Code of Silence - 1. Chapter 1

p style="text-align:center;">
 

I sat in my bathtub trying hard not to let the warm water and jasmine smelling bubbles lull me to sleep. After all, tonight was supposed to be “date night,” something Nick had implemented three months ago due to both of our busy schedules and him wanting us to spend more time together. With him being an FBI special agent and me just getting a job at a law firm there wasn’t exactly a whole lot of room for romance. Not that I really minded, I wasn’t the flowers and chocolates type of guy anyway. If being raised in Hyde Park taught you anything it was not to expect grand gestures from the male gender. Getting anything more than a grunt as a response to an “I love you” was a big deal. But Nicholas Gravely came from a nice neighborhood, with a nice family, a golden retriever and a white picket fence, so as much as I didn’t care, “date night” was now marked into my calendar for every Saturday.

I slowly raised myself out of the marble tub and wrapped my body in a fluffy white towel. I wandered into a kitchen expecting my boyfriend of two years to be waiting there but found it empty. I grabbed a handful of cashews from a glass bowl but before I popped them into my mouth, I remembered that I was supposed to eat a full meal in a few minutes, so I put them back in the bowl, thankful that Nick didn’t see me, as he was an enormous germaphobe. I grabbed my lotion and was on my way to Nick’s bedroom when I noticed the door to his study room cracked open. I slowly made my way down the corridor and peeked through the slight opening. As suspected Nick was there, with a large pinboard and a hundred scattered documents about. He was standing directly across from the board, staring at something intently. His body obstructed my view, so I tried to noiselessly move the door to the side. My efforts failed when it creaked, and Nick’s head snapped back.

“Sorry, I lost track of time. I’ll be down in a minute,” he said smiling at me.

“No problem, I’m still getting dressed,” I replied. As I was leaving, he walked over to his desk to shut down his laptop, leaving the picture pinned to the board uncovered. I stopped in my tracks as the blood drained from my face. On the board hung a grainy surveillance photo of four men, all of whom I knew. I forced myself to move before Nick realized something was off. I went into the bedroom and shut the door, then sat on the bed and tried to talk myself into some composure. It doesn’t matter, I kept telling myself, it’s not your business anymore. But somehow it felt like my business. I went to the closet and quickly pulled out a tight-fitting shirt. I needed to know.

Approaching Nick about his work was not easy. Most of the time he kept it separate from his private life, and didn’t discuss his cases with me, especially not on date night, which he declared as “work free time.” So, I had to be strategic in how I posed this question to him. I nodded and smiled as he continued talking about a mutual friend of ours getting married, but my insides felt heavy. I didn’t know why I was taking this so personally, after all it was in the past. But for some reason, I just had to know.

“So, anything exciting at work lately, you seem to be busier than usual,” I asked as casually as I could manage.

He gave me a “tsk tsk” look. “What happened to no work talk?” He asked smiling. I smiled back but inside my heart dropped, he wasn’t going to answer me. But then Nick took me by surprise when he continued, “I don’t want to break my own rule, but I do actually want to share this with you. I mean, I am so close to finishing this case. This will be my greatest achievement; I mean I should get a medal or something for busting these guys.”

I swallowed hard, hoping he didn’t notice my unease. Thankfully he was so wrapped up in his self-love that he kept going, “I mean this will be the biggest bust of the millennium. These assholes have been abusing the system for years now, and that’s how long we’ve been chasing their tails. But now we’re finally ahead of the game. I will put them away for life,” he said and stopped, realizing his speech was getting quite grim.

“Wow,” I replied taking a bite of my salad in order to look normal, “sounds exciting.”

“Yeah, I should get a raise after this. Maybe we can even get a house together,” he said looking at me carefully. This was the third time he brought up the subject of moving in together, and he knew I wasn’t thrilled about the idea. But Nick wasn’t the type of person to give up. He would trudge on and on to get his way, even if it meant stepping all over what somebody else wanted. I didn’t really mind most of the time, it was a good quality to have in his line of work. But it certainly annoyed me when he would continuously disregard my opinion when it came to our relationship.

The next day I put on my Red Sox hat for the first time in many years and got into my car. My mind kept trying to stop me, but for some reason my body wouldn’t listen. Rationally, I knew I was doing something really stupid. Not only was I going behind my boyfriend’s back, but I was also technically breaking the law. But the image of him stuck in prison for the rest of his life kept me going. I knew that I didn’t owe him a damn thing after all the shit he put me through, but it was a Hyde Park thing. Loyalty was something that ran in our blood. Trying to sever ties with my town was hard enough but trying to sever my loyalty for James Coleman was like trying to saw off my own arm.

I parked the car in front of the old triple-decker, still mentally talking myself out of the dumb idea. I slammed the steering wheel, “stupid, stupid boy.” But still, I got out and marched up to the front door. I knocked a few times but then remembered that nobody in that damn house answered polite door knocks. So, I turned the doorknob and took a step into my past.

“Hello?” I called out, “Anyone here?” It was quiet for a minute and then I heard soft steps coming down the stairs. I rolled my eyes when I saw Lainey’s legs.

“Damn, you really jus gonna walk in hea like you own the damn place?” She asked in her heavy Boston accent and slurring her words, definitely high out of her mind. Yup, everything was just as I left it, I thought to myself.

“Is James here, I have to talk to him, it’s important,” I stressed the last word. Lainey frowned at me.

“What, you too good to talk to me now?” She asked. I sighed.

“Of course not, how are you Laines?”

“Fucking wicked, and ya? Heard youse a big shot lawya now.”

“Not really, I just finally got a job, up until now I was doing a lot of bitch work.”

“Oh yeah? Good to hear. You wanna see Jessica? She misses you, not that you give a shit.”

“I send gifts every month,” I replied annoyed.

“Yeah, you too good to come babysit once in a while?”

“Lainey, I don’t have time to fuckin baby sit, that’s why I didn’t have a kid.”

“Yeah, we all know you don’t have time for us anymore, didn’t even bother to visit my brother in prison,” she replied, stabbing me in the heart. That was another thing about this town, the more you tried to forget something, the more people would remind you of it.

“I’ll come back and see Jess, but right now I need to talk to your brother, it’s..” but before I could finish my sentence Lainey interrupted me.

“Important, I ain’t deaf, I heard ya the first time.” I sighed.

“Are you going to tell me where he is?”

“Well he ain’t here, so where the fuck do you think he’s at?” She replied matter-of-factly and went back upstairs.

I dejectedly walked out of the house and got back into my car.

I was hit with the smell of cigarettes and sweat when I entered the bar, which was bursting with people. Being here was like getting back onto a bicycle after years of not riding. I knew my way around better than I knew the inside of my pocket, but it did feel a little strange. I nodded at the bartender and after his surprise expression wore off he nodded back. I chose not to go and small talk since I was here with a purpose and I wanted to leave as quickly as possible. I went downstairs and my heart jumped into my throat when I saw him. I was a 30-year-old man, yet the sight of him made me feel like a love-struck teenager. I looked at him for a while, sitting there surrounded by drunks and assholes, smoking a cigarette and sipping on his beer, and then he noticed me, and I froze. The look of fury on his face was quickly replaced with an impassive mask. He turned back to his friends and decided to ignore me. The fucker would not make this easy. I mentally asked myself once again why I was doing this. It’s not like I owed him anything. But something kept me going. I approached the table and elicited a few shocked looks from the old-timers who remembered me. I ignored them and focused my attention on James.

“I gotta talk to you,” I stated simply. He took a long sip of his beer, still not acknowledging me. I stood awkwardly trying to figure out what else I could say without sounding stupid, thankfully a hand on my shoulder saved me.

“Ollie?” It was our old mutual friend.

“Hey Caleb,” I replied relieved, while James looked annoyed that somebody foiled his plan of ignoring me with silence.

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to talk to this asshole,” I said motioning to James, “But he’s ignoring me like a pouting three-year-old.” Caleb grinned.

“Being rude? Naaah, doesn’t sound anything like James,” he replied sarcastically.

“Shut the fuck up,” James butted in, annoyed. Me and Caleb just laughed. Finally, he got up and walked toward the bathroom, expecting me to of course follow him like a puppy.

“Well, it was good seeing you Caleb,” I said.

“Likewise, drop by sometime will ya?”

“Okay,” I replied sadly, knowing that I probably wouldn’t. I had no reason to come back to this place. I turned around and walked toward a pissed off looking James.

“The fuck do you want?” he asked as I approached, still not looking at me. I rolled my eyes, I wasn’t used to his rudeness anymore.

“Listen, whatever you’ve got in store, drop it,” I said trying not to be too obvious. That got his attention. He stared me down.

“What are ya talkin about?”

“Whatever you’ve got going on, you should stop. Seriously.” He regarded me carefully.

“The fuck do you care what I’m doin?”

“I don’t, I just...thought you’d like to know. Whatever it is you’re doing, they know,” I said as carefully as I could.

“They? What, your little boyfriend knows? You think I give a fuck?” I stared at him in disbelief.

“If my boyfriend knows, then the whole FBI knows, idiot,” I replied.

“What do they know?”

“I don’t know how much else I can say without incriminating myself.”

“Oh, so ya doin’ me a big favah now?” James asked, the question dripping with his usual sarcasm. The man never could accept any help.

“That’s not what I said. I just meant that I went out on a limb for you, I expect a little appreciation. I shouldn’t even be here.”

“Then why are you? Don’t do me any more favahs alright? I can take care of my own shit,” he replied. I inwardly groaned with frustration. What did I do in the past life to deserve this? And why, for the love of God, did I get myself in this situation again in the first place? What the hell was wrong with me?

“Yeah, that’s why you spent six years in prison, cause you know how to take care of your own shit,” I replied annoyed. This pissed him off. I could always tell, because he would clench his jaw.

“I spent six years in prison because unlike you, I’m loyal to my friends.”

“Oh, and I’m not?” I asked getting pissed off.

“Loyal? You wouldn’t know what that was if it smacked ya in the face, so why don’t ya run back to your big shot FBI agent and fuck off?” He said and started walking away. I grabbed his arm, and the touch of his skin sent shivers down my spine. Damn, even after all this time.

“James, I’m serious. Please lay low for now. There are surveillance pictures of you in his apartment. You guys have a giant target on your back right now, don’t you understand?” I pleaded with him, forgetting all about incriminating myself. I no longer cared.

I saw a look of surprise quickly flash in his eyes. He grabbed my arm and pushed me into the bathroom so quickly that I yelped in surprise. He closed the door behind us and pushed me up against the wall. Suddenly, I felt both fear and excitement run through my body. His face just a few inches away from mine, unshaven and smelling of booze and cigarettes, a scent only James could pull off. He put his hand over my mouth, holding me tight in place and blocking my body with his, and ran the other hand down my thigh.

“Your boyfriend know you like this?” I tried to struggle, but since James worked out like a maniac, I didn’t get very far. He spread my legs apart with his knee and ran his hand higher, skimming the top of my underwear. His hold loosened a little and I managed to push the hand that was on my mouth away.

“Fuck you.”

“What, he doesn’t know you into rough play?” He asked, smirking.

“Fuck you, get your hands off me,” I spat out.

“Make me,” he said. A knock on the door startled him for a second and I took the opportunity to knee his balls as hard as I could. He reeled back groaning in pain.

“Fuck,” he cussed. I adjusted my underwear.

“I came to fucking warn you, so now you know, and I have no reason to ever come back. If you end up in prison again, that’s on you.”

“Since when do you care where I end up, huh?” He asked angry.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know fucking well what it means.”

“You are so full of it,” I replied furious. “You know why I didn’t come and visit you? Because you told me you never wanted to see me again!” James’ electric blue eyes took on a new level of fury when I finished my sentence. He raised his fist and for a second I thought he was about to hit me. But his hand crashed with the wall right next to my head.

“Don’t you eva talk to me about that again,” he said, “you have no fuckin’ right.” He turned around and walked out of the bathroom, leaving me in stunned silence.