Inanimate Objects Understood - 4. Chapter 4 - Miss Plumb Hammer

Miss Plumb had always considered herself a sensible hammer.

She believed in keeping her handle polished, her hammerhead clean, and her opinions to herself—unless somebody desperately needed to hear them.

Unfortunately, she had fallen in love with Stanley.

And Stanley had opinions about everything.

“Miss Plumb!” Stanley called from across Walter Briggs's workshop. “Would you come over here for a minute?”

Miss Plumb looked up from where she was resting beside Dolly the moving dolly.

“What have you done now, Stanley?”

“Nothing!”

“That was awfully quick.”

“I haven't done anything!”

“Yet,” Larry the Ladder announced from his usual position against the wall.

Stanley turned toward him. “Larry, would you mind staying out of my business?”

“Certainly,” Larry replied. “Which business would that be?”

“The business between me and Miss Plumb!”

“Oh!” Larry straightened proudly. “Romantic business!”

Dolly groaned.

“Larry, you're going to ruin something.”

“I haven't ruined anything!”

“Yet,” Miss Plumb replied.

Everyone laughed except Stanley.

He had been planning something special for several days, and the last thing he needed was a six-foot ladder announcing it to the entire workshop.

Stanley waited until Larry became distracted by Allen the Allen wrench.

Then he whispered, “Miss Plumb, would you come over here? Please?”

She approached him.

“Stanley, why are you acting so nervous?”

“Because there's something I've been wanting to ask you.”

Miss Plumb studied him.

“Are you broken?”

“No!”

“Did Walter drop you?”

“No!”

“Did Larry talk you into something?”

“Absolutely not!”

“Then what is it?”

Stanley took a deep breath.

“Miss Plumb, ever since you came into this workshop, you've made my life happier. You're beautiful, you're smart, and you're the only hammer I know who can make me forget what I was going to say.”

“That isn't difficult,” Larry whispered.

“LARRY!”

“Sorry!”

Stanley turned back to Miss Plumb.

“I love you, Miss Plumb. And I want to spend the rest of my hammering days with you.”

He carefully revealed a tiny ring he had fashioned from a shiny metal washer.

“Miss Plumb, will you marry me?”

For once, the workshop became completely silent.

Miss Plumb stared at the little ring.

Then she looked at Stanley.

“Oh, Stanley!”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes!”

“YES?”

“YES, YOU SILLY HAMMER!”

Stanley nearly fell off the workbench.

Larry shouted, “WE'RE HAVING ANOTHER WEDDING!”

From the far corner, Grandpa the Sledgehammer let out a tremendous laugh.

“WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME THAT GRANDSON OF MINE SETTLED DOWN!”

“Grandpa!” Stanley protested.

“What? You want me to pretend I didn't hear you?”

Miss Plumb giggled.

Grandpa continued, “Miss Plumb, you're getting a good hammer. He might need straightening out occasionally, but he's got a good head on his shoulders.”

“Thank you, Grandpa.”

“AND STANLEY!”

“Yes, Grandpa?”

“DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE AND REMIND YOU HOW TO TREAT YOUR WIFE!”

Larry whispered, “I think Grandpa just volunteered for marriage counseling.”

The workshop erupted in laughter.

A Wish for the Wedding

After the laughter died down, Stanley settled beside Miss Plumb while Grandpa the Sledgehammer rested nearby.

Mutt and Jeff, the two tape measures, had been listening to the excitement.

“Stanley,” Mutt said, “have you thought about who you want at your wedding?”

“Well, everybody here, of course!” Stanley replied.

“Everybody?” Jeff asked.

“Absolutely everybody!”

Stanley paused.

“Well, almost everybody.”

Miss Plumb noticed the change in his voice.

“What's wrong, sweetheart?”

Stanley looked toward Grandpa.

“I was just thinking how wonderful it would be if my mother and father could come to our wedding.”

Grandpa became very still.

Miss Plumb moved closer to Stanley.

“Oh, darling.”

“I've never even met them,” Stanley continued. “Grandpa raised me. He's been my whole family for as long as I can remember.”

Mutt looked at Jeff.

“Stanley, do you know what happened to your parents?”

Stanley shook his hammerhead.

“No. Grandpa never really talked about them.”

Grandpa lowered his heavy head.

He remembered his son.

He remembered his daughter-in-law.

He remembered the day they had been separated, and how young Stanley had been when Grandpa took responsibility for raising him.

He could still picture the three of them together.

His son had been a handsome, hardworking hammer, and his daughter-in-law had been a beautiful little hammer with a gentle disposition.

They had loved Stanley dearly.

But life in the world of tools could change without warning. One day, a toolbox might be carried away, a workshop emptied, or a collection of tools sold to someone else.

And families could be separated without ever knowing where their loved ones had gone.

Grandpa had never told Stanley everything because he hadn't wanted to fill the little hammer's childhood with sadness.

Now, looking at his grown grandson, Grandpa wondered whether keeping silent had been the right decision.

“Grandpa?” Stanley asked.

Grandpa looked up.

“Yes, grandson?”

“Do you think they're still out there somewhere?”

For several moments, Grandpa didn't answer.

Then he said quietly, “I surely hope so, Stanley.”

Miss Plumb gently touched Stanley's handle.

“Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could find them before our wedding?”

“It would be the greatest wedding present anybody could ever give me,” Stanley replied.

Jeff extended his measuring tape a few inches.

“Well, we ought to start looking!”

Mutt nodded.

“That's right! There must be some way to find them.”

Larry, who had been listening from across the workshop, spoke up.

“I could help!”

Stanley turned toward him.

“How?”

“I could stand somewhere high and look for them!”

“Larry, you're a ladder!”

“Exactly! I have an excellent view!”

Jeff groaned.

“Larry, you can't see through walls!”

“Well, not with THAT attitude!”

Everyone laughed, but Grandpa remained unusually quiet.

He was thinking about his son and daughter-in-law.

And hoping that somewhere, somehow, they might find their way back to Stanley.

An Unexpected Advertisement

The following morning, Walter Briggs sat at his kitchen table with a cup of coffee and the local newspaper.

He turned to the classified advertisements.

One particular notice caught his attention.

ESTATE SALE — LARGE ASSORTMENT OF TOOLS. HAND TOOLS, POWER TOOLS, TOOLBOXES, AND WORKSHOP EQUIPMENT. EVERYTHING MUST GO.

Walter leaned forward.

“Well, now. That sounds interesting.”

He checked the address.

“Not too far from here, either.”

After finishing his coffee, Walter grabbed his keys.

“Might as well see what they've got.”

A short time later, he arrived at the estate sale.

Tables were covered with tools of every description.

There were wrenches, pliers, screwdrivers, saws, and several old toolboxes.

Walter wandered from table to table, examining the merchandise.

Then he noticed two hammers lying together near the back of one table.

One was a sturdy, well-used hammer with a strong handle.

The other was slightly smaller, with a beautifully shaped hammerhead and a handle that showed years of careful use.

Walter picked up the larger hammer.

“Well, you're still in pretty good shape.”

He tested its weight.

“Nice balance, too.”

Then he picked up the smaller hammer.

“And you're a good one yourself.”

He looked at the prices.

“Well, for what they're asking, I might as well take both of you.”

Walter paid for the two hammers and carried them to his truck.

Neither hammer made a sound.

But if Walter could have heard them, he might have been surprised by their conversation.

“Where do you suppose we're going?” the smaller hammer asked.

“I don't know, sweetheart,” her husband replied. “But at least we're going together.”

“I hope it's a nice workshop.”

“So do I.”

She sighed.

“I still think about our little Stanley.”

Her husband grew quiet.

“So do I, darling. Every single day.”

“Do you suppose he's grown up?”

“He must have by now.”

“Oh, how I wish we could see him again.”

Her husband gently touched her handle.

“Maybe someday, sweetheart.”

Neither of them knew just how close that someday was.

Two New Arrivals

When Walter returned home, he carried the hammers into his workshop.

He opened a toolbox and placed them carefully inside.

“There you go. I'll clean you two up later.”

He closed the toolbox, put away his purchases, and headed back toward the house.

As soon as the workshop door shut, the smaller hammer spoke.

“Well, this seems like a nice place.”

Her husband agreed.

“Plenty of tools around.”

From across the workshop, Larry heard unfamiliar voices.

“HELLO?”

The two hammers startled.

“Who's there?” the larger hammer called.

“Larry the Ladder! Welcome to Walter Briggs's workshop!”

The smaller hammer laughed.

“Well, that's certainly a friendly greeting!”

Mutt and Jeff hurried over.

“New tools!” Mutt announced.

“Welcome!” Jeff added.

Stanley and Miss Plumb approached the toolbox.

“Hello, in there!” Stanley called. “I'm Stanley!”

Inside the toolbox, the two hammers froze.

The smaller hammer slowly turned toward her husband.

“Did he say Stanley?”

Her husband stared toward the opening.

“He certainly did.”

The smaller hammer called out.

“Excuse me, young man. Did you say your name was Stanley?”

“Yes, ma'am.”

“Stanley what?”

“Stanley the Hammer. Stanley Briggs.”

The larger hammer nearly lost his balance.

“BRIGGS?”

“Yes, sir.”

The smaller hammer's voice began trembling.

“Stanley, sweetheart, were you raised by your grandfather?”

Stanley stared at the toolbox.

“Yes, ma'am. How did you know?”

Her husband spoke next.

“Is your grandfather a sledgehammer?”

Stanley took a step backward.

“Yes!”

The smaller hammer gasped.

“Oh, my goodness!”

Stanley looked from one hammer to the other.

“Who ARE you?”

Before either could answer, a deep voice came from behind him.

“SON?”

Everyone turned.

Grandpa the Sledgehammer was staring at the larger hammer in the toolbox.

For the first time anyone could remember, Grandpa seemed unable to speak.

The larger hammer looked up.

“Dad?”

Grandpa's heavy hammerhead trembled.

“IS THAT REALLY YOU?”

“Dad! It's me!”

Grandpa moved toward the toolbox.

“MY BOY!”

The smaller hammer began crying.

“And Stanley! Oh, Stanley, my baby!”

Stanley stood motionless.

He looked at Grandpa.

Then at the two hammers.

Then back at Grandpa.

“Grandpa?”

Grandpa turned toward him.

“Stanley, grandson, these are your parents.”

Stanley's mouth fell open.

“My... my WHAT?”

“Your mother and father, son.”

For several seconds, Stanley couldn't move.

Then he looked at the smaller hammer.

“Mom?”

“Oh, Stanley!”

She hurried toward him.

“My precious little boy!”

Stanley rushed forward, and mother and son embraced for the first time in years.

His father joined them.

Grandpa watched, his heavy hammerhead lowered as he struggled with his emotions.

Miss Plumb stood beside Dolly, wiping tears from her eyes.

Mutt sniffled.

Jeff sniffled.

Even Larry was quiet.

For approximately three seconds.

“WELL, SOMEBODY SAY SOMETHING!”

“LARRY!” everyone shouted.

“What? I'm happy!”

A Family Together Again

Stanley couldn't stop looking at his parents.

“I can't believe you're really here!”

His mother smiled.

“Oh, sweetheart, we've wondered about you for so many years.”

His father looked toward Grandpa.

“Dad, thank you for taking care of our boy.”

Grandpa shook his heavy head.

“HE'S MY GRANDSON. THERE WAS NEVER ANY QUESTION ABOUT IT.”

Stanley looked at Grandpa.

“Why didn't you tell me more about them?”

Grandpa sighed.

“Because, grandson, I didn't know where they were. And I didn't want you growing up hoping every new hammer that came through the door might be your mother or father.”

Stanley was quiet for a moment.

Then he moved closer to Grandpa.

“You took good care of me.”

Grandpa smiled.

“I DID MY BEST.”

“You did better than that, Grandpa.”

Stanley hugged him.

“Thank you.”

Grandpa's voice softened.

“YOU'RE WELCOME, GRANDSON.”

Miss Plumb approached the family.

Stanley suddenly brightened.

“Oh! Mom! Dad! There's somebody I want you to meet!”

He reached for Miss Plumb.

“This is Miss Plumb. She's my girlfriend.”

Miss Plumb smiled shyly.

“It's very nice to meet you.”

Stanley grinned.

“And she's going to be my wife!”

His mother gasped.

“YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED?”

“Yes, Mom!”

“Oh, sweetheart!”

She hurried forward and embraced Miss Plumb.

“Welcome to the family, dear!”

“Thank you!” Miss Plumb replied happily.

Stanley's father looked proudly at his son.

“Well, look at you! All grown up and getting married!”

Stanley laughed.

“And I was just telling Grandpa how much I wished you could both be at my wedding!”

His mother looked at him.

“Oh, Stanley. We wouldn't miss it for the world.”

Larry cleared his throat.

“Speaking of weddings, I happen to be an experienced wedding arch!”

Stanley's father looked toward the ladder.

“An experienced WHAT?”

Larry straightened proudly.

“Wedding arch! I've already helped with wedding arrangements!”

Mutt whispered to Jeff, “Here we go again.”

Jeff whispered back, “He'll be telling them about it for the next six months.”

Grandpa laughed.

“WELL, LARRY, AT LEAST YOU'RE GOOD FOR SOMETHING!”

Larry gasped.

“GRANDPA!”

Everyone burst into laughter.

And as Stanley stood beside Miss Plumb, surrounded by his parents, his grandfather, and his friends, he realized that his greatest wedding wish had already come true.

His family was together again.

And this time, nobody intended to let them be separated.