Salvaging the Road to Redemption - 1. Chapter 1 - Beginning

To Steve:

This wasn't one you got to see back then, but its special just the same.

Thank you.

I realized early on that my life wasn’t like everyone else. I didn’t come from a home in the suburbs, with that perfect family you see on TV. The mom that made dinner every night and made sure you ate your vegetables. The dad that always double checked your report card and played ball with you in the yard on Sundays.

Family vacations, decorated holidays, and trips to the mall. Graded papers on the fridge, photos on the mantle and shoes that always fit in just the right way.

I never knew those things. There was a lot I didn’t know, including my dad.

My mom says he was gone before the pregnancy test strip had turned blue. In reality she probably never knew who he was anyway and knowing my mother I was probably the product of a twenty dollar hit of the finest white powder the homeless could afford.

The few memories I have of her are far and few between, and what I do remember. Well its best to just forget.

My social worker decided on a whim to pull me from my last placement. Of course I bet the scratches on my back and the bruising along my ribs had something to do with it. Maybe the blood stains on a dirty pair of underwear clenched the deal. At least the doctors where gentle with their probing this time, it’s the only gentle touch I’ve ever really had.

Mrs. Carson my social worker is surprised that I’m not ‘responding emotionally’ as I should over this latest of a small list of tragedies. I didn’t give it a second thought till just now, really I don’t know anymore what I do know is that the number I get on the inside, the rougher ‘those guys’ get.

I’m proud of myself though, I didn’t even cry this last time. Not one bloody tear no matter how much it hurt, or how much my mind tried to will them to stop. I can’t really fight them off, they’re always so much stronger than I am which is why they do it. The kid with the blonde hair and green eyes is a pushover, he even likes it he doesn’t beg you to stop, he doesn’t even cry. He just lets you do it over and over and over again.

I don’t like it, never have and probably never will. They may be able to over power my physical strength but no longer will they be strong enough to break me in my head. No more tears. Ever.

Mrs. Carson wants me to talk to another shrink, but I think this time I’m just going to tell her no. There isn’t much they can do to help me except make me talk about it and, I really can’t. I have no trust with anyone, not really even her. I’m sure she means well but her intentions haven’t been good for me and I’m not sure they ever will be.

Besides knowing my luck the shrink will turn out to be another sick fuck that wants a piece of easy ass. He’ll try to break himself into my head, he’ll try to be my friend to gain my trust, then just use me for his perverted pleasure.

No. It won’t happen. Not again.

Not EVER.

--

A blast from a horn jolted me from my thoughts and my reading. I quickly looked around as I kept my perch on a low marble wall that was the decoration of choice of the many downtown structures. I checked up the street to see if there was any indications of the bus I was waiting for and looked back down at the open journal laying in my lap.

The cover was tattered in places, the edges of the paper will worn with being stuffed into rucksacks, between mattresses and other hidden places.

Tattered and worn, just like the author.

Not EVER.

How long had it been since I wrote that? Six months? A year?

Had to be a year because it wasn’t long before it did happen again and Carson did the pull on me. She had done the pull three more times after that and each time it happened I felt as if a part of me had died on the inside.

I didn’t have much longer to go until I was 18. In fact I had been counting down the years, the months the days for as long as I could remember. Counting down the days until I had control over my fate and destiny instead of leaving it in the incapable hands of another.

‘He needs shelter, he needs school, he needs supervision. He needs a guiding hand, he needs someone he can talk with. He needs to eat, he needs to sleep, he needs to find Jesus.’

I heard it all, so many times before. And there where days when I thought even Jesus couldn’t help me.

The shuffling of people brought my awareness back to reality as the bus had finally arrived. I closed the journal and pushed it deep inside my bag and joined the line of those waiting to board. I thought of the people behind and in front of me. Was their lives easy or as ‘challenging’ as mine? Did they have a home with someone to go to or where they going home to a bottle?

All I had to look forward too really was food and a bed, and really I should have counted myself lucky for that. For the last three months I had been in a group home, ran by two sisters.

Not nuns, sisters you know two siblings. It wasn’t great but at the same time it wasn’t bad either. They where strict to a point, but deep down I felt they where easy going and at least attempted to care. It was because of them I was on that bus. Trying to find a job in an uncertain economy is one thing, but trying to find one as a teenager with no real skills or experience was another, even with the general job training assistance I had been taking over the summer.

I didn’t stop trying though and I wasn’t about to stop after this upcoming rejection either.

Although I was intimidated when I stepped off that bus and came face to face with Gus’s garage. The place was everything you’d expect from this part of town. A sound structure with no real frills. The smell of grease and other automotive fluids flowed with the breeze, and there where cars everywhere.

The paper I had in my hand wasn’t lying about ‘general help wanted.’ Every available piece of concrete had a car on top of it, and inside the building itself you could hear the sound of work. Tools clattering, hammers banging, and a booming voice cussing like a sailor on veterans day.

I wasn’t keen on this idea to begin with and after hearing that voice inside I shivered a little. I knew that kind of voice. I knew the kind of person it belonged too. I started to feel numb and shuffled my feet back away from the building.

“Hey kid, you need something?”

The voice caught me off guard. It wasn’t the imposing overlord like voice I had just heard but it was enough to catch me by surprise. I didn’t jump but I came close to doing it.

“I uh, saw an ad in the--”

“You wanna talk to Gus.” He said cutting me off in mid sentence yelling, “HEY GUS THERE'S ANOTHER KID OUT HERE ABOUT THAT AD IN THE PAPER.” And walked off without giving me another look.

“Another WHAT?” The booming voice called out, followed by a loud clang of metal against concrete and a curse.

I was met almost instantly with the biggest black dude I had ever seen in my life. He reminded me of that guy in The Green Mile, you know the big one they executed at the end of the movie.

“Ah hell I aint got TIME for this. Especially for another damned kid.” Gus said as he threw a wrench into a tool box and walked back into the garage.

My resolve for not giving up was quickly deflating. There are just some things I couldn’t handle and I think this guy was one of them.

“Well if you keep turning them away you’ll never have time for anything with this workload on your porch Gus.” A new voice said.

I looked up and saw another guy, not much older than me.

“If I wanted any lip out of you I’d scrape it off my dick.” Gus replied, followed by a door slam somewhere inside the building.

His condescending tone and choice of words was enough for me to just turn around and walk away. I didn’t have money to get back to the home since all I could afford was a one way with a transfer in downtown and with the late afternoon sun doing it’s thing I didn’t want to be around when it got dark.

“Hey kid where you going?” The new guy asked as he approached wiping his hands with a rag.

He was definitely not much older as I saw him up close but definitely taller than my five foot eight, maybe six, just enough for me to have to look up to see his eyes.

“Home, you heard the guy.” I said probably sounding a little more defeated than I should have.

“What, Gus?” he asked stuffing the rag in his back pocket. “Don’t worry about him, his bark is much worse than his bite. Don’t let his over powering expression scare you off.”

I gave a nod and stood still not sure where this was going.

“The name’s Joshua Price, well Josh actually or at least that’s what everyone calls me. What’s yours?” He asked extending a hand.

“Benjamin Thomas.” I replied giving him a halfhearted shake.

“So what can I do for you Benjamin Thomas, you looking for work? ‘Cause you know I don’t see a set of wheels here with your name on it.”

“Yeah I was just, trying to find out more about this.” I said lifting the paper.

Josh looked at the paper, “Looks like you’ve gotten around today eh?” he asked commenting on my circles and crosses that littered the classifieds.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“How old are you Ben, er is it okay if I call ya Ben?”

I nodded, “17. I turn 18 in November.”

“Ah, trying to get a head start. I don’t blame you.”

“Heh, trust me, you don’t know the half of it. Anyway I gotta get going.”

“Why, aren’t you looking for a job? Last time I looked we had an ad in the paper you so willingly circled.” Josh probed with a small grin.

“Oh Gus? Didn’t I just make a comment about the bark? Come on dude. If you need a job lets talk shop.”

“Are you a manager or something?” I asked looking up at him with a slight squint.

“No I’m just a guy who has been around here long enough to know how certain things work. You ever work on cars before?”

“No.” I replied.

“Ever use power tools?”

“No.”

“Uh ever pump gas?”

“No.”

“Well damn kid, and I thought this was going to be a challenge.” Josh replied with a mock show of hands. “Listen things are starting to wind down here, and there's still some daylight left. You want a job or not?”

“Yeah I need it.” I replied honestly.

“Alright then, don’t move a muscle.” And before I knew it Josh disappeared into the garage.

At this point I honestly didn’t know what to expect. More yelling? More metal on concrete as a tool was thrown at the ground? I just didn’t know.

The yelling was at least evident. Gus being the big guy- he was apparently had the voice that could be heard somewhat through anything, including concrete.

Finally there was silence and Josh reappeared with a confident smirk on his face.

“See? You just need to know how to talk to the big bad Gus.” Josh replied as he motioned me to follow. I thought he was going to lead me for a face off with Gus but instead just had me hang around while he cleaned up and put away some of the tools.

“Hey Willie, I’m out of here,” he finally called out. “Tell Gus I’ll see his pretty girlish mug in the morning.”

“Uh huh,” Willie, the guy I had encountered first replied from across the garage. “Bright and early. Seven AM no excuses or that pretty girlish mug will be chewing you a new one.”

“Yeah yeah, Seven. See ya later.” He said with a wave of his hand, “come on kid.”

“To where?” I asked slightly confused.

“You want a job don’t-cha?”

“Well yeah but--” I replied, still confused.

“Then your coming with me for a crash course in automotive repair, and since this place is closing up we’re going to my place.” Josh said placing his hands on his hips.

“Uh, your place?”

“Well my mom’s we rent this house not far from here, but it’s got a big garage and I’ve got the tools and the know how to show ya some stuff.” He explained tapping a finger on his temple to emphasize.

“Look I’m not sure,” I stopped mid sentence as he gave me a look.

“I’m just trying to help ya dude. Besides my mom’s a grade A cook and by the looks of it you eat like a rabbit so come on. What’s the worst that could happen?” Josh cracked a killer smile and patted me on the shoulder.

I strongly considered giving him an answer to that question but thought better of it.
Whatever was going to happen was going to happen, I just shrugged it off and followed him to a classic Camaro. I paused for a moment as he got in and got himself settled.

“Well come on, don’t wanna waste daylight now do we?” He asked picking up on my hesitation.

God was I really this fucking stupid? Fine, whatever I don’t care anymore, I thought to myself as I got in the car.

Josh was telling the truth about living close by, because it was only a short drive through surface streets before we pulled up to a shabby little house in the kind of run down neighborhood I was used too. I quietly followed him inside and just waited for a punch or a choke hold or something as the front door closed behind me.

Instead he called out, “Hey Ma, we’ve got a guest for dinner is that going to be okay?”

A moment later a voice called out, “never is, you know that,” which was followed by the entry of Josh’s mother.

I relaxed a little on the discovery that we weren’t alone and managed to give a small smile and a little wave.

“And who is this?” She asked as she hugged Josh.

“Ma, this is Ben a new guy from the garage. Ben this is my mom Pam.”

“He made it past Gus?” She asked with a smile as I extended a hand and shook it briefly.

“Uh, not exactly.” Josh replied, “but it’s the end of the day and that’s usually when Gus goes nuclear so, tomorrow is another day. I’m going to show him some stuff with your car if it’s cool. I need to change the oil and crap anyway.”

“Of course. It’s in the garage. Keys are on the hook, I’ll go finish dinner and let you boys have at it.”

Josh smiled as she left for the kitchen and gave a jerk of his thumb. “She’s the best you’ll ever meet. Trust me on this.”

“What about your dad?” I asked.

“He died when I was little, it’s just me and her,” he replied looking away.

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have.” I started, but he held up a hand.

“Ben it’s okay, come on lets put you to work.”

He placed a hand on my shoulder which almost made me flinch, and guided me through the house and grabbed a set of keys off a row of hooks at the back door. The garage was detached from the house and offset a little in the back yard with a small ally between the houses that led to the street. The house and garage where a little run down, but everything was tidy.

Josh opened the garage door which proved to be clean and tidy as well.

“Okay Ben. This is a 2010 Chevrolet Impala. A V6, nothing too complicated, well except the variable valve timing. The object today is to change the oil, check all the major fluids and what the hell let’s rotate the tires so you know how to do that too.” Josh opened the hood and rummaged through boxes on a work bench until he located a few quarts of oil as well as an oil filter.

“Josh can I ask why we’re doing this? I mean why you’re doing this?” I said as I glanced under the hood trying to get a good look at everything.

“Because my mom taught me to do things to help others in need, and also because Gus is driving everyone crazy by not taking the time to listen to anyone that has applied to that ad. You’re the lucky draw of the straw Benjamin. No turning back now.”

The sun was setting as he explained the details of checking the oil, locating the oil plug, and the procedure for changing the oil itself. Not only that but he led me through it step by step and let me do the actual work. After that job was done he showed me how to check the fluids as promised, and I even managed to notice Pam’s car was a bit low on coolant which we quickly refilled.

The most time consuming part of the whole job was rotating all four tires. I had never changed a tire in my life and only saw someone else do it a handful of times, but Josh was persistent and I found myself at least able to do the work I was shown how to do.

“Very nice Ben, very nice indeed.” Josh said rubbing his chin as he watched me lower the last jack that held up the car.

“What?” I asked picking up the tire tool to tighten the lugs on a rear tire.

“You’re a quick learner. I mean really quick. I’ve had to teach people how to do this before, and don’t get me wrong it’s simple shit really but usually when people learn new things it takes a while to get into the swing. You’re a natural.”

I looked up at him checking for sarcasm, or a mocking grin, something anything that would tell me if his words where sincere or not. I couldn’t see anything but I still wasn’t sure…

“Here.” He said tossing the keys at me. “You ever drive before?”

“No.” I replied honestly.

“Well pull the car back into the garage.” He said moving the jacks back to their corners. “Start it, press the brake, put it in drive and let the brake go. It’s got a good enough idle to push itself forward.”

I looked at the keys and at Josh, then at the car. “You sure--”

“Well moving the cars at the garage is something you will HAVE to do. “

I wasn’t convinced as I sat in the driver seat and closed the door. Carefully I started the engine and did exactly everything Josh told me to do and the car moved into the garage without a hitch.

“See? Not so bad is it.” I just handed the keys back and nodded my head. I was saved from a verbal reply when Pam poked her head out the back door and announced dinner was ready.

I helped Josh close and secure the garage and we went back into the house. The smell of dinner immediately greeted my nostrils, the three of us quickly washed up and settled down and just listened as Josh and Pam went through what I was guessing was a daily routine conversation on how their days went and so forth.

“So Ben, how old are you?” Pam asked.

A lump formed in my throat as I swallowed the piece of fried chicken I had been chewing.

“Uh 17, I turn 18 in November.” I replied.

“Oh not much younger than Josh then, he turns 21 after Christmas.”

I glanced at Josh who was glancing at me with an almost uncomfortable look on his face.

“Last year of school then?” She asked before taking a bite of mashed potato.

“Yeah,” I lied. Well technically not a lie. School wasn’t due to start for another month or so but I had no intentions of continuing my education. My plan was short and sweet. Cut and run when I turned 18, if I made it that far.

“What do your parents do?”

Uh-oh. Josh looked at me, and I set my fork down. How was I going to get out of this…

“Easy Ma.” Josh said gently, picking up on my unease.

“Oh I’m just trying to spark conversation dear, no sense in leaving him left out.”

“No it’s… Okay.”

“My mom’s uh…. Well she’s a stay at home mom, and my dad sells insurance.” That lie made me take a quick drink of iced tea.

“Oh well that’s nice. I work as a telemarketer during the summer months. I’m a secretary at the high school during the school year.” Pam said before taking another bite.

This wasn’t boding well at all, and I was suddenly feeling a little sick.

“Josh works at the garage as you gather, and goes to the community college to finish up his associates program.”

“Oh for what?” I asked trying to keep the subject off me, “something in the automotive field.”

Josh shook his head and his demeanor got comfortable again, “no, nothing like that. I’m just doing that to pay for school, the work on my car and to help ma out. I haven’t decided what I really want to do yet.”

Well this was turning out to be something. Pam, would find me out at school, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle that.

“Do you have any plans for your future Ben?” Pam asked before I could comment on what Josh said.

“I honestly don’t know yet.” I stammered.

“Well surely you’ll find something.”

The conversation shifted through various topics, some of which I added commentary too. Josh’s mom didn’t pursue me further on my past or future to my great relief. I helped clear out the dishes and Josh announced he was going to give me a ride home.

His offer was a blessing and a panic at the same time. I quickly was finding myself deeper and deeper in a pit I really didn’t want to be in. I didn’t exactly want to come out and say I lived in a group home, or that I had lied to his mother about my parents.

Instead I simply had him drop me off a few blocks off from the group home, to a house that was dark and showed no signs of activity.

“Pretty dark place, is anyone home?” Josh asked as he pulled outside the house I indicated.

“Yeah… should be. My parents just rise early and go to bed early.” I said with a little bit of guilt as I got out of the car.

“Okay well, I have to be at the shop at seven in the morning, and really you should be there that early too. It’s best to catch Gus after his first cup of coffee and before he gets under the hood of a car because usually it’s all down hill from there.

“Alright,” I said grabbing my bag.

“Can you get there okay in the morning?” Josh asked.

“Yeah, I should be fine.” I replied.

Josh scrounged for a scrap of paper and scribbled on it with a pen and handed it to me.

“Just in case that’s my cell number. Let me know if there's going to be any problems okay?”

“Yeah, okay. And thanks.” I said with a gesture of my hands. “You know for--”

“You want to thank me, just show up in the morning.” Josh replied as he waved me off from finishing.

“Okay then, I’ll see you tomorrow Josh” I nodded turning towards the house.

“Seeya Ben,” he said as he drove away.

I made a show of going up the sidewalk as soon as he turned out of sight, I changed direction and headed back to the group home.

“Where ya been?” a voice called out as soon as I opened the door. Samantha sat in her recliner with a cigarette in her hand and a stern look on her lips.

“I was out looking for work like Tammy told me to this morning.” I replied as I closed the door.

“Did you find anything?” Samantha asked as she flicked an ash into the tray beside her.

“I think so,” I said as I pulled the paper out of my bag and pointed to the only uncrossed listing in the paper. “It’s Gus’ Garage downtown.”

“Downtown? The hell Benjamin!” Tammy said as she walked into the living room snatching the paper out of my hands glancing at the listing. “Aint nothing downtown for you except poverty and despair.”

“it’s all I could find!” I said holding up my hands in frustration.

Tammy signed and handed me the paper, “you missed dinner.”

“I ate already.” I replied.

“Ate already? I only gave you bus fare money, not ate already money.” Samantha admonished as she snubbed out her cigarette.

“A guy at the garage took me to his house to test general automotive knowledge and his mom insisted I eat, so I did.”

“A guy at the garage?” Tammy repeated looking at me questioningly.

I seriously didn’t need this right now.

I looked at her and replied, “It’s not like that Tammy.”

“Better not be I’ll take a wrench to his ass.” She spat.

Everyone was quite aware of my history and despite the run down nature of the place at least I didn’t have to worry about -THAT- here.

“It’s not like that, I swear”

“What time you gotta be there then” Tammy asked as she walked into the kitchen.

“Tomorrow morning at seven. I need more bus fare.” I replied.

“Yeah fine. Here. This is for transportation only for the next week. If you wanna eat, pack a lunch. If you need more till your check ask when this is out.” Tammy stated as she reached for some bills in a coffee can on top of the fridge.

“And Benjamin, you been doing good here and we appreciate that. But don’t forget you age out of the system soon and we aint renters here ya understand? You need to have a plan.” She continued as she handed me the bills.

“Yeah I know.” I replied, fully understanding what shit meant.

“Alright go to bed,” she finished with a nod of her head.

I sighed as I went upstairs entered my room. This game against time wasn’t looking good. My original plan was to age out of the system with a job, drop out of school and just start my life the best I could. I needed my own place soon, with a full time job that wasn’t hard. But with Jake’s mom a school secretary that might be hard to shake.

One day at a time Ben. One day at a time.

I stripped and went to sleep, thankfully it came quickly.