”

I nodded awkwardly, knowing he was trying to cheer me up but not sure I was in the mood for it. The feeling passed as the phone rang in my pocket and I scrambled for it, nearly spilling my drink in the process before Jerry reached out and grabbed it from me, laughing.

I flashed him a grateful look for saving my shirt as I got the phone to my ear. “Hey.”

“What are you doing?” Milo asked. His voice sounded hoarse and he was speaking in a whisper, leading me to wonder where he was hiding.

“I'm at Jerry's,” I said, walking across the basement in search of a quiet corner, away from listening ears. I stopped just in front of the door and turned away from the noise. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Can't get out, though. Will you tell your mom I'm sorry about my dad?”

“She's not upset with you, Milo,” I insisted. “Look, her and my dad want to try to talk to him again.”

Milo released an exasperated sound. “Please tell them not to, Nelson. He's just going to be a jerk. Look, I can't talk long. My dad was supposed to go out of town tomorrow, now he wants me to go with him because he says he can't trust me.”

I frowned. “How long?”

Milo was silent for a moment. “Actually... I figured I just wouldn't go.”

I considered that and tried to ignore the sudden knot those words caused in my stomach.

“What are you going to do?” I whispered. “Milo, if you're going to do something to make things worse...”

“It can't get worse... I want to see you.”

“I thought you said you can't get out.”

He was silent again.

“Milo?”

“I'm sorry.”

I could hardly hear him. “Why are you sorry?” I was beginning to wonder if we were even having the same conversation, and he sounded so down I couldn't help worrying over it. “Tell me what's going on.”

“If I asked you to meet me in the morning, would you?”

“Where?” I asked, because we both knew he didn't have to ask.

“Hangman should be quiet. Earlier would better.”

“Okay,” I agreed. “Now will you tell me what's going on? What happened after you left? Are you okay?”

“I'm okay... I'll call you in the morning.”

I didn't believe the first part of that, but he seemed unwilling to let me say so as he hung up, leaving me to stare at the phone while fighting the urge to throw it at something. It didn't help when I looked up and spotted the perfect target.

The way Jame Graham was looking at me, eyes narrowed and cheeks red was expected. The way he was suddenly moving hostilely in my direction wasn't. As far as I was concerned, this was the worst timing he'd ever had.

My boyfriend was upset. He was hurting and I couldn't reach him, and at the moment that was Jame's fault, because he was there, looking at me like I didn't belong. He wanted me away. And he could go fuck himself.

“Every time I turn around,” he remarked before he even reached me. “What the hell are you trying to do, Larmont?”

“What about you?” I snapped. “Do you even have any idea what Milo's going through right now? Do you even care? You couldn't just for once, think about someone besides yourself? What did you think would happen to Milo after you told his dad he was with me?”

“What did you think would happen to him because you won't go away?” Jame retorted.

“You did what?”

I looked up the same time Jame did, feeling somewhat startled to find Jerry next to me again. But I was suddenly more concerned over the curious gazes that were aimed in our direction and I bit my tongue, frustrated because I'd drawn exactly the kind of attention I'd wanted to avoid. It seemed like a good enough reason to worry, that I was the only one who noticed as Jerry regarded Jame questioningly and Jame made a point to look offended. It was Jame, as usual, who had something to say first. “What is he even doing here, Jerry?” he demanded. “You know what's going on.”

“That's Milo's business,” Jerry replied. “He'll tell Nelson. And Nels is here because I happen to like him.”

“No, you like his friend, and you're putting in way too much effort. She's a slut.”

“You really shouldn't say things like that about me,” Haily said before I could respond to that. “When I'm standing behind you. With a drink.” Jerry shot her a warning look that was rather impressive and she rolled her eyes at him. “Whatever,” she remarked, and did nothing more than sip her drink.

I found myself frowning at Jerry, not caring about the current subject as much as the last one. “What will Milo tell me?”

“Not what he should,” Jame mumbled, and I glared at him.

“You told his dad on him? What are you, five?” Jerry asked Jame, going back to his earlier question.

Jame shook his head, incredulous. “No. Fuck. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Oh, shut up,” Haily snapped. “Don't act like it's not a good question after what you did to Nelson. And you're lying.”

Jame turned enough to look at her. “You shut up, bitch.”

“Alright,” Jerry said, shaking his head at Jame as he moved closer to Haily. “I think you should leave.”

Jame opened his mouth as he regarded Jerry with more hurt than I thought Jame Graham was capable of before he abruptly snapped it shut, shook his head and walked away.

He hadn't gotten far before Haily narrowed her eyes on Jerry. “Just because you're not supposed to hit Milo doesn't mean you can't hit him.”

“What does Milo have to tell me?” I cut off any response Jerry might have, and the amused look he was flashing at Haily quickly disappeared.

“You've gotta ask him,” Jerry insisted. “I'm not even supposed to know but Jame doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut. Sorry, Nelson, but I think I've hurt Milo enough for one week.”

I gritted my teeth, but didn't bother arguing with him. There was still one other person close enough to tell me what was going on, and if the news was bad I highly doubted he'd avoid rubbing it in my face.

“Nelson, hold on!” Haily called after me as I headed after Jame where he'd walked out through the garage.

“Jame!” I called out as I moved out the door leading out to the side of the house but it didn't seem necessary when I nearly jogged into Jame's back. “Hey, wait a minute.”

He made a disgusted sound and picked up his pace. “You need to stay away from me. You really, really need to stay away from me.”

“Jame.” I caught up to him as we reached the driveway, falling into step alongside him but cautiously distant. “You didn't tell his dad.” I sounded awed by the statement to my own ears. Jame spun on me suddenly, furious and offended. He opened his mouth to respond but I made a point to jump in first. “Hey, like Haily said... given your track record...”

“Milo isn't you,” Jame retorted. “I wouldn't...”

“He thinks you would,” I cut him off, and he seemed to come up short as he clenched his jaw and avoided my eyes.

A few short breaths and Jame lowered his voice to a growl. “Congratulations. You win.”

That offended me. “This isn't a competition to me!”

Jame narrowed his eyes, curled up his lip and took an aggressive step in my direction. “Really? Because the last time I checked, everything was a game to you. The way you walk around like you own the world. You take everything. You and every one of your asshole friends!”

I shook my head at him, more stunned than anything. “What have I ever taken from you?”

Jame snorted, nodded towards Jerry's house. “Look around. You have people bending over backwards for you and you don't even care about what it could cost them.”

“I didn't steal your friends,” I snapped. “And you cost Milo, not me. You didn't like a choice he made and decided to do something about it. Did it ever occur to you that coming after me would get to him? I didn't want him out any more than you did, but it's done, and I'm not leaving him. If you're really his friend, you won't either.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No, actually.” I frowned at him. “Trust me, after everything you've already done I'd rather jack off with a cactus than watch you get close to him again. But he cares about you, no matter how he's feeling right now and I care about him. And you don't even know--you have no idea, do you? He's probably the most loyal friend you've ever had. You know sides of him I'm just how seeing and I hate you for it, but I need you,because I don't know how to get through to him. I don't understand what the hell he's trying to do, but if he keeps up what he's doing with his dad he's going to end up miserable, and I'm hoping neither one of us want that.”

Jame shook his head at me, incredulous, made a sound that wasn't quite a laugh. “You think I don't care about him? I care. Why do you think I tried to stop him from getting anywhere near you? And you're the one who doesn't get it. His dad cares about him, too. He wants things for him, and none of it includes you. And now thanks to you, Milo's forgotten about all of it. What do you think his dad will have to do now to fix it?”

“Are you even listening? His dad, Jame. He wants things for him? What about what Milo wants? He's the one who's supposed to be your friend. All I hear about from you is what you want. What his dad wants. Fuck. Why doesn't what he wants count for anything?”

“What he wants,” Jame spat, “is to be normal. Thanks to you he can't do that here anymore, and he's not going to realize it until he's gone.”

I felt a chill, a cold drip down my spine. “What are you talking about?”

Jame rolled his eyes. “Are you really that self-centered? You think he has feelings for you?” he mocked. “We'll see how long they last when he's a thousand miles away.” Jame paused, laughed at the look on my face. “His dad told him he was going to buy a ticket this morning. If he'd just stayed away from you, he wouldn't have to use it. And think whatever you want, but I didn't want him to have to use it, either.”

….............

My boyfriend was a liar.

He'd known. He knew what was coming and he didn't tell me.

Gone. He'd be gone.

I didn't get it.

And of course, if he'd known he was leaving...I guess it made sense. Coming out, not caring anymore... maybe this was why. Except, there had to be more. He was supposed to stay away from me and didn't, and now there were consequences. The thought of him wanting to accept them all because he didn't want to stay away, because he wanted to fix what had been done before he was gone made me want to be closer to him. In a way it made it all too impossible for me to stay mad at him. But the fact remained that he hadn't told me. Was he even going to?

“Nels? Are you alright?”

I looked up as Haily approached me where I'd sat on the curb in front of Jerry's house and watched Jame disappear on foot around the block. I shook my head at her. “No.”

She took a seat next to me and frowned. “Hey, Jerry just called over to Milo's. He's not coming.”

“I know.”

She placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. “You know, if you want to talk to him, Jerry has the number. Maybe if he calls back you can...”

I forced a smile in her direction as I moved my hand to my jacket pocket, gripped the thin cell phone. “That's okay. He'll let me know when he can talk.”

“So do you really think Jame told Milo's dad?”

I let out breath. “Actually, no. But he's not exactly helping anything. Look, do you think Jerry can get you home? I kind of need to get out of here.”

Haily sighed. “Nelson, don't leave. Jame's gone, so...”

I was already standing up. “I'm sorry. I just... need to sort some stuff out okay? I'll see you at school.”

“Maybe I should go with you,” Haily said as she followed me towards the street where I'd left my car. “Nelson, if you need to talk...”

I smiled at her. “I'm okay,” I insisted. “So can you get Jerry to take you home? If not I can come back, or...”

Haily rolled her eyes at me. “I'll be fine, Nelson. Just, call if you need to talk, okay? I'll be home early.”

We'd reached my car and I paused as I touched the door and looked back at her. The sun was still setting and it wasn't dark enough for the street lights just yet. Plenty of light to see that she was sincere, and for a moment I felt bad about it. It hadn't been so long ago that she hadn't been speaking to me, and now she'd gotten past everything. I wondered if I'd appreciate that about Haily more if every time I turned around there wasn't more drama, more worrying about Milo.

“That thing Jerry didn't want to tell me... Milo's dad wants to send him away. Jame thinks the last straw was when he came home with me today... it's because he won't stay away from me.”

Haily frowned as she moved a little closer. “That seems a little... extreme. Are you sure? Because if this came from Jame...”

“I feel like, Milo doesn't care what happens to him anymore,” I explained. “I've spent all day, trying to figure out why he's pushing things, and why he's doing things that he never would have done if... he never would have had to do, if he'd never met me.”

Haily shook her head. “He's lucky he met you,” she insisted. “Think about it, Nels, if he'd never met you, all he'd have was Assface.”

I smirked. “And he wouldn't have to leave,” I said quietly. “He didn't even tell me, Haily. His dad's going to send him away because I'm that big of a problem. How is he lucky? I feel like I've taken his whole life away. And he needs to do something to stop that, or I'll do it for him.”

Haily narrowed her eyes. “What does that mean?”

I sighed. “It means I should have left him alone.”

“Well that's just stupid,” Haily remarked, raising a challenging eyebrow when I frowned at her. “Well, it is. You should let Milo decide that. Maybe you're more important to him than what he had before. I'd ask him, Nels. Because I really, really don't want to see you hurting again. After what Milo did today--I don't think he does, either.”

I let out a tired breath. “What does that matter if he leaves?” Haily looked at me as if she wanted to say more encouraging words, but I shook my head before she could. “I'm going home. I'm supposed to wait...I'm tired of waiting.”

It seemed like waiting was all I ever did anymore. I waited for Milo to call, to see him. I waited for his dad to take him away from me over and over again and now I was waiting for him to tell me goodbye. Was he even going to? I'd go home, I'd wait, and then I'd ask him.