Coming Out - 5. Re-Pete

Dried off and swathed in lush white robes, we sat in bamboo chairs on David’s balcony and sipped fresh glasses of the heady golden wine. A warm breeze ruffled our hair as the evening stars twinkled overhead. A candle on the small table between us filled the air with the scent of jasmine and patchouli. The post-coital heart-to-heart with David had revealed so much to me about him—and myself. The afterglow of the raging hot sex still heated my body and clouded my mind.

I can’t fucking think straight. I’ll have to process all this later.

We relaxed and enjoyed a comfortable silence until David leaned over smiling and kissed me. “Welcome to the neighborhood, Sailor!”

Out of instinct, I smiled back, but my head flooded with doubts.

What the fuck am I doing? First, I get over Craig by having sex with Pete, and then I cheat on him with David. Have I turned into a total slut?

I gazed up at the stars as if they held the answer, but I found none.

Or am I now discovering my true sexual appetite? Am I the kind of man who wants it all the time, with as many hot guys as I can find?

Without a word, I turned to admire the magnificent man seated next to me. He took everything I had to offer and filled it with more than I had ever experienced before.

What is it about this remarkable man that made it easy for me to transfer my attachment to him? Is this the real thing—does “the real thing” even exist?

After David and I finished the bottle of Chardonnay, I started to dress.

“I was hoping you’d still be in my bed in the morning.” His voice stated a fact, not a request.

“Nothing would make me happier, but I should spend at least the first couple of nights in the new apartment I’ve always wanted and my parents are paying for.”

Besides, I have a feeling my Mom will call to check on me. It’s only been two days since Carl decked me and I spent the night in the hospital—and met the detective with the nice ass.

I grinned and winked at him. “Of course, if you want to see me in bed in the morning, you can always sleep at my place.”

David smiled, shaking his head. “Thanks, Bruce, but I prefer my own bed. All my visitors like things that way, and I can assure you—morning sex will be entirely different but every bit as satisfying as what we just did.”

All my visitors? What the fuck? How many men has he had in his big-assed rotating bed, and am I nothing but his latest fucking conquest? Does this “relationship” have a future—or am I kidding myself?

I tried to hide my feelings. “Don’t get me wrong, David. That was the most amazing sex I ever had, and I loved every moment. But I think sex is like eating candy. The first bites are delicious, but the flavor soon fades, and you lose your taste for it after a while. I want to hold on to the delight for as long as possible.”

“Bruce, you never cease to surprise me. You’re what? 21 or so?”

I didn’t reply, doing my best to fake an aura of maturity.

“But you have a wisdom beyond your years. You’re right. Sex can be like fine wine. You want to savor it occasionally, but if you were crude enough to drink it all day, you would soon think nothing of it.”

I leaned over to kiss him. “Well, David,” I winked, “we’ll always have Paris!”

We both laughed heartily, got to our feet, kissed passionately, and went in search of my clothes.

********

As I walked into my apartment, the phone rang. I checked my watch. It was only 9:15. Rushing over, I picked up the receiver. Before I could get a word out, Mom began speaking excitedly.

“Bruce? Oh, thank God! I've already called twice before. We thought you might have been taken back to the hospital, or heaven forbid something worse!”

“Please, Mom, it’s only a quarter after nine. I was just out by the pool.”

“Bruce, dear, Denver is an hour ahead of California time."

“Aw, shit! I forgot about the time difference.”

My mother took in a sharp breath. “Language, young man, language.”

“Sorry, Mom. It kind of slipped out. I’ve been through a lot lately.”

“Well, I guess you’re excused.” She paused for a moment. “Are you all right? Are you following your doctor’s orders?”

I sure as shit am—if lying flat on my back with my ass in the air as David’s massive cock plunges deeper and deeper inside me is what the doctor ordered!

Suppressing the horny memory, I answered, “Yes, Mom, I’m taking care of my neck, and the face wounds are healing.”

My father’s voice boomed in. He must be listening on an extension. “When are you going back to class? You can’t afford to miss too many days.”

“I have an appointment with two professors on Monday to iron out what I need to do to catch up. They’re all being unusually accommodating.”

“Not surprising because I read the Provost the riot act for allowing a drug dealer to live in the freshman dorm. I doubt they’ll give you a hard time, and if you encounter any resistance, say the word, and I’ll straighten things out.”

Shit, how fucking perfect. If my teachers are mean to me, my Daddy will ream them new assholes.

I restrained myself from making some smart-ass remark. “Thanks, Dad. I’m sure that won’t be necessary.”

My parents and I chatted a while, but I was eager to strip off and sleep naked. I had tried sleeping bare-assed in the dorm, but Carl had walked in drunk or high a couple of times and accused me of jacking off in bed. To tell the truth, that is exactly what I was usually doing.

Now that I live alone, I can do any damn thing I want to, with whoever I want, and nobody can say jack shit about it!

********

I hung out in the apartment complex for a few more days. I guess it was vanity—I didn’t want people to see me all battered and have to relive what happened over and over. Of course, David already knew what I looked like—everywhere—so I spent every night in his bed. True to his promise, he used more of his “techniques” each time, and I struggled to catch my breath, overwhelmed by the awesome variety of ways to have man-sex. And he was right—morning sex was totally different but well worth waiting for.

Shit! I can’t fucking believe I’m falling in love with this dude, and I’m still not sure whether he’s only having fun with me or feels the same as I do. I’m not gonna ruin things by asking him, either!

I returned to class on Thursday, and the first person I ran into was Pete. He hugged me hard and babbled, “Bruce! I was so worried about you. Everybody says Carl beat you up because he caught you with some gay guy—although they don’t know it was me.”

“Well, they’re fucking wrong,” I lied. “The motherfucker was high on cocaine. He beat me up because he fuckin felt like it. The son of a bitch was always mean to me and jealous of my family and money.”

“And your Dad let you move out of the dorm.” His hopeful expression reminded me I had promised him he could visit me if I ever got an apartment of my own.

“I did, and as soon as I’m settled in, you’re invited over for dinner.” He flashed an eager smile as we parted and headed for our classrooms.

Shit. How the fuck am I gonna let him down without hurting him?

I watched him walk away and turn the corner.

I’m the first man Pete ever had sex with, but after David, I doubt I’ll be able to enjoy “inexperienced lover sex” again. I need a real man every night. If they’re bigger, stronger, more romantic, and more take-charge, so much the better. My ass yearns to be used and abused!

********

After two full days of classes, I had so many assignments to make up that I thought my head was going to explode. I headed to Lathrop Library to catch up on some required reading. I found a carrel and picked up the first book I was behind in. The place was as quiet as...well...a goddamn library! My eyes began to burn after four hours of non-stop study. Putting the text down, I leaned back and closed my eyes. David’s massive cock immediately appeared in my imagination, and I started to get hard just thinking about him.

Shit! I need a fucking break...and something more.

I got up and headed downstairs to the Men’s Room in the basement. I entered the dimly lit room and surveyed the three stalls. I was delighted to see the center one was vacant, so I casually walked over to it. Entering, I latched the door, stood, and stretched. Glances to my left and right revealed eyes peeking through the two glory holes in the stall walls. I had gotten lucky finding the middle one empty, which meant I had two opportunities for sex!

To tantalize the two dudes watching me, I unbuckled my belt and lowered my pants. Knowing the two voyeurs could only see me from my waist down, I turned my back to them and inched my briefs down to my feet. I rotated slowly, making sure they both got a full view of my cock and balls, as well as my ass. I stood for a minute or two, stroking myself to hardness. Sitting back on the toilet, I allowed my hard-on to stick straight up. In a situation like this, it was anybody’s guess whose dick would appear through the glory hole first.

Tonight, I was faced with an embarrassment of riches, so to speak, because two hard dicks showed themselves through the holes. The one on the right was bigger, so I intentionally disrespected it and leaned over to my left, taking the waiting erection into my mouth. As a consolation prize for the dude I rejected, I reached to my right and began stroking him.

I can pleasure two men simultaneously, as long as both are patient and willing to share my expert attention.

After blowing the first guy until he was achingly hard, I replaced my lips with my hand and turned to the opposite side. The guy’s cock had softened a bit, but it responded right away when my lips closed around it. Soon, the son of a bitch was fucking my face hard and breathing roughly. I was afraid he would shoot his load before I wanted him to, so I switched back to the hand job and returned to blowing the first dude. Suddenly, I had a stroke of genius.

Two guys want to get off. Two hard cocks are at my disposal, one on the right and the other on the left.

With a wicked grin, I continued sucking the cock on my left. The stall was small enough to pull off the maneuver I had in mind. I reached into my backpack and retrieved the necessary products. Grasping the cock on my right, I slipped a rubber on it. After lubing the throbbing shaft and my asshole, I guided it inside. As what I was doing dawned on the dude, he pressed his dick as far into me as the glory hole would allow and began humping me for all he was worth.

As he fucked me, I intensified my tongue action on the cock on the left. The restroom filled with the sounds of heavy breathing and occasional moans from my two anonymous lovers. The one fucking me was plowing my ass so hard that the thin wooden wall of the stall started creaking. I was afraid he would bust right through the partition, instead of busting a nut. The guy whose cock was deep in my mouth had reached up and grasped the top of the stall on his side. He was doing pull-ups, using the extra height to jam his rod down my throat deeper and deeper.

The butt-fucker in my ass came first and filled the condom with his hot sperm. With a loud “Fuuuck!” he backed out of me, flushed the rubber, pulled up his pants, and retreated in a hurry.

The one fucking my face was taking longer, and my jaw was starting to hurt. Needing a break, I leaned back and inquired through the hole, “You gettin’ close?”

Silence. The cock was withdrawn.

Damn! I turned him off.

A timid voice came from the other side of the wall. “Bruce?” My blood ran cold.

Anonymous sex is supposed to be fucking anonymous, for shit’s sake!

“Bruce?” the voice repeated, sounding familiar.

Oh, shit, not somebody from one of my classes.

“Bruce? Is that you? It’s Pete.”

What the fuck? What’s he doing here?

“Pete?”

“Yeah. I...uh—“

“You don’t have to say.” I pulled up my pants, went out the door, and stood in front of his stall. “You can come out, Pete. Nobody else is in here.”

After a long silence, I heard him getting his clothes in order. The latch moved and the door opened a crack. One eye peeked out.

“Come on, Pete. I swear it’s fucking OK.”

The door swung open, and Pete stood there like a deer caught in the headlights. His face could not have been any redder, and his body visibly quaked with fear.

“Come here.” I pulled him into my arms. The shaking worsened, and he started to sob.

“Pete. Petey. Hey, man, cool it. We’re the only ones in here.”

“You’re here.” Now I understood the reason for his emotional response.

“Yeah, well I come here...a lot, so it’s no big deal.”

He peered up into my eyes, tears running down his face. “When I saw it was you, I couldn’t help myself—I wanted to do it with you again. I should have left because you didn’t know it was me on the other side.”

“If I had known, it would have made it more fun.”

I took his face in both hands and pulled his mouth to mine. Our lips met, but he wouldn’t open his. I ran my tongue all around it and began kissing his face.

Wiping his eyes and face, he was able to speak. “I’m so fucking sorry, Bruce. I just...I...shit, I–I don’t know what!”

“Well, I do, buddy. You had a hard-on and needed somebody to take care of it for you. It’s the most natural thing in the world, and I’m the guy to do it, as I think you are well aware.”

I pulled him into a hug and he relaxed in my arms. I gave him a couple of minutes to compose himself, then stepped back. “Hey, I said I’d invite you over to my apartment. You free now?”

He nodded. I guess he was still too embarrassed for words. Without saying any more, I draped an arm across his shoulders and guided him out of the restroom. We stopped at my carrel long enough to pick up my books and then strolled through the warm evening air the short distance to my new home. I kept my arm around my young friend most of the time, and he put his around my waist the last couple of blocks.

Entering the apartment, Pete was awe-struck, “Wow, Bruce! This is amazing! How the hell can you afford this place?”

Enraged at the unspoken implication, I whirled on him. “Well, NOT BY SELLING FUCKING DRUGS, if that’s what you and everyone else are thinking. My parents are footing the bill to keep me out of that shithole of a freshman dorm.”

Intimidated by my outburst, he replied meekly, “I–I didn’t mean that at all, Bruce. And I don’t think anybody believes you were involved in the drug shit with Carl. I shouldn’t have said what I said. Your place is so...perfect.”

Goddammit, what the fuck’s the matter with me? He’s still as innocent as a kitten.

“Sorry. I guess I’m a little over-sensitive about the whole fuckin thing.” I hugged him, lifted his chin with one thumb, and kissed his mouth. This time, he let me press my tongue between his warm lips.

His resistance melted away as he fell into my arms. I sucked on his tongue, nibbled his upper lip, and pulled him tight against my body. His hard-on pressed on me through his pants, but I wasn’t ready to do anything about it yet. Guiding him to the couch, I suggested, “I think we both need a drink. What’s your poison?”

“Uh...I don’t drink much. I guess a beer.”

I gave him a wink and a friendly smile and returned with a green bottle of Heineken for Pete and a glass of Sonoma Coast Chardonnay for me. The day after I met David, I started buying high-end whites and reds to remind myself of my time with him.

I made a point to sit in the chair opposite him rather than beside him on the couch. After another winning smile, I began, “So, Pete, what the fuck were you doing down in that shithouse?”

He blushed again and hung his head. “I–I knew you thought going to the theater was a bad idea.”

“You got that right!”

“So I heard the Men’s Room in the library basement was where you could get a blowjob, and I’ve been going when I wanted one.” He bowed his head, embarrassed. “And I...like giving them, too.”

I’d better think before I speak. Getting the message across to him is important, and I don’t want to fuck this up.

“Well, there’s nothing wrong with wanting a blowjob when you need one—or giving one down in the library if you feel like it. But, Pete, that fuckin place is for losers.”

His head shot up, and he glared at me accusingly. “You were there.”

“Well...right on. But the place is convenient and beats the shit outta the goddamn theater you took me to. But it’s just once in a while, when you need to bust a nut and don’t wanna jack off.”

“So, why were you there tonight, and why did you let the other guy fuck you?”

He knows more than I thought.

“Pete, I need sex almost all the time lately—I think I’m turning into a goddamn whore.” He chuckled but was clearly shocked by my admission. I tried to justify myself to him. “Fuck yeah, I go down there to get my rocks off, and give some other dude the opportunity to do it, too. But much more often, I have face-to-face encounters in decent places with men who share the same needs and desires as me.”

“Am I one of them?”

“Let me try to explain, Pete—”

Carefully. Don’t fucking hurt him!

“You’re a damn good-looking guy, and two weeks ago I would have said you were perfect for me. You’re young, cute, and willing to let me do anything I want. I think I viewed myself as a mentor, introducing you to the pleasures of sex with a man.”

He grinned with enthusiasm. “And you did!” His face fell, “So what happened? What changed?”

“Well, I got my fucking face bashed in, my neck nearly broken, and my ex-roommate has a hit out on me.”

I hope the last part is a lie, but I added it for dramatic effect.

Pete nodded with sympathy. “I’m so sorry about all that, Bruce. I had no way to find you after the ambulance took you to the hospital. I never expected to run into you tonight in the restroom.”

“Well, I never expected to run into you, either.”

“So why were you there?”

“Fair question.”

But am I gonna give him a fair answer, or the usual bullshit?

I went for as sincere as I could be. “I’m behind as shit in all my classes, and finals are in two weeks. My profs have all been understanding, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve gotta read about three hundred fuckin pages in the next few days and write two goddamn papers. It’s putting a lot of pressure on me—a lot of stress I need a way to relieve.”

I tried to milk him for sympathy. He stared at me in silence, so I went on, “I was in the goddamn library for hours, head down, trying to catch up on all the work I missed, and I needed some release—it’s as simple as that. The Men’s Room is fuckin gross, but all I wanted was to shoot a load.”

“And take a fuckin dick up your ass?”

Whoa! Since when did little tighty-whitey use language like this?

“Yes, Pete, sometimes a man needs to get fucked just for the fun of it. Whoever the dude was, he had a big fuckin cock, and my hole was aching to be filled by it.”

Pete was shocked. “Bruce? I thought I knew you, but this is a side of you I never expected.”

“Well, chalk it up to my fuckin concussion or anything you want to.”

I decided to go with my gut. I went over and sat beside him on the couch. My voice deepened and took on a solemn tone. “I met a guy, Pete.” His eyes widened. “He’s a real, fucking grown-up gay man, and he has shown me something inside myself that has been trying to come out for years.”

And I think I’m in love with him, but I’ll never admit that to you.

I took a deep breath and lied like a motherfucker. “I have needs, and I meet those needs in any way I find convenient or desirable. It doesn’t mean shit. It’s simply a basic human urge I satisfy by doing whatever works.”

Pete leaned in and kissed me with raging passion. “Let me meet your needs, Bruce! Fuck me every way from Sunday—upside down if you want to. Teach me how to be a real, fucking grown-up gay man, too!”

Great—just fuckin great. Now, what the hell do I say? If I fucked him, it wouldn’t feel right because he’s too goddamn innocent. But he’s a good kid, and I don’t want to hurt him or break his heart by turning him down. Oh, what the fuck! I guess I could do him a little and let him down lightly afterward.

I stood, took his hand, and led him into my bedroom, where I solemnly removed his clothes, followed by my own. He was eerily passive, waiting for me to do anything I wanted to him. I guided him to the bed and we stretched out side-by-side. Pulling his face toward mine, I kissed him. His lips opened, and his sweet breath filled my nostrils.

Pete lay limp, surrendering himself to me. As I tugged his body to mine, his hard cock pressed against my belly. His ginger hair felt soft and thick as I ran my fingers through it. Pride surged through me when his skin pebbled with goosebumps as I teased his earlobes, then traced my hand across his shoulders. A sigh escaped us both when I skimmed his back with my blunt fingernails before settling at his butt crack. A muffled whimper came from him when my hand traveled over his hip to massage his balls and grasp his cock, which was already dripping with pre-cum.

He trembled with excitement and moaned. I rose up on my knees and moved my face to his hard-on. Wetting my lips, I kissed it, circling my tongue around the head. He tried to push his dick into my mouth, but I kept it closed.

“Hold on, buddy-boy. I’m the one leading this exploration.”

He giggled. “Sorry. I guess I’m too eager.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll be where you wanna be soon.” Holding his balls in my hand, I licked down the length of his prick, soaking it with my saliva.

I rolled him over on his stomach, bringing my face close to his cherry ass. Licking upward from his nuts, I followed the midline of his back up to his neck and hairline and back down again, stopping at his trembling pucker.

When I inserted my tongue into his asshole, he begged, “Fuck me, Bruce!”

“All in due time. We need to take your first time slow, so you can enjoy every bit of it.”

I replaced my tongue with my index finger. His sphincter gave way grudgingly, proving he was still a virgin. “This might hurt a bit, Pete. We don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”

“Fuck me, Bruce! Please!”

“Easy, Buddy. Let’s work up to that.”

I added a second finger and moved them around in circles and in and out, stretching his opening for what was about to assault it. When I introduced the third finger, he groaned but pushed back, forcing my fingers deep inside his warm receptacle.

I can't get over how eager this kid is to get fucked.

I worked my three fingers inside him for a few minutes, allowing his ass to adjust to accommodate the girth I was about to replace them with.

“Pete?” He had stopped moving and become silent when I removed my hand.

“Yes, Bruce?”

“If you think you’re ready—”

His voice was shaky. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“How old were you when you did this for the first time?”

“Eighteen.”

“And who did you do it with?”

“My best friend.”

Pete didn’t say any more. He pressed his body back toward me and arched his back, offering his ass and inviting me to enter him. I reached for the condom on my bedside table and applied lube to my cock and his hole. As I did this, his tone became wary. “When did you start using rubbers?”

“I’ve been fucking a man who never does it without one, so I kind of got used to the idea. Don’t worry, I don’t have any disease or anything.”

He nodded with innocent trust, and I inched forward, intending to penetrate him as gently as possible. My young lover had stopped breathing, but his entire body was wound as tight as a bomb about to go off. As my cockhead touched his pucker, he forced himself back toward me, and it popped all the way in.

“Whoa, baby. Are you OK?”

“I got tired of waiting for you to spare me the pain.”

“Did it hurt?”

“Not much, and I’m in fuckin heaven with you inside me.”

I kissed the back of his neck and nuzzled an earlobe as I began a slow motion in and out, deeper and deeper. As I increased the pace, he again ordered, “Fuck me hard, Bruce!”

I let him have it all—well, not as much as David had given me. I have never been fucked like David does it, and I’m dying to experience it again, but I’m giving Pete at least as good as Craig gave me. This is plain vanilla sex, but it looks like it’s doing the trick.

As i felt a growing sense of being ready to come, I didn’t want to take him by surprise. “I’m gonna come soon. Where do you want it?”

He froze. This was something he had never thought about. I was glad I asked. “Can you shoot in my mouth?”

“Sure can!”

I pulled out of Pete’s ass and peeled the condom off. Rising on my knees, I helped him roll over on his back and brought my hard-on close to his open and willing mouth. In seconds, I groaned, “Unh! Fuck! I’m coming!”

The first spurt of my cum flew across his face and landed on the pillow. I lowered my cock and rested it on his tongue, and the next five or six shots went into their intended target. Pete responded by swallowing as fast as I shot. After I finished, he closed his mouth around my dick and sucked me dry of every last drop.

I’m impressed. A lot of guys are finicky about putting a dick in their mouth that has just been up their ass. I’m glad Petey has no such qualms.

Spent, I sprawled on the bed beside him.

He surprised me several times during the sex, and I have a new respect for him. He isn’t the naïve young guy I thought he was. I don’t know why I was reluctant to fuck him like a man.

I held Pete in my arms for a while. He peered up at me, hesitating. “Would it be all right if I fuck you now?”

“Goddamn right it would!” With a hearty laugh, I got another a condom and unrolled it down the length of his erection, then lubed us both. I assumed the position by drawing my knees up and hooking my elbows around my inner thighs. Seeing me so ready to rock and roll, Pete was unsure of what to do. I ventured, “You take your dick, shove it up my ass, and fuck the shit out of me.”

He laughed uproariously. “Fucking right! Here it comes.” He entered me so hard that he pushed me backward.

It’s a damn good thing my ass is so experienced.

He set to pounding me like a piston and varied the speed and depth like a pro. “Shit, Pete. Where the fuck did you learn to do that?”

“I’ve been watching gay pornos. I wanted to find out how to please a man.”

“Well, you sure as shit mastered every lesson!”

As he fucked me, my young lover leaned down and kissed me.

"Where do you want me to come?"

"Right where you are."

His whole body stiffened and his breathing stopped. Thrusting deep into me, he unloaded his balls into the rubber with five or six hot gobs of semen. Afterward, he lay on me, exhausted.

I lowered my knees, keeping him trapped inside me as I found a more comfortable position. His eyes opened as he took a deep breath. “That was fucking unbelievable, Bruce!”

“Not bad at all, Petey-boy!”

Despite my efforts to hold it in my ass, his cock softened and slipped out of me. I pulled the condom off him and dropped it into the wastebasket. Putting both arms around Pete, I held him tight. I still saw him as naïve and inexperienced, even though he had fucked me as well as any man. I rolled to one side, taking him with me, and we cuddled each other for a long time. Giving him a tender kiss, I spoke with unfeigned affection, “Well, my friend, I hope it was as much fun for you as it was for me.”

Pete raved, “It was amazing! I never imagined sex with a man would be so...fuckin fantastic!”

OK, Bruce. You fucked him well, and he fucked you, so now what? You don’t want to lead him on, but you also don’t want to burst his bubble of post-coital afterglow.

I settled for, “As pleasant as this is, I need to piss.” I got up and went into the bathroom. I managed a trickle, making sure it hit the water to make some sound. Coming back into the bedroom, I avoided the bed. Instead, I asked, “How about another beer? I could fucking kill for a glass of wine!”

Clearly disappointed but not knowing what else to do, he followed me into the living room. We sat together on the couch naked with hips and knees touching. With my arm around his shoulders, I fixed my eyes on him and was surprised at how similar, yet different, we were.

I’m a couple of inches taller than Pete, and only six months older, so we’re about equal in a lot of ways. But he is still a boy—all right, a youth—and I am now a man.

He caught me studying him and grinned, resting his head on my shoulder like a little kid.

His thinking about sex is all about how and where and when to have some. I’m way past that point. I expect to have sex often, every day if possible, and I know a dozen ways and places to do it and men to fuck.

We sat in silence, and Pete took tiny sips of his beer. I was on my third glass of Chardonnay and would be ready for another refill in a minute or two. As we drank, I mentally composed the conversation that had to happen now.

Pete: “I love you, Bruce.”

Me, choosing my words so as not to hurt him: “Pete, I have to tell you something. I’m in love with someone, and I’m afraid nobody can take his place in my life.”

Pete, uncomprehending: “But...but, you have sex with other men.”

Me: “Yes, I do. We both do. We make a distinction between love and sex. We need to fulfill our sexual urges, and we expect each other to do the same. But we only have one person we love—at least, only one at a time.”

As I rehearsed and revised my little speech in my head, I realized how ironic it was that I was describing the relationship Gary and Dick had in their Fleetwood and that I believed Craig and I had until Christmas break.

Jolting me out of my interior dialog, Pete turned to me with a serious look. “Bruce, thank you for being my first. I’ll never forget you.”

Stunned, I gaped at him, speechless. He went on, “Listen, Bruce. I know I’m way too naïve and inexperienced to meet your needs. I’m grateful you introduced me to sex with a man. Hell, you fucked my brains out, so how to do it is firmly implanted!”

We both laughed nervously.

Amazed by his words, I listened as Pete continued, “You’re a full-grown man when it comes to fucking, and I’m still nothing but a wide-eyed kid. Even if you tried to teach me what you know and how to please you, it would take forever, and I don’t think I’d ever be the lover you need.”

Trying to hide my relief, I patted him on his naked knee. “Pete, you’re a much better lover than you think you are.”

Goddamn, could you possibly sound more fucking shallow and insincere?

Ignoring my stupid statement, he went on. “I’ll always remember how patient and gentle you were, how you never forced yourself or expected me to do something I wasn’t ready to do.” He smiled at me with affection. “I’ll compare every lover I ever have with you, and I don’t think any of them will come close to measuring up.”

I smiled back. “Pete, you’re a great guy, and I have no doubt you’re going to have lots of lovers—and you’re going to blow their minds with your body and passion.” I gave him my friendliest smile. “I don’t regret anything we did, and I like that we went at your pace, doing what you needed to do, when you were ready.”

Shit, I guess that’s mostly true, or at least partly true.

I leaned over and kissed his lips. He smiled back at me with a glint in his eyes, “Thanks, Bruce. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

We got out of bed, dressed, kissed again, and he left.

********

I ran into Pete around campus from time to time. We always stopped for a while to chat and catch up. We met for a coffee occasionally, but we never had sex again.

Looking in the mirror one morning, I spoke aloud to try to make sense of my fucked-up life.

“I’m with David Liu now, and he’s not gonna bullshit me the way Craig did. And he won’t have to treat me like a kid, the way I had to do with Pete. I’m still really young, but I’ve crossed the line to gay manhood and grown-up sex, and there’s no turning back. Craig did me a favor by breaking up with me, and Pete—well, Pete showed wisdom far beyond his years by letting me go without regrets.”

I paused to wipe away a tear. So much for having no regrets. Dammit!

I picked up the thread. “Now I’m ready to find out where my ‘relationship’ with David takes us. I bet it’s gonna be perfect in every way.”

I looked myself in the eye and winked. “At least that’s what I’m hoping.”