Come Back To Us - 23. Chapter 23

He had managed to spend two whole weeks without talking to Jørgen.

Of course, the latter had tried several times to talk to him, but very time they would meet, he’d find a way to run away and avoid confrontation. Thank whoever he didn’t insist too much. Or rather thank the Lieutenant General for helping him by lending him his room and having a word with him.

He hadn’t had any news from Edgar since the last time they had met, neither had he seen Arthur.
It still felt weird not to have him by his side anymore, sharing everything they could, confiding in when they needed it.

His friendship was precious to him. But he was aware it had been ruined the moment their lips had met. Things could never go back to the way they were before. There would always be this feeling of awkwardness between them, a tension that could never be soothed.

Today he had another flying lesson planned with Paul’s friend. He made his way to the warehouse glancing at every side every ten seconds or so. As usual, the man didn’t greet him when they came face to face. He always had that grave and expressionless look plastered on his face as if a mask had been glued on it.

“Let’s get started,” he simply said, his voice monotonous, and so they did.

He knew all the commands of a Hurricane but that time and how to make it rise. He had managed to “tame it” as Jørgen would say.

But what was important was what he was doing right now, not what had been said in the past. The was was a much bigger stake. So he had to always remain focused on his target.

He stifled a yawn which had been trying to come out of his mouth so many times already. He was feeling so tired. After so many nights during which he couldn’t get to sleep. It was always the same thing. So many things on his mind kept him wake at night…but not only that…he always feared a bomb might have landed on the building and exploded killing them all, or most of them. And they couldn’t do anything about about it if it came to happen. He bet the Nazis had just stopped bombing the city on purpose.

He stifled another yawn. He was feeling heavy, and could be ready to fall like a stone into the ocean, a stone that could remain stuck at the bottom of it if no one came to look for it to bring it back to the surface.

His body was slowly and subtly leaning forwards on its own as he was struggling more and more to keep his eyes open. His vision was getting blurry and he was shivering as well. He had to remain focused. He had a plane between his hands. But the overwhelming depths of unconsciousness were being stronger. They were beyond his control. Just like his attraction to George.

He closed his eyes for a few seconds only but it was enough for the plane to tumble.

“Watch out!”

It was the first time he’d been hearing such emotion in the man’s voice, although he was barely aware of it.

“What the heck?! Wake up! We are going to crash down!”

He was in no condition to do what needed to be done.

“For God’s sake! Shift yourself!” He heard a grunt. “If you want something done, do it yourself.”

He felt hands take the wheel and then happened a sudden jolt. His eyes closed again against his will. Then another jolt but his body moved towards his right this time. He lost the notion of time and bearings. His head was aching and so were his eyes. They were just asking for some rest. was it too much to ask for? Apparently it was.

“You’d better be awake when you are summoned in the Marshal of the air force’s office. I won’t spare you when it happens. You will regret your coming here. Paul won’t be able to cover you.”

He was in no condition to reply either.
They managed to land safely on the ground thanks to Arthur’s intervention, but what came next wasn’t really appealing…. Once he was face to face with Paul’s friend and the big boss, he could only hope for the Lieutenant General’s intervention to avoid him big trouble.

Charles Portal. Marshall of the royal Air Force. He had only heard about him, and would have preferred to meet him in different circumstances….

“Carl Jorgen Nielsen. You know why you are here today.”

He couldn’t find his voice to speak. He was paralysed. He bit the inside of his lower lipas he tried to avoid their gazes; but they were like guns aiming at him, and he couldn’t escape.

“Soldier. You are expected to give an answer when spoken to,” he sounded stern as he spoke, and Karl felt it would be worse if he didn’t speak.

Discipline was key here.

“Yes, Sir. I know why I am here today.” A pause. “And I am sorry for what I did, I-”

“We are not asking you to be sorry. Sorry’s are not welcome when such mistakes make casualties. Thank the heavens such was not the case yesterday. Still, yours is not welcome in this context,’ Arthur interfered.

He spoke well but it didn’t sound natural at all.

He needed to try to stand up for himself at least.

“It wasn’t my fault!”

“You are only allowed to speak when spoken to.”

“For you think it was mine?”

“No…I…”

He couldn’t find what to say…

“You what?” Arthur’s voice was harsh.

He hadn’t meant to fall asleep…But it would probably be worse if he tried to stand his ground…

The door burst open suddenly, making Karl turn around to see who was coming in. He could only be relieved when he saw the Lieutenant General moving forward. He wasn’t looking very happy…

“What is the meaning of this?”

He just loved how he spoke English. He sounded like a real Englishman. It sounded almost as nice as Mr. Hopkins’s way of speaking.

“Lieutenant General Østergaard. This is not forbidden to knock on the door before coming in,” the Marshal spoke calmly.

“Keep your sarcasms for another time, Marshal,” he bit back and Karl’s mouth became agape.

“Watch your mouth. I will not let a mere Lieutenant General talk to me this way.”

“And I will not let you expel one of my men.”

“Sir…” Karl spoke in Danish. “Drop it.”

He realised he didn’t want him to get into trouble too just because of his carelessness.

“First, call me Kristian,” he replied in Danish as well. “And two, don’t worry about me,” he still sounded angry as he spoke, and Karl flinched.

“I have not made my decision yet. But if you keep using this tone with me, I shall make this quicker than planned.”

“You just can’t do that.”

Both men stared at each other intently.

“Well, state your case, Lieutenant.”

“Well, I don’t know what has motivated such a wish, but-”

“He fell asleep while flying a plane,” Paul’s friend cut him off.

A moment of silence followed his words. He knew it. His case was indefensible.

“And you think that’s reason enough to fire him?”

“He could have killed us both.”

Karl looked down. His hands were sweaty and and that overwhelming feeling in his stomach was too much for him to take.

“Do not blame it on him. Blame it on the constant lack of food, the fear of dying or losing your loved ones, al this violence and madness.”

“Lieutenant, a war is a war,” the Air Marshal interfered. “No one likes it and it is highly demanding; the worst mistress you will ever find. But this is our only way to bring peace back. We all have to be ready to fight in any circumstances and in the worst conditions.”

“We are human beings. Not machines.”

“We are men. And if we must die, it will be by the hand of our enemies, not by the hand of slumber,” the Marshal retorted.

Silence fell on the room afterwards, and it lasted for a long while. It seemed that the Marshal had just beaten the Lieutenant to the game of whom would have the last word….

The Lieutenant was a very clever man, but all the cleverness in the world couldn’t find good arguments to excuse such a level of idiocy.

“If you do that, you will lose the Danish folks’ support in this war.”

The silence went on for another while as tension slowly kept rising and Karl swallowed nervously.

“Do you think we are going to give in to your blackmail?” Arthur spoke, breaking it.

“Do not think so recklessly, Lieutenant. Your people and yourself have got a greater interest than we do at stake. We, English people were kind enough to offer you hospitality on our land while the rest of your people left on yours are living under the yoke of tyrants. So you owe us your unalterable support and loyalty.”

“Not if you expel one of us for a dumb mistake. It’s either all of us or none of us.”

The silence came back. Could it mean anything good? He doubted it.

His jaw was clenched, so much so that it was hurting, but he couldn’t care less. He couldn’t fail now. What was the point in being spared if he wasn’t even worthy fighting for what he thought was right?

“Lieutenant, let us not be carried away by anger. I am sure we can reach an agreement.”

Karl looked at the Danish man. He had the face of a man deep in thought who wouldn’t trust anyone so easily.

“What do you suggest?”

Both men observed each other with thorough eyes.

“Do not look so wary, Lieutenant. We are not your enemies. We only want to make sure something like that will not happen again.”

It was strange because now there was something more to the marshal than this proud and stern demeanour. A kind of goodwill that could make him likable. One should never judge people too quickly.

“I will make sure it won’t. I will serve as a guarantee for him.”

“But what if it still happens?”

“Well, if it does I will allow you to expel both of us.”

“I am taking you at your word. So do not say this to spare the boy expulsion now only to betray your word later if that happens again.”

“I am a man honor. I always keep true to my word. Deception is not in my nature.”

He and the Marshal exchanged another long look as if they were silently going on with this conversation.

“Very well, then. He can stay. But have a watchful eye. The case is now closed. You both may leave.”

Karl released a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. His jaw unclenched and the tension in his body eased. He owed the man a great deal. His eyes shifted from the Marshal to Arthur. He was surprised he hadn’t intervened more than that. He was looking oddly imperturbable but must have been seeping inside. His cold blue eyes met his and he started slightly before hastily looking away.

“Thank you Sir,” The Lieutenant politely said before he continued in Danish. “Come on, Karl.”

They exited the room in silence, the older man closing the door behind him. They just remained standing there, saying nothing, most likely wondering who would break the silence first.

Karl was still. Aware he had fucked up.

“I was lucky you were here to stand up for me.” He paused as he glanced down. “I don’t think I deserve it though.”

Silence followed his words, and so he was expecting to get scolded for his carelessness, which would only be normal.

The man let out a deep sigh.

“I had told you that the lack of sleep isn’t a good thing, hadn’t I?”

“It’s not my fault! I can’t sleep at night. I can’t do anything about it…”

He couldn’t help retorting that. It was only the truth. He doubted he had a miracle solution that would enable him to have a good night sleep….

He didn’t think there could ever be anything that could help him fall into a deep and resting slumber, not until all this mess would be over… His gaze remained focused on the nearest wall beside them as he was deep in thought, making him look like he wasn’t alive anymore.

Or maybe…there could be one thing… But that was something he had lost months ago already.
He could only reminisce and regret those moments with closed eyes during those long sleepless nights so the fear wouldn’t seize him.

He heard the man sigh again.

“I guess there is nothing I can do to prevent that…” A moment passed before he spoke again. “But as the Marshal said it, we are men; and men must endure, always. They must stay strong for what or whom they consider dear to their hearts.”

But he didn’t have enough strength to stay strong all the time. He was hardly nineteen…. He questioned whether he could even be considered as a man yet.

“But I’m not a man. I’m just a boy.” He paused for a little while. “A farm boy who still can’t understand how he found himself stuck into this mess.”

A long moment of silence passed before the man spoke again.

“Always remember why you are here. This will always be your greatest motivation.”

Karl started as he heard someone clear their throat. They both turned their heads to see who was there. Karl’s heart started beating faster.

“Jørgen…”

He didn’t feel he was ready yet. But would there ever be a right time for him to be ready for that? He wasn’t sure.

“Can we talk to each other like two normal people or are you gonna run away once again?”

Karl avoided his gaze as he remained frozen in his spot, with a a tight knot in his throat that made it harder for him to swallow.

“Be valiant. We don’t get to choose to do what we like in life. If you sort this thing out, your mind will be a little less wrecked,” the man whispered in his ear. “But you should move away first. You wouldn’t like your conversation to be overheard by ears that cannot be trusted. This would be unwelcome.”

Karl sighed through his nose. He guessed he didn’t have much of a choice….If he tried to run away, the older man would probably hold him back in place so he could act like a man would.

More moments of silence passed.

“Alright…”

He glanced up at the man who gave him a tiny sympathetic smile. He reminded him of his father in some ways. Was this normal?

“I will see you later.”

With these words spoken, he started walking away silently and once he was far enough, Karl started moving forward the other way round. Ears were everywhere there. So he went to the only place where they could get a semblance of privacy. Outside, far from everything.

The next few moments after he was gone were quite awkward as neither of them spoke.

“Are we going to keep avoiding each other forever?”

Karl didn’t speak. He didn’t know what to say. He had to think for a while to come up with an answer which he deemed suitable.

“If this hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have had to find all the ways possible to keep avoiding you.”

No, in fact this was a lame answer, but he couldn’t find anything better. So this would have to do. This was only suitable to reproach Jørgen with all the wrongs for this.

Jørgen looked like he was truly embarrassed all of a sudden. And soon Karl was the one to find his voice and courage back.

“Tell me it was a mistake.”

But he sounded almost desperate as he spoke. He needed to be sure. He needed to hear it from Jørgen’s mouth, that he would have never done that hadn’t they been both drunk. He might have been more drunk than he had.

Jørgen looked like he was totally lost, distressed.

“I…I don’t know…” came his answer after a while. And Karl expected anything but that.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” He bit back.

But there was no answer to his question. Jørgen seemed to be struggling to find what to say.

“What about your girlfriend? I thought you wanted to marry her and have children with her. You love her, right?” He sounded more panicked now as his voice was raising.

The longer the silence went on, the more anxious he became.

“Jørgen!”

“I don’t know! Okay? I’m feeling things I’ve never felt before. And I don’t know how I should feel about it…” he paused. “Things that no one can understand. Not even myself.”

Karl calmed down momentarily as he stared at him intently. He looked like he could break down any time. Karl bit the inside of his cheek.

“I know this isn’t right regarding my girlfriend, but…I…I just couldn’t control it. I wasn’t quite myself anymore with the alcohol overwhelming my senses.”

Both of them remained silent for a long while, avoiding each other’s gaze as they did but seemingly too confused to just run away. At least Karl was.

Jørgen suddenly got closer to him. He leant forward and tried to kiss him, but Karl pulled back and looked away.

Karl’s body tensed. This was going much worse than what he had imagined. He couldn’t be serious, right?

“I’m sorry…But I don’t feel this way for you.”

As Mímir had once said in one of his other numerous visions, about one week go or so, to a girl which he guessed he was betrothed to in the first place. “My heart’s only true desire lay somewhere else.”

It seemed that it was the last thing Jørgen wanted to hear, and a feeling of guilt built up in his stomach. The long silence was awkward again.

“At least, there will be no ambiguity on your side.”

He was lost, and he could understand that, but as time would pass he would probably come to realise that they were never meant to be as anything other than friends.

“I’m sorry… I guess we need more time without seeing each other…”

Their gazes met for a few seconds only.

“Don’t worry. You won’t have to keep finding ways to avoid me anymore. I’m gonna be transferred to another station.”

Karl hadn’t seen that one coming. Was it because he had talked to Edgar? Of course, it was. What else could have it been for otherwise? Unless he had asked himself to leave…

“Where?”

Jørgen wasn’t looking at him anymore. He didn’t look like he wanted to answer.

“I’ll be staying in Tangmere.”

“Tang…what?”

“In West Sussex. I’ll be flying Spitfires there.”

Karl only nodded because he found no words would be appropriate for the situation.

Was that how they were meant to part ways? In a cold and awkward atmosphere, with grave and grimacing faces? So soon? They had only known each other for a few months….

“I should go to finish packing my stuff, even if it isn’t much. I’ll be leaving tomorrow at dawn.” He paused before he proceeded. “It was nice to meet you at least.”

Karl looked at the landscape around them. The sun was already starting to set.

Jørgen left shortly afterwards without looking back at him, and Karl felt his heart clench in pain.

What was he going to do now without his best friend?