Seaside Entries - 10. We have to go

It's funny how things can change in just one day. It was even funnier how, on the surface, everything seemed the same. I sat on my bed, watching the sun rise above the hills to the east, observing the early risers in the streets below. I resented them, going about their way as if everything was still alright, because nothing was.

My mind kept drifting back to yesterday. Leo's voice as he told me he was done, the look in his eyes… I'd never seen him that angry, that disappointed, at least not at me. The sick feeling in the pit of my stomach was still there, as if someone had ripped it open and left a gaping hole. I'd never say it out loud, but I was scared. What if we were actually done? What if we didn't manage to work it out?

I couldn't let that happen.

The knock on my door shook me out of my thoughts. I dropped the book I was trying to read and looked up, already knowing who to expect.

“Since when do you read?” mom asked, immediately zeroing in on what lay beside me, a paperback with a battered ship cutting through waves on the cover.

“What? I read.” I shrugged unconvincingly as I lifted myself out of bed.

“Alright, just asking!” Mom raised her hands in defense. “I didn't think you'd be up so early. What do you want for breakfast?” Even though part of me wanted to ignore her, I was actually glad she was there. Anything to help me keep my mind off Leo, at least for a little while.

“You do know I get up early for work?” I reminded her as we walked down the stairs. “I'm not really hungry. I'll just have some fruit or something.”

“Is that what you eat every day? I'm surprised you're not skin and bone. Come on, dad's up too. He's made coffee. I'll see what's in the fridge. Luckily I went shopping yesterday.”

Dad was already at the dining table, having his morning coffee.

“There he is! Come on, food's getting cold,” he pointed at the toast and coffee on the table. Mom went straight for the fridge and started taking out everything she could get her hands on.

“As if that's going to be enough. He needs a proper meal,” she decided. “Come on, sit down. You've got time to eat before work?”

“Yeah. I'm working the second shift today,” I said, picking apart a piece of toast in my hand. I had no appetite.

“That's good, then. You can come with us down to the center. We need to go shopping,” mom said, finally sitting down with us.

“Shopping for what?”

“Clothes for the wedding. We don't have anything to wear. Well, I don't at least. I'm sure your dad would go wearing that,” mom gestured towards dad's plain gray shirt.

“Wait, what wedding?” I felt completely out of the loop.

“The Lowell girl is getting married. They invited us, it's next Saturday,” dad explained. “I thought your mom told you about it.”

“I thought you did!” Mom's voice went an octave higher.

“Come on, when do I talk to him about stuff like that? You've been going on about the wedding for weeks.”

Of course, everything made sense now. This is why they decided to come at this time—for the wedding. Why did I ever think they came because they missed me? Oh well, it didn't matter anyway. The sooner they're gone, the better.

“Yeah, I can't. I promised a friend I'd help him with something before work,” I said as I pushed my chair away and got up, leaving my toast half-eaten. “I gotta go.”

“We can go tomorrow… Or the day after,” mom called out, but I was on my way up the stairs.

“Nah, you go without me.”

I didn't even bother changing. I just grabbed what I needed from my room and headed out.

~~

“Hey, what's up?”

I heard Fabian’s voice before I even saw him enter. I'd left the shop door open after Penelope left, just to let the breeze in. Now there was a lull in customers, I took the chance to work on my figurines. I'd already sorted out everything in the shop and cleaned the floors, so I desperately needed something else to distract me.

Fabian came in and put a plastic bag on the counter. By the smell, I could tell he brought food.

“Just some sandwiches,” he said as he opened the bag and took one out for himself, then pushed the other towards me. “Have you eaten already?”

“Thanks. I have, but I could use a sandwich. I'm hungry already,” I put down my tools and started unwrapping the food. It was still warm, and I was basically drooling.

“What's that? You making something new?”

“Yeah,” I nodded mid-bite. “A parrot.”

“Oh, cool,” Fabian paused to take a look at it, then smiled. “Looks really good. Love the big beak.”

“Thanks. By the way, I finished the red panda you wanted,” I remembered, then opened the drawer and pulled out one of my latest figurines. Fabian took it excitedly, turning it over in his hand and admiring it from all angles.

“This is so cool. Paloma’s gonna love me when I give her this.”

“I thought it was for Luisa?”

“No, her little sister. She loves red pandas. I'll be her favorite cousin now.”

“You can tell her you made it.”

“Hah, as if she'd believe that. Also, Luisa would definitely expose me if I tried that,” Fabian chuckled.

“Is she still here? Still evading Jay?”

“I have no clue,” he shrugged, sitting down on a stool I kept nearby. “She was telling me the other day how weird Jay seemed, but then yesterday she went out with him.”

“So his persistence paid off? He wore her down, huh?”

“I don't know. Maybe she was just bored.”

“She could do worse than Jay,” I said, and I meant it. We all made fun of one another, but in truth, Jay was a cool guy. A good friend even with all his flaws. But who doesn't have those?

“Yeah, I guess. It's so weird, though… My cousin and my friend.”

“Weird? Yeah…” I nodded, unable to say what I wanted to say. How would he feel if he knew two of his friends were dating? Would he find it weird too? Although, I guess Leo and I weren't actually dating. I didn't even know what we were anymore.

“What's up with you, man?” his voice jolted me from my thoughts. I jerked in my seat, scared for a second that I'd said all of that out loud.

“Nothing, why?” I shrugged, but I knew very well I was a lousy actor.

“You seem kinda off today. Everything alright? Let me guess, your folks are on your case again?”

“That was an easy guess. It's always the same shit with them.”

“Sorry, man. What do they even do here? I'm surprised they're not bored.”

“They went shopping for clothes today. They're going to Cindy Lowell’s wedding next weekend,” I explained. “You didn't think they came all the way here to see me, did you?”

I must’ve sounded way more bitter than I meant to because Fabian gave me a look like I was a sick little kid in a hospital bed.

“I'm sure they came because they wanted to see you too. I mean, they're not closer to the Lowells than to you, right?”

“Meh, they can do whatever they want.” I wasn't going to lose any sleep over them. If they wanted, they could pack their bags and go back to London tomorrow. I sure as hell wasn't going to stop them.

It was starting to get dark when Fabian left, but I stayed behind even after I closed the shop. Going back home felt like a chore I wanted to delay as much as possible, but I also couldn't rest until I finished what I'd started. With all the lights still on, I took out my tools and my little parrot figurine and got to work. It had to be perfect. Every color, every little detail. Its long tail, crooked black beak, blue and yellow feathers… With every section I finished, I could practically feel the bird coming to life in my hands. When it was finally done, I felt so proud of the end result. Still, I couldn't shake this feeling of uneasiness. I left the bird to dry before I started to doubt myself and left the shop.

It was nearly midnight when I got home. I was expecting mom and dad to be asleep, but they were still in the living room, watching TV. Mom got up off the couch as soon as she heard me come in, making a beeline for me.

“I've got something to show you,” she said, all chipper. Knowing she was the type of person to get excited over anything, I knew better than to get my hopes up. “Come with me.”

“Let the kid breathe, he just came in,” dad called out. “It's not like the suit’s going anywhere.”

“Pete! That was a surprise!” Mom fixed him with a glare that could melt rock.

“It's a suit.” Dad wasn't bothered. “Not like we bought him a new car.”

“Ugh, watch your movie.” She turned back to me and grabbed me by the arm. “Come on, let me show you.”

She rushed me into my room, showing me a new outfit laid out on my bed. It was a suit alright. One of those fancy ones you might see in a magazine or in those boutiques downtown that people never seem to actually visit. It was nice, I guess. The color of sand, with a white shirt to match. I just didn't know what I'd do with it. I've never worn one in my life.

“What's this for?”

“What do you mean, what's it for?” Mom ran a hand over one of the sleeves, as if dusting off invisible crumbs. “The wedding!”

“The wedding? You want me to go with you?”

“Of course!” she said it so matter-of-factly. “Are you not coming with us?”

I shook my head and let out a sigh. Don't you need to be invited to go to a wedding? And even if I was, why would I go? I couldn't imagine a worse way to spend an afternoon.

“I hardly even know the people.”

“They were there when dad and I got married. We have to go.”

“Well, then you and dad should go.” What did I have to do with them being at a wedding over twenty years ago? I wasn’t even born then.

“Come on, sweetheart. Let's go as a family and have fun. Shouldn't we do more stuff together while we're here?”

Mom reached out and took my hand. It was her famous move when she would try to guilt-trip me. Or was there a chance she was being sincere this time? I looked past her, trying to come up with an answer. An excuse. Something. Deep down—like, really deep down—I felt bad they'd probably spent a lot of money on that suit. Maybe… One afternoon wouldn't be too much to ask?

“And besides, your dad is right. There's going to be a lot of young people there. A lot of girls. Who knows who you could meet? Especially looking so handsome in that outfit.”

I dropped her hand like a hot potato.

“OK, no, mom. I'm not going.” I turned away, moving to my closet. I grabbed the first towel I could find. “I gotta go shower, and then I’m going to bed. I'm really tired.”

“Ugh, what am I going to do with you?” mom grumbled as she left my room. I knew this wasn't the last of it. Not by a long shot.

I picked up the suit from the bed and flung it over my chair before going to the bathroom.

Even though my body felt much better after a nice, cold shower, my mind was still buzzing as if I'd had ten energy drinks. I couldn't relax enough to even close my eyes, let alone fall asleep. Finally giving up on that idea, I turned over and grabbed my phone off the nightstand. My finger automatically flew to the Instagram icon. Maybe some doom-scrolling would put me to sleep.

“What the…”

All of a sudden, I felt more awake than ever. I wasn't just seeing things—my heartbeat kicked up almost immediately.

There he was in a new selfie, looking so damn handsome. That slightly awkward smile, the fresh haircut, the sharp outfit… I read the caption again, just to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.

I lifted myself up with a grunt and walked over to the chair by my desk. I stared at the suit I’d thrown over the back of it, as if waiting for it to start talking to me. It didn’t.

Finally, I peeled off my t-shirt, grabbed the suit and stepped over to the mirror by the closet. I flicked on the lamp.

“Fuck it. This better fit.”