The Mantis Synchronicity - Book Five - 13. Chapter 13 - The *Final* Last Drive-in

In the beginning were the powers.

On the initial day of the Advanced Era, when everything changed, life on planet Earth was bustling in the way it had on countless days before. Everyone was oblivious to the abruptly approaching end of the world they all knew, and none of them were prepared for it.

The first four Shifts’ photonova glands activated within minutes of each other. The youths were unrelated and had never met, and in fact, they were on four separate continents when it happened. All four of their names have been lost to history, but the moment their powers activated would live on in infamy. The first Shifts were a boy of 12 in Sidney, Australia, a girl of 11 in Hong Kong, another boy who was 13 in Wilmington, Vermont, and a second girl who had just turned 14. She had been onset with a film crew for the taping of a late-night style movie-host show called The Last Drive-in when the world was irreparably changed.

Like many other similar variety shows, a movie was presented by hosts who would perform a bit of shtick that was in some way related to the movie. These shows used humor, or campiness, or sometimes props and puppets in their acts, in an attempt to amuse or inform their audience. Historically, these style shows have featured cheap or bad movies, sometimes relying on public-domain material for their broadcasts. Many variations of this type of show were widespread on local television stations throughout the United States, particularly in the late ’80s and into the ’90s, and most hosts did not realize the enormous impact they were having on viewers at the time.

The late-night shows were never highbrow, moneymaking, popular shows watched by the masses. The shows were the outcasts of the broadcasting world, and many were available to watch one day but suddenly canceled the next for no clear reason. As it turns out, outcasts were exactly the people who were watching those shows, and many viewers were very disappointed by the sudden end to their favorite programs.

The two hosts of The Last Drive-in, Joe Bob Briggs and Darcy the Mail Girl, played by John Bloom and Diana Prince, picked the tradition back up again in 2018. John Bloom was a Texan, as was the character he played, and Diana Prince was the real-life superhero who dragged him out of retirement to revive the late-night movie-host style show.

That was, of course, before the world ended.

The young Shift girl onset, whose photonova gland had not yet activated, was the child of a crewmember. She was trying to remain in the chair where she had been told to stay, but she was very excited for the process of filming to begin. She knew she was permitted to laugh at the jokes, but she also knew she needed to keep quiet for the rest of the time.

The show of The Last Drive-in was presented like a casual chat. Joe Bob was a grandfatherly fellow with a vast well of knowledge about films, particularly movies that were hated by the media and mainstream. Darcy was also a fount of horror wisdom in her own right, and through the pair’s discussions on the show, the audience learned a great deal about every movie the two of them presented.

The episode being recorded was supposed to be a special one, but it never aired, because the world was forever changed that night.

The director, Austin Jennings, called out, “Action!” and the show began.

“Darcy!” Joe Bob snapped, and she scrunched up her button nose at him. “You know what really burns my bacon?”

“No,” Darcy replied with a smirk, “but I bet you’re gonna tell us.”

The crooked letters on the marquee behind them spelled out the words Helter Skelter of Terror.

“Well, you’re right,” Joe Bob replied. “I’m gonna tell ya, and I think more people ought to be upset by it, too.”

Joe Bob was dressed in a version of his standard cowboy shirt that was made of rainbow-striped fabric, and on his head was a silly little pointed party hat with an elastic band stretched under his chin. Darcy was wearing a skintight bodysuit that was entirely white and hugged every one of her many curves. Gloves and high heels were built into the outfit, and its collar came partway up her elegant neck.

Joe Bob looked right down the barrel of camera one and declared, “Movies that were made…” he paused, “but never released. Folks, we’ve got an actual forgotten gem for your viewing pleasure tonight, and not one of those so-called forgotten gems where us horror freaks and geeks watched it and appreciated it when it first came out,” he nodded toward Darcy. “But no, this movie was completed and brought to the final stages of production. Prints were even made of it, but almost no one ever saw it. Oh yeah, I suppose I ought to introduce myself.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Darcy quipped.

A few crewmembers snickered in the background, and as usual, the director kept filming.

“I’m Joe Bob Briggs, and with me as always is Darcy the Mail Girl! She’s here to make sense of all you mutants’ social media frenzy. I don’t know if you at home can tell, but we’re in a special location for this very special event.” He looked around the sound stage. “We’re in Grapevine, Texas! This is going to be a fun night, and we’re filming it drive-in style. When we do live shows, all of us watch the movie together, and we take breaks to discuss whatever we’ve just seen, very much like how you folks watch this show at home, and we’re doing that tonight! We’ve only watched it twice…”

“Speak for yourself,” Darcy interrupted with a wry smile. “I’ve watched it five times already.”

Joe Bob looked impressed. “Whoa, well we’re gonna need your expertise and extensive knowledge of the film as we work through it as a group tonight.” He dove back into the topic of the unseen movie. “Even the crew and cast involved never got the opportunity to watch the finished film, not until someone found out about it, located its creator, and negotiated the rights.” Joe Bob looked over at Darcy.

She glanced up from her device and shot him a little smile. “It was no biggie.”

An off-screen member of the crew let out a whoop and yelled, “Darcy rocks!” and the filming continued.

Joe Bob plowed on, “People, we’ve got a world premiere happening right now! It’s why I’m wearing my fancy shirt.”

“And why I made you wear that fancy hat,” Darcy added.

“Exactly!” Joe Bob replied with a beaming smile. He adjusted his bolo tie, which was set with an exquisite turquoise stone, and he focused back on camera one’s lens as he continued in a serious voice. “The year was nineteen eighty-eight. Disco had been dead for eight or maybe nine years by that time; it’s debatable… and of course, disco was not dead. The record labels had simply started listing albums by bands and musicians who kept playing disco, as dance music.”

Darcy chimed in, “Early examples are bands like Erasure, Depeche Mode, Eurythmics, and Yaz.”

“Just to name a few,” Joe Bob continued, “each of whom have songs that appear in our film tonight, and let’s not forget that Yaz was actually called Yazoo in their native home of England, and the North of England is the land from which our movie tonight hails!”

“You gonna tell us the name, or what?” Darcy interjected, raising one of her thin eyebrows.

“But we haven’t told the folks at home why you made me wear this ridiculous hat yet, or why you’re dressed in that getup.”

Darcy cooed, “Don’t you just love it?!” as she ran her hands over the smooth stark-white material. “I feel incredible in this.” Someone off-stage wolf-whistled, and Darcy flashed them a smile.

“And it was made by a member of our mutant family, wasn’t it?” Joe Bob asked.

“Yes! It’s a company called Sammi’s Second Skins. The owner, Sammi, is a trans-man who is a wizard with things like vinyl and latex. This outfit looks a lot like what one of the victims is wearing when he’s killed in the nail gun scene.” Darcy could not help but to stroke her fingertips over the suit again. “So tell us what we’re watching.”

Joe Bob grinned into camera one as he declared, “Helter Skelter of Terror! Which has nothing to do with Charles Manson. What did he think the Beatles’ song Helter Skelter was telling him again? Was it telling him that he was Jesus, or maybe it told him he was Buddha? I think he thought it had something to do with when he and his followers, which he called the Family, revealed themselves to the world, after a civil war over race.” Joe Bob paused. “I don’t know what old Charlie thought when he heard the song, which he didn’t realize was actually about a children’s spiral playground slide that’s common at fairs in the UK.” Joe Bob turned to his fellow host. “But Darcy, tell us about the creator of Helter Skelter of Terror, and how the release of this film tonight finally came about.”

“Well,” Darcy began, “a young British director named Freya Kitchingside set out to make her debut film, and she managed to complete it.”

“Despite major financial setbacks with the studio,” Joe Bob added. “She called her film The Royal Maze during production, because she thought her title Helter Skelter of Terror would discourage some of the more upscale actors from auditioning.”

Darcy nodded. “Even though the film doesn’t have any big names. All of the actors were like her; they headed to an area outside of Manchester, made this incredible movie, and were never heard from again.”

“Which leads to this silly hat,” Joe Bob interjected, raising his eyebrows and looking up toward the top of his head.

“When Freya left the industry,” Darcy said with a grin, “she became a dog clown.”

Joe Bob’s eyes shifted to camera three. “I had no idea what a dog clown was.”

“There aren’t many of them out there,” Darcy explained. “Freya wanted to do something that brought her joy, and so she started visiting the local animal shelters in her area with baskets of toys and treats. After a while, she began dressing up in silly outfits and doing photo shoots with the dogs to help the shelters find homes for the animals in their care.”

“And we all know how much you love animals,” Joe Bob replied with a warm smile. He stared at camera one. “Helter Skelter of Terror has no animals, but it does have some killer vegetables!”

“I know,” Darcy exclaimed, “and that’s the most entertaining scene in the movie!”

“This really is a one of a kind film,” Joe Bob agreed. “Before we get to the drive-in totals though, the folks at home still don’t know why you’ve got me in this hat.”

Darcy nodded. “The next step Freya took in her clowning journey was to create little clown outfits for the dogs she was trying to help get adopted.”

Joe Bob made a skewed face. “So you mean to tell me I’m wearing a dog hat?”

Darcy smiled wide and nodded. “Mm-hmm!” she confirmed.

The young Shift girl brought her hands to her mouth to stop herself from laughing too loudly.

“And you wear it so well,” Darcy added. “For over thirty years, Freya has made a living helping dogs – and some cats – find homes, and she helps them look good while doing it!”

“What a wild story,” Joe Bob replied. “And am I correct that there aren’t any animals in Helter Skelter of Terror?”

“Right,” Darcy confirmed, “but like you said, it’s got some badass veggies.”

“Tell everyone how you convinced Freya to sell you the rights.”

Darcy grinned. “We did a photo shoot together!”

Joe Bob looked nervous. “Are they appropriate for the folks at home?”

Darcy winked at camera two. “Some of them are.”

“Austin!” Joe Bob called out. “Can we get one of those shots onscreen?”

A still image popped up of Darcy in a pair of very short cut-off jean shorts and a cleavagy top, standing beside a woman in her mid-fifties dressed in multi-colored cargo shorts and a striped shirt.

“That’s Freya,” Darcy stated. In the picture, each of the women was holding a dog, and many more dogs in a variety of breeds and sizes were around their feet or jumping up at them. “She’s holding a beagle-bulldog mutt puppy whose name is Sally, and I’m holding Winston,” Darcy said with a giggle. Winston was a pug. “He was a kisser! He licked off a bunch of my makeup before we were finished that day.” She laughed again. “It may be hard to tell, but even though Sally was only six months old at the time, she was already bigger than Winston.”

“Did Freya request that you do the photo shoot with her?” Joe Bob asked.

“Nope, I messaged her and offered to help boost her reach.” Darcy put the back of her hand up to the side of her mouth and whispered toward camera two in a conspiratorial tone, “I had ulterior motives.”

Joe Bob smirked. “You already knew who she was.”

Darcy made a coy face. “I already knew who she was. It took a little digging for me to confirm that she was indeed who I thought she was, but once I was certain, I contacted her. After we finished the photo shoot, we smoked a joint together, and that’s when I started telling her about how we celebrate all movies made the drive-in way. I got her to open up about Helter Skelter of Terror, and I told her I wanted to see it. Freya initially denied my request outright, but the more we talked, the more she opened up.”

“Did you find out the reason why it was never released?”

“I did,” Darcy confirmed. “Freya told me in ’88 she aired Helter Skelter of Terror for three entertainment reporters and the film’s executive producer, but they hated it so much, and they gave it and her such harsh reviews, that Freya used her own family’s money to purchase all the rights for the film from the struggling production company, and she walked away from the business. She’s kept up all the necessary fees to retain control, but she’s never shown Helter Skelter of Terror again, and she never mentions it. Freya was pretty shocked when I revealed that I had found the three harsh articles printed about a movie no one ever got to see.”

Joe Bob spoke up and asked, “But before you hunted down Freya Kitchingside, you found other movie reviews by those same three writers, and it turned out none of them were horror fans, right?”

Darcy rolled her eyes. “They weren’t, and their reviews were cruel.”

“Well we here on The Last Drive-in celebrate all the movies that the squares out there don’t understand or appreciate,” Joe Bob said with a smile and a nod, the silly dog hat still on his head. “Freya, we wish you’d have let your creativity out into the world, despite what those stuck-up snobby reviewers had to say about it. We mourn the other movies you might’ve made, if you hadn’t walked away from the film industry. Right, Darcy?”

She made a pouty face. “Yeah, Freya told me she was so proud of her completed work, but after she did the secret showing for the writers, their reviews destroyed her confidence, and she never looked back. She told me before the screening, she had planned on making Helter Skelter of Terror the first part in a trilogy of films she had percolating in her mind, but now we’ll never get the other two.”

Joe Bob frowned and turned to camera three. “That’s such a shame, and shame on you, reviewers, who crush the souls of artists. We here tonight are going to watch Helter Skelter of Terror. We’re gonna analyze it, discuss it, break it down, get confused by it, laugh at it… hell, we might even cry.”

“Oh, you’re definitely gonna cry again at that one scene,” Darcy declared.

“Ooof, that scene! You folks at home are in for a real treat tonight, so unless there’s anything else you’d like to tell us about Freya, Darcy?”

Camera two focused on the woman in white. “Freya lives with her wife outside of London, and they have an absolute herd of dogs that they’ve adopted over the years! She’s a real animal lover – like me – but yeah, there are no animals in the movie.” Darcy let out another squeak and added, “This is gonna be fun!”

“Yes it is.” Joe Bob looked into the main camera. “Well then let’s get right to it. Helter Skelter of Terror is the old familiar story of the traveling circus worker, Theodore, who falls in love with one of the members of a roaming group of vagabonds, Thomas – regularly referred to in the film by the derogatory term pikey – and Theodore and Thomas decide to run away together. They meet a one-legged butcher who ends up killing his own wife after she sleeps with the two protagonists… but then things get really nasty! Sure we’ve seen it before, but have we seen it with an inexplicable murderous giant vegetable attack on an old man? I think not!” Joe Bob turned to the show’s cohost. “One of the things Freya Kitchingside did was make her main characters a gay couple.”

“Which was progressive for 1988,” Darcy replied. “And really,” she added, “it would be more accurate to describe them as bi or maybe pansexual, like me!”

“The major complaints by all three reviewers who saw Kitchingside’s sneak preview screening though,” Joe Bob continued, “was that the two lovers were both men, and that she didn’t restrict their sexuality to have them only sleeping with other men.” He went on, “It’s the protagonists’ openness that causes problems for them with several groups they encounter throughout the film, including a coven of male witches who raise the dead. There’s an excessive amount of gore effects during the killings, of which there are quite a few. One person is dissolved in a vat of acid, only for their remains to be sieved out later as a psychic slime monster.” Joe Bob laughed.

“This movie really is something special,” Darcy declared.

“There’s a lot more to this crazy film, including a confusing story that never really concludes, which includes aliens, zombie-type undead creatures, music from the era, and gore effects on par with the likes of Lucio Fulci and Ruggero Deodato. Helter Skelter of Terror has a rather convoluted story, but the ending is well worth it! So why don’t we look at those drive-in totals and kick off this reviled picture for the audience who it was made for… drive-in mutants!” Joe Bob focused on camera one, and he began to read through the list that was slowly scrolling up the teleprompter in front of him.

The young Shift girl had been most excited for the drive-in totals, and she could barely stay in her seat. Joe Bob spoke, and she watched the special effects team’s test monitor as the words appeared onscreen beside his face.

“We have…”

 

22 Dead Bodies

7 Undead Bodies

1 Limbless Victim

No breasts

 

Joe Bob interrupted himself. “Which is normally grounds for a half-star deduction, but this movie earns that half-star back with the reveals of not one but…”

 

2 Wangdoodles

           

“Aaaand…”

 

4 Beautox

           

“We’ve also got…”

 

56 Gallons of Blood

19 Gallons of Slime-gloppola

99 On the Vomit-meter

Music by Erasure, Depeche Mode, Eurythmics, and Yazoo

An Alien Abduction that’s Central to the Plot

Gratuitous Sculling

 

Joe Bob made an aside to camera three. “That’s sculling, as in rowing, and not skulling as in people getting their skulls bashed in.” He shook his head and rolled his eyes as if the very idea was preposterous, and he looked forward again as he proceeded.

 

Gratuitous People Getting Their Skulls Bashed in

 

Several crewmembers snorted laughs as Joe Bob kept reading.

 

Gratuitous Stuffed Nile Crocodile Hung from a Ceiling

Gratuitous Queen of England Footage

Close-up of Fingers Chopped off

Meat Cleaver to the Cleavage

           

Darcy snickered.

 

1 Bucket of Worms

1 Bucket of Maggots

1 Bucket of Unidentifiable Sentient Slime

Psychic Mucous

 

Joe Bob turned to Darcy, who looked like she smelled something unpleasant, and he said, “The psychic mucous is one weird thing I’d never seen before in cinema.”

“It’s unnerving,” Darcy agreed.

Joe Bob smiled wide. “This movie’s got everything!”

 

Male-restrained Bondage

Man-whipping

Tickle Torture

Aardvarking While Fully Dressed

 

“Which I’ve always found impractical,” Joe Bob added.

“You just need to be a little more creative,” Darcy encouraged with a delighted squeak. “Sex with clothes on can be fun!”

Joe Bob gave Darcy a crooked look. “Seems so inconvenient.”

 

Penis Amputation

 

“All the men in the audience just cringed,” Joe Bob added. “Or I should say, all the people with wangdoodles in the audience just cringed.”

 

Heads Roll

Fingers Roll

Foot Rolls

Penis Rolls

 

Darcy hummed enthusiastically and said, “A penis roll sounds delicious!”

Joe Bob made another screwy face. “Sometimes I don’t know how to reply to the things you say.” Darcy let out a boisterous laugh as Joe Bob continued into camera one. “We’ve got psychotic veggies, people!”

 

Murderous Cucumbers

Killer Artichoke

Evil Cabbage

Cruel Broccoli

           

“We’ve also got…”

 

Eyeballs in a Blender

Spine Ripped out

Head Explodes

Head Implodes

           

Joe Bob looked over at Darcy. “Is there a difference?”

“Oh there is definitely a difference, especially in Helter Skelter of Terror, and the audience will be able to tell which is which.”

Joe Bob approached the end of the drive-in totals.

 

Fire Poker Fu

Shovel Fu

Screen Door Fu

Nail Gun Fu

 

Joe Bob turned to Darcy again. “This movie really does have everything, doesn’t it?”

 

Sledgehammer Fu

Phone booth Fu

Thames Fu

Twist-ending Fu

 

“Drive-in Academy Award nominations for… Geoffrey Wiggins, for being the film’s first victim in the role of Donny, and delivering the line, ‘Hey guys, I’ll be right back,’ before being trapped in a phone booth.” Joe Bob shot an inquisitive look in the direction of camera three. “You folks at home know those red telephone boxes they have over in the UK, kind of like Dr. Who’s blue tardis? It’s one of those. Well, the phone booth in the movie crushes Donny in a scene that isn’t quite explained, but is very satisfying to watch.”

Joe Bob continued. “Eleanor Smyth in the role of Sally, who says, ‘I really think I could fall in love with an alien,’ before being abducted by a UFO.

“Connor O’Brien as Todd, who took a swim in the Thames in the name of cinema during a time when the river was still questionably polluted; ’88 was right in the middle of the city’s cleanup of the river.

“Kenneth Abernathy as the one-legged butcher, for saying, ‘Dunno, never tried human, meself.’

“Dorothy Winifred as Edith, the butcher’s wife, for her fully-clothed sex scene, which actually manages to be incredibly sexy to watch.

“William Bennet in one of the two main roles as Bill, who shows his wangdoodle onscreen and gives us the line, ‘Thomas, I think I’m beginning to understand why humans taste of pork,’ in the middle of a casual conversation with the butcher who kills his wife for having a threesome with Bill and Thomas.

“Gunter Lopin as Thomas, who also shows his wangdoodle, and for delivering the lines, ‘Did you fart?’ without cracking a smile, ‘I’m only interested in men,’ while aardvarking with a woman, and for screaming the line, ‘I’ll fuck you, you fucking cabbage-fuck!” and delivering that line with conviction!

“And finally, Freya Kitchingside, the writer, director, editor, producer, one-woman film-making anomaly who created one of the most unique horror films – which is completely ridiculous and yet takes itself completely seriously – for her single deep-dive into cinema, never to return. Four Stars, Joe Bob says, ‘Check it out!’ And Freya,” Joe Bob continued, turning to camera three, “please allow me to apologize for the writers who made you leave the movie industry just as you were getting started. Writers can be cruel, and they often don’t take into consideration the feelings of the person they’re writing about. I would know; I’m a writer. So Freya, thank you for doing things the drive-in way.”

Joe Bob stopped talking, looked over at Darcy, and let out a sigh. “Whew! This movie is one hell of a rodeo.” He chuckled and repeated dramatically, “‘I’ll fuck you, you fucking cabbage-fuck!’”

Darcy giggled.

“They don’t write ’em like they used to,” Joe Bob declared.

“Gunter’s delivery of it is so good!” Darcy added. “His accent is great.”

“That’s one-time actor Gunter Lopin. He played this single role of Thomas and never made another movie. He was born in Lock Ness territory, in the village of Inverness way up in north Scotland, which explains his accent.”

“He owns a pub in Edinburgh,” Darcy chimed in. “Freya and I visited it. They hadn’t seen each other in years. He was shocked, not only that there was suddenly interest in Helter Skelter of Terror, but also that the film was about to get its world premiere. Freya and I couldn’t hunt down many members of the original cast, but Gunter was so nice. Also, Freya and I got a little tipsy in his pub.” Darcy giggled again.

Joe Bob looked into camera three. “You at home may also want to get a little tipsy for this one. We’re about to kick off the world premiere of Helter Skelter of Terror! Role it!” He turned to his fellow cohost as a projector screen began to descend from the ceiling behind them. “Darcy, Freya’s out there watching right now, isn’t she?”

Darcy smiled. “I hope so. Freya told me she would try to watch, but she was worried about how seeing it all again for the first time after so long would affect her.” Darcy stared into camera two. “Freya, I hope you’re watching. All the drive-in mutants out there are dying to see your movie, and they have nothing but love for you.” Darcy blew a kiss at the lens that was focused on her. “I’ll send you a private message once the movie starts.”

“Well let’s get into it!” Joe Bob took a sip of his Lone Star. “Pay attention to the intro, people; the entire cast and crew are listed in the opening credits, and I think you’ll notice how few people were actually involved in what you’re about to see. Helter Skelter of Terror is a perfect example of what a few dedicated and determined filmmakers can do when they set their hearts to it.”

“This movie really is pretty spectacular,” Darcy agreed.

“Freya Kitchingside,” Joe Bob concluded, “we salute you!”

Far from Texas, on the other side of the planet, the Shift boy in Sidney was the very first youth whose photonova gland activated. He was getting dressed for school, when the energies of the cosmos engaged his powers, and the results were terrible. He could feel a tingle in his eyes, like a spirit was tickling his retinas. He let out a little giggle, as two beams of plasma energy fired from his eyes with the radiant intensity equivalent to the surface of the sun. The boy’s laughter disappeared. The blasts had destroyed his bedroom wall, punched through the outside of his family’s house, and instantaneously blazed a path of destruction through the entire city. Fires simultaneously engulfed multiple Sydney neighborhoods, raging beyond what any firefighters in the city could have ever hoped to deal with, and the flames burned the entire metropolis to the ground.

In Hong Kong, the daughter of a fishmonger was asleep in her bed when her photonova gland activated. She was the first Biological Shift, and her body changed in a flash. The physiological change to Biological Shifts usually happens over the course of several days, but it can take as long as a few months. However, all in an instant as she slept, the girl went from a human of flesh and bone, to a being of pure electromagnetic energy. With the speed of light, her powers reached into the closest object with its own pulse of electromagnetism, and her energies touched her desktop computer.

Hong Kong went dark and became silent. Every light died; every electric hum was gone. Anything electronic had been deactivated; even the sources of electricity, the power stations themselves, were dead. In a flash, Hong Kong was sent back to the dark ages, but the effects of the girl’s powers were much, much further-reaching. The vast well of energy within her had accessed the World Wide Web, and it was no match for the cosmic radiation at her command. She did not mean to kill it, but the Internet died with the onset of her change, and communication around the entire world was cut off.

The boy in Vermont was headed home on the school bus. His stop was next. He was using his phone to upload a picture of his favorite snowboarder to his social media page, but when he hit POST, nothing happened. A little circle started spinning on his screen indicating he needed to wait. The boy rolled his eyes, but he became more frustrated when still nothing happened. He had no way of knowing that the Internet was suddenly no longer in existence.

The bus arrived at his stop, and he shoved his phone into his pocket as he stepped off the bright yellow vehicle. His shoes hit the dirt, and he reached for his phone again, but he was distracted by a vibration in the soles of his feet. It was not coming from the ground or his sneakers; the sensation was in him. He squatted down and brought his palms to the dusty street. The feeling tingled through his fingers, and to his surprise, the grains of sand and pebbles around his hands began to bounce and twitch. He stood, but he could still feel his connection to the earth, and he imagined the earth moving.

A buried stone that had not seen the light of day since being forced underground by a glacier during the last ice age, rose like a bubble through water. The rock pushed its way up and revealed itself in front of his feet. Without comprehending the consequences, the boy reached with his powers into the earth, and he could feel a much bigger stone. He did not realize that he was manipulating the entirety of the Champlain Thrust fault line, and he had no comprehension of the destruction he caused, as he commanded one side of the tectonic plate to rise, and the other to lower. Mountains collapsed; magma bubbled forth in vast molten rivers of lava, and the world was forever changed.

Of those first four Shifts, the youth onset for the filming of The Last Drive-in’s Helter Skelter of Terror episode was the final girl. She was the daughter of a crewmember, and it was her first time at a taping of the show. She had sat quietly through Joe Bob and Darcy’s discussion about the unseen film, and when the director called out for a cut in the recording, the girl jumped up from her seat with enthusiasm. It was at that moment that her energies were unleashed. In her excitement, she wished for the moment to never end and for everyone to stay together forever, and her powers of matter-manipulation were shockingly devastating.

Rotating out from the girl in geometric patterns, reality began folding over and into itself. It was as if the studio and everyone within it were part of the most grotesque origami, as humans were melded with everything on set. Chairs, lights, microphones, cables, even the sound stage beneath the actors’ feet were all disassembled by the girl’s powers, but so was every person. Their bodies came to pieces, and miscellaneous parts separated, only to fuse with steel and glass and wood.

Joe Bob’s head detached from his neck and floated toward an unraveling role of film from one of the cameras, as he repeated, “Darcy, this really burns my bacon!”

Darcy’s torso and head had attached to a piece of a lighting fixture and also one of John Brennan’s guitars. Her arms and legs were above her, spinning like a bizarre ceiling fan. “But Joe Bob, check it out,” Darcy exclaimed, “now you’re like David Gale in Re-Animator!”

“Who loses his head halfway through the movie,” Joe Bob’s disembodied head declared, “but he still finishes the movie!”

Darcy pouted as her head also separated from her body. “Now no one is ever going to get to see Helter Skelter of Terror, and I didn’t get to dress up in my killer cauliflower cosplay!”

“Good alliteration,” Joe Bob managed to say before the integrity of the structure was compromised by the Shift girl’s powers.

The exterior walls were twisted into the churning confusion of flesh and metal that was The Last Drive-in’s cast, crew, and set, and the building’s roof collapsed. The chaos of the girl’s unleashed powers came to an abrupt end.

With every hour that followed, more and more Shifts’ photonova glands began to activate around the world, and this was just the beginning★