Turbulence - 8. Chapter 8

It was his grandfather's idea that Daniel should attend camp. The elder Murrell believed that his grandson would benefit from the experience of being on his own for a bit and that his mother needed to have some time off from parenting. Daniel's first camp experience occurred when he was nine--his grandfather handled all the arrangements, which also included sending his mother off on a two week tour of Europe. Mr. Murrell took the boy shopping for equipment, steered him away from unnecessary and frivolous items, then 'helped' Daniel fill a brand new pack with all of the odds and ends the boy was assured he would need. Daniel's proudest acquisition was a fifteen-centimeter camping knife. His grandfather drilled him on its proper use and care. At first, the camp was bigger and more confusing than Daniel had expected and it took him a few days to learn his way around. But in time, every square acre of evergreen and birch forest became as familiar as his own neighborhood. Daniel became a denizen of his surroundings, the rambling collection of log cabins scattered across the lake shore held together by a dirt road that led up to a massive log hall. At dinner, Daniel would gaze around at the mementos of the camp's history. He was especially impressed with the two Birch bark canoes hung suspended from the rafters of the high beamed ceiling.

Daniel fell in love with canoes the first day they had been allowed to use them. After they passed their swimming tests, the counsellor took the boys down to the boat house and turned the experience into a game. He showed them how difficult it was to tip one over. The boys learned how to empty a submerged canoe, then reenter from the water. They divided up into four-boy teams and played 'wargames' in which they struggled to swamp each other's canoes. Later, Daniel learned the many ways to paddle and control his canoe. He also tried out the camp's other attractions that first year. The sailboats excited him, but he realized they could not transport him away from the camp and out into the rivers and streams of the surrounding wilderness. His first overnighter across the lake was an adventure he yearned to tell his school mates about. But it wasn't their thing, so ultimately camp became a separate part of his life. The second year, Daniel struggled with the idea of spending two weeks away from his dying grandfather. The old man insisted that the boy go and promised that he would be there when his grandson returned. True to his word, Daniel's grandfather found renewed strength while awaiting the boy's return. Daniel's stories helped to transform the remaining time they shared into some of the happiest moments of their lives.

Cabin Fever
Wednesday, June 30th

A steady drizzle lingered throughout the third day, but Giles insisted that regardless of the weather, they would be heading out in the morning. In preparation for their absence, the boys had the ritual of organizing the cabin down to a science. Giles let them start a fire in the fire place while he went out to chat with some of the other counselors. Most of the twelve boys in the cabin spent the evening chatting around the fire in the lounge area. Daniel was still getting a feel for his comrades. He had bunked with three of them the previous year or the year before. He got along fairly well with them and had kept in touch with two of them over the winter. Daniel lay on his bunk trying to compose a letter to Denver .

Denver,

He had tried a couple of salutations; 'Dear Denver', 'Dear Denver and Mark', 'Hey Denver'. They all sucked so he decided to keep it simple.

The weather has been bad since I got here. We take our first trip tomorrow. We will be gone for 4 days. My councilor is named Giles he's okay. It's too bad you aren't my councilor.

Daniel paused and read back what he had written. It was too lame for words, he'd have to burn it. He realized the best times with Denver were when they spoke their minds.

Dear Denver ,
It's hard to get in the mood to write letters here. I wanted to let you know I miss hanging out with you. How are things at the Brass Lantern? Has Karl changed anything? He's a good carpenter. The guys in my cabin are mostly cool but you don't really know what someone is like here until you are out canoeing. We go out tomorrow morning for four days. You should try it some time. It's a lot of fun. I'm going to go hang out with the dudes now. See you when I get back.

Daniel

He could hear the guys laughing in the other room and he wanted to join them. He slipped his anorak on and went out into the dark. The path to the mail box took him down the lane of scattered cabins set back amidst the pine trees. The rain made a steady patter on the carpet of needles beneath his feet. There were few lights to mark his way but Daniel walked with confidence. After he dropped the envelope in the box he detoured down to the lake. The walk along the shore was a well-worn and muddy path. His cabin was about 50 meters from the shore line. The falling raindrops on the lake created a soft roar that reminded Daniel of white water. The darkness wrapped around him and he paused to lift his face into the gentle rain. He loved the contrast of cold water on his face and the warmth of the fleece under the anorak. He didn't care about the rain--it was part of the pleasure of camping. Daniel gazed at the dark waters and turned back toward the cabin.

As he approached the back of the cabin he came upon Neil and Evan taking refuge under a tree. Like him, they had slipped away for a moment of quiet in the rain. Neil and Daniel had been in the same cabin the first year Daniel had come to camp. They tolerated each other but never really connected. This was Evan's first year. Evan had arrived with remarkably sensible gear for a rookie camper. In the way of things, the boys in his cabin were forming into little cliques. Daniel had worried about this his first two years--being liked and sought out by the others. He realized he didn't care so much this year. If the three boys who had known him had been asked, they might have said that they noticed he was quieter and less open.

"Hey," Daniel called out as he emerged from the shadows.

"Hey Daniel," Evan replied softly. The darkness and soft rain made a person feel quiet and relaxed. "It's gonna be wet out there."

"Sure, but we gotta get out of here before we go crazy." Daniel sensed he was interrupting a conversation so he told them he would see them later.

Back in the cabin, he removed his boots and shook his coat off at the door and flopped into one of the heavy chairs the boys had pulled up to the large stone fire place. For boys who were accustomed to the ultra modern gas fireplaces of the city, the large fieldstone hearth was an impressive sight to behold. Everyone fixated on the open flames as they talked, each drawn to the ever-changing glow of the embers.

Sweet William offered a joke. "What's green and hops from bed to bed?" Will had shown up the first day with a survival pack of candy.

"What?" Mustafa asked obligingly.

"A prostitoad!"

The group grunted its approval. There was a pause while they waited for the next morsel. When no one seemed inclined to do so, William served up another one.

"What do you get when you cross a leprechaun and a prostitute?" Nobody responded. "A little green fucker!"

That got him a couple of chuckles. Don spoke up.

"Why do girls have legs?" Someone asked why. "So they don't leave a snail trail when they move."

Daniel felt repelled by the joke.

"Not cool," someone else replied.

This led to an uncomfortable silence. Daniel took his turn.

"A tall Texan was drinking at a bar one day. After a few beers he had to go take a piss. He walked up to the urinal and started to piss. Just as he was getting going this midget came into the bathroom. He walked up to the urinal and the Texan saw that he was too short. The midget saw a box in the corner and brought it over next to the Texan. He climbed on the box and started to take a piss."

"Why was there a box in the bathroom?" someone interrupted.

"Jesus who cares?" another boy countered.

Daniel continued his story. "The Texan was just finishing up his piss and shaking off when he noticed the midget looking at his dick."

"Faggot."

"Shut up."

"The midget looked up at the Texan and said, 'gee Mister you have a really long dick.'" Daniel gave the midget a high voice. "The Texan was embarrassed but all he said was 'yep.'" Daniel gave his Texan a long drawl. "The midget looked down and then said, 'boy you have nice balls. Can I hold one of your balls mister?' The Texan wasn't sure he liked the idea but the midget pleaded with him so he let the midget hold one of his balls." Daniel held his hand up as if he was cupping a big ball. The other boys watched him patiently knowing there was a punch-line coming. "So they stood like that for a while until the midget said, I sure would like to hold your other ball mister. Well the Texan didn't like that any better but the little guy pleaded so much that he gave in. The moment the midget had his hands on both balls he looked up at the Texan and growled, 'Okay give me all your money or I jump.'"

The boys sat back in their chairs groaning.

"Did he get the money?"

"It's a fucking joke, who cares?"

The boys sat in companionable silence, gazing hypnotically into the fire until someone else thought up the next joke.

The measure of a man
Thursday, July 1st

Giles walked up to where Daniel was squatting against a pine eating crackers and a hunk of summer sausage. He knelt in the wet needles next to him, rain dripping off the brim of his cap.

"Daniel I'm switching you into the canoe with Neil and Evan."

Daniel lifted an eyebrow at the eighteen-year old but kept munching his trail lunch.

The counselor took a quick glance around before continuing. "Darcy isn't getting along with them and they aren't keeping up with the other canoes. . . Don't bother to shift your stuff."

Giles excused himself to pack up the remains of the lunch. At least that's one kid who doesn't whine and complain all the time.

Giles had finished his first year towards his Education degree and the first week with his campers had left him feeling less compassionate toward adolescents. He started the trip with Daniel in his canoe. The kid had a strong stroke and did not sulk about being alone with the adult while everyone else got to laugh and chatter amongst themselves. The boy had been quiet, so Giles left him to his thoughts. The two had made a connection when they fell behind to wait for the fifth canoe. Daniel calmly turned around in his place at the bow, tapped his paddle on the load to get the leader's attention, then pointed to a pair of deer down on the bank. Giles nodded back in silence and Daniel's eyes shined with bliss and a smile broke over his face. Giles watched him pause to gaze at the animals before returning to the slow rhythm of the stroke. A moment like that would be payback enough for all the crap he would have to take from the boys the rest of that day.

Someday, a kid will smile like that at me in a classroom, he thought.

Daniel shifted into the bow of Neil's canoe and Evan settled into the duffer spot just in front of the loads. Evan's inexperience and Neil and Darcy's feuding had set the tone for an unpleasant morning. Darcy made some unwarranted remarks as he got into Giles' canoe. This set everyone else on edge because it could make for a long trip if the bickering were to get out of control. Neil and Daniel remembered each other's strengths and kept their canoe in the lead during the afternoon.

"Thanks for switching canoes," Neil commented.

As if Daniel had a choice. . .

The first day was an easy trip downstream to get the boys into condition for the harder middle run across an open lake and up a slow river to a major portage. After that, the trip would ease off with downstream runs, light rapids and a long pull for the camp. At first, the river seemed as crowded as an interstate, with a number of different groups launched from the same park landing. For a time they traveled along with a mixed group of fifteen and sixteen year olds. The stronger group finally pulled ahead and they seemed to be alone on the river until they began passing groups stopped for lunch. The river was smooth as glass and the canoe traveled quickly in the current. They kept to the center to take advantage of the strongest currents and avoid the black flies. Daniel kept silent as the two other boys chatted between themselves. Daniel's hands were beginning to blister. He did not mind. He became an explorer lost in the wilderness traveling to the next Native village. They would not know his language, but they would connect with sign language and he would learn about the path ahead. Sometimes he would be invited to pause in his journey and stay with the chief and his daughter. But after one night of passion he would be on his way. Daniel thought the chief's daughter looked a lot like Mandy. He was wet and his hands were cold, but he smiled to himself.

The five canoes moved off from their lunch break travelling as a group. Mustafa and Sweet William had a canoe to themselves and Daniel and Neil engaged them in a silent contest to hold the lead. Neither team wanted to burn themselves out in a race so it was more a matter of pushing the bow out a little beyond the other. The boys in the other canoe were mostly silent as they paddled. After a time Daniel realized they had steadily pulled ahead of the other three canoes. Mustafa finally broke the silence by suggesting they let the canoes drift for a while to let the other three catch up. The two canoes drifted together and the boys held them together with their hands on the gunwales. Daniel rested his paddle across the canoe and dug into his anorak.

"Hungry?" he asked Mustafa sitting across from him in the other canoe. He pulled out his knife and split the large hunk of sausage he had saved from lunch. He handed half to Mustafa and did the same thing with some cheddar cheese.

"Hey thanks."

"Gotta think ahead, boy." Daniel turned and asked Evan if he wanted any. He passed some of his share back to the boy.

"Let's switch places," Neil suggested.

Daniel did not like changing around in mid-stream, but he knew Evan needed a chance to get out of the bottom of the canoe.

"You take the back Daniel and I'll duff." Neil added.

Daniel and Sweet William orchestrated a switch where Daniel got into the middle of the other boy's canoe while Evan climbed forward. Neil climbed over the packs to settle into the center and then Daniel shifted back into his own canoe. The others had caught up by this point and the four boys resumed paddling. Neil lapsed into silence, content to let Daniel and Mustafa give Evan advice on how to handle his paddle. Daniel enjoyed the control that came with being in the back.

He was less happy with the arrangement when Giles called out to the other canoes that there was a light rapid approaching and that they should follow him in a line. Daniel and Evan backwatered while the other canoes pulled ahead. Daniel figured Evan would benefit from seeing the others negotiate whatever was coming before he had to try it. Mustafa and Sweet William held back for a minute while Mustafa gave Evan a quick refresher on his job as bowman. The two paddlers kneeled in the canoe to get closer to the bow. Then Mustafa's canoe pulled ahead to follow the leader.

Evan glanced back at Neil and Daniel for reassurance--he hated being the inexperienced one. Daniel had been so quiet in the canoe that Evan did not know how to read him. Neil told him not to worry, but it was Daniel who reassured him the most. Daniel simply continued his slow powerful strokes and offered simple advice.

"Just keep us off the rocks and snags. I won't be able to see them from back here."

When Evan saw the stretch of rapids he felt a rush of fear, then he calmed himself and applied his paddle to the water roiling about the bow of the canoe. The canoe headed straight for a dark loghead barely breaking the surface. Evan's paddle bit into the froth and he held it rigid fighting the turmoil and drag. The canoe responded to the right bow rudder and it slipped past the first threat. After he steered it around the first snag he felt a burst of confidence. Knowing he had control of the aluminum canoe now, he gazed ahead to trace the path Giles was following. With the extra time to think he was able to follow the lead better and while the other canoes tended to follow their own paths Evan kept their canoe in the safest spots. After the final dip into a trough and the spray-filled rise onto the crest, Evan felt a sense of exhilaration; he heard Daniel's voice.

"That was a rush wasn't it?"

Evan turned back and they shared a smile. During the short run through the turbulent waters, Neil's whoops of encouragement and pointless advice didn't help Evan nearly as much as Daniel's quiet presence at the back of the canoe. The other boy trusted him to find his own way.

"Are there better rapids ahead?"

"I think so. Let's get the lead back."

Evan worked to fit into the rhythm his comrade established at the back.

Giles kept them going until they reached the lake. The boys were tired. Even Mustafa and Garth, the strongest boys in the group were drooping. When they exited the river, Giles paused to point out their first camp spot situated across a small bay. Daniel noticed the waves beating against a small archipelago of rocks, where gulls and small shore birds hopped about. Dark forest rimmed the bay, except for one clearing beyond a small cliff. The boys manoeuvred their canoes across the bay toward the cliff and its open camp site. As soon as they passed the mouth of the river, the waves on the lake caught them and the canoes became harder to manage. Neil helped paddle the canoe across the bay. The boys barely noticed when the rain stopped about halfway across.

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Daniel sat looking out over the still waters of the bay. The wind had blown the last vestiges of cloud cover away, then died abruptly. There was hope that the weather might finally change for the better. The stuff in his pack was still dry, but Daniel decided to let the gear he was wearing dry on his back.

Setting up the three tents had been easy. Daniel admired the ease with which Giles started their fire in the grate. They were all hungry for supper but Giles sent everyone but the supper crew out to gather fresh dead fall to replace the wood that had been left for their use by an earlier party. They walked in pairs and because the camp site was well used they had to trek a fair distance before they found dead wood. Evan asked Daniel and the others why they were making so much noise as they moved through the brush. Daniel stopped swinging the branch he had found and reminded the inexperienced camper that they did not want to trip over a sleeping bear by surprise. One of the other pairs found a standing tree that had died in the shadows. They pushed it over and carried it back to the camp. Daniel took a turn sawing logs from the tree and then sat down to wait for the supper crew to finish the steaks and potatoes. Fresh food and anything perishable had to be eaten the first day.

Daniel tried to tune out the camp noises so he could catch the call of a loon or just the lapping of the waves against the shore. Across the water he could see other groups of canoes moving like beetles toward camps further up the lake. A few fishermen cast their lines below the cliff. They waved at Daniel as he watched. He wished he was older and could travel deeper into the park.

Mustafa was praying. Daniel admired the unselfconscious way the Moslem boy had separated himself from the others. He had simply stepped away from the campsite and found a cliff edge to lay his sleeping bag. Daniel had caught sight of the same spot , but when he saw Mustafa, he chose not to interrupt the young man. When Mustafa was finished with his prayers, he rolled the bag up and followed Daniel's example--he sat and watched the growing twilight gather over the lake. Mustafa noticed Daniel looking at him and waved him over in a casual manner; Daniel smiled and accepted the invitation.

"You wouldn't have bothered me. . . as long as you don't mind me bobbing around near you."

"No. . . that's okay." Daniel knew a few Moslems at school. "How do you pray when we're on the river?"

Mustafa smiled and admitted he cut a few corners--he would mutter prayers to himself. Sometimes it became a chant that followed the rhythm of his strokes. "My father is pretty easygoing about prayer, but I know I'd disappoint him if I didn't make the effort."

Mustafa seemed like a person who was comfortable with himself. Daniel admired that.

"My mom's not very big on religion." Daniel commented wistfully.

Daniel wished he had something to match the bigger lad's commitment. Mustafa put a hand on his arm and pointed to a pair of birds out in the bay. They watched the birds in silence until the other boys called them over for supper.

First night out and most of the boys were tired; by 9:30 people were drifting off to bed. Giles knew he should send the rest to the tents, but he sat listening to the final four spinning out the evening around the dying fire. He craved a coffee but was forced to settle for herbal tea. Giles became interested in the dynamic of this group. Nigel was engrossed with the fire, but the other three seemed to be a problem waiting to happen. There was a restless under-current to the conversation. Neil was simply waiting for Evan to head back to the tent they shared with two of the others. Giles decided that Evan was keyed up about his first night out and the boy had taken a liking to Daniel, who was the fourth boy at the fire. Daniel seemed unaware of the competition he was winning for Evan's attention.

Daniel was recycling jokes that were old when Giles was a camper. "These two hunters were following a trail in the woods, they came across a prostitute sitting on a log. The hunters looked at each other and then one hunter asked the prostitute if she was game. She said 'sure honey'. . . So they shot her."

Evan and Nigel laughed softy.

Neil responded with a joke of his own. "Two hunters were walking in the woods. One of them stopped to take a piss. When he took his dong out a rattler bit him. His friend called 911 on his cell phone to find out what he should do. The hospital said his friend would die unless he immediately sucked the venom out of the wound. The hunter was in agony and asked what the hospital had said. His friend turned to him and replied, 'they said you are going to die.'"

Everyone laughed again. They talked together about the next leg of the trip and then Giles told them to cover the fire. Daniel slipped off into the trees.

Giles lay quietly in his bag until he was sure Daniel made it back. Daniel and Mustafa had been the least concerned about sharing a tent with the eighteen-year-old counselor. The handsome boy was gone for some time and Giles considered searching for him. Finally, Giles heard the boy slip into the tent and zip the door closed. Daniel left his shoes at the door and stripped. Giles watched the slender silhouette examine himself briefly before getting into his bag. Soon, Daniel's soft snores intermingled with Mustafa's.

Dragonflies
Friday morning, July 2nd

Daniel snapped awake. He felt warm and secure in his sleeping bag, but the morning air was decidedly crisp against his bare face. He checked his tent mates. They were both asleep, so he silently grabbed his pants and slipped out of the tent. Daniel tossed his pants near the fire and squatted to uncover the carefully banked coals. After he had built the fire up he walked gingerly down to the shore and dove into the lake. The water was cold and he felt a need to keep his extremities moving, fearing they might go numb. He swam out a bit and started to tread water. Daniel was a strong swimmer and he tested his endurance while he took in the clear sky and early morning calm. He considered the idea of trying out for the swim team at Riverview High.

My balls might be turning blue, but this is so awesome, he thought to himself.

"You're one tough kid." Daniel rotated in the water to look back at Giles. "You'd better not swim by yourself from now on."

Daniel watched Giles turn to the fire. This counselor seemed to know how to lead a trip. Daniel decided that Giles was a chubby version of Mark. He was not self conscious about his weight like Nigel. Nigel kept himself covered most of the time. Daniel's body shook vigorously in the water. He figured it was time to get out. He stopped pushing against the water and slowly sank down into the intense cold. The silence closed around him and he felt the water pressure build. The urge to grope his way back to the surface grew and before long he pulled himself back to the bright surface.

"You had me worried there for a minute."

Daniel smiled at the eighteen-year old and swam easily to shore. He was shivering when he ran up to the fire.

Giles furtively watched the boy drying himself off with his pants. He tried not to look at the trim fourteen-year-old until Daniel had pulled his pants on. He had always envied the Daniel's of this world but was reconciled to his chubby fate. If there had been a prize for most economical camper then Daniel would probably win. He was not wearing underwear and the heavy knife dragging on his web belt was the only thing he seemed to carry. Daniel had come out with only the new khaki pants he had been wearing when he arrived at camp the first day. He only seemed to have brought a couple of t-shirts. His pack was probably the lightest in the group.

Giles told Daniel it was too early for breakfast but they started some water for cocoa. Before long, Mustafa came out of the tent to join them and while the water boiled the three decided to pack their tent. After securing his own baggage Giles lowered the food from the tree branch and organized breakfast while the boys finished packing. The three sat together over the hot drinks and Mustafa made the eighteen-year-old give the two boys a brief profile of his life. They made him admit he had a girl friend and forced him to share a picture he carried in his pack. Daniel thought her another version of Claire. Giles lost points with the two boys when they found out he was planning to be a teacher. The sounds of their conversation roused the others and soon the camp was full of chattering boys. Later, when the canoes were packed, Giles supervised the clean-up. When the last piece of firewood was stacked and ready for the next group's arrival, Giles placed a green fern stem in the center of the fire. It was time to head out.

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The second day was a shorter distance, but the party of canoes found the going difficult. It all started when their counselor miscalculated the wind. Other groups watched them leave the shelter of the shore, but were unwilling to chance the lake. Half way across the broad lake, the morning calm was replaced by a strong cross wind. Giles cursed as he watched the fourteen-year-olds strain their light muscles against the choppy waves. The boys in the front were getting soaked from spin-drift. A few, braving the cool wind, took their shirts off and he could see the water glistening on their rippling shoulder muscles. The shelter of the far shoreline came as a welcome relief.

The second stretch took them into the reed-choked mouth of a river which emptied slowly into the lake. They pushed their way against a steady current into a world of swamp and tangled logs. At times the river broadened into shallow reed-lined ponds bordered by tangled trees lost in purple shadow. At other times it narrowed into braided channels with banks carpeted in green grasses; the auburn cattails seemed to close in about the canoes. The boys and their leader hauled their canoes up over an endless series of beaver dams. Most times, this involved shifting the loads out of the canoes and piling them on the bracken and twisted branches of the dam while the boys hauled the canoe over the top and into the pool beyond. Everyone was wet to the knees and the smell of corruption hung over them all. Mosquitoes plagued them and the boys kept their arms covered. They were all perfumed with variations of repellent. As the morning wore on the boys lost their humor and only the efforts of a core of boys kept the team moving. At one point, Evan fell back into the muck and would have lost it if Daniel and Mustafa had not waded in after him to help him up; they were able to turn the curses on his lips into shared laughter.

There would come a time during his freshie term when Daniel found himself in a school bathroom, his spirit dipping to its lowest ebb. He would recall this moment when the besieging mosquitoes magically disappeared and he felt surrounded by a flashing flight of dragonflies. He was duffing in the center of the canoe and had the opportunity to watch the graceful insects darting around him as they cleared the air. Their shifting energy and colors exploded into his mind and he felt his spirit lift. They seemed to be little spirits telegraphing their good will and support to him. Throughout the rest of the weary journey through the bog he attended to their presence. They became his companions--his own air force defending the fleet. He wanted to share his thoughts on the experience with someone. He turned around, but realized he did not have the words to explain it to the others. In his Junior year English Composition class he would try once again to recapture the moment:

Dragonflies
Dancing on shadow breezes around me,
Ranged against a tide of malevolent mosquitoes,
The busy flight of dragons captivates my eyes.
Glittering wings, effortlessly praising motion, dart
Over lush reeds, cattails, and the bottle-green river.
Near fourteen, I assume clarity and balance in this.
Friendship is not on their hungry minds, but I'll offer it.
Lying in the canoe that dreamy summer afternoon
I'll watch them feast, elementals unaware of the youth,
Silently praising their incidental charity of spirit.

Sitting by the river eating lunch, Jeremy suddenly pointed out that Daniel had a dragonfly perched on his shoulder. Daniel became still and turned his head slowly to catch a glimpse of the insect. Jeremy walked over softly and eased the dragonfly onto his finger and brought it around to show Daniel. They examined the quiet insect closely.

Jeremy remarked, "My grandmother would say that Dragonfly medicine is of the dreamtime. Things aren't real, we make them up."

Daniel did not follow this.

Giles had been watching the boys and tried to explain. The boys turned to look at him when he spoke. "The world is full of natural spirits, Daniel. Some religions believe the world is not real; we are just living in an illusion; it is only what we think we see." Sensing the opportunity for a teachable moment, he searched for an example. "Evan fell in the lake and got covered in slime." Some of the boys laughed at that. "He might have been upset, but instead he laughed it off."

"You mean it's all in your attitude?" Daniel asked.

"Okay maybe that was not the right example; when you change your attitude about something you feel differently about it, like seeing the humor in falling in the river instead of being upset. But that's not really what I mean. When you see through the illusion what you see is actually different. The world changes around you. You are creating it all Daniel, your life and the world around you, by what you believe to be true. It is a powerful idea. When you accept that things are not the way they seem, that you are not even who you think you are, then the world around you will change."

Giles figured he had lost the boys so he let it drop. Daniel and Jeremy turned their attention back to the insect still patiently sitting on Jeremy's finger. Daniel tried to get it to move to his finger and after a careful moment it did resettle there.

"It's cool," he commented to Jeremy.

Jeremy studied it some more. "Maybe dragonfly is walking beside you," he spoke of it as if it was a person. "Grandma said you should listen to your totem."

This was pretty deep for Daniel. He had just been appreciating the little animal, not listening to it.

He shook his finger a little and as it flew away he said "bye-bye little dragonfly, hope you catch some lunch."

Teamwork
Friday afternoon

The current became increasingly stronger as they headed further upstream and the land beyond the banks started to dry up. Daniel found himself with Neil and Darcy. It was a bit of a trial for him because the two resumed carping at each other. The river also became so shallow that for long stretches it was simpler to get out and walk the canoes. The bottom was clean so the boys paused to wash as much of the muck off their clothes as they could. Daniel stripped for a minute to scrub his pants out in the water and squeeze the mud out of his socks. He wished he could dry his boots out, but he didn't want to risk a cut on his foot.

The blue green pines were closing in on the river when Giles directed the five canoes over to the bank. They had reached the portage. The trail was well marked and well traveled. The smaller boys were assigned the job of carrying the baggage over the portage and the four biggest boys were assigned the canoes. Giles carried one by himself and the others were carried by pairs. The portage required two trips. Daniel thought he could handle a canoe, but he was assigned to the packs. He took the biggest load he could find and set off without comment.

The boys moved at their own pace and the campers were soon strung out over the two kilometer trek. It was a steady uphill climb that stressed the calf muscles and left the boy's shirts soaked in sweat. Ball caps became stained and salty rivulets wandered down their faces. The load was a strain on Daniel's back and he kept trying to shift it higher onto his shoulders. Daniel reflected that if he did this regularly he would build up some muscle. He tried to keep his breath even as he stumbled up a rocky path.

The climb was worth it and the view along the ridge prompted him to make a short stop. He leaned against a tree and looked out over the vista of the deep green forest. He drank a little from his water bottle and watched Garth and Mustafa tramp by heads buried under the canoe. He followed them along the ridge and back down into the forest. The geography was rockier on this side of the ridge, but they were at least moving downhill. The grade was steep and worked new muscles in his legs. It did not seem long before they reached the other end of the portage. Daniel dumped his load and looked around for a minute at their next camp site before turning back to the trail. He walked alone on the way back, stepping aside when he encountered someone coming down the path.

Other parties provided a brief opportunity to share experiences and scout out information about bear sightings. Now that he knew the trail it didn't seem so far. A couple of times he passed people resting on the side. The freedom from the burden of the packs allowed Daniel the opportunity to examine the forest floor, which stretched beyond him like a dark curtain covered by moss-draped trunks melting back into the ferns. Shafts of light lent intimations of a cathedral to Daniel's imagination. Twenty paces off the path and the bright plastic trail markers signaling civilization would be hidden from view. Daniel thought briefly of the wilder trips the older boys could take--more dangerous rivers and greater challenges--they were as far removed from this trip as his first trip across the lake at age nine. He convinced himself he would be carrying a canoe by then.

Daniel became aware of a pair of older men traveling the trail in the opposite direction. Two of them followed Daniel on his way back to retrieve the second load. Daniel was used to seeing different groups on the busy trail. He basically ignored the men's presence until he stopped for a drink of water before he climbed back up to the ridge. He took a brief repose on a rock, looking up the trail as it mounted the ridge to the canyon beyond.

"This is one helluva grade, isn't it?"

The man who spoke was light and wiry. He had a pointed goatee which emphasized his narrow face. It came to Daniel that the man looked rather like Simon Marks. The other man was heavier set. From the looks on their faces, they both had spent a great deal of time outdoors. Daniel nodded in order to be polite.

"So are you with that crew back at the river?"

Daniel nodded again and splashed some water onto his face before covering the bottle. He used his t-shirt to wipe off his face and caught a glimpse of the heavyset man's eyes on his exposed midsection. When the man unconsciously licked his upper lip Daniel realized he was not comfortable with the two men. Daniel let the half empty bottle drop on its strap and pushed off the rock.

"Guess I better get a move on."

He started up the trail and the two men fell in behind him. Daniel had never before thought about old men perving at him. These two were really old, like forty maybe. As he scrambled up the incline, he was conscious that he was not wearing underwear and that the heavy knife pulled at the waistband of his khaki pants. He paused by the side of the trail and dropped to one knee. Instead of passing him as he fumbled with a shoelace, the men paused again beside him. The heavyset man seemed tongue-tied but the thin one tried to initiate a conversation. The man wiped his face with his own t-shirt exposing an expanse of pelt. One hand rested below his sternum as he gazed off into the forest and commented on its beauty. He held the pose until Daniel felt compelled into responding.

"Yes, it is. . ."

There was not much else he could do with the shoelace, so Daniel 'decided' he must need to take a stone out of his boot. He sat and slowly worked the laces loose, all the while hoping the men would move on. He felt overcome with an odd feeling he had never experienced before--he just knew he wanted to get away from them.

"Say are you okay? Do you need some help?"

Daniel looked at the man who had spoken.

"No he's fine. . . aren't you?" the other broke in quickly.

Daniel nodded slowly and glanced up and down the trail hoping some of the other campers would happen along. At this point he would have settled for a bear. Daniel probed the boot thoughtfully trying to discourage the men with his silence. His small drama was winding down when the thin man nudged the heavyset one to get his attention and they began moving up the trail. Daniel took his time with the boot and then set off behind them. Daniel was used to strangers approaching him; he figured he must have a friendly face or something. But since school let out, Daniel had become more self conscious about it.

"Daniel, wait up."

Evan jogged up the slope and joined Daniel. Evan was sweating in the heat of the day and had taken his shirt off.

"Man I hope this is the last trip. I need a swim."

"You're gonna get eaten alive, Evan."

Daniel's shirt was plastered to his back but he preferred the protection it offered. Evan was in a talkative mood, so the two boys chatted as they hiked back up the ridge. The two men were at the summit taking a rest. Daniel silently made his way past them when Evan stopped to look at the view.

"Quite a view isn't it son?"

"It sure is! Isn't this fantastic Daniel?"

Evan smiled at Daniel and he agreed it was a good view. He wanted to keep moving.

"Sure, we were just discussing the right angle for our picture." The heavyset fellow revealed a small digital camera equipped with an expensive zoom lens. "Nate and I are professional photographers. We're doing a piece on the park--you know--pictures of the scenery and animals. It's going to be published in National Geographic."

"Really?" Evan seemed impressed.

"Yes. Say Nate, don't you think if we had these two young fellows in the picture it would be great?" The heavy set man smiled. "What do you say boys?"

"Sure, I guess," Evan shrugged.

Daniel sighed impatiently. He did not want anything to do with the men.

"Come on Daniel, it will only take a minute."

"We have to keep moving Evan. It's getting late."

The thin man, Nate, stared at Daniel.

"Shep is right. I think it would make a great picture for the cover. I can picture it now. . . the forest and sky and you boys looking out at it." Nate ignored Evan and studied Daniel as the young teen stood uneasily on the trail. "Shep and I also work for a fashion magazine. Have you ever thought of modeling, Dan?"

Daniel disliked hearing the man use his name.

"You have just the look we are searching for. You and your friend. . . what's your name son?" He turned back to Evan.

"I'm Evan." Shep was very enthusiastic and enticed Evan out toward the edge of the cliff. Daniel reluctantly followed him.

"You know what would be great? Danny, do you mind if I call you Danny?" Shep did not wait for a reply. "It would really help the shot if you would take your shirt off too, Danny."

"I don't think so." Daniel thought about the way the man had looked at him earlier.

"Come on Daniel, its for the cover of National Geographic," Evan prodded.

Daniel shook his head and decided he would just leave and let Evan catch up once his picture was taken.

"Oh that's okay Shep, he can keep it on."

Shep looked a little disappointed. Daniel reluctantly joined Evan by the cliff.

"Oh that's going to be a great shot. . . Now turn a little toward each other. Yes, that's it! Now Dan you put your hand just above Evan's heart, right below the collar bone. . . Now look at Evan's face. . ."

"I thought we were looking at the scenery." Daniel stepped away from Evan.

"You know, if you would just take your shirt off it would be great."

"Never mind that Shep," Nate stepped forward. "We can do it this way."

He started to put an arm over Daniel's shoulder but the wary young teen shifted away from the man, so Nate resigned himself to demonstrate with Evan instead.

Evan beamed at him.

"See? Just do that."

When the man stepped back, Daniel returned to Evan's side and draped his arm over the boy's shoulder.

"Great! Okay Shep, fire away."

Daniel endured a series of pictures, some of which seemed to be aimed in odd directions. When they were done, Daniel almost pushed his buddy back onto the trail.

"Say boys, how about giving us your e-mail addresses." Shep dug into his bag and pulled out a pencil and paper. "We can send you the pictures--don't you want a copy? We could also discuss a modeling contract. . . if you're interested."

Daniel elbowed Evan before he could speak.

"I don't think so. Thanks anyway." He tugged at Evan to get him going again.

"But I want to see the pictures."

"You can see them when they come out in National Geographic."

Evan reluctantly followed Daniel down the trail. Daniel was glad to put some distance between them and the two men on the ridge. The younger boy seemed determined to dwell on the whole encounter.

"Wow Daniel, it would be awesome to be in a magazine. He said we could be models!"

"I don't think they were professional photographers Evan."

"What do you mean?"

"Look. . ." Daniel detoured around a log and glanced back up the path. "They were just a couple of weirdos trying to snake some pictures of us. They gave me the creeps, so let's just forget about 'em and keep walking."

Evan mulled over the older boy's revelation in silence. Daniel tried to shake off the moment by enjoying the forest and his young friend's company.

"Why would they want to do that?" asked Evan.

"I don't know."

But Daniel did know. Evan's so naive. Daniel did not want to tell Evan about the websites he visited--the ones with pictures of boys doing unmentionable things together. Those internet images were probably taken during encounters like the one back on the ridge. He could only imagine.

First they ask you to take your shirt off and the next thing you know, you're standing there in your gotch.

They collected a second load and quickly headed back up the trail; when Daniel arrived at camp, he was glad to let it drop. Giles had started a fire in the grate so that dinner would coincide with the arrival of the last camper. He wanted camp to be set up before they ate. He asked for volunteers to hike back and see if anyone needed assistance. Daniel and Mustafa looked at each other and silently headed back up the trail. They arrived back on the ridge when they encountered Jeremy with the last load. The smaller boy struggled under a pack and some miscellaneous articles that had been left behind. Together, the three boys split the load and started back down the ridge without much discussion. Daniel's feet were sore from the kilometers he had walked in the last few hours. But he was glad there were no more encounters with the men along the way.

When the boys finally arrived back at the camp, they found most of the other campers cleaning the sweat off in the river. The three boys quickly stripped and headed in to join them. Daniel noticed Nigel sitting on the bank watching the others so he called to Mustafa and pointed at the shy boy. Mustafa got the hint and Giles grinned as he saw the two naked boys converge on Nigel and jump him from behind. They stripped the protesting Nigel and to the cheers of the other boys pushed him into the river. He came up smiling and joined in the fun. Mustafa noticed Giles by the fire and along with Daniel, began to move on the counselor. Giles was not up to a wrestling match with them so he pulled off his shoes and shirt and jumped into the water.

The boys forgot themselves in the water and fell into a panic when five canoes swung around the bend and the chatter of girls signaled their arrival to the portage.

"Incoming boys!" a girl shouted and the boys started vocalizing their panic and scrambled for the shore.

Daniel and Mustafa watched from the water as the other boys pranced to their shorts, all the while trying to cover their naked bodies. Daniel studied the girls' progress and decided he should get out of the water too. If he remained in the river, the chill of the water would force him out before they beached and organized their portage.

"Let's get out!" he suggested to Mustafa and the pair swam back to the shore.

Daniel walked slowly to his pants and casually slid them on, intensely conscious of the girls closing in on the landing. When he finally pulled them over his crotch, he turned to buckle the heavy web and zip up his fly. The first canoe was close so he walked back to the water and helped the girls run it up onto the gravel. This earned him a smile from the girl in the bow.

"Nice butt!" her partner added as they started pulling their loads out. "Did you guys make the portage?"

Daniel smiled and nodded. He let the girls do their own work, convinced he would not be appreciated for stepping in.

"How's the trail?"

"It's a bit of a climb, but the view at the top is sweet. Are you heading downriver right away?" He stepped out of the girls' path as they pulled the canoe out of the water.

"We'll camp somewhere on the other side," the female counselor interjected as she beached the last canoe.

"How was the river upstream?"

A girl from another canoe replied, "Awesome! Really fast and lots of white water. . . not really hard though."

Daniel was sorry he missed it.

"Well the next leg is rank. . . at least you get to go downstream."

He watched the girls start up the trail and wished once again that there were coed groups.

Reminders
Friday night

That evening, Giles stretched out early to give the boys some space to talk amongst themselves. He used the time to write in his journal. This was mostly for his own benefit, but he did draw on it from time to time when he wrote to his girlfriend. The boys were an endless source of inspiration for his writing. He reflected on the way the hard day had discouraged them and he tried to understand where boys like Mustafa and Daniel found the reserves to stay upbeat and civil. He was tired of dealing with the boys, so he lay back on his bag and listened to their conversation for a while from the privacy of the tent.

"So these two hunters were out in the woods and they split up when they saw something rustling in the brush. They worked around from different directions. When one of the hunters saw some movement he snapped off a quick shot. When he got up to the kill he was shocked to find he had shot his friend. He carried his friend back to the truck and drove like hell to the nearest hospital. When the doctor came out of the emergency room he asked how his friend was doing.

"The doctor wiped his forehead and said 'well. . . he wasn't shot very bad. . . and he might have made it if you hadn't gutted him first.'"

The boys groaned.

"So there was this hunter following some tracks. . ."

"Yeah--he got run over by a train. Enough with the hunter jokes you guys they're getting lame."

The boys were quiet for a moment while someone thought of a new subject.

Darcy asked, "Mustafa said you're going into grade nine next year."

Except for Sweet William and Frank, the rest of the boys were going into grade eight.

"Yeah." Giles noted Daniel's voice.

"Your school has freshies?"

"Yeah." Giles thought Daniel sounded guarded with his replies.

"So that means you have some senior bossing you around?" It was Neil's voice this time.

"Yeah, he's cool though. . . we just hang out a bit. Are you going to a school where they have freshies?"

"Yeah, I am." Neil replied. A couple of the boys offered that they were too.

"Have a good time."

Giles had a few buddies who had gone to schools that were big into Freshie Days. When they were drunk they let things slip out, so he wasn't all that surprised to catch a whisper of sarcasm in the young teen's voice.

"There should be girls at this camp."

This led to a universal agreement that coed groups would be a definite improvement. The boys had all been thinking about the girls at the other end of the portage. The girls were at least a year older than them, but more than one of the boys suggested grabbing a flashlight and going over for a visit.

"Man! I wish I could see my girlfriend. I'm getting backed up if you know what I mean," Darcy's voice leered at his friends. "Your sister's hot Mustafa. . . does she have a boyfriend?"

"Talk about my sister and I take your balls off."

That actually sounded serious to Giles and he thought he should go out and join the boys.

"Back off dude, I didn't mean anything by it." The boys were quiet for a minute. "You got a girlfriend, high school boy?"

"Nope." Apparently this had been directed to Daniel.

"You got a boy friend?"

"Sorry, I'm not available Darcy. Go talk to your hand."

The boy's laughed at the burn.

Things settled down and Giles relaxed again. Mustafa and Daniel sat late by the dying fire and they talked so quietly that Giles worried they might have left camp. He trusted them to take care of the fire.

Still water
Saturday, July 3rd

The next day was an exhilarating run down a fast flowing river. The boys worked their way through a long series of short rapids and shoots that made the long second day seem worthwhile. They spent the last night at a camp site overlooking the lake that would take them back to their camp. They had gotten in early enough for the boys to swim and explore the woods behind their camp site. The evening brought one last campfire and shared stories from the trip. While they all felt grubby, they couldn't help but feel a sense they were becoming veteran explorers.

Since it was only a short jaunt back to the base, the next morning Giles let the boys sleep in a bit later. Daniel got up early as usual and when Giles stepped out of the tent he saw the boy lazily paddling a canoe around the still waters of the lake. Giles sat and observed him for awhile. The boy was dressed as he had seen him the first morning, shirtless and shoeless. He wasn't wearing the life preserver either. He would pause in his strokes and sit looking out at the lake. His mirror image was reflected in the still water of the lake. Giles dug his camera out and took the first of two pictures he would later send the boy. He zoomed in to catch Daniel's head turned away from the camera. The far shore was unfocused. The boy dipped his paddle into the water and tried to execute intricate curves. Daniel repeated the process until he could paddle figure eights and do a dance in the still waters.

Mustafa came up beside Giles as he watched Daniel. Daniel finished his last turn and stretched back in his seat looking up into the sky. The bow lifted out of the water a bit as Daniel reached into his pants and scratched his groin.

"I think he needs a shower," commented Mustafa with a laugh.

"I think we all do," replied the counselor.

Moments later, Daniel saw them and waved his paddle. The pair on the bank waved back.

Daniel was happy to find two letters and a post card on his bed when he got back from the showers. He sat on his bunk and read the post card. It was just a short note from Mandy saying she hoped he was having a good time. She had signed it with a little heart next to her name. It was nice to know she was thinking about him. The letters were from his mom and Denver . His mom was predictable, but he appreciated hearing from her. She was looking forward to his return and their trip to the mountains. She still wasn't convinced of his plan that they both go river rafting--he'd work on this proposal more in his next letter. He opened Denver's letter and a couple of pictures fell out. He recognized Mark with Denver in one and the other was a picture of Mandy poolside in a one piece bathing suit. She was hugging her knees while she looked into the camera. He could see the swell of her breast just below her arm. He dropped the picture and read through the letter.

"Hey look dudes. . . Daniel's been holding out on us." Darcy grabbed Mandy's picture and shared it with the other guys.

"You lie like a rug Daniel, you do too have a girl friend. . . What's her name?" Cody added.

Darcy handed the picture to Neil who was sitting next to Evan on his bunk.

Daniel discarded the impulse to explain his relationship. "We're just friends." He simply gave them her name.

Neil looked at the picture with interest and passed it to Evan. Evan jumped off the bed and gave Daniel his picture back.

"She's beautiful!" he smiled at Daniel and went back to his bunk.

Daniel slipped both pictures into his leather kit. According to the letter, Denver had invited them both over the day Daniel had left for camp. That's when he found out that Daniel had never so much as asked for a school picture of her.

Urges
Thursday, July 8th

Giles caught his second picture of Daniel sitting against a tree contemplating Reed River Falls. The young teen was wearing a black t-shirt with a Blackhawk helicopter on the front, a pair of baggy khaki pants and what was once a new pair of hiking boots. The front of the t-shirt wasn't visible because the picture captured Daniel's profile as he gazed down into the rushing water. The only real evidence of the falls in the picture is the fine mist rising from between the narrow channel cut into the rocks. The noise from the falls was awesome and humbling. It beckoned the spiritual side in everyone and the viewer might wonder if Daniel seemed lost in meditation about something.

Indeed, Daniel had been meditating on how difficult it would be to run a canoe through the rapids. Giles had emphatically rejected the proposal when Daniel and Evan presented it to him. Even Mustafa failed to support him. Daniel was sure there was a safe path through the roiling waters below and he mapped out the turns in his mind. They had taken out smaller canoes this time and he was sure he could swing them around quickly like a kayak. Well Giles was simply not going to let him do it so he might as well forget about it and move on. He surveyed the curved path of the falls and rapids. The carpet of needles was wet. The pines and ferns were lush along the rocky cliff. The air was heavy with the mist. The churning water seemed chaotic as it bounced from rock to rock. Evan approached him and sat close so that he could be heard above the steady roar.

"Are you going to say anything?"

"What? No." Daniel shook his head and looked at Evan.

Evan shifted uncomfortably. "I've never done that before." He was clearly upset.

Daniel was not sure if it was because the boy had been caught or because he did not like it. Half the cabin had opted out of the second canoe trip; the camp's other opportunities had lured them away. Giles had scratched together five interested boys and planned another four day trip. This time they had been driven upriver and dropped off for a trip through an island chain, a short portage and a challenging run back to the camp. They had taken three short canoes.

On the second night out, Daniel shared a tent with Neil and Evan. He had been roused in the early morning by whispers and movement from one of his companions. Two weeks without dealing with their urges was a bit too much to expect and the boys studiously ignored late night stirrings in the cabin or tent. Daniel's strategy had been to jack off quickly during a 'crap break' in the woods; he figured it was at least private. He opened his eyes a little and realized that Neil and Evan had unzipped their bags and were playing with each other. He had been stirred awake by Neil's quiet encouragements for Evan to jack him off. It was close quarters in the small tent. Neil had his back to Daniel and neither boy paid him any attention. Neil's hips shifted a little in response to the movement of Evan's hand. He whispered "suck it," but Evan shook his head a little. Daniel was getting aroused watching them fondle each other. He kept perfectly still but he wished he could play with his own erection. After a long drawn out session, Neil shivered and jerked his load onto the fabric of the bag. Evan withdrew his hand and lay back on his bag. As the early morning light filtered through the tent walls, Daniel watched Neil rest his head on Evan's stomach and began to suck his cock. Evan stayed perfectly still with his eyes held tightly shut, but Daniel could see he was responding favorably to the sensation on his cock. Evan's chest heaved a little and his diaphragm contracted. Neil's head bobbed and turned as he played with the other boy's cock. Daniel took in the curve of Neil's back as he bent over his partner. When Evan came, Daniel looked up and discovered the boy staring right at him. Their eyes locked for a moment before Daniel quickly looked away at Neil, then back at Evan before closing his eyes. The boys settled down and after awhile Daniel heard them fall into sleep.

"I don't want you to think I'm a fag." Evan needed some reassurance.

Daniel had just spent time clearing his mind of all this and he didn't want to get dragged back down. He tried to pull some sort of an answer together.

"You are a good partner in a canoe, Evan. You don't complain about work and you didn't burn my eggs at breakfast." Evan chuckled a little. "You didn't come to camp with dorky things and you never put people down. As far as I'm concerned, you're still cool with me." He pushed Evan a little to let him know they were still cool.

"Are you sure?"

"Sure."

"Thanks Daniel, I needed to know that." Evan seemed relieved.

They sat together by the falls lost in their own thoughts. Inevitably Daniel's thoughts drifted to Evan and what he had seen that morning. Evan's dark hair had fallen over his eyes as he sat looking into the rapids below. When Evan brushed the long strands back Daniel felt puzzled by an attraction he felt--there was this strange temptation to kiss the boy. He considered what it would have been like if he had been in Neil's place that morning.

Staying afloat
Friday, July 9th

Daniel was directly behind Evan and Neil when their canoe tipped over in the rapids. He was startled when it happened because years of experience had taught him this was not an easy thing to do. The boy's had gone into a deep trough and when they came back up the bow of their canoe had ridden up the side of a smooth rock and flipped them over.

"Jesus Will--they just went over!"

"STAY WITH THE CANOE!"

Evan saw his pack floating away and tried to launch himself into the froth to recover it. He bobbed away buoyed up by his jacket.

"Fuck, there he goes!"

Neil clutched the thwart as the canoe rolled around and let it carry him down the river.

"HOLD ONTO THE PADDLES!" Daniel shouted as they swept past Neil.

Daniel kept an eye on Evan as he was spun up and down the troughs and around hidden rocks.

He pulled the bow of the canoe around and the two boy's paddles bit deep into the broiling water as they tried to keep up with the bobbing Evan.

"HARDER HARDER HARDER!" William screamed as their canoe fought against the impossible pull of the river.

Daniel and William watched as Evan clutched at a tortured branch caught among the rocks and it seemed to swing him around before he finally locked an arm around it. He had drifted far down the river on the angry current and the straining boys were able to fight their craft over where it crashed against the heavy branch. The impact almost dislodged the white faced Evan but while Daniel clutched at the branch to hold their boat steady, William grabbed at Evan and hauled him up and onto their load. The two boys pushed their canoe around the obstruction as Evan lay panting between them, his pack still clutched tightly in one arm. Down the river, Neil sat in the sunken canoe watching while they negotiated the last of the rapid. Daniel felt his heart pound as the adrenaline charged his muscles. He realized Evan probably would have washed down the river to safety, but he was glad they had stopped for him. They drifted toward the others as the four boys tried to empty the water out of the swamped canoe.

"You forgot to lash your stuff down." William commented.

"Well I didn't think Evan was going to tip us, did I?" Neil retorted defensively.

Evan was silent as he helped Daniel pull the bow up over their overburdened canoe and awkwardly roll it clean. They were short two paddles, so Daniel climbed into the empty canoe and took the stern while Evan threw his pack into the bottom and flopped into the front seat. William and Daniel steered the two canoes down to where Giles fished their equipment out of the water.

The party took a break on a sand bar while Giles assessed the damage and they looked through the soggy load. Giles did not let them sit too long. The party got back into canoes and continued down the river. Neil and Evan looked shaken so Giles shifted Neil into his canoe and decided Evan could go with Daniel. Daniel understood Neil's fit when the decision was announced even if Giles and the others didn't.

"Don't be mad at Neil," Evan cried. "He didn't really want to come this time. . . he only came along because I wanted to go."

Great, Daniel thought, now I'm caught in the middle of their romance. "I'm sorry he doesn't like you."

"Don't worry. . . I could care less if he likes me."

Daniel didn't want to get Evan mad at him too. "Neil's okay, Evan. . . I just have bigger problems to deal with." He wanted to tell the guy that if Neil kept having hissy-fits like he was Evan's girlfriend, they would all wish they could sink into the ground and disappear.

Evan glanced back at Daniel. He was sprawled with his feet up on the thwart paddle tucked into his armpit like a rudder.

"You know what he was telling me when we hit the rock?"

Daniel glanced over to the other canoe where Neil was trying to paddle while looking back at Evan; he could have lived without hearing what was coming next.

"He was telling me he wanted to cornhole me tonight"

Way too much information, Daniel sighed.

"I turned around and I didn't see that rock. . . I don't want to be his bum-buddy Daniel."

Neil's spider sense must be telling him they were talking about him because he frowned at Daniel.

"Then don't!" Daniel replied bluntly. He could hear the growing roar of the next rapid and became more attentive to the canoe. "Stop worrying about it."

The next rapids approached and there was no time for talk. It was easy for Daniel to tell Evan not to worry. It was harder to stop worrying about it himself. Neil had been right about one thing at least--it would have been better if there were girls at the camp.

Daniel missed Mandy.

This was his last canoe trip for the year. Another couple of days and he would be packed and back on his way home. Daniel felt the blade tear at the water as they shot through the rapids. He felt the strain in his shoulder muscles as he followed Evan's lead. Evan swung around when the rapids were passed and flashed Daniel a grin. Evan's long dark hair was wild and small water droplets glistened in the sunshine.

Almost right, Daniel thought to himself. It had been a good season and he had made several new friends.

"Let's take the lead!" Evan called out to him and Daniel agreed.

He felt the pull of home now. Back to being the butt of the older boys' hazing, but also back to Denver and The Brass Lantern, his mom, and of course Mandy. Those three at least would be interested in his camp stories. Daniel and Evan fell into a rhythm and the canoe cut through the clean water in short thrusts. Daniel was back into his dream world, back into the wilds exploring new territory. He did not know the language but he could get by with signs. Warriors would grip his arms in friendship. He imagined Evan was a dark young warrior helping him elude huge enemies in the other two canoes. Working as a team they could stay ahead.

Evan paused his stroke and whooped for joy. He turned back to Daniel and flashed him another broad smile.

Almost right, Daniel grinned in return before letting his broad blade dip back into the water.