What Is True Love Anyway? - 9. Chapter 9

Part I - From whence does my help come?

With tears streaming down his cheeks and on the verge of emotional collapse, Dan ran through the house and into his bedroom. Oh how he wished there was a solid door to his room instead of that damn folding rattan piece of crap, to say nothing of the window that opened onto the enclosed back porch. He just knew that his mom, dad and brother could hear him crying, but where else could he go?

He had worked so hard not to break down in front of Sam. Yes, they had shed tears together, but he had tried as hard as he could to make it easier for Sam to say goodbye. That's how much he still loved him. And that effort had taxed his emotions more than anything in his life. Now, he desperately wanted to be able to let go but couldn't because of his family.

He hadn't been in his room five minutes when his mom came in. Good old ever-solicitous-trying-to-help mom. She couldn't stay away when her youngest son was hurting so badly, but she couldn't do a thing about it. And what could Dan tell her? How could he explain to her how he felt? He couldn't even explain it to himself. But he tried.

"I take it you and Sam have broken up," she said softly as she stroked her son's back.

"Yeah." Sniff.

"Care to talk about it?"

"No, mom! He's interested in girls now! He isn't a homo. Only I am! Aw shit! Why me? Why is God doing this to me? Why did he make me queer and not Sam?"

"Danny, I don't have the answers to most of your questions. I can see that you're really hurting right now, and I won't try to play down your pain. But believe this. God is allowing this to happen to you. He's allowing you to be homosexual. But He isn't doing these things to you. God's shoulders are big enough for you to yell at him and scream at him all you want. But don't blame him for things that don't go the way you think they should. He loves you for who you are, just as I do, and he'll always be there for you."

Having been brought up in the church with a mother and father who lived their faith, Dan knew in his heart that what his mom said was true, but that just made the pain worse, not better. And on top of that he had to work really hard at maintaining some control while his mom still hovered over him. Through his tears, he pleaded with her in a choking voice.

"Mom... (sniff)... please... just leave me alone... (sniff)."

It was terribly difficult for his mom to leave. In her mind she knew that his pain blinded him to hers, but her heart ached for him and for herself. She left quietly, never to know how badly Dan wished it had been his father who had come to him that night.

He cried himself to sleep, still in his clothes. Later, he awoke, undressed and slipped under the covers, immediately falling back to sleep. Surprisingly enough, he slept really well that night. When he awoke the next morning, it was almost noon. He got up, showered and dressed, and ate some lunch. Then, surprising himself as much as the rest of his family, he called Kathy and asked her if she wanted to go to a movie that night. When she said yes, he hollered to his dad to make sure he would be willing to drive them to the show and then pick them up afterwards.

He spent the afternoon just lying around doing nothing. They ate dinner early so the kids could go to the early feature, then he changed clothes and his dad drove him over to Kathy's house. Dan was pleased to see that Kathy hadn't gotten all dressed up. That was one thing he liked about her. She could dress well without overdoing it. She just seemed to be able to make him feel comfortable around her.

But sitting in the back seat of the car was still a little awkward. Dan could tell his dad kept looking in the rear view mirror, so he and Kathy said little and sat at opposite sides of the seat. Mr. Whittington dropped the kids at the curb in front of the movie house, checked the movie times and told the kids he'd meet them right at the same spot when the show was over. Dan bought the tickets and some popcorn, and they moved into the theater and took seats in the middle of the row about a third of the way down.

During the movie, their hands kept meeting in the box of popcorn. So when it was all gone and Dan had set the box on the floor, Kathy reached over and gently took his hand in hers. It felt good, so he left it there. Somehow, her touch conveyed a certain sense of well being, a measure of compassion that Dan desperately needed.

When the movie was over, they stood outside and talked while they waited for Mr. Whittington to pick them up.

"I'm having a lot of fun, Dan," Kathy said. "But I am a little curious about why you asked me to a movie. I thought you and Sam were... you know... together."

As he stood there looking away from her, she could see tears suddenly well up in his eyes and trickle down his cheek.

"We broke up last night. He found out he's not like me," Dan answered.

"He doesn't like you!?"

"No! He isn't like me."

"Oh. You mean he's figured out that he's not homosexual."

Kathy could be so straight forward sometimes, and it seemed nothing embarrassed her, no subject was taboo. It was another of the things Dan liked about her. She made him feel so comfortable.

"Yeah. Well, sort of. He thinks he's bisexual. He thinks he loves me AND Pam. But he wants to date Pam, now. He wants to have kids eventually. In other words, he wants to live a normal life and just have sex with me! Doesn't that just take the cake?"

About that time, Dan's dad showed up, so they changed the subject. They lived just a few blocks apart, so Mr. Whittington dropped them both at Kathy's house, reminding Dan to be home by 11.

"Sure, dad. No problem," Dan said as he noticed what appeared to be a rather strained expression on his dad's face, sort of a forced smile mixed with a furrowed brow.

The kids entered the house and made their way towards the kitchen to get something to drink. As they passed through the living room, Kathy's mom and dad said hi.

"How was the movie, Kathy?"

"It was OK, mom, but not as good as the reviews said it was."

"How are you doing, Dan?"

"Doing great and getting better, Mr. Bradley. Hi Mrs. Bradley."

"Mom, Dan has to be home by 11. Is it OK if we go downstairs to the rec room and talk?"

"Sure. We were going to watch the news anyway."

They got their drinks and went down to the rec room in the basement where they collapsed on either end of one of the couches. They talked for several minutes about what their respective summers had been like and what they expected the eleventh grade was going to be like. Gradually, however, Dan's mood turned somber. His breakup with Sam was barely 24 hours old, and he was now tired enough that hiding the pain of disappointment was becoming difficult.

After a couple minutes of awkward silence, Kathy brought up the subject.

"So, tell me what happened between you and Sam. What makes him think he's bisexual? And how'd you find out?"

Dan told her about the feelings he had been having the last half of their sophomore year and how Sam had fallen for a girl at summer camp. Kathy kept asking for details which eventually left Dan pretty much an emotional wreck. As he sat there crying about love lost, she moved over to him and embraced him. She pushed his head down onto her shoulder and wrapped her arms around him, soothing his hair and whispering comforting words in his ear.

Dan might have been able to really open up and pour out the anguish that was tearing him apart had Mrs. Bradley not hollered down to them that it was time for him to leave if he was going to be home on time. Kathy moved away as he stood up and walked to the powder room to wash his face and dry his eyes.

"Thanks, Kathy. You're really a true friend. I'm afraid this might not be the last time I'll need a shoulder to cry on. I think I'm going to need a lot of help to get through this."

"That's OK. We haven't finished talking yet, anyway. And besides, what are friends for? I'll help any way I can."

Actually, Kathy was hoping that with time they would become more than just friends. She wasn't ready to give up on him yet.

Part II - What is true love anyway?

About three weeks later, on the weekend before school was to start, Dan was once again at Kathy's house. They had spent quite a bit of time together and Kathy had just about resigned herself to the fact that Dan was truly homosexual. But she had decided to make one last desperate try - for Dan as much as for herself.

She had gotten her parents' permission for Dan to come over on a night when Mr. & Mrs. Bradley were going to be out for the evening at an office party. Mrs. B had helped her prepare a dinner for the two of them and had even gotten out some of her special table ware.

Dan showed up right on time, all spruced up and looking pretty spiffy for a boy just coming out of puberty (that means awkward, shy, and frequently uncomfortable around other people). Actually, he had become a nice looking kid with a good tan, sun-bleached light brown hair, good muscular tone although still somewhat small in stature. The Bradley's had come to enjoy having him around.

Dan sat and made small talk with Mr. B while Kathy and her mom finished getting dinner ready and then finished getting Mrs. B ready to go to the party. Then it was time for them to leave.

"You kids enjoy your dinner and evening together."

"Thanks Mr. Bradley, I'm sure we will. I'm really looking forward to trying Kathy's cooking."

"We'll be home around midnight, sweetheart. If you need anything, just give Mrs. Whittington a call."

"OK, mom. No sweat. You guys have a good time, too."

Soon after her parents left, Kathy brought out a bottle chilled wine and she and Dan struggled to open it with the corkscrew she found in the bar cabinet. Her parents had given her permission to share the wine with Dan since they weren't going out anywhere, but her dad had forgotten to show her how to open it.

They took their wine into the living room and sat on the couch. Kathy had made sure only one light was left on when she had walked her parents to the door. Her plan was to seduce Dan into going to bed with her, hoping that if they made love Dan would decide he wasn't homosexual after all. She had even asked Sam to get her a rubber so they would be protected from her getting pregnant. She figured her relationship with Dan, now and possibly in the future was worth sacrificing her virginity, especially if it helped Dan discover that he wasn't truly homosexual.

What is true love anyway?

Dan really liked Kathy. She had become his confidante and his one-person support group. He enjoyed being with her and wasn't even bothered when she moved over to his side and lifted his arm to rest across her shoulders. They sat that way for a while, talking about nothing, really, sipping their wine and enjoying the warm glow it was causing in each of them. Neither had any experience with alcohol, and Kathy was careful not to refill their glasses until they went to the table for dinner.

Dinner turned out to be delicious, roast beef with potatoes and carrots, gravy that Kathy's mom had made just before she left, and another glass of wine. Kathy had Dan light the candles as she turned out the overhead light.

"So, Kathy, what's the occasion? Candlelight dinner, wine, what's up?"

"Nothing, really... I, uh... just wanted to end the summer in a special way with a special guy. That's all."

"Geez, thanks, Kathy. You're really special yourself, ya know?"

"Thanks. I like that. It sounds nice coming from you."

Dan looked at her for a second, wondering just where she was coming from. But the wine was keeping him from reading the signs correctly.

After dinner, they took their last glass of wine down to the rec room and turned on the TV. There was an old movie on, but not one that really grasped their attention. Glancing at the clock, Kathy realized she needed to move forward with her plan. She knew she would have to move slowly, and she was already getting excited about seeing Dan without his clothes on. She had never been with a boy before and was a bit anxious (that's eager with anxiety) about what she hoped would happen.

Setting her glass down, she moved over to where Dan sat on the floor leaning back on a huge pillow. She rested her head on his shoulder, her hair tickling his chin. She began massaging his chest softly, running her hand over his chest and down his abdomen to the waistband of his trousers and back up in slow, soothing strokes.

He rested his arm on Kathy's shoulder and laid his head back on the pillow, enjoying the soothing massage. With his eyes closed, he found his mind wondering back to similar situations he and Sam used to enjoy. Soon his penis was erect and throbbing. As it happened, his erection was lying against his stomach pointing to his navel rather than curled down across his nutsac. Kathy noticed the slight bumping motion in Dan's slacks and grew bolder. She slid her hand down onto his erection and gasped with Dan as they each felt the pleasure of her touch.

It didn't take too long for Kathy's gentle squeezing of his penis to rouse Dan from his day dream about Sam. By that time, however, he was turned on enough to want more and figured he would have to reciprocate if he expected Kathy to continue. With no experience in the matter, he turned slightly towards her and began stroking and squeezing her boobs somewhat awkwardly.

Pretty soon Dan's hands on her breasts and his erection in her hand had Kathy to a point where she was ready to move further. She slipped her free hand up to her blouse and unbuttoned it quickly, allowing Dan to slide his hand inside and onto her bra. By this time, of course, the young couple had begun kissing. At least that was something with which Dan had some experience. And he was pretty good at it, good enough to increase Kathy's heart rate a beat or two anyway.

As he began slipping his finger tips under the top of Kathy's bra, feeling the soft skin of a girl's breasts for the first time, Kathy began undoing his belt, buttons and zipper. Finally moving in sync with each other, Dan slipped his fingers under the bottom of Kathy's bra and pushed it up and off her breasts to rest just under her chin. At the same moment, Kathy slid her hand into Dan's open slacks and grasped his throbbing erection which was now separated from her fingers only by the thin cotton of his briefs.

Their tongues continued to do battle with each other with Dan being the teacher and Kathy the follower. As their breathing quickened and their hands continued to grope, Dan began humping his groin against Kathy's hand. Soon, his natural desire for genital contact kicked in and he began pushing at Kathy's skirt and panties until both were around her knees. As she squirmed to kick them off, his hand came into contact with her sex.

For an instant, he was startled by the lack of a penis. His lust filled, alcohol dazed brain had not made him fully aware of reality - he was making out with a girl. Is this what Sam was talking about? he wondered as he continued to fondle Kathy's moist bush and do battle with her tongue and lips. It's fun, and she feels nice, but it isn't the same as it was with Sam. Is it better? he thought.

Even as part of his brain was wondering about what he was doing, the other part was registering the soft touch of a girl's hand on his naked penis. Kathy had slipped her hand under the waistband of his shorts and was finally stroking his hardon slowly, almost hesitantly. Dan took his hand from her bush and pushed his underwear down as far as he could, then wiggled free of it. All the time, Kathy grasped his cock as though she were afraid it would get away.

She could feel the coolness of his precum as it oozed from his blind eye even as Dan was bathing his hand in her moistness.

"You're wet," Kathy said. "Is that pee leaking out?"

"So are you. No, that's not pee, it's precum. It leaks out when a guy gets really turned on. How about you?"

"No, silly, that's not pee. Girls have to get wet down their so a boy's penis can slide in easier. Let me look at you."

Saying that, she raised up on one arm and gazed at Dan's naked groin, his erection lying stiff as a board on his stomach, the still sparse pubic hair fanned out around the base, a little peach fuzz on his scrotum.

"It's beautiful," Kathy whispered as she stroked his nutsac and penis lovingly.

"I'm ready, are you?" she asked.

Dan was shocked. How was he to answer? He and Sam had never gone further than sucking each other's dick. He'd never been inside a person. He didn't know how. Oh he knew where, of course. He wasn't stupid. He just wasn't prepared for this. And somewhere in his head he wasn't even sure he wanted to. Part of him said YES! GO FOR IT! and another part said Why are you doing this?

As he lay there in indecision, Kathy's hand bringing him ever closer to orgasm, he had the fleeting thought that if he could just put it off a little longer, he'd climax in her hand and wouldn't have to go through with what she wanted.

But Kathy seemed to sense what was going on. She reached behind her to where she had hidden the rubber under the couch, tore it open and had begun unrolling it down onto Dan's penis almost before he knew what was happening. Then she fell back, pulling Dan on top of her.

"Please, Danny, put it in me. I want you. I love you. I want you to make love to me. I want you to love me. Please."

In her frenzy of sexual and emotional desire, Kathy had been trying to guide Dan's erection to her love canal even as she entreated with him to consummate the act. Perhaps this is what did it. Or maybe it was her use of the name Danny, Sam's special name for him, or perhaps it was Dan's subconscious mind which refused to give up his virginity to anyone other than his true love. Whatever the cause, Dan felt his desire suddenly leave him and his penis began to deflate. Within seconds, his limp and shriveled little two incher had drawn away from what any other guy would have considered nirvana and had started to slip from the latex sheath encompassing it.

He collapsed in tears onto Kathy's body, his own body wracked with sobs, his arms clenched tightly around the girl's body, his face buried in the pillow beside her head. Kathy hugged him to herself, running her hands softly, gently against the skin of his back, her own tears mingling with his. She had tried and lost, and she wept for Dan as much as for herself.

Having prepared herself for this possibility ahead of time, she didn't feel cheap. Nor did she feel shunned or humiliated. She wasn't sorry that she had allowed Dan to see her nakedness. Nor was she sorry that she had seen his. To the contrary, she was happy. She really did think his genitals were beautiful and no one could ever take that first sight of a boy's arousal away from her. At least now she knew how Dan felt when he looked at another boy's cock and balls.

It was barely 11:00 when they separated and lay facing one another, their clothes in disarray.

"I'm sorry, Kathy. I don't know what to say."

"That's OK, Dan. I knew I was taking a risk, but you're worth it. I figured I might be able to help you find out that you weren't really homosexual, but I guess we found out just the opposite, huh?"

"Yeah, I think so. But you're a virgin, right? You were willing to give that up just for me?"

"Well, as it turns out, I'm still a virgin. But yes, I was willing to give that up. I love you, Danny, and have for a long time. It was worth it to try to get you for my own. I hope you aren't angry with me and that we can still be friends."

"Of course, we can be friends. Gosh, I don't have any better friend than you, Kathy. But do me a favor, will you? Don't call me Danny?"

"Oh... OK."

Looking at Kathy with her bra pushed up under her chin and her blouse unbuttoned, Dan smiled.

"You know something? You look just as pretty without clothes on as you do dressed. You want to get naked and talk for a while?"

"Well, thanks. I could say the same thing about you. Sure, let's get out of these clothes. We've already seen the private parts anyway."

So they shucked the rest of their clothes and Kathy went to her room to get her alarm clock while Dan fixed them a soda. When they got back downstairs, Kathy set the alarm for 11:45 so they could get dressed before her parents got home. Then they sat facing each other on the couch and talked, each allowing his or her eyes to roam freely over the other's nakedness, enjoying the beauty if not the sex.

Dan was finally able to pour out his heart to her. Their talk was the outlet he needed to vent his frustration, disappointment, anger and sorrow over losing Sam. The two of them being naked in body seemed to serve as a catalyst for him to bare his soul. He wept, he screamed, he sobbed, he cried, he railed at God. And Kathy listened, and cried, and hugged him, and enjoyed being naked with him without fear or embarrassment.

All things considered, the evening had not been a total loss. She hadn't gotten what she wanted, but she and Dan were closer friends than they could ever have imagined by the time the alarm went off and they had to get dressed. Her parents were late getting home and found the kids in the living room asleep in each other's arms, small and pleasant smiles on their faces.