A Love Story - 3. Chapter 3 - Mary Makes Her Case

The boy woke up and looked around until he remembered he was in a hospital or, more accurately, in an emergency psych ward for adolescents in New York City, Manhattan to be specific. He sighed heavily and pushed back the bedcovers before sitting up and looking around his room again. Up to his left was the barred and frosted window that only showed dim light into the room. To his right was the toilet, shower, and wash room. He rolled his body up until his feet hung over the floor. He put his bare feet on the cold, green linoleum tiles and stood up; and, then looked back at the bed momentarily wishing he could return to the dream he’d been having of sitting down by the bayou fishing for cats with his Uncle Joe Bob. But, then, he remembered his cousin touching him in that despicable way and being beaten by his mother when he told her what had happened. With that picture in his mind he walked over to the toilet room and relieved his morning need. He looked down at his penis and wondered why he didn’t have a foreskin like so many of his compatriots down in Mississippi. His knew his cousin had one because he’d pulled it back exposing the head if his cock, but when his cousin told him to kiss it like the worthless piece of shit he was he retched until his vomit smothered his cousin’s cock. He watched his penis harden at that thought, but he turned away from the toilet without flushing and returned to his room.

After putting on some clothes, the boy walked out of his room into the dayroom of the unit. No other children were up yet, but he went to the counter and asked, “When is breakfast?”

“And, you are?”

“I’m Benny.”

“Benny who?”

“Benny Hensley.”

“Oh, yes, one moment, let me get a nurse,” the nursing assistant said, “You have a morning medication.”

After a few minutes, someone came to a place at the counter where there was an opening about a foot wide and a few inches high. The person said, “Benny, come over here, I have your morning medication.”

“What is it?” Benny asked.

“Diazepam, it will help you relax.”

“If I relax too much, Troy will come out,” Benny said.

“Don’t worry, this is a low dose.”

“Well, okay, but don’t be surprised if Troy comes out.”

Benny put the pill in his mouth and swallowed it and the water in the other paper cup. He looked around the dayroom, but none of the other patients had awoke and come out. After putting the paper cups back on the counter, he went over to the TV and tried to figure out how to turn it on. It didn’t seem to have an on/off switch or for that matter a channel selection knob.

“Can I watch TV?” he asked no one in particular.

“No, not until the other patients come out of their rooms,” someone in the cage said.

Benny sat down in one of the recliners and pushed the seatback until it was in a reclining position. After a while, he got that feeling, again, except he didn’t do anything to stop the transition that was coming.

“What the fuck be goin’ on here?” Troy yelled.

The staff in the cage looked out through the screens at the recliner where only a few minutes ago Benny sat down. One of them took out a syringe and a bottle of a sedative all the while watching that chair in the dayroom.

“I said what the fuck be happenin’,” Troy yelled. “Where the fuck you got me?”

Troy stood up and looked around the dayroom. His focus was drawn toward the cage and he walked up to it trying to figure out who was in there and why they were keeping him in this place.

“Who you be?” Troy yelled as he his hands grabbed the screen and began pulling at it. “Why you got me here?”

“Young man, quit yelling,” a nurse in the cage said.

“I don’ have to, bitch!” Troy yelled. “Why won’ you tell me why I here?”

“I think the bad alter has come out,” one of the nurses said. “I’ll call the attending to see what we should do.”

“The hell with checking, we need to sedate this boy,” the male nurse with the syringe said. “He’s definitely out of control.”

“Just a minute; Dr. Treacher, the DID patient in the adolescent emergency ward is acting out,” a nurse said. “We request to sedate him for the safety of the other patients. … He has already been given 0.5 mg of Diazepam, per Dr. Goldmeier’s instructions. … Yes, doctor, we have that in stock and we’ll inject 3 mg IM. Thank you, doctor. Okay, guys, let’s get him down and put him away.”

Three male nursing assistants came out of the cage followed by the nurse with the injection. They came up to Troy and manhandled him to the floor.

“What you doin’ to me?” Troy yelled. “Why you pulling my pants down? Ow! What you doin’?”

A minute or so passed before Troy relaxed to where the nursing assistants could pick him up and half walked him to the quiet room, which had a rubber mattress on the floor. They laid the now sleeping Troy on the floor, arranged him in a comfortable position, and left him to sleep off his outburst.

* * *

A number of hours later, Benny opened his eyes and looked around the room he was in. Above him a single lightbulb shone behind a wire frame. The walls were painted with a sickly shade of beige and he noticed he was lying on a plastic pad. He sat up and looked at the door. He thought of laying back on the pad, but he got to his feet and walked over to the door. He pushed it and was surprised it easily opened to his touch. He looked across the dayroom at the cage before walking over to it. A nurse looked up at him and asked, “Yes?”

“Can I have something to eat?” Benny asked. “I think I missed breakfast.”

“You missed lunch, too, but wait here and we’ll make up something for you to eat,” the nurse said.

Benny turned around and saw that five of the six recliners were occupied by others like him. There were three boys: two blacks, and a boy with brown skin, and, yet, Caucasian features, so he didn’t know what the boy was. The other two chairs were occupied by two white girls, one with fuzzy black hair and the other with straight blonde hair. He looked up at the TV, but didn’t know what they were watching.

“Troy? I have your meal,” someone said at his side.

“No, I’m Benny.”

“The good alter.”

“Yes.”

“Okay, come over to one of the dining tables and I’ll supervise you.”

“You don’t have to watch me eat,” Benny said as he walked across the room toward two tables under a row of barred and frosted windows.

“I’ll not be watching you eat,” the man said. “I’ll be there so that none of the other patients interrupt you.”

“Oh, okay, I guess.”

Benny sat down and the man placed a tray in front of him. There was a small box of skim milk, a white bread sandwich of unknown content, a small covered tub of something dark, and a small bowl with two halves of peeled apple. He lifted the top slice of bread off the sandwich and saw a slice of something that might have been white cheese sitting on top of a few slices of white meat.

“No ham?” he asked.

“Ham isn’t kosher,” the man said.

“I’m not Jewish.”

“Doesn’t matter, some of the other patients might be.”

“I suppose the meat is chicken or turkey because they don’t produce milk and the cheese is made from milk.”

“You’re a smart kid.”

“No, I used to go to a school in Upstate New York where we got this kind of sandwich all the time.”

“Hurry up and eat your meal,” the man said. “Your psychiatrist will be down here in a few minutes.”

Benny worked through the food, but he didn’t hurry. He knew Troy might come out at any time and he didn’t want to be put back in that room with the rubber mattress. After a couple of minutes, one of the girls who was watching TV came over and stood at his left shoulder.

“Marybeth, please return to your chair,” the man said.

“He’s eating, why aren’t you feeding us?” Marybeth asked.

“He missed breakfast and lunch because he was in the quiet room.”

“Oh, can I have a snack?”

“Go up to the counter and ask.”

“Oh, sure, like that’s going to happen.”

Benny watched her standing beside him and then she walked back to her recliner and sat down. He picked up his sandwich and took a bite. The bread was dry as sawdust; the cheese might have tasted like soap, if it had any flavor at all; and the meat had the tang of something that had spent too much time in a refrigerator. Not wanting to be seen as ungrateful, he finished eating the sandwich and then peeled the foil cover off the gelatin dessert. It was so dark he couldn’t tell if it was red, blue, or maybe purple, but he wasn’t certain. He used the plastic spoon to remove a piece and put it in his mouth. The taste was something between some unknown fruit and acrid lemon juice. Again, not wanting to be seen as ungrateful, he ate all of it. He picked up the first piece of apple and took a bite. He realized it wasn’t an apple, but was a pear. He finished the first piece and then tackled the last piece. Finally, he opened his milk and swallowed the watery liquid wishing he had drank it while eating his arid sandwich.

“Okay, I’m done,” Benny said.

“Good boy, now go over and sit in your recliner,” the man said.

Benny got up from the table and walked over to the line of six recliners. The first five were occupied by the other patients, but when he tried to sit down on the sixth recliner, the boy named Abe, sitting in the recliner next to his, said, “Uh, uh, that’s David’s.”

“David who?” Benny asked.

“He was here, but he’s gone now, but he might be back so we have to keep his chair open.”

“That’s stupid. I sat here yesterday and you didn’t say anything.”

“You calling me stupid?” Abe asked as he stood up. “I’ll tell you right now, that you can’t sit in that chair. Now, go to your room and leave us alone.”

“Okay, sure, have it your way,” Benny said as he walked away from the recliner and walked over to the cage.

Unfortunately, the other boy followed him and inserted himself between him and the cage.

“I told you to go to your room,” Abe said loudly.

“Maybe, I don’t want to,” Benny said.

“Not the right answer, fool,” Abe said as he stood back a few inches and took a swing at Benny’s face.

Benny moved away at the last second and the fist passed within inches of his nose. He reached out with his hands and pushed the other boy away and up against the counter.

“Hey! I’m not doing anything to provoke you,” Benny said. “Why are you trying to pick a fight with me?”

“Fucker, what did you do with David?” Abe yelled. “He was here the other day and now he’s gone. Where did you put him?”

He grabbed Benny’s shirt and yelled, “I’m talking to you, fucker; where’s David? What did you do with him?”

Three male nursing assistants came out of the cage and wrestled the boy away from Benny. They forced him down to the floor and a nurse came up, pulled his pants down a bit, and injected a sedative into the deep muscles of his hip. In a few minutes, the boy went limp and the nursing assistants picked him up. They half carried him to the quiet room and after a few moments came out and shut the door.

All this time, Benny stood by the counter and stared at what was occurring. He didn’t know what to do, so he remained where he was.

“Benny, go and sit down in your chair,” a voice inside the cage said.

He did as he was told and after sitting down, he looked up at the TV. It was some sort of news program, but the woman commentator was speaking a foreign language. There were no subtitles, so he didn’t know what was being said, but he sat there and watched anyway. There was nothing else to do.

Benny was sitting in his recliner totally spaced out in the foreign language news program when someone touched his shoulder. He looked up and saw one of the male nursing assistants.

“Dr. Goldmeier is here to talk to you,” the nursing assistant said.

“Oh, sure, okay,” Benny said. He stood up and followed the man to the interview room. The nursing assistant stood aside and Benny walked into the room and heard the door close behind him. Dr. Goldmeier was sitting in the chair she’d used the previous day.

“Good afternoon, I understand you had an incident this morning,” Dr. Goldmeier said.

“Yeah, Troy came out after they gave me that pill,” Benny said.

“Well, we certainly won’t do that, again. Otherwise, how do you feel today?”

The switch occurred faster than Benny could react and the alter said, “Oh, not too bad considering. I know the boys are having a bit of trouble here, so I’ll try to maintain some semblance of order. Okay, Dr. Goldmeier?”

“Mary, why did you come out?”

“Benny’s too timid to stop me and I like to see the light of day now and then. Besides, he had his chance today and fucked up by letting Troy out.”

“I don’t think he can stop it, like he can’t stop you from coming out.”

“Yeah.”

“Mary, when did you realize you were part of the mind that Benny occupies?”

“Oh, very early, actually. You see Mommy, that’s what we called her, always wanted a girl and when I was born she called me Mary until I had to go to school. She knew the school authorities would question her why her son went by Mary.”

“But, you didn’t go away, did you?”

“Oh, no, I stayed around and would come out now and then to play with my dollies that Mommy hadn’t thrown away. Benny kept getting in trouble when Mommy or one of our many daddies caught me playing dolls. He never did figure out why he was getting beaten.”

“Don’t you feel sorry about how Benny was treated?”

“No.”

“Why is that?”

“Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it? He’s the boy Mommy didn’t want and had to put up with that shit until Troy came out.”

“Benny told me about an incident at his Uncle Joe Bob’s.”

“Oh, yeah, that. Benny was there at first, but after Cousin James Alexander put his willy in Benny’s mouth he puked and made James Alexander mad. He took Benny into the toilet and after washing his willy he made it hard again and I came out and did just what James Alexander said.”

“Weren’t you disgusted by being forced to perform that sex act?”

“Oh, no, Dr. Goldmeier; that’s what girls do for boys and I kept doing it until he squirted his stuff in my mouth. He told me to swallow it and I did. It was fun and I told him afterward if he wanted to fuck me, I’d let him.”

“Did he?”

“No, he said he didn’t fuck boys.”

“But, did he make you perform oral sex on him, again?”

“Sure, but don’t you see, it was me doing that, not Benny.”

“And, he was beaten when he told your mother.”

“That’s how stupid he is. That’s why I wish he was gay. Then we could have all sorts of fun with boys and he wouldn’t have to be there when I’m having sex with those boys.”

“Are you certain he won’t be there?”

“What if he is? Maybe, he’ll learn to enjoy having sex with boys.”

“Tell me about Troy.”

“He’s stupid. All that talk about being a black and wanting to get in with either the Bloods or the Crips. He has no idea. He’s a fool.”

“Don’t you fear him?”

“Frankly, no, and do you want to know why? If he isn’t acting stupid I let him be, but when he starts being a threat to me, I take over and put him back where he belongs.”

“Do you see yourself as the controlling alter?”

“What do you mean by alter?”

“Troy Benjamin Hensley has, as far as I’m now aware, three alternate personalities: You, Benny, and Troy. All three of you are alters of the whole. What I must do in the days, weeks, months, and, in all likelihood, years to come is help all of you determine which of you three will be the permanent dominant personality.”

“You mean you want me and Troy to go away forever?”

“That is my task.”

“Is there an alternative?”

“Not that I know of, but what you and Benny need to do is help me put Troy back in his cage and keep him there. Only then will we be able to determine whether you or Benny is going to be the dominant.”

“What happens now in the immediate future?”

“We’re going to move you up to one of the adolescent psychiatric treatment wards where you’ll stay until we can determine if it’s safe to release you out into public.”

“What if we don’t make it there?”

“Frankly, if the two of you can’t control Troy and he becomes a physical threat to other patients, we might have to consider a civil commitment.”

“Well, then I guess I’ll have to watch Troy more closely.”

“Do you think you can?”

“Sure, no problem. I’ve done it before and I can do it again.”

“Mary, I want to talk to Benny, now.”

“Oh, okay, but if you do Troy might come out and I might not be able to stop him.”

The switch was immediate and Benny said, “Well, I missed breakfast and lunch because Troy came out; and, they gave me a meal that was disgusting, but considering I’m in a hospital, I suppose it was the best they could do.”

“Yes, the food here in the Evaluation Unit is rather plain. Are you aware I was speaking with Mary?”

“Who?”

“Your other alter, she’s a girl.”

“A girl?”

“Yes, weren’t you ever aware of her?”

“No.”

“She told me she was the daughter your mother always wanted and called you Mary until you went to school. Then later when you were growing up she would come out and play with her dolls and you’d get spanked when your mother or father caught you.”

“And, this Mary is in my head with Troy and me?”

“Yes.”

“Who else is in there?”

“No one else as far as I’ve been able to determine.”

“That’s weird. Does that mean I’m really crazy and you’re going to have to lock me up in an insane asylum?”

“No, we don’t have insane asylums anymore. But, what I need to do is help you control when Troy comes out. Once we’ve done that, well, you should be able to go back in foster care and see me, or another mental health professional of your choice, until the personalities of you and Mary can be resolved into one entity.”

“I certainly would like to learn how to control Troy. He really is a pain in the you know what.”

“Well, that will be my task in the coming weeks and months.”

“Months?”

“Maybe, years.”

“Wow! I am sick, aren’t I?”

“Yes, Benny, you are officially mentally ill.”

“That certainly messes up what I might be as an adult, but maybe I’ll be able to work in Ernie’s restaurant over in Brooklyn until I can make it on my own.”

“We’ll certainly try for a good outcome on this. That’s all I can offer.”

“Dr. Goldmeier, can we stop for today? I want to think about some things.”

“Okay, Benny, you can go now. They’ll be moving you upstairs later this afternoon and I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Yeah, sure, I guess.”

* * *

Benny sat in his room staring at the door to the toilet room. There was quite a wide gap between the side of the door and the jamb when it was open. He looked around his room and his eyes fell on his top bedsheet. Almost mechanically, he got up and tore his bedcovers apart until he was holding the sheet. Unknowingly, he began to weep as he tied a knot in the end of the sheet. He pulled the sheet over to the door and jumped up with the sheet in his hands trying to get the end with the knot over the door. It took five tries before he accomplished that task.

He was blubbering quite loudly as he stretched the sheet out and looped it around his neck. He tied somewhat of a knot and pulled it tight to his throat. He stared at nothing, totally surprised that his alters weren’t trying to stop this.

Benny cried out and dropped toward the floor.