The Title Will Go Here - 15. Chapter 15

Ack, sorry for disappearing for so long again... 

- XV -

Robert Knox was a proud man. He was a man whose pride defined his entire existence. Therefore, Robert Knox was not one of those who took failures lightly. Failures always led to humiliation; and humiliation was fate worse than death.

Humiliation could sneak up on you in different forms – forgetting to fix the zipper on your pants after leaving the bathroom; tripping on your own feet and falling down in the middle of the street for everyone to see; being on the receiving end of a practical joke or a nasty prank; or making a complete fool out of yourself in front of everyone because you couldn’t stop chugging down alcohol... Humiliation is a powerful and very creative force – Robert knew that for his entire life. He learned it from his mother, and she firmly believed that it was much better to face death rather than being humiliated in public.

He has been drinking coffee for the last hour, blindly staring out of the big window across from his chair, knowing that sooner or later, he had to do it. He had to go there and do it. He had to apologize to Stratos Gregorio. He had to apologize to him for his drunken behavior Friday night. Robert had never had many weaknesses, but alcohol was it – his one and only vulnerable spot. He was perfectly aware of that, and would always make sure that he didn’t drink enough to drown his self-control. Once in a while, however, he slipped. Friday night was one of those occasions.

What the hell was he thinking, even talking to that damn kelari, let alone grabbing his arm! “You are drunk... However, tomorrow, when you are back to normal, I will expect an apology...” he heard in his head yet again, and closed his eyes without letting go of his coffee cup.

Today was Monday, not exactly ‘tomorrow,’ but Robert simply could not bring himself to do this on Saturday or even Sunday. He was finally able to force himself to go through with it today. He opened his eyes, emptied his coffee cup, and took a deep breath, shutting up a shrill voice in his head (“You are pathetic...! You are weak...! Why the hell did you even walk over to that goddamn kelari?! What were you thinking?!”) that for some inexplicable reason, seemed to belong to his long dead by now mother.

He put a couple of bills on the table and stood up, feeling tension from his rigid back spread onto his jaw, locking his teeth. He took another deep breath and headed towards the front door, determined to finally rip off this particular bandage.

...He knew where Stratos Gregorio lived. Back when Stratos was still together with Katherine Maltino, there was a period of time when she lived in the musician’s house. She was famous for the amazing parties she would throw quite often, and Robert attended several of them. Then Stratos and Katherine broke up, and she disappeared from the horizon for two full years until Friday night. Friday night... That goddamn Friday night...

He got to Stratos’ house in less than half an hour, and sat very still in his car without turning off the engine for a minute or two. Finally, he took a slow, deep breath, and turned the key in the ignition, concentrating on sudden silence that attacked him as soon as the car stopped purring.

The walk across the street towards the tall dark-brown door of the big house felt excruciatingly long. When he finally made it there, he stood still for almost a minute, and then took another deep breath and slowly lifted his arm, forcing his finger to touch the smooth black button of the doorbell. The door opened a few seconds later, and Robert stared at a professionally-unemotional expression of some woman in dark clothes.

“May I help you?” the woman asked in a dignified voice, and Robert blinked. This must be Stratos’ maid, he thought. He nodded.

“I need to see Stratos,” he said, and the woman slightly tilted her head in an agreeable manner, and stepped aside, letting him into the house.

She led him to a huge living room and gestured towards the large chair not too far from him.

“Would you like some coffee?” she asked in the same dignified voice, and Robert shook his head.

“Just get Stratos,” he said tightly, and she gave him another half-nod and walked away without saying anything else.

He ignored the chair and stood rigidly-still, staring at the paintings on the walls without seeing them. He blinked and slowly turned around when he heard footsteps behind his back.

“Robert...” Stratos said slowly without a smile when he walked into the living room.

“Stratos...” Robert slightly lowered his head in a vague resemblance of a nod.

Both of them were silent for a few seconds, Stratos’ expression slightly dark and clearly expecting. Robert’s teeth were locked so tightly that he could feel the tension in his temples. Finally, he took a deep breath.

“Phenomenal performance on Friday,” he said sincerely, and Stratos slightly nodded without shifting his gaze.

“Thank you,” he said tightly, and Robert let out an inaudible sigh when there was another wave of dark silence.

“About Friday night...” he started saying slowly, trying to find the words that wouldn’t take away all of his dignity. “I have had too much to drink and it affected my actions... My behavior was inexcusable... I apologize,” he lowered his head without looking away from the bright-blue eyes that remained calm and blink-free.

“Apology accepted,” he expected to hear, and straightened up in rigid disbelief when Stratos suddenly said:

“No.”

“Excuse me...?” Robert said slowly, several stunned seconds later.

“No,” Stratos said again in the same quiet, calm manner. “You don’t need to apologize to me... You need to apologize to Gemini.”

Robert blinked at that.

“Gemini...?” he repeated with a small frown. “Who is...”

“The one you insulted on Friday night,” Stratos said without letting him to finish the question, and Robert stared at him, suddenly speechless.

“Your kelari...?” he finally managed, and Stratos’ expression darkened. “You want me to apologize to a kelari?!”

“I don’t see why his race should be an issue,” Stratos said with dry tightness. “It certainly wasn’t on Friday night...”

He was not joking, Robert realized a second later. He meant it. He closed his eyes.

“Fine,” he said very evenly after he opened them. “Fine... Would you please tell...” he stopped his jaw from locking again. “...Gemini...” he forced the hateful name out of his throat. “... would you please tell him that I...”

“No,” Stratos interrupted him in the same quiet, dark manner. “You are going to tell him yourself...”

Robert remained mute longer than he did several minutes ago.

“Don’t do this,” he finally said very quietly. “Stratos, don’t do this... Do not humiliate me by making me apologize to your pet...!”

“I already told you...” Stratos said slowly, his eyes darker than before. “He is not my pet... And I am not making you to do anything... You owe him an apology...! But if you don’t want to do that, then don’t...” He shrugged without looking away. “I am sure he will forgive your debt... If that’s the case, then please leave... I am rather busy,” he finished with a small nod, and Robert’s vision splashed with a painful red haze for a minute.

Forgive? He will forgive his debt? It was bad enough to hear that he owed something to a kelari, but to be forgiven by one...? A dark-red haze exploded into a startlingly crimson cloud, and Robert blinked when all of a sudden, that cloud made him feel eerily calm. So calm that he felt cold. Icy-calm.

“Fine,” he said, and marveled at the fact that he couldn’t feel his lips move. It was almost as if someone else was doing the talking for him. “Fine... Call him...” He tried stretching his mouth in a small smile, but wasn’t sure whether it worked or not – he couldn’t feel his face. “Or do you want me to go to him...?” he asked in a low voice.

“No,” Stratos ignored the possible smile and turned his head. “Gemini...!” he called rather loudly, and some seconds later, Robert’s vision wrapped itself into another crimson cloud when he saw the familiar shine of golden hair appearing in a doorway.

“You called...?” the blond kelari started saying, and then he froze in his spot, immediately recognizing Robert, his eyes growing suddenly wide.

“Yes,” Stratos walked towards him and put his arm around stiffened shoulders. “Robert has something he would like to tell you,” he said quietly, and Gemini blinked at that.

Robert attempted another smile, having no idea whether he succeeded or not, crimson calmness enveloping him with comforting ice.

“I apologize for my behavior on Friday night...” he paused. “...Gemini...” he said a few seconds later, marveling at how alien his own voice sounded to him right now, and wondering why he couldn’t feel anything.

He looked into the widened golden eyes that turned him on so much on Friday night, and suddenly, he had an impossibly bright image flash in his mind – an image of two black, bleeding holes where those eyes used to be. The image felt so real that Robert felt dizzy for a moment.

“Apology accepted,” Stratos said in the same quiet manner, and Robert blinked when the image disappeared.

He nodded without feeling it and walked out of the living room without saying anything else. He left the house and headed towards his car, crimson calmness caressing him with icy tentacles. When he started the engine, he suddenly smiled, and this time, he felt it. The beautiful image was gone but not forgotten. He knew what he needed to do to start feeling better.

****

“You shouldn’t have done it...” Gemini muttered after the strangely lean and chubby at the same time man left the house. “You shouldn’t have made him apologize to me,” he answered Stratos’ silent question.

“Yes,” Stratos said seriously. “I should have! He owed you an apology, and he was perfectly aware of that...!”

Gemini bit his lip for a few seconds.

“He looked...” he paused for a second. “...furious,” he finished slowly, and Stratos sighed and started walking across the living room, never letting go of the stiffened shoulders under his arm.

“He was fine,” he said, and then shrugged. “I mean, he probably hated this, but he took it well enough...”

“He didn’t,” Gemini said quietly, following the musician. “And he wasn’t fine... He looked...” He paused again. “I’ve seen that expression before,” he finally said, and Stratos looked at him. “I’ve seen it before,” Gemini nodded. “Whenever I saw it, I knew that they were going to lose it... And they always did,” he added a few seconds later, and Stratos tightened his grip on the stiff shoulders.

“Forget about him,” he said in a low voice. “This is over and resolved, so just forget about him...”

He pushed open the door he was heading towards, and Gemini’s eyes widened when he saw the broken window.

“What happened here?” he asked incredulously, and Stratos shot him a quick look.

“Doesn’t matter right now,” he said and let go of the tight shoulders, heading towards the piano, which lid was still open. “I want to play something for you,” he nodded and sat down on the bench, wincing from a sudden gust of wind.

“What is it?” Gemini slowly walked towards the instrument, his eyes darting towards the broken glass on the floor.

“Just listen,” Stratos nodded and looked at the dully shining keys.

He sat still for several seconds, thinking. Finally, he nodded again and brought his hands up, wondering why he started feeling uneasy all of a sudden. His fingers touched the cold keys, and a few seconds later, there was that very familiar melody floating through the air, weaving its way through the circle of fifths.

He was somewhere in the middle, when all of a sudden, Gemini said:

“Stop!”

Stratos glanced at him without taking his hands off the keyboard, letting the melody to survive for a few more measures, and Gemini’s expression tightened.

“Stop...!” he said again, louder this time. “Stratos, stop! Please...”

Stratos frowned when his hands refused to leave the keyboard, and forcefully pulled them down, quickly shutting the lid of the instrument. He looked at Gemini, whose expression was tight, dark, and worried.

“Why did you want me to stop?” he asked quietly, and the golden eyes shifted towards his face. “Do you know this melody...?”

“No...” Gemini said slowly. “I have no idea what it was...”

“Then why did you want me to stop?” Stratos suppressed a sudden desire to start playing again. He stood up instead.

“I don’t know...” Gemini said in the same slow manner. “I don’t know...” he repeated and looked at the instrument again. “It just felt...” He paused, looking for the right word. “It felt bad,” he said finally, and Stratos frowned at that. “I don’t know how to explain it... Just bad... It felt like something horrible was about to happen if you didn’t stop...” he looked into the bright-blue eyes. “Don’t play it again,” he said quietly. “Please...”

“Okay,” Stratos nodded and stepped closer to him. “I won’t,” he said after he wrapped his arms around the tense shoulders.

They stood silently for a minute or so, Gemini’s shoulders finally relaxing under Stratos’ arms, his face pressed into the other man’s neck, when Stratos said suddenly:

“Do you want to take it off?”

Gemini straightened up.

“The Lock,” Stratos nodded when he received a slightly confused golden glance. “The one they put on you... Do you want to take it off?”

The golden eyes widened at that. Stratos patiently listened to the silence without saying anything else.

“I don’t...” Gemini finally said slowly. “I don’t... know... I don’t even know what would happen, how bad it would...” He stopped talking for a few seconds, his expression perturbed. “I have no idea how to control it, I...”

“You’ll learn,” Stratos interrupted him. “You’ll learn,” he said again when he caught an unblinking golden stare. “I will help you...” Here he smiled. “A few broken lamps and some picture frames are not going to make me change my mind...”

“This is...” Gemini said as slowly as before. “This is... I have never... This is... I don’t...”

“It’s a part of you,” Stratos said when he fell silent again. “Gem, it’s a part of who you are...” He paused. “You don’t have to decide right now,” he finally continued without looking away from the flushed face. “Take all the time you need... But this power...” He paused again and placed his hand onto Gemini’s chest, right on top of rapid heartbeat. “...is a part of who you are,” he finished with a small nod, and Gemini slightly bit his lip.

“I don’t know...” he finally muttered, his expression miserable, and Stratos pulled him closer.

“Take your time,” he said and closed his eyes when he felt a tight, desperate circle of trembling arms lock around him.

****

Robert loved this neighborhood. It was a dirty, disgusting, absolutely foul shithole, and it was perfect. He found it a few years ago, by mistake, when he managed to make a navigational error and instead of getting to the new trendy club, he ended up here. At first, his reaction was the same as everyone else’s would be – pure disgust. However, a little bit later, when he was trying to find his way out of this filth, he suddenly saw the possibilities. Oh, the possibilities...!

This neighborhood was what would happen if a place hit rock bottom and then some. Every single militia station has given up on this place a long time ago, pretty much scratching it off their maps – not a single cruiser would as much as drive by, checking the order. There was no order here.

The other great thing about this neighborhood was that no matter what happened, nobody would see, hear or say anything. You could be committing a mass murder in the middle of the street, and you would be able to work in peace without being disturbed. It was a place where literally nobody would hear you scream. It was perfect.

...He’s been driving around this ideal shithole for about an hour, scanning his choices methodically, without getting frustrated and without even a hint of rush. He never rushed himself when it came to restoring his inner balance – it was too important.

He kept glancing around, keeping his speed at 25 miles per hour, giving himself enough time to look at each choice carefully, when suddenly, he noticed another golden shine straight ahead. He concentrated on that shine and picked up speed just a little. It will probably be another imperfection, he told to himself silently when his heartbeat decided to skip a few thumps in another rush of hope. No need to get too excited just yet.

He drove closer and his heart skipped another thump, and then its suddenly-rushed beating made Robert slightly lightheaded. This was exactly what he was looking for, he realized and wrapped his fingers tighter around the steering wheel, bringing the car to a smooth, desired stop.

The reason for his sudden excitement immediately noticed him, smiled, and slowly walked towards the standing-still vehicle. Robert waited for the reason to walk closer, and then he pushed the button next to his elbow, making the window silently slide down. He ignored a sudden wave of stench that immediately burst in and waited semi-patiently for the reason to lean in.

“Are you lost, darling?” the reason asked him in a husky voice.

“Do you have any glamour?” Roberts asked without wasting any time, and the reason smiled again and batted its long eyelashes.

“I have one left,” it said, and Robert finally smiled.

“Get in,” he said shortly and unlocked the door of the car.

The reason gave him another smile and smoothly slid into the front seat. Robert closed the window and threw the car in gear.

“What do you want me to be?” the blond reason asked him a few minutes later and pulled a small green capsule out of its pocket.

“Make your eyes the same color as your hair,” Robert commanded, and the blond blinked at that.

“Have a thing for kelari, huh...” he muttered, and then smiled again. “All right... As you wish,” he murmured and put the capsule in his mouth, swallowing it in one quick, habitual move.

Glamour was illegal, addictive as hell, and therefore, expensive, but it was worth it. If you wanted to last in sex-selling business for longer than a week, glamour was a must – clients liked variety. The blond knew that it would take five or ten minutes for the capsule to kick in, and he threw a questioning glance at the man next to him. The man kept driving without slowing down, and the blond let out a small sigh, realizing that he would have to wait until the pill took its effect – the client was not going to touch him until then.

He looked through the tinted window, scanning the surroundings with boredom, when all of a sudden, there was a very sharp, and firm command:

“Look at me!”

He jumped in his seat, startled, and turned his head. He looked into the slightly slanted eyes and realized that this particular client was one of those. He locked his teeth, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to work for the next few days – nobody liked bruises and battered face, glamour or not.

He watched the man who seemed to be concentrating solely on the road in front of him for the next five minutes, not daring to look away, when he felt a warm rush of euphoria zoom through him, making him pleasantly ecstatic. He immediately recognized the effect of the drug, knowing that it finally kicked in, and closed his eyes, concentrating on the request (“order”) that he got.

He sat still for a minute or so, and finally, took a deep breath and slowly opened his eyes. The man behind the wheel threw a very quick glance at him, let out a rather loud, short exhale, and took a sudden right turn, bringing the car to a hurried stop in the empty lot of some abandoned building.

“You like this, darling...?” the blond asked in a low voice, even though he started feeling uneasy.

“Oh, yes,” Robert answered sincerely and leaned forward.

The blond immediately pulled away.

“Mmm...” he said softly. “I don’t kiss on the lips, darling... I do everything else though...” He let out another smile, trying to tame the growing fear inside his chest.

Robert smiled as well.

“Oh, don’t worry...” he said in a very low voice. “I am not going to kiss you...”

He reached out and ran his fingers through long silky hair, marveling at the golden shine. He caressed the soft strands for the next several silent seconds, and then suddenly, his fingers rolled into a tight fist, locking harshly on those strands. The blond let out a startled, loud inhale when the man yanked him towards himself by his hair, and instinctively tried pulling away, getting another harsh pull as a result.

Robert leaned closer.

“You have my deepest apologies, Gemini...” he murmured, getting intoxicated on the rapidly growing fear that was splashing in the widened golden eyes. “My deepest apologies,” he repeated, and suddenly, the blond knew that he wouldn’t be coming to work any time soon. In fact, he would never work or do anything again.

He was right.

****

Robert threw another glance at the broken, lifeless body and felt a gentle smile caressing his face. He was right, he thought while looking at two black bleeding holes on the frozen in an eternal scream face. This image was beautiful. He looked at the ideal picture in front of him for several more minutes, and then sighed and took a big white lighter out of his pocket. He picked up a dry twig that lay nearby and clicked the lighter, making it come to flaming life. He threw the burning twig onto the thoroughly soaked body (Robert always came prepared), and smiled again when there was a familiar hungry ‘Whoosh...!’ of the satisfied fire.

He took a few steps back, admiring the blazing madness in front of him, the same gentle smile never leaving his face, and he felt whole again. His inner balance has been restored. Not completely, of course, but it would do for now. It would be restored completely when he got the original, and that required thorough planning. This was good though. This was good indeed, he nodded to himself and turned away from the glorious picture, heading towards the car. This one burned as easily as all the other ones, he thought while opening the door.

Right before he got inside, he tutted with slight annoyance when he noticed a small spot of blood on the inside of his wrist. He slowly licked it off, making sure he got the entire thing, and then got inside the car and started the engine. Soon enough, he was back in the healthy part of the city, on his way home, ready to celebrate his inner restoration.

He was almost in his neighborhood when he caught himself whistling some light, mindless tune, and he let out another smile.

“Most sincere apologies, Gemini...” he murmured and started whistling again.