No Banging - 1. Part 1

Today was a good day. I was sitting in my sociology lecture and was sneaking a peek at my secret crush, Parker Bennet, every couple of seconds.

He was amazing, even if only on second glance, but that made him even more special, in my opinion, because he was like a treasure no one else knew about, except me. He was about my age, 22, fairly small, maybe 5'7'', and skinny, no muscles at all, as far as I could tell. His hair was black and long enough to cover his forehead. He was wearing glasses, but they made him look really cute. His face was soft-featured and his eyes had the purest brown color I had ever seen. I loved everything about him, even the way he moved - gently, thoughtfully and always a little shyly. He was fascinating and I could barely concentrate on the lecture with him in the room.

One time I even followed him around for a while and then, when he stopped at a drinking fountain, I walked by him really closely and tried to smell him. I only did that once though, because I felt pretty guilty afterwards and also, I didn't want him to catch me and think I'm some creep.

Anyway, the best thing about Parker was that he was gay. I knew that, because he had one of those rainbow-flags pinned to his backpack, something I really couldn't understand, because he was constantly getting shit for it. He practically stigmatized himself and because of it, no one wanted to be associated with him.

It's exactly why I would rather cut off my balls than out myself. I even banged some drunken slut once at a party, just so no one would suspect that I might be gay. Ironically it earned me the reputation of a stud, because I was really drunk too at the time and had to concentrate so hard just to keep it up, that I just couldn't cum, so I banged her for like an hour, in which time she came at least twice and then, afterwards, told everyone what an amazing lay I was. I never banged another chick again, but of course I said I did and everyone believed me because of my reputation, which was great. It made me feel safe and I didn't wanna jeopardize that, not even for Parker, even though I thought I might have a real shot with him. After all, I was pretty hot.

I was tall, 6'0'' and had a six-pack. I wasn't very muscular, but still well-toned. I had short, sandy blond hair, blue eyes and a handsome face, if I may say so myself.

I never dared to talk to him in public though and I never had a chance to catch him alone. That changed today when I discovered something amazing hanging on the bulletin board - an ad for tutoring lessons, by Parker, at his place. Jackpot! I ripped off a slip of paper with his number on it, smiling from ear to ear. He was charging 20 bucks, but that wasn't a problem. My parents were kind of rich, so money wasn't really an issue.

After the lecture, which was in the afternoon, I went straight home. I was hungry, but I couldn't wait to call Parker and I figured I could just order something later. At my first try no one picked up, so I called again every 10 minutes. An hour later he finally answered.

"Yes, hello? Bennet." I smiled. His voice was really quiet and shy, it was adorable. I was so entranced by it, that I forgot to say something.

"Hello?" he asked again.

"Oh, yes, hi, this is Tyler Wade. I'm calling for the tutoring lessons."

"Oh, ok, do you have any questions or do you want to make an appointment?"

"Yeah, no, how about in an hour?" There was a pause.

"I guess." he finally said hesitantly. "I live at 47, Healey Street, apartment 8, ok?" he continued.

"Alright, great, see you in a bit, bye."

"Bye." I hung up and raised my arms triumphantly.

I quickly shaved, showered and put on my best cologne. Almost exactly an hour later I was nervously knocking on his door. It opened a moment later, but only a crack, and he peeked out. He frowned when he saw me.

"What are you doing here?" he asked suspiciously.

"I'm here for the lesson. We talked on the phone earlier?"

"That was you?"

"Yeah, is there a problem?"

"I'm not letting you in, good bye." he said and closed the door.

"Now wait a minute, what's going on here? I think you're mistaking me for someone."

"No, you're with those fraternity-guys, who are always giving me a hard time."

"Oh, no, I'm not like them, I swear. Come on, let me in, please...I'll pay you double." Silence.

"Are you alone?" he asked after a couple of seconds.

"Of course."

I heard him take off the chain and then the door opened. He was wearing a tight, gray t-shirt. I had never seen him with short sleeves before, it was hot. I stepped into the apartment and looked around. It was barely furnished or even decorated, just an old couch in the middle, a desk by the window to the left and a small cupboard, with his even smaller TV on it, on the right, not even a flat screen.

"Were you robbed?" I asked without thinking.

"What?" he said sharply.

"Oh, no...I mean...because of the door chain. You know?"

"No, I wasn't, I just wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth."

"Me neither, I was born with like placenta in my mouth. It was gross." He frowned at me.

"Are you trying to be smart?"

"Of course, who doesn't?"

"I want my money up front."

"Sure." I said, pulled out my wallet and handed him 40 bucks.

"Let's get this over with, shall we?"

"I'm ready."

He led me to his desk, where the textbook was already waiting and we sat down.

"What exactly are you struggling with?"

"Oh...Everything really."

"Everything?" he asked incredulous.

"Yep."

"How did you pass all the exams up until now?"

"Copying from my neighbor mostly."

"Ok...So we should start at the beginning?"

"Sounds like a plan."

"Have you at least a vague understanding of the general structure of the material?"

"I don't know...Hey, you're gay, right?" He frowned.

"Yes, so?"

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"That's really none of your business, now is it?"

"I was just wondering."

"Can we focus on studying please?"

"Sure."

He opened the textbook.

"Ok, the first chapter is about Auguste Comte..."

"I could bang you real good if you want, but you can't tell anyone or I'd have to murder you." I blurted out. He looked at me with a horrified expression, quickly opened a drawer and pulled out a can of mace.

"Leave, right now!" he demanded angrily and pointed at the door. I raised my hands.

"No, Jesus, calm down, I was just kidding."

"No, you weren't. Now leave or I'll mace you and call the police."

"Please, I'm really, really sorry, alright? I'll pay you another 20, just

give me another chance. I'll behave, I swear."

"Give me your ID."

"What? Why?"

"Give it to me or leave."

"Fine."

I handed him my ID and he disappeared into what I guess was

his bedroom. He came back out 5 minutes later.

"I called my mom and gave her your name and address. If I don't call within the next hour and tell her a certain word, the police will show up. Any questions?"

"Jesus, who do you think I am?"

"Someone who wants to have sex with me and threatened to murder me if I tell anyone about it." I blinked a few times and then looked down.

"I'm so sorry." I said defeated and sighed heavily. "It's just, you're so incredibly hot and I never hit on a guy before. I

thought I wouldn't have to beat around the bush, like with a chick, and just get to the point. I guess I was wrong. Well, and the murdering part was just a really bad joke. I'm terribly sorry. Do you think we can maybe start over?" I continued and his expression softened a little.

"Let's just concentrate on the lesson, ok?"

"Sure, gladly."

"So, Auguste Comte..."

"Hey, have you eaten yet?"

"No, why?"

"I'm starving. How about we order something? My treat and your pick of course. We could study till it gets here and then eat for the rest of the hour."

"I don't know."

"Come on, please? I owe you for being a creep." I said and looked at him all puppy-eyed.

"Fine, I'll have a small salad."

"Nonsense, salad is rabbit-food, I'll order us a big pizza and some pasta, alright?"

"I don't eat meat."

"Why, what's wrong with meat?"

"I just don't like it. Is that a problem?" he said challengingly.

"You're not bulimic, are you?"

"What?" he asked sharply and glared at me. My eyes widened.

"No no, not because you look like you are, but because...I'm bulimic...you know?"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, I'm just...bad at it." He almost grinned, but suppressed it and frowned instead.

"So, what do you wanna drink?" I asked quickly.

"I don't need anything, I can drink water from the tap."

"Tap water is for cats and dogs. I'll order you a couple of sodas."

"Any other animals you want to compare me to?" he asked annoyed.

"Well, you look like a fox." I said grinning and winked at him. He rolled his eyes.

"Just so we're clear, you're not my type."

"But I'm so handsome."

"And modest apparently."

"And modest." I said laughing. "See, we're already becoming fast friends." I added.

"We'll never be friends."

"No, you just have to warm up to my charm."

"Don't hold your breath."

"Let's eat first, maybe you're just grumpy cause you're starving."

"I'm not grumpy." he said indignantly.

"Sure, you're gushing with cheerfulness...In fact, you always seem kind of down, you're not depressed, are you?"

"No, I just don't have much to smile about."

"How many times a day do you beat off?"

"Oh my god, that's so inappropriate!"

"Come on, we're both guys here...Hey, where's your computer? I'll show you some cool porn-sites."

"I don't have a computer." I frowned.

"How do you look at porn?"

"I don't."

"Ever?"

"No, it's gross."

"No, it's not, it's awesome. Do you have a DVD-player?"

"No."

"I'll lend you mine and burn you some nice porn."

"I don't want any porn!" he said angrily.

"You weren't molested or something, were you?" His eyes widened.

"Oh my god, could you be any cruder?"

"I'm just trying to figure out why you're such a prude."

"I had it with you. Leave!" he said forcefully and pointed at the door again.

"No, come on, I'll give you 100 bucks for the hour." I responded, pulled out my wallet and put 60 bucks on the desk.

"You think you can buy me?" he asked outraged.

"No, not at all, we can call it an 'asshole-tax'. Come on, please, I won't say anything inappropriate anymore or I'll mace myself, I swear."

"If I weren't behind on rent I wouldn't even have let you in, but I guess I can't afford to be proud right now, so it's your lucky day."

"I know. Tell me, is there anything else you'd do for money? I mean, how desperate are you exactly?"

"Out!"

I knew I had fucked up, so I totally panicked, grabbed the mace off the desk and sprayed myself with it.

"NOOO!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. It was the worst pain I had ever experienced. I thought I'd pass out, because I was getting dizzy all of the sudden, but I only fell off the chair.

"HELP ME! I'M GONNA DIE!"

"Are you insane?! Get up, quickly!"

"I CAN'T, I'M DYING!"

He took a hold of my arm, pulled me up and led me to the bathroom, where he washed out my eyes.

"Sit down." he demanded, so I sat down on the edge of the bathtub and he brought me a wet towel.

After about 20 minutes the pain slowly subsided.

"Let me see them." he said, took off the towel and leaned down to look at my eyes. He came really close, I could feel his face near mine, so, naturally, I tried to kiss him. Sadly, I missed.

"Oh my god, you're unbelievable! You're the crudest, most inappropriate, offensive, obnoxious human being I have ever met!" he yelled at me angrily. It really hit hard. I frowned deeply and breathed heavily. It was all over. He hated me. I would never get close to him. I quickly got up and tried to storm out, but because I couldn't see properly yet, I ran right into a wall and fell down backwards. Completely dejected and humiliated I hugged my legs to my chest and started to cry. After a couple of second, Parker kneeled down and gently stroked my back.

"I'm sorry, ok? I didn't mean it, you're not that bad." he said reassuringly.

"Really? So you don't hate me?"

"No, of course not."

"Can I get a hug?"

"Well...I guess so."

I turned to him and he closed his arms around me.

"You smell a little." I mumbled and he instantly let go of me.

"What?" he asked sharply.

"I'm sorry." I said sadly and cried harder again.

"You really can't help it, can you?" he asked, more understanding than angry. I shook my head and he started to stroke my back again, which calmed me down.

"You know, I'm normally not like this. It's just that I've had a crush on you for so long and now I finally had a chance to get close to you, so I was extremely nervous. I mean, having a boyfriend like you would be the greatest thing I can imagine, you're like...perfect." I explained.

"You don't even know me."

"I know you're the hottest guy I've ever seen and you're smart and so brave...You don't have a sense of humor though, but that's alright, I can be the funny one."

"You really think that about me?" he asked softly.

"Yeah, it's like someone broke your funny bone."

"No, I meant the other things."

"Of course, I think you're incredible."

"Thanks, I guess."

"Does this mean I still have a shot?"

"No, you never had one to begin with."

"How about friends?"

"I don't know."

"Come on, I'm a good friend, loyal, generous, supportive...Oh, but I can't talk to you in public, no offense."

"How very loyal and supportive of you."

"No, come on, you're like a leper."

"Wow...I think I'll pass on our secret friendship."

"But I'd get kicked out of my fraternity if I'd be seen with you."

"Why would you even want to be in a fraternity that's so homophobic in the first place? Don't you have any pride?"

"At least I'm part of a community. I mean, how many parties have you been to in the last couple of months?"

"But you're part of the wrong community, doesn't that bother you?And how many times did you have to lie about who you are at all those parties you've been to? Is that really the person you want to be?"

"It's better than being an outcast, who's constantly teased and bullied."

"No, it's not. I would rather be a leper than a liar and a coward. At least I'm comfortable in my own skin and I probably miss out on less than you are."

"I can't out myself. It's just not an option. Aside from the fraternity, my family would disown me and I don't have a scholarship, so what the hell would I do without any money?"

"Work?"

"The tuition is too high, it's just not possible, trust me, I've thought about this before...After I first saw you actually."

"What about student loans?"

"So I'd be in debt for the rest of my life? No, thanks."

"But maybe you'd be happy, how about that? Sometimes you just can't have it both ways, you know?"

"I could, if you weren't so stubborn. I mean, it would be easier for you to go back into the closet than for me to come out of it."

"Maybe, but you forget one thing, I don't have a crush on you and even a friendship with you is not very appealing to me."

"Not yet."

"You never give up, do you?"

"Not when something's this important to me."

"But you're wasting your time, both of ours actually."

"We'll see. Now, let's get comfy on the couch and order some food, alright?" He hesitated. "Come on, you can't send me home like this, I can barely see anything, so why not make the best out of the time we have to spend together?" I added.

"Fine." he said sighing. We got up and I reached out for him, so he took my hand and led me to the couch. We sat down and he tried to let go of me, but I held on to him.

"Tyler!" he said warningly.

"Aww, just a little longer, this feels so nice. Your hand is really small and soft, like a girl's."

"Thanks a lot." he said annoyed, pried open my fingers and freed himself. I pulled out my cell phone and handed it to him.

"Dial 'Alberto's' for me, would you?" He did and handed it back to me. I ordered a large pizza with extra cheese, pasta, 6 bottles of beer and a couple of sodas.

"6 beers? You better not get drunk or I'll kick you out, blind or not. Do you understand me?"

"No, they're for the both of us, you know, to loosen you up a little."

"I don't drink."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to."

"You're Mormon or something?"

"No, just sensible."

"Suit yourself. I'll just get loose for the both of us."

"Yeah, because your problem is that you're too restrained." I laughed.

"Good one...So, tell me about yourself."

"What do you want to know?" he asked sighing.

"Let's start with hobbies."

"Reading, I guess."

"And what do you like to read?"

"Fantasy mostly."

"That figures."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're a geek, I bet you've read 'Lord of the Rings' like five times or something."

"I'm not a geek!" he said indignantly.

"How many times have you read it?" I asked grinning.

"None of your business." I laughed.

"How many times have you seen the movies?"

"Once, in the theater."

"Interesting." I said more to myself than him.

"What?"

"Nothing...So, what's you 'type'?"

"I don't know, looks aren't too important to me."

"What is important to you?"

"That someone is sensitive, thoughtful and, above all, romantic."

"I'm all of those things, plus, I have a pretty nice dick and I could bang you for hours."

"I don't want to be 'banged' for hours. Do you even know what the word 'romantic' means?"

"Sure, like lighting a candle when you bang." I could've sworn he had giggled silently.

"Romance means you're not 'banging', you're making love."

"What's the difference?"

"'Making love is not about getting off, but about connecting."

"Connecting how? Like cumming in each other's mouths?" This time I definitely heard him giggle a little.

"Is everything you know about sex based on porn?"

"Yep"

"That's sad."

"How about you teach me all about romance? I'd have no problem with you cumming in my mouth. Would I have to swallow it too, you know, to like, really connect?"

"I would never have sex with you."

"I'm a very generous lover. You'd have plenty of fun, trust me."

"No thanks."

"What if I'd learn how to be romantic on my own...And I guess being sensitive too...Would you go out with me?"

"No and can you please drop this already?"

"What's your favorite food?"

"Greek salad."

"Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously."

"Favorite color?"

"Purple."

"Well, at least you didn't say pink."

"What's wrong with purple?"

"Nothing, very manly."

"You know, I had it with your insults."

"I'm not trying to insult you."

"But you do, constantly."

"Sometimes I get hard just by looking at your face. There, that should even it out."

"You're the worst."

"Who's insulting now?"

"We should just watch TV till the food gets here."

"I could barely make out anything on your tiny-ass TV if I hadn't blinded myself."

"I don't care. I just don't want to talk to you anymore."

"That's so rude."

"Well, I guess you're starting to rub off on me."

"I'd love to rub myself off on you."

"Yeah, I know." he said, got up and turned on the TV.

"Jesus, you don't even have a remote?"

"I do, but the batteries died."

"I see."

We watched TV in silence for a while and by the time the delivery guy came, my vision had improved enough that I could answer the door myself. We divided everything evenly and started eating. Parker wolfed down his share like he hadn't seen food in days. Hoping it would calm my nerves and make me less of an asshole, I drank the beer as fast as I could and 10 minutes later it gone.

"Oh my god, did you drink all 6 bottles?" he asked shocked.

"Yep and you know what? I'm pretty blitzed." I answered and laughed.

"It's time for you to leave. Here, take your money and go." he said and tried to hand me my 100 bucks.

"Keep it. You need it more than me."

"But I didn't even give you a lesson, so I wouldn't feel right about keeping it."

"Listen, you're like a homeless dude with an apartment, so don't argue. I have plenty."

"Fine...Thanks." he said reluctantly.

"Any time...Hey, are you full?"

"Yeah, thanks for that too, I guess."

"My pleasure. My stomach is pretty full too, look." I said, pulled up my shirt, flexed my ab-muscles and winked at him. He just rolled his eyes.

"Wanna touch?" I suggested.

"No, I don't."

"Your turn."

"In your dreams. Now leave."

"I can't, I'm too drunk. I'd never make it home alive."

"Not my problem."

"That's just cold."

"I don't care. Leave, now."

"Fine." I got up, stumbled a couple of steps and quickly sat back down again.

"I can't, I get really dizzy when I stand up. Make me some coffee and I'll leave as soon as I feel up to it, alright?" He didn't respond. "I'm not trying to trick you here, I swear. Please?" I added and he sighed heavily.

"Ok, you have half an hour to sober up. Then you're out of here."

"Thank you."

He went to the kitchen and made me a cup of coffee. When I tasted it, I contorted my face in disgust.

"What the hell? Did you use toilet water to make this?" I asked.

"No, I don't drink coffee. This is from a bag that I found in the kitchen when I moved in here 4 years ago." I laughed.

"You do have a sense of humor."

I slowly drank the awful coffee, but it didn't help, I got drunker by the minute, probably because I drank the beer too fast, it was kicking in with a delay. We were watching some boring-ass documentary about animals. Suddenly I had an idea. I scooted closer to Parker, till we were almost touching, pretended to yawn, stretched and laid my left arm over his shoulders. I felt him giggle a little.

"You really are unbelievable, you know that?" he said.

"Well, thank you."

"Your time is up. Leave or I'll call the police." Just the thought of getting up made me nauseous and I puked right into Parker's lap.

"That's just great." he said sarcastically.

"Sorry." I responded sheepishly. He got up and disappeared into the

bathroom. I tried to get up too, but couldn't, so I went down on all fours and started to crawl to the door. I collapsed half way there, puked again and then passed out. It was an appropriate ending to one train wreck of an evening.

When I woke up, it was dawn already, I was on the couch, on my side and there was a bucket next to me on the floor. I got up and left silently.

I spend most of the day curing my hangover. I even skipped all of my lectures.

The next day, Saturday, I had another idea and after doing some research on the internet, I went shopping. At 7pm I called Parker.

"Yes, hello? Bennet." He sounded so cute, it made me smile again.

"Hi, it's Tyler, are you home?"

"I answered the phone, didn't I?"

"Right. I'll be over in 10, see ya." I said and hung up.

9 minutes later I was standing in front of his apartment, wearing a tux, with a black tie, carrying two large bags and a bouquet of purple flowers. I knocked and he opened the door after a few seconds. As last time, he frowned when he saw me.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I wanted to apologize for the other day and try to make it up to you. Can I come in?"

"No. Go away." he said and shut the door.

"Please, I need to give you a couple of things. It'll only take like 10 minutes."

"No, you're no longer welcome here."

"I know, that's exactly why I'm here. Give me 10 minutes and you'll never have to see me again...Well, except during lectures...But I won't talk to you...Not that I would talk to you otherwise...Shit...Please, I'm begging you, 10 minutes."

"5."

"Yeah, alright, thank you."

He opened the door and let me in. He was wearing pretty tight sweatpants and you could see a small bulge where his junk was. I had to concentrate really hard not to stare at it. I handed him the flowers and he reluctantly took them, but kept frowning at me.

"Can we sit down please?" I asked.

"Fine."

We sat down on the couch.

"You look beautiful tonight...Well, you always do...About that bulge, are wearing tight underwear or is your junk just really small?" I covered my mouth as soon as the words came out of it and looked at him wide-eyed.

"I'm already regretting letting you in."

"No no no, let's start over, alright?"

"4 minutes."

"Right. I brought you a couple of things. First of all, candles, to warm up the place." I pulled out two big, round, purple candles, put them on the table and lit them. "Next, I got you the 'Lord of the Rings'-trilogy on DVD, the extended versions, they're like 20, 40 and 50 minutes longer than the originals. I also brought you my DVD-player, so you can watch it. I have 'Apple TV' now, so you can keep it..."

"No, this is way too expensive, I can't accept it."

"Well, you have to, cause I'll just leave it here and you don't know where I live, so you can't give it back."

"Tyler! You can't buy my friendship...or whatever you're hoping to get out of this."

"I'm not trying to. Look, I ruined your evening the other day, so now I wanna make sure you'll have a great one, to make up for it, that's all, I swear."

"But it's not necessary."

"I know...Now, I also bought you the best Greek salad in town, fresh pita bread, non-alcoholic wine and tiramisu for dessert...Oh, and I got you new batteries for your remote...and popcorn...and a new can of mace." I said while I was unpacking my bags.

"That is really too much Tyler..."

"No, listen, you deserve it. You deserve a whole lot more actually, but this is all I could come up with. Now, I'm really sorry about the other day, have a great evening, good bye." I said, got up and started to walk to the door.

"Wait...Have you eaten yet?"

"No, why?" I asked innocently.

"Well, this looks like a lot more than I could eat on my own. Would you like to join me?"

"Seriously?"

"I guess."

"I'd love to." I said smiling and sat back down.

"I'll get us some plates."

He went to the kitchen and came back with two plates, two glasses and silverware. He divided the salad evenly and poured the wine. When he tasted the salad, he raised his eyebrows.

"Wow, this is incredible." he said surprised.

"I'm very happy to hear it."

"Where did you get this?"

"'Cicero's', a few blocks from here. Do you know it?

"Yeah, I walked past it a couple of times. That place is fancy. They just let you take the salad with you?"

"No, they didn't even let me in till I showed up with the tux and then I was asked to leave as soon as I pulled out the Tupperware. I'm not welcome there anymore." He grinned a little.

"This must have cost a fortune."

"You like it, so it was worth every penny."

"This doesn't change anything between us though. You know that, don't you?"

"So you still hate me?" I asked sadly.

"No, not really. But there won't be any 'banging' in our future, that's what I meant."

"I know, only love-making."

"No, no sex whatsoever."

"Kissing maybe?"

"No touching of any kind."

"Friends?" He sighed.

"We've been over this."

"What if I'd talk to you in public?"

"You don't have to do that for me. Let's face it, we're not meant to be anything, we're too different."

"That doesn't mean we can't make each other happy, and I'd really like to try."

"I don't know, I don't think it's a good idea."

"No, it's a great idea. Please? You won't regret it, I swear."

"Fine, but no more hitting on me, understood?"

"I can't promise that, I mean, you're just way too hot."

"Tyler!"

"I'll keep it to a minimum."

"I hope so."

"Does that mean I can stay and watch 'Lord of the Rings' with you?"

"I guess." I beamed.

We ate mostly in silence and when we were both finished, I plugged in the DVD-player and we started watching the movie.

"It's a little chilly in here. Could you get me a blanket please?" I asked.

"Of course, I'm sorry about that."

"No problem."

He brought a blanket from his bedroom and handed it to me. I scooted closer to him, so we were touching and threw the blanket over our laps.

"Tyler, no!" he protested.

"Relax, I'm not coming on to you, I swear."

"Oh really?"

"I just wanna get warm, that's all. Come on, this is totally appropriate for two friends."

"Fine, but you better not try something."

"Me? Never." I said grinning.

We continued watching the movie, but I couldn't concentrate on it, I was too excited being this close to Parker. I knew I was pushing my luck as it was, but I couldn't help it and laid my arm over his shoulders.

"Tyler, do you want me to kick you out?"

"Parker, I swear I'm not coming on to you, it just feels so nice being close to you, that's all. This is totally innocent, trust me, please?"

"You're on very thin ice here. One wrong move and I'll never speak to you again, got it?"

"Yeah, great."

The movie was mind-numbingly boring, but I didn't care, I was in heaven.

After maybe half an hour I suddenly heard Parker sniffle and looked over, his eyes were glistening.

"Oh no, what's wrong? Is it me? I'll leave right now." I said worriedly and a little panicked.

"No...I mean yes, it is you in a way. I enjoy this way too much."

"You do? And that's so terrible that you're crying about it?"

"No, I just got sad, because this made me realize how lonely I really am and how much I needed some human contact."

"Come here...I swear on my life I won't do anything inappropriate."

I took him in my arms and he buried his face in my chest and cried silently while I gently stroked his back. After 10 minutes or so he lifted his head, but was too embarrassed to look at me.

"Hey, there's no shame whatsoever in letting go sometimes, alright? And just so you know, I'll always be there for you, whenever you need me. And you don't have to worry about my intentions anymore, cause holding you in my arms is like better than sex, so I can happily settle for that."

He looked at me and leaned forward. Our lips almost touched, but I held him back at the last second.

"What? I thought you wanted this?" he asked incredulous.

"Not like this. You're vulnerable right now, so I'd be taking advantage of you and that's like the last thing I want, even if it means missing the opportunity of a lifetime." He frowned.

"I think I've misjudged you."

"I'm so fucking hard right now." He giggled.

"Well, maybe not completely."

"I'm sorry." I said laughing and he started to laugh too.

"I thought you were crazy for being so unrelenting, but now I'm glad you were."

"Well, love tends to make people crazy."

"What? You're in love with me?" he asked surprised.

"Duh, of course I am, I thought that was blatantly obvious."

"No, you said you just had a crush on me."

"Yeah, at first, but it developed into more pretty quickly. I mean, you're like mesmerizing, I just couldn't help falling in love with you."

"That explains a lot actually."

"Have you ever been in love?"

"No, I haven't."

"It's intense, like a rollercoaster ride. I sometimes go from being as happy as I've ever been, just from seeing you, to being totally depressed, crying my eyes out, cause it hurts so much that I can't even talk to you. And you're always on mind. It's like a gift and a curse at the same time."

"I'm sorry it has been so hard for you."

"I'm not, tonight was like the best night of my life and it wouldn't have been if I weren't in love with you."

"I really want to kiss you right now."

"Well, you can't. Now how do you like them apples?" I said grinning.

"You're the worst." he answered, but had to grin too.

"So I've been told."

"I will probably change my mind about this by tomorrow, you know?"

"Yeah, exactly."

"Fine, suit yourself."

"I'm not doing this for my benefit."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"It's alright. Let's just watch the movie."

We resumed our previous position.

"You know, by the time the movie's over, it'll be pretty late, so I should probably sleep over, don't you think?" I said.

"I guess."

"And I really think I should sleep in your bed with you tonight." He giggled a little.

"That ship has sailed. Sorry." My eyes widened.

"Wait, what? You mean we would've ban...made love?"

"You will never know." he said smirking.

"I'm gonna kill myself." I gasped.

"Relax, we wouldn't have had sex, but I might have let you sleep in my bed."

"I'm still gonna kill myself."

"Stop whining, you get to hold me, don't you? I thought that's enough for you."

"It is, I'm sorry...You don't sleep naked, do you?"

"No."

"Thank god."

We watched the rest of the movie in silence and after taking turns in the bathroom, we said our 'good nights' and then Parker disappeared into his bedroom. I lay awake for a while, thinking about the past hours and how happy I was. I fell asleep smiling.