Chronicles Of An Academic Predator - 47. Chapter 47

“What the fuck is going on here?” Jeff said, almost yelled.

 

“Tom and I are having sex,” I said to him calmly, while Tom blanched. Jeff was trying to intimidate him, and that pissed me off.

 

“In my bed?” he said.

 

“In our bed,” I said, “not that you'd know it, since you're hardly ever here. Regardless, you have absolutely no right to come in here yelling at me and trying to intimidate Tom. You owe him an apology.” There was venom in my words, and I looked at him with an expression that told him he had stepped dangerously over the line.

 

“I'm sorry Tom. I was just surprised, that's all.”

 

“No, no problem,” he said nervously. “I'm gonna go back to my room and get some rest.” And he practically fled out of our bedroom.

 

“What did he mean, 'his room'?” demanded Jeff.

 

“He needed a place to stay so I invited him to move in. I gave him the room next to Jason's old room.” I was careful not to say the room next to ours.

 

“So let me get this straight, while I'm off on campus you invited this guy to move in with you? Is he your new boyfriend?”

 

“No, you're supposed to be my boyfriend, but you don't seem to want the job. He's a friend and a companion, and I like him.”

 

“That's bullshit. What do you mean I don't want the job? I come home a lot.”

 

“I'm lucky if you're here two nights a week. Even then, you don't act happy to be here. You're anxious to get back to campus and fuck around. So don't get that wounded lover attitude. You're the one who's full of shit.”

 

“I can't believe you're doing this, you're fucking around on me.” And then I snapped.

 

“Fucking around on you? Let me just refresh your rotten memory asshole. You're the one who said that if we found someone else in bed we were supposed to join in, not get pissed. You're the one who hardly ever comes home. You're the one who's fucking around with Willie Jackson and God knows who else and then puts on this holier-than-thou routine.” I was yelling.

 

“I'm not fucking Willie Jackson,” he said.

 

“Don't fucking lie to me. I know you, and I know him. I saw you in the Union, I saw you get pissed when you found out he was over here. Don't insult my intelligence and don't lie to me.” I was really pissed now, and really losing it.

“You want me to sit here alone and beat off every night while you're fucking someone in your dorm room. The room you didn't need because you got an exception. The room you didn't need because you weren't going to do what all Freshmen do. Remember that promise you made to me when you were slowly making love to me? How much you loved me, how important I was to you, how you'd never abandon me. You're a fucking liar. A god damn fucking liar.” He stood there glaring at me.

 

“You don't have anything to say because I'm right. You want to be mad at me, but you can't. You fucked this up, not me. You broke your promises and commitments, not me. I don't have the emotional energy to deal with you and you're total lack of concern for me or our family. Leave. Go be 19. Go party. Go fuck your whores. Go. I'm done. I can't handle it any more. When you're ready to be part of this family, to be a man, to live up to your responsibilities, you come back and see if we're willing to let you back in.”

 

He glared at me. “You want me to leave?”

 

“What part of 'Get the fuck out' don't you understand?” I screamed.

 

“Fine, fine, I'll go back and hang with my friends. They appreciate me.”

 

“They don't appreciate you. They don't care about you. They don't love you. The people that love you are here, but you don't give a shit about them. You turn your back on them. You treat them like shit.”

 

“That's not fair,” he said, but without conviction, and without fire.

 

“Oh yes it is. It's totally fair. When Isidore gives birth, shall we send you a telegram? Where will you be? I know where you won't be. You won't be here. No, you have your friends who appreciate you. And if the baby looks like you, you won't know it, because you'd have to be here to know that. But you won't be here. You'll be hanging out with people who appreciate you. Well let me tell you something. I appreciated you. You didn't appreciate me.”

 

I stood there shaking with rage, staring at him, while he shook with rage too. He stormed into the bathroom to grab some of his stuff.

 

I felt my anger subside, I felt my ire ebb, and I sat on the bed with my head in my hands. He came barreling out of the bathroom and saw me. He knew me so well, he knew I'd calmed down, and that seemed to calm him too. I felt him staring at me for awhile, and then he simply said “Fine, I'm going to go now.”

 

I looked up at him. I knew I hurt him, and I wasn't happy about that, but I'd spoken the truth and that I did not feel bad about. “Stay. This is your house too, even if you are an asshole.”

 

Neither one of us moved. The tension was still palpable. I decided to break it. “You know, I was ready for all of this. I could have handled it too, if you wouldn't have told me how loyal and devoted you'd be. That's what really has me upset.”

 

“I know. You were right and I was wrong. I'm really sorry,” he said.

 

I gave him a weak smile and held out my hand and he held it and sat on the bed next to me. “I meant what I said; I just shouldn't have been so mean about it. You need to go sow your wild oats. I'm not going to be your parent, the bad guy who's forcing you to be responsible. Those are decisions that are up to you. But don't expect me to sit at home alone. I'm not going to do that. And know this. I love you; I love you with all of my heart. But you being gone, even though I understand, is rejection. You're always welcome in my house. But I can't guarantee that I won't ultimately meet someone who cares about me and loves me like you do, but also wants to be with me.” I saw a tear run down his face. He just nodded.

 

“Want to stay here tonight? With me?” I asked. He nodded and kissed me. We didn't make love, we just held onto each other. Whether we were bonding and renewing our relationship, or saying goodbye, I couldn't really tell.

 

October 11, 1963

 

I woke up the next morning still snuggled up next to Jeff. I was kind of surprised that he didn't leave last night or early this morning, but I was glad that he was here. Sometime in the night he had taken off his clothes, and his bare skin felt good against my body. He was snoring softly, and I backed away from him just enough so I could watch him sleep. God how I loved this man. Even when he hurt me, I knew that it wasn't intentional, and that he was a good person, a really good person. But I wasn't going to be his doormat. Even if I wanted to, I had too much pride.

 

I worked my way down his body and saw his cock sticking up, morning wood. I took it in my mouth and started working it. I felt his hand stroking my back. “You awake?” I grinned.

 

“Yeah,” he said. I moved up to kiss him and he kissed me back. There was no passion in it. There was no desire. There was no love. I felt embarrassed and uncomfortable, having blown him, and got him fired up, only to find that he didn't want me. I got up and headed to the bathroom.

 

“JP, wait,” he said, but I ignored him. I got in the shower and took a long one. When I came out of the bathroom, he was gone.

 

I crept next door and tapped on Tom's door. There was no answer so I went in quietly. He was sleeping, all curled up, and he looked so cute, so innocent. I shed my robe and climbed into bed with him and spooned up to his back. He sighed, still asleep, and pushed back into me. I dozed off just holding him, enjoying his feel, his smell, his soft hair, and his smooth skin.

 

I woke up later when he moved and realized that I was hard as a rock and I was poking him in the ass. He moved back against me and before I was fully awake I was inside of him. “Mmmmm” he murmured.

 

I slowly moved in and out while I reached down and fondled his hard cock. I gently caressed in, running my finger around the mushroom tip. He moaned and arched back into me, but I held him in place. I gradually picked up my pace until I was really fucking him. I was getting close, and I realized that I was going to cum. I stroked him purposely, hoping I could get him off when I did, but I came first. He followed not long after me.

 

“That was nice,” he said, leaning back into me.

 

“Yeah, it was. Sorry about last night,” I said.

 

“It's OK. I take it that was your boyfriend,” he said sadly.

 

“Yeah. We're having some issues.”

 

“I heard,” he said, and jabbed me gently with his elbow. “You weren't exactly whispering.” I giggled. What was it about him that made me giggle? “You love him,” he said.

 

“Yeah, I do.” I wondered how that made him feel. “Tom, I hope that doesn't bother you. I don't want to hurt you. I really don't. I mean, maybe we shouldn't be involved, uh, sexually.”

 

He turned around and looked at me. “I know where I stand. I know you like me, and that we're friends, and that I'm more to you than just a cum receptacle.” That made me giggle. “I could fall in love with you if I let myself, but I'm not going to. I love being with you, I love fucking around with you. It's like you opened up a whole new world to me. You made my body do things I never dreamed possible. So don't cut me off now, OK?”

 

I laughed. “You are adorable, cute, smart, talented, and a great piece of ass.” That got me another playful jab. “I'd consider it an honor if you'd let me continue to fuck you,” I said in a mock formal way. We giggled some more, then we kissed, and then I continued to fuck him.

 

That afternoon I told Isidore all my latest news. She was tolerant of my tryst with Tom, although not all that excited. He wasn't her type. She was saddened by my fight with Jeff. “Did you two break up?” she had asked. I honestly didn't know.

 

I needed to go talk to Stefan about Willie. That was eating at my conscience and I wanted to clear the air. I found him engrossed in a book on Modern Portfolio Theory.

 

“Hey JP. What's up?” he said, with that sexy leer that gave his question a double entendre.

 

“That's what I came to talk to you about,” I said.

 

“Do you need some assistance, perhaps?” he asked seductively, and made me laugh.

 

“No, I've done something that may make you mad, but I gotta tell you anyway.”

 

“You mean about you and Willie, and how you've been fucking around with him?” Why wasn't I surprised that he knew? I just nodded.

 

“It wasn't the nicest thing to do to a friend JP, so you owe me one. I get to fuck one of your boyfriends someday. But, pardon me for being so blunt, I didn't consider you a threat. You are fun, but I think for both of you it was just physical, no?” I was trying to focus on the conversation but the underlying meaning was intensely interesting. Stefan was describing me the same way I had described him to Jeff. Was I that big of a slut?

 

“Well, you're right about all of that. It's just been bothering me, and I wanted to clear the air.”

 

“It doesn't matter anyway,” he said, trying to seem like he wasn't sad. It didn't work. “Willie dumped me. He stopped by earlier. He said he'd gotten back together with Ronnie.” I tried to seem impassive but I couldn't. “What is wrong JP?”

 

“He's not back with Ronnie. He's with Jeff.” He stared at me dumbfounded.

 

“He said Ronnie,” Stefan insisted.

 

“He lies. I saw him and Jeff at the Student Union two days ago. I could tell they were together. And then Jeff and I had a massive fight last night and I confirmed it. So either Willie is fucking around with you, me, and Jeff, plus he got back together with Ronnie, or he's a liar.”

 

Stefan looked thoughtful. “He is a liar.” Then he shifted his concern to me. “You are alright? This must be really hard on you.”

 

“You are such a sweet guy Stefan. I come down here to tell you I've been fucking around with your boyfriend and you're worried about my feelings?”

 

He leaned over and kissed me. “You are much more important to me than them.” I hugged him for what seemed the longest time. He looked at me and smiled. “We will get through these things together. True friends, no?”

 

“True friends,” I echoed.

 

October 22, 1963

 

Stefan said we'd get through this together, but he'd been a recluse. I hadn't seen him in ages, so I finally went down to his condo and demanded that he show up for dinner tonight. For him, food was right after sex on the priority list, so once I got through to him it didn't take much to convince him.

 

My life was in a weird fog. Jeff hadn't come back since our unpleasant confrontation. At least not while I was around. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I had a class and he didn't, and Isidore told me that he always came over to see Ace. I told myself that was fine, that I didn't miss him, but that was a lie. I told myself that it didn't bother me that he was involved with Willie, that if that's what he wanted it was OK, but that wasn't true either. I still loved him. A lot. And I missed him terribly. The only thing I'd been able to do it bury it deep inside, deep down, and keep on going with my life.

 

Tom was a really sweet guy, and had endeared himself to all of us. I spent most nights with him, and we had sex a lot. Now that Tom was switched on, he was a dynamo. He was so cute, and with that ass of his that just begged to be fucked, he was almost irresistible. Almost. Unfortunately, I wasn't in love with him. I kind of put him in the same category with Stefan, though not at the same level. Someone whose physical affection I enjoyed and friendship I appreciated, but not someone I'd want to spend my life with.

 

Tom made me feel masculine, very manly, because he was so submissive in bed. That was kind of fun for awhile, but I liked to play the submissive role sometimes. Most of the time, actually. I thought of Jeff and his gorgeous massive body, and how when he made love to me he pinned me down and smothered me with his love. But that train of thought took me back to him, and threatened to blast away my walls, exposing the raw pain that was there.

       

Dinner time loomed and I put on my happy social face. As we sat at the table, it dawned on me that Stefan and Tom hadn't even met yet. How that had happened perplexed me; I guess it was because I had Tom busy in the bedroom and Stefan had been hiding in his condo. I made the introduction and smiled. Was that a little spark between them? Isidore winked at me.

 

Dinner was pleasant, with some lively banter. Stefan was flirting shamelessly with Tom, but Tom wasn't used to someone with Stefan's seductive skills so he just ended up silent and lame. Instead of turning Stefan off, it seemed to just challenge him even more. Isidore and I carried on our own conversation while we eavesdropped on theirs.

 

As dinner ended, Tom looked at Stefan purposefully. “So Stefan, you're pretty new to town, eh?”

 

Stefan is the only guy I know who can almost flirt like a girl and still seem like a man. “Pretty new, yeah, but I like new things.”

 

“There's a great night club not far from here. Wanna go check it out?”

 

“Are you asking me out on a date?” Stefan said, teasing him. He expected Tom to blush, but Tom had his mojo back.

 

“Yeah, I am. I'll pay, but I'll probably want a good night kiss.”

 

Stefan moved up to him and planted a lip lock on him. I saw Tom's pants start to tent. “That's a preview. I live downstairs. Come keep me company while I change.”

 

“Stefan,” I said, “don't give it up before you go out or you won't get any free drinks.”

 

“That's OK, I'm sure I'll find something to drink.” And he stared right at Tom's tenting crotch. Betty stared at the roof as if expecting lightning to strike us all dead, while Isidore just giggled. She headed to bed after dinner, and Tom and Stefan headed out, leaving me all alone, once again. I decided to go see Jason and try to exorcise some of our demons. Jason had been transferred to a facility just outside of Chicago. It was a drive, but the weather wasn't bad yet, so I enjoyed it. It was just what I'd expected from a mental hospital. It was calm, peaceful, sterile, and not a little scary.

 

I checked in at the front desk and an orderly led me to Jason's room. He was sitting there by himself watching television, looking pretty despondent still.

 

“Hey Jason, how are you doing?” I said.

 

He turned to look at me, his eyes filled with terror and hope. I hadn't seen him since that first day in the hospital; I just couldn't bring myself to go back, so we hadn't cleared the air. He just stared at me. I looked back at him, trying to see the evil Jason that had lost it over Isidore and hurt Stefan so bad, but that Jason was gone. I saw the remnants of the Jason that was my friend, my supporter, and the best damn T.A. I ever had.

 

“We'll be fine,” I said to the orderly, abruptly dismissing him, and he reluctantly left. Then I walked up to Jason and knelt next to his chair. He watched me but said nothing.

 

“Jason, we all fuck up in life. God knows you've seen me do it. You're my friend, and I love you. All is forgiven.” His eyes filled with tears but he still said nothing. I moved in and hugged him, and he collapsed into my arms, sobbing. He was too heavy for me to hold up, so I led him to his bed and laid him down, and then I lay down next to him and just held him while he sobbed and sobbed. I stroked his hair and his back, and mumbled nice things in his ear, and felt his pain and torment come spewing forth, years and years of it. As he sobbed, sometimes I felt uncomfortable, not because of Jason, but because of the feelings he was experiencing. I wished I'd known how messed up he was before this.

 

Then finally he settled down and just relaxed on my chest. I kept stroking his back, hoping he'd find peace. Then I felt something strange on my neck. He was kissing my neck! I kept thinking that I should stop him, that this was probably a really bad idea, but then I was worried that I'd upset him. “JP, I love you so much, you've done everything for me. Everything. Do you really forgive me? Really?”

 

I moved his head around so he was looking me in the eyes. “I forgive you, and I want you to get well so I can get my friend back. Maybe even my T.A.” He smiled! He actually smiled! I was so amazed by that I wasn't ready for his next move. Before I knew it, his lips were on mine, not in the dorky way he used to kiss, but in a smooth way, an experienced way, and a good way. And his feelings were behind them. He wasn't being mechanical; he was really trying to express his love for me.

 

“JP,” he said, pausing from out make-out session, “I have no right to do this, but I want to ask you for something.”

 

“Sure Jason, what is it?”

 

“Let me make love to you, right now. Show me that all is forgiven, and that you still care about me, that you still love me.” Wow. That was a tall request.

 

“Jason, we're in a hospital, they might bust us,” I said, sounding like a high school girl parking for the first time.

 

“No they won't. They won't check on us. Come on. Please?” He moved against me and I felt his massive dick, hard as a rock, against my thigh, while his hand moved across my own erection. “See JP, you want me, admit it.”

 

“You're not even gay,” I said, trying to figure a way out of this.

 

“I know, this isn't about that, it's about expressing love. Come on,” he said, and he nuzzled into my neck like Jeff did, “Come on; let me make love to you. I won't hurt you. I promise. Please?” He was moving against me.

 

I reached down and undid his zipper and his monster cock popped out. I stroked it gently, while he took mine out too. He got up and turned out the light, and stripped off his clothes. I took off my pants, keeping everything else on in case someone came in. Not that it would help. I rolled over on my stomach and I felt him move up behind me. Something was on my ass, something wet, and it felt great. It was his tongue! He was rimming me, getting me ready. After a short time (much too short for me anyway) he moved up and I felt his fingers gently probing me, spreading lube on me, and then he was on me.

 

“JP, I've dreamed about doing this, about making things right between us.” He started to push in slowly and when I blanched, he backed out and tried again. “I'll go slow, I want you to feel good, to know how much I love you and appreciate all the stuff you did for me.” Then he pushed forward and he was in. It hurt a little bit, but not for long. Guess I'd gotten some practice in the meantime. He moved in and out of me with more and more urgency. He was driving against my spot, and once I adjusted my ass the feeling started driving me crazy. “I'm gonna cum JP. Is that OK?”

 

“Yeah Jason, blow your load. Show me how much you love me.” And with that he turned into an animal, a good animal, and just went nuts blowing his wad into me. I started shooting after he did, but I still finished before he did. As soon as he was done I jumped up and put my pants on.

 

“I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be a jerk, I just don't want to get busted.” He looked at the blob of cum on his sheets from my load.

 

“So did I do OK? Did you like it?” He was so cute, the cute dorky Jason that I remembered.

 

“You didn't do OK, you did fucking great! Thanks Jason.” He smiled at me. “So when you get out of here, where are you going to go?”

 

“I don't know.”

 

“I do. You're coming home, to your old room. Got it?”

 

“I couldn't do that. Jeff would kill me. He hates me.”

 

I put my arm around him. “Well that's just not true, since he's the one that told me to invite you back.” OK, that was a flat out lie, but I'd deal with that when the time came.

 

“Really? Thanks JP. Thanks for coming.”

 

“No problem. I may not get out again for awhile. The semester is picking up. But don't get offended and think it's because I'm mad at you or something, OK?”

 

“I won't. I'll see you when I get out.”

 

“Damn straight,” I said, and wandered through the weird depressing halls and got the fuck out of that place.

 

November 12, 1963

 

The semester slugged along. Tom was a nice guy, but he was no Jason. I had a lot more work to do this semester. He tried, but he seemed afraid to make a decision. And when students questioned and challenged him, which they always did, he buckled like an old belt. I found myself picking up after his messes, and the grading was all fucked up because of all the concessions he made. When I tried to explain it to him, he thought I was bitching at him and took on even less responsibility.

 

In addition to that work, I was all involved in my paper, which had been published. I'd actually gotten hate mail, which was kind of exciting. There was a coup in Vietnam a few days ago, and it went awry with Ngo Dinh Diem, the ousted president, assassinated in addition to being deposed. Talk about a bad day. So now I was busy writing “I told you so” editorials to stir shit up. I owed it to Andre to try and stop this stupid fucking conflict.

 

All of that was easy to handle though. It just meant some hard work, and I didn't mind that. My problem was Jeff. God how I missed him. There was this huge void in my life, this empty hole where he had been. I thought that as time went on it would get easier, that the hole would be filled with other people, but it was just getting worse. The only person I could talk to was Isidore. I found myself spending the night with her more and more often, having her near me, bathing in the comfort she provided, the salve she was to my wounds. But she couldn't repair the problem; she could only treat the symptoms.

 

Then yesterday I'd seen Jeff and Willie walking in the student union together, looking like two buddies to the whole world, but not to me. I recognized the look on Willie's face, the way he looked at Jeff. That's the same way I looked at him. I eyed my competition and knew that I lost the game. Willie was so much sexier than me, so much more attractive. In the 17^th century, there was a precise etiquette about sieges. After a certain period of time, the defenders were expected to request a parley and surrender. Fighting to the last was frowned upon. It was time for me to surrender, to face the fact that I'd lost him, and for the sake of our family, to try to save what was left of our friendship. It was time for me to swallow my pride and to make the first move, and today was the day.

 

Things had become so awkward that when Jeff saw me on campus he averted his eyes and pretended to have a reason to go in the other direction. This kind of situation couldn't continue. Even if I was willing to live with it, it wasn't fair to Isidore, it wasn't fair to Ace, and it wasn't fair to the baby in Isidore's womb. I had to try and salvage our friendship. No, trying wasn't good enough. I had to succeed.

 

So a very nervous Tom had laid in bed with me last night after I fucked him and freaked out when I told him that he was covering my class for me today. Today was Jeff's birthday and it was a Thursday. Isidore was almost sure he was coming over today, and I planned to be here. I made Tom take my car to campus so it would be gone when Jeff got here, so he'd think I wasn't home. My class started at 11AM, so he could be here as early as 10:30, or as late as noon. I took a shower and made sure I looked as good as I could. I even tried on about three different shirts and two different pairs of pants to get the look that I wanted. I giggled to myself, thinking that I was like a girl going to the prom.

 

I went into my study, which was a good vantage point to watch the elevator, and read a book while I waited. I hadn't told Isidore or Betty I was home, so it was kind of like I was hiding in my own house.

 

At 10:45 I heard the elevator door open and I saw Jeff saunter by with his confident walk, his long strides. I got up and watched him walk down the hall to Isidore's room, admiring his amazing physique from the rear, thinking that that's the only side I saw of him anymore since he was always avoiding me. I tip-toed down the hallway, not intending to eavesdrop. OK, that's a lie. I totally wanted to eavesdrop. I moved up to the door and heard muffled welcomes, then I heard his voice go up and get happy as he talked to Ace. I peeked around the corner to see him holding Ace up in the air and lowering him down so their noses touched. They were adorable. I was miserable. How did this happen? How did I let this one get away?

 

Isidore stood next to him and put her arm around him. “You should come over in the evening sometime and have dinner with us.”

 

He shrugged. “JP hates me so much; I'd just make him uncomfortable.” What the fuck was that? I hated him? Had he lost his mind? I steeled myself and walked into the room. Isidore saw me and froze, and Jeff turned around and faced me with a wide-eyed look on his face.

 

“Yeah, he hates you so much he skipped out on his class today just to stick around and run into you and wish you a happy birthday,” I said and smiled at him. He looked at me, shocked. I couldn't read him, I couldn't tell if he was mad, or OK with it. I figured I'd go for broke. I walked up to him and put my hand on his shoulder and looked at Ace with him. I stood next to him, me on one side, Isidore on the other, and felt his warmth, felt his nearness, and felt myself slowly starting to fall apart. I struggled to get a grip, and I succeeded until I looked up and made eye contact with those beautiful violet eyes. They said so much. They weren't mad; they were confused, and maybe a little happy.

 

I'd planned this whole encounter, planned it down to the wire, thinking that I'd be all calm and collected and that I'd be able to offer him my friendship and beg him for his. But being next to him, touching him, feeling his warmth, smelling his familiar smell, I realized I'd overestimated my strength.

 

“I'll let you spend some time with Ace and Isidore. Will you stop by and see me before you leave?” I asked. I knew I had tears in my eyes and damned myself for my weakness. I hoped to God I could get out of here before they fell down my cheeks.

 

“Sure thing JP. It's good to see you.” He smiled at me. He smiled at me!!! I smiled back and practically skipped down the hall. Get a grip, JP. It doesn't mean anything. He'd be nice to you regardless. He may not even stop by on his way out.

 

I decided that he would, and moved on to plan our encounter. Which room should I be in? The living room was too massive and imposing. The study was my world. Our bedroom? Too suggestive? Maybe, but it's where we spent most of our time, it was our space. I grabbed a book and went in and sat on the bed. I heard the elevator ding, and I was paranoid, worrying that he'd leave without seeing me, but it was just Betty coming back from shopping. I kicked back in bed, pretending to read my book, wondering how long he'd be, trying not to begrudge him his time with Ace, but doing it anyway. I went into the bathroom to put my face back together, and when I came back out there he was, standing in the middle of the room.

 

A calm rational person would walk up to him and guide him to one of the side chairs and chat. A calm rational person would delineate clearly all of the issues and have a solution ready to suggest. I was a calm and rational person, but not when it came to him. I was hurting, hurting so badly, and I missed him so much it was painful. Seeing him in the room brought it back to me, freed the feelings I buried. I just walked up to him and wrapped my arms around him, burying my head on his shoulder and hoped that I wouldn't cry too much. My hope didn't work, and I found tears pouring out of my eyes. He froze for a minute and then I felt him wrap his arms around me. He led me over to the bed and we laid down, my head buried in his chest. Why was I crying? Where was this coming from?

 

I pulled myself together and looked at him. He wasn't mad, and he wasn't running away. This was the first time I actually thought I might succeed in repairing our friendship. Would that be enough? No, it wouldn't. Would it be more painful than no contact? Maybe.

 

“You alright?” he asked me and all I could do was shake my head “no”. He just held me some more. “Shhhhh, it will be OK. Shhhhh,” he said soothingly as he stroked my back and held me tight. I kept shaking my head.

 

“No it won't. It won't be alright. I won't be alright.” I was blathering. I couldn't stand to look him in the eyes, so I just stared at his chest while I talked. “I won't be alright without you.” He stiffened at that and I knew that I blew it. “I'm sorry, I know you moved on and found someone else, and it's not fair to do this to you, but you are my best friend, and I miss you so much.” He was still stroking my back.

 

“I've changed a lot in the last few months JP. You were right, you predicted it, and I should have listened to you. But I'm not the same person I was, the same person that you loved. I'm not sure where that leaves us. I mean, I'm basically a stranger to you.”

 

I nodded and looked at him. “The real you, the greatest guy in the world, the guy who comes over here to see Ace, the guy that will do anything for his friends, the guy who explored Paris with me, the guy who knows all my darkest deepest secrets, that guy, he's still there,” I said firmly, looking at him.

 

“I've been seeing other people,” he said. I felt my heart shatter.

 

“Do you love him?” I asked, not really wanting the answer. “I mean, I don't blame you if you do. He's so much more handsome than me, younger, energetic. Look at me; I'm a fucking emotional basket case.”

 

He lifted my face up to look at him and gave me a soft kiss. “There's nothing wrong with you JP. Any guy, well any guy that's gay would kill to be with you. You're not the problem here. It's me.”

 

“I don't get it?” I said.

 

“I've been totally irresponsible, fucked everything up. I hurt you real bad, let Isidore and Ace down, even Stefan. I just don't think I belong in a relationship. I think I'm toxic. So I've been just fucking around, mostly with Willie. And it's easy, and satisfying in its own way, and I don't feel guilty about fucking up.”

 

I nodded. “Do you still love me?” I asked, looking into his eyes. He squirmed, tried to move his head away without being obvious. But I saw what I needed to see.

 

“You reading my mind?” he joked.

 

“Yep,” I said with a smile.

 

“Then what am I thinking?” he asked.

 

“You're thinking that what you just said was a bunch of bullshit and that you still love me and that you miss me almost as much as I miss you.” I was probably projecting. I was probably full of shit. But it was worth a shot. “So Mr. Psychic, what am I thinking?” I asked, giving him an out.

 

“You're hoping that what you just said is the truth, but you're not entirely sure.” I laughed.

 

“And what are you thinking?” I asked.

 

“I'm thinking about how annoying it is that you can read my mind.”

 

I sat up on my elbows and looked at him. “Really?” He nodded. “Why didn't you just tell me that in the first place?” I asked.

 

“If I was that easy, you wouldn't appreciate me,” he said, and leaned down and kissed me. I kissed him back, and the longer it went, the higher our passion rose until it was like a crescendo. I was in a fog, a fog of bliss, and I felt my clothes flying off of me oblivious as to whether I was taking them off or he was.

 

He rolled over on top of me like I loved, grinding into me, and I wrapped my legs around him and grabbed his head with my hands, holding him to my lips. His rubbing was more intense, and I felt my sexual fever rise. “Oh baby, just feeling your body next to me, against me, you're gonna make me cum. I can't believe how hot you are,” he said in a whisper, right in my ear, and sent me right over the edge. “Me too, me too,” I gasped, panting, as we shot our loads all over each other.

 

We lay there in bed, clinging to each other like a drowning man clings to a life raft. I was hungry, but I didn't care. I was thirsty, but I didn't care. I had him here, now, and there was no way I was letting go. We didn't say anything, just savored the closeness. Then he stirred, first his mouth, then his dick, and I was on my side and he was moving up behind me, entering me, entering me with a love I'd never felt from anyone else.

 

“Tell me what I want to hear,” I groaned as he slid his cock in and out of me.

 

“You want me to tell you that I love you. I do. I love you more than anything,” he cooed and I arched back against him. “You want me to tell you that I'm back, that I'm here with you, and that I'm not leaving again, and I will,” and he sucked on my neck. A shrill moan, almost a scream slipped out. “You're my world baby, you're my world,” and I shot my load like a rocket blows it's fuel, and with a growl that neither one of us expected. And he came right with me, and it was glorious, and it was perfect.

 

“I can't believe you're back,” I said, smiling at him.

 

“I can,” he said. “I mean, I can see how you couldn't live without me,” he joked.

 

“Almost,” I said. “So what shall we do today to celebrate your birthday?”

 

“Well, I had plans for this evening,” he said, and I tried to keep my expression from dropping. “I said 'had'. How about if we get up and take a shower and then we can go out for lunch. Then let's have a family dinner tonight. I miss everyone.”

 

I loved taking a shower with him, to be able to wash off his body for him, to gaze at his youthful exuberance, to admire his bulging muscles. Football had really toned him up even more, as if that was possible. I was washing his ass when he turned around and looked at me with that horny look. “Fuck me,” he said. “I haven't let anyone fuck me since I left here. I want you to fuck me.” So I did.

 

I gave Betty instructions on dinner for the evening, and asked her to get a cake and all kinds of birthday shit, while Jeff played with Ace. Then I called Stefan and demanded his presence for the evening. With Tom. Plans in hand, we headed out to lunch.

 

“I've been eating on campus and the food just sucks,” Jeff said, wolfing down a burger like it was nothing.

 

“Was it nice being on campus?” I asked.

 

“Yes and no. It was good for me. I felt free, like I had no responsibilities. I could do what I wanted, go where I wanted, and I didn't have to worry about anyone else. I thought I could live that kind of life and be happy.”

 

“What happened?” I was curious as to what kind of metamorphosis he'd gone through.

 

“Freedom can be lonely. Being away from the people you love can hurt, a lot. And I found that Willie was getting too into us, and he was becoming a little weird and possessive.”

 

“I can relate to those feelings. What about Willie?”

 

“You want me to promise to never see him again, to dump him like a chewed up bone?” he asked, irritated.

 

“Jeff, come on, that's not fair. I like Willie. I don't want to see him hurt. But I don't want to share you either. Is that such a bad thing?”

 

“I'm sorry,” he said sheepishly. “I know he's gonna be upset when I move back home and when he finds out we're together again, and I know he's gonna be hurt, and I feel bad about that so I'm a little defensive.”

 

He looked at me and laughed. “What?” I said, irritated.

 

“You want to ask me if this is really what I want, if I'm having second thoughts, but you're afraid that I'll say yes,” he said.

 

“We're going to have issues if you keep reading my mind,” I said, feigning irritation that was very real.

 

“The answer is no, I'm not having second thoughts. I knew I wanted you a long time ago. I just thought you hated me so much it would be impossible.”

 

“Well you were wrong. Are you done eating yet? I've got the afternoon free and I'd like to look at myself in the mirror.” He snaughed.

 

We locked ourselves in the bedroom and made love until we were out of fluids. It was awesome. I loved the sex, but what I liked best of all was lying there with him, feeling his strength and love, and smelling his strong masculine odor. I remember how when we were first hanging out together it had sort of smelled nasty. Now it was an aphrodisiac for me. There was a soft knock on my door and I got up to let Isidore in.

 

“Hey baby,” Jeff said and kissed her gently. “Come join us.”

 

“You are tempting, but I fear your large penis would hit the head of my baby,” she said and giggled. I cracked up. “I came in to tell you that dinner is almost ready so you should clean up and get dressed. Well at least you should get dressed JP,” she said, slamming me good-naturedly.

 

We came out of the bedroom to find a Thanksgiving Dinner, with turkey, gravy, and all the stuff that goes with it. The table and room were decorated with birthday stuff. Stefan, Tom, Betty, and Isidore had worked like fiends transforming the dining room into a birthday party room. They started singing “Happy Birthday” as soon as he came into the room, and there were tears in his eyes when we were done.

 

“You see,” I said, “you are much loved, and I am not the only one glad to see you back.” And Jeff, true to form, was just the best guy ever. He went out of his way to make sure Tom knew he was welcome, and that stopped being contrived when he found out Tom and Stefan were an item. We had just retired to the living room when the elevator buzzed.