300 Letters - 38. Letter 37

3.12.2015

Dear C,

How is everything? How are you feeling?

I wonder if you can sense it that you are in my mind all the time. I wonder if there is this connection between us still…

My day was alright. It’s Thursday today and it’s the laundry day. Each landing has a separate day assigned for their laundry – as I am on landing 4 our day is Thursday. There are 2 guys on the wing who work in the laundry room and they look after prisoners’ dirty wash. Obviously, if you pay them from your own pocket (meaning pack of noodles or a can of tune or whatever else they might want), you will receive your laundry back quicker and it will have conditioner added to it. I don’t care to be honest. I have so very little of my clothes that I can’t be bothered.

Thursday is also the day when we receive our canteen. It’s basically the groceries and toiletries that we can order on weekly basis from the list provided. Everything is so overpriced and knowing that I earn 7 pounds a week doesn’t help. So I need to choose whether I want a bar of soap or extra milk. I am not even talking about luxuries such as Mars bar or a can of coke.

My mum told me she would send me some money soon so I can have it added to my weekly spending. I could then have additional 10 pounds added to my weekly shopping! It’s great my mum will help me here. I truly appreciate this.

You get 3 prisoner levels here: basic, standard and enhanced. Everybody starts from a standard.

Then you can go down to basic – if you fuck up with the system (fight, being late for work, get caught with drugs etc.) or you get enhanced – if you become an orderly in the education building, become a mentor, have clean records etc. And you cannot maintain your innocence if you want to be enhanced.

So I will never become enhanced.

What they are trying to do here is to get everybody to admit to the things they have or have not done so they can then send people to various courses. These courses are designed to “fix” people.

And here comes the best part: the prison receives 14 thousand pounds for each prisoner, who complete the course. Imagine this! That’s a lot of money.

So obviously they push as hard as they can for people to lie and say: “yes, I am guilty”.

And one of their methods to lure people into this is the whole enhancement status; you get extra things there: extra laundry washing, extra family and friends visit, extra hours at the gym, more money at work and 20 pounds can be sent weekly to your spending account from your private account (obviously if your family and friends send you money to prison).

So it’s all about the money again. Even the prison system is forcing you to lie so they can cash on you.

I am in prison because someone figured it out that they can get 7 thousand pounds for accusing me of things I have never done. Let it be. Have it. Enjoy the money.

But at least here, I will not let them trap me. I’d rather be on a basic level if I have to be, as supposed to lying and saying things which are not true.

Anyway babe, my mum told me she wouldn’t be able to visit you when she comes here as she will not be staying in London at all – only flying in and out of the city. Maybe next time then. I just regret you won’t receive your pierogis on this occasion. But her schedule is really tight.

Art classes are going fine. I am doing my own Christmas cards to send to mum and a few friends. Instead of doing regular Christmas trees I am painting my magic trees. I would love you to see the one I made for you, but I must respect your decision not to bother you. It’s a very bitter pill to swallow.

English class was great today! For a change! And you know why? Coz the tutor didn’t know what to do with us or couldn’t be bothered so she played us a horror movie “13 Ghosts”. I’ve seen it already, but it was nice to watch a movie. Plus she is waiting for the written exams to arrive and once this is done my English course is completed.

Today I found under my cell door some invitation to join the main governor for the Koestler Trust And People Plus award ceremony. Not sure why I got it, but I can go. It’s on the 8th of December (next week Tuesday) at 9.30am. I did not take this invite seriously, but once I showed it to Dave, he told me I should feel very honoured I was invited.

Oh well, first of all, I should not be here in this place, so I don’t feel “honoured” to attend some prison ceremony. But there is nothing I can do about my current situation. I am trying really hard not to go crazy about this whole thing. It is so hard to do baby, so hard… I am just trying to take each day as it is.

Yesterday I asked my mum to register my domain so I could use it for my art in the future – if there is one for me of course. I thought of the name: the magic trees art. Hopefully, I could then present my artwork there and if I’m lucky to sell some. Time will tell.

Wouldn’t it be perfect if we could run such business together? Just imagine…

Ok C, let me finish now.

Look after yourself and be strong for me, please.

You are always in my heart. I got you right here and I am not stopping to love you.

Forever yours,

Sebastian