Seaside Entries - 7. On the edge of a cliff

It was one of those days when you feel like you've made one small decision and suddenly your whole world has flipped upside down. When you want to turn back time before that moment and do things differently so everything could go back the way it was.

Just a week ago, this would’ve been another ordinary day. A hot afternoon at the beach after my shift at the shop, surfing with Jay, then grabbing some food. But now? All I could think about was Leo. His face was stuck in my brain, his voice looping in my ears like the same song playing on repeat. If only I hadn’t kissed him that day.

It’s been two days since then and we still haven’t seen each other. Just a few texts. I didn’t know what to tell him. I still don’t. What bugged me the most was that he didn’t even seem to be struggling with any of this. I’m sure if we talked he’d tell me I was overthinking it. But actually he’s the one who’s underthinking it.

Even worse—I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. There is no way I’d tell Fabian or Jay that I kissed a guy, let alone that the guy was Leo. The thought did cross my mind a couple of times—I guess I am that desperate—but I still couldn’t bring myself to do it. What would they even say?

“Dude, are you even watching?!”

I looked up as Jay’s loud voice snapped me out of it, dragging me back to reality. He was already dismounting his surfboard and walking towards me, water dripping off his body.

“No, I was sleeping. Of course I was watching!”

“Didn’t look that way to me.” He wasn’t convinced at all. “Who were you thinking of, huh? Do I know her?”

Yes, you know him. It’s Leo.

“Yeah, she’s the sister of your imaginary girlfriend.” I grabbed a fistful of sand and threw it at Jay, making him jump to the side.

“So funny, dude. Seriously, who is she?”

“There is no ‘she’! Are you high or what?”

We were both getting annoyed at each other now. I picked myself up off the sand and grabbed my board, heading for the water. The conversation was over.

“OK, if you don’t wanna tell me, whatever.” Jay threw himself down on the towel. “Let’s see you have a go then.”

There was no one else on this part of the beach but us. I paddled into the warm water, ignoring Jay’s remark. I looked up, waiting for the right wave to come. Luckily, I didn’t have to wait for long. The sea was on my side that day, and I was soon up on my feet, balancing on the board as I cut through the water, weaving around as I’d done a million times before. It never gets old, though—that feeling of riding the waves, like you’re one with the sea. At moments like those, nothing else matters.

As I paddled back towards the shore, I could see Jay standing up, filming me on his phone.

“That was a good one, man!”

“Yeah, best wave I had today,” I wiped my face, moving the wet hair out of my eyes. I sat down next to Jay, grabbing my water bottle.

“You free tomorrow?” he asked. “Fabian and I have the day off. We could all go out. I’ll call Leo to check, I think he’s also free.”

Leo’s going to be there too? I kept chugging water, giving myself time to come up with an excuse. I couldn’t see Leo so soon, at least not with other people around. If I was going to talk to him, it had to be in private.

“Not sure. I think Penelope said something about needing me to cover her shift tomorrow. I’ll get back to you.” It was the first thing I could think of. Not my proudest moment, but it was for the best this time. I needed space.

“Sure, no worries.” Jay accepted it. “I sent you the vid.”

“Thanks.” I forced a smile, then reached for my phone. Aside from Jay’s video, there was a missed call and a couple of new messages. All from mom.

“Just to remind you we’re coming in 2 weeks. Hope you’ve cleaned the house”

“Call me when you see this”

I flopped down onto my back, letting my head hit the sand. Jay laughed out loud.

“What’s the matter? Bad news?”

“It’s my folks. They’re coming in two weeks.” I let out a tired sigh.

“Oh,” he nodded in understanding. He knew my parents well. “At least they don’t live here like mine.”

“You get along with your mom and dad, don’t you?”

“Yeah, but you know… I could use a break every now and then. Sometimes they treat me like I’m still a kid.” Jay rolled his eyes. I could definitely relate to that.

“No wonder you couldn’t wait to move out, hah! How’s your brother coping then?”

“Counting the days till college. He can’t wait to go.” He shook his head, chuckling. “So how long are your folks staying?”

“Until mid-August.”

“That’s not so bad then. You can put up with them for a few weeks.”

“Well, I don’t have a choice.”

I closed my eyes, breathing in the warm sea air. It’s only two weeks, I can manage that. I hope so.

~~

Sometimes things just go wrong. Other times, you’ve got no one to blame but yourself. This time it was the latter. I spent the entire day yesterday pacing around the house, trying to clean and make it as presentable as possible for when mom and dad arrive. Not that I’m a messy guy; I keep things fairly tidy and clean. Well, other than my bedroom.

Since I told Jay I’d be working, I couldn’t go out with the guys, so I was doing whatever I could to get my mind off of Leo. It worked… for a while. I did get most of the house in order, but my eyes kept going to my phone whenever I walked past it. No texts. No missed calls. Was he not thinking of me? Were the three of them having fun without me? Of course they were, why wouldn’t they? They’re not going to be sitting around and moping just because I’m not there.

In the end, I was so exhausted I passed out early. I slept like shit, waking up several times throughout the night. Somehow, I still woke up early the next morning and got ready for my shift. But now, eight hours later, I was finally going to do it.

I didn’t feel ready at all, though. I still had no idea what I was going to say to Leo when I saw him, but I couldn’t put it off any longer. It was stupid and ridiculous. It’s not like Leo was my first crush, so why the hell was I acting like this?

After a quick goodbye to Penelope, I headed straight for the Sandy Spoon. I was a man on a mission. The day was strangely hot, and the road to the restaurant seemed longer than ever, but after about twenty minutes, I was finally there. I found a table outside and sat, hoping to surprise Leo, but it was the other way around. I practically jumped out of my seat when I felt a hand on my shoulder—my heart almost leapt out of my chest.

“Well, well. Look who decided to show up!”

He appeared as if out of nowhere.

Even though I felt a million things at once, I could feel my lips spreading into a smile when I saw the amused smirk on his face. He looked good even in his work uniform, his face all red from the heat of the kitchen.

“Hey, did you miss me?” I had no better opening line, so I decided to tease him a little.

“You know it. I was just thinking how business has been slow today and we need more customers. It’s like you read my mind,” he said, his eyes twinkling at me. “So, what’s up? You look like you’ve got something on your mind.”

“Uh, a lot. I wanted to talk to you… alone?”

“Well, my shift ends in half an hour. Wanna wait?”

“Sure,” I nodded. I wasn’t going to go home now.

“Great. I’ll get you something to eat while you wait,” Leo said before going back inside, returning quickly with some grilled fish and veggies.

Although the food was delicious, it was the longest thirty minutes of my life. With every bite I found myself looking up towards the door, waiting to see him walk out, willing the time to move faster. Even so, when he finally showed up again, I realized I still hadn’t come up with what I was going to say to him. The things I wanted to do and the things I thought were possible seemed to have very little overlap.

I ended up following Leo up to the roof, hoping that somehow he would have all the answers.

“So, what have you been doing?” he asked, breaking the ice. Was it just me or was he standing far too close? I could feel the heat coming off of him, the smell of the restaurant still clinging to his skin.

“You know, working… Doing some stuff around the house. My folks are coming in two weeks,” I replied, casting glances at him but firmly avoiding his gaze. I felt like if I looked him directly in the eyes, he’d trap me and it would be all over.

“Right, you said they’d be coming. You must be thrilled.”

“Yeah, ecstatic,” I deadpanned.

“And have you been thinking about, you know… what happened the other day?” Leo asked. As I glanced at him, I couldn’t help but notice him biting his cheek.

“Are you kidding me?” I scoffed. “I could barely think about anything else.”

Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, but my mouth was faster than my brain. Leo laughed, but not in a mean way.

“Same here,” he was quick to respond. It was a relief to hear him say that—I didn’t feel as embarrassed anymore. “It was… it was good, right?”

What kind of a question was that? The kiss with Leo was… It was a lot of things. Unexpected, crazy, good, scary, wild, hot, amazing. I could still feel the warmth of his fingers on my face, his heart beating as I pressed my hand against his chest. It was one of those things you never thought would happen, but once it does, it feels like a whole new world has opened up to you.

“Earth to Noah? It was that good it left you speechless, huh?”

It was my turn to laugh. I finally got the courage to look up and face him, his curious eyes on mine. He was waiting for me to say something.

“It was… yeah.” I started to speak, my eyes lingering on his face. As I looked at his lips, it was as if I could feel them on mine all over again. It was all I could do not to pull him closer and kiss him right there. “OK, be honest—am I making too big of a deal out of this? Are you freaking out at all, or is it just me?” I blurted out, like a man desperate for answers. I had to know what he was thinking.

“Well, not going to lie, I was freaking out that day at the beach. Right before we kissed, I was kinda shitting my pants,” he admitted through a chuckle. “But now that we’ve done it, and it’s obvious we both want it… I feel like there’s no reason to freak out. I mean, there’s nothing stopping us, right?”

There were a million things stopping us. At least in my mind there were. I wouldn’t necessarily be able to name them, but I’m sure they existed.

“But what if we fuck it up somehow, and it’s all over? Then we’re not even friends anymore.”

“OK, but… what if we have a fight as friends and stop talking to each other?”

“Oh, come on. You know that’s not the same.”

“Dude, we both know I’m right,” Leo gave me his ‘cut the crap’ look. “People fight all the time, friends or lovers. How many friends have you had arguments with?”

Quite a few. Most of them probably.

“Look, I see your point, man,” he spoke again. “I get it. You don’t want to ruin our friendship. But maybe we won’t. Maybe everything will be fine. Why be afraid of something that might never happen? Come on, you can’t tell me I’m wrong about this.”

I could, but that would be a lie.

“Yeah, I know. You’re right,” I said reluctantly.

“Of course I’m right,” Leo nodded, smiling. “I know you’re scared, but how about this—why don’t we do a trial run first?”

“A trial run?”

“Yeah, just to see if it works for us. But I see no reason why it wouldn’t. I mean, look at us, we’re great together. We deserve to give this a try, don’t you think?”

It was annoying to admit, but he made a good point. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn’t need him to convince me after all. Somehow, my mind was already made up even if I didn’t realize it at first. When he stepped closer and put his arms around my waist, I didn’t resist at all.

“Besides, we both know we’re not just friends anymore, don’t we?” he asked.

In all the years I’ve known him, I’ve never heard his voice sound so sexy. It matched the irresistible smirk on his face and that sultry look in his eyes as he waited for me to answer.

I never did—I just wrapped my arms around him, gripping him like we were standing on the edge of a cliff, unknown depths waiting for us down below. I closed my eyes and leaned in, a surge of energy rushing through me as I finally felt his lips on mine again.

I was ready to jump.