Moving On - 15. Chapter 15 - Strained Relations

Noah was silent for much of the two-hour drive south. The silence was tenser than I would have liked, but understandable, considering the fact that this was the first time I was going to meet his son. In reality he was much more nervous about me meeting Willow than me meeting Zach, but I'm trying not to get too far ahead of myself. Anyway, he did assure me that he was no more tense than he would have been had I not been there. I'm not entirely sure how much I believed that, but there wasn't much that I could do about it either way.

Noah had one hand in a death-grip on the steering wheel, but I refused to give up his other hand, clutching it tenderly. I couldn't believe how nervous I was to meet a little kid who didn't know me from Adam! The few times that Noah spoke, he calmly reassured me that Zach didn't have a hateful bone in his four-year old body. This reassured me, but did little to calm my nerves. I had been warned about Willow.

Finally, we pulled up in front of a rundown trailer. Paint was peeling off its sides, and the wooden steps leading to the door looked they would topple over if you so much as leaned against them, let alone tried to climb them. The front end of the trailer seemed lower on one side than the other, but I couldn't tell if that was really the case, or if my mind was so overwhelmed that I was actually imagining more damage than was actually there. One window on the side was broken, but the screen was still intact. With an internal chuckle, I amused myself with the notion that at least the bugs couldn't escape the sweltering August heat into the trailer.

Before we left the car, Noah reminded me for the umpteenth time that Willow was completely unfit to be in charge of plants, let alone a child.

"I don't know how, but she seems to have a sixth-sense when it comes to child services. Even when it's for an unannounced visit, Willow can somehow anticipate CPS's arrival and cleans up the trailer and puts on a show about how great of a mother she is. After a few attempts to make anonymous calls, she actually threatened to sue for me harassment and return to court seeking full custody. I had been so unsuccessful up to that point in the court system that I just didn't want to fight anymore.

"Please, Scott, just don't react. She's going to try to bait you to piss you off. Don't give her the satisfaction. Obviously she's manipulative, and just a genuinely miserable person. I never would have had anything to do with her if it weren't for Zach, and I love him far too much to walk away. I wish I could be more involved in his life, but I have to abide by the visitation agreement."

"I understand, and I'll just stay back and follow your lead. I'll try to be as invisible as possible," I said, but as I glanced at the trash-strewn excuse for a lawn, a scheme was already beginning to form in my mind.

As I opened the car door and kicked a glass bottle out of the way in order to get out, I surreptitiously slipped my cell phone out of my pocket and began to take pictures of what I was seeing. When Noah asked what I was doing, I just told him that Tom had texted me a question, and I was responding. I wasn't taking a backseat, even though I had said I would not even two minutes prior. If my assumptions were correct, these pictures would be necessary, and if I was wrong, Noah would be none-the-wiser.

As we neared the steps, a voice screamed loud enough for the neighbors to hear, "You sonovabitch!! Your asshole fag of a father'll be here in a minute!! You better be ready. Momma's got plans today."

I had to stifle a chuckle at the thought that a mother just called her son a 'son of a bitch', but the humor passed quickly as I remembered that this language was directed at a four-year old, and she had primary custody. I knew I would need to move ahead with my plan. Noah shot me a look that clearly read 'I told you that she's unfit'. After taking a deep breath to steel his nerves, he knocked on the door. Suddenly I felt like I was about to enter a viper's nest.

"Get the fuck in here! You need to man up and be a fucking father to this piece of shit!" Willow yelled from somewhere in the trailer.

Before opening the door, Noah whispered to me, "I'm really sorry, Scott. She's not usually this bad. Actually, I've never heard her so abusive before. Please just stay strong for me."

"I'm right by your side, no matter what happens," I replied.

Noah opened the door, and we walked into the cramped room. Just like the yard, the room was filled with trash. The few pieces of furniture in the room were almost completely hidden, and the little that was visible showed signs of damage and neglect. Keeping my phone out, I kept taking pictures while trying to keep Noah from noticing.

I glanced into the tiny kitchen, and like everywhere else, it was filled with trash. The sink was overflowing with dishes. The acrid stench of spoiled food filled the small area, and the air was filled with flies.

"Zach, where are you, buddy?! It's Daddy!" Noah called out. His face belied the optimism and excitement that he projected when he called to his son. If I hadn't already been thoroughly briefed on what to expect this weekend, I would have instantly realized just how much he hated being here and having to deal with this situation in order to spend time with his son.

Willow's voice rang out from the back bedroom. "Zach! Answer the fag! He has to deal with you now!"

There was no movement anywhere in the trailer and silence filled the air following Willow's outburst. Suddenly, the bedroom door burst open, and out stormed a waif of a woman. A cigarette dangled precariously from her thin lips. Her jet-black hair resembled a bird's nest, her face was gaunt, and she was so thin that I was sure she couldn't weigh more than 90 pounds. Her skin almost an ashy gray; I would have guessed that she was at least 40, if I hadn't known that she was 25, the same age as Noah. Even from a distance, I could clearly see the track marks up and down her arms from extensive drug use.

She didn't even notice us. She stormed over to a door on the hallway that I hadn't noticed yet and began banging loudly on it.

"Zach! Get your fucking ass out here! I don't have time to deal with your bullshit today."

Noah quickly rushed over to her, as Willow's anger was clearly rising.

"Stop! I'll go in and talk to him. He's just a four-year-old for God's sake! You shouldn't be yelling at him like that," he reprimanded her.

"He is my goddamn son, and I'll talk to him any way I fucking please! You ain't the boss of me. Who the fuck you think you are, coming into my house and tell me how to raise my kid? I oughta drag your ass back to court and take away all your visitation rights, you goddamn fairy."

"Please, Willow, he's my son, too. I'm sorry for talking to you like that; it's just that I only get to spend a few days a week with him. Just let me talk to him, then we'll sit in the living room and play, and you can do whatever it is you need to do."

With a loud sigh, she gave in, and stormed back into her room, muttering 'fucking faggot' as she went. With a loud crash, she slammed the door, and silence reentered the living space.

Noah gently knocked on Zach's door. "Zachy, are you in there? It's me, Daddy."

The door opened just a crack. I could barely hear a young voice whisper, "Daddy? Are you ok?"

"Of course I'm ok, little buddy? Why wouldn't I be?"

"Mommy's being really mean today. She didn't hurt you, did she?"

"Of course not!" he responded with a chuckle. "She didn't hurt you, did she?" Noah tried to keep his voice light, but I could hear the concern seeping through.

"No. When she gets mean, I play 'hide'. I'm really good at it."

With a laugh, Noah said, "I'm sure you are, buddy. Why don't you come out to the living room? I want you meet someone."

Zach's door flew open, and he jumped into Noah's arms.

"Hi Daddy! I missed you!" he said happily. It was the emotional turn-around that only a young child is capable of.

Noah carried him into the living room, and turned the boy around in his arms.

"Zachy, this is Scott. He's a really nice guy, and very important to me. He really wants to meet you."

"Hi Zach. Your daddy's told me a whole bunch of good things about you! It's nice to meet you."

"Hi," Zach said, shyly. "Daddy, is he your boyfriend?"

"Yes, buddy, he is." I couldn't help but grin when Noah said that. It made me feel good.

Zach was lost in thought for a few moments, tapping his chin with his tiny index finger as if that would help his concentration, before asking, "So does that mean that Mommy was right when she said you were a fag?"

A look of hurt flashed across Noah's face. Zach couldn't see it, as he was still facing me, but it tore me apart. No one, especially such a sweet boy, should be forced to live with someone so emotional and verbally abusive. Before Noah could respond, I decided to take the reins.

"Zach, that's not a nice word. It's mean, and it hurts people's feelings, so you shouldn't call people that."

"Oh. I sorry, Daddy. Mommy says it a lot, but I didn't know that word hurts your feelings! Don't be mad at me! PLEEEEEAAAASE!" Zach pleaded.

Noah laughed at the young boy's apology. "Don't worry about it, champ. You didn't know. Why don't we clear off some space and play some games out here for a little bit?"

"Actually, why don't you two get started? I think I need to make a quick phone call," I said. I could see the hurt and confusion spread on Noah's face. After all, I'd made a big deal of wanting to meet his son, and the first chance I get to spend time with him, I was begging off.

"Don't worry. I have a plan. I'll fill you in later, but just trust me for now." I kissed Noah's cheek and ruffled Zach's hair, which elicited a giggle from the boy, before leaving a perplexed Noah and stepping outside to make what I knew was going to be a difficult phone call. There was no way that I wasn't going to help this beautiful boy who clearly was in a horrible situation, even if that meant facing more of my past.

–  –  –  *  *  *  –  –  –

"Hello? Richard speaking."

"Hi, Dick. This is…"

"Scott…What the hell are you calling me for?"

"Sir, please, I don't know who to contact, but I really need some legal help."

"Ha! Managed to get yourself on the wrong side of the law? You know damn well that I am no ambulance-chasing scum of a lawyer who deals with criminals!"

"No, sir, it's not criminal. I'm pretty sure it's civil, but I don't even know that for sure."

"Sounds like you got yourself in a right little jam, then. Tell you what, since we were once almost family, I'll help you for a special rate. Twice my normal one. Now let me guess, your date at my son's funeral screwed you over and took your inheritance?"

I knew this conversation was going to bad, but it was going much worse than I thought. Still, I chuckled a little, since he was at least partially correct.

"What the hell's so funny?"

"Sorry, sir, you're completely wrong, but the tiny glimmer of truth just struck me as amusing. Look, let me start this whole conversation over. I am really and truly sorry for what I said at the funeral. My anger and grief took over, and I lost control. Honestly, I'm not sorry for WHAT I said, as much as HOW and WHERE I said it. It was disrespectful of Steve's memory to tarnish the funeral with my anger," I said, as modestly and conciliatorily as I could.

I paused to collect my thoughts, and there was silence on the other end. For a moment, I thought he had hung up on me. I was about to stupidly ask if he was still there, when I heard him sigh.

"Scott, you're right. Lydia and I have talked a lot about everything that happened just after his death and how we handled things. Well, not a lot, but in bits here and there over the last year. I know full well that you two were truly in love with each other, and that you only had his wishes in mind, and I let my own grief get the better of me. And I'm sorry, that I've been holding on to all that anger. Hell, I didn't even realize it was still there until your name showed up on the caller id. Now, what did that bastard do, and how can I help you. I know you well enough to know that you'd only call for help if there were no other options."

"Actually, I'm not calling about Will. Although maybe I should explain." I proceeded to tell Richard about how I had met Will while blindly running and how he'd allowed me to get everything off my chest and made me feel just a little better.

"I really thought he was just a friend helping me out, but one night, he crossed the line, and sent me into a tailspin. I actually left town for a long time and didn't return until the anniversary of Steve's death. I still thought he was a good guy at heart, but I'm not so sure now. That's a whole other story that I'm not in the mood to go into."

"I see. Whenever we talk to Tom, you don't really come up in the conversation, but he did mention you're doing better now."

"Well, that's actually more in lines with why I'm calling you, sir. Again, please remember that I'm calling you because I need help and don't know where to turn, so please don't get angry with me. In the last few weeks, I've met someone, and we've started dating."

I could almost hear the beginnings of rage on Richard's side of the phone.

"Please. I'm calling on his behalf. I don't know where this relationship is going yet, and I don't even know how strongly I feel about him, but I do know that I like him. For the first time since Steve's death, I feel alive again. Hell, sometimes almost one hundred percent. You can judge me all you want, but, PLEASE, he needs your legal expertise."

This time, I could hear the anger dissipate, as Richard let out a loud sigh.

"Honestly, Scott, that's a lot to take in for me. Deep down, I knew you'd probably find someone at some point, but I never really thought that I'd hear much about it. My default reaction is to say that I'm happy for you, but we both know that's not really true. I am happy that you're doing better. That's something that can't be completely said about me, and definitely can't be said for Lydia. All right, you've sold me on helping. And I'll even give you actually family rate," he said, with a slight chuckle. Through all the times that I'd interacted with him, I'd only heard that a few times, and it gave me hope that the whole 'Willow Situation' would be dealt with and Zach would get a better life.

"Ok, here's the deal." I proceeded to inform Richard about how Noah ended up with a child and the living situation that Zach was forced to be in. I included all of the vile things that Willow had said to, and around, Zach that I had overheard.

"Well, you're definitely correct that no child should be forced to live like that, especially when he has an able biological father who is willing to take him. Just so you know, this is a family court matter, and while I don't have too much experience with that particular court system, I know a few guys who could give me whatever help I need.

"I'm sure you know that courts regularly side with the mother, even if she is unfit. We're going to need proof that the living conditions are bad enough. You mentioned that she seems to clean up her act around Child Services, so simply involving them won't really help the situation. Maybe you could try to take photos and document it? They may or may not be admissible, but it would at least give us a starting point."

"I'm actually a step ahead of you. I already took about 20. Hold on, let me email them to you." I quickly emailed the photos, and within a minute, I heard Richard gasp in horror.

"Oh my God! Who the fuck would allow a child to live like that! Here's what I'm going to do. I need to make some calls. Since it's Friday, we may be able to do something, but I can't make any guarantees. Don't do anything rash. We're dealing with legal issues here, so we don't want to screw anything up by rushing. I'll get the ball rolling, but I really need to talk to Noah directly before long, since I'm going to actually be representing him in this matter."

"Thank you so much! I feel so helpless, but I know that Zach needs me to do something. Noah feels like he's trapped with no more options in this situation, and I think he's worried about what might happen if he tries again and loses. Hopefully with you in our corner, he'll realize that he has the help he needs."

"Well, realize that it's probably not a good start to a new relationship to go behind their back, even if it's in the best interest," Richard scolded me.

"Yeah, I know that. I know he'll understand; I just hope that he's not too mad at me."

"Ok, well I need to get started on my end. I'll talk to you soon." He chuckled. "Huh. Never thought I'd say that again."

I chuckled too, said goodbye, and walked back into the trailer. The mess that had once been on the coffee table had merged with the mess on the floor, and a game of Candy Land was under way. I sat down on the couch next to Zach and immediately noticed that Noah's character was way behind Zach's.

"Wow. You must be really good at this game," I told Zach. "Look how much you're winning."

Noah winked at me, with a smile. If he was still hurt or confused it didn't show.

"I don't know. Daddy keeps picking up several cards and then says 'Oops' and puts them back." He leaned in to me, and 'whispered' loudly, "I think Daddy's cheating, but he's not good at it."

With that, Zach drew a card, and moved his piece. Noah then drew about five cards, looked at them quickly, said "Oops, I can't believe I keep doing that!" and then put all but one back. I noticed it wasn't the top card, but instead one that only moved him forward a single square. I watched with amusement as Zach excitedly won a few minutes later.

"Only you would cheat at Candy Land. And lose," I said jokingly with Noah. He just grinned.

"I really didn't think he realized what I was doing. Since it's all luck, I wanted to make sure that he won. Look how happy he is."

We both watched for a moment, as Zach happily danced around the living room.

"You know, I taught him that dance," Noah said with another goofy grin.

Suddenly Zach stopped dancing. "Daddy, I gotta go potty."

"That's ok, buddy. You need help?"

"No. I can do it!" With that, Zach quickly ran out of the room.

Almost immediately, Noah's grin was gone. "Are you going to tell me what the hell that was about? You wanted to meet him, and then you immediately have to run off to make a phone call?" It was the first time he'd been angry with me, but I was prepared for it.

"Please don't be too mad at me. It just broke my heart to see how he's living. I called Dick. Steve's dad. He's a lawyer like Steve was. I was hoping maybe he could help get Zach out of here. I'm really sorry that I did all this behind your back just after I said that I'd follow your lead."

"Wait…that's what you did?!?" his voice wasn't angry anymore, and he completely ignored my apology. His eyes flickered with excitement of the thought of helping Zach. "How did that go?"

"In some ways better than I had hoped. It started much worse than I expected, but it got a lot better. I also took some photos of the house and sent them to him. He's now got it out for Willow, and believe me, he's not someone you want to face up against. He said he had to make a few calls and see what he could do. Also, you need to talk to him at some point, since he'll be representing you."

"Well, that'll be a little awkward. I've never had to interact with a boyfriend's husband's father before, but there's a first for everything. Hopefully he'll be able to help, but I can't allow myself to get my hopes up." The excitement that had entered Noah was beginning to wane, and I knew that his past legal struggles cut like deep wounds.

"We need to be optimistic. You can't let Zach see you this way. In the little time we've been here, I've see just how much he loves you, and how excited he gets when you're around. Besides, I think I'm falling in love with the little guy."

"I think his dad is beginning to feel the same about you." I blushed when he said that, and it made my entire body feel weak for a moment.

I gave Noah a quick kiss on the lips, just as we heard the toilet flush.

"I did it Daddy!" an excited blur said, zipping back to his spot between us on the couch.

"Good job, Zachy! I'm so proud of you! Hey, are you hungry? I think we should go get a pizza. What do you think?"

"PIZZAAAAAA!!!" Zach answered, which I could only assume meant that he thought the idea had merit.

Suddenly I remembered that Richard had warned me about not screwing up anything at this point.

"Zach, can you do me a favor?" I asked the boy.

"Maybe," he said, matter-of-factly.

"Can you go change your clothes?"

"Why?"

"Umm…because you spilled something on them." At this point I was just trying to get him out of the room so I could voice my concerns with Noah, and I had just backed myself in the corner. Zach pulled the bottom of the shirt out and very carefully examined it.

"No I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"Where?"

I pointed to random spot on his chest. When he looked, I used the textbook practical joke and tweaked his nose. He giggled.

"How about this: you don't need to change your clothes, but I need to talk to your daddy about something. Can you go to your room for a few minutes?"

Tears began to well up in his eyes when I said that. "Did I do bad? I don't wanna go to my room!"

Noah quickly wrapped his arms around him. "No, Zachy. Sometimes grownups need to talk to each other, and there's just no reason that a little kid like you needs to hear it. How about this:" Noah paused and dug around the junk for a moment, until he found a toy fire truck. "Why don't you play with this while Scott and I go talk outside?"

"So I'm not in trouble?"

He looked up at me, and my heart melted. He's eyes were brimmed with tears, and his bottom lip stuck out a little as he pouted.

"No, of course not, Zach. I'm sorry. Unlike your daddy, I'm still new at being around little kids. Please give me a second chance?"

He thought for a moment, again tapping his index finger to his chin. "Ok. You have a second chance. But I'm not little anymore. I'm four."

I laughed, and ruffled his hair, which caused him to giggle. Then he surprised me by jumping in my lap and giving me a big hug.

"Now if you'll excuse us for a minute, old man Zach," which caused the boy to giggle again, "Your daddy and I have to talk about something. Then we'll see what we can do about pizza."

"YAAAAAY!!!! I like pizza!"

We stepped outside, while Zach busied himself with the fire truck that apparently also delivered pizzas. To Mars. As soon as the door closed, Noah was on my again.

"Now what? You don't want pizza? Besides, it'll be good for him to get out of the house. I really don't think Willow even does that very often with him."

"No it's not the pizza. It's the getting him out of the house. You know better than I do that Willow is supposed to be with you at all times when you're with Zach. Granted, she hasn't bothered even leaving her room yet, but we have been in the same house the entire time."

Noah grumbled under his breath, "If you can even call it that."

"Anyway, Dick made it very clear to me that we need to make sure everything we do is legit. This visit is probably going to his 'Exhibit A', or whatever, in his case to strip Willow of her parental rights."

"I never thought about that. You're right. Hey, I got an idea." He opened the door and shouted, "Hey, Willow! I'm going to take Zach to get pizza, is that ok?!"

There was another squeal of excitement from Zach, immediately followed by a bellow from the back of the trailer.

"Fine, whatever! Just take the fucking bastard and get out of my hair for a while. I want to be alone anyway."

"Is that good enough for you?" He asked me with a grin.

"Almost. Hold on."

I ran to the car, and pulled out a pad of paper. I quickly wrote "I, Willow Hollin, hereby authorize Noah Abrams and anyone else in his company, to take my son, Zacharias Hollin, out of an area where I have direct supervisory capacity for the purposes of, but not limited to, obtaining food. Signed," I then put an X and drew a line.

"Have her sign this. Even if it doesn't hold up in court, it'll help our case to show that we're trying to do the right thing. It will also show that she doesn’t seem to give a damn about what her responsibilities are during your visits."

"Are you sure that Steve was the only lawyer? This is good!" Noah said with approval.

I laughed. "Nope, just Steve. But that's not to say that I didn't pick up a few tricks of my own."

We walked back inside. Zach was still focused on his fire truck. I walked over to him, while Noah headed for the lion's den.

"C'mon, Zach. Let's go get in the car while your daddy talks to your mommy real quick."

"Ok. But they were just about to deliver a pizza to Candy Land."

"Well, why don't you bring your truck with you, and you can deliver it in the car."

"Yeah!"

Just as I shut the door, I heard Willow speak (not yelling for the first time) "What the fuck is this?"

I looked in Willow's car, and saw a beat up car seat in the back. The car wasn't locked, so I opened the door and pulled it out. Looking at the size of it, I was pretty sure it wasn't intended for four-year olds, and with the condition it was in, I wasn't sure that it would actually be effective in the case of an accident, but it was better than nothing. I quickly strapped it into the back of Noah's car, then looked at Zach. He looked scared.

"Scott. I don't wanna ride in that."

"Why not?"

"Because it's scary."

"Doesn't your mommy strap you into it when you go places?"

"No. She said she couldn't be bothered. 'Sides, I can't move around when I'm in it."

"Well, it'll keep you safe if we get into an accident."

"What's an ass-a-dant?"

"It's when something bad happens that you don't think is going to happen. Like if we're driving and another car hits us. It'll hold you tight so you don't get hurt."

"Ooooooh. So like when I knock something over and it breaks? That's an ass-a-dant? I don't want to break."

"Ok. So let's strap you in here nice and tight."

I picked him up and strapped him in. He was completely secure, but he kept asking me to make the straps tighter.

"They're tight enough to keep you safe now."

"Are you sure? I don't want to break."

"No. You'll be fine. I promise."

Just then Noah came out holding the piece of paper. He saw me immediately, but didn't notice Zach.

"Where's Zach?" he asked, in the tone that only a worried parent is capable of.

"I'm right here, Daddy!" the boy giggled from inside the car, as he move the truck through the air.

"I didn't see you there buddy! I see you agreed to your seat. How'd Scott manage that?"

"He told me that I'd dent my ass if I didn't, and I don't want to break!"

I quickly translated that sentence for a bewildered Noah.

"Well, I'm glad he got you in there. I know you don't like it, but it makes me feel better too." Then to me, he added, "I've been trying to get him to use that thing for the past year, but he just won't get in it. Since I don't get too much time with him, I do what I can to avoid dealing with a screaming four-year-old as much as possible. You are amazing."

"I do my best. Did she sign it?"

"Without even reading it. I told her that it was to protect her if we didn't bring him back. And I mean it. He listened to you. He doesn't even do that for me sometimes."

With that, we got in the car, and it wasn't long before I noticed the telltale sign of the place we were going.