Invisible Scars - 1. Story

"Hey John. It's good to see you again." Ramiro had his jacket in one hand as he opened the door to his dorm room at John’s knock. "Did you have a good summer?" He stepped back so John could walk in. John looked at him, not sure if he was coming or going.

"Yeah. I wish I could have spent more time with you guys, but I had to work at one of my dad's stores, and then football practice started a few weeks ago. How about you? You just got back this morning, right?"

“Yeah, my family went on vacation to Mexico last week to end the summer. It was great.”

“That sounds like a lot more fun than running drills like I was.”

"I heard the team's pretty good this year. Not nearly as good as the soccer team though." Ramiro flashed a grin over his shoulder as John followed him into the room.

"Yeah right!" John laughed. He'd become pretty good friends with Ramiro last semester when he started dating Kiron, Ramiro's roommate and best friend. "That's why the school has so many soccer championships."

Ramiro flipped him off just as Kiron rolled into the room. "Oh, snappy comeback, Ram." He laughed at Ramiro who was digging around in a bowl by the door.

"Screw you and the wheelchair you rode in on; it was a great comeback.” Ramiro flipped Kiron off over his shoulder.

John laughed as he moved to sit on Kiron's bed as the man rolled up to him. Kiron fisted a handful of his shirt and pulled him forward. "Hey babe, did you have a good practice today?"

"Yeah, we--" He was cut off when Kiron's mouth closed over his. His pink lips were just as soft and warm as the first time he kissed John. The jock closed his eyes, leaning forward as Kiron's hand let go of his shirt, sliding up his chest to hold onto the back of his neck.

"Gross!" Ramiro said in mock disgust. "Am I going to have to see this every time I spend any time with you two this year?"

Kiron pulled back for just a moment, speaking with his lips just above John's. "Yes." His eyes twinkled, and John lost himself in them. He didn't even listen as the roommates traded a few more quips; he was too busy drinking in the sight of his boyfriend.

They'd met when Kiron tutored him for his algebra class the year before. He'd had the biggest crush on the beautiful man, but one thoughtless comment about going to play football had made Kiron angry with him. John had thought it was because he was gay; it turned out Kiron thought he was making fun of him for being in a wheelchair.

He'd felt like a complete ass when he turned around and saw the man sitting in his low back chair; his muscular chest and arms a stark contrast to the thin legs Kiron couldn't use anymore. He'd always be thankful that Kiron had the strength to confront him and stop him from running away; otherwise he might not have such a great guy for a boyfriend. He'd been really busy that summer and earned a nice bit of spending money for the year, but he'd missed seeing Kiron other than a few short trips.

"Earth to John."

John blinked when Kiron's long slender fingers waved in front of his face.

"Hey," he said with a smile. He looked around. “Did Ramiro leave?”

“Yeah, I thought you missed that when he called you whipped right before he walked out.” Kiron laughed. "You're a bit out of it; are you sure you want to help me unpack?"

John ran a tan hand down Kiron's pale face; he loved the contrast of their skin. Gently, he cupped his chin and pulling Kiron in for another kiss. "Of course. I’m fine; I'm a little tired from all the football practice, but mostly I just missed you."

"Hmm . . . missed you too."

***

School started and Kiron began tutoring again. It gave him something to do when John was busy. It seemed like his boyfriend was never around. When they finally did get together, he was always affectionate, but often distracted. To spend more time with him, Kiron actually changed one of his classes to a literature class that John was in. They met up at class and spent time studying together, but weekends belonged to football games.

Kiron noticed one of the male cheerleaders was pretty friendly with John, and he couldn't help but feel a little jealous. He sat there watching as the guy stood up, calling John to his seat. They were the same height and the cheerleader was pretty built, with wide shoulders. He even looked kinda cute, though Kiron thought the school's orange and green uniform looked pretty tacky on him with his red hair.

John didn't even wave as the bus left, though Kiron sat there waiting. He frowned, feeling a bit disgruntled. Turning his chair, he rolled back to the dorm. The slight drop into the elevator knocked his knees together, and he grunted at the pain. He really wished the school would fix it; he’d asked the school to fix it five times over the last two years. He certainly paid enough for the dorm room; they should have the money.

He'd talked with Ramiro about getting off campus housing, but transportation would have been an issue, so they decided against it. Ramiro didn’t want to have to get up earlier, plus he said getting a girl to go back to his place riding the bus would be embarrassing. There were times when Kiron regretted it though. There wasn't much privacy when sharing a dorm, and while he didn't care if Ram saw his body, he'd yet to let John see him naked.

That sort of reveal wasn't something he wanted to do in an hour he arranged for Ram to be gone. He didn't really want to deal with that whole thing, so he'd been putting off getting more intimate with John. He’d wanted to show his boyfriend who he felt for a while and get to cuddle skin to skin, but that was also the problem.

They were guys. They’d been together for a while, and Kiron knew his own libido wasn’t that strong but John’s probably was. Mentally, Kiron wanted to be with John, to finally touch him and taste him. He wanted it really bad, actually. What held him up was the thought of John doing the same to him. He'd thought he could work his way up to the scary reality of letting John see every inch of his ruined body. The scars were bad enough, though they had faded.

His hands rested on his bony knees. His legs weren't totally shriveled, since he used his hands to keep them limber with exercises his therapist had trained him to do, but they had next to no muscle. Even though he could get an erection, he couldn't ever top so he figured he'd just have to be the bottom. The idea of John having to touch his legs, feel them as he knelt over him . . .

He frowned and sighed. He'd put it off because he couldn't even stand picturing it in his mind, much less having him actually do it. John was so strong; his muscles were defined and solid. He often played football with his friends in just a pair of athletic shorts and the way they clung to his round ass had given Kiron lots of fantasy material.

Lately John had been putting his hands under his shirt, stroking his skin. It had made Kiron uncomfortable at first, knowing he had to feel the ridges of the scars, but he'd gotten to love the way the firm strokes left trails of warmth behind. John never hesitated when he felt the changes in the skin, never acted like it bothered him as he continued to caress Kiron’s stomach and chest when they snuggled on the couch.

Even though they had been dating a while, Kiron had thought he was getting close to being ready. He thought they would have time.

He might have waited too long though.

If that cheerleader was flirting with John, how long would it be before he decided that a whole man would make a better boyfriend?

***

"Hey John!"

"Hey Bailey, how's it going?"

John, Ramiro, and Kiron were sitting at a table in the pizza parlor, eating their usual. The taco pizza was half gone and Kiron's pepperoni and mushroom had just a few slices taken out of it. They'd been watching a college football game and just hanging out. It'd been a while since they'd had that chance and Kiron had been enjoying himself, a lot.

John waved at the redhead who came over to their table.

"It's going. I'm just getting a pizza with some friends, enjoying the weekend off."

"Me too!" John smiled. Bailey had started talking to him a few weeks into the season. He was one of the male cheerleaders so he rode with the footballers. The team knew he was gay, especially since he talked about Kiron all the time. Since quite a few of the guys on the team had help from him in their math classes, Kiron was pretty well known. One of the coaches was a bit of an ass, but the college had strict anti-discrimination policies, so John didn’t worry about getting kicked off the team.

"Oh?" Bailey leaned over John's body, brushing against him. "Nice to meet you, I'm Bailey." He held out his hand to the other two guys. John shifted a little, but didn't say anything.

"Oh, sorry." John blushed. "This is Ramiro and Kiron. Where are your friends?"

Bailey didn't step back after he stood up. "Good to meet you guys." His hip brushed against John's shoulder as he turned a little to point out two girls at the front counter. One of them waved.

"Dude, you're friends with Stacey?" Ramiro may like soccer better but that didn't stop him from watching the football team play. His attention did wander to the cheerleaders an awful lot though. Kiron was always teasing him about it, though John laughed when Ramiro told Kiron that he could appreciate the footballer's asses enough for both of them.

Bailey laughed. "Yeah, why? You interested?"

Ram looked at him like he was nuts. "Well duh. Of course."

"You want me to introduce you sometime?"

Ram stood up really fast, wiping his hands and face. "How about now?"

Bailey laughed again. "Sure thing." He patted John on the shoulder, letting his hand slide down his arm a bit. "I'll see you later John."

John just nodded. "See you."

He'd seen Kiron's hands curl into fists. John flicked his eyes up to his face and Kiron looked mad. Really mad.

He spoke quietly when Bailey and Ramiro walked away. "Babe, what's wrong?"

Kiron's eyes widened. "What's wrong? Really," his voice was incredulous, "are you seriously asking me that?"

John was confused. "Yes?"

"Jesus fucking Christ, you are blind? That guy was all over you and you just sat there eating it up!" Kiron hissed. "And what the hell was up with introducing me like that?"

"Like what? I just told him your name. Besides, Bailey flirts with everyone; that is just the type of guy he is." John clenched his hands on the table. The last couple of weeks Kiron had been really distant. John had done everything he could, even stopping at Kiron's dorm room several nights after practice before he headed home to his apartment.

"Exactly. You didn't say this is my boyfriend, Kiron, did you? Do you even want to be boyfriends, or are you just waiting for me to get the hint that you're not interested anymore?"

John's mouth fell open. His voice rose in anger, "What the hell do you mean by that? I've been the one coming to your place and putting out all the effort. You're the one who pulled back and has been brushing me off!"

Kiron glared at him. "Well how else was this going to end up?" He waved a hand between them. "I'm not the type of guy you need, or you want. I can't give you the things he can.” Kiron sneered. “Hell, I bet your little cheerleader friend would put on out the first date. I know that no one wants to be known as the guy who dumped his cripple boyfriend. I'm just trying to make this easy on you."

John stood up abruptly. "You know what? Fuck you, Kiron, because that's not me. That shit is all you." He turned around and walked off, his shoulders stiff. He could feel people staring at him. His stride lengthened until he was practically running to his car.

Finally out of sight at his car parked around the corner, he sat rigid in his seat, his hands clenched around the steering wheel. He was breathing hard, and his eyes burned. He closed them, just trying to slow down his breathing. He'd been angry when he was in the pizza parlor, but when he got to the car and tried to put the key in the ignition his hand shook too much to start the car.

Fear swamped him. He had no idea why Kiron had said those things. John didn't want Bailey, and he didn't want to break up with Kiron.

He loved him.

***

"Dude, what the hell was that!" Ram rushed over to the table where Kiron was sitting. His hands were clenched on the arms of his chair. His lips were clamped shut, a thin white line as he stared at the table. "Kiron?"

Kiron shook his head. He knew everyone was staring, including the cheerleader. The guy would give John what he couldn’t now that he'd pushed John away. Kiron’s felt like someone had kicked him in the stomach. He had to get out of there.

"I gotta go." He reached down and undid the brakes of his chair. He didn't look at anyone on his way out of the pizza parlor. He shoved the door open with his useless legs. He pushed hard, sending his chair rushing down the sidewalk. The day was sunny and cold, with a sharp wind that made his eyes water.

He pulled on the left wheel and gave the right a spin, turning the corner sharp. He went to push on the wheels again, but his arms slipped when he realized he was staring right at John still sitting in his car. Their eyes met.

Kiron's lips parted. John's face was etched with pain.

He’d done that. He looked down, closing his eyes, but he couldn't erase the knowledge of the mistake he made and the pain he caused. But how long could it have lasted between them, really?

A loud squeal made him jump. John's car sped off. Kiron didn't turn around; he didn't want to see the taillights disappearing. That would be just too cliché.

His burst of speed over, he slowly wheeled the six blocks back to the dorms. Once he was in his room he just sat by the bed and stared out the window. He couldn't blame the wind for the tears that kept falling from time to time.

Ram burst into the room a few minutes later; he threw down the pizza boxes in his hands onto the desk. "Kiron, man, what the hell is up with you?"

"I don't know," Kiron said quietly. "I have no idea what that was."

"I have never seen you act like that," Ram said, "never. I thought the you and John thing was great. I mean, you don't talk about it much, but I just figured. He's over here all the time."

"Ram, that guy was all over him. He sits with him on the bus, and they're together on away games and stuff."

Ram plopped down on the bed facing him. "What does that mean, really, other than this guy has a crush on John? Have you seen John treat him any differently than the other guys?"

"No."

"Did he react to Bailey touching him tonight somehow?"

"He introduced me as a friend! If he didn't want that guy touching him, don't you think he would have made a point to tell him I was his boyfriend, so he'd know to back the hell off?"

Ram smirked. "I get it now. You're jealous."

"I am not!" Kiron objected. He dropped his gaze and fidgeted with his chair brakes.

Ramiro shoved him on the shoulder. "Dude, you so are. The question is why? That is what you must ask yourself."

Kiron rolled his eyes. "You did not just say that!"

"Hey, I can watch Dr. Phil and other tell me your feelings quacks on TV. I know about the whole unanswered questions therapy device." He held out a hand. "Now give me my three hundred bucks!"

In spite of the pain and anger Kiron was feeling, which was mostly directed at himself, he had to smile. He blew out a long breath and shook his head. "How about a check?"

"Dude, don't write a check your ass can't cover. And I've seen how tiny your ass is . . . so I want cash. Besides," he reached over and pulled out a slice of taco pizza, "you guys left me with the pizza tab!"

*

Kiron's dreams were filled with John. His mind constantly turned to him during the day, but he didn't see him. The one class they had together wasn't until Thursday. When Kiron went to the lecture, half dreading and half hoping John would be there, he slumped in his chair after he rolled in and saw the chair next to his spot empty. He didn't even realize he was blocking the way until someone behind him complained.

He'd had plenty of time on his own, and with Ramiro giving him his 'free advice', to realize that he had lashed out because of his own fear. He needed to talk to John, but he just wasn't anywhere to be found. Kiron didn't want to just show up at his apartment, but he would if he had to. He hadn't realized how much he depended on his boyfriend and how much John's quick stops in to say hello had meant to him. He didn’t want to go to his place and find him with a new guy though,especially if it was Bailey; that would kill him, but he didn't have much of a choice with John avoiding him.

He'd really fucked things up.

Now he had to fix them, if it wasn’t too late.

He waited for Saturday night, barely able to stand the day's wait without classes or tutoring to distract him. He'd done his assigned course work and even read ahead, but there was only so much studying a body could do. When the food hall's mac and cheese threatened to come back up on him, Kiron gave up on eating too. No way did he want to taste that stuff twice.

In his dorm, he kept rolling to and from the window and the door. Looking at the sky, he saw a lot of dark clouds building; he hoped it wouldn't storm. There were a lot of shouts and people milling around; there was a football game early that evening and the weather didn't bother the fans. Kiron waited as long as he could, but finally he couldn't take it anymore.

He grabbed a jacket and then headed over to John's apartment. It was a long trip and he had to take two buses, but he didn't care.

He was going to wait however long it took. He created the mess; he'd clean it up.

***

John was tired, not from the game they'd won, but from just basic lack of sleep. He was full of nervous energy as he left the locker room. He wasn't sure if he was going to run into Kiron; he'd managed to avoid him during the week because he knew his schedule. He broke out of the crowd, relieved he might make it off campus.

"John!"

His shoulders hunched a little. He didn't realize he was holding his breath until Ramiro jogged up in front of him and his shoulders dropped as he let it out with a whoosh. "Hey Ramiro." He looked around, but he didn't see Kiron. He relaxed a little more.

"How's it going man? Good win."

"Thanks. I'm good, I guess."

Ramiro looked at him skeptically. "Really? Cause you look kind of wiped actually."

John shrugged. "I haven't been sleeping so well lately." He slumped onto a bench, and Ramiro sat down next to him.

"Neither has Kiron." If Ramiro was waiting for John to say something, he would be waiting for a long time. John just stared at him. "Look. Kiron's my best friend, and I've been with him through a lot. He's got some serious hang ups about himself. He saw that guy hanging on you, and I think that spilled over into that scene last week. He's worried that you want someone who isn't crippled or that maybe you'll cheat on him or something if he can't be what you want."

John exploded. "I've never even come close to cheating on him! I know he's worried about me seeing him, an idiot could see that. I told him the chair wasn't a problem; I just want him. I can't deal with a jealous boyfriend that flies off the handle every time a guy flirts with me."

"Have you told him that?"

John shook his head. "He pushed me away; I'm not going to chase him."

Ramiro rolled his eyes. "Look man, he's insecure. He's never had a boyfriend before because he's so worried about how they would see him. He's twenty and a virgin, because the damn accident happened when he was just fourteen. He's scared as fuck that you're going to be disgusted by his body and reject him. I think this was his way of rejecting you first."

John ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know if can deal with this right now."

"I thought you wanted him."

"I do!"

Ramiro stood up. "Then you better be prepared to step up. Kiron deserves someone who will do that. He doesn't have any plans this weekend, so he'll be at our room. I'm spending the day with Stacey tomorrow, so do yourself a favor and go see him, okay? I'm sure you can work it out; besides, I'm sick of doing my Dr. Phil impression."

"I'll think about it." John wasn't willing to commit to doing anything right then. He just wanted to go home and collapse in front of the TV. "Good luck with Stacey."

Ramiro grinned. "Thanks man. I've been wanting to ask her out for a while now. She's smoking!"

John laughed a little. "If you say so."

"Hey, just because you're gay, don't be hating. She's gorgeous."

"Just consider me one less man to compete with."

"That is a plus. With your muscles and Kiron's face no lady would even notice me if you two were on the prowl."

"Yeah, right. No one even looks at me twice." John looked at Ramiro's slim body, his large eyes that were so dark brown they were almost black and his full lips. "You know you're way hotter than me."

"Plus secure enough in my masculinity to take being eyed and complimented by a gay man and say thanks." Ramiro flashed his usual cocky smile, the one that seemed to impress the ladies so much. "Don't put yourself down so much. You've got a great body and I swear your eyes look like melted pools of milk chocolate and that ring around them makes them stand out. And no, I'm not interested," he grinned, "I just know pretty when I see it."

John rolled his eyes and Ramiro laughed. "Plus you're a great guy who has treated my best friend like he deserves. I know you're frustrated, but don't shut him out because you're angry. I know Kiron; he's just scared and trying to push you away before you can leave him. I don't think he knew how wide of a jealous streak he had."

John shrugged one shoulder. "You know, you're oddly insightful and in touch with your emotions. Are you sure you're straight?"

Ramiro laughed again. "Thanks for the stereotype man. A straight guy can't go beyond a caveman show of sympathy and understanding?" John shrugged. "Besides, I'm a psych major."

John raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know that."

"I've seen a lot of people in my life go through problems and wished I could help them. This way, I can. Even if it's just to listen when a friend needs it and tell them what they already know."

John rolled his eyes. "I get it." He held out his hand. "Look, thanks Ramiro. I'll think about talking to Kiron, but I'm going to head home now. It's been a bitch of a week."

"Alright man. I'll talk to you later."

John found his car. It was cold, and he waited a few minutes for it to warm up. He sat thinking about what Ramiro said as he watched drops of rain begin to splatter on the windshield. People were walking along the sidewalk under the streetl ights. He watched one couple, a man and a woman, walk hand in hand.

With Kiron he'd never have that. They sometimes ran into difficulties doing things because the places they went weren't handicap friendly, and he had to resist reacting in anger when people slighted or stared at Kiron. All that was barely a blip on his radar though. They found ways around things, and Kiron kept John calm. He didn't care that things weren't easy with Kiron.

John knew what that their biggest obstacle was; what had caused Kiron to lash out. Intimacy. They'd been dating for over six months, though a good part of that was long distance over the summer. After the semester started, they'd gotten even closer. Close enough to want to more, to move beyond soft touching on the couch.

John wasn't sure how they'd make it work, but when he looked at Kiron he didn't see the scars his clothes hid or his skinny legs. He saw Kiron and that was who he wanted.

He drove home, almost without realizing it. Pulling into his parking space, he scrubbed a hand down over his face. "God I'm tired." He was talking to himself too. He shook his head as he pulled the keys out of the ignition.

He tugged his hood on as he stepped out of the car. The rain fell steadily as he walked up toward his door, hitting his nose where it stuck out past the hood. He wiped at it, already cold. The rain was freezing.

He looked up and jerked to a stop.

"Kiron!"

He was shocked to see Kiron sitting there on his doorstep in the rain. He was soaked through, his arms wrapped around his chest as he stared back at John.

"What are you doing here?"

"Waiting to ta-ta," his teeth chattered together, "talk to you."

"Jesus Christ, Kiron! You're frozen." John pushed past him and opened the front door. Kiron's hands shook as he tried to push himself. John stepped around to the back of the chair and grabbed the handles.

"I can d-d-do it," Kiron said.

"Sure you can, when you're not a frozen popsicle. Just let me help you, okay?"

Kiron didn't say anything else or pull the brakes, so John pushed him into the apartment. He didn't stop in the living room, heading straight for the bedroom. Kiron's shivering was getting worse.

"Why did you just sit there in the rain?" John asked. He flicked on the light as they walked in.

"I didn't kn-know it was going to."

"The forecasts have been calling for possible snow tonight and the temp has been falling since the sun went down."

Kiron shrugged, or maybe it was just a big shiver. "Wh-What are we doing in he-here?"

"You're getting into bed before you freeze. But first, you're taking off those wet clothes."

Kiron shook his head violently.

"Look, I know you don't want me to see your scars, or you're afraid of how I'm going to react. But I've touched them and felt the ridges on your skin; I know their shape in my mind, in my fingers. Seeing them with my eyes won't change how I look at you." John crouched down in front of Kiron, his hands resting gently on Kiron's thin thighs.

"These are a part of you. I know you're scared, but trust me. Give me a chance to show you how little they change how I feel when I'm with you."

Kiron hung his head. When he looked up, his feelings were exposed on his face, his uncertainty and fear etched in the dark blue circles of his eyes. He was pale and looked tired with almost bruised shadows under his eyes. "I d-d-didn't mean what I said b-before."

John straightened up on his knees and wrapped his arms around Kiron, pulling him forward until their foreheads touched. "Me either." He brought their mouths together in a soft kiss, a chaste press without any tongue. He closed his eyes, wanting to keep Kiron that close forever, their apologies said, but his lips were cold and he could feel the wide shoulders shivering under his hands.

John pulled back. "We need to get you out of these wet clothes and under the blankets."

Kiron didn't argue, but his nod was reluctant. He waited as John went to grab a towel, fidgeting in his seat.

John didn’t say anything as he began peeling off the wet layers, one by one. He didn't hesitate when Kiron's shirt came off, taking one look at the marks that laced across his stomach and up one side of his torso and then looked Kiron in the eyes. He smiled reassuringly; right now they had to be just another part of Kiron, even though he wanted to kiss the marks and hold his man to reassure himself he was there and okay. He settled for rubbing Kiron’s wet skin gently with the soft towel, touching them just the same as he touched everywhere else. Somehow he’d convince Kiron that, to him, the scars were invisible.

He'd known how bad the accident was, but it hadn't quite been real. He braced himself as he unfastened Kiron's pants. They took a deep breath together as Kiron lifted himself off the seat a little, and John pulled them down his hips and to his feet, taking them off along with Kiron's wet shoes. He didn't waste any time, picking up each leg by Kiron's calf and peeling off the soaked socks. He was as gentle as he could be, the cold probably made the bones ache, and he knew that Kiron couldn't move his legs but he could feel them. He chafed the chilled skin with the towel, and then set it aside.

He looked up, but Kiron's eyes were shut as a single tear ran down his face. John's breath hitched, but he didn't say anything; he brushed the teardrop away with his thumb, then caressed Kiron's soft face.

"Do you mind if I pick you up?"

Kiron shook his head, his lips trembling. John braced himself, sliding a hand behind the wide back and the other arm went under the slack knees. He wobbled a little as he stood up straight; the weight was much heavier on his left side. He shifted his grip, getting a good hold of Kiron’s back; he’d never thought of how much lighter his legs would be and he hadn’t been prepared.

Setting the chilly man down on the comforter, he laughed a little. Kiron's eyes snapped open and locked onto his face.

"What?" he asked defensively.

"I didn't think that through; I should have pulled the blankets back. Guess I'm a bit tired." Kiron rolled from side to side as John pulled down the covers and then pulled them back up, snugging them around his neck. "I'll be right back; I'm going to go grab you something warm to drink."

Kiron's hand came out of the covers and caught John's as he turned to go to the kitchen. "I'm not thirsty. Could you just get in bed with me?"

John felt a flush creep across his cheeks. "Are you sure? I don't mind."

"I'm sure."

"Okay." John toed off his shoes, then began to get undressed. He found himself unable to meet Kiron's eyes as he stripped down to his underwear too. He shifted a little nervously, then looked up. Kiron had a glazed look in his eyes, and he was staring at the bulge in John's underwear.

John's face went super nova; he'd tried not to but he'd gotten aroused when he touched Kiron. He always did.

"You're hard," Kiron said in a wondering tone.

Clearing his throat, John spoke in a hoarse voice, "Yeah. Sorry, I couldn't help it. Your skin is soft, and you smell good. You know I think you're hot." He crossed his hands in front of him.

Kiron looked up at him, licking his lips. John held in a groan as his erection twitched. "Please get in bed," Kiron whispered.

He took a deep breath, picking up the covers. John wasn't sure what Kiron intended to do, but he hoped they could snuggle. It would help get the smaller man warm at least. Turning on his side, John scooted closer until he could feel Kiron's chill body.

"Closer?" he asked.

Kiron nodded, neither of them looking away as they maneuvered until they lay face to face. John was worried about pressing his erection into Kiron's stomach until he felt Kiron's jabbing him in the hip. His eyebrows shot up.

"Kiron?"

The only answer he got was a kiss. It was no simple press of lips to lips like earlier. This one was full of tongue and teeth nibbling, gasps and groans. John ran his hand up and down Kiron's back, stroking the firm muscles. Kiron reached up and slid his hand down John's arm, grabbing his wrist and pulling it around and down between their bodies.

John let him do it; curling his fingers as Kiron wrapped their hands around his dick. His hips jerked, and Kiron gasped. John tightened his grip, sliding his hand up and down just a little. Kiron's body shook, but John could tell it wasn't because he was cold, not anymore.

He ran his hand up and down the stretched fabric again. Kiron groaned and let go, his eyes closing. "More."

John took advantage of the way Kiron's head was tilted back to nuzzle his neck, tasting his salty skin. He nipped at the skin below his ear, just as he pressed the shaft in his hand in slow circles, drawing an almost pained whimper from Kiron.

"Are you sure?" John asked. He didn't want to stop, but he didn't want to push Kiron if he wasn't truly ready.

"Please."

John pulled his hand from Kiron's erection.

"No, don't. . . ."

Slanting his mouth over Kiron's, John smothered the grunt and sharp cry, pulling the pleasured sounds into him as he slid his hand inside the cotton boxer briefs and touched Kiron's dick, skin to skin for the first time. His own jerked in his boxers and he felt a wet spot forming on the fabric.

He stroked up and down, wanting more for himself but he was too focused on teasing Kiron until the smaller man couldn't take it and was practically sobbing for relief. He let go for a quick minute, yanked down his boxers and shifted up in the bed to grasp both of them together.

Kiron's eyes shot wide open and he groaned really loud. "You . . . that's . . . ."

John moaned, the sensation of Kiron's slimmer shaft sliding along his made him shudder. His hips began to thrust as he squeezed his hand up and down. "Yeah, that's good."

Kiron's hands grabbed his shoulders and he dug them in, arching his back to thrust as much as he could. "So close . . . don't stop."

John felt his orgasm building in his balls, the ache deep. "Not gonna stop. Gonna make you come so hard." He squeezed hard on the upstroke, twisting as he rubbed the sensitive heads together.

"Now!" Kiron cried out. "John!"

John felt hot liquid splash across his stomach and fingers. The slick fluid eased the next rough stroke and squeeze and it was his turn to call out his lover's name, the amazing feeling of his orgasm roaring with him.

"Kiron!"

He was gasping, his hand just resting on their softening dicks. Kiron ran his hands through his hair, pulling him down and kissed him, licking at his lips until John opened for him. Their tongues tangled. John closed his eyes when the kiss ended, unable to believe how lucky he was. He pulled Kiron close to rest on his chest, pulling the covers over them until they snuggled together, warm and quiet in the dark.

*

"Hey John, you ready for me to push play?" Kiron was sitting on the couch, his chair folded up and tucked out of the way.

"I'll be there in a second; I can't wait to see this. I haven't seen Rocketman in years."

He walked in with a couple of juices and pop tarts, setting them on the table. He was shirtless and dressed in a pair of pajama pants.

"You called Ramiro?"

"Yeah, he was a little pissed about not getting a call last night, but when I told him I fell asleep in bed with you he laughed and forgave me."

John blushed. "You told him that!"

Kiron shrugged. "He's my oldest friend. It's not like I told him we woke up stuck together or anything."

"Good thing! He doesn't need to know all the details."

They really had too. John's bathroom was big, so they managed to get him into the tub to clean up. Kiron had been embarrassed, but John just didn't react. They'd talked some more, and Kiron told him how much of a relief it was now that John had seen him. John vowed to keep letting Kiron know just how little the way he looked had anything to do with how he felt about him. The sappy part of the morning over, they decided to watch a movie.

"It would be funny to see his face if you did though."

Kiron laughed as John slid in behind him, pulling him in close to his chest. "I love your couch, by the way, it's so much better than sitting on the bed in my dorm."

The movie started and they both settled in to watch. John had just taken a drink when Randall started farting into his spacesuit. "It wasn't me!"

"What do you mean "It wasn't you"? We're 35 million miles from the nearest person!"

John burst out laughing and sprayed a little soda out of his mouth, choking.

Kiron twisted around. "You okay?"

John coughed. "Yeah. Oh my god, that was funny! I forgot about that part." He quit coughing just in time to hear the next line which set Kiron off.

"Now THAT was Julie!"

Kiron laughed out loud. "This movie is nuts." He started to turn around and frowned when his shirt pulled tight on his back. "Is my shirt wet?"

"Uh, yeah, sorry. I got some soda on it."

"Gross." Kiron began twisting in the vee of John's legs.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to get it off. I don't want to get sticky."

John closed his eyes as the shirt lifted, exposing the surgical scars running up Kiron's spine. He knew how hard it still had to be for Kiron to take off his shirt, but he was showing John that he trusted him.

Swallowing hard, John spoke quietly. "Sounds good to me."

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