Red Riding Hoodie - 1. Chapter One

I drew a red X through another paragraph. It was one of several other markings covering the once pristine manuscript. I turned the page, and thankfully it was the last. Hallelujah! My eyes read the final few paragraphs with incredible speed. The thought of finishing this convoluted novel invigorated my spirit.

“What the actual fuck!”

I spat the curse with so much venom that it was a miracle my coworkers weren’t barging into my office. I closed the book with force and glared at the four hundred and eight seven page book. I wanted to burn it with fire.

I was only a junior editor, so I was saddled with a lot of new writers. The latest garbage fire on my desk was Red Riding Hoodie, an urban fantasy that was the bastard of Twilight, Teen Wolf, Game of Thrones, and every harem anime I’ve ever seen. Management was breathing down the department’s necks about finding a series that could be the next big thing. They wanted another Hunger Games or Harry Potter. So anything low fantasy was picked up and the editors were paying for it.

I scowled at the summary on the book’s back cover:

Hal Schuyler is a receptionist and aspiring actor, who has just been dumped by his agent andboyfriend. In the same week. 25, single, and struggling to pay bills, it all comes to a head when Alaric, who is, in his opinion a dick, flies in and saves his life. Literally, flies. It turns out Hal is a sidhe, immortal and most supreme of the fey. Yeah, news to him too. Hal is apparently the long lost heir to the recently throne less Seelie Court of the Faerie. With just the Prada on his back and Alaric’s help, Hal has a throne to claim. Until then, he has to dodge assassination attempts from both faerie courts, his demonic fairy godmother, and his aunt Ophelia, Queen of the Unseelie Court, who would rather see his blood spilled than exchange Xmas cards.

Even reading the summary left me wanting to rinse my eyes with bleach. Amateur writing, cliché tropes, plot holes, and an unlikable main character. Calling this drivel a novel was being far too kind. This trash wasn’t even approaching the worst fanfiction.

All the characters were one dimensional and existed to basically monologue how awesome the main character was. Speaking of the main character, Hal, was a grade A asshole. A chosen one who was a complete dick. The sacrilege! Where was the noble and courageous hero that propelled the story forward and left you eagerly anticipating his heroic trails to victory?

How in the hell was anyone supposed to root for a protagonist that belittled his protector? And that wasn’t even the worst thing. When it came to light that Alaric was also half vampire, the son of an Elder, Hal banished him to the Deep Dark—a pitch black realm that drove those with fragile minds to insanity. It was no surprise that Alaric ended up ruthlessly murdering Hal in the very end. He stole his inheritance and even conquered his kingdom.

Yes, that’s right. The chosen one had his heart ripped out, literally, and eaten by the very person who was sworn to protect him. I could feel my temples pound with the beginnings of a migraine. I wish I had someone sworn to protect me from reading this garbage.

Even the author’s name, Henry Goodfellow, made me want to fight. There was nothing good about him. He was nothing of the sort!

I was going to write him a scathing email when my blood pressure went down. That was thirteen hours I wasn’t ever getting back. Tears almost fell as relief swept over me when I realized I wouldn’t ever have to read another villain monologue.

I took a vicious bite of the granola bar clenched in my hand. I had been gripping it so tightly that it was almost mush. I shoveled the remains into my mouth before it could fall through my fingers.

That was a mistake. The granola went down all wrong, and my eyes widened as I clutched my throat. It felt like a giant fist was shoved down my windpipe. I started to choke for dear life. I jumped to my feet then fell over just as quickly as my lungs burned.

The coughing was draining my strength. I can’t believe the last piece of literature I got to read in the entire world was Red Riding Hoodie. Not Shakespeare or Dostoevsky.

“Fuck you, Henry Goodfellow!”

Blackness overtook my vision.

Okay, so there might have been some good parts in the novel. The worldbuilding was impressive and a real page turner. A parallel world of magic and kingdoms and creatures from fairytales—it was the stuff of fantasy nerds everywhere. Even though all the women were drop dead gorgeous and all seemed drawn to Alaric.

And who didn’t love a good mystery? There were plenty. It was infuriating that none of them paid off. All that foreshadowing gone to waste.

This fire was going follow me into the afterlife.

[Flame Imperishable detected. Re: Life System activated.]

“Oh God, I can’t believe Siri followed me in death.”

The voice came from nowhere and everywhere. Only the letters hovering in the air glowing with strange blue light gave me something to focus on within the black void of wherever I was. I couldn’t even see my body.

“What the hell is going on?”

[Greetings. Welcome to the Re: Life System. This system is designed to allow users to transform a garbage piece of nightmare fuel into a superior magnum opus. We strive to ensure an unforgettable experience. Remember this is your second life. Make it count.]

Light seeped in like the first rays of morning sunlight. “Hal..Hal… Are you alright?”

I blinked and then winced as the world was a blur of color. My head tilted, and I could barely make out the scenery of passing buildings through a car window. Who the hell was speeding through downtown like a getaway driver?

“Hal,” repeated the voice. “Please be okay. Talk to me!”

The deep baritone belonged to the driver; he was a man who was probably in his late twenties or early thirties. He had brown skin and dark hair that fell to his shoulders. He resembled someone of maybe Pacific Islander descent. He was a handsome man, and right now, he was staring right at me even as he was speeding down a city block.

I looked down and saw that I was wearing a pair of jeans and a long sleeve Henley. I studied the man again. He looked like a surfer on his way to business school in his gray dinner jacket and chinos.

Hazel eyes lit up when we held eye contact, shoulders going loose with relief. “You’re awake.”

I settled with a non-committal sound of “Mmm.”

It was the best I could do right now. I felt like I just got off a rollercoaster. Lights were too bright; sound was painful, and my body felt like I had fallen asleep on a pile of rocks.

One thing about me is I was the epitome of a millennial. I had grown up reading and watching dystopian films, devouring anime and pretty much expecting the world to end at any moment. Years of isekai media had prepared me for what I’d do if ever accidentally traveled to another world. Panicking got you nowhere. That may as well be rule number one. There was no way I would cause a scene demanding for the prank to be over. Those scenes were always exhausting.

I instead adopted a half awake expression and groggily asked, “Where am I?”

The man grimaced. “Sorry, it was so sudden. I’m Alaric and well, I just saved your life. You’re welcome.”

Someone was cocky. Something about that jogged loose a thread of memory that was a part of my jumbled up thoughts.

“Saved my life?”

“Damn,” Alaric muttered, shaking his head. “That assassin knocked you on the head pretty good. I just got there in time. I know this is crazy, but it’s going to be okay. You have a destiny, Hal. I’m going to protect you until you fulfill it.”

The ra-ra speech was cheesy, but it finally unlocked my memory with a faint click.

[Syncing 100% complete. Re: Life role – Hal “Halcyon” Schuyler, crown prince to the Seelie Court of Faerie, heir to the Summer throne. Starting B-points: 100]

It took everything in me not to scream bloody murder. My hand inched toward the door handle. I had to physically stop myself from jumping out of the moving vehicle.

Fuck, fuck, fuck! Okay, this is sick. Something had hijacked my soul and stuck it into Robin Goodfellow’s novel Red Riding Hoodie. I was grinding my teeth so hard it was a miracle Alaric didn’t hear it. This is bullshit! I call shenanigans. How do I exit this nightmare?

[You have accessed the Re: Life System mental command function. The game has several features that are unlocked as the story progresses. One of these is points. If points fall to below 0 then the user is automatically returned to their origin.]

Wait a minute. My origin was the office where I choked to death. So returning would send me back to my dead body. Okay well that wasn’t happening. Nope. Screw that.

Simple enough. How many transmigration novels had I read over the years? Dozens. The same could be said about isekai anime. At least I was thrown into a story that I just finished. The plot was still fresh in my mind. The only obstacle was I had been made into Hal Schuyler, Chosen One, and murder victim.

And my murderer was sitting across from me.

Sure Hal ruthlessly bulled Alaric, which was an asshole move since he was his protector, and Hal basically sent him to hell, but did he deserve to have his heart ripped from his chest. Yes! Screamed a little voice in the back of my head. He was a villain disguised as a hero. He was jealous, petty, hard headed and idealistic. And I was now him. I wanted to cry.

Time to suck it up. I was almost the lead in my high school production of Grease. I could do this. All I had to do was channel my inner saint:

Avoid any and all plot holes.

Charm the Seelie Court and win the throne.

Don’t piss off Alaric.

Stay alive.

Not getting on Alaric’s bad side was my main priority. I was going to become that man’s best friend. I would be the Ben to his Jerry, John to his Sherlock, and whatever other famous male duo I could relate to.

[Warning. B point deduction imminent if the proposed plan is carried out. User is still locked in Tutorial Mode. Any attempt to unlock OOC setting will result in loss of points.]

I worked in literature. Of course, I knew that OOC stood for out of character. It was the action of a fictional character that exhibited behavior that was not in line with established actions or personality, basically an inconsistent mannerism that didn’t fit the original work.

So if I’m nice to Alaric I’ll lose B points… and zero points basically means I’m dead.

[Correct.]

Fuck you, System! My eye twitched.

Was the car slowing down, or was it my imagination? No, Alaric was turning into the lot of a park. There were only a few kids and parents in the playground area and a few pedestrians around the lawn.

Alaric turned to me once he parked. “This must seem very strange. We weren’t supposed to meet like this, but what’s most important is you get to safety.” He flicked his eyes toward the nearby forest. “I promise I’ll explain everything later. Right now, we need to get lost. It’s only a matter of time before the assassin picks up our trail.”

I nodded with a confused expression, still trying to maintain my appearance of shock. I must be doing pretty good because Alaric’s eyes softened, and he clapped my shoulder once. Internally however, I was doing cartwheels. I was about to be whisked away to a magical world!

Alaric saw I was shaking and said, “Don’t be afraid. I’ll protect you.”

I looked down so he wouldn’t see the way my lips were holding back a smile. I was shaking with glee.

I silently followed him out of the car and into the woods. He seemed to know where he was going. That werewolf nose of his was better than GPS. The running shoes I had on weren’t the best for hiking, but were leagues better than the loafers I was wearing before I kicked the bucket. I grimaced. That was a morbid thought.

“Follow my exact footsteps,” he said carefully. “This is important.”

The ways to Eternos, the parallel world of fairytale and myth, were hidden and could only be found by those who knew the way. I had to bite my tongue to not outright cackle. I felt like Harry Potter.

I was on him like white on rice. I was not going to fuck this up. I knew Alaric wasn’t kidding. Certain trees and markers acted as gateways allowing deeper entry into the forest that was inaccessible by any other route. It was half a mile before the trees broke.

Alaric wasn’t one for small talk, and the brisk hike had been made in record time. We entered a large clearing that was dominated by a pond in its center. If I didn’t know what to expect, I would be alarmed by the smile Alaric aimed at the still waters. He reminded me of a golden retriever. I could sort of see why version one Hal had thought Alaric had meant to bury his body here.

“I know you’re still in shock, but there’s no time to explain carefully,” Alaric began, eyeing me warily. “First thing you need to be aware of is that magic is real. And this pond is a portal to a whole new world. Your real home.”

In the original story, Alaric had saved Hal from an assassin sent from his Aunt Ophelia, Queen of the Unseelie Court. That rescue was their introduction. And their relationship didn’t get any better with Hal being a royal bitch all through the drive. Alaric had to tie Hal up and physically carry him through the woods.

Growing up in the foster system had put an enormous chip on Hal’s shoulder. He didn’t forget insults. Ever. Alaric never saw the betrayal coming.

I must have spent too long salivating at the pond, because magic, hello—Alaric was staring at me strangely. “No comment on the bombshell about magic?”

“What, no way,” I said flatly. “Magic is real.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You doubt me?”

“You want me to dive in first?” I asked, taking a step forward.

Alaric cocked his head. “You’re taking this oddly well. I expected you to bolt or call me insane.”

I shrugged and adopted a doubtful expression. “I imagine I’ll just get a bit wet and that will satisfy you enough before I beg off you’re little adventure. I’m supposed to meet a friend for drinks this evening, so.”

His expression cleared of the faint suspicion that had been clouding his face. Damn, I was good at this. I must be a natural actor. At least original recipe Hal and I had that incoming. This was going to be a cake walk. I was going to rock this second life like a sold out concert.

“Do you trust me?” Alaric asked. He reached out toward me. “Take my hand and you’ll learn the truth you’ve been missing your whole life.”

In another time, that hand had reached into Hal’s chest and ripped his heart out. I eyed it for a long time. But that wasn’t me. I was Hal now and I was going to make better choices. Alaric would never feel the knife of betrayal from me. I would make sure of it. My life was on the line, after all.

I grasped his hand. “On three?”

He gripped my hand tightly and nodded. “One.”

[OOC Violation: “Hal” would not trust Alaric or hold his hand.]

Wait. What?

“Two.”

[This double penalty has resulted in twice the number of B-point deductions: -80 points. 20 points remaining. Reminder at 0 points the user is returned to his origin.]

Wait! I demand a do over. This wasn’t fair.

[You were warned. OOC actions are frozen until the Tutorial Mode is cleared.]

Fuck you, System!

“Three.”

We suddenly were airborne and jumping into the clear blue water. Then everything turned blinding white.