Sudden Death - Too Young - Update - 1. Sudden Death - Too Young (2)

She'd kissed her husband Richard goodbye as he left on a business trip a few hours ago. Richard had been a software engineer for sixteen years. He was a good worker and respected by his peers and management. Trips to train their customers were often requested by the company. It was one such trip he was taking. Tina was just getting back from their elementary school after taking the three kids to the book fair. The two oldest attended school there. All three of them liked reading to different degrees. Richard Jr., the oldest at ten, only somewhat, but Pokémon and similar books were his choice. Lynn, the middle child, loved reading, and at seven, had outgrown your typical "baby" books, but still was able to find a few she liked. Frances, the youngest, was four, also loved reading, and still enjoyed Barney the dinosaur and all the currently popular preschool topics.

It was supposed to be a quiet, relaxing evening. Not everything turns out the way it was supposed to.

Tina thought to herself, ‘First thing to do is find something for them when they inevitably tire of their new books.’ This wasn't very hard for the eldest two, especially in this age of hand-held video games. They would move on to their Game Boys and would be satisfied for at least an hour or two. It wasn't all that difficult for the youngest, either. Frances loved doing puzzles, and the bookshelf that held all the games had plenty of them.

With the kids thus occupied, Tina sat down at the computer to play solitaire. An ash tray was to her left, along with a pack of Misty cigarettes. Being right-handed, the mouse was obviously to her right. A double-click on the icon, and the game began. The first game ended with six cards remaining to be melded. Tina clicked "New Game". The second game was worse; eleven cards remained. This continued with varied results for a little while until she felt the need for a cigarette. She was starting to feel a little bit peaked, so she left the small family room to sit in the easy chair in the living room.

Something was obviously wrong because she started feeling worse very quickly. Tina used Pepto-Bismol exclusively for an upset stomach, which was initially what she thought to be the extent of her illness. There was a half-bath on the main floor, and hopefully, its medicine chest contained a bottle. Tina didn't want to have to climb the stairs. She was thinking she wouldn't have the energy to do that. Yes! There it was. She took a big swig and made her way back to the easy chair to let the medicine start working.

It didn't take long before Tina realized the antacid wasn't going to be sufficient. After just five minutes or so, the stomach and chest pains were getting nearly unbearable. Calling the eldest over to get the cordless phone for her, Tina dialed Barbara, her next-door neighbor. This action, and her pallor, of course alarmed the children. Tina asked the neighbor to come over to watch the kids, because she was going to call 9-1-1 and have an ambulance come. Fortunately, the rescue squad was just a mile or so away. They lived in a small town. Everything was a mile or so away.

When the paramedics arrived, they put her on the gurney immediately and took her out to the ambulance. The neighbor gave them both Tina’s and her phone numbers to get any news. Looking through the front window as she rolled to the ambulance, she saw her children watching, concerned. Since the neighbor had a small child of her own, Barbara felt it best to take them all next door. Once next door, Frances started playing with Barbara's daughter, Samantha, as they were very close in age. The eldest two peppered Barbara with questions that Barbara had no answers for.

"Is mom going to be okay?"

"What happened? She was fine a little while ago."

"Can we go see her?"

And then of course, there was the most difficult question of all, "She's not going to die, is she?"

Barbara had no answers. Even the easiest, 'can we go see her?' was difficult. The only answer she could provide was, "We have to wait until the doctors look at her and call us." Frances didn't really understand what was happening, but the other two were old enough to be afraid. The tears flowed and Barbara did her best to console them.

A short time later, the hospital called with the information that it appeared, Tina was having a heart attack, and they were attempting to revive her. The neighbor went next door quickly to retrieve Richard's cell phone number, which Barbara had neglected to get before she left.

Moments later, Barbara was on the phone with Richard explaining what had happened, and the doctor said he should call. It may be a cliche, but Richard literally dropped the phone when he got the news. Coincidentally, the same thing had happened roughly two years earlier when he got a similar call about his father. He was worried that he was taking the doctor away from helping his wife, but the doctor reassured him he wasn't needed at that moment. The doctor told him that they were still working on her, and he should call back again in a little while and he'd have more information. Since Richard was out getting a late dinner with his two associates, they quickly returned to the hotel to pack up and leave.

When Richard called the doctor back from his hotel room, he was told, his wife had died; they couldn't resuscitate her. All he could do was sit down and blankly stare into space; believing, but also not believing what had happened. He called his associates and told them the bad news. After checking out, one associate drove Richard's car. It was quite apparent that he was in no condition to drive himself. The second drove his own car. The two associates drove, even though they were from the main office on the other side of the state. They arrived at the hospital near the little town just after midnight six or so hours later.

Richard announced himself and was taken to the small chapel where they had placed her body. Knowing Richard was out of town, Tina’s Aunt stopped by to see if any assistance was desired. Barbara had come back with Tina and Richard’s kids, leaving hers home with her husband. Tina's Aunt, cousin, and cousin's husband had headed to the hospital to await Richard’s arrival. They were in the waiting room when he arrived. Richard visited his wife for only a short while. He couldn't endure seeing her like that any longer. After spending some time with the extended family at the hospital, he left to go home and do the hardest thing he'd ever have to do in his life: tell his children their mother died.

Frances was asleep in her bed. Richard told the other two what happened. When they queried if they should wake Frances, Richard said, "No, let her have one more night's sleep without knowing." They sat together on the living room couch, crying together for a while until the children were struggling to remain awake. Richard carried them both to bed, said goodnight, and retired to his bedroom. Sleep was slow to come. Even though it was a Thursday, he wasn't waking the children up for school, so they all slept in.

Later, the autopsy report indicated it was ACD—Acute Coronary Dissection. Tina had no chance. She was only 38.

Of course, the story doesn't end there. Life goes on for the survivors. First up was the funeral. This was the beginning of the test of Richard's faith. When he was a little boy, he wanted to be a priest when he grew up. Sometime around high school, that goal changed. Accounting classes piqued his interest, and he decided on that for a career. This was a decision that didn't last beyond one year of college. Two years each of mechanical and architectural drawing in high school provided a sufficiently challenging alternative—engineering . Richard met Tina at his first job after graduation. Fate, it appeared, played a hand in the career choices.

The funeral and the period following provided an addition to Richard's grief—anger. He heard things like 'God has a plan,' and 'God needed her.' What kind of a God needs a mother more than three young children? The obvious answer to him was, 'no God.' Faith shaken, he persevered.

Another lucky break was that Richard had a job whereby working from home was an option. Probably not possible without the change from accounting. He arranged with his manager to work from home three days a week and come into the office the other two. That lasted for a month or so before it became necessary to make it one in the office and four at home.

Fortunately, in the same small town resided Tina's cousin and aunt. Family helping has its limits, and Richard also felt the need to be home as much as possible. On the days he went into work, his late wife's aunt, who was retired, picked Frances up from pre-school, brought her home, fed her lunch, and waited until the older children returned from their school.

Even with the familial assistance, things were tough for Richard. While the children were generally well-behaved, the changes brought about issues. Anger had caused the older two to react badly to every disagreement. Having to quell these arguments took their toll. But Richard knew, he was all they had left, so he did the 'grin and bear it' routine. He was keeping the emotional triggers at bay, for the most part. He would take the youngest out for lunch some days, purposefully avoiding the fast-food restaurant where he last saw Tina alive. They had a play area that Frances liked to visit, but Richard wouldn't go there for six months. There were other fast-food restaurants with a play area. He spent extra time with all three children, juggling work hours when possible.

However, the next trigger was just around the corner. One day, Richard decided, he was going to drive at a high rate of speed into the back of a semi on his way to work. There was always traffic on the route, so the opportunity was bound to occur. But that seemingly wasn't meant to be, yet. He was just grabbing the car keys from the dresser, going through what was about to happen in the very tangible future. It would be wrong to say, he was excited, but he sure looked forward to what he considered a long-awaited relief. With the kids in school, there was enough time to put his plan into action before anyone realized what he saw no other solution for.

“Time to get up for school, Lynn,” he yelled upstairs. His daughter was trying to push her limits lately in terms of when it was her spare time and when there were things one just had to do. And he sure knew, how hard it could even be to only leave the bed in the morning. Nonetheless, he was tired of arguing with her, let alone setting a good example at times. He tried to be a good parent and hid his suffering from his kids the best he could. Now, he was just exhausted and couldn't go on anymore. For Tina, parenting came naturally, and with her, life had always been worthwhile.

“I don’t feel well, daddy. I think, I might have to throw up.” Lynn was standing at the head of the stairs in her pajamas, her face being a mirror of her words, leaving no doubts that she couldn't attend school today. Richard realized his plan was thwarted. Obviously, this was a good thing. “Okay. I’ll come up and check on you later.”

With no plans made to have family there before school ended, he stayed home. First suicidal crisis averted. Little did Lynn know; she probably saved her father's life. Depression overwhelmed Richard's sense of responsibility until he was forced to change his plan. The thoughts of suicide were ever-present, but no real consideration was given to it for quite some time.

As it is wont to do, time went on. After two and a half years of single parenthood, Richard found another woman, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. After a few months of dating, Paula moved in with Richard and his children. It was eight months after they had met when Richard proposed marriage. Paula was very much in love and accepted. Wedding plans were made. Paula’s one child, and Richard’s three were to be included in the ceremony.

Unfortunately, with two months yet to go before the wedding, a project at work caused him a lot of stress. One day, he felt he had reached the breaking point. He left a note for Paula, saying he was sorry, and that he couldn't deal with everything anymore and for her to tell his children he loved them. He simply assumed Paula would take care of them after he was gone. He drove away from home with every intention of jumping off an overpass into traffic. He even had the overpass picked out. A low wall, no fence, it would be easy to tumble in front of a van or truck. He even stopped just before driving onto the overpass and stepped out of his car. Perhaps it was the thought of ruining someone else's life by dropping down from the sky onto their car that prevented him from following through. Perhaps it was a concern for his children. Whatever it was, he got back on the highway and drove until he encountered an exit in a heavily wooded area. He could get lost in the woods and die of exposure; nobody else would need to be affected. One thing he hadn't counted on was OnStar. His vehicle was equipped with it. Although he didn't remain subscribed after the free period, that didn't negate the fact that it was still functional.

Paula wasn't feeling well that day, so remaining in bed, she didn't find the note. Richard's son found it after returning home from school. He stormed into the master bedroom demanding to know what Paula had done to send his father off the rails. Nothing seemed amiss; Richard was very good at hiding his emotions. Richard Jr. punched a hole in the hallway wall in frustration. Richard Jr. had a friend whose father was a policeman in the next town. The friend was called, the police were reached, OnStar was contacted. Richard's vehicle was located parked in a diner lot adjacent to the woods. Searching thousands of acres of wooded land was not prudent, so the waiting game began.

Richard wandered through the woods, not really knowing, nor caring where he was going. Strangely enough, he had brought iced tea with him on this trek. Who makes sure, they won’t get thirsty when they’re going to kill themselves? Apparently, Richard. He stopped often to take a drink. Even though it was a late April day, it was quite warm. This also caused Richard to stop and rest occasionally as well. His thoughts were jumbled. He wondered if he was patient enough to wait for night and fall asleep once it got colder. He drank his tea. He urinated when he needed to. He even tried laying down and falling asleep. His spinning thoughts prevented sleep from taking hold. No matter how hard he tried, sleep would not come.

Hours later, after dark, a lot of thinking, and hunger, common sense prevailed, and he realized, he was being stupid. He decided, he should head home and go get help. Suicidal crisis #2 averted. He found his way out of the woods to a road and luckily made the correct turns to return to his vehicle. Richard was pulling off onto the exit ramp to go home when the local police pulled him over. Paula was taken to the police station by another friend of the family. Paula later commented that Richard seemed like an empty shell. He spent three days in the hospital's behavioral unit, then two weeks in an outpatient program. After this, he was referred to a local psychiatrist. Richard got along well with him. The doctor even recommended an author to Richard. Lee Child remains a favorite to this day. Richard enjoyed the concept of following a single character’s escapades over several novels. The included action and excellent writing helped as well. Unfortunately, after a couple of years, the psychiatrist died of cancer. The doctor he was transferred to also was a good match. If this wasn’t true, the story might have had a tragic ending.

Finally, all was going well with his second wife, Paula. The marriage had occurred as scheduled. However, as the years went by, Richard remained confused and conflicted. Episodes from his childhood and earlier adulthood haunted him. But his life continued as before, without further issue. He once again returned to hiding his emotions.

He still struggles with bouts of depression, and while his faith in a higher power never returned, he had faith in himself. He decided that was good enough.