Dead Body Inside - 1. The Heist

It’s a warm, sunny afternoon, not the bleak, rainy, cold afternoon that would typify a funeral. It’s southern California, after all. Talent Morrow sits behind the wheel of a hearse that he is employed to drive. “Hey, Josie,” he says into his new iPhone. “Whatcha doin’ right now?”

“Nothing much. Remember, I’m off today,” Josiah Dixon replies.

“I know, Josie. That’s why I’m calling.”

“Where are you?” His boyfriend asks.

“In a funeral procession, taking the body of this eccentric old man to a cemetery in Cathedral City.”

“Oh.” It’s all that Josiah can think to say.

At that moment Talent suddenly swings out of the funeral procession and heads north on Cook Street to the surprise of the occupants in the limousine that follows. The limo stops but doesn’t follow, the driver and the eccentric old man’s relatives shocked and perplexed.

“Wanna have some fun?” He asks his boyfriend.

“What kind of fun?” Josiah replies.

“Like giving the old man a tour of Las Vegas before he’s lowered six feet down and forever forgotten.”

“You’re kidding. Right?”

“No. We’re fugitives now. We just broke away from the procession. Are you at home?”

“Yeah.”

“We’re coming to get you. Pack a bag for you and me for a couple of days.”

“You’re kidding.” Josiah can’t believe what he’s hearing.

“No. We’re on our way.” With that Talent ends the call and turns his eyes to the mirror to check if he’s being followed. No problem yet.

He hangs a left at 42^nd Avenue, hoping to shake anybody who might be tailing him. Of course, how do you blend in driving a hearse, carrying a dead body no less. Twenty minutes later, Talent turns left onto Joni Drive, drives a block and stops in front of a tawny old apartment building that has seen better days. He gives a honk and watches the curtain of the familiar second story window pushed aside, Josiah looking down at the shiny black hearse parked at the curb.

“Hurry up,” Talent impatiently mouths. Then he looks around for anything suspicious. Still nothing. He presses speed dial on his iPhone again.

“Yo,” he hears after the first ring. “Hold your horses. I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Hurry up, goddamit. Get your butt down here. The sooner we’re on the road the better. The old man’s getting impatient.”

Josiah grabs the bags that he just packed for the both of them and looks around for anything that might need his attention before leaving for a couple of days. Seeing that all is ship-shape, he leaves the apartment and locks the door behind him.

“About time,” Talent says as Josiah opens the passenger-side door, slides into place and fastens his seatbelt.

“What’s his name?” He asks as he turns his head to look back at the expensive-looking casket behind him.

“Don’t know,” Talent replies as he pulls away from the curb, then swings a U-turn and stops at 42^nd Avenue. He looks to his left, then turns right and blends into the traffic. “I call him Mel, short for Melburn.”

“Melburn?” Josiah asks, looking back at the casket again. “Why Melburn?”

“It’s a good name for an eccentric old man, don’t you think?” Talent replies.

Josiah shrugs. “I guess.” He turns his head back to the casket again and says, “Nice to meet you, Mel. Living with the name Josiah is bad enough, so I won’t make fun of Melburn. Hope you enjoy the trip.”

At Cook Street Talent heads north for about a mile, then turns east onto Country Club Drive and drives the few miles it takes to hook up with eastbound I-10.

“So, where are we headed?” Josiah asks as they accelerate to highway speed on I-10.

“Mel wants to go to Vegas,” Talent informs him. “But first we’re going to Phoenix.”

Josiah looks questioningly at his boyfriend. “He told you that, did he?”

“In a way,” Talent replies. “When I was waiting for him to be loaded into the hearse I overheard his family saying that it was too bad that he couldn’t realize his dream of going to Vegas. He’d always wanted to go to Vegas. So after they loaded him in the hearse and we started rolling, I asked, “‘Do you wanna go to Vegas, Mel?’ I swear to God I heard a ‘yes’ from inside that box back there, which means we’re going to Vegas.”

Josiah grins. “What if he’d said no, or more likely said nothing at all?”

“Then we wouldn’t be going to Vegas,” Talent chirps. “Look, I know you’re making fun of me, but I heard what I heard. In fact, if we hadn’t been moving at the time, I probably would have gone back there and opened the box to make sure he was dead.”

Josiah shakes his head. “You’re weird. Talking to dead bodies…”

“No. Mel’s weird,” Talent shoots back. “Why would a dead guy wanna go to Vegas?”

Josiah turns his gaze to the passing desert scenery. “Beats me,” he mutters.

“Maybe it’s the action in Vegas,” Talent muses.

It’s nearly noon when Josiah reaches over and switches on the radio, then tunes to his favorite station. A song had just ended and the broadcaster switches to the news on the hour. “The body of recently deceased real estate tycoon Addison Barkley, also known for his many charitable causes, was being transported from Palm Desert to Desert Park Memorial Cemetery in Cathedral City today when he suddenly vanished,” he announces. “The hearse that was transporting him unexplainably left the funeral procession and headed north on Cook Street to the shocked surprise of his family following the hearse. It is being humorously referred to as ‘the heist on ice’ for the hijacking of a corpse. The police are looking for the hearse, but so far nothing. Stay tuned to this station for more on this developing story. In other news, Palm Desert mayor…”

“So his name isn’t Mel,” Josiah says, still gazing out the window at the monotonous desert scenery.

“Yeah, I guess not,” Talent replies. “Hey, Mel,” he calls back to their esteemed passenger. “I guess your name isn’t Mel after all. It’s Addie.”

“Addie,” Josiah chuckles as they pass the exit sign for Blythe. “I can’t believe that you came up with something as crazy as this.”

“After I heard what I heard, I had this thought that Addie back there wouldn’t rest easy until he realized his dream. Then I got this idea that maybe the guy isn’t ready to be buried yet and still wants to go to Vegas. So I asked him, and sure enough, he still wants to go.”

Josiah turns his eyes away from the nondescript desert scenery to his boyfriend. “So what happens when the cops catch us, which they inevitably will, a hearse in Arizona with conspicuous California plates? I bet they don’t see that very often.”

“You’re right,” Talent replies, looking over at his boyfriend. Sidetracked by Josiah’s emerald-green eyes, he smiles. “You have the most beautiful eyes,you know?”

Josiah just smirks.

“Anyway,” Talent continues. “That’s why we’re gonna stop when we get to Quartzite. We’re gonna get Arizona plates.”

“And how exactly are we going to get Arizona plates?” Josiah asks. “At the Dept. of Motor Vehicles?”

“That’s ridiculous,” Talent laughs. “We’re gonna change plates with an unoccupied car in Quartzite.”

Josiah gasps at what he just heard. “That’s a crime, you know.”

Talent laughs. “As if highjacking a hearse and a corpse isn’t. We’re in it now, babe, whether we like it or not. I just wanna do the poor guy a favor so he can be laid to rest in peace.”

“There’s another detail that you didn’t think about,” Josiah points out. “The guy’s dead. Right?”

Talent looks over at him. “Yeah.”

“So what happens when he starts to decay like all corpses have a habit of doing?”

“Simple,” Talent replies. “We head back to Palm Desert, abandon the hearse, then call the cops and tell them where it is. We’re not gonna be in Vegas that long, you know. Just long enough to satisfy the old man’s wish.”

Josiah turns his eyes back to the passing scenery. “We’ll still be fugitives, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.” Suddenly Talent sounds sullen.

“And what exactly is he going to do in Vegas?” Josiah asks. “He’s not exactly the life of the party, you know.”

“Har har, babe.” Talent smirks. “You made a pun. We’re just gonna cruise the Vegas Strip and give the old man the thrill of his… Hm… I was gonna say the thrill of his life, but that’s not right. We’re just gonna give him the thrill that he’s been hoping for before they plant him six feet down. At least he’ll be happy knowing that somebody cares.”

Suddenly Josiah relaxes and smiles as he looks over at his compassionate boyfriend. “I’m sorry for making fun of you about all this,” he apologizes. “You’re a very considerate and caring guy, you know, willing to risk jail to satisfy an old man’s dying wish. You know, I really believe he actually told you that he still wants to go to Vegas, so now I’m in, all the way in. Let’s all have a good time. Sound good to you, Addie?”

Talent looks over at his boyfriend, meeting eyes that sparkle with warmth and delight. “That’s why I love you,” he smiles.

Josiah takes Talent’s right hand in his left, returns the smile and says, “I love you more.”