Those Left Behind - 15. Just holding on

Ludo wasn’t sleeping well. Anxieties over the police and being arrested had died down, but they were still there, bubbling back into his consciousness at the most unexpected moments including in the early hours of the morning, when thoughts, ideas would race around his head. Until Jackie was properly charged and tried, it wouldn’t go away, would it?

The idea that something else would happen, that more so-called evidence would appear, was a constant worry. From the word go, events had seemed to career wildly, but the more recent developments had sent his mind into overdrive. How could she, they’d built a life and a family together and even now, both of them had seemed to be working towards keeping that together. Weren’t they? It seems not; anger at Jackie, at what she had planned to do, at what she had done to him, their family and to Damian, just wouldn’t go away. Arthur was being a rock, but Ludo was scared that this was all too much, too quickly. That at the end of things the man would quietly retire away. And when all was said and done, Ludo wouldn’t blame him, really.

“You’ll say if all this is too much, won’t you?”

“Too much?” Arthur turned and pressed a kiss. They were in bed. It was early.

“I’ve been worrying about everything.”

“What a surprise, I thought you were lying awake for the fun of it.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. You’re allowed to. But what’s this about it being too much for me?”

“Well, I worry that it’ll all get more than you’ve signed up for. I don’t want to lose…”

“Now look here Ludovic Wilson”, Arthur sounded angry, the man levered himself up so that he was looking directly at Ludo. “I signed up to love you and support you. I never expected to be in a position to do that by doing this”, he waved a hand, “lying in bed with you, waiting for the patter of not so tiny feet indicating the boys were up, and I will do everything in my power to make it continue. Right.”

“Right”, Ludo gave a feeble grin. “Thanks. I can’t imagine doing this without you and I want to be able to do this without everything else.”

“All the ‘Jackie stuff’ you mean?”

“Yeah. I feel such a tit.”

“Look, let’s go downstairs and make a coffee. I don’t think either of us is going to sleep.”

Whilst Arthur made coffee, Ludo explained. “Whichever way you cut it, I am, to a certain extent the idiot that the newspapers make me out to be.” Arthur made a rumbling noise but did not interrupt. “I didn’t notice that she was planning the project.” Ludo held up his hand, “Oh, I know that I could not be expected to know about her work. But she was planning to leave, probably with Damian. She was planning to frame me. How could I not know any of that?”

“How could she not know you had started seeing me, and that the relationship meant something to you, to us? You said yourself, the comment threw her.”

Ludo sighed, “Touché! We’d drifted further apart than we knew or wanted to admit. A nice little façade for Damien.”

“Which he knew was false.”

“Yeah. Great parents we are.”

Arthur took Ludo’s hands, “No worse than many others. Just trying to get by, coping with things they don’t include in the handbook.”

“Shit. There’s a handbook?”

The two grinned and kissed. When the boys came downstairs it was to find their Fathers comfortably looking out the kitchen window, chatting about improvements to the garden. Both boys were subdued. Damien hadn’t woken his Father with a nightmare, but he’d crept into Adam’s bed during the night.

It was Arthur who volunteered to brave the press posse to go to the newsagents. They joked again about him running down one of the journalists, but he simply drove through them. Ludo heard the raised voices from the house, not so much questions as demands, the right to know everything. He wondered when they’d get bored and go.

They refrained from buying every morning paper possible, and stuck to The Guardian, where there was a summary article plus a box trailing the forthcoming interview and a photo.

“Makes us almost look like a normal family!”

The two men smiled, but the boys were tickled to have their photo in the paper, even allowing for the circumstances. A quick Google brought a selection of headlines that suggested someone, a parent at school or something had talked to reporters.

“Could be worse I suppose.”

“At least there’s no exclusive, neighbour reveals all about three-in-a-bed orgies!”

Arthur smiled, “I wish!”

“Gordy or Graham Marcus?”

Arthur looked startled, “Or both?”

Ludo laughed, “I wonder how that would go down?”

Neither said anything more, but each was aware that the suggestion had not been dismissed, just parked, pro tem. Lesley messaged and they ended up meeting in the afternoon at The Garden. There was a coffee cart that parked itself in the entrance and Lesley’s first greeting had been ‘I’ve bought supplies’. She produced a bag of pastries from the baker’s. The boys were delighted. Dot was off to a conference, so Lesley was restless.

“I’ve now read every newspaper from cover to cover.”

“And are now brain dead.”

“You bet. But I know all about you, with the promise of more to come in the Sundays.”

“And?”

She shook her head, “All I can say is, you’ve got some lovely neighbours.” They stared at her, unsure whether she was joking or not. “Truthfully. Most seem to have clammed up, quite rightly, or said something nice. The couple that did open their mouths, well boy do they lack imagination, I could invent better.”

“Perhaps they will. That’s what we’re worried about.”

She wrinkled her nose, “Well, so far it’s all pretty anodyne”, she stared at Ludo, “Though you do come over as a bit of a drip”.

“Thanks!”

She looked over her glasses at them, “Whilst the red tops are obsessing about your sex life, without much substance I might add, there’s also a bit of creative imagination in asking questions about your and Jackie’s relationship.”

“Questions?”

She raised an eyebrow, “Yeah. Good way to say something without saying it, if you see what I mean. There’s definitely a bit of ‘no smoke without fire’, you know, either he’s a drip or was conniving?”

“Shit. We knew it was inevitable, but it still freaks me out just to think about it. Wait till those photos hit the papers.”

“Will they?”

Arthur nodded fiercely, “Bound to at some point. Even if the SFO doesn’t release them, everything leaks eventually. You reckon anything was libellous?”

Lesley pulled a face, “Don’t think so. Some bits skirted it perhaps, as I said, it’s mainly about asking questions.”

“Creative filling in of the gaps.”

“Yeah. But might be worth getting your solicitor to get someone to read through the lot”, Lesley laughed. “Best of luck with that. Anyroad, how was the interview?”

They brought her up to date and Arthur just happened to have the relevant page of the Guardian. They went over to collect the boys, who seemed to have found Alessio. The young man had squatted down to talk to them, and then after checking with Arthur and Ludo, took them off to see an unusual plant that was now in fruit.

Lesley’s eyes were as round as could be, “That wasn’t my imagination, was it? Did you see what I saw?”

Arthur smiled, “Yep. Gordy said that Alessio was a bit of a tease.”

“A bit of a tease, that boy had everything on display down there!”

Alessio had not been wearing anything under his overall and his squatting position had given them a very good view.

“Still, I’ll say this for the boy, everything looked in excellent shape and good working order.”

“And you know about these things?”

Lesley smiled, “Well, it’s been a bit of a time, but it’s like riding a bicycle, you never forget. What about Adam and Damian?” The men looked at her, puzzled, she tutted in mock exasperation, “I mean if they’ve seen the goods...”

Ludo laughed and said that he’d probably get the third degree about it tonight, going on to explain that Damian had a fascination with men’s dicks and their body hair, that of course brought up the story of his first encounter with Gordy.

“Are you sure the guy’s on the level, he’s not a perv?”

“No. He’s a nice guy, and from what we gather Alessio has been teasing him unmercifully, sort of look but don’t touch.”

“Gordy likes them older than Damian or Adam, twenty-something Latin men it seems. But he is free spirited and such, and he gets a rise out of being naked.”

“And being seen like that.”

“And he shaves everything off, I thought only porn stars did that sort of thing?”

Arthur wobbled his head, “Perhaps he has a side-line in porn?” And the three broke into laughter.

“Gordy came round last night, just to offer friendly support.”

“And a bottle of single malt.”

They grinned at Lesley, “So, we had a chat. I think that he’s a bit sweet on young Alessio.”

Lesley nodded, “Who’s just one big tease, I’ll be bound. It’ll end in tears.”

They walked home slowly and passed the fish and chip shop or rather the end of the road where it was. There were people queuing, the boys were curious. The upshot was fish and chips eaten in their garden. A lovely casual end to the day.