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Talo Segura

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About Talo Segura

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    Reading. Writing. Cinema.

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  1. It is a rather particular circumstance that you find yourself in with this novel. The changing status is because of the gap between publishing (writing) chapters, more than one month it's labelled TEMPORARY HOLD before going to abandoned or whatever the next label is. I was interested in your comment and so I took a look. You started this epic six years ago in 2014 and there was what, one year between the last chapters. I can see why that might be with your own life problems to deal with. Leaving aside the automatic status changes, which you can go into the story to edit and change back to IN PROCESS, but you've lost your readership over those five or six years. Most of the people, ignoring the little group of I suppose veterans (who have been on GA since before ever I became here and are a tight little consistent group) have long gone. Those outside that little veterans group, with the exception of one reader who commented on chapters one and two have not logged into GA for years. This got me thinking that what you might want to consider is somehow promoting the story, but perhaps that would be best when you get it finished. On a broader spectrum the length of time raises another interesting point. Again, leaving aside that small core veterans group, how long do people stay with GA. It looks to me that frequently members rest a couple of years, maybe even four or five, but not forever. Why? Is the obvious next question. It's not because they've read all the stories nor because they never got to the end of your own novel. I digress from your story, but it seemed interesting. Obviously, people come and go, and I haven't looked at the veterans group, but I tend to think people may come here looking for something which they don't find, with the exception of the veterans who are all long time authors. Anyhow, that's where your comment led me and good luck with the story, I hope you get your medical problems sorted so you can complete it.
  2. Just completed first book of a series, which I highly recommend as classic well written Sci-fi. Great plot, great characters, good descriptions, and full of tension... Brilliant!
  3. Every once in a while you stumble across a great book and a brilliant author. Sometimes, by accident, as in this case. It has been some time since I read Sci-fi, but right from the start I was drawn into this intriguing story. The characters grab a hold of you, the storyline leads you on, and the tension and action are as gripping as any Hollywood blockbuster. Our hero, or should that be, anti-hero, Danni, becomes an unintentional terrorist when he discovers some family truths about the most powerful family on Earth, his family. The price he will pay is exile to the cold wasteland of a prison planet somewhere in the far reaches of space. As if that in itself were not punishment enough he has other terrors which he must face. Danni has his own inner turmoil, he has a unique ability, which is a benefit, but also a curse. We slowly learn through some flashbacks to his life on Earth, what went wrong and how he ended up exiled. We also stand at his side as the nail biting tension mounts with an important unimaginable discovery on this frozen planet. A discovery that threatens not just Danni, but the whole of humanity, because it could change everything. The story is excellent, the pacing is sublime, keeping you reading, keeping you attached to the characters, keeping you on the edge of your seat with tension. It packs a powerful punch and a turmoil of emotions. The descriptions are superb and conjure up the whole scene in your head, it's so well done that you live the story. I honestly couldn't wait for each new chapter and couldn't put it down when reading. Do yourself a huge favour if you are into Sci-fi and read this first book. And even if you are not such a fan of the genre, or like me haven't read any Sci fi in a while, pick this up, because it's a classic. It could be the book of the next Hollywood blockbuster movie, which would be a first, a Sci-fi movie with a gay theme. Read it please, you won't be disappointed, I'm certain.
  4. Talo Segura

    Chapter 30

    Wow! Those last two chapters were so exciting I was on the edge of my seat reading every line full of tension it was better than watching a film and it's not over yet. I'm glad you decided to break the story up into three parts, because this is a natural ending to the story so far. I'm very happy to know it will continue, This is one of the best stories I've read on here and an absolutely fantastic Sci-fi novel. Congratulations on finishing part one of an epic masterpiece, I really, really, enjoyed it so much!
  5. There are a couple of things I noticed here, writing style and the subject of coming out. Writing style, and it isn't unique to this story, you wrote: "He'd quickly glanced around himself as they entered the room, taking in the scene before him." For me those strikethrough words are extra filler words that aren't required. We all do it, pad out the story because we are writing the flow of words that comes out of our head as we imagine the scene. However, if you re-read it, these extra words stick out. Coming out was essentially the theme of the chapter, it was the subject of the gay youth group, and we heard the different stories. It is a shame there was no one who hadn't come out, or had a different story. It's fiction, so it is the writer's prerogative to make up the story. Nevertheless, authors often like to impart knowledge and or advice to their younger audience. Such may or may not be the case here, maybe it is simply a given, accepted that all gay people have to come out. That is up for debate. I think at one point in time it was true, as true as the need for gay ghettos, and gay liberation. I hope we've moved on a bit, and whilst not opposed to the notion of coming out, I'm not certain it is a necessary right of passage for all gay people, not anymore. That doesn't mean one stays in the closet, but that you simply don't have to go around saying to friends and family, I'm gay! The story, it's doing nicely, I'm pleased to have a new chapter, it is one of my top stories.
  6. A look at some stories topping the readership list in the teenage romance genre. @Dabeagle topped a record on comments with his just now finished publishing That certainly was a story packing a powerful amount of drama and if just a little heavy on the rollercoaster of events, revelations and emotions, it was/is a fantastic read. Still in progress and for me, much closer to a real, real life drama, focusing on the trials and tribulations of two teen boys in love, and their family problems is: It promises and is an engaging story with lots more to come. The characters grab you in all these stories, but in this one, the shy Harry is particularly cute! I have still to catch up with: This is the on going lives and romance of a small group of British college kids, which gives a distinctly different flavour being set across on the other side of the Atlantic. I have enjoyed and am enjoying all these teenage romance dramas and recommend, if you haven't yet, you go check them out. There are other great stories in other genres, but teen romance has a huge following on here and so these are my picks of what I've found.
  7. Talo Segura

    Chapter 25

    My observation is that all the world has come out as gay. We have gone, with the arrival of Tracy next door, from a lone boy in the closet with no real friends, to realisation and a potential boyfriend, with a best friend revealing he's also gay and even if he was a shit about gays in the past, he really enjoys sex with Jack and any other available boy. Well it's fiction and fun to read, but a little removed from reality to be anywhere close to a real life drama.
  8. Talo Segura

    Chapter 10

    This was a very well written chapter and I am happy that you are taking the time to plan out where the story might be going. No doubt it will twist and turn, change a little along the way, but it is better to take the time than rush it. I had no problem picking up the story from where I left off. Your writing seems to allow an easy flow and create the kind of story which has the right mix of heavy and light. Perhaps its the pacing, but there are strong emotions and conflicts, yet the whole is easy to read.
  9. Talo Segura

    Chapter 9

    You could pose the same question to yourself, me, and all the other authors on this site. How (should you even want to) do you write stories with a gay theme that might appeal to a larger audience than only a gay one? The image question facing Alex is more difficult. For me, he is faced with a choice, be true to yourself or create a fake persona. If I were in his shoes I would go with being true and the challenge of gaining a huge following whilst being true. The opportunities exist: love is love, and there are any number of huge gay artists with worldwide followings so Alex could be another and maybe Harry could play a part. I hope so.
  10. Talo Segura

    Chapter 27

    I am really enjoying the complexity of this story and confess I have no idea where it's leading too, except I do think Danni will come up with a plan. And I love the monkey Okja... chitter, chitter!
  11. Talo Segura

    Chapter 19

    These boys have a lot of drama in their lives and an overwhelming love for each other. I guess the difference between fiction and reality is that with fiction the guys might be able to overcome their situation despite the adults and get back together. My experience of reality is that you never fully understand the adult world or reasons for the separation and it breaks your heart forever.
  12. I checked out both Wesnoth and Stellaris, for what it may be worth here are my brief thoughts. Wesnoth looked the more interesting, but it is a conversion from a PC game for Android (I'm only reviewing the Android version, I don't have a PC). As such it is done on the cheap, you imitate mouse clicks on a touch screen and move a cursor about. I suppose you could live with that, but it really is last century. The biggest problem is it's big. You need a memory card to download it to or you risk filling your entire drive. Although I say that's a problem, only for tablets and phones, on a PC it would be fine and actually means there must be a huge game in there. Still, although I loaded it, I really can't play on a touch screen imitating a mouse. I took it off to try Stellaris, the beta test version for Android. I've played this before, it's a clone of another game whose name I can't think of, but it's the same, even the graphics of attacking the pirate ships, circling around, exactly the same. However, the rest of the look and feel of the game is greatly improved. Nevertheless, it's another of those so called strategy games which are limited to building a space station and sending out a fleet of ships, waiting ever longer to build stuff so that you will end up paying real money. The winner is the guy willing to spend the most money or someone who can wait an eternity for something to happen. It's Forge of Empires or any other of hundreds of games that use the same format and quickly become excruciatingly boring.
  13. Talo Segura

    Chapter 18

    Drew has a lot of anger inside him, a lot of readers have mentioned this. When I look at this group, including Brax and Teo, they all agree: "... If someone steps to you, you have to hammer them back down.” They are actually all violent. Is this representative of American society? You have to smash the opponent into the ground hard, to be sure they don't get back up and come at you. Because when I look at the news and what happens in America it seems quite possible that this attitude, this approach to life, is where it all starts. I on the other hand, was taught not to fight, that it was wrong to hit someone, whatever happened it was never justified. So I look at this and I think the only guy who isn't violent is Cole. He didn't smash Fimmer into the ground and Drew's violent anger scares him, but Teo and Brax's consensual support for violence does not make me like them. The three of them are the sort of kids my parents would tell me to stay away from. Kids that get into fights were always trouble. There is a part of this chapter where the narrative takes on a weird style, with recounting the court room scene. "The judge stared at the mother and said it was so ordered, and then the fight started over the separation agreement; the mother didn't want the father to see their youngest daughter due to his boyfriend." I thought Cole was recounting what happened, so why use the term "mother" and "youngest daughter." Maybe I missed something, but I found that bit of narrative odd.
  14. Thanks. I'll check it out.
  15. Talo Segura

    Chapter 17

    That was a huge chunk of the chapter, which made it read like teenage gay sex education. Does it really have it's place in the story, my opinion, I think not. Certainly, I have nothing against sex education, but how did Teo explaining his idea (which is also, I assume, the author's idea) of how to prepare for first time gay sex, progress the story. Like they say, there's a time and place for everything, and whilst there is nothing incorrect in what was stated, it's hardly the complete guide, is it. Did everyone practice with a dildo before the act. You do read some stuff about pushing out (it wasn't here) which sounds like giving birth. I think I would rather read true life stories or a sex manual. I gave the chapter a like, because the other half of the chapter was a nice progression of the story.
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