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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
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Exes and Ohs - 7. Chapter 7 Another Man's Shoes

Evolution.

                                                                                                                                                                 ***

 

“Hey.”

Drake stood up as Richard approached. “Hey.”

“Is this okay? I didn’t mean to intrude.”

“You didn’t.” The sun was low on his left side, and it highlighted the amber eyes of the man who faced it, showing stark uncertainty. Drake felt no inclination to put him at ease.

“Will you sit and talk with me?”

“About what?”

“Us… what happened.”

“Do you really think that’s necessary?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Why?” Drake was finding he could hold the eye contact, and that fact calmed him.

“Jeez, I don’t know, Drake. I think we need—”

“If you say closure, I’m going to scream.” He softened his words with the smallest of smiles.

“Fair enough. Look, I have a good life, and I’m a lucky man in so many ways, but how we left things—the way I hurt you—it’s something that haunts me to this day.”

“So you think a few words will change that?”

“Honestly, I don’t know, but maybe. I’d like to try and explain, and you didn’t want to hear anything I had to say back then.”

“Fuck, do you blame me?” It came out sharp and angry, but Drake didn’t care.

“No, absolutely not. I know you think I screwed you over, but—”

“Because you did. You did screw me over!” He sat down hard, leaning forward with his head bent down toward his knees and his hands gripping the back of his neck.

“Are you okay?”

Drake’s head slowly rose. “No. I’m pissed. Quite frankly, I don’t give a shit that you’ve been feeling haunted.”

“I am so sorry.”

“Sorry? We talked about marriage and kids and everything else under the sun, but in all that time together you couldn’t manage to tell me you were bisexual? It’s great you’re sorry, though,” he said sarcastically.

He edged as far away as he could when Richard sat down beside him, and neither man said a word for a long minute.

“At the time, I really thought that’s how our lives would go, you know? That we would get married and build a life together.”

“Right… and what, keep your true nature hidden from me?”

“No… no… figuring out that stuff was a real struggle for me, I swear.”

“Yeah, I’m sure it was,” he said with more sarcasm. “I remember our last time together, before you ripped my heart out… do you?”

“Of course I do. I’ll never forget it.”

“Okay, then answer me this. How could you have been so fucking romantic, and tell me over and over how much you loved me—then two days later tell me we had no future and, oh yeah, you were in love with Bernadette? You strung me along like a fucking fool. I don’t know how you could do that when you knew… you fucking knew!”

“I did love you, Drake… and I needed to say it then, as often as I could, while I still had the chance. I was running out of time because I knew you’d never want to hear those words from me again. I’d planned to come clean about everything the next day, and that was my last chance. I… I wanted us to have one last day where I could pretend I didn’t have to let you go.”

“Let me go? Fuck you, Richard. You mean dump me.”

“It’s not how it felt to me,” Richard protested feebly.

“Whatever… it was a cruel thing to do, letting me think everything was great when you fucking knew we were done. And you didn’t tell me the next day.”

“No, I chickened out and stayed in my dorm. I knew what I had to do, but I couldn’t… it’s why I told you I wasn’t feeling well. I went through hell that day… I didn’t speak to anyone after I called you. I know how it looked, but I wasn’t stringing you along, and I didn’t mean to be cruel—”

“You can justify what you did it if helps you sleep at night, but don’t expect me too. And I don’t believe you ever really loved me.”

“Fuck, Drake, I loved you so much, and I still care about you… I always will.”

He didn’t respond, other than to shake his head in disbelief. It didn’t make sense. He’d made a choice, and it hadn’t been Drake.

“You don’t understand—”

“No, I don’t, so make me understand. Explain to me how my gay boyfriend fell in love with a woman while he was with me, and then threw me away with no warning whatsoever. Fucking explain that! Then again, don’t bother.” He started to stand up when a hand on his arm stopped him.

“Please, Drake. Let me at least try. I get why you hate me, but this may be the only chance we get.”

He hesitated, and slowly sat back down. He pictured Jimmy’s face, and the expression his friend would wear if he returned in this state of mind. “Go ahead. Give it a shot.” His voice had lost its disgusted edge, at least for the moment.

“Thank you. I… I didn’t know what was happening to me back then. Out of the blue, I started dreaming about women, and—”

“When you were with me?” he asked, interrupting.

“No, I don’t think so, at least not at first. Just when we spent nights in our own dorm rooms. The first few times, I thought it was no big deal. Mostly it was just body parts.”

“What, like boobs and pussy?” Drake couldn’t help feeling mortified. “Is that what you were thinking of when we were having sex?”

“Drake, no. Never. And it started out as things like a woman’s neck or throat, and lips… soft skin. I only thought about you when we were together, I swear. It was just dreams at first, but when it started happening more and more, I began to freak out. Remember when I talked to you about trying to get into the same dorm room?”

It took a moment for Drake to recall what Richard was talking about. “Yeah, I remember. The registrar said it couldn’t be done so late in the year, I think.”

“Exactly. Well, that was why I wanted to do it. I thought the dreams would stop if we slept together every night. I realize now they wouldn’t have, but, like I said, I was freaking out, especially when the body parts became girls at school… and then Bernadette.”

“Your old girlfriend,” Drake said softly. “The one who hooked up with Brian and dropped you over the phone. The one you said you hated.”

While blowing out a big breath, Richard said, “Yes.”

“As soon as you dreamt about her or any other girl in that way, you should have told me.”

“You’re right, but I told myself it was only dreams, and I didn’t understand what they meant. With Bernadette, I figured it was because we had two classes together and had started talking again. I thought I was getting, I don’t know… mixed up with memories of her and me back when we were together. I loved you so much.”

Drake huffed at the audacity. “Not as much as Bernadette it turned out.”

“That’s not true, but I don’t expect you to accept that.”

“If it's not, why was I the one to lose?”

“That’s the thing, Drake. As happy as I am with my life, I lost too.”

“Yeah, right,” he scoffed.

Richard hung his head in a gesture of defeat.

“Okay. So what made you decide I wasn’t who you wanted anymore?” He peered at the man as his head came back up.

“It wasn’t like that. I saw a therapist when it got too intense to ignore. She told me my sexuality was evolving, and it was something she'd seen a number of times.”

“When? When did you see a therapist?”

“Between classes on Wednesdays, at the Student Care building. I saw her some Fridays too. I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid of losing you.”

“What the hell did she mean?”

“It’s hard to explain it all.”

“Isn’t that why I’m still sitting here?”

“Yeah, it is, and I’m trying. Basically, she said because I was never interested in, or even looked at any guy other than you, my feelings likely had little to do with your gender.”

“I’m confused. So, you were bisexual?”

“Look… no. It’s not about labels, but if I was bi, maybe we could have worked. Anyway, she said it was possible to love someone of the same sex and still be straight. My true sexuality was exerting itself, and I could try to suppress it, but she didn’t recommend it… it would win out eventually.”

“I don’t get it.”

“I didn’t either for a while.” He exhaled loudly, and then swallowed a few times. Drake noticed his hands were trembling, but no sympathy arose. “Damn, Drake. This is hard. I know I’m doing a piss poor job of explaining. I wish I had taken you with me when I started seeing her. She suggested it, but I was terrified of you walking away from me.”

“I might have, but that was my decision to make, not yours. You had no right.”

“I know, and I’m sorry.”

“That’s your third sorry, and it means nothing to me. So, your sexuality was exerting itself… you mean you were becoming straight?”

“It took me a while to come to that conclusion, but yeah.”

“And how did you finally reach that conclusion?”

“A lot of things, Drake. I started noticing women when I was awake. I tried to convince myself I was fixating, and worrying too much, but I remembered what it was like to make love to them. They were having a constant effect on me.”

“Yet you were still having sex with me.” He shook his head in disgust.

“Yes, and it made me feel so guilty to have those thoughts, but honestly, I had no control over them. As much as I fought it, nothing worked. I must have wished them away a million times.”

“And you’re saying I was the only guy you’ve ever been interested in sexually?”

“Yes.”

“Lucky me,” he spat out bitterly. “How do you know you won’t be interested in some guy in the future?”

“I just know.”

“Like when you knew you were gay?”

“It happens more than you think, Drake. Sandra, my therapist, said it happens a lot where people fall in love with someone of the same sex, especially when they are young, but that’s not the gender they’re wired for. It’s the same as men who think they’re straight, but turn out gay. It’s called latent sexuality, and can happen at any time in a person’s life.”

“I know what latent is, but, fuck… we were together for so long.” He stood up and moved a couple of steps away, trying to stem those resurging feelings of betrayal. “You and Bernadette, how did that happen? You were sleeping with both of us?”

Richard stayed seated. “I’m not proud of it, but yes, we did sleep together once before I told you. I had to be sure, Drake… it was the final piece for me.”

Even after all this time, hearing those words hurt, but he made himself stand there and hear the man out.

“Bernadette and I had been talking for a couple of months… Sandra encouraged it because she said it would help me clarify stuff. It turned out Bernadette had always regretted what she’d done. She was going to try to win me back when she found out about you and me. She… backed away.”

“That’s so sweet of her. Sounds like a fucking fairy tale.”

“Drake—”

“Look, I’m not trying to be an ass. This is not a pleasant thing to be reliving. Fuck!” The urge to run got stronger, but he forced himself to stay put.

“You have every reason to hate me. I had no right to keep you in the dark. I was selfish, and I was a coward.”

“Fucking right I have every reason—you were a bastard to handle it the way you did. All this was happening behind my back, and I was the last to know when I should have been the first.”

Richard nodded, and Drake saw his shame. “I can second guess how I did what I did, and I do all the time, but yeah, you were the last to know. Drake?”

He met the man’s gaze, but said nothing.

“I know it’s no excuse, but I didn’t want to give in. I didn’t want to give you up.” The man looked truly shaken now.

“And yet you did.”

“It was the best thing I could do for you. I know it didn’t seem like it at the time, not really even to me, but I have no doubts now I did the right thing. But, fuck it hurt.”

“It hurt? Yeah, okay… if you say so… I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt there, but you had Bernadette. I had no one.”

“I know, I know, and I didn’t have a clue how you were doing because you wouldn’t talk to me. I asked around, but you weren’t talking to anyone.”

“Christ, Richard! Did you really expect me to?”

He dropped his head down and shook it before he softly uttered, “To me, no.”

“You have no idea how much you messed me up.”

“I wanted to be there for you, Drake, I really did. I kept hoping you would reach out, but…. That whole next year I hated myself. I felt like I didn’t deserve to be happy, and it almost ended Bernadette and me.

“She kept getting frustrated, and we fought a lot… I was trying to punish myself, but all I ended up doing was hurting her. Finally, I snapped out of it, thanks to more therapy. I was lucky she stuck with me through it all. She never gave up, despite me being a dick at times.”

Drake turned around, away from Richard, trying to calm down as he looked out over the darkening golf course. He was tired of being angry. “Doesn’t she worry you’ll… revert?”

“Revert?” Richard sounded surprised. “No, I don’t think so. She was worried at the beginning, when we first started talking, but Sandra helped her understand. She explained it all to her over the course of a few weeks, and it all began to fall into place for both of us.”

“You took her to see your therapist.” Drake turned to face him again, snorting at the same time. It didn’t seem fair, but none of this did.

“Yes, I did.” He had the decency to look guilty before he continued. “That was at Sandra’s urging too. But, and this is important for you to understand—I had to let you go even if there was no Bernadette. I wasn’t what you deserved.”

Drake studied the man, and saw the naked honesty on a face he knew well. “Well, that sounds noble.” He sighed and sat back down. What did it all matter now?

“It’s not noble at all. Once I was certain, I couldn’t live a lie.”

“Isn’t that what you were already doing?”

Richard nodded, and he looked miserable doing so. “Be honest, Drake. If there was no Bernadette, and I’d told you I was sexually attracted to women, how long would we have lasted? How long before trust would have been an issue?”

“It would have been a deal breaker for me.”

“And I knew that.”

Drake sighed. He’d heard enough. They’d been doomed from the start, and Richard was right to call himself selfish. He’d deserved better from the man. “Don’t you need to get back to your pregnant wife? Does she know you’re out here talking to me?”

“She does. I tell her everything. She pushed me to go find you and try to make things right. I’m not the only one who feels guilty, and you know she always liked you back when our group hung out together.”

Yeah, talking about his one-time friendship with Richard’s wife was not a place he wanted to go. It had ended the first time Richard asked him out. “Well, I should get back. Dean’s a worrier.”

“He seems like a nice guy, and he’s handsome. You two look good together… like you’re really in love.”

“You think so?” Drake cringed and looked away quickly as he thought of their charade and how convincing it was.

“Aren’t you? Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing’s wrong. Why are you asking me that?”

“Sorry, but your expression changed and—”

“I have trust issues, and they get in the way.” It was as honest a response as he could give.

“I’m sorry. That’s my fault, isn’t it?”

“What do you want me to say, Richard? It is what it is… love isn’t always enough.”

“No, I guess not. It wasn’t enough for us, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t for you guys. Our situation was a lot different.”

Was it? If Richard only knew. He needed some time to think. “Dean’s a great guy, the best, and he’ll be wondering if I’m okay.”

“It’s easy to see how much you mean to him.”

This conversation was heading into territory he didn’t want to go. Pretending to be a couple was becoming more uncomfortable by the minute. He wished… ah, he wasn’t sure what he wished anymore. Drake rubbed his hands together, not knowing how to respond.

“Okay, well thank you for hearing me out. Did it change anything for you?”

“I don’t know if it did, but I guess talking was a good idea. I still think you went about it all wrong. I deserved honesty from the beginning… but… I won’t make light of what you went through even if I don’t fully understand it.”

“Do you still hate me?”

“I… I’m not as angry. I hated what you did to me, but it sounds like it wasn’t easy for you either. You know me, and the one thing that hasn’t changed is how I take my time working through stuff.”

“I understand, and that’s as much as I can ask for.”

Drake was reminded of Jimmy’s words earlier that day at the pool. He’d said basically the same thing.

They sat for another minute before Richard spoke again. “I should go. Bernadette will probably want to get home. She wouldn’t have missed seeing her favorite cousin get married, but she tires easily.”

Drake nodded in the fading light, and stood up. “Rocco’s lucky to have a girl like Rachel.”

“Yeah, he is, and he knows it. Do you think I could have a hug?”

“Um, sure.”

Richard always gave great hugs, and this time was no different. Drake never expected to find himself in this man’s arms again, yet here he was, and the scent of him was shockingly familiar.

It was surreal, and it got even more so when after loosening his grip, Richard leaned in and kissed him. It was light and chaste, but when he followed up with another one immediately, Drake felt something different as lips moved across his in a real kiss.

He stepped away immediately, glaring at widened eyes of troubled amber. “What the hell was that?”

Richard faltered, and remorse spread across his face. “Oh, God. I don’t know why I did that. I’m so sorry. Oh, God.”

Drake took in the ashen color change, noticeable even in the fading light, and was surprised he finally felt some sympathy for his ex. “It’s okay. Calm down. It was unexpected, but it’s not like you assaulted me or anything.”

“Still, I shouldn’t have done that.”

“No, you shouldn’t have, so why the fuck did you?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t?” Drake asked, challenging the man.

“Okay… I guess I do. Having you in my arms again felt good. I miss you, Drake… I love my wife, and I would never betray her, but you’re still in my heart.” The anguish he displayed sure looked genuine. “I’m sorry I got carried away.”

Drake absorbed the brevity of his declaration, wondering at how much weight he could place on Richard’s earlier words. Was his sexual identity really resolved? Was Bernadette going to have her world torn apart sometime in the future like his had been? Sighing, he felt the weight of the day descend on him. “It’s all right. No harm done.”

“Can I just ask… do you still feel anything for me?”

Drake was taken aback at both the question, and the fact Richard was asking it. What the hell was going on with him? He sighed once more, meeting an indecipherable gaze. This man had been his world for years, and he decided he would give him an answer, even if he wasn’t sure he deserved one. Maybe he needed it for his own closure. “You were the love of my life once, Richard, but you aren’t anymore. I do want you to be happy, I suppose, but that’s all that’s left for you in my heart.”

Now the man looked sheepish… and something else Drake couldn’t quite read. “That’s what I thought. I am happy, and I want the same for you. Can I… would it be all right if I text you once in a while? Keep in touch, maybe?”

Another question Drake hadn’t expected. Was Richard expecting complete absolution? He had to bite back the urge to tell him to fuck off. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Okay, I understand.” He looked down, but not before Drake saw his disappointment.

He instantly felt petty, and his traitorous mouth spoke in spite of his brain’s reservations. “We could try it, I guess.”

Richard's head rose. “Really? Thanks. I promise I won’t bug you, but I was thinking I could text you a picture of our daughter once she’s born, if you want?”

“Daughter?”

“Yeah, no one else has been told, but there’s no harm in you knowing. Besides, because of today, she’ll be your distant cousin by marriage.” A tentative smile appeared.

“She will?”

“Yeah, I think so. Your cousin married Bernadette’s cousin, so….”

“Oh, right. I don’t know how that works.”

“Me neither, to tell you the truth.” He smiled again, this time a little broader.

“Anyway, congratulations on having a girl. You always did say you wanted a daughter. I’m glad you got your wish.” Drake was pleased to realize he actually meant it… and felt no bitterness whatsoever. Richard would be a good father.

“Thanks. We’re going to call her Olivia… still discussing the middle name, though.”

“Pretty name. Yes, I would like a picture of her.”

“Okay, then I’ll make sure you get one. Thank you, Drake. It means a lot that you were willing to hear me out. If you ever need anything, or someone to talk to—”

“Take care, Richard,” he said quickly, interrupting, and effectively dismissing him. One thing he was sure of… his ex would be the last person Drake would ever turn to, or confide in. He watched as the man turned and walked away, slowly at first, before picking up the pace. He wondered again about the kiss, and what it really meant. Was Richard in denial? If he was a betting man, he’d be tempted put money on that being the case.

 

 

*

Thank you to my editor, Timothy M., for all he does. Thanks as well to all the readers for your engagement with, and support of, this story. Please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts on this chapter if you can. Cheers... Gary....
Copyright © 2018 Headstall; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

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On 4/10/2018 at 1:11 AM, deville said:

I apologize , geographical semantics , no -one may act as a therapist in our country without the requisite degree and expertise . That goes for counselling too, unless you’re a minister of religion . (I still have difficulty figuring this one out , and it’s my job to understand the law!)

Here too. There are degrees required including a Masters. There are less requirements for a counselor, but they are still needed, even for a high school guidance counselor. Sorry for the confusion, buddy. I should have called Sandra by her proper title. :) 

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On 4/10/2018 at 2:17 AM, Job said:

 

Richard is such a douche and yet my heart goes out to him. It must be so hard to have this struggle inside.
I am glad they had this conversation, but Richard kissing Drake? Fetch, was was he thinking?!
I am glad that Drake is having feelings for Dean. Love is in the air. Great chapter!

 

Thanks, Job. It's nice to hear that someone has sympathy for Richard. I see both sides... yes he's acted like a douche, but is he really such, or did circumstance create his flawed decision making. As I've said previously, there was no good way to do what he did... but there was a better way. 

 

Love in the air? Right now, I would say there is a lot of emotion in the air... what that means we don't know yet. :)  Thanks for your support, buddy, and for the balance you found in this. Cheers... Gary....

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On 4/10/2018 at 2:49 AM, Timothy M. said:

 

:off: Uhm, could you perhaps edit your comment and get rid of all those extra lines ? It's a bit annoying to have to scroll past all the empty space.

 

I think Richard kissed Drake because he wanted to be sure he didn't feel sexually attracted to him any more. He also asked Drake about his feelings because it would be easier for him if Drake didn't love him anymore. It still means he's a selfish bastard. :pissed: 

He should have stayed friends with Drake instead of asking him out. He confused bromance with romance, and I guess he was also a horny teen. But if he had been less confused they could have been best friends forever, and Drake would have dated Jimmy without all those trust issues getting in the way. But perhaps Drake wouldn't have moved away and met JD if he wasn't running away from Richard ? Anyway, I guess Richard is the reverse of Jimmy who slept with a woman friend but realized he would end up with a man. Let's hope Victoria wasn't in love with him and got her heart broken too, but since they're still friends Jimmy must have been more honest than Richard.

Awesome point, Tim. I wondered if anyone would pick up this part...

 

Now the man looked sheepish… and something else Drake couldn’t quite read. “That’s what I thought. I am happy, and I want the same for you. Can I… would it be all right if I text you once in a while? Keep in touch, maybe?”

 

The something else Drake couldn't quite read, I left open to interpretation, but it was relief Drake saw, in my opinion, so then he asked about keeping in touch, maybe feeling it was a safe thing to consider???  Kudos for having that read on Richard's behavior. There is no doubt he is a selfish bastard, but he was faced with something he wasn't prepared for, and he's carried around a lot of guilt... I say this with certainty, because he was so intent on talking to Drake. He could have easily avoided him. 

 

I don't agree, though, that Richard shouldn't have asked Drake out. Ideally yes, but not in reality. He hadn't figured himself out at that time, we know that now, but he must have believed himself gay when he asked him out... and he did fall in love with him, and stayed for two and a half years. It is what it is... life throws curveballs for many of us. I can't believe anyone would choose to be gay... so I trust he was genuine in that regard. 

 

We learn more about Victoria... so for now :X  :P ... the similarities you mention about Jimmy being Richard in reverse are the reasons Drake is so spooked. But, yeah, it is the reverse... now if only Drake can learn to trust what Jimmy is telling him. Great comment, my friend... I always love your perceptive take on what I write... Thanks and cheers... I hope you had a great weekend... :hug: 

 

 

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On 4/10/2018 at 3:07 AM, Job said:

@Timothy M. While I was writing my comment, my tomcat Charlie was standing on one of the keys. And suddenly I was in the middle of the page. I would edit my comment if I only knew how. I am sorry! I tried but nothing worked, I am a bit dense with computers.

I know exactly how you feel, Job. It's better now, but computers still intimidate me. No worries... it gets easier with time. I remember when having two tabs open at once was a huge victory for me. :huh:  :P 

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On 4/10/2018 at 5:31 AM, Bndmetl said:

*Sigh*

Deep breath

*Sigh*

Um.... unclench fists.

*Sigh*

Okay, yes. People should be allowed to sort themselves out, BUT, not at the expense of someone else's feelings and psyche. No wonder Drake is a mess, he was betrayed, belittled, cheated on, lied to... and that's just for starters. One thing I know for sure, Drake will be a lot happier before Richard, it doesn't seem like he's dealt with everything he needs to. 

Hopefully Jimmy can help Drake past this point and get over it and learn to trust again. Please put Preston and Richard in a car with no brakes and a sticky accelerator.

Are you okay now, Joh? :P  I do not condone violence. -_- Usually ;)  Cars do careen off cliffs all the time in stories. :D  

 

Yeah, Richard did do all that to Drake, and it's been one hell of a day. Let's see what Jimmy can do, if anything. Drake has a lot to absorb, but I thought he handled the situation pretty well, considering... See you Monday, my friend. Thanks and cheers... Gary....

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On 4/10/2018 at 6:56 AM, jaysalmn said:

Just when I thought I couldn't dislike Richard more, he comes up with some lame ass excuse of why he stomped the heart of someone he supposedly loved. I don't believe for a minute that Richard really loved Drake. U don't treat someone u love like Richard treated him. "Can I text u sometime?" Are u fucking serious?? Take ur phone and shove it up ur ass Richard! Richard should have got a black eye or bloody lip for kissing Drake! I would have at least pushed him away! I hope Drake has enough sense to never talk to that asshole again! Bernadette should be worried that she not only believed, but married and is having a child with a closet case who could care less about how he treats people!

Dislike the man all you want, buddy. Richard deserves it... but I'm glad for Drake, and proud that he was able to stick through the conversation. It would have been hard not to walk away from some of what he heard. If it's any consolation, I think Richard has paid a price for his actions... whether it's enough is up for argument. I do, however, believe he loved Drake... he damn near destroyed him, but I trust it was never his intention. He acted selfishly... and cowardly, and I'm glad Drake got to see him in that light. Richard is now a footnote in my mind, and I hope Drake's. We'll see if he got anything tangible from this ordeal... thanks, jaysalmn... see you Monday... cheers... Gary....

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On 4/10/2018 at 7:02 AM, Bndmetl said:

 

Here; here. Now next time I want to write something. I'm going to send it to you, then get you to articulate what I'm trying to say correctly. :2thumbs:

He does get his point across, doesn't he? :)  I love how engaged all you readers are. :D 

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On 4/10/2018 at 10:51 AM, Bucket1 said:

I didnt realise just how quickly Preston would drop in the Top 10 Villians list.

 

Drake appeared to do more listening in this conversation than his discussion with Jimmy. 

 

I feel sorry for Bernadette

While Preston will never be a choirboy in my eyes, I see your point. Preston's damage to Drake was intentional, though... and I don't think Richard's was. For that reason there is a modicum of compassion there from me. It couldn't have been easy, but it could have been handled way better than it was. :( 

 

Yes, Drake listened, and I was proud. But, if you think Drake hasn't been listening to Jimmy, I can't agree. He might be fighting what Jimmy wants, because of his issues, but he hears the man loud and clear. Now, if it the idiot would learn to trust the man, and not see Richard when he starts to let his guard down. That is infinitely sad... for both of them.

 

Bernadette took a huge chance... I'm not so sure she needs to worry. Maybe... maybe not. :unsure: 

 

Thanks, B, as always. I love your comments. Cheers... Gary....

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On 4/10/2018 at 10:53 AM, Bucket1 said:

As an aside, I am still having difficulty with Drake's obsession with Richard's sexuality rather than the fact that he lied and cheated. Change Bernie for Bernadette and Richard is still an ugly bastard.

He sees Richard's sexuality as the reason for his heartbreak, and he can't get past it. Remember what I've said, and what Jimmy said, about the judgement that exists in the gay community... it's real, and Drake is guilty(?) of it. He has this unfair opinion of men who sleep with women... he sees them as not viable options as partners, and that is so unfair. Bisexuals can love a man OR a woman... he/she doesn't need to love both. That said, Drake needs to grow up... because he has much to lose if he doesn't. :hug: 

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On 4/10/2018 at 11:36 AM, Nahrung said:

Would Richard have wanted to 'get it off his chest' if they weren't forced together at a marriage? Why now? Why not last week, last month or six months ago? Why now? It just seems rather disingenuous to insert side drama into an event that was nothing about him. That WAS selfish.

 

What would be really cool is if Richard set the record straight with Preston, the number two asshole in this saga. That would take REAL courage and help everyone out a bit other than just himself.

 

Neal

Good point, Neal. Preston would listen to Richard because 'he made the right choice." :rolleyes:  As if there really is a choice when it comes down to it. Actually, it would probably be wasted breath... Preston is stuck in his perceptions too... must be a brother thing. :P

 

Richard tried for a long time to talk to Drake... he wouldn't respond. This wedding is the first time they are face to face, and Drake could have said no to talking. Richard was lucky he didn't. And yes, it was selfish, but Richard wants forgiveness for what he did and how he did it... not that he deserves it. There comes a point, though, where nothing is to be gained from hanging on to anger. Let's hope this helps Drake, because who really cares if it helps Richard. :) 

 

Thanks, buddy... see you Monday... cheers... Gary....

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On 4/10/2018 at 12:09 PM, CscottyCA said:

 

I totally agree. I was kinda (sorta) with Richard up until the kiss. Richard is certainly messed up, and handled the situation all wrong, but I graded him on slight curve because he was young. I mean, I can’t say I haven’t botched a break up before. It sounded like Richard was trying to do the right thing, but hadn’t developed enough emotional maturity to do it in a compassionate way. He should have been honest from the beginning, and he definitely should not have been professing his love to Drake knowing he was going to break up (that part was seriously eff-ed up.) But when you’re young and lack self-awareness, you do stupid things. 

 

But then, the kiss. Richard is a grown-ass man, with a wife and a kid on the way. He should have known better. Especially after hearing how hurt Drake was because Richard strung him along in the past. Drake needs to leave that loser in the past and not engage with him any further. Hopefully this will give Drake enough “closure” to move on. Maybe with Jimmy? I’m really rooting for an HEA for them. Lord knows that between his family and love life, Drake has dealt with enough heartbreak. 

 

Great chapter! More! More! 

Thanks, Cscotty! I'm glad you liked it. :)  At least he was honest when it mattered in this conversation. I love your first paragraph, and how you see the situation. Good point about how young they were at the time. Emotional maturity is a hard fought for thing, and it doesn't come easily for most of us. 

 

The kiss is polarizing for sure. I really don't think Richard had any intentions of kissing Drake, but love, even lost love, is damn powerful. We don't know his reasons... we can only surmise, but Drake had a high opinion of him before all this happened. I think it is as he says... he got overwhelmed from holding the only man he has ever loved once more. Like Drake, he was unprepared. Drake doesn't appear to hold it against him... so we shouldn't. But, we can, and many of us do. I wonder if, when all is said and done, it gave Drake a little satisfaction to know he was still in Richard's heart. These things matter when it comes to letting something go. He heard first hand how flawed Richard is... maybe that will help too. 

 

Thanks, buddy, for your support and the awesome comment... see you Monday... cheers... Gary....

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On 4/10/2018 at 12:51 PM, Timothy M. said:

 

It's quite easy. Look at your post. Next to the Quote button in the bottom left hand corner, there is an Edit button. Click on that. Your comment will open in edit mode. Remove extra lines above and below comment. Press Save (blue button in lower right hand corner). Voila - your comment is edited. :) 

:thumbup:  Thanks, Tim. :hug: 

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4 hours ago, Headstall said:

He sees Richard's sexuality as the reason for his heartbreak, and he can't get past it. Remember what I've said, and what Jimmy said, about the judgement that exists in the gay community... it's real, and Drake is guilty(?) of it. He has this unfair opinion of men who sleep with women... he sees them as not viable options as partners, and that is so unfair. Bisexuals can love a man OR a woman... he/she doesn't need to love both. That said, Drake needs to grow up... because he has much to lose if he doesn't. :hug: 

The judgement stuff is real, still stupid but real.

 

Yes, Drake needs to grow up. Being slightly harsh, during his conversation with Jimmy, he was was a little kid with his fingers in his ears saying “I can’t hear you”. 

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On 4/10/2018 at 1:23 PM, phoenix_0826 said:

I find myself not really hating Richard and actually growing in my dislike of Drake. From the beginning I've been at best ambivalent toward Drake because he's come across as very emotionally immature and rather bigoted (toward bisexual individuals). I was turned off by his treatment of Jimmy from the beginning - it's obvious that Jimmy is a kind, caring person that is still quite devoted to Drake. Drake refuses to discuss and understand Jimmy's sexuality and instead paints him with a wide brush and tells him (Jimmy) how he (Jimmy) feels and will act.

 

I agree that Richard handled the breakdown and end of his relationship with Drake poorly - but had Bernadette been Bernie, Drake still would have been the last to know. Based on Drake's behavior throughout the series so far, I envision him becoming defensive, throwing a tantrum, and running away before he an Richard could have had a true and meaningful discussion about their breakup and Richard's feelings. The second kiss may or may not be an issue - the text says that it was more meaningful, not that it was lustful or passionate. It seems like in Richard's mind he's established a re-connection with someone he once loved, it can be confusing and awkward physical gestures can happen. If you've ever had a peaceful meeting with an ex, moments like this are more common than you'd think. Even wondering about if Drake has feelings - while worded in a way that could be more ominous than intended - has a ring of truth. My ex and i have sometimes been in social events together, and while chatting somewhere may ask "do you ever wonder what if?" - we normally turn it into a joke about how we'd have killed each other at least twice by now. 

 

I'm definitely hoping that Drake has a brilliant awakening, because I think Jimmy deserves someone worthy of his love. I give you a lot of credit Gary -- you've got me invested in a story about a main character that i really don't like!!

Hey, phoenix! I found this very interesting, mainly because of what you say about exes. The way we feel each other out when we meet after the breakup. A lot seems to ride on the little pauses and the word choices. Yeah, it can definitely be awkward, like we return to, or are stuck in a time loop for a few seconds here and there. It's tough to navigate, but I think both men did well... they got through this first encounter, and they did it without either one quitting the conversation. 

 

Drake is the one that got hurt, on the surface of it, and Richard was the one that hurt him... but he did not get off unscathed. I can understand your dislike for Drake... he is admittedly childish, and he is being unfair to Jimmy. That's the point. He has become judgmental and bitter, and that is not a good look..; especially when we compare him to a shining knight like Jimmy. This story abounds with flawed characters, from Preston to Dot to Lawrence to Drake to Richard... maybe even Bernadette and Cathy. We can say we distance ourselves from our families when they let us down, but do we ever really detach?  The same goes for exes, and the pain they can cause. Jimmy has become a catalyst, for these people... and the best thing I can hear from a reader is that they are invested in Drake and his story... it means even if you don't like him, you care about him... you care about where we all end up, and I thank you for that, buddy. Cheers... Monday is almost here. :D  Gary.

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On 4/10/2018 at 1:56 PM, Drew Espinosa said:

 

To Drake, Richard's lying and cheating is tied to his sexuality. It's why Drake broke things off with Jimmy, he thought, "Jimmy has slept with women before, therefore he'll lie and cheat." 

 

To clarify: I think when Drake focuses on Richard's sexuality, he is, by extension, also focusing on the fact that Richard lied and cheated.

Exactly, Drew! This is how I see it too. :D  It's wrong and unfair, but it's real.  Thank you, buddy. :hug: 

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On 4/10/2018 at 3:02 PM, Timothy M. said:

It's a shame Richard took the step from being a friend to being a boyfriend back when he first asked Drake out. I think he confused bromance and being horny with romantic love for Drake. I've read several stories where it's gay men doing the same with women, but at least they have the pressure of society and family expectations to excuse them. Richard should have kept his dick to himself, but failing that he should have listened to the counselor and brought Drake with him. She could then have suggested someone for Drake to talk to who could help him deal with the devastating issues from their break-up.

I sincerely hope Jimmy is supportive of Drake when he hears the story, especially if Drake decides to keep to minimal contact or no contact with Richard.

I can see why you feel that way, Tim. But in that, you are assuming Richard understood who he was, and that is not the case, in my opinion. Yes, he might have been fooling himself, but we humans can do a great job of that. Richard knew Drake, and was attracted to Drake, and that was real for him. He fell in love with Drake, and it felt right. It would be nice if we all knew ourselves early, and progressed at the same pace, but that just inn't the case. It is completely understandable, though, to see it differently form the outside. When a gay guy finally realizes or accepts his sexuality, and he's involved with a woman, he is often seen as a bastard who never loved his wife or girlfriend, and was just using her... I know for a fact that isn't always accurate. I also know what a shock it can be... and how hard a person can fight this new and frightening revelation. 

 

Richard was a bastard... but not for loving Drake... he was a bastard for how he handled his relationship through all this. I agree he should have taken Drake with him to the therapist, but I also understand the fear that kept him from doing so. His selfishness is what I abhor, and even understanding it, I won't excuse it.  As far as Drake getting help, he was a young but grown man, and instead of pulling inward, he should have been smart enough to seek help. I did. Where do we go from here? That is up to these two men... thank you time for the thoughtful and provocative comment... you are adept at delving into a story... something I think all authors appreciate (or should appreciate). :)  Cheers, my dear friend... Gary....

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On 4/10/2018 at 5:36 PM, Albert1434 said:

OMG First let me say I hate Richard.  Richard I think did love Drake however he totally miss handled this whole thing. Some part of Richard wants to still be love by Drake and so the kiss. I do feel Pity for Drake! And Drake is still the total mess he has been since the began of the story. Much as I love Jimmy I just don't think Drake is ready to move on as far as Richard is concerned so until that happens can there be hope for Jimmy. We will have to wait and see.:yes:

Hey, buddy... sorry for the delay in responding. I think when exes reminisce, even bad stuff, the good stuff and those old feelings can resurface. It's understandable, and while awkward, it's not necessarily dangerous. I'm glad you believe Richard loved Drake... I think it's important for Drake's progress for him to believe it too. 

 

As far as Drake being ready to move on, you could be right... this has turned out to be an emotionally draining weekend... who knows where Drake will be at after this... Thank you, Albert... I appreciate your support... cheers... Gary....

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On 4/10/2018 at 6:57 PM, ColumbusGuy said:

I don't know what to say about this one thanks to my personal history with the bisexual topic.  I've had two experiences with them, my very first, and my very last.  One was good, the other bad.  The bad was the first--with my high school best friend who I thought straight, until I came out in college and he suggested we try things out.  He'd been doing things with a relative for years, and some years after college, he met a girl and decided to marry, but not tell her he was bi...and he took back his offer of having me be his best man in favor of her younger brother he'd known about a year.

The best was my last and longest relationship--another guy I was told was a homophobe and to be careful around, but who dropped by my house six months after meeting, and he asked me out.  We lasted nearly fifteen years before he committed suicide over pressures from his parents to do as they said.  I think he was coming to terms with himself and was loosening up in our last years together, but his time ran out.  In all that time, he'd surprise me with sappy gestures out of the blue, and I think we'd be together still if he'd lived.

With those two experiences, I can hear Richard's argument, but I have to wonder how much of his life is truly changed after that last kiss?  I'm also suspect about the validity of his 'therapist's' sessions...I think she steered him toward a more 'normal' lifestyle since she didn't seem to encourage him to include Drake as much as she urged him to include Bernadette.

Whether Richard had no other 'gay' feelings or not, I don't believe he can just put away that side of himself, and that makes me feel sorry for Bernadette in the future.  At some point, he'll cheat on her.

So, I hear you, I can intellectually understand, but I'm not convinced...but that's just me based on emotional experience.

Another thought provoking excursion, my dear...XOXOXOXOXO  :hug:

Hey, CG! I'm pleased you found this chapter thought-provoking. That's what I want... for readers to consider how they judge others in the community. Your recollections here are so applicable here. Some journeys are harder than others... we don't all fit into a mold. The same is true of the straight world of course, but it is doubly hard for us I think. 

 

Was the kiss a big deal? Like you, I don't really believe so. Maybe with regard to perception, but not so much reality... not in this case. I'm somewhat surprised about the reaction to the therapist by some readers. All she could do was urge Drake to be part of the therapy sessions... Richard admits he was too afraid to do it. He did accept her urging for Bernadette, and that was Richard's decision. I don't think he feared the same loss occurring there. I get that. If Bernadette walked away, it could have made it easier for him, at a time he was in such turmoil. Of course it wouldn't have changed his situation, not really, but I can see Richard fooling himself temporarily. I see Sandra as being successful in getting Richard to the point he could make a decision and accept and be secure in who he was... I see no blame in her... but maybe I should have delved into her part more thoroughly. 

 

My feeling about Richard is this... just like when gay guys come out to themselves, live their truth, and never look back, so can a straight man. Yet it doesn't mean we didn't love the person in our life before this. I'm in the same boat as you, buddy. I intellectually understand Richard... but how he did what he did left much to be desired. Yeah... another man's shoes....

 

Thank you, dear friend, and sorry for the delay in responding... love ya... cheers... Gary.... :hug: 

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On 4/10/2018 at 11:40 PM, LilDaddy98 said:

Another excellent chapter, and Richard shall now be forever Dick, I refuse to share a name with that douchehole. One of the first romance novels I ever read had a quote that I've taken to heart in relationships.

"Finish off the cookie, before nibbling on another."

 I feel that the way Dick handled this caused emotional retardation in Drake, who did not seem mature enough to handle issues like that anyway. Will continue to look forward to new chapters.

 

Thanks, LilDaddy! I'm so pleased you liked it. :D  I feel the same way... always break things off before you start something else. If you want to cheat in the first place, your relationship isn't working. It is the one thing I can't forgive Richard for. :no:  He knew he and Drake were doomed... he owed it to Drake to not add sleeping with Bernadette to the mix. You're exactly right that Drake was mature enough... it sounds like Richard had replaced his family, and when he lost him, he lost everything. He felt isolated and alone, and instead of dealing with it straight on, he internalized. Hence, his fears. 

A new chapter is coming tomorrow... thanks for the great comment and the support, buddy... cheers... Gary....

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On 4/11/2018 at 3:04 AM, Bucket1 said:

My problem with Drake the Dense is that he conflates the two. Bisexual does not mean Liar and Cheater. It may but they are not the same thing. Drake sees the “crime”as being bisexual and misses the point. As @LilDaddy98 quoted, finish the damn cookie Dick before you put your grubby hands on another. Young and stupid Dick, sure but still more of a villain than Preston.

No... no it doesn't. I hate that kind of judgment. Yeah, I like Lildaddy's quote, and live by it. I hope Drake doesn't continue to conflate... but like Tobyn, he is who he is... we'll see, B. The folly of youth is a rite of passage... I should write that down somewhere. :P  Oh, yeah... I just did. :D  Thanks, buddy... cheers... Gary....

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On 4/11/2018 at 9:00 AM, Dodger said:

Okay, I know that it's not easy when dealing with an ex-partner who hurt you but Richard got off light here. He has to be pleased with the outcome, I'm surprised he wasn't skipping back to Bernadette. Drake obviously still has feelings for him but he really needed to man up here and tell Richard exactly where to get off. He dithered and now he's allowing that slime ball to get his foot in the door when he should have locked and bolted it twice. Unfortunately, this isn't the best result for Jimmy, who's waiting patiently in the wings but won't be there forever. A missed opportunity I'm afraid and although I feel sorry for Drake he's a wimp. Great chapter and wonderful dialogue Gary. 

Hey, Dodger! My take is different... I don't believe Drake has any feelings for Richard... any that might have lingered are gone after this conversation. But, with Drake, we can't be completely sure. Richard was honest in admitting his mistakes, including cheating, and it wasn't pretty. At the end of it, Drake showed more concern for Jimmy than Richard. :) . I do see your point about Drake being a wimp, yet I'm proud of him. He stayed, listened, didn't let his ex off the hook, but took the high road. I'm sure Richard got the message... he will be kept at arms length. Drake was the strong one in this conversation... at least to me, he was. 

 

Thanks for commenting on the dialogue... that means a lot to me. Well, look at that... tomorrow is Monday... I wonder what will happen next. :whistle:  Always a pleasure, buddy... cheers... Gary.... 

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On 4/11/2018 at 10:37 AM, FanLit said:

Very good point.  Dick should have reached out of his own initiative, even knowing he'd be be rejected numerous times.  Then again, there is always some kind of side drama at a family event, 😄.

 

"Side drama"-I like that phrase.

Me too :D  , and you're right... weddings usually have some side drama in my family. The fact is, though, Richard  reached out often that first year. He got shut down repeatedly, as he should have been. The trouble is, that only compounded the pain Drake carried around. 

 

Thanks, FanLit. :hug: 

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On 4/11/2018 at 11:29 AM, FanLit said:

Yeah, okay, your comments and that of a couple others spoke to the angel on my shoulder. *sigh*

Richard fucked up, he did and he did so badly.  Drake should have been a part of Richard's process since he was in a relationship with him but Richard was afraid;  His subsequent actions with Bernadette and the breakup was cowardly and weak, then again, there are many of us who live in glass houses.

I was overwhelmed by the depth of emotional destruction Richard leveled Drake with, sometimes you think a situation might not be as bad as someone makes it, this was not one of those times, ☺️.

I still don't believe the kiss was altruistic, it was from desperation and need, those were feelings he should have kept in check.

Yes, Richard was more of a mess in this chapter than Drake.  I liked Drake being in control-

"Take care, Richard,” he said quickly, interrupting, and effectively dismissing him. One thing he was sure of… his ex would be the last person Drake would ever turn to, or confide in."  I think Drake's healing has already begun, even if he doesn't know it yet.

Good, bad or indifferent, this conversation was necessary for Drake.  What a well rounded, provocative writer you are, Gary. 👏

Have you ever had this much feedback on a character before?

I like what you say about glass houses, my platonic friend. :)  That would have made a good chapter title too.  There was a brutal honesty in the revisiting of what happened, and yeah, it was worse than we thought. Life is mean and dirty and complicated at times, and sugar coating never solves issues. So kudos to both of them for not skirting anything. 

 

The line you quoted was key. It tells us Drake is stronger than he was at the beginning of the conversation. At least some things have been resolved in  his mind. Yup, the healing has begun. :D ... but remember, Drake is still Drake, and he's had a traumatic weekend so far. 

 

Well rounded and provocative? Wow... thanks, FanLit... I kind of needed that. :D  I have had feedback on Tobyn from Morningstar: The Malaise, but I think it pales in comparison to these guys. :)  Then again, maybe not... there were threats of pitchforks. :(  Cheers, and thanks, my friend... Gary....

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On 4/11/2018 at 2:51 PM, Drew Espinosa said:

Nope.

 

This is what Drake said to Richard, and I believe him. I mean, come on, Richard broke Drake's heart, any love he once held for Richard was shattered after Richard cheated and lied to him.

Thanks, Drew... well said, and I agree wholeheartedly. :hug: 

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On 4/11/2018 at 3:19 PM, Dodger said:

Yeah I know that's what Drake said but he must still has feelings there for him. If not, he would have been able to tell Richard where to go and walk away laughing. He wouldn't have allowed Richard to kiss him or agreed to keep in touch either. He's definitely not over him yet and Richard knows that.

I do see your point. Maybe deep down he cares for Richard, but romantically, I don't think so. An underlying motive for sticking with the conversation was Drake's concern for how Jimmy would feel if he didn't. Whether Drake realizes it or not, Jimmy is his new gold standard. Richard is a poor comparison. I think the fact he took the high road, and didn't cut Richard off at the knees, proves he didn't care all that much for the man. He wasn't even bitter by the end. :)  But, hey, what do I know. :)  Thanks, buddy. :hug: 

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