Keeping Hope - 3. Chapter 3

Keeping Hope Chapter 3

He was a bit stunned but then he hugged me back. I let go and looked at him, he smiled slightly and blushed. He looked up just as I was stretching up a bit, my tee shirt was a bit small and it rose up above my scars. He must have caught a small glance and breathed in hard.

 

“What the hell are they?!” He stated angrily. Pointing at my sides, pointing at my scars…

 

*/\*/\*/\*\/*\/*/\*/\*/\*

 

I quickly pulled my arms down, my heart was beating as fast as a shinkansen.

 

“Wh-wha-what?” I stuttered.

 

He stepped forward and lifted my tee shirt, I struggled to pull it down but he was determined. In the end, I just let go. He looked at my side, his shoulders sagged and he looked at the floor. He looked like he was crying.

 

“Why?” He managed to say through his tears.

 

“Don’t worry.” I said. I couldn't believe this was happening.

 

“Well I worry!” He said looking up. His sea green eyes looking into my soul, eyes pleading. I looked at the ground. I did not want to tell him yet. In time but not now.

 

“Look Hope, can we just talk about this some other time? I’m still not over it myself yet.” I said. I looked into his eyes and he sighed.

“Fine… But you are going to tell me soon.” He stated. He was rather forceful when he wanted to be.

 

“Okay.” I said softly. He hugged me, not me initiating the hug, Hope. I hugged him back, right then I decided I was never letting go of Hope.

 

I looked up and saw Celeste sitting in a chair by the window. She smiled at me sadly, wiping her eyes. I gave her a weak smile back. Hope couldn't see her but he could sense her, he could sense somebody else in the room. He let go of me and looked over to where Celeste was sitting. He looked back at me and shrugged.

 

“I should be getting home.” He said looking at my clock.

 

“I’ll walk you back.” I said.

 

He nodded. He grabbed his bag and we headed downstairs, I opened the door for him and he rolled his eyes as he walked out. I snickered a tiny bit. We walked down the street till we reached his house. We stopped just before his doorstep.

 

“You will tell me won’t you?” He asked me.

 

“In time, in time Hope.” I said.

 

He nodded and walked inside. I turned around and walked back to the house, the whole way back I was thinking about my old family and what they would be doing. Probably sleeping. I thought back to Jacob, I missed him soooo much. I missed his high pitched, carefree laugh. I missed his smile. However, most of all I missed his love for me. He used to hug me every morning before I left for school. He used to always curl up with me while we were watching TV. Thinking of him made me cry a bit.

 

I walked back into the house and went straight upstairs. I lay on my bed and just lay there crying. I thought of Kyle’s eulogy, Jacob, how Dad reacted when he saw me dead. I looked over to my desk. I saw Hope’s cellphone. I smiled slightly. I lay on my bed and kept thinking, my face was wet with tears.

 

I heard the door open and I looked up, I saw Hope standing there.

 

“I forgot my phone.” He said. He looked at me and I wiped my face with my sleeve.

“Hey what’s up?” He asked sounding concerned.

 

“Nothing don't worry.” I said.

 

“I do.” He replied simply.

 

“It’s a long story.”

 

“I’ve got forever to listen.” He said.

 

I decided to use my cover story I had developed.

 

“Back when I lived in the states my Mum, Dad and little brother died in a car accident. They were coming to pick me up from my friend, Kyle’s house. A drunk driver smashed into them, head on. So it’s my fault they died. I had to live with Uncle Andy. Everybody at school stayed clear of me because I turned into a angry person. Andy thought it would be best to get a fresh start.” I said, I was crying hard by the end.

 

Hope moved over beside me and pulled me to my bed. We lay on top of it.

 

“It wasn't your fault you know.” Hope said softly.

 

“Yes it was. I mean I called them and asked them to pick me up!” I exclaimed.

 

“And it wasn't you who smashed into them.”

 

“No but if I didn't ask them they would still be here!”

 

“Everything happens for a reason Ash, everything. Tell me about your brother.” He said.

 

“Jacob, he was only eight. He was the sweetest kid in the world. It was clear how much he loved me and I loved him. He used to call me Ashie.” I said smiling. “He loved watching TV with me. We would just curl up with popcorn and watch a movie, his favourite was Aladdin.”

 

“He sounds awesome.” Hope said.

 

“Yeah.” I said back.

 

“Well now I’ve really got to go. Mum had tea nearly ready when I left.”

 

“Okay bye, see you tomorrow.” I said.

 

He got up and got his phone from the floor gave me a hug and left, waving at me. I was supposed to be his guardian! Not him be mine! I needed to stop with the cutting. He needed me strong, not weak.

 

Celeste came into my bedroom. “How was that?” She asked.

 

“It was, well it was terrible.” I replied sighing.

 

She gave me a small smile. “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“Nah, one question though. Could I ever go back to the states and see Jacob and my parents? Like ever?” I asked.

 

“Well that would depend on multiple things, if the guardian council says its okay and you are over it.” She said with sincerity.

 

“But wouldn't they recognise me?” I asked.

 

“No, no they wouldn’t. Your family and friends, well they know their son committed suicide but they had their memories modified. The wouldn't know what you look like. Unless of course somehow one of them become one of us.” She said.

 

“Um wow. I mean like none of them would have a guardian? Would they?” I say.

 

“I can’t say. Its private.” She says.

 

“On that note I believe Andy has prepared you something, maybe edible.” She says chuckling. I walk downstairs, I was thinking about if I was ever going to be able to actually see Jacob, he’s the only person I wanted to see.

 

I sat across from Andy. He had made something that resembled pig food.

 

“Hey I tried!” He said laughing.

 

“Yeah okay then…” I said not wanting to eat anymore.

 

“Don’t worry we can just get some burgers or something. Right on cue, Celeste walks in.

 

“What is that slop?!” She exclaims.

 

“I don’t know ghost lady… I tried and failed.” Andy said.

 

She glared at him. Andy got up and told me to come with him to but dinner. We got in the car, drove into town, and got food from Burger King. That night I slept well, that night I dreamt. That night I dreamt of Hope…

 

****

 

The next week Finn, Hope and I grew closer. We did a lot more things than I did with Kyle. Back in my last life, Kyle and I did some stuff, yeah but I feel more at home with Finn and Hope. That might be because they didn't go hating on everyone for small, insignificant differences.

 

“Come on guys we’re gonna miss the bus!” Finn yelled from the door while Hope and I were getting our shoes on.

 

“Yeah, yeah hold on.” Hope muttered.

 

Hope offered me his hand to help me off the chair I was sitting on, I took it smiling. I still didn't know if he was gay, hell I didn't care. I mean if he was great! Maybe he will go out with me some time, because he is kinda really cute. If he isn’t, it doesn't matter I’m sure he’ll be okay with it.

 

We walked to the bus stop three abreast, which is kinda hard considering footpaths tend to be too small in width. We were going to the city to do some shopping as Finn just had his birthday and had some money that was burning holes in his pockets.

 

When we got on the bus it was relatively full, only one lot of two seats was free. We looked at each other and scrambled to get the seats. Hope got in first, then Finn. I was left to stand. I glared at them and sat on Finns lap, well jumped but same thing. Finn rolled his eyes and proceeded to look everybody on the bus over.

 

“Whore.” I whispered in Finns ear. That earned me a smack on the head.

 

“Shush I can look.” He replied. Hope giggled. I smiled.

 

The three of us got strange looks from other passengers but we didn't care. We got off eventually near the Cuba Street Mall. We walked past many shops, Finn stopping in all the tech stores and I stopped at the bookstore. I needed some new reading material.

 

We walked in and were greeted by some elderly ladies stocking shelves, I walked straight to the fiction section. I looked around till I came across a familiar title, The Shining. I used to have a well-worn copy of that, the spine was wrinkled and pages well turned. I picked up the book, Hope was beside me but Finn was off somewhere else.

 

“I used to have a well-read copy of this.” I said to Hope, handing him the book.

 

“Never read it, where did it go?”

 

“Lost in the move I think. I have no clue really.”

 

“Can I borrow it sometime?” He asked.

 

“Sure.” I smiled.

 

I went back to browsing the shelves and found two other books I wanted, To Kill A Mockingbird and 1984.

 

Hope also wanted to get a book so I directed him in the ways of good books and listed ones he might enjoy. He ended up buying George Orwell’s, Animal Farm. I had already built up a substantial amount of books at home so I had been letting him borrow some of the ones I had finished. it takes me a few days to read a book.

 

We left the book shop and went to find a place for lunch, Hope joked about going to a fancy restaurant. Finn wanted to but he had to be home because of some family event that he didn't want to go to, as ‘Everybody is either so much younger than me that they still cry to often or so old they are decaying in front of everybody.’

 

Hope and I stayed in town, walking around and talking. We ended up going back home at three o’clock where there was a surprise waiting for me.

 

Hope and I walked in my front door and Andy was nowhere to be seen. Hope and I walked to the kitchen and tapped me on the shoulder.

 

“Who’s the old lady in the lounge…?” He asked me.

 

“Stay here…”

 

Confused I walked in there and saw Celeste on the couch. I narrowed my eyes.

 

“Why can Hope see you?” I asked.

 

“Umm… Well… He might have developed the same thing Andrew has. Or he might just have seen a glimpse. Bring him in here.”

 

I walked back to the kitchen.

 

“Just come with me a moment.” I said tugging his arm.

 

“Who’s she?” He whispered in my ear as e walked towards the room. I groaned inside, that’s just what we need. More weirdness.

 

“Hope this is my Aunt Celeste, Aunt Celeste this is Hope Clarke.” I rattled off.

 

Celeste stood up and shook Hope’s hand.

 

“I’ve heard a lot about you.”

 

He blushed.

 

“Well Hope head on up to Asher’s room I just need to talk to him for a minute.” Celeste said.

 

“Yes ma’am” Hope said respectfully. He walked off to the stairs.

 

She sighed and sat on the couch.

 

“Well that’s just awkward now.” She said. I nodded.

 

“What are we gonna do then?” I asked.

 

“Well you are either going to have to get into a relationship and tell him calmly and quietly or tell him or risk him running away.” She stated.

 

“I’d prefer the first option.” I said.

 

“That makes two of us, plus you two would make a good couple.” She said.

 

“Yeah… UGH This is hard now… I love him yes but I doubt he loves me back.”

 

“You don’t know that, go woo him. Oh and theres a surprise on your desk too. Thank me later!” She said as I walked off.

 

I got to my bedroom door and braced myself, mentally and physically. I opened the door and Hope was sitting on my bed, holding a picture frame. One I hadn't seen before.

 

“Where’d you get that?” I asked.

 

“Uh your desk?” He said.

 

I sat down beside him. There was a picture of Mum, Dad, Jacob and I a few days before the party. I smiled slightly, a single tear flowed.

 

“That was my family.” I said sadly. Hope put his arm around me and lay his head on my shoulder.

 

“Your Mum is beautiful, and your brother is cute.” He said. I looked at Jacob, he had his legs wrapped around my torso and Mum and Dad were hugging watching us play.

 

“Yeah they are. That was only a few days before the accident. Everything was good.” I reminisced. Although my life wasn't that great then that was one of the best moments.

 

I looked up and saw another photo frame, this one had a picture of Kyle and I at the party, he had his arm around my shoulders and we were smiling. I did miss Kyle, I missed his carefree attitude. Everything. I picked it up and held it.

 

“Who’s that?” Hope asked.

 

“That, well that there is Kyle, my old best friend. Taken on the night of the accident.”

 

“Ah.” He said.

 

“Yeah.” I said wiping my eyes. I placed the photo of Kyle and I on my desk and my family on my bedside table.

 

“You wanna stay the night?” I asked.

 

“What about your Aunt?”

 

“Ah she’s here for a while.” I said waving it off.

 

“I’ll just have to clear it with Mum and Dad.” He said getting his phone out.

 

He called his Mum and she said it was okay to stay as long as he got some sleep, I know it seemed that his Mum didn't really care for him but deep down I’m sure she did. That night Hope had gone back home after tea to get his swimming gear I was alone with Celeste.

 

“So have you decided what you are going to do?” Celeste asked.

 

“Well I think I might talk to him tonight, as in come out…” I said.

 

“Okay be careful.” She warned.

 

“Mhmm” I replied.

 

Hope came back with his stuff and we jumped into the pool. We just played pool volleyball for a while. Most of the time we just splashed each other and floated on the pool toys. I felt like I was a kid again, Hope really brought out the real me, the old me.

 

****

 

“So ah do you wanna sleep on the roller bed or just in mine…?” I asked Hope when we were told to go to bed.

 

“Um whatever is easiest I guess.” He said.

 

“Mkay then, hop in my bed then.” I said climbing into bed wearing my pyjamas. He nodded and climbed in. We talked till the early hours of the morning, getting to know each other better and sharing stories of the past. Around one-thirty in the morning, Hope fell asleep. I slowly started drifting off to sleep as well. Well until the bed started to shake a bit. I heard whimpering noises.

 

“Hope, you okay?” I asked softly. No reply, I touched his shoulder and he grabbed my hand and clung tightly to it. His had was cold as ice, I shuffled over to him and slipped my arm over his chest and held him. I fell asleep with him safely in my arms.

 

****

 

I woke to someone mumble something said beside me, I realised that I was clutching something, something warms and squishy.

 

“Uahh whaa?” I mumbled.

 

“I need to go… To… The loo?” He said quietly.

 

“Ah okay.” I said sleepily and removed my arm.

 

He dashed off to the bathroom while I lay in bed trying to remember what happened last night. Hope came back into my room and plonked himself back on the bed.

 

“Morning.” I said.

 

“Morning.” He replied.

 

“Hungry?” I asked.

 

“A wee bit.”

 

“Just head on down and I’ll be down in a minute or so.” I said.

 

“Kay.”

 

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I got up and opened the curtains. The sky was grey and the wind was blowing something fierce. I wandered downstairs to find Hope sitting at the breakfast bar talking with Celeste.

 

“Good Morning Ash!” She exclaimed.

 

“Morning Ce - Aunty…” I nearly called her Celeste.

 

“Grab some toast and hurry because Andy is taking us on a ‘road trip’” She said.

 

“Okay…” I said.

 

I asked if Hope wanted toast, apparently he wasn't hungry anymore, maybe he already had something.

 

“Come on guys we’re leaving like right now…” He said.

 

Hope and I shuffled into the back seat of the flashy car, there was hardly any room but we fit in anyways. Celeste got to sit in the front, but I didn't mind as I could be smushed up beside Hope.

 

“So where we going?” I piped up.

 

“Around, I mean it’s a Sunday drive! C’mon get some adventure into ya system!” He announced.

 

“Rightttt….” Hope muttered under his breath.

 

Another thing I learnt about being around Celeste is that I could speak German to her, since I was brought up speaking German and English we could use it without being understood. The reason I speak both is because Mum was brought up in Germany.

 

“Weißt du, wohin wir gehen??” I asked. *Do you know where we are going?*

 

“Das weiß nur er.” She sighed. *Only he knows*

 

“Na dann....” I replied. *Okay then*

 

“Sprich mit ihm!” She exclaimed. *Speak to him!*

 

“Ja, Omi.” I said rolling my eyes. *Yes Mother*

 

“Where do you think we are going Hope, cause I have no clue!” I asked him.

“Well judging by the roadsigns and general direction my guess is some bay along the coast.” He replied.

 

“Ha I like you, smart boy.” Andy said looking at Hope.

 

“Well someone has to be around here.” He said winking.

 

“Smart arse too, I like it.” He winked back.

 

I groaned. Not another smart ass, Kyle was too.

Hope elbowed me in the side.

 

“Shush Ash and be nice.” He said.

 

“Du Arsch!” I whispered. *You shit*

 

“What?” Hope looked at me quizzically.

 

“Dont worry.” I smiled at him.

 

We carried on talking about nothing of any importance for the rest of the ride, watching everything go by. We slow down near a small township, Andy pulls into one of the two shops, a Dairy (Corner store) and a random tourist shop. He goes into the dairy and emerges minutes later with a plastic bag.

 

“The food.” He states shoving the bag onto Hopes lap.

 

“Wonderful.” Hope mutters. I giggle and take the bag, but he pulls it back and strokes it protectively before bursting into laughter.

 

Andy continues to drive further round the coast till he comes to a stop beside a beautiful section of a bay. The water of the Cook Strait pounding on the shoreline, a few rocks decorate the vacant beach. Andy pulls out a rug from the car and plonks it on the sand, along with the food bag that he took from Hope.

 

“Sit, eat.” He said.

 

We all sat, joked and eat on the beautiful beach. The breeze carried the cold ocean air past us, making our hair into weird fashions.

 

“Wanna go for a walk?” I asked Hope.

 

“Sure.” He replied getting up.

 

“Don’t go too far away boys, don’t want you getting lost.” Celeste said.

 

I nodded and started running on the soft sand of the beach, Hope catching up on me. The beach opened up slightly, revealing a big crop of rocks that looked climbable. I had been waiting at the rocks for a very short amount of time when Hope turned up. I sat on one of the rocks to catch my breath, Hope sat on the rock above mine, flicking sand at me from his shoes.

 

“Oi! Meanine!” I exclaimed.

 

He poked his tongue out. “Well you did flick sand in my face the whole way here.”

 

“Oh, whoops, sorry.” I said.

 

I got up and started climbing the rocks, avoiding the pools that had formed over time. I made it to the top with Hope, again, only seconds behind me. I started walking out to the tip of the rocks where the waves were breaking. I stopped knowing that if I went too far I would get splashed by the waves, Hope kept going.

 

“You may or may not want to keep going, you might get a bit moist…” I said as he was nearly at the end. I saw a big wave coming. He looked back at me, the wave crashed into the rock with a boom. Hope was soaked from head to toe. He looked shocked. I couldn't help a smile creep onto my face.

 

“Yeah, not a good idea!” I boomed.

 

“Probably not.” Hope said shivering. The water had magnified the intensity of the cool breeze.

 

“Want my jacket?” I offered my puffer.

 

“Nah I’m fine.” He said still shaking.

 

“No. Your wearing it.” I said taking it off. I walked over to him, peeled his sodden one off and started to put my one on him. I did the zip up and patted him on the shoulder.

 

“See? Nice and warm.” I said.

 

He nodded. He look so cute just standing there, brown hair plastered to his forehead. His eyes sparkled in the sun like precious gems. His pale skin looked as smooth as a stone and his lips were curled up in the cutest way.

His smile faltered.

 

“Are you okay?” He asked me.

 

“Uh whaa um yeah I’m good…” I said.

 

“Okayyyy…” He replied, not convinced.

 

“Come on lets head back.” I said because I was scared Hope would catch death out here.

 

“No no, lets keep on going!” He said.

 

“Okay then… Come on!” I said.

 

“Yay!”

 

We walked down the other side of the rocks with little effort. We found a small, shelly beach with a cave. I looked at Hope.

 

“Wanna go inside?” I asked.

 

“What if there is a seal or something?” He replied nervously.

 

“Then we run.” I said and started walking in.

 

We walked into the cave and instantly reached a dead end.

 

“Well that was interesting!” I said walking back.

 

“Yeah…”

 

We decided to sit down beside the cave on the shelly beach and watched the waves pound the shells. I turned to look at Hope, he looked at me. I stared into those beautiful eyes, getting lost in the beautiful colour. I look at his thin lips, still with that small upward curl. I leaned into him and let my lips brush against his own.

 

*/\*/\*/\*\/*\/*/\*/\*/\*

 

Dun dun dun!!! What happened there?! Hehe you have to wait till next time to find out! Hopefully won’t take as long coz I have a breakkkk!!!!!!! Tchüss my wonderful readers!