Moving On - 44. Chapter 44

The next day, which would have been Steve's thirtieth birthday, did not go as smoothly. I woke up so crippled with depression I could not bring myself to get out of bed. Noah brought me breakfast in bed, and practically spooned the eggs into my mouth when I made no effort to do it myself. Just before lunch, he came in, got out some clothes for me, and insisted I dress and join him, Terry, and Zach to eat. When I didn't respond right away, he moved to dress me – that got me moving, albeit slowly.

After I nibbled on my sandwich, he directed me to the car.

"Where are we going?" I asked quietly.

"We're going to the cemetery. I wish I could take away your hurt, but I can't. Today was a special day for Steve, so it'll always be special to you as well. Just go, sit beside his grave, and think of all the wonderful times you had with him. Oh, and bring him these," he responded, pulling a dozen calla lilies – Steve's favorite – from the backseat.

"How did you know?"

"I called Tom. Do you want me to have him join you? He asked if you'd want that, but I didn't know. I think he and his parents are going later this evening."

"No, I'll be fine. Thanks again for everything."

"You don't need to thank me for a thing. Again, I'm just trying to support you the best I can."

At my insistence, Noah came with me, and held my hand while I sat next to Steve's grave. I think that might have been the first time I had gone to the cemetery and never directly spoke; instead, I just replayed some of the best experiences of my life in my mind. As they flickered through, I realized several of the moments that brought me the most joy centered not on Steve, but on Noah and Zach. I asked myself how I could be so lucky to have found such an amazing man who accepted me for who I was, and never felt threatened that he shared a place in my heart with another man. He never worried that he was a replacement or a rebound. Noah is not perfect, but no one is. However, I would never be able claim that jealousy or impatience were among his faults.

On a Thursday in mid-May, coming back from karaoke, Noah informed me to keep Saturday clear.

"Why, what's going on?"

"Oh, nothing, I'm just taking you out for a special date," he replied.

"Why would I make plans to go out on Saturday without you?"

Noah fumbled for a moment. "Um, I don't know, I just don't want you deciding to throw together a party or something."

"Wouldn't I tell you if I was planning on doing that?"

"What's with the third degree? I just told you to keep it clear," he said, getting a little defensive.

"Sorry, babe, it just seemed out of the blue, and I was trying to understand your motives. I get the feeling that you're scheming."

He gave me a wink as he responded. "Maybe I am."

On Saturday, Noah went out to run a few errands, but only after reminding me twice about our date. "Make sure you figure out what you want to wear in advance. Pull out all the stops, babe," he told me as he left.

"Won't you be here when it's time to get ready?"

"Um, I might be running a bit late, so just be ready to leave at seven on the dot. I'll make sure I'm good to go."

Between five and six-thirty, he called me twice to make sure I was getting ready, and that I'd be "dressed to kill," as he put it. Tom came by to pick up Zach at six, and I couldn't help but notice he seemed a little off, barely making eye-contact with me.

"What's going on, Tom?"

"Nothing!" he said, a little too quickly. "Um, I mean, I don't know what you mean. Isn't Noah back yet?"

"How did you know he was gone?"

"… because his car wasn't outside?" he answered hesitantly.

"But if his car isn't outside, wouldn't that mean he's not here?" I asked, beginning to get frustrated and alone in the dark.

"Oh, yeah, I guess it would. Oh well. C'mon, Zach, let's go watch movies and eat lots of candy. Bring Beso, too."

"Oh boy!" Zach said excitedly, running to the car with the puppy close behind.

"Have a great night," Tom said, giving me a mischievous smile before leaving.

I finished getting ready, and was even ten minutes early. I was damn proud of myself, but Noah still had not returned and I was getting irritated that he was going to be late for our date after he made such a big deal of making sure I would be ready on time. I called his cell, but he didn't answer. I sat on the couch and fumed a bit as I waited.

Two minutes after seven, I called him again. This time he picked up.

"Sorry, babe, I'm stuck in traffic. Just watch TV or something while you wait. I shouldn't be long," he said, but I knew he was lying. If he was running late, he would be panicking, but he sounded completely calm.

I angrily tossed the phone back on couch and stewed. It didn't last long, though, since the doorbell rang about a minute later.

"Hello?" I asked, opening the door to reveal a man in a tuxedo.

"Your limousine awaits you, Mr. Hudgins," the man said, gesturing towards a stretch limo waiting at the curb.

"Noah Abrams, I'm going to fucking kill you," I muttered under my breath. However, the anger immediately dissipated as I realized it was all part of some big plan he had clearly worked very hard on. My heart skipped a beat, and I couldn't help but try to piece together just what the night might have in store for me.

The driver opened the door for me, and sitting in the back was my boyfriend, holding a dozen roses and dressed in a brand new suit that fit too well to be off a rack.

"Hey, babe, still mad at me?" he asked as I sat beside him and gave him a quick kiss.

"No, now I just want to know what the hell is going on," I said with a laugh. "I mean for Christ's sake, a limo? And that looks like a custom suit. This is more than just a date. I can't imagine how much this is costing."

"Don't worry about cost, and the suit wasn't that expensive; Will knows a really great tailor who can work wonders with a needle. Now just sit back, and relax. I want you to remember this night as one of the best of your life," he said, pulling a bottle of champagne out of an ice bucket and popping it open.

His comment really sent my mind into overdrive. Maybe, I thought to myself, he was going to propose. That would explain how both he and Tom were acting. We had talked about it a few times, but had never gotten farther than agreeing it seemed like a good step at some point in the future. I did my best to put it out of my mind and enjoy the champagne while being driven through the city with the man I loved by my side.

The limo pulled up to a hot new restaurant that opened a few weeks prior. All new restaurants in Atlanta seem to have a gimmick or quirk designed to set themselves apart from the countless other offerings in the city. Its gimmick was that it only opened for dinner Saturday nights, and was currently considered to be the 'it' place to dine. As soon as I had heard about it, I called to make a reservation, but the first open table was over a month away.

"We're eating here?" I asked incredulously, as we stepped out of the limo.

"Naw, I figured we'd just gawk at all the people lucky enough to get reservations," he responded with a straight face. "Of course we're eating here," he said when he saw the look I gave him.

"How did you manage that? I bitched to you about how long of a wait there was just last week."

"I remember that, and I interpreted it as a challenge. It turns out one of Will's exes – one of the few he's still on speaking terms with, I might add – is dating someone who is friends with the restaurant manager. Will called in a favor, and we now have a reservation."

"You are just full of surprises this evening," I told him with a smile.

We were quickly seated in a quiet little corner. The atmosphere was cozy and romantic.

"You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you're just trying to make sure you got laid tonight. You didn't have to do all this," I said after we were alone.

"Yes, I did. I love you, Scott Hudgins, and every now and then, you deserve to be treated like a prince. You've had shit happen in your life that no one should have to go through, but you're still strong and happy, and you're the greatest thing that ever happened to me."

Almost as soon as he finished speaking, a bottle of champagne was delivered, compliments of the restaurant manager. By this point, I was positive Noah was about to propose. I tried to hold the glass up to the light to check for a ring sitting in the bottom. It would be my luck that I would swallow a ring hidden someplace intended to be romantic. There was no ring, but Noah interpreted my action as a toast, so I quickly improvised something, and it seemed to satisfy him.

We ordered our food, and chatted idly while we waited. Noah seemed completely at ease, but I was a basket case, wondering exactly when and how he would be proposing to me over the course of dinner. When the food came, I carefully poked around with my fork, trying to not be obvious.

Suddenly, Noah got out of his chair and dropped to one knee. I let out a quiet gasp, and clasped my hands over my mouth, as my eyes began to water and my heart seemed to jump right out of my heart. Noah picked up his napkin and sat back in his chair. I had not realized he had dropped it. I did my best to play off my reaction, but I was crestfallen, and it must have shown on my face.

"What's wrong, babe?" he asked, rubbing my arm.

"I don't know, I'm being stupid, I think. I guess I'm just reading signs that aren't there," I admitted.

Noah looked at me blankly for a moment before laughing. "Oh, did you think I was about to propose?"

I merely blinked and nodded my head.

"Scott, I promise that when I propose to you, it will be unique and something you'll remember for the rest of your life. It won't be something cheesy straight out of a movie. You'll never see it coming."

That settled my nerves, and we had a wonderful dinner and great conversation. Of course the second bottle of champagne was followed by a bottle of wine, and by the time dessert came, I was definitely feeling more than a little buzzed. Once we finished our dessert, we walked back outside and into the limo, where I noticed another bottle of champagne chilling.

"Ok, before I thought you were trying to impress me out of my pants, now I'm beginning to think you just want to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me," I said with a laugh. "But seriously, Noah, I need to slow down on the alcohol. I don't want to ruin the night by getting sloppy."

"Oh, I don't need to get you drunk or rent a limo to get into your pants, babe. I'm more than capable of doing that anytime I want. Besides, that bottle is for afterwards."

"After what?"

"You'll see. Just relax and let's cuddle as we ride around town."

I relaxed in his arms as we were chauffeured around the city. It did not seem like there was a destination in mind, as we seemed to travel all over. I was content to just take in the sights and enjoy the romantic moment with Noah. After about an hour, with us both staring aimlessly out the window and enjoying a peaceful silence, I felt Noah shift around. I glanced over and saw him texting someone, trying to be discrete.

"What's so important it couldn't wait until later?" I asked, suddenly very irritated that our evening was being interrupted.

Noah looked like a deer caught in headlights, but quickly recovered. "Sorry, I thought I was being slick. Don't worry about it; I just had to take care of something. Here, you can have my phone so I'm not distracted again," he said, although I noticed he quickly turned it off before handing it over.

Immediately, my overactive imagination took over, and I could not help but wonder if he was seeing someone else and the amazing date he was taking me on was his way of assuaging his guilt. Then I realized I was being ridiculous. We were around each other so often, I doubted he would have time to cheat on me, even if he wanted to.

"Here, put this on," he said, breaking me from my thoughts and handing me a blindfold. I looked at him suspiciously. "Just trust me," he added.

I slipped the blindfold on, and was immersed in darkness. I could sense him doing something, but I assumed it was just making sure I was unable to see. I was not entirely sure, though, since I was unable to see. I heard Noah knock on the partition, and resigned myself to my fate and rested my head on Noah's chest as we rode.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, but was probably less than ten minutes, we came to a stop. Noah helped me out of the limo, and guided me along a path and up a hill. He carefully maneuvered me into position before removing the blindfold. I blinked rapidly a few times as my eyes adjusted. When I finally took in the scene, I let out a gasp, unable to believe what I was seeing.

I was standing in front of Steve's grave, the entire area brilliantly lit with hundreds of tea candles. It was hauntingly romantic, and in hindsight, I am a little surprised that it did not come across as creepy. I immediately began scouring my brain for important dates or events in Steve's life I might have missed, but couldn't think of anything. The closest I could come was I was pretty sure his grandmother, who had been dead for six years, was born on May nineteenth, but this was the eighteenth and that was already a big stretch.

"Why did you do this… no, how did you do this?"

He wrapped his arms around my waist and stared deeply into my eyes with his golden hypnotic orbs.

"That text you caught me sending was to Will, telling him and Jason to light the candles."

"Will and Jason are here?" I asked, spinning around to look for them. He grabbed me and turned me back so I was facing him again.

"No, they just lit the candles and left. They're probably on their way to the movies right now. It was my treat."

"Ok, now I need to know why," I said firmly.

"Because I wanted tonight to be special," he said simply, giving me a gentle kiss. He spun me around so I was facing Steve's grave, wrapped his strong arms around my chest, and squeezed me gently. I couldn't help but let out a quiet groan of approval.

"Besides," Noah continued, "He's the first person that you're going to want to tell. I figured we could just do it here and save us a trip." I spun around in his arms again and looked directly in his eyes. They twinkled more than normal, and he was sporting a cheesy grin.

"What do y–" I started to ask Noah what he meant, but was cut off when he abruptly broke our embrace and knelt in the grass. From his jacket pocket, he pulled out a small box. I gasped, unaware I had been holding my breath.

"When you say you'll marry me." He said softly. He opened the box, but all I could see were his golden eyes. With all of the candles that surrounded us, they gleamed brighter than the finest diamonds I had ever seen. I was completely lost in those eyes, and part of me hoped I would never be found again.

The sound of Noah clearing his throat brought me back to my senses.

"Scott Hudgins, will you marry me?" This time it was a question. I looked at his whole face, and realized that he was amused by my stare, but also apprehensive that I hadn't answered right away.

"Yes, yes, yes!!!! Oh, God! Of course I'll marry you, you idiot!" Warm tears were streaming down my face, and even though I had practically yelled my entire response, to this day I am not sure how I managed to make a sound with the grin that was plastered on my face.

He stood up, and slipped the ring on my finger. It felt so comfortable, like it belonged. In fact, it felt like…

Noah leaned in to offer me my first kiss as my fiancé. I put my left hand to his face to stop him. I had to know. I gasped in horror, and was suddenly completely aware of where we were standing.

I began to yell. "What the fuck, Noah?! You take me to my dead husband's grave, ask me to marry you, and then give me the same ring my husband gave me, all while fucking standing on his grave?! Is this some kind of sick fucking joke to you?" My voice broke. The pure anger had melted away into a bitter combination of sadness, pain, and betrayal. "I thought you loved me. This isn't love; this is a macabre side show."

One look at Noah told me he honestly didn't know what he did wrong. I pulled my life back together for him. He was the one who taught me to love again, to put away the painful memories and make room for new ones. Realizing that he hadn't expected this outcome possibly hurt more than anything else. He knew how much Steve meant to me, how hard it had been to get over his death.

At that moment, I just wanted to die. At least then, I could be with Steve. He never would have tried to pull this shit on me. Holding in my sobs as best as I could, I turned to leave. I felt Noah grab my arm. I tried to shake him off, but his grip was too strong.

"Scott… shit! I should have explained before. I never thought you'd react that way to the ring immediately. I should have, but I didn't. I hoped that by the time you noticed, I would have had a chance to explain…" Noah paused for a second and let out a deep breath.

His grip loosened on my arm, and I took the chance to pull my arm free. It sounded like the Noah I loved. My Noah. I couldn't tell if that thought was further breaking my heart or healing the wound that had just been inflicted upon it. I knew he needed to explain himself, if only to give myself some closure before I left.

"Remember last August when you brought me here to meet Steve after karaoke, and how he spoke to me, threatening to come after me if I ever hurt you? Well, he spoke to me a second time that night." Noah put his hand on my chin and looked me straight in the eyes. Those beautiful eyes that had lit my entire world just a few moments before looked almost lifeless. Instantly, I knew he was telling the truth.

"After I left, you spoke with him for a few moments. You kissed the headstone and walked back towards me. Before you got to me, Steve told me to come back, because he had something for me. You were so mentally exhausted you collapsed just outside the cemetery, and I let you take a brief nap."

"I remember that." My response came out as a strange combination of anger and wistful remembrance. That night had been – up until this moment – the happiest night of my recent life. It had even somehow managed to be up there with my wedding night and the night Steve proposed as three of the best nights of my life. However, it had now been ruined forever. The anger was fading quickly. I wondered if I had been too rash; maybe if I had not jumped to conclusions, Noah would have explained everything and I would have understood. Then that night would still be remembered for all the wonderful things that happened. The night of our first kiss.

I suddenly realized I had withdrawn into my memories. I looked back to Noah. He was just waiting patiently for me to come back to reality before he continued. He knew me too well.

"When I walked up to the grave, I saw your ring. I knew what you had done." Noah continued. His voice was weak, and I realized he had been holding back tears. He took a deep breath and wiped his eyes. I hoped he was strong enough to get through what he had to say without breaking down, because I was certainly not strong enough to support him in my current state.

"Seeing your ring on the headstone was probably the greatest sight I had ever laid my eyes on. I knew in that instant I had a real chance of being with you – that you could fall in love with me, and I could be yours." He paused again to wipe his eyes.

I took the opportunity to put my hand around his waist and walked him over to a tree. Noah slumped down at the base. I quickly sat down and allowed him to pull me into him. I didn't know where Noah's story was going, but I knew my reaction to the ring had been wrong. This was where I belonged.

"But you gave me his ring," I started. The anger wasn't there anymore. I just needed to know why.

"Steve told me that he wanted me to take the ring. He said I would know what to do with it." He looked at me and half-smiled, I saw that his eyes weren't quite sparkling, but they looked alive again. "Look carefully at the ring, I had it modified. I couldn't just give you his ring, I had to give you our ring."

I stood up and walked to Steve's headstone, where the largest cluster of candles were still glowing. I took the ring and held it in the light. It was different. It looked like it had been covered in thousands of flakes of gold. It shimmered more than Noah's eyes had when he asked me to marry him. I gasped when I saw it.

"Read the inscription" Noah said. I hadn't heard him come up behind me, and I jumped a little as he gently wrapped his arms around me.

I looked, and was confused. Not hurt, just confused. All I saw was "Scott and Steve: Forever in Love". I glanced at Noah, the confusion plainly visible on my face.

He just chuckled. "Other side, babe."

I did, and immediately let out another gasp. I blinked tears from my eyes and turned around. I gently put the ring back into the palm of Noah's hand.

He looked hurt, and I immediately realized how he had interpreted my action.

"No. I just want you to ask me again."

Holding both of my hands, he looked me straight in the eyes. "Will you marry me?"

"Yes." It barely came out as a whisper. I had lost myself in his eyes again.

Noah leaned forward and kissed me. The entire world was lost as we stood there with our lips pressed together. As we broke the kiss, Steve spoke to me for the last time in my life.

We held hands as we made our way back to the limousine, which would take us back to our life together. A life I hoped we would build together for endless years to come.

Noah's inscription had read "Noah and Scott: For as Long as Steve Allows"

Steve's response?