What Is True Love Anyway? - 1. Chapter 1

Part I - The beginning

Dan and Sam grew up together in the 50's and 60's when families were close, life was simpler, drug usage meant heroin in New York, and gays were called other names. Japanese were still called "Japs" and Made in Japan meant cheap and to be ridiculed - but Americans bought it anyway, didn't we. Words like Migs and commies were all part of the war games they played over in the holler where there was plenty of loose dirt to fall down in and mounds of rock and dirt to hide behind.

Cowboys and Indians was a favorite game, and when Sam's sister, Nancy, was available, she would play the nurse who wrapped their imaginary wounds and soothed their pain, real and imaginary. She had such a nice soothing way of stroking their heads gently, running her fingers through their hair, that even at age seven and eight, it was fun.

The boys were what was considered cute. Both were a bit on the skinny side in their grade school years. Dan was short for his age, until he hit the twelfth grade, and lightweight with light brown hair and hazel eyes. People probably thought him an emotional child because all of his emotions were so close to the surface. He laughed a lot, but he cried easily, too. And just about anything could bring him to tears, whether it was an injury, or a lost kitten returned home, or his brother getting a spanking, or his best friend Sam laying in the hospital with his tonsils just removed.

Dan was also very affectionate, a cuddler from start to finish. He cuddled his cats, his mom and dad, his best friend Sam, and sometimes even his older brother.

Sam was a lot like Dan, a little taller and a little heavier built with sandy blond hair and blue eyes. But Sam was more aggressive, better able to face down his foes and his fears than Dan. Maybe that's why Dan looked up to Sam so much. Probably the biggest difference between the two boys, at least in their grade school years, was the level of their emotions. Sam seemed content to leave other people alone. He was never all that close to his two brothers and one sister, and at times it seemed that Dan was closer to Sam's dad than Sam was. This apparent lack of emotional attachment was true with everyone except Dan, and when it came to Dan, nobody was closer than Sam. Sam was Dan's protector, his guardian, his confidante, his best friend. They did everything together. Living across the alley from one another helped, for they were seldom separated throughout grades 1 thru' 6. They went to the same school, were in the same Cub Scout den, sang in the church youth choir, were always on the same teams in neighborhood games, and were constantly spending the weekends together at one house or the other.

Their dads both worked for the same company which sponsored two week camp sessions throughout the summer, and the boys always went to the same session and always asked to be in the same cabin. Sam always got the bottom bunk, and Dan always got the one just above it. They loved camp and would have attended every session if their parents could have afforded it. There was riflery, archery, crafts, nature, swimming lessons and free swim time every day. In the afternoon, there was always some kind of sporting event pitting one cabin against another - softball, volleyball, basketball. This was one area where the two boys weren't together. Sam loved all sports, Dan didn't like any of them. Sam was always one of the first chosen to play, Dan always did his best not to get chosen. Swimming was the only sport they enjoyed together.

Dan and Sam were such fun-loving kids, they could always make those around them laugh, especially Dan. His childish antics had everyone around him chuckling, whether they were kids his own age or older people. Because of this, his cabin mates at camp would probably have been surprised had they known of his bed time difficulties. You see, there was something else that could bring Dan to tears quickly, and that was music - not all music, of course, but special music. And the routine every night at camp was to signify lights out by playing The Lord's Prayer on the camp loudspeaker. On Fridays, they played Ave Maria for the Catholic kids. It didn't matter which one was played, Dan almost always cried when he heard it. The soothing, melodious tones reminded him of home and the love he knew there, and quite honestly, it was love that was at the root of Dan's emotions. His love for animals, family, Sam - these were the things that could make Dan cry. And on those nights when he felt Dan's crying gently shaking the bunk bed, Sam would quietly crawl out from under his covers and climb up into Dan's bed. And they would hug each other and snuggle down under the covers until Dan dropped off to sleep. Usually Sam was able to wait and get back into his own bunk to sleep, but occasionally the cabin counselor would find the two together when he came in to get ready for bed and would lift Sam out of one bunk and put him into the other.

This action of friendship was always a topic of discussion at the counselors' break room, but never in a derogatory way. The boys' friendship was so overwhelmingly obvious during the day, no one found this bed sharing unusual. In the 50's people didn't immediately begin to question kids' sexual orientation simply because two boys or two girls were seen holding hands or hugging or sleeping in the same bed. In fact, year after year at camp, the counselors from the other cabins would often stop by the one Sam and Dan were assigned to to see if the boys were sleeping together. Even in the shielded light from a flashlight, the boys were as cute as they could be, their faces of innocence resting next to each other on the pillow, their arms resting over the other's ribcage.

But, sooner or later, everybody begins to "grow up," and Dan and Sam weren't any different than anybody else. It was January, 1959 in the middle of their eighth grade year their first experience of pubescent sexuality happened one night when Dan was staying at Sam's house. Sam's bedroom provided a lot more privacy than Dan's did, so they could do more things - like leave the light on without attracting attention.

Sam lay on his back in his bed, naked as a jaybird, his little three inch erection standing straight and proud from his hairless groin. Dan lay on his tummy at Sam's side, his shoulder and head resting on his best friend's right thigh. As Dan stared at the penis before him and once again marveled at its beauty, its awesomeness, and slowly stroked it and the ballsac below it, he tried to think of how he could bring up a subject that had been on his mind for several days. Even as close as the boys were, they had never discussed sex stuff before.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?" Sam answered, his eyes closed, his voice relaxed and his breathing even. "What're you thinking about?"

"My dick, silly, whad'ya think I'm thinking about?"

"So what are you thinking?"

"I'm just thinkin' about how good it feels when you do what you're doin'. There's nothin' that feels better than playin' with my dick, 'cept when you play with it."

"Have you ever thought there might be more to this than just twisting and squeezing it and rubbing your balls like I'm doing now?"

Sam finally opened his eyes and watched as Dan continued to run his little fingers all over Sam's pubic area.

"No. Why, is there?"

"I don't know," Dan answered as he stared at Sam's penis and tiny ball sac. He was starting to think, though, that maybe there was more. He knew that Sam's penis had started taking on new meaning recently, and he was starting to feel differently than he used to when he played with it and looked at it.

After several more minutes of this quiet, peaceful sharing, Dan spoke softly once again. "Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever talked with Jimmy or John (Sam's much older brothers) about sex stuff?"

"No," Sam answered sleepily. He was tired, and Dan's fingers rubbing his penis and balls was having its usual intoxicating affect on him.

"Have you ever talked to Bob about it?"

Bob was Dan's brother who was two years older.

"No, but when he's in bed and thinks I'm asleep, I sometimes hear his hand rubbing against the sheet. He was doing it the other morning, and when I opened my eyes it was light enough that I could see his hand moving. It looked like he was rubbing it across the head of his penis."

The boys had recently found that they usually used slang words like dick, peter, prick or willy when they referred to their peckers (there's another word they used) when they were just funning around, but penis seemed to have an erotic affect, not that they thought in terms of words like erotic yet.

"I tried it once when he wasn't around and all it did was make me have to pee. I almost wet the bed for cryin' out loud."

Sam snickered at the image that popped into his head of Dan running from his bed to the bathroom squeezing his dick to hold back the pee.

"Sure hope you didn't run into anything. You might have bent it," he said, giggling.

"Bent it, hell, I might of broke it!" Dan responded using the punch line of an old joke they had heard.

The boys were quiet for a while before Dan spoke again.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"I think your penis is really pretty."

"Pretty!? Yuck. How about handsome, or cute or good looking? Pretty's for girls!"

"Well, good looking, then. But I really like looking at it and playing with it like this."

"Thanks, Danny, I like that."

Sam only called his friend Danny when he was feeling especially close to him, like now. Although he wasn't really aware of it, Danny was truly a term of endearment.

Again, the boys fell silent as Dan continued to stare at Sam's penis. Sometimes he would raise up on his elbow and get really close to it, looking at the tight slit on the head where his friend's pee came out. Sometimes, when he was close enough, he would sniff it, enjoying a smell he couldn't identify. This, too, was something new that he had just started to notice recently. It wasn't stinky like dried pee or anything, but it wasn't just a fresh soapy smell either. It was sort of like soap mixed with sweat, but not unpleasant like underarm sweat.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever seen your brothers naked?"

"Naw. They've always avoided me whenever it was time to change clothes or get dressed or take a bath, and everyone's real careful to keep the bathroom door locked. How 'bout you? You ever seen Bob naked?"

"Yeah, the other day I walked in on him in the bathroom. You know ours doesn't have a lock on it."

"Yeah, so did you see anything interesting?"

"He has hair already."

"Shoot, I've got hair. So do you!" Sam said, laughing, as he ran his fingers through the hair on Dan's head.

"Not up there, silly!" Dan said, giggling. "Down here!" And he gave Sam's penis an extra strong squeeze.

Sam jerked as Dan squeezed his dick. "No shit?"

"Yeah. You know he's 15 and it looked like a lot. Are we ever going to get pubes?”

"I suppose so. Eventually"

All this time, probably a half hour or more, Dan had continued to play with Sam's penis and nuts, as Sam just lay there, sometimes with his eyes closed, sometimes looking at Dan's hand moving around on his crotch.

The boys were silent for a few more minutes as Dan continued to stare at Sam's crotch, marveling at the way Sam's body made a little mound that surrounded the base of his prick. The more he looked at Sam's slender three inch hardon and smooth, hairless ballsac, the stronger those new unfamiliar feelings seemed to get... the ones that so often made him cry for no apparent reason.

He suddenly realized that he wanted to lean forward and kiss his best friend on that mound at the base of his penis. This startled and scared him. He couldn't figure out where those feelings had suddenly come from. Then, without apparent reason, he started to whimper. His tears were so frustrating. He wasn't hurt, and he wasn't sad, so why was he crying? And the more he cried, the worse it got.

Soon Sam could feel Dan's tears dripping onto his thigh and he could hear Dan's sniffles. He knew Dan was like this, that his best friend could cry at the drop of a hat and without any apparent reason. Opening his eyes and looking at his best friend who now had his eyes closed as tears streamed across his cheeks, Sam sat up and laid his arm across Dan's shoulder.

"Come up here, Danny," he whispered, as he drew his little friend up across his chest.

Sam gently rubbed his hands over his friend's naked back and shoulders as Dan rested on his chest. "That's OK," he whispered, "I'm here, you're here, and all's right with the world."

Strange words for a thirteen year old? Where do such thoughts and expressions come from at that age?

Dan soon fell asleep, lying with his left arm draped over Sam's right shoulder, his head and upper body lying on Sam's chest and midriff. Sam just lay there, stroking his friend's hair with one hand and his back with the other, allowing his own erection to subside, even as he felt Dan's start to take form against his leg.

After about fifteen minutes, Sam reached down and wrapped his fingers around Dan's slender three inch hardon and began to gently twist it back and forth between his fingers and thumb. This attention to his most sensitive part soon woke Dan up.

"Mmmm, that feels good," Dan said, as he sighed and rolled over onto his back. "Don't stop."

Sam scooted down on the bed so that he was in the same position Dan had been in earlier. "Not for awhile, anyway," he said. "We have all night, and I'm just getting started."

Part II - six months later

School was finally out, and the boys were looking forward to their two weeks at summer camp. Dan was once again spending the night at Sam's house. They had spent the evening playing Monopoly with Sam's parents and sister, Nancy. Dan liked Sam's mom and dad, especially his dad. For some reason that he could not explain, he often felt closer to Mr. Russell than he did to his own dad. He took advantage of every opportunity to sit close to him on the couch when they watched television.

Mr. Russell had stopped by Sam's bedroom as he made his rounds before going to bed and almost caught the boys in one of their almost nightly rituals of self examination. The youngsters had been lying on Sam's bed with their jockey shorts around their knees examining themselves and each other for any signs of pubic hair, of which there was none, when Sam's dad knocked on the door and immediately opened it to say good night. He saw just enough as the boys grabbed the covers and pulled them up to their chests to know what they had been doing. But it wasn't any surprise. Although Sam and Dan had thought they were being careful all these years, their parents had always been fully aware of what they did when they were alone together.

"Night boys," Mr. Russell said as he pulled the door closed. "Don't stay up too late."

"Boy that was close," Dan said, his heart beating rapidly in his chest.

"I'll say! My pecker just lost all it's stiffness!" Sam responded with a giggle.

Pushing the covers down, Dan said, "Yeah, me too. Look."

And sure enough, lying in their laps were two little flaccid peckers, still bald, still skinny, still accompanied by two miniature nuts in their hairless, wrinkled sacs.

Sam pushed his underpants off his legs and knelt between Dan's feet. He bent forward and grabbed the waistband of Dan's briefs and tugged them off.

"Well, I like your pecker soft," he said, looking at Dan with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye. "But it won't be that way for long. Get ready for the attack of the peter petter!"

"Ooh! I'm scared," Dan said with a giggle, squirming down further on the bed so he lay flat on his back. He spread his legs a little further apart as Sam lay down on his tummy between them, his head just above his friend's prick.

As Dan laid his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes waiting for the joys he knew his best friend could provide, Sam just stared at his pecker. He had been experiencing the same feelings Dan was. They hadn't really talked seriously about their feelings since that night in January, although they had continued playing with each other whenever they had the chance.

Tonight, Sam started with a game of peek-a-boo that he only used on rare occasions. The boys were both circumcised, but Dan had quite a bit of loose skin resting just behind the glans when he was soft. There was enough, in fact, that taking his friend's dick in both hands, Sam was able to push the head down into the loose skin on Dan's dick so that it was completely hidden. This made his friend look uncircumcised, and both boys enjoyed watching the head slowly work its way out of the hood when Sam let go of it. As the head pooped fully into view, Sam would whisper, "Peek-a-boo!"

Of course, it didn't take much of this treatment to get Dan's hardon fully established, and Sam settled down to examining it as he always did, with great attention and much fingering. Using both hands, he played with his friend's balls and dick at the same time, rolling the nuts softly between thumb and fingertips as he twisted Dan's shaft in a rotating back-and-forth motion. As he played with it and stared at it, Sam found himself feeling many of those strange new feelings that he couldn't quite describe or understand.

The penis before him held Sam's rapt attention. He studied it in minute detail, sniffing it as Dan had done to his so many times now. The smell was definitely different this year than it had ever been. Or was it that they were just beginning to react to the smell? Were their hormones starting to kick in and produce different reactions?

Sam didn't think of these things. He just knew he was fascinated by the penis he held so softly between his fingers. Suddenly he noticed something new. He moved his face even closer to Dan's penis, so close in fact that Dan could feel his hot breath.

"What's this little circle on your penis, Danny?"

Opening his eyes and lifting his head off the pillow, Dan paused a moment to enjoy the proximity of his friend's face to his prick. Seeing Sam's hands on his penis caused one of those warm feelings he had been having in the last few months. Then he looked at where Sam was pointing to his penis.

"Oh, that's a chicken pox scar. Mom said I had it really bad when I was little, but that's the only scar I know of. Strange, huh?"

"I think it's neat. How many guys can say they have a beauty mark on their penis?"

Gosh I wish I knew what's going on each of them was thinking to himself. I don't understand my own feelings and I don't know how bring it up.

Dan lay back and closed his eyes as Sam continued playing with his sensitive, erect penis, stroking it with light feathery strokes. Sam liked to form his fingertips into a circle and starting below Dan's ballsac, draw his fingertips lightly up across the scrotum and along the length of the stiff shaft to the head. As soon as his fingertips slid off the head, he would start over, repeating this same motion over and over again. Both boys had enjoyed playing with their friend this way for a long time now. Up til now they just did it until one or the other got tired or too sensitive to continue.

Tonight, though, was different. As Sam played, he noticed Dan's breathing change. It lost that smooth, calm, relaxed rhythm and became ragged, harsh, heavy, noisy. At the same time, he noticed Dan's hips start to move just a little bit, up and down in time with but counter to his hand gestures.

"What's wrong, Danny? You want me to stop?"

"God no, don't stop! I don't know what's going on, but that feels sooo good!"

As his friend was answering, Sam's hand had stopped. Unconsciously, he had wrapped his hand completely around his friend's penis and squeezed it, almost like he was afraid it would get away from him.

"Oh wow!" Dan exclaimed. "Do that some more, use more pressure! That felt ... aahhh! That feels sooo good!"

Staring at the hard penis in his hand, Sam thought the same thought that had been going through his mind over and over for the last few months. Gosh his penis is beautiful. Is that a good word to use for a guy? Can I tell him his penis is beautiful, or would he think that's a sissy word?

Sam began moving his hand again. But this time he didn't go back to the fingertip method. Instead, and for some reason he didn't understand, he left his hand wrapped around Dan's penis and moved his whole hand up and down the slender shaft. This was entirely new to him, but he could tell that Danny liked it. His balls seemed to pull up tighter in their sack until they almost disappeared, and his hips began to move even more forcefully up and down on the bed.

"O God, Samuel. Keep doing that! What's happening to me? I feel like my nuts have been sucked up into my stomach!"

"I don't know what's going on, Danny. Have I ever told you I think your penis is beautiful?"

All of a sudden, as though Sam's use of the diminutive form of his name and his statement that the penis in his hand was beautiful had some special power, Dan's body began to do things he had never experienced. He began to feel things he had never felt. It was almost frightening. These feelings were so powerful, so wonderful, and yet so strange. As his hips bucked up and down, thrusting his penis through the circle of his best friend's fingers and palm, Dan couldn't keep quiet.

"Ooooh Samuel. I'm scared! What's happening to me? No, don't stop! That feels soooo good!"

And he came for the first time in his life. His dry orgasm took over his body and left him unable to say anything. All he could do was grunt and gasp as this new pleasure overwhelmed him.

"Uuuuuunnngghh! Oooooohhhh! Uuuuunnnggghhh!"

Sam stared wide eyed at his best friend humping up and down on the bed, listening to his grunts, feeling the slender cock in his hand swell and pulse more powerfully than ever before. He, too, was almost scared by what his friend was doing. This was all so new. What the hell is going on? He thought to himself. But he kept stroking Danny's penis, up and down, up and down, furiously, until Dan finally collapsed back on the bed in a dead faint. If his chest hadn't been rising and falling so rapidly, Sam would have thought him dead.

Even Sam, who didn't cry nearly as easily as Dan did, found that tears were leaking from his eyes and dripping across his cheeks. Golly, what was that? What have I done? Is he OK? God, let him be OK!

A moment later, Dan opened his eyes and looked at his best friend with a sudden, deeper affection than ever before. He smiled down at Sam who still lay between his legs, holding onto his rapidly deflating penis.

"Are you OK, Danny?"

"Oh Samuel. Yeah! You have to try that. That was awesome!"

The boys lay there quietly for a moment. Sam let go of Dan's dick and just laid his head on his crotch, Dan's penis resting against his cheek. He'd never done this before, but it just seemed the right thing to do at the time.

After a few minutes, Dan reached down and drew Sam up to lay beside him. As he reached out and wrapped his hand around Sam's penis, which had softened by this time, he was finally able to speak what was on his mind.

"You know I asked you a few months back if there was something more to it than just playing with each other like we always have?"

"Yeah," Samuel said sleepily.

"Well, I think we just got our answer. There is definitely more to it!" Dan said with a giggle. And as the feelings of joy and euphoria continued to ebb and flow within him, his giggles turned to laughter. Soon, Sam was laughing with him, even though he didn't know why.

A moment later Sam spoke again in a whisper. "Danny?"

"Yeah?"

"Uh... you're... uh... really special, ya know?"

"Yeah, Samuel. I know. You're special to me, too."

"Thanks, Danny. I... uh... lo. "

"What, Samuel?"

"Oh, nothin'. Let's just go to sleep, huh?"

"Oh. OK. 'Night."

"G'night, Danny."

The boys silently reached into each other's briefs and wrapped their hand around their friend's limp and shriveled penis. They woke the next morning in the same position, holding onto their friend's morning woody.