Dead Body Inside - 3. What Happens in Vegas...

“Hoover Dam’s coming up, Addie,” Talent says. “Last time I was here we had to cross over the top of the dam. Now we’ll be looking down on it from the Mike O’Callaghan-Pat Tillman Memorial Bridge as we cross the Colorado River. So I guess we won’t be stopping at the dam after all since you can see it even better from up here on the bridge.

“My God, we’re so fucking high above the river,” Josiah gasps as they begin driving over the span’s concrete arch, well above the canyon below.

“I looked it up on my iPhone when I saw that we were gonna be crossing a bridge over the Colorado River. Finished in 2012, it’s the first concrete-steel composite arch bridge built in the U.S. and incorporates the widest concrete arch in the Western Hemisphere. At 890 feet above the Colorado River, it’s the second highest bridge in the U.S. and the highest concrete arch bridge in the world. The steel suspension bridge spanning the Royal Gorge in Colorado is the highest in the U.S. There have been several suicides from this bridge.”

“You couldn’t get me to jump from this bridge,” Josiah says. “I’m dizzy just being on it.”

Talent briefly glances at his boyfriend and smiles. “I’m happy to hear that, babe. I really don’t wanna lose you, especially jumping off a bridge.”

Josiah smiles. “Aren’t you sweet.”

“Anyway,” Talent continues, “the dam was completed in 1936 to impound Lake Mead to our right, the largest reservoir in the U.S. by volume when it’s full. It’s really something, huh.” Then he throws over his shoulder, “Isn’t it, Addie. Are you happy you got to see it?”

“Of course he is,” Josiah answers for their silent passenger. “He’s probably not afraid of heights, like me. I mean, if we were to go sailing off this bridge because of your erratic driving because you’re looking at me or talking to Addie back there, he doesn’t care since he’s already dead. He won’t even leave his blood spattered on the rocks below like we will.”

Talent grins. “Are you suggesting that I keep my eyes on the road?”

“You think?” Josiah exclaims, his eyes focused dead ahead on the highway. Then he exhales a loud gasp of relief as the hearse crosses back onto land again, and mutters, “Thank God.”

“You feel the same way, Addie?” Talent calls back over his shoulder.

“Of course he does,” Josiah responds. “We’re both glad to to be back on solid land again. Aren’t we, Addie.”

Talent looks over at his boyfriend and smiles. “I never figured you for a pussy, babe. It seems I learn something new about you every day.”

“I’m not a pussy,” Josiah retorts. “I just don’t like being on a bridge almost 900 feet above a river canyon with a careless driver.”

“I’m not a careless driver,” Talent argues. “I got us over the bridge without a problem. Right? Two of the three of us are still living. Right?”

“By the grace of God,” Josiah mutters, turning his attention to the barren, rocky desert landscape to his right. “Hell of a place for a dam.”

“Actually, it’s a great place for a dam,” Talent counters. “Don’t have people living around here complaining that it’s spoiling their pristine backyard view.”

Josiah continues gazing out the window as he says, “That’s because there is no pristine view. It’s mostly all rock.”

“It’s all in the eyes of the beholder, babe” Talent says, looking around. “I think all this is beautiful; a touch of heaven. Wouldn’t you say so, Addie, since you’re probably already there?”

“That would presume that Addie was a good man in life,” Josiah notes.

Talent smiles. “Oh, I have no doubt of that given the many charitable causes the radio announcer said he was involved in. Addie’s probably already got his angel’s wings. In fact, he’s probably our guardian angel on this trip. Aren’t you, Addie?”

Josiah just smiles as he gazes out the window at the unremarkable scenery, his boyfriend always the optimist.

A little more than a half hour later Talent exits US 93 onto I-215 West, part of the belt circling Las Vegas. Several miles later he exits I-215 onto South Las Vegas Blvd and heads north. “We’re here, Addie,” he throws over his shoulder a few minutes later. “We just entered Vegas, heading north on the Vegas Strip. Isn’t it awesome? Wish you could see the sign saying, Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas Nevada. You’d love it, Addie.”

“We’re gonna cruise the Vegas Strip and describe all the sights for you, Addie. It’ll be just like seeing them for yourself.”

“Oh, look,” Josiah says excitedly. “There’s the Luxor and the replica of the famous Great Pyramid of Gisa, Addie. It looks just like it does on the postcards, except it’s huge.”

“And there’s the Excalibur!” Talent says. “It looks just like a real castle with lots of turrets.”

“And there’s New York New York,” Josiah says, “with the Statue of Liberty and a New York skyline. Wow, Addie! You’d absolutely love it!”

“Look. There’s the Paris Las Vegas,” Talent says a few blocks later, “with the Eiffel Tower and the Arch de Triomphe. It’s almost like actually being in Paris, except this is Las Vegas. Are you excited, Addie? I sure am!”

“Hey. Look, Addie! The Bellagio!” Josiah exclaims. “And the fountains are erupting as if they’re saying, ‘Welcome to Las Vegas, Addie! We’re putting on this show just for you!’ Wow. It’s all so incredible. Aren’t you glad you’re here?”

“Of course he is,” Talent laughs. “This is Addie’s big last hurrah before they plant him six feet under.”

“Must you be so crude when Addie’s having such a good time?” Josiah admonishes. “Let him enjoy himself for heaven sake! Don’t mind him, Addie.”

“Sorry, Addie,” Talent apologizes. “Josie’s right. Just enjoy yourself and all the wonderful sights here in Vegas.”

“Hey, over there.” Josiah points. “It’s Caesar’s Palace.”

“Yeah, it’s been here longer than most of these casinos,” Talent points out.

“Over there. It’s The Mirage,” Josiah says, pointing ahead. “Cirque du Soleil is performing The Beatles Love. Too bad we can’t see it, Addie. You’d probably love it. I know I would.”

“Look. There’s The Venetian,” Talent points out. “It’s got a real Venetian canal both inside and outside, complete with St. Mark’s Square. When you’re inside, you’d swear you’re outside, it’s so real.

“And there’s the Palazzo right next door,” Talent continues. “It’s like traveling the world when you’re on the Vegas Strip.”

“Hey, there’s Circus Circus,” Josiah points out a few minutes later.

“It’s one of the original casinos on the Vegas Strip,” Talent adds. “along with the Sahara over there. It kinda looks like a beduin’s tent, huh, Addie.”

Josiah laughs. “‘Most definitely,’ Addie says.”

“Hey, look,” he continues. “The Stratosphere.”

“Too bad we can’t get you up there, Addie,” Talent throws back over his shoulder. “It’s about 900 feet high, and you can shoot up to about 1,100 feet on the Big Shot up on top and get a grand view of the Las Vegas Valley. Or you could dangle out over the edge 900 feet above the ground on the Insanity Skypods or the X-Scream roller coaster.”

Josiah looks over at his boyfriend. “And why the fuck would Addie want to do that?”

Keeping his eyes on the traffic ahead of him Talent says, “Hey, just because you’re afraid of being up high doesn’t mean everybody else is.” Then he throws back over his shoulder, “You’d like that, wouldn’t you, Addie.”

“In case you didn’t hear that, it was a yes,” Talent says to his boyfriend.

“I didn’t hear it,” Josiah shoots back. “So it’s probably just your imagination.”

“Could be,” Talent mutters, “but not likely. Anyway, we’re at the north end of The Strip. It’s close to sundown, so I say we find something to eat, then cruise The Strip the opposite way after nightfall and give Addie the thrill of his life… Or afterlife in his case.”

“Sounds good to me,” Josiah replies. “I’m afraid to leave Addie by himself, though.”

“We won’t,” Talent replies. “We find a place we like. You go inside, order and pay. Then we’ll find someplace where we can park and eat.”

Josiah looks at his boyfriend. “Hey. Why am I paying?”

Talent smiles at him. “Because you love me, and because I’ve been chauffeuring you guys this entire trip. I mean, you could crawl back there, open the box and see if Addie has any money, but I doubt he does.”

“No way!” Josiah vociferously objects. “I’m not opening that box! Besides, it would be sacrilegious.”

Talent shrugs. “Suit yourself.”

They settle on Chinese take-out, which is apparently fairly easy to find in Las Vegas. Talent stops the hearse in front of the first place they see and Josiah jumps out and disappears inside. He returns ten minutes later and Talent pulls away. Ten minutes from The Strip they find a secluded lot. Talent parks the hearse and they dig into their meals.

They are close to finishing their meals when a security guard pulls up beside them. “Hey, fellas,” he says. “I got this call about a hearse parked here—first time I’ve had a call like this—and I’m here to check it out. Care to tell me what you’re doing here. Notice you have Arizona plates.”

Oh my God, we’re going to be arrested for all sorts of crimes! Josiah silently frets as Talent cooly handles the situation. “Yes, sir. We’re from Parker Funeral Home in Quartzite, Arizona. We just picked up a body here in Las Vegas and we’re headed back to Quartzite where he will be interred. We very recently moved to Quartzite, Arizona from Palm Desert, California which is why we still have California drivers licenses. We’re parked in this lot long enough to finish our meals and then we’re headed south to Quartzite. We chose this lot to avoid raising the kind of suspicion that a hearse tends to draw when parked in an unusual area. Guess that didn’t work out so well, huh.”

“Yeah, not so well,” the security guard laughs. “You look legit, though, and since you’re close to being on your way, I won’t hold you up. Las Vegas is a high security risk area, so we have to investigate occurrences out of the ordinary like this.”

“Well, Mr. Addison Barkley back there will vouch for us if you have any questions,” Talent jokes.

“Hey, that’s a good one,” the security guard laughs. “I’ll have to remember it.

“So, I’ll be on my way. Drive carefully back to Quartzite, Arizona, so Mr. Barkley gets safely where he needs to be.”

“I’m sure he appreciates your concern,” Talent replies. And with that the security guard drives away.

“Shit,” Talent curses. “We’d better get our asses out of here before we attract anymore unwanted attention. Let’s change plates first.”

Josiah sighs as he reaches under the seat for the California plates. “Man, I thought we were busted for sure. Let’s see: stealing a hearse, stealing a dead body, stealing Arizona license plates…”

Talent laughs. “And we would have been if it had been up to you to explain our way out of this.

They change back to their California plates and discard the stolen Arizona plates. “So, did you enjoy the excitement, Addie?” Talent asks as he starts the hearse. “You almost didn’t get a trip down the Vegas Strip at night, which would have been a real shame. But I aim to please because a promise is a promise. So off we go.”

“So it’s probably good that we’re traveling at night,” Talent says as they make their way south on the Vegas Strip. “We attract less attention that way.

“Ain’t it the most exciting thing you’ve ever seen, Addie? All these night people just dying to lose their money to these rich casinos? Oops bad word to describe it, I guess. But you get the idea. Right, Addie? At least you’re not one of them.”

“So, we’re driving all the way back to Palm Desert tonight?” Josiah asks.

“Not the way we came,” Talent replies. “We’ll take I-15 back since you have a fear of superhigh bridges.”

“I don’t care much for driving back at night, either,” Josiah makes sure to get his displeasure across.

Talent shrugs. “Six of one, half dozen of the other. It doesn’t matter to me. It’ll probably have to be another fleabag motel, though, to keep from arousing unwanted attention.”

“Suits me,” Josiah replies. “I sure as heck like that better than the alternative.”

“We should try to make it as far as Jean, though. Spend the night in a ground floor room facing the parking lot at Terrible’s Hotel & Casino.

They end their southbound cruise of The Strip at just after 8:00 pm and hook up with I-15 southbound. “You doing okay back there, Addie?” Talent asks. “Did you like cruising the Vegas Strip? Hopefully now you can truly rest in peace.”

“Addie thanks you,” Josiah smiles, looking over at his boyfriend. “He says that you’re truly one in a million, and I agree with him. You really are one in a million, babe.”

Talent smiles. “You’re one in a million too, babe. I’m so lucky to have you.”

“Base. Medevac Hotel Lima Alpha Bravo heading northbound over Interstate 15 enroute to UMC with severe trauma victim aboard. Auto accident. ETA 2045 hours. Stand by.

“Roger, Medevac Hotel Lima Alpha Bravo. Your ETA UMC 2045 hours. Standing by for severe trauma victim. Auto accident. Transmit vitals.

“Base. Stand by for vitals…

“Mayday. I repeat. Mayday. Medevac Hotel Lima Alpha Bravo losing altitude. Manifold pressure dropping fast. Can’t hold it…”

“Oh my God! We’re going to hit that hearse, Charlie…”

“KQPS 103.1 FM, Palm Desert news on the hour, every hour. The charred wreckage of the hearse bearing the body of real estate tycoon Addison Barkley that went mysteriously missing on Wednesday morning was found Thursday night on southbound I-15 in Nevada. It was reportedly hit just south of Las Vegas by a medevac helicopter transporting the victim of an earlier automobile accident to a Las Vegas hospital. The helicopter was reportedly having mechanical difficulties when it crashed into the hearse. There were no survivors. Occupants of the hearse have been identified as Talent Morrow, age 28, Josiah Dixon, age 27, both of Palm Desert, and Addison Barkley, age 75, already deceased. Stay tuned for more information when it becomes available.

“In other news…”

Finis