Life in Suspension - 8. Chapter 8 - Blue on Black

I spent that following weekend wallowing in my own thoughts. To keep my brother off the scent, I came home and told him about that evening, about how cool Corey's parents were. To give him something juicy to chew on I even told him about the kiss in Corey's bedroom and how we had rubbed our lips raw that night.

I felt bad for not sharing the part that was bugging me, nor did I share the tense moment Corey and I had before I left. It felt like I was starting to slip back into my old pattern, closed off and hostile, which is a place I didn't want to return.

As I went through that weekend, I checked for any notifications from Corey even though I knew he was waiting on one from me. I felt like shit because I just couldn't bring myself to say anything. I kept myself busy with anything that needed to be done.

I ended up doing not only my laundry but Chris's and my Dad's as well. I also scrubbed the kitchen, and both bathrooms and cleaned out the garage. I had all that done early Saturday evening.

I spent Sunday, folding and putting away all the laundry I had done yesterday, then stripped the beds and washed all of that then remade everything. Chris finally caught up with me on Sunday afternoon when I was almost done cleaning and rearranging the wreck that had been my closet.

"Uh, Nate?" Chris called out cautiously from my open door after giving a brief knock. "Is something wrong?"

"Why do you ask Chris," I replied as I continued the small sort that was happening on my bedroom floor.

"Because you've been going around this house like a demon on a frenzy like mom used to when something was bothering her." He replied softly with concern.

I heaved a sigh and stopped what I was doing then admitted, "I don't know what's wrong with me Chris."

My brother took a few cautious steps into my sanctum and sat down on the floor across from me. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked after a few moments of silence.

My insides churned a little, as I thought about it. The angry me would have already yelled and pushed him out of the room, it would have been the simple solution to get him to drop it and leave me alone, but I knew deep down he wasn't going to let this go.

"Did something happen between you and Corey?" Chris asked in the same soothing tone he used to keep me calm.

"No," I said in defeat. "Nothing happened between me and Corey." I looked up at him finally and saw the real love and concern I knew that he only had for me, and I broke a little on the inside. I had to tell him.

"I told Corey's mom that I think I love him."

"Did she react badly?" He pressed, trying to get that glimmer of understanding.

"Not at all. In fact, I think it made her very happy."

Chris knew I had more to say and he kept his mouth shut so I could say it.

"It feels like it's all too fast Chris. Not just with Corey, my head is spinning because of all of it. It's too fast man and I feel like I'm losing my grip on it." I admitted in frustration, as my hands absently rolled through my hair. "I left him dude. He asked me if he had done something wrong, and I told him it was me, not him. He asked me if he could see me later and I told him I'd text him and I didn't. I don't want to hurt him, but the thought of seeing him makes me feel funny, and not the good kind of funny."

My brother didn't say anything when I finished, he looked at the floor for a moment as we sat in silence.

"What no advice this time?" I huffed, breaking that silence and he looked back at me.

"I honestly don't. I do think you should say something to him, so he doesn't get the wrong idea though. You know I've got your back Nathan, if this is something you need to take a step back from." Chris answered gently.

"Thanks, Chris, I'm just trying to work this shit out in my head without collateral damage this time."

"Good, now come eat. I got your favorite from The Salad Shop."

I wasn't going to turn down a grilled chicken salad with all the fixings so I followed him downstairs. After we ate Chris convinced me to shoot baskets with him to at least get me outside for a while and we did so until dusk. Despite all the crap rolling in my head Chris did give me a great workout. The physical exertion did help keep my thoughts from taking over for the rest of the day but it still gave me no answers into how I should proceed. The rest of the night went quickly, we ate a light dinner with Dad then caught a game on TV which I begged out of well before it was over. I was tired, especially with all the cleaning I had done, plus basketball I was pretty wiped out.

After showering, I went straight to bed and fell asleep almost instantly.

The next morning I didn't feel much better than I had the previous two days. I felt worse. The straps on my backpack felt heavier the closer to the door I got and I tried shrugging it off as I entered the building.

"Morning, Love Muffin," Jessica said sidling up beside me. She could tell I was off my game almost immediately I didn't even have to open my mouth. "What's wrong?"

I huffed at the question because it was one people now asked me all the time and I was getting a little tired of hearing it. Instead of answering it, I remained silent.

"Didn't you have a date last night?"

"Yes," I answered.

"Did something happen?"

"No."

"Did you have fun?"

"Yes, it was great actually."

"So why the silent treatment?"

"I don't know Jess, maybe I'm just tired of fucking talking about it." I snapped, then immediately regretted it.

"Fine. I'll leave you alone and get what I need from him. You can talk to me again when you can be nice." Jess snapped back, then quickly turned and walked away.

I stopped in the middle of the lobby shocked. In the entire time we've been friends she had never done that before. My mouth opened to say something to stop her from walking off but no words came. I just stood there like an idiot with my mouth agape as she walked off.

"I never thought I'd see the day when she'd be mad a you." Max Caster commented as he approached and watched her walk away as I did.

"Fuck." I muttered and started walking again to my locker. It didn't escape me that Max was following me so I had to say something before he asked, "Don't ask me if something is wrong."

Max raised an eyebrow and shot me a look but didn't retreat. "I didn't plan on it. Obviously, something is wrong but it's none of my business so I wouldn't ask anyway."

I responded with a grunt as my eyes searched for Corey, so far I hadn't seen him. Today was off to a great start and I hadn't even made it to my first class yet.

I did the usual book swap when I finally did reach my locker, Max stood off to the side letting me do my thing without talking. "Did you need something?" I asked him as I finished and slammed the door a little harder than I should have.

"Uh no, I thought I'd just walk with you to class, but if you want me to go…" He said as he bit his lip and turned to leave.

"Max wait. I'm sorry, I'm just in a mood right now and I don't want to get into why." I replied before he could get away, he turned on his heel faced me, and gave a nod.

"Okay." Max gave me a wan smile and walked with me in silence to our first class.

I had trouble concentrating through that class, and the next. During each class change, I searched for Corey but never laid eyes on him. It was easy for him to avoid me because in the mornings our schedules just didn't line up. I think Max noticed my mood was getting worse in the second period and we parted ways on the way to third.

Lunch ended up being a lonely affair. Jess was outright avoiding me right now awaiting the apology she rightly deserved that I wasn't ready to offer. Corey was still nowhere to be seen and for the first time in a while, I found myself eating lunch by myself. I was still by myself when Max found me reading the paperback book I usually had on me for such instances.

"Damn, what did you do to deserve this," Max asked as he sat down across from me.

"It's what I didn't do," I replied keeping my eyes on what I was trying to read.

"I really don't want to ask the question you hate so much, but I am curious." Max offered as he started eating.

"It's a long story man and I don't feel like getting into it."

"You are okay though right?"

"For the most part why?" I asked glancing up at him.

"Because if you don't want to talk it's fine, we can sit here in silence if you want. I don't mind dude." He explained with a shrug.

"Thank you, Max, I appreciate that."

Max went back to eating his lunch scrolling on his phone and left me to my book. I was finding it difficult to read anyway because now I felt the need to talk to Corey and I didn't want to do it through text. Occasionally my eyes would look up to see if he was around, but he never made an appearance.

I was at my locker after lunch with Max who had become my silent shadow as I tried to cram all my stuff into my locker. P.E. was next on my schedule and it was a class I would finally see Corey in.

"You never did let me know when you wanted to hang out," Max asked out of the blue as I was finishing, I think he waited until they heard around us and thinned out enough to ask.

"Yeah I'm sorry about that too, I've had a crazy couple of weeks."

"It doesn't have to be anything special," Max added nonchalantly.

I frowned, as I turned to face him. "What do you mean special?"

Before I could react he leaned down and kissed me on the lips. I stood there in shock for a moment before stepping back.

"Max you shouldn't-" The sound of a fist hitting metal interrupted me as I spun and saw Corey off in the distance rubbing his wrist.

"Corey wait!" I tried. He responded and gave me a forlorn look before he stalked off towards the gym.

"God dammit!" I spat, then looked at Max. "You really should NOT have done that."

"I didn't… I… Dude are you and Corey…?" Max sputtered, as his eyes went wide in realization, then looked horrified. "Oh my God dude I didn't know!"

"I don't have time to deal with this right now I gotta go," I said as I took off for the gym.

I made it to the locker room before the final bell sounded, everyone else was already in the process of changing out. I spotted Corey by his locker and felt a pang of regret, normally he grabbed his stuff and went to my locker so he could change out next to me, but that wasn't going to happen today.

There were just too many people around to even attempt to talk to him right now. Instead, I went to my locker and started changing out myself trying to get it done as quickly as possible. Corey was already out the door when I got done.

The same situation followed as we went into the gym. The instructors did roll call and then announced we'd be staying in the practice gym today for another round of Basketball, most likely so the Coaches could gauge who was likely to try out, and who they wanted to talk to about it. I waited patiently, before I attempted to approach Corey, but found out quickly that he was very angry with me and kept his distance.

For the first time since I laid him on the ground in that fight we had, he wouldn't even look at me.

I cursed internally in resignation. We all got sent off into groups to spread people out along the various goals that could be folded towards the ceiling along the walls of the practice gym. Coach Yates of course had assigned me and Corey to the same group since he had seen us play together and we started the drills.

I focused on what I was doing since I couldn't do anything else. Right now there was no point. I couldn't talk to Corey during this activity even if I wanted to there were too many people around. I made every shot I tried, except from the center position, which I could never make anyway.

I was trying to keep myself open for a pass when I felt a shove behind me.

"Do you like him?" An angry whisper asked.

I glanced behind me and saw Corey. His eyes had a fire in them not unlike my own, but under that I could see he was hurt.

"Corey…" I tried, but the ball snapped towards me and I moved to accept it. I got shoved hard from behind and fell to the ground. I immediately shot back up ready to fight.

"HARRIS, ANDREWS!" Yates barked from across the gym. "Is there a problem?" He asked as he approached.

"No problem. It was an accident." I replied as I willed myself to calm down.

"Well make sure these accidents don't happen again."

"Yes sir." We both replied in unison.

I picked up the ball and passed it back to the group so we could start again.

"Do you like him?" Corey asked again slightly above a whisper.

"This isn't the time!" I responded as the ball was passed to me again and I sank the shot into the net.

We worked our way around our area on the court, and I really wasn't paying attention to Corey's location as I was passed the ball yet again and was trying some fancy footwork to get around those guarding me, as soon as I got past them and lined up for my shot I was shoved to the ground again and this time it hurt.

"HARRIS, ANDREWS MY OFFICE NOW!" Yates yelled as he stormed through the groups towards us. Everyone in the gym stopped moving, and someone held out an arm which I took to stand back up.

The silence was deafening as we headed back to the locker rooms, down a hallway, and into Coach Yates's office.

"Now you want to tell me what the hell is going on?" Yates said as he slammed the door. Neither one of us said anything.

"Well?" Yates pushed.

"It's personal," I replied as I slumped down in one of the chairs.

"Personal? Harris I just watched him shove you down twice, and I told you two no more accidents. I could write one or both of you up for fighting even though Harris didn't do a damn thing. Is that what I should do Andrews? Write you up for what you did to Harris?"

"Don't!" I said standing back up, "Please don't it's not like that!"

Corey didn't say a word as Coach Yates gave us a long hard look.

"Please," I begged.

"Andrews, get out. You better be in that practice gym running laps around it when I get back in there understood?"

"Yes sir," Corey said.

"Then go."

Coach Yates waited till after Corey left before he looked at me and asked, "You want to tell me about this personal problem?"

"It's not what you think Coach, I promise but it is very personal."

"Oh, I'm sure it is exactly what I think Nathan or we wouldn't be standing here. I'm not going to dig but I've seen you two around since your stint in suspension. I've also seen how you two play together when your personal business isn't affecting your performance."

Coach Yates let that sink in for a moment before he continued, "Are you going to try out for the school team?"

"Yeah. I guess."

"You really should. No one expects people your size to play as well as you do. I certainly didn't, it's like you can do the geometry in your head in a split second because you nail it every damn time."

"Except from the center," I admitted.

"Then we won't make you shoot from the center. Think you can get whatever it is between you and Corey cooled down before the season gets serious?"

"I'll try," I replied meekly.

"Please do. And remember no accidents on school grounds. I don't want to have to suspend either of you it'll kick you off the team okay?"

"Yes sir."

"Then we're done. Tryouts are in a couple of days, be in the practice gym after school."

Corey spent the rest of that period doing laps around the gym. As I did the drills with the rest of our group I couldn't help but to look at him every time he passed. He kept his head down as if in deep thought with a slight frown on his face, and he didn't look at me once.

The rest of the day was quiet and depressing. First Corey, then Jessica, and now Max was avoiding me. I did what I could to concentrate in class but I was failing at it miserably. I almost laughed at myself once, because isn't this what I had wanted before I got involved with Corey? To be left alone? It's funny how life seems to grant you your most fervent wish when you need it the least.

Finally, the day was over and I grabbed what I needed for homework that night I closed my locker and turned.

"Looks like you don't have your protection anymore Harris, isn't that what you homos should carry at all times? Protection?" A voice taunted.

Two of Jackson Hunter's old crew stood back glowering at me. One was Jeremy Reese who had been on the football team and the other was Garrett Fletcher.

"Fuck off Jeremy." I spat, as I shrugged them off and started walking away.

"Faggot say what?" Garrett taunted as they followed.

I said nothing in response.

"I think we should teach this one a lesson since his last one got interrupted," Jeremy said with malice.

"I think we should. Hey faggot, turn around."
My blood was starting to boil as that hold of anger started to resurface from the depths of my being. I kept walking, not changing my pace.

"I said turn around!"

A hand grabbed me by the bicep and tried to spin me around with force. I used the momentum to swing completely around smacking the arm that held me hard with my backpack, then jumped back.

"Oh, you wanna go then?" I questioned with fire in my eyes. "You wanna do this? Then let's fucking go." I threw my bag to the ground and got clear of it. "Come on hit me you fucking wanna-be. Do it. I'll give you a fucking free shot but make sure it fucking does the job because you won't get a second."

My eyes flicked wildly from James to Garrett and back again, "what's the fucking matter? Pussy loses his nerve? Afraid to fight a fucking faggot. LET'S GO GOD DAMMIT!"

A small crowd started to form, not large as many of the students had already left. I could already feel a half dozen phones facing me silently recording video.

James finally reacted and came at me with his fist in the air, for once my height had the advantage and I ducked and stuck out my foot causing him to trip. I quickly backed away to give myself more space.

"Fucking pathetic!" I taunted. "Even a short fag like me can do better than that."

Garrett rushed me and shoved me hard against a bank of lockers knocking the wind out of me. I grimaced and then surprised everyone as I started laughing. "Too bad you can't do that when playing defense, Fletcher."

Garrett had helped James back up to his feet.

"STOP!" My brother yelled as he pushed through the small ring of onlookers along with his friends Dan, Lucas, and Dylan.

"Touch him again I dare you!." Dylan challenged.

James and Garrett paused and looked at each other, then looked at me, then looked at the cavalry who had just arrived. I looked them in the eyes and saw the registering defeat.

"Just what I thought, all tough and mighty till people your own size show up. Get lost. You aren't worth my time." I called out as I reached down for my bag and picked it up. I didn't even bother to watch their departure, when I looked up again they were gone.

As the crowd started to disperse Chris and his friends approached me.

"Are you alright? I don't want to have to call Dad again to report you need medical attention." Chris asked in a carefully guarded tone.

"They didn't touch me," I replied with a shrug. "Seriously Chris. Thanks, guys."

After a few more reassurances to the guys we all separated while me and Chris headed for the student lot.

"What the hell happened back there dude?" Chris asked once we were free of the school property.

"They came at me as I was leaving my locker." I said with a sigh, "I ignored them, and James grabbed my arm and ended up on the floor. I didn't hit anyone though."

"They could have hurt you, dude."

"Let 'em."

"Nathan…"

"Chris come on, I'm so fucking tired of people coming after me. I do nothing to them and they just keep coming. I tried to ignore it and yet here we are. I didn't start this but by God one day I'm going to end it."

"I just don't want you to get hurt." Chris offered, as he gave me a worried look before returning his eyes to the road.

"People get hurt every day Chris, me included."

"What do you mean by that?" My brother asked with a frown.

I launched into my interactions with Jess this morning, then the fact Corey had avoided me all day, I swear he almost lost it when I told him about Max and the fact Corey saw and the follow-up encounter in the gym.

"Nathan, what the fuck?"

"It is what it is dude. I just don't care anymore."

The rest of the car ride home was in silence, even my brother didn't have anything to say after that. It was later that afternoon while doing my homework, when the little part of me that still did care reached for my phone and started sending messages.

First was Corey.

natesfate_1022: I'm sorry I didn't text you.

Then to Jessica.

natesfate_1022: youre right im wrong. its just the same old song. i didn't mean to make you mad so I sorry its my bad. i made you mad enough to foam, and all ive got is this stupid poem. forgive me pls?

And finally one to Max.

natesfate_1022: you really got me fucked up today caster in more ways than one. But if you avoid me because of it I'm going to kick your ass, if Jess doesn't do it first after I tell her what happened.

As I was about to put the phone down, I got my first reply.

jessica_bartlett321: you better be glad i love you or i would have shown you where to shove your poem so call me, like right now.

I ended up on the phone with Jessica for the next two hours telling her everything that had transpired, the date, how lovely Corey's parents were, and the fact both of his parents were women. I then got into how I left that morning, and how I spent my weekend, and by the time I got done telling her everything that happened after we had parted that day she was mad.

It took a few minutes to convince her to not castrate Max, or to pull something on Corey. I told her to save it for James and Garrett because I knew that wasn't going to go away.

"Is this what happens when I leave you alone for a few hours?" Jess finally said after all the convincing was done.

"Pretty much. Without you, my life falls completely apart." I admitted.

"Well now you're completely forgiven before your life fills up my schedule trying to fix it. What are you going to do about Corey?"

"I don't know yet, we'll figure that out together I guess."

"And Max?"

"Leave Max to me, he and I are going to have a talk at some point."

"Just let me know if I need to find that spoon for either of them."

"I will."

We talked a few more minutes then agreed to meet the next morning. She didn't like the idea of James and Garrett's sudden boldness, and I really didn't either.

When I got to school the next morning, Jessica was of course waiting for me at the steps as she usually did, and Max was the first of the problems I encountered. I could tell he knew he made a horrible mistake and for the second time, I found myself having to forgive him for some reason. I let Jessica stay for this conversation because it was going to be short and sweet.

"Max you absolutely should not have done that," I said as I stood in front of him. "What were you thinking dude?"

"I don't know what came over me and I know that's no excuse Nathan, you have to believe me on that."

"So what you thought you'd just shoot your shot?" Jessica asked with her hands on her hips clearly not satisfied with his answer.

"Yeah." Max replied quietly, "If I had known that you were uh, taken I wouldn't have tried."
"Still you can't just randomly go around kissing people dude. It's not cool, and because of it you added a problem I didn't need." I explained, "What if it had been those boneheads, James and Garrett? You've got to be more careful because getting hit hurts." I said launching into my speech.

"Is Corey still mad?" He asked.

"Corey is my problem, and I need you to stay as far away from that as possible okay?" I clarified.

"Can I still sit with you guys at lunch?"

I looked at Jessica then at Max and heaved a sigh, "Yes. Despite what's going on I'm still going to try out for the basketball team. No idea if Corey is going to play or not now, but Yates really wants me to try."

"Okay, again dude I'm sorry."

"It's fine, but please stop doing stuff that makes us have these uncomfortable conversations." I waved off his apology, he was sorry and I didn't need more of them. I just needed him to chill out and be a friend if that's what he wanted to be. "Let's go, we got Lit Comp and I still need the book out of my locker."

That day at least started better. But it never got better than that. Corey never responded to that message or any other message I sent out over the next few days. I never saw him in the hallways, and occasionally I would see him in the cafeteria at lunch but it was only in passing. I still saw him in PE but after that meeting in Coach Yates' office, he never looked at me again.

I fucked up okay? I admit it! This was totally my fault, and I wanted to fix it. How was I supposed to fix a fuck up if the other party was so adept at avoiding me? It made me sick inside.

I saw him again the afternoon after school during basketball tryouts. My brother attended as well because he intended to play his last season since he had done it for so long. When I first got there people were skeptical of me, despite the work I had been putting in during PE. I heard all the hushed whispers the giggles and saw all the looks.

I never felt so unwanted in my entire life, and it turns out this was probably the reason why I never wanted to play, to begin with. People my age are social creatures that like to eat their young, and I wasn't a part of that world.

Max ended up being the only one besides my brother who stood next to me, the only two people who were confident in my abilities. I cast a forlorn look in Corey's direction only once, and almost felt maybe I had one more person that shared in that confidence even if he hated me.

I surprised a lot of people that afternoon including myself. I used my height disadvantage to a higher degree than I had before. I used the speed Corey had commented I had, then added to it. The others trying to guard me didn't know what to make of it and often fell over themselves trying to put a dent in my progress.

I don't like bragging but I absolutely killed it. Every shot I made went in, and after the fourth shot people's perception of me changed. The whispering stopped, so did the giggling, and as the Coach blew the whistle to end the tryouts so did the way they looked at me. I glanced quickly around the gym and saw a little more respect than anything else.

"Good job everyone. I saw a lot of great talent today, of course we can't take everyone so don't take that as a failure. But I will try to get as many of you as I can. That's it. Dismissed." Coach Yates boomed as he blew the whistle again.

Max and Chris were over the moon, for me mainly since there was no doubt they made it to the team as both had been on it previously.

"Nathan, a moment please," Yates asked before we left. I quickly made my way to him wiping the sweat off my brow and giving my hair a shake as I did so. "Are you and Andrews still in the middle of your personal problem?" He asked gently.

"It's not resolved yet Coach," I answered honestly.

"If I put you both on is it going to cause problems?"

"I don't think so, right now he's content to avoid me," I replied with a sigh.

"We'll try it then, if problems do arise I need you to let me know okay?"

"I will."

"You did great today Nathan, be proud and welcome to the team." He gave me a wink and shook my hand then sent me off.

My brother exploded with happiness when I told him I was on even though the official roster wouldn't come out till the following Monday. He even picked me up and spun me in a circle like he did when we were kids. I'll admit I was happy too.

That all came crashing down the next day at lunch when Corey finally made more than just a passing encounter at lunch. Our small group of Max, Jessica, myself, and a couple of team hopefuls had already eaten and were just talking when I noticed Corey sitting at a table with James, Garrett and a few other former football cohorts.

I immediately became livid. Jessica was the first to notice my change in mood as the storm clouds returned to my eyes, that old anger bubbling up again causing my lips to purse into a thin line and my frown deepening.

Max cast a worried look between Jessica and myself, before turning to look at my target. The video of my last encounter had made its circuit around social media, someone had even caught my taunts to those morons before the physical stuff happened. Thus far no one had made any moves to give me grief about it, and my performance the previous day was working its way around too.

"Nathan, don't!" Jessica warned.

It was too late, I was already out of my seat ready to cause a scene.

James and Garrett saw me first and gave me a sick grin as James asked, "the fuck you want faggot?"

I let it go because they weren't the reason why I was here.

"Seriously? This is where you end up back with these assholes?" I seethed at Corey, my eyes drilling into him.

"What does it matter to you?" Garrett popped off.

Again I ignored him, "Does your mom know you're talking to these homophobic assholes? Does Carla know? Fucking answer me, Corey!" I said giving him a shove as he sat.

Corey banged a fist on the table and shot out of his seat. I could see the fire in his eyes that closely matched my own.

"What you going to hit me too lug-head? Just like they do because I'm a fucking faggot?"
The anger rolled off me in waves as it got stronger. "Fucking Answer me!" I shoved him again but he still didn't react in any way.

"Why don't you shove off fag, real men are talking." James taunted.

"Oh, real men huh? Are you going to tell them about us Corey? Want to tell them how we sucked each other off? How about the date we went on, what about Linda and Carla? You want to tell these low-life pieces of shit about them too?"

"The fuck man!" James raged as both his fists hit the table.

"Is that true? You a fucking faggot too?" Garrett said as both he and James stood up.

I laughed, I couldn't help it. "God you two are so fucking stupid, don't even know when one of your own likes dick."

I saw Corey's rage right before I was slapped with it. I went down violently as he shoved me out of the way and ran. Where I have no idea because I had my own problems, I had to get back up before I got stomped by the other guys.

I got lucky, Jessica and Max showed up right after Corey pushed me and guarded me so I could get back up. Jessica's expression alone kept them in their seats.

It didn't take the lunch monitors long to find the source of the commotion to see what was going on, I of course lied and said I tripped. Somehow they bought it and no one got into too much trouble.

"Nathan what the fuck!" Jess shouted as we cleared the mess. "You just fucking outed him you asshole!"

The anger inside me immediately disappeared as a gut-wrenching pang of loss replaced it. I wanted to cry. How had this gone so upside down so fucking fast? How could it ever be repaired? What have I fucking done?

"I'm going to try to find him. Try not to dig any more holes while I'm gone, Nathan." Jess said right before she disappeared.

She left me alone with Max, as I sat with the realization that once again my anger I couldn’t control had ruined everything.