Caesura - 14. Epilogue

Landyn stepped out of the elevator, crossed the bright blue carpet of the hallway, and walked to the only door on the floor, searching for the keys in his coat pockets.

"Why do they always have to live on the upper floor?" he asked irritated.

Simon looked at his mate curiously. "Maybe it's a royalty thing and it's not as if you ever had to use the stairway anyway, there’s always an elevator. So what?"

"Don't let Noël hear you think of him as royalty if you want to live," Landyn grumbled, deliberately avoiding answering the question.

"Yeah, well he is, that comes with being the King's mate." Simon shrugged behind Landyn, who finally managed to open the door.

"The damned thing's still jammed." He rubbed at the shoulder he had just used to wrangle the door open as he entered the condo.

They stood still in the entrance, listening for a moment. A shower was running in the distance.

"He's in the bathroom. I could make us coffee while we're waiting." Landyn headed in the direction of the kitchen area.

"He'll probably want chamomile tea with honey when he comes out," Simon called after him, making his way over to the couch. He sat down in front of the large wall-to-wall picture window, raked his hands through his shoulder length, ginger red hair, before he let his head fall on the backrest. He and Landyn had changed their appearances so many times in the last years he couldn't remember his natural hair color anymore. Landyn always recommended looking at his carpet; it was still his natural blond.

There would come better times, when they didn't need to look different every so many years to not raise any suspicion about Noël's and Kris' eternally young bodyguards. Simon scoffed. Eternally young.... At the moment, he felt every single year of his long life, even if nobody else could see it. With any luck though, these times would be over soon.

He felt anxious about Noël's future plans now that his beloved partner of almost fifty years had passed. He dreaded the upcoming conversation with his honorary little brother, as the man could still be as irrational as ever sometimes, as he'd been when he was eighteen.

He looked up when Landyn came over, carrying a tray with three steaming mugs, sugar, a jar with honey, and a small plate with cookies. He still had to get accustomed to his lover's new crew cut. He missed the man's long, blue-black mane.

"He'll be exhausted; the last weeks were straining for him." Landyn placed the tray on the coffee table and grabbed one of the mugs before he settled down on one of the loveseats.

"You're already finding excuses for him, and he hasn't even told us what he wants to do now." Simon grinned. He knew his man; even after fifty years he still tried to protect his charge from everything, including himself, and find perfectly rational reasons for Noël's erratic behavior.

Both men stirred the hot liquid in their respective mugs, each thinking their own thoughts, until a door shut in the distance and the padding of bare feet could be heard on the hardwood floor.

Conjointly, they took in deep calming breaths.

"Hey." Noël came over to the living room area, took the mug with the chamomile tea in his hand, and spooned some honey into it. He sat down at the other end of the couch, lifted his legs up, and folded them underneath him, his hands around the warm mug. He smiled uneasily at Simon. "Thanks for the tea."

Simon gestured to Landyn. "He made it."

Landyn tipped his imaginary hat. "Just following orders."

Noël shook his head at the antics of his friends while he carefully sipped the hot tea. Because of the wig he had to wear for the past few years, his own hair was cut extremely short, so much so, that his scalp was visible. Without the fake white hair, his eyes seemed unusually large and his cheekbones appeared even more sculpted. He was too thin; he almost drowned in Kris’ old yellow school hoodie. Even with dark circles underneath his eyes, the pale skin and the boney feet sticking out from under the black sweats, he looked still so young, almost like he did when he was eighteen. Beautiful and so fragile. Seeing him like this, the two men were shocked.

Blowing into his mug, Noël closed his eyes, almost as if he was counting to three, before he finally faced his friends. He was well aware of how he looked and inwardly braced himself against what he knew would come.

Simon gave him a once over and then stated casually, "You look like shit."

"Simon!" Landyn put his mug on the coffee table with a clang.

"What? I know you were thinking the same. If you want something to get done, sugarcoating isn't the way, not with little brother here." He put his own mug down and held his mate's gaze, challenging him to contradict him.

Noël looked from Simon to Landyn and then sighed. "He's right. I own a mirror you know." He picked at a loose thread of his hoodie before he visibly pulled himself together.

"Okay, you’re probably anxious to hear what I decided. So without further ado, here it comes: I want to vanish. This life is over, Noël is dead; he died with Kristof."

Landyn inhaled sharply. "I beg your pardon!?" He was almost shouted down by Simon, "Explain!"

Shocked at the vehement reactions of his friends, Noël hurried to elaborate. "I already talked to Brian, as you probably know; the go-to-guy in this area when the Seraei need a new ID, which happens frequently to you guys since you’re all practically immortal. My new name will be Nicolas Kellan."

"With us." Simon snapped.

"With us?"

"Which frequently happens with us. You're one of us still. Remember?" Simon reminded him, annoyed.

"Yes, I remember, that's why I am in this special fucked up situation. You remember?" He closed his eyes again, this time clearly reining in his famous temper.

"Si...." Landyn put his hand on his lover’s arm soothingly.

"Whatever." Simon crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"I also talked with Isao of the Hamada clan. He invited me to visit them some time ago to practice with their blue triangle telepath. The man is stone old, and so much better than me. I accepted their invitation this morning, and at ten tonight, I will be on a plane to Japan."

Landyn nodded. "What's with the King? I'm not sure how long you can be apart from him before he feels the effects."

"I talked with him also. Diarmad said he would be visiting Japan in three months anyway. He'll stay for a few days with me at the Hamada's guesthouse and thinks that'll be enough for at least another three months. He even said he could probably cope for a while longer, if I needed the time."

"Okay, what happens with the condo, the office, your special clients, all your things?"

"Tim from CY Agency will take over our clients. He’s a good guy, and I think they'll be in good hands. He handles his business the same way Kris and I did. As far as the other points you mentioned..." He played with the small piece of paper dangling from the teabag’s string. "I know I'm asking a lot, but I would be very thankful if you two would take care of the rest. I packed one cardboard box with things I want to keep and the backpack I'll take to Japan. The rest you can give away, or sell it and donate the money; I don't care. If someone asks about me, please say no comment. There will be rumors, outrageous rumors even, but eventually it will all die down and I'll be forgotten." Noël looked at both of his friends pleadingly.

Simon gave a short nod. "Consider it done." Then he raised an eyebrow. "When will you come back?"

"Honestly? I haven't decided yet. I don't know if you are aware this, but a few months ago I got a surprise visit from Lionel. He came against Diarmad's expressed request, but Keith had asked him to tell me the story anyway. Diarmad had been poisoned by Keith, who, in turn, was mentally controlled by people who wanted to overtake Diarmad’s kingdom. They gave him a drug with his food, which broke down his mental shields and made him sensitive to outer influences. This way Diarmad was coerced into breaking up with me, with the intention of weakening him further. He became more and more instable and paranoid. Everything culminated in the assassination attempt on him, which was actually an accident. Overtaking Diarmad’s kingdom was a scheme though, and Misa was only a pawn. At first I didn't believe him, but Lionel had proof." Noël suddenly jumped up from the couch, pacing angrily between the kitchen and the living room area.

"At first I didn't give the whole thing much thought. Kris had just gotten ill when Lionel told me the whole story, and I had other things on my mind. Later when I thought about it, I was relieved that all the nasty things Diarmad said and did weren't his fault. It’s typical of him for beating himself up for not being stronger, for not seeing the deceit, for not being perfect, the idiot. On the other hand, I am grateful he never told me and jeopardized my relationship with Kris. Fuck!"

He stopped, looked out of the window, before he turned back to his friends. "And then again I'm so pissed at him for not telling me, for playing the noble hero who generously stood aside. He never gave me a chance to decide for myself."

"Did you talk about this with him?" Landyn asked carefully.

"No, I didn't want Lionel getting into trouble."

"And now?"

"And now nothing. He didn't tell me and so I don't know anything about it. It doesn't matter anyway, 'cause I'll be gone soon anyhow." He turned to stare out of the window balling his hands.

***

Watching Noël as he passed through the security gate, Landyn asked Simon, "Do you think he'll come back?"

"I’m sure he will come back. Kris knew him better than anybody else, and he said Noël still loves the King--he just unconsciously pushed him away, because he was hurt so much, and also out of loyalty to Kris." He took Landyn's hand in a rare show of affection in public and tugged him in the direction of the exit.

"How do you know?"

"I talked with Kris two days before he died. He told me how thankful he was that Noël gifted him a part of his life. He said he knew Noël never loved him as much he did, that at times he felt very selfish because he kept him away from Diarmad. I think this weighed heavily on Kris’ mind, but I managed to diffuse his concerns, at least a little. Seeing how fast the King and Noël got together, I often thought, it maybe was too fast. They didn't have enough time to build a basis of trust, so when the shit hit the fan, their relationship couldn't endure the strain. I sometimes ask myself if it wasn't wrong that we only blamed the King for not believing in his mate, Noël never really questioned the reason for Diarmad's irrational behavior either."

Landyn stopped abruptly, forcing Simon to let go of his hand. "What? Now you want to blame everything on Noël? Oh no, I won't−"

"I don't blame anyone. All I'm saying is that maybe they weren't ready when fate hit them. Seeing how the King wanted to ensure Noël's happiness by standing aside, and how pissed Noël was that nobody told him the truth, there might still be a chance for them."

"I don't know...."

"Don't forget there are still people out there who want to murder our King and usurp control. It might be better if we had a functioning relationship between our King and his mate."