Salvaging the Road to Redemption - 4. Chapter 4 - Off The Beaten Path

“You got some time, not much, but some.”

Those words stayed burned into my mind for the next week. The first day off I had available during the regular work week, I bused myself around town with a to-do list that seemed to get longer as the days passed. My State ID was first, I didn’t know how to drive yet, so for the present it would have to do. Tammy suggested I send it to the group home, and she would forward it to my new address when it came.

My eyes studied the temporary ID As the bus droned on, I held my first true piece of adulthood. The second piece was at the next stop. Mrs. Carsen had given me a list of financial institutions that were prepared for situations like mine. The choice had been easy, get the one closest to work, and my new home which I hadn’t seen yet.

Today was going to be filled with a lot of firsts for me.

The bus arrived at the designated stop I needed and I walked half a block to the building in question. I looked through the doors with trepidation. I had never done business with a bank before, hell I had never even been inside of a bank before. Everything was so clean and ornate, and while I wasn’t a bum off the street, I still felt out of place since compared to everyone here I was a little rough around the edges.

“Can I help you?” A woman asked with a warm smile as she approached.

“Uhm, yeah. I need to open an account.”

“Wonderful! Is this your first account in your name?” She asked, in a friendly manner which helped calm my nerves.

“Yes it is, I’m Ben, I mean Benjamin Thomas,” I said then corrected for clarity.

“Right this way Mr. Thomas. Jace in new accounts will be happy to help you.”

She led me to a small office to the side with glass walls and a door, she opened the door for me and held it as I walked in.

“Jace, this is Benjamin Thomas. He needs to open an account.”

Jace had his back turned to us and when he spun his chair around, if I hadn’t been in, a complete state of anxiety, I probably would have been stunned at how handsome this guy was. Short brown hair, cut in all the right ways of a professional. Instead of a suit and tie he wore business casual with collared dark blue polo embroidered with the bank’s name and logo on the right breast, and khaki dress pants. And his eyes, light brown, almost amber that sparkled with life and friendship, and a smile that could stop a tank dead in its tracks.

“Hello, Benjamin!” His voice sang as I sat down. The woman that brought me here closed the door and disappeared leaving us alone to get down to business.

“Hi, you can call me Ben,” I said returning his smile a little.

“I’m Jason, but you can call me Jace as well. So you need to open a new account? First time then?”

“Yeah, that’s it,” I said as I dug the manilla envelope I had been given from my bag. I also pulled the temporary I.D. and social security card out of my wallet.

“Let’s see what you’ve got here,” Jace said as he studied the ID and the card. “You’re Seventeen?”

“Until November,” I said as I pulled out the documents from the envelope and handed them to him.

“Emancipated, and… Oh…” He trailed off, as some of the other state document’s caught his knowing eye. He glanced up and me, with a raised eyebrow, then back down at the document.

“I understand, yes let’s get this taken care of for you today.”

“Thank you,” I said with a sigh of relief.

“I’ve got you covered, Ben. I bet this week has been filled with firsts for you already,” He commented as he started keying information into the computer.

“You don’t know the half of it,” I said absently.

“I’ve got a pretty good idea. You aren’t the first, and sadly won’t be the last. But I’m glad you chose us today. We try to take extra care of people in your situation, and we have tools and guides to help you learn how to manage money effectively, which I’ll include in a folder I’ll be giving you.”

“Okay.”

“Do you have any cash you’d like to deposit?” He asked.

I pulled an envelope stacked with bills, my complete earnings the entire time I was at the garage, aside from some money spent on food, and my phone.

Jace took it from me and counted, “Fantastic. Looks like you’re off to a great start then. I’m going to give you ten printed temporary checks with your name and information on them. I recommend that you keep one in your wallet so you have your account information on you and the tellers up front can get you anything you need, and you will be able to withdraw cash from your account until your cards arrive.”

I found it easy to talk to Jace, and he made it comfortable for me to speak freely. He didn’t ask me for any personal details, which I was grateful for but if he had asked I don’t think I would have been able to keep my mouth shut. By the end of the session, Jace had opened a new checking account with a linked savings account.

I didn’t have a computer, or a smartphone yet to use the online account features but he set them up anyway along with an email address with a free provider so I could get into it since all I had was a burner flip phone I got from a gas station to at least have a phone number.

“It was a pleasure assisting you today Ben. I’ll be giving you my card, it’s got my work numbers on the front and my personal cell phone on the back. If there is anything I can do to help you, or answer questions please call me, day or night.” He said as he assembled the folder and handed me his card.

I looked at it and stuffed it into my wallet along with my ID and other cards, and secured it in my back pocket as Jace continued.

“Thank you, Jace, you made this a lot easier than what I imagined in my head,” I said gratefully.

“It’s what I’m here for. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

“No, I think that’s it.”

Jace shook my hand and led me out to the lobby. He pointed out the tellers, and the ATM machine and even introduced me to a couple of people on the front line. I left the building in a lot better shape mentally.

I wish I could say my next stop had been a friendly encounter like the rest, but as I arrived at what the State termed “Transitional Housing,” I had a feeling it would be anything but friendly. The building was a three-story walk-up, crammed into a row of other buildings. It looked like it had been plucked directly from the slums of New York City during the ‘70s. While it looked to be in good repair structurally, no effort had been made to do anything cosmetic to it in a long time.

This part of town wasn’t exactly known as the best either. Tammy had once told me there wasn’t anything for me downtown except poverty and despair, and I could easily see this was the part she was talking about. The street had little vehicle traffic and only some pedestrians. These were the people who weren’t ignorant of life’s horrors and walked to and from silently with knowledge and experience that probably mirrored my own.

I tried the door to the building but it was locked. I looked at the panel of buttons on the door frame and pushed the one marked ‘office.’

“Yes?” Came a gruff irritated voice.

“I’m Benjamin Thomas, I have an appointment with the manager today.”

A loud buzz was my only response as the door lock clicked, allowing me to push it open. The entryway was small, the floor done with tile work that was once ornate, and elegant but now dingy with age with a few pieces missing. The walls were a mix of wood and plaster that had been painted many times over and were just as dingy as the floor. At least it didn’t smell bad.

I followed the sign with the arrow that pointed towards the office and entered the opened door with a slight knock on the door frame.

“Yeah, come in. Sit,” The gruff voice ordered.

“I was sent by Brenda Carsen about housing,” I explained, as I sat down.

“I know kid, I ain't fucking stupid,” He said roughly as he pushed aside some papers on his desk, looking for something. “I’m Wallace, I own this building.

I nodded and remained silent. Wallace was a short, overweight older man, with a bald head. He looked to be as grungy as the building he owned, a cigar sat burning in an ashtray and a half-empty bottle of Jim Beam sat behind him with the cap off.

“Here it is.” He said, reaching for his cigar with one hand as the paperwork he was looking for was held in the other.

“Benjamin Thomas,” He said reading allowed, “looks like the state has you set up for up to one year. I’ve already been paid for the first ninety days. After that rent is due on the first of each month, no excuses. If you have to pay weekly, I expect it every Friday but there’s a fee for weekly and I don’t care about your problems.”

I nodded again.

“No parties, no noise, no drugs, no alcohol, and no cops, don’t bring any fucking cops into this building or I’ll throw you out on your ass. Do you hear me, kid? This building is full of people trying to find Jesus and shit or whatever the state makes them do to stay out of trouble. We don't need cops.”

“I understand,” I said quickly.

Wallace gave me a whithering glance and muttered, “Yeah, I bet you do.”

He reached behind him for a box of keys and started digging through it before finding a ring with a few attached with a tag and a number written on it.

“You’re in 204. Second floor. All doors in this building stay locked. If you got visitors you can buzz the front door open. The laundry room is down the hall, you’ve got a key for that too, and the mailbox is out front. Don’t lose 'em, or you’ll be shit outta luck, got it?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright then, sign this,” I didn’t even look to see what it was, I simply signed it and he took it back.

“That’s it, go. I got shit to do,” He said as he picked up the bottle of Beam and set it on his desk.

I quickly left and headed for the stairs. I climbed up to the second floor and made my way down the hall. The sound of some chick, probably a prostitute being railed mercilessly muffled through the walls.

So much for no noise.

I found the door to 204 and huffed a large breath as I unlocked the deadbolt and pushed the door. It creaked as it swung open following my hand and I looked around at what was now officially my new home.

It was small, but everything in it fit well. I closed the door and locked it putting the keys in my pocket as I explored the space in detail. It wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t new either. At least it was clean for the most part, and there weren't any blood stains on the floor so it could have been worse.

The walls were painted in a fading grey, a one-room open layout design. To my right in the corner was a small kitchen, a full-size stove and fridge, and an island that was apparently added as an afterthought. Beyond that sat a couch against the right wall, facing the left wall with tables at either end and a shabby coffee table. The bedroom area was at the far end, as the back walls were actually windows that looked out the front of the building. There was a bed, a cheap dresser, and a small closet. The tiled bathroom off the bedroom completed the apartment.

But it was mine.

I sat on the couch, unsure of what to do next. This had been my final errand of the day and now that it was complete I was unsure of what to do next. At some point I would have to get my clothes and other items moved over but I could literally do that in one trip. I didn’t have much.

It was the quiet of the moment that really got to me. No one around to yell at me, or tell me what to do. Tammy and Sam had been good to me, but after years of the others, I found myself feeling a little lost. That was when I realized how disconnected I was.

Trying to survive puts you in a different state of mind than most people. I didn’t have a TV or anything that played music. I didn’t have social media accounts or before today even an email account. No smartphone, no computer, I didn’t have anything except for my clothes, my journals, and a flip phone I hadn’t given anyone the number to.

I still had a long way to go.

I decided to spend tonight at the group home. I still didn’t know what to tell Josh or if I even should. I’m sure he would immediately question the fact he couldn’t pick me up from the same spot but that was a problem for later.

That night at the group home I laid out everything I had accomplished so far.

“I’m impressed,” Tammy said as she poured the three of us coffee as we sat in the kitchen.

“No shit, usually we gotta drag people out of here kicking and screaming,” Samantha mused in a joking manner.

“Sam!” Tammy admonished.

“What? I was joking. Ben, I was joking.”

“You know if he leaves they’re sending someone to replace him and that person may not be as put together as this one,” Tammy reminded Sam as he passed out the mugs.

“Shit,” Sam said as she thought about it for a while. “I didn’t think of that.”

“Benjamin, you are by far the easiest kid we’ve ever had in our home, we only wish we had gotten you sooner,” Tammy commented gently with a tone of voice I had never heard her use before.

“We’re going to miss you, Ben. We know this shoving you out of the nest thing is hard for you, but you gotta fly. And I think you’ll be okay, keep up with your appointments though. I know you hate going, but in the long run, it’ll help you,” Sam added.

“It worked for me,” Tammy said taking a drink from her mug.
“Thank you both,” I said quietly, with a little sadness. I didn’t dwell on what Tammy said, even though I wanted to. It was true, if I had just been sent here maybe my life wouldn’t have been so rough. Except no one knew back then what would happen, and I couldn’t fault anyone for that even if the bitterness wanted me to.

“Alright, enough of this mushy shit. Let’s order pizza to celebrate, I don’t feel like cooking,” Sam said elbowing Tammy.

“Fine, Ben just go to work as normal tomorrow then come back here. We’ll get you packed and I’ll drive you home.”

I agreed to Tammy’s plan and that night we celebrated my small victories of the day, followed by a toast with Dr. Pepper to what I hoped would be a better tomorrow.

I spent the last night in my room which had never been filled with a second occupant like the others and stared out the window at the night sky. This was my last night as Benjamin, the foster kid nobody wanted, and tomorrow I would be Benjamin, the… the… I honestly didn’t know.

The next morning went like the rest. I showered, shaved, dressed, and enjoyed my last morning of coffee and chit-chat with Tammy, I knew she was going to miss having freshly brewed coffee already made when she woke up. I met Josh at the usual spot, we did our normal routine and arrived at the garage quickly thereafter.

I was just getting started with my work day when Gus came lumbering through the door, he gave me his usual good morning grunt and made way for his office. Normally, I wouldn’t have bothered him so early but this couldn’t wait.

I knocked on his opened door and peered inside as I held the manilla envelope that held all of my important papers that were slowly increasing in size.

“Uh Gus, I need to speak to you before things get busy,” I said with a little anxiety. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

“Close the door,” He uttered as he sat back in his seat, and I quickly closed it and took the chair in front of his desk.

“So this last week a bunch of stuff has happened,” I started as I pulled out the paperwork from the envelope and handed it to him. The top sheet was the emancipation decree, followed by everything else Brenda Carsen had given me.

Gus wordlessly started flipping through the pages, until one caught his eye and he glanced up at me, “They released you.” He started going through the rest of the documents.

“Shit,” he said with a sigh. “They could have waited until you were done with school. You are still going to school right?” Gus asked his tone becoming serious.

“Uh yeah,” I replied.

“Do you have a place?” Gus asked as he finished going through the documents.

“Yeah, it’s over on Third Avenue.”

“Third Avenue?!” Gus replied loudly, “You’re shittin’ me right?”

I shook my head and looked down at the desk, Gus was not happy.

“Goddammit.” He cursed as he smacked the documents down on his desk. “Do you have direct deposit?”

“Yeah, I opened an account yesterday,” I said digging the paper from the bank he would need to set it up.

“And you’re new address is?” He said pulling out a pad, and he quickly scribbled it down as well as the number to my burner phone.

“Okay first off, here’s the deal,” He started as he slapped the pen on the pad. “When you go back to school, you’re hours are cut so you can go, we already knew this. I’m bumping your hourly pay, so you can make the same amount on part-time hours.”

“You don’t have to -”

“Shut up I’m not done yet,” Gus said cutting me off. “Second, does anyone else know about this?”

“No,” I said flatly.

“Then, you’re going to tell Josh everything, you two seem to be friends, and I would feel a lot better if someone had eyes on you Benjamin. You don’t have to tell the whole world, just him. He’s a good guy, understand me?” Gus bellowed, just quiet enough so people outside couldn’t hear.

“Okay,” I breathed.

“So, you’re going to talk to him?” Gus asked and I nodded quickly, “Listen, I’ve seen kids make so many damned mistakes because they couldn’t ask for help. I’ve seen kids almost kill themselves because they couldn’t handle it alone.”

He held up the paperwork I had given him, “This says you are a legal adult, free to fuck up your life in every way imaginable. I’ll be damned if you work here and make those mistakes. Understood? Tell me you understand what I’m telling you.”

“I understand.”

“Great. Here’s your stuff,” He said passing the documents back to me, I quickly filed them away. “We’re done unless you have anything else to lay on me.”

“No, thank you. I uh appreciate it,” I said quickly.

“Benjamin, you aren’t a throwaway,” He stated as I made for the door. All I could do was nod as I exited his office.

I went about my day as I usually did. Thankfully, today wasn’t absolutely slammed, but just enough business to keep me busy. I think Josh could tell something was up, but didn’t ask about it. I could tell during lunch that he really wanted to ask me what was up but he still didn’t say anything.

As the day wore on the concern in his eyes grew every time he looked at me. Gus, of course, hadn’t ever said a word to anyone and he would probably keep my secrets all the way to the grave, but he wanted me to tell Josh something so I figured the best approach would be to just show him.

The day ended without much fanfare. I was tired and drained, and feeling especially emotional. Josh was waiting for me in the car when I finally finished, I climbed in and we wordlessly made our way towards the inevitable.

“So, I don’t mean to pry but is there something going on? You look like you’ve been kicked in the gut and, not just today.” Josh asked absently as he drove.

“I’ve got some stuff going on and I”m not sure how to tell you,” I admitted in response.

“You know you can tell me anything, and it doesn’t leave this car right?” He asked, those blue eyes glancing in my direction.

“I know. Look, I’m going to show you some stuff, please just don’t ask any questions until I’m done explaining, okay?” I said looking at him with uncertainty.

“Okay, show me everything. I’ll keep my mouth shut,” He agreed.

When he pulled up to the dark house, I usually got dropped off at, I sighed and shook my head. “Continue down the street another block. Stop at the yellow house on the right.”

Josh looked at me and did as I requested, a few moment’s later we pulled in front of the group home. “Come inside please and help me,” I said as I opened the door to get out.

I led Josh up the steps and through the front door. Sam, of course, was in her chair, and Tammy was nowhere to be seen.

“Josh, this is Samantha. Sam, this is Josh. He’s the one that helped me get the job at the garage.” Josh gave Sam a small wave in greeting as he looked around.

“Oh, the guy Tammy said she would take a wrench to. Pleased to meetcha,” She said with a chuckle.

Josh raised his eyebrows and smirked a little.

“He’s going to help me get my stuff together Sam,” I said as I made my way to the stairs.

“Tammy will be back in a minute. Don’t leave until she’s here.” Sam commented as I climbed the stairs with Josh in tow.

I led him into the bare bedroom and went to the closet and pulled out a duffle bag. I set it on the bed and started clearing the dresser and closet of my clothing. I think Josh picked up on what was about to happen but he didn’t say anything as he started loading clothing into the bag.

I grabbed my shower stuff and my towels and dumped them with the rest, and finally, I pulled out five composition notebooks that had been hidden under my dresser and tossed them into my backpack, as Josh finished filling the duffel.

I kept my emotions under control for the most part but I’m sure it didn’t escape Josh as I thumbed a solitary tear out of my eye. I heard the door downstairs open and close followed by voices in conversation.

“Okay, I’m done here. If you don’t mind, I need you to give me a ride someplace then I’ll tell you everything,” I said and he gave me a single nod. I grabbed my bag and he grabbed the duffel and lumbered it over his shoulder as we headed downstairs.

“I’m guessing you don’t need that ride after all,” Tammy said to me before surprising me with a hug.

“No, Josh will take me,” I said gently.

Sam got up and hugged me as well, “Keep in touch kid. I wanna know about all the good stuff that’s going to happen in your life, okay?”

“I uh, just wanted to say thank you to you both for the time I spent here. It was truly the best,” I said choking a little and trying not to tear up.

“No Ben, thank you for doing all the right things. We don’t see that often here,” Tammy said.

No one said goodbye, we didn’t need to. Josh walked with me silently to the car and as we put my stuff in the trunk and then he grabbed my shoulder and asked if I was okay. I sniffled and gave a nod in return and we climbed in the car, and I left the group home for the last time.

Josh followed my directions without question as we took the solemn quiet trip to my new home. It wasn’t lost on me that I was about to spend my first night alone in my own place, as we pulled up to that out-of-place walk-up.

Without saying a word, I grabbed my bag and fished the keys out from it and Josh followed with the duffel bag after locking the car. I fumbled a bit with the lock on the front door of the building before it finally opened.

Thankfully, no noises greeted us as he reached the top of the stairs and down the hall to room 204. I unlocked the door and ushered Josh into my new abode.

“Just set that stuff anywhere,” I said as I flicked on the lights and made my way to the kitchen island. I opened my bag and pulled out the manila envelope. Josh set my bag down on the bare bed and looked around the room with his hands on his hips not sure what to make of any of this. I moved to the couch and spread the documents on the coffee table.

Josh soon joined me, sitting close but not too close as he peered at what I’d laid out in front of us.

“The place we just left,” I started with a lump in my throat. “It’s a group home. I’ve been in foster care since I was nine years old.”

Josh quickly glanced at me and then back at the table, “Your parents…”

“Gone a long time ago,” I stated with a sniffle.

“But that house I dropped you off at, and what you said before…”

“A complete lie, because I didn’t want anyone to know about me,” I admitted my face turning red with shame. I shifted in my seat uncontrollably. “I was released last week. They filed an emancipation petition and the judge signed it. They helped me get this place, and…”

“Benjamin,” Josh said gently, as he stood up and looked around, before gazing back at me. “You could have told me, man. I would have understood.”

I wiped a tear away as fast as the damn thing was formed, “I tried, trust me. People have done things to me in the past and I just can’t…” I explained, my emphasis on the word ‘done’ was plain as day.

“The appointments,” Josh said as it clicked in his head. He brought a hand to cover his mouth at the realization.

I couldn’t look at him, I didn’t want to see what was in his eyes. I stared at my feet as the silence in the room deepened. I felt a weight at my side as Josh sat back down, then I felt his arms wrap around me as I lost what little control I had of my emotions.

“I’m sorry I lied to you.” I quickly rambled as I cried softly.

“No, don’t,” Josh said as he held me tighter. “You don’t have to apologize for anything Ben. I get it, dude, trust me I do.”

I didn’t say anything else as Josh held me. He soothingly rubbed my back and let me lay my head against his shoulder. I felt like such a fool for not being able to say anything sooner. The one thing I knew about Josh was that when he said something, he meant it with every bit of his being, I honestly didn’t deserve his friendship We sat like that for a few minutes until I managed to calm myself down.

“I need to make a call real quick,” Josh finally said as he freed one of his arms to grab his cell. He kept the other around me as he thumbed through his contacts and hit send, bringing the phone to his ear.

“Hey Ma, it’s me. Listen you haven’t started dinner yet, have you? No nothing’s wrong. I need to hang out with Ben for a bit and I think we’ll get takeout before I head home. No ma, I promise Ben is fine. Okay, I’ll see you when I get home. Love you, Mom.” Josh ended the call with a chuckle, “She’s the worst sometimes.”

I gave him a small smile as he gave me a squeeze before standing.

“So, the first night in your new place. No sheets, no blankets, no nothing? Come on we have some things to get,” Josh stated.

I couldn’t argue with that so, I got up and grabbed my keys, and followed him after locking the place up. Josh ended up taking me to a big box store that carried everything, and before I knew it he was loading the cart up with all things he thought I would need.

We went from aisle to aisle in the homewares section, bed-in-a-bag, towels, an alarm clock, a cheap set of dishes that included bowls and plates, eating utensils, and assorted toiletries even though I still had some, and the list went on and on. He even insisted we toss in some basic food items that didn’t need to be cooked or heated. I, of course, had the money to pay the total when we finally made our rounds but Josh wasn’t having it. He slipped his debit card into the chip reader before I could even protest.

“This is an investment, Ben, plus I won’t sleep tonight unless I know you’re going to be safe and comfortable, and if my mom knew about all this she’d be here doing the same thing dragging you kicking and screaming, spending even more,” Josh explained as we made our way back to the car.

“Okay,” I agreed. It was all I could say because it had already been done.

We ended up stopping for Chinese takeout after we somehow managed to get everything to fit in the car. Once we got back to my apartment, it took a couple of trips to get everything inside and Josh even brought up a tablet he had hidden in the glove box.

I set up the takeout on the kitchen island. Thankfully, we didn’t need plates or utensils because Josh had the restaurant throw in some items so we could eat without worrying about it. As I was getting the food ready, Josh took over the bedroom and started making the bed and soon it was freshly made and looked almost inviting.

He then set up the tablet on the coffee table with his phone as a hotspot and found some movies on a streaming service to play as we sat down on the couch with dinner.

“Thanks, Josh,” I said simply, as he started the movie.

“No need to thank me for anything, Ben. We’re friends, right? I just wish you had said something sooner.”

“I know, I’m really sorry.”

“I understand, but instead of apologizing how about just no more secrets and lying, okay?” He said with a hint of worry.

“I promise,” I replied.

“I’m going to hold you to that. Now eat, you’ve got a busy life to start tomorrow.”

We ate and watched a comedy Josh loved and soon my spirits were lifted as we sat and laughed together. He stayed later than I expected, hanging around well after dinner and the movie. In fact, he waited until I was out of the shower and getting ready for bed.

“Are you going to be okay here alone tonight?” Josh asked gently as I exited the bathroom.

“I think so,” I replied.

Wordlessly he grabbed my phone that was charging on the nightstand and dialed his number and let his phone ring a moment before canceling the call.

“Save that and call me if you have any issues, I don’t care if it’s three in the morning. You hear?.”

“I will.”

He confirmed that he would pick me up in the morning for work and heaved a last sigh before he left. He didn’t say it but I could tell, he was worried and didn’t want to leave me there.

Finally, though he seemed satisfied and headed home.

As I locked the door after he left I took one long look at my surroundings. It felt so different than the usual path I walked down. This place, this time was unfamiliar territory and I just hoped I was heading in the right direction.

Only time would tell.