Falls Creek Lessons - 9. Chapter 9

He’s gay?

I tried to open my mouth and respond that I’m gay too, but nothing would come out. This was just too much for me to absorb in one shot and I needed some time to understand what it meant. Old reflexes had kicked in and I wasn’t ready to say anything until I was comfortable again.

Instead, I turned and stared at the top of the table. I didn’t really see it, but instead I saw my image of Dan shattering into a thousand pieces, before reforming into a new picture. I couldn’t work out what the difference was, but there was one there.

“How about we head back to the room?” I heard Dan suggest. “I don’t feel like continuing happy hour any more.”

I nodded my head without looking up. It was only when Dan rose to his feet that I realised I needed to move as well. Clambering ungracefully to my feet, I looked across at Dan, ready to follow his lead.

He was standing, staring at me despondently. He too, opened his mouth to say something, then closed it and just shook his head. Flashing me a sad smile, he turned and headed to the exit. Silently, I followed.

We trudged slowly across the snow to our room, walking side-by-side, each lost in our own thoughts. When we were almost there, Dan stopped and turned to face me.

“Greg, I was planning on telling you later tonight, anyway. It was just that the thing with Paul came up, and I had to say it then. I know I hit you with a lot at once, but please understand it doesn’t change anything. We can still be friends, can’t we?” he pleaded.

I looked away as I considered my reply. Dan was wrong. It changed a lot of things, but in what way, I was still trying to work out. As my silence dragged on, Dan’s head slumped down onto his chest. I realised he thought I was rejecting him.

“It does change things, Dan, but yes, I think we can still be friends. Just give me time to understand it, okay?” I asked. I knew my tone was distant, but I was still trying to put together all the pieces.

His head jerked around at that, before he gave me a wide grin. I could sense the relief he was feeling.

Perversely, that scared me.

Dan was obviously out, at least to some people, as he’d indicated he knew other gay guys. If he was still worried about rejection from each new person who found out, what sort of life did that promise for me? Was I going to live in constant fear, wondering about how the next person would react when they learnt I’m gay?

As we entered the room, Garret looked up from the book he was reading. He then glanced at his watch, before staring back at us.

“What’s up, guys? Happy hour hasn’t finished yet!” Garret remarked.

“Greg’s probably still hung over from this morning,” Kelly piped up sarcastically from the kitchen, “and can’t stand the smell of more alcohol.”

“Leave him alone,” Dan said firmly. “I’ve just told him and he needs time to think.”

My head snapped around at him.

“They know?” I asked, though the answer was obvious.

“Yeah, they know. Kelly knew from last season, and I told Garret soon after he was put in here with me,” Dan admitted.

My gaze wandered between Dan’s two roommates. I didn’t know what to think. Was I upset because they knew and hadn’t said anything? Not really – it was more just the surprise that they knew and it didn’t seem to matter.

The cryptic comments that Kelly and Garret had made over the previous days suddenly snapped into focus. They had been hinting, but I hadn’t realised. What was clear was that both supported Dan. They had warned me that something was going to come up, and had pleaded with me not to let Dan down.

Garret was looking worried, and maybe a bit sheepish. I sensed that he felt guilty about not telling me, but he also wanted things to work out. He’d had been quite firm when he had said that he considered gays to be just normal guys.

Kelly looked defiantly back at me. She seemed to be challenging me to make an issue of it.

“So, who else knows?” I asked Dan.

He shrugged. “Maybe a dozen know for sure, but almost everyone who works up here has heard rumours. I don’t get hassled, so no one seems to make a big deal of it.”

“What about that gay towie, you mentioned?”

He looked at me, wide-eyed. “I’m amazed that you remembered that comment! Okay, I was fudging the truth on that one. I’m the gay towie I was talking about,” he admitted. “I don’t know of any other gay guys up here.”

Kelly eventually broke the silence that stretched from that comment.

“Well I’m glad you finally told him, Dan. It was putting a severe crimp on my ability to insult you properly. I was beginning to think your nerve was as limp as your wrist,” she stated.

Garret grinned. “Pretty poor, Kelly. That wasn’t up to your usual standard.”

“Well, what can you expect? I’m out of practice!”

I didn’t think Kelly was being as serious as she was trying to make out. I sensed that she was trying to relieve the tension, and to subtly indicate her support for Dan. Garret had made his feelings quite plain the day before, even if I hadn’t understood who he’d been talking about.

I felt like lying down and trying to think, but the room was too crowded. I needed to get out where there were less people, and just let my mind work out what this all meant.

“Dan, I can’t think in here, at least not at the moment. Can we go somewhere private to talk?” I asked.

He seemed surprised by my comment. It didn’t take him long to make up his mind, though.

“Sure thing, Greg. Why don’t we go down to the Man and get some pizzas? I don’t feel like going out for dinner, anyway. We can talk on the way there and back.”

“Okay,” I said cautiously.

“I’ll have a pizza with the lot,” Garret interjected, “with extra anchovies.”

Dan and I looked at him. He just stared back with sheep-dog eyes.

“You were going to bring back something for the invalid, weren’t you?” he asked.

I laughed. “Okay, Garret: one pizza with the lot and extra anchovies. Kelly, do you want something, too?”

She frowned back at me before responding.

“No,” she replied, drawing out the word, as if she wasn’t sure. “I’ll have dinner at the Frying Pan, I think.”

We left the room and headed to the other end of the village where the Man was located. Dan respected the silence I needed as we walked down the stairs at the end of the building where we were staying.

“Why didn’t you say something earlier?” I asked, feeling a little hypocritical, as I still hadn’t said anything about myself. The news had made me more comfortable in telling him, but it had destroyed a perception I had and I wanted to sort that out first. I’ve been daydreaming of Paul, because I had no one else I could dream about. Now I knew Dan is gay, too. Could I start dreaming about him, instead?

“I don’t have a lot of friends, Greg,” Dan replied sadly. “For some reason, I found I really enjoyed your company, and I wanted you as a friend. I didn’t tell you earlier, because I didn’t want to scare you off. I was planning on telling you, but it’s not something you can just blurt out.”

I agreed with him on that one.

“Before I found out about Paul, I was going to tell you tonight, back at their place. I was going to suggest that you stay the night with them, so you’d have a chance to think about it without me being around. That’s not possible now, but I wanted to tell you anyway. If you really want, I could probably find somewhere else to sleep tonight,” he offered.

He was trying really hard, that was crystal clear. I couldn’t let him go on wondering, while I tried to understand what it all meant. I know I wouldn’t want any of my friends to do that to me, after I tell them.

“You don’t have to do that. I really don’t mind, Dan, but I just need some time to understand what it all means. Please don’t worry about it. I’m sure it’s all going to be fine in the end,” I said, trying to make him happy without giving away too much, too soon. I knew as soon as I’ve got things straight in my mind, I’m going to have to tell him.

In the meantime, I had a myriad of questions to ask.

“Does your family know?”

When he didn’t answer immediately, I glanced across at him as we walked along. He seemed dejected, and as I watched, he wiped an arm across his face, as if removing a tear or two.

“Yes,” Dan replied curtly.

I waited. There had to be more to it than that, and I wanted to see if he’d expand on his answer. After almost a minute, he started talking again.

“My sister refuses to have anything to do with me. I’m not even allowed to see her kids, anymore. I have two nieces and a nephew that I can’t watch grow up,” he said, grief etched in every word.

I felt a kick in my stomach. Would Diane do that to me, too? I’ve always been close to my sister, and it had never occurred to me that something like that could happen. I was prepared for her and Rob to become a little standoffish, but not for outright rejection.

Taking a deep breath, I allowed a bit of sanity to return to my thoughts. Chris was Rob’s best friend. I couldn’t see them rejecting me when they learnt. If nothing else, Chris would probably have a few words to say to them, if they tried.

But what if Diane couldn’t handle it? Would that put a strain between her and Rob? I tensed up, as I realised that no matter how much I thought I knew about my sister, I didn’t know how she’d react. I could guess, and I think she’ll be cool, but I don’t know.

“My dad has to put up with me being at home, but I’m not allowed to discuss it. The whole topic is taboo when I’m there. I think Mum is a bit more forgiving, but not by much,” Dan continued flatly.

“Why don’t you move out?”

He sighed. “I can’t,” he replied despondently. “I like working up here, but that means I can’t get my own place in Melbourne. No one will rent a room for only eight months of the year, and purchasing my own place is even worse – I wouldn’t be able to pay the bank for the four months I’m here. So, I have to live at home with my parents.”

That forced me to think about where I’d live if my parents couldn’t cope with the announcement. If I make sacrifices, I could probably rent a bedroom somewhere, but I’d have to share the house because I doubted I could manage the rent on a unit by myself. If I was lucky, I might find a one-bedroom place at a good rate, but I couldn’t assume I would.

Maybe I should move out, before I told my parents? Would Rob and Diane let me stay at their place for a couple of months while I found somewhere to live?

“That’s why it’s so important for me to build up friends that I can see in Melbourne,” Dan continued. “Sometimes, it’s all that keeps me sane.”

“Surely you have other friends already?”

“Not many,” Dan admitted. “I had a boyfriend for a while, which allowed me to get out of home a lot, but he dropped me when I moved back up here. In hindsight, I think he just wanted someone to go to parties with, but at the time he’d been a lifeline. We went out at least three times a week. But he never came to my place – my parents just wouldn’t have been able to cope with that. I think that’s why he couldn’t appreciate why I had to come back to Falls Creek. Even though I don’t have many friends up here either, I’m not living with my parents. That makes all the difference.”

He doesn’t have a boyfriend! That started my mind going off on a new tangent. I liked him: that I knew. We seemed to get along well together and shared a lot of interests. Was there a possibility that we could be more than just friends?

He’d never shown an interest in me, at least in that way, but he’d also indicated that he thought I was straight. Should I tell him so I can find out how much he likes me? But what if he doesn’t? Can I try to find out whether or not he likes me first?

“What about those people you mentioned in the hotel?” I asked. “The rape and bashing victims?”

Dan sighed. “They were people I knew, but I couldn’t call any of them friends. Alexander was the closest to being a friend, but that was just because of what he went through.”

“What was that?”

“He was the one that was raped. I found him just after it had occurred, and took him to the hospital. When he fled from there, because of the questions they were asking, I took off after him. I got him home, and I stayed with him for a couple of days until he disappeared again. After what he went through, he just pushed everyone away,” Dan answered sadly.

“Do you know what happened to him afterwards?” I asked, curious, but also dreading the answer. There was something about the way Dan had been speaking that implied the story didn’t have a happy ending.

“Alexander – he hated the name Alex – took up drugs to try to get over what had been done to him. He died a few months later from a heroin overdose,” Dan said in a voice almost empty of all feeling. Only a touch of pain came through. A quick glance revealed that Dan was struggling to control his emotions.

We finished the rest of the walk to the Man in silence. Dan was lost in painful memories, and I didn’t know what to say. A comment would be trivialising something that was clearly of deep importance to Dan. Even a change of topic, by asking another question, ran that same risk.

We ordered our pizzas and waited for them to be made. Dan went for a simple ham and pineapple pizza, while I went for one with the lot, but without the anchovies. I don’t know why Garret seems to love them so much that he wants extra, but I can’t stand them. They are about the only thing that I won’t have on a pizza. Personally, I’m not sure anchovies qualify as food.

With the other early dinner patrons, it wasn’t possible to talk about anything of consequence, so Dan and I talked skiing instead. Dan started to tell me about all the various amusing incidents he’s either seen, or heard about. It seemed that he had an almost endless supply of stories to tell, because he showed no signs of slowing when he was forced to stop so we could collect our pizzas. I made him carry Garret’s, and I carried the other two. That way there was no chance of being accidentally poisoned with furry fish pieces.

By unspoken agreement, we didn’t continue our earlier conversation. I certainly had enough to make me think, and Dan seemed willing to give me the time I needed.

Back at the room, Kelly was reading a book. She remarked that she was going out for dinner later. Garret had managed to get up and was sitting in a chair, though the occasional wince revealed that things were still not great.

Our conversation stayed on safe topics. Garret made a couple of attempts to steer things into sensitive areas, but Dan cut them off quickly. Garret soon took the hint. Remarkably, Kelly was quiet. I caught her looking at me a couple of times over the top of her book, but she didn’t say anything.

We finished our pizzas in short order. I went to the fridge to get some beer cans to wash dinner down with, but when Garret suggested a second can, I declined. I told them that I wanted a clear head tonight.

When Kelly climbed down from her bed and announced that she was heading out for dinner, an idea struck me.

“Dan, why don’t you go out with Kelly? I’m not going to be good company tonight, and you look like you could do with a few more drinks,” I suggested.

Dan stared at me in surprise, which quickly turned to a concerned frown.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

I gave him a grin. “Don’t worry. I just want some time to think.”

He exchanged glances with Kelly who nodded her head.

“Okay, Greg. I won’t be late,” Dan stated reluctantly.

I watched the two of them leave. Dan hesitated before he walked through the door. It was only after a backward look at me that he sighed and dropped his head slightly. The closing door then cut off my sight.

“He’s a good guy, Greg,” Garret remarked quietly.

“I know,” I sighed. “I know.”

I turned to face him. Garret’s been his roommate for at least a couple months, and he’s known Dan’s gay for most of that time. He might have some insights into Dan that will help me.

“Garret, can I speak with you confidentially?”

He looked surprised at that, before smiling. “Sure, Greg. I presume it’s about Dan?”

“Yeah. I’ve got some questions, and I thought you might be able to help me.”

“Shoot!”

I looked away for a moment. How do I start this?

“You promise not to repeat any of this to Dan?” I asked, turning back to stare at Garret.

Garret frowned. “Sure, but some things are for Dan to tell you. I can’t tell you everything.”

It was my turn to frown. What did that mean? Shaking my head, I returned to my original intention. I didn’t know how long Dan would be away for, and I wanted to pick Garret’s mind while I had the chance.

“Has Dan ever made a move on anyone, up here?”

Garret rocked back at that, and then winced as the movement aggravated his bruises.

“Not that I know of,” he answered carefully. “Certainly, if he approached one of the locals and got knocked back, the news would’ve gone through the village in no time. I honestly don’t think he’s been seeing anyone local, and he just doesn’t get out enough to pick up one of the guests.”

He paused and examined me with a critical eye.

“If you’re worried about him jumping you, relax,” Garret continued. “When he told me, he also explained that he doesn’t chase straight guys. He thinks it’s a waste of time.”

“He’s never done anything wrong with you?”

Garret blushed and then laughed. “Unless you count wiping my arse for me, no.”

My eyebrows shot straight up at that. That incident suddenly took on a whole new meaning. Garret knew Dan’s gay, and he still let Dan wipe his bum. That showed just how much he trusts Dan.

Can I trust Garret? If I tell him that I’m gay, will he tell me what my chances are with Dan?

“What do you think Dan thinks of me?” I asked, chickening out on the big announcement, at least for now.

Garret looked away, uncomfortable.

“He likes you. He really wants you as a friend,” Garret said, but I could tell he was avoiding something.

Normally, I’d let it ride, but this was too important for me, and I sensed that whatever he was hiding could make a big difference.

“Thanks,” I said appreciatively, before continuing firmly. “Now tell me the rest.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, avoiding eye contact.

“There’s more. You’re being too evasive. There’s something that you’re not telling me,” I insisted. I was trying not to come down heavy, but I needed to know the truth.

Garret straightened up and looked me squarely in the eye.

“I said that there are things that Dan has to tell you. This is one of them.”

“What does he have to tell me?” I pleaded. “Garret, I have to know. Can’t you see that? If you tell me, I know it’ll be the truth. Until I know, can I trust what Dan tells me?”

Garret sighed as he slumped in the chair and broke eye contact. He was thinking hard, and I gave him the time to make up his mind.

“I’ll make you a deal,” Garret said eventually. “You tell me what you want from Dan, and if I’m happy with that, then I’ll tell you. I don’t want Dan hurt because you reject him because you’ve misunderstood something I’ve said.”

I sat and thought that over. Garret thinks I’m straight. If he’s worried that I might reject Dan, it may be because he thinks I’ll freak if a gay guy likes me too much. Could that be it, or is wishful thinking reading too much into Garret’s cryptic comments.

“I should add that I don’t know what Dan’s thinking. All I have are guesses. Whatever I say may actually be wrong,” Garret added. “Only Dan can tell you the truth. I know what you said, but if you ask him flat out, Dan will tell you. He’s too open to hide things.”

“He hid that he’s gay,” I pointed out, but without any heat. After all, I’m guilty of the same thing.

“He didn’t hide it,” Garret retorted. “It just wasn’t something that was relevant to say earlier.”

“Not relevant?” I echoed in disbelief.

“No it wasn’t,” he stated firmly. “He’s not going to go to bed with you, and you’re not going to go to bed with him, so what does his sex life have to do with anything? Nothing!”

But Garret, I mentally whispered, I just might want to go to bed with him. Whether or not he would like to go to bed with me is very relevant.

But he was right. The only one I could find out the truth from was Dan. Garret may have an idea on whether or not Dan likes me, but both still think I’m straight. That will colour their answers.

“Okay, you win,” I conceded. “If I’ve got questions, I need to ask Dan, not you.”

Garret grinned. “Good. You can trust him. I can promise you that. Now, how about another beer?”

“Just one,” I replied with a smile. “If I get drunk, I don’t know if you’ll try to take advantage of me. Dan’s not here to stop you. You’ve said I can trust him, but you haven’t had a girl for more than a day. I’m not sure I’m safe alone with you.”

Garret laughed loudly and then cried out in pain. “Don’t do that! I still can’t laugh properly without it hurting.”

I chuckled as I got up to go to the fridge. I still had some things to think about, but I’ll sleep on them. There are still five days before I leave. That’s plenty of time to find out how much Dan likes me. I just know I’m not going to find out for sure until I tell him I’m gay.

As it turned out, I had another three beers with Garret before Dan came back. I was lightly drunk, but that just made me relaxed.

As Dan took in the sight of the two of us chatting, surrounded by empty beer cans, I grinned up at him.

“Garret’s just been telling me all about you,” I said cheekily. “Very interesting stuff.”

Dan went pale as he stared at Garret with an open mouth.

“Greg’s lying,” Garret responded quickly. “I’ve told him he has to ask you if he has any questions.”

As Dan gave a weak smile, and some colour returned to his face, I filed that away as something else to think about. Dan does have a secret, and Garret knows it. I just hoped it was the secret that I wanted it to be.

“So, what do you want to ask me?” Dan queried, once he had regained his composure.

“For now, nothing,” I replied seriously. “I’m going to sleep on it. It’s just too much to take in quickly,” I lied. What I really wanted was time to work out how to talk to Dan, alone.

With that, I stripped off and climbed into the top bunk. I knew it was still early, so I was surprised when Garret and Dan also started to strip. Garret needed a little help, but he wasn’t embarrassed by Dan’s assistance. From the safety of the top bunk, I watched them both.

Garret had risen a lot in my mind. Originally, I’d thought of him as just a sex-crazy guy – too shallow for anything serious. But he’d shown a depth that wasn’t obvious at first glance. He was great eye-candy, but being hopelessly straight meant that was as far as it would go.

I’d looked at Dan’s body before, but not seriously. I’d been blinkered by Paul. This time, I took the opportunity to give him a good checkout, while trying to be as unobvious as I could. Dan was shorter and stockier than me. Normally, I’m attracted to taller guys, but I found myself admiring Dan’s build. The fact that it wasn’t a purely physical attraction seemed to make a difference. I liked Dan as a person, and his appearance just added to that.

Rolling onto my back, I realised that I could easily fall for Dan. All it would take was for him to show that he wanted me, too.

“Night, Greg,” Dan called out from below me.

“Sleep well, guys” Garret called out.

“Night,” I replied as I closed my eyes. For the first time all week, I wasn’t imagining pictures of Paul as I fell asleep.

I awoke the next morning to the sound of the shower. Rolling over, I looked over the side of the bed to see Dan sitting in the chair, staring up at me. He had put on a pair of tracksuit pants, but otherwise was still wearing the T-shirt he put on last night.

He just sat there, his eyes never leaving my face. By the way he was sitting, I could tell he was tense, but whatever was wrong wasn’t reaching his face. His expression was almost perfectly neutral, with just a hint of stress showing in the muscles of his face. I had no idea on how long he’d been sitting there, waiting for me to wake up.

I slid off the bed and landed lightly on my feet. Turning around, I faced Dan with crossed arms. Something was about to happen, but I thought it was up to Dan to start it.

“Are we still friends?” he asked. The emotion that wasn’t on his face could be found in his voice. It fairly crackled with pain.

I gave him a slow nod, and then a faint smile.

“Yes, we are,” I stated, “Things may be different, but I still want to be your friend.”

It was like a switch had been thrown. The tension slipped away and a brightness suddenly appeared, almost physically changing Dan. He bounded out of the chair and leapt towards me. For a moment, I thought he was going to hug me, but he paused and held a hand instead.

“Thanks, Greg. That means a lot to me,” he said simply.

I grabbed the outstretched hand and we shook. I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I just grinned.

“Well I’m glad you came up with the right answer, Greg,” Garret called out from his bed. “Otherwise, I would’ve been forced to come over and beat some sense into you.”

As he rolled gingerly out of bed, wincing with each major movement, I couldn’t help laughing. He wasn’t capable of beating sense into anyone at the moment.

“Despite him being a poof, Dan is a great guy, and I’m glad you recognise that,” Garret added once he was vertical.

“Well, it’s all your fault,” I replied to Garret. “Our chat last night was really helpful in working out what it all meant.”

Dan and Garret both looked a little surprised at that. Even though he didn’t mean to, Garret had given me enough hope that Dan might want to be more than just friends. I needed to speak to Dan in private to find out, but the hope was there.

Garret walked slowly across to the kitchen, and sat down on one of the stools there.

“I think I might be able to get out today,” he said with a note of achievement. “Can I join you guys for lunch?”

“Sure, Garret,” I replied after Dan just shrugged his shoulders and left it up to me. From the smile on his face, I don’t think he was really concentrating on what was being said. I must have scared him last night.

“In the meantime, how about some breakfast?” I added, including Dan in that question.

“Toast and OJ is fine with me,” Garret replied.

“I’ll get my own,” Dan replied, “but thanks for the offer.”

We were still eating when Kelly came out of the shower, dressed ready for a day’s work.

She frowned as she looked at first me, then Dan. Walking forward, she grabbed Dan by the chin.

“Let me look,” she said, ignoring Dan’s protestation, as she moved his head from side to side.

“No blood. It must have gone well,” Kelly remarked dryly. Turning back to me, she gave me a gentle smile, completely at odds to her usual demeanour. “Time for me to go to work. Play nice, boys.”

With that, she was gone.

“Aren’t you going to be late?” I asked Dan, concerned that his worry about me was going to make him miss his shift.

“I’ve got Wednesday off, remember,” he replied with a half-smile. “I’ll go with you to your lesson, and then I’ll meet up with you afterwards.”

“Chris and Paul are heading back today,” I remarked. “If we catch up with them, I’d like to see them off. Do you mind?”

“Of course not,” Dan scoffed. “They’re been great company and I’d like to see them again before they go, too.”

After confirming a time to meet with Garret for lunch, Dan and I headed out. The sky was almost clear, so it looked like being a good day for skiing. The wind was strong, but if the clouds stayed away, it should be a warm afternoon.

As we rode the chairlift up the mountain, I asked Dan some more about himself. It seems that he’d only had the one boyfriend, Shane, and that wasn’t the most successful of relationships. His home situation was really affecting him, but unless he gave up his job in the snow, he didn’t see how he could solve that problem. He’d been a number of the gay bars and nightclubs in Melbourne, but he wasn’t really keen on that scene. Shane, however, was into that sort of thing, as well as parties on as many weekends as he could manage. When Dan had said that he was moving up to Falls Creek for the season, Shane had originally thought he was only coming up for the opening weekend party. Once he realised that Dan was getting a job up here, Shane quickly said goodbye. He was a party animal, and he needed someone to go with him. Dan was no longer able to do so, so goodbye Dan.

I was amazed about how open Dan was being. He gave me a few details of some of the parties he’d been too, and I was both sickened and fascinated by the antics that he described. They sounded like something I might try once or maybe even twice, but not something I’d want to do regularly. I got the impression that it was more Shane that had taken Dan along, rather than Dan wanting to go.

I was trying to work out how to ask Dan about how much he liked me, when we arrived at the top. Rather than doing a warm-up run, we headed straight over to Cloud Nine to get ready for my lesson.

As we approached, I spotted Chris and Paul moving out to intercept us. Dan and I pulled up and let them join us. We were sufficiently far from the building that no one would be around when we talked.

“Hi, guys,” Dan called out cheerfully as the other two skied up.

“Hi, Greg, Dan,” Chris replied as he stopped. Paul just nodded his head. He looked a little nervous and uncertain.

“We’re sorry about yesterday,” Chris added contritely. “We didn’t mean to leave you like that.”

“It’s okay,” I replied. “We understand.”

“Yeah. It’s cool,” Dan added.

Dan then looked over at Paul, who raised his head challengingly.

“I told him just after you left,” Dan stated bluntly to Paul.

“WHAT?” I yelled in disbelief.

I looked over at Paul, and then back at Chris. Neither looked puzzled or surprised. They both knew exactly what Dan had meant.

“Are you telling me that they already knew?” I accused Dan. “When did you tell them?”

I was not happy. Why did he tell Paul and Chris, and not me? Isn’t he trying to be my friend?

“He didn’t tell us,” Paul stated. “There’s a thing called gaydar which allows guys to pick up on who’s gay. I knew about Dan almost as soon as I met him. I’ve always had good gaydar.”

“I don’t, but I trusted Paul on this,” Chris added.

I looked over at Paul with narrowed eyes. He’s known that long, and didn’t think to mention it to me. I felt like making a comment about his gaydar needing a tune-up, because he clearly hasn’t picked up on me, but I decided to be spiteful instead and keep that from him. If he thinks he’s got good gaydar, he can bloody well work it out for himself!

“Paul warned me off the night before,” Dan said. “I understand, now, why he did.”

“What?” I repeated, this time genuinely puzzled by what he was talking about.

“Paul knows there are predators out there who’ll try to take advantage of young guys. I’ve met some of them, myself. He didn’t know if I was one of them or not, and warned me not to try anything,” Dan explained.

I turned and glared at Paul.

“I supposed my sister put you up to this,” I snarled at him. “Doesn’t anyone realise that I’m an adult? I can look after myself. I don’t need you holding my hand all the way.”

Paul rocked back at the venom I’d flung at him. Any trace of infatuation I’d had previously was burnt to a crisp by the anger I felt.

“Of course you can look after yourself,” Dan said soothingly, “but that doesn’t mean your friends can’t lend a helping hand from time to time.”

I spun back to him. “How about waiting until I ask for help?” I growled.

Dan looked at me, surprised, then crossed his arms and stared back defiantly.

“You said you’re an adult. Well, how about getting off your high horse and listen to what we’re saying,” he stated with a touch of anger.

As I opened my mouth to tell him to mind his own business, he jumped in first.

“You know what happened to Paul. I told you what happened to Alexander. How can we be friends and not try to stop that from happening to you!”

My mouth hung open for a second before I snapped it closed. The chill I was suddenly feeling had nothing to do with the cold air.

Looking away, I muttered, “You’d never do that to me.”

“No, I wouldn’t,” Dan agreed, “but Paul didn’t know that. He was right to warn me off. Until he knows more, he can’t assume I’m one of the good guys.”

There was silence from everyone, as I gazed at the skiers slowly congregating for their lessons. Was this the source of the stress that had been between Dan and Paul at lunchtime? Chris had said I was in the middle of it, so it sounds likely. Despite that, Dan is still defending Paul.

I turned back to find all three waiting patiently for me to say something. Before I spoke, I looked over each of them. Dan looked sad, but it seemed to be more from memories than what had been said. Chris gave me a soft smile, as if encouraging me that we were all on the same side. I gave him a small grin in response. He had no idea how much we really were batting for the same team.

Paul, I looked at last. He wasn’t looking at me; he was looking at Dan. I had trouble working out what his expression meant, but I eventually decided that it was a mixture of puzzlement and respect.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked Chris and Paul. It would’ve made my life a lot easier if they’d said something.

“Sorry, Greg, but that’s just not done,” Chris replied. “You don’t out someone unless you know they won’t mind. Even without that, we didn’t know, we just had our suspicions, isn’t that right, Paul?”

Paul nodded, going red for some reason. “I was pretty sure, but until Dan confirmed it, we had no proof.”

I could understand that. Once I tell these guys, I certainly wouldn’t want them telling other people. I want to control who knows, and when.

“I didn’t tell them until Monday night,” Dan added. “So don’t blame them for not saying anything, okay?”

I slowly nodded my head. They all seemed to have their reasons for what they’d done. I couldn’t fault them.

“Sorry, guys. I went off the deep end a bit. Can we just forget it?” I pleaded.

Chris grinned. “Of course!”

Paul flicked me a smile and gave me a nod. Dan simply said, “Forgotten,” and then jumped me. I hadn’t noticed that he’d slipped out of his skis.

Finding myself flat on my back, staring up at Dan’s happy face, I complained. “What was that for?”

“You were getting a bit hot under the collar, Greg. I thought a bit of snow might cool you down.” He tilted his head to one side and gave me a considered look. “Have you cooled down, or should we stick some snow down the back of your jacket?”

“I’m cool!” I said hurriedly.

“Are you sure?” he asked casually. “I don’t mind, and I’m sure Chris and Paul will help if you need it.”

“No, thanks,” I said raising my hands. “I’m over it. I just got a bit carried away, that’s all.”

“Okay, then. Let’s get you to your lesson,” Dan said as he stepped back and started putting his skis back on.

As soon as his back was turned, I picked up a lump of snow and threw it at him. Unfortunately, it broke up in midair and barely made it to Dan. It certainly didn’t have the result I was looking for. I suddenly had the feeling that I’d just done a really dumb thing.

Dan looked over at me in surprise. After a glance at his watch, he gave me an evil grin and bent down to pick up his own bunch of snow. Abandoning my skis, I started to run away. That was a bad mistake. Before I knew it, Dan skied past me, dumping a large clump of snow on the back of my head on the way through.

Running back up the slope to my skis, I thought I’d be safe, but a glance behind me revealed Dan using the edges of his skis to skate up the slope after me. Knowing I had nowhere to hide, I was about to surrender when Dan was struck in the face by a snowball from Paul.

“You didn’t ask,” Paul remarked as he bent down for some more snow, “but I thought I’d help anyway.”

“Thanks!” I called out, as I reached down for my own. This time I took the time to squeeze it together so it wouldn’t break up in mid air.

Paul and I threw our snowballs at the same time that Dan threw one at me. I thought that was terribly unfair, as Paul was the larger target, and he was the one who hit Dan last time. Dan’s missed, while both of ours hit him on his jacket.

I was about to celebrate when Chris dumped a handful of snow on the back of both our necks. “Cool it, guys,” he said with a chuckle.

What followed was a four-way free-for-all. It was only when Chris yelled out that it was almost time for my lesson that we stopped. Still chuckling, I said goodbye to the others, and skied over to where Russ was waiting. The carefree antics had cleared the air and I was in a good mood again.

I had to shake some snow off my head, and dig out some that was slowly melting down my back, but that was a small price to pay.

As I joined the others for my lesson, I saw Dan, Chris and Paul heading into Cloud Nine. I was hoping it meant they were going to sit down to resolve their issues. Dan certainly wasn’t hiding anything from me, at least as far as I could tell.

The lesson went well. With the improving weather, Russ took us to a few new places around the mountain. I felt my rate of improvement was slowing down, but that was to be expected. Once I had the basics in place, it would take lots of practice to get them bedded in. However, I was happy. I could still remember clearly what I was like when I started, and any time I got annoyed, I simply recalled how much progress I’d made so far.

I found the other three guys chatting outside Cloud Nine. I could see no signs of stress between Dan and Paul, which made me happy. I was still annoyed that Paul had known that Dan’s gay and hadn’t said anything to me. I’d given it a bit of thought during the waiting times of my lesson, and I had come up with an idea of what I wanted to do as payback.

Paul thinks he’s got a good gaydar, but he hasn’t picked up on me. What I was going to do was to wait for an opportunity to rub his nose in it by telling him I’m gay at a time when it would have the most impact. If that meant waiting until I got back to Melbourne, then I was happy to wait. I wanted to keep in touch with these guys, and I hoped they wouldn’t mind staying in touch with me.

I was no longer worried that Dan would reject me when he found out, so there was no need to say anything before Chris and Paul left. Indeed, I now wanted to find a chance to tell Dan in such a way that would maximise my chances of getting him as my boyfriend. My priorities had shifted.

“Hi, guys,” I said as I pulled up to a stop next to them.

“Hi, Greg!” Dan smiled. “How was the lesson?”

I shrugged. “It’s at the practise, practice, practise stage. I know I’m improving, but when I panic, I still forget most of it. It’ll get there in the end.”

“I think you’ve done remarkably well, already,” Chris commented. “It took me a lot longer than you seem to be taking. Of course, I didn’t take lessons.”

“How about continuing this over lunch?” Paul suggested. “Since we’re all here, we can have lunch at Cloud Nine, for a change.”

I grimaced. “Sorry, Paul. Dan and I promised Garret we’d have lunch with him. He’ll be waiting for us at the Frying Pan.”

“How’s he doing?” Chris asked.

“Not too bad, considering,” Dan replied. “He’s walking around, as long as he takes it carefully. He should be back at work in a day or two.”

With a glance across at me, he asked, “Do you think you can find your way to the Frying Pan by yourself?”

“Sure,” I said slowly. He was up to something, but what?

“Okay, then,” he said cheerfully. “Paul, how about a race to the Frying Pan? Loser buys the drinks.”

Paul grinned. “You’re on! Chris, give us a countdown.”

Chris just shook his head. “Okay,” he said with resignation. “Three… two… one… go!”

With that, Paul and Dan were off. Interestingly, they headed in different directions. I had a suspicion that Paul had been had. Dan clearly knew the mountain better than Paul and was off on the quickest way to the Frying Pan.

Chris and I took our time getting down. It gave me a chance to have a quiet chat with him, too. Skiing down the main trail, I started the conversation.

“Am I right in guessing that the issue that I was in the middle of, was Dan being gay?”

Chris glanced across at me, before returning his concentration to the slope in front of him.

“Yeah,” he said reluctantly. “Paul thought Dan was going to make a move on you.”

I smiled, despite my effort to keep the elation off my face. Dan did have feelings for me. Or at least, Paul thought he did.

“Dan wouldn’t do that. He’s spent all season in the same room as Garret, and never done anything. I know, because I asked last night,” I commented.

Chris flicked a startled look at me. “Garret knows?”

“Both of his roommates know. Kelly knew from last year, and Garret was told first thing this year.”

We skied in silence for maybe another minute, before I spoke again.

“What do you think of Dan?” I asked hesitantly. I wasn’t sure if I was tipping my hand, but I wanted Chris’ impression of him.

Chris was slow in responding.

“I like the guy, but I know Paul doesn’t,” he started.

That surprised me. I knew that Paul had some issues with Dan, but I’d never sensed that it went too deep. Chris was implying that I was wrong.

“I think he’s an okay guy, and if it was just me, I wouldn’t mind keeping in touch with him when we’re all back in Melbourne. I doubt Paul would want to, though. He just refuses to trust Dan,” Chris continued, still speaking slowly, almost reluctantly.

“Do you know why?” I asked. I was concerned that if I did manage to get Dan as my boyfriend, it might mean losing contact with Chris and Paul. I was no longer fixated on Chris’ boyfriend, but I still liked both guys and wanted to stay in touch. There was a lot that I felt I could learn from them.

“No,” Chris said sadly. “I really don’t. I don’t think Paul does, either.”

Nothing else of consequence was said on the way to lunch. I was elated that I had another indication that Dan might want me to be more than just a friend, but also concerned that the price may be losing Chris and Paul.

We arrived at the Frying Pan to find Paul and Dan chatting amicably. I trusted Chris’ comments, but I just couldn’t see it. How could Paul hate Dan so much, but still be able to act as if he doesn’t?

“So, who won the race?” Chris asked when we’d pulled up next to them.

Dan just looked over at Paul, smugly.

“He did,” Paul conceded. “I never thought to ski across to the Summit and then straight down the mountain. I took the home trail, which was a lot longer.”

“Local knowledge, Paul. That’s all it was,” Dan stated gently. “If you’d gone with me, it would’ve been a tight race.”

Paul looked over at Dan with a wry grin. “I don’t think so. I’ve seen you ski moguls. I would never have gotten down that slope as fast as you,” he stated, pointing at the ski run that I belatedly recalled was named the Summit.

Looking up at that run, with the Nursery poma to my left, and the Village T-bar to my right, I just shuddered. It would be a long time before I was going to be able to ski it. It was way too steep, and none of it was groomed. I still needed the comfort of having a relatively flat surface to ski on.

As we entered the Frying Pan, I spotted Garret at a table in the far corner, chatting to a girl.

“There he is, but it looks like he’s got company,” I said, pointing to where Garret was sitting.

“Let’s at least go and say hello,” Dan said. “Though, I’m not going to be impressed if we have to sit somewhere else. He was the one who asked to join us.”

The four of us headed over. Garret spotted us, as we were halfway across the room. After he had given the girl a quick kiss on the lips, she stood up, and walked away. The contented smile and the backward glance showed that pretty boy had made another conquest. It would be interesting to find out if he was capable of living up to his side of the deal. That morning he was still walking a little oddly.

“Hi, Garret. Do you remember Chris and Paul?” Dan asked, as he slipped into the seat opposite his roommate.

“Vaguely,” Garret stated. “How’s things?”

“We’re good,” Dan answered. “And from what we saw when we walked in, things are looking up for you, too.”

“Yes, and no,” Garret replied glumly. “Becky’s nice, but I’m not going to have a lot of time with her.”

“Why not?” I asked, as I sat next to Dan. Chris and Paul sat next to Garret.

“I’ve been sacked,” Garret responded in a depressed tone. “I’ve been given four days to move out of the room and off the mountain.”

“Just because you’re off sick?” Paul asked angrily. “That’s not bloody fair! Give the union a call. Surely they won’t let them get away with it!”

Garret shook his head. “I’m not the only one being sacked. It’s because the season is coming to a close, and the snowmakers are out of a job.”

“I don’t understand,” Chris said, perplexed.

“The snowmakers are critical to the success of the resort. Without a good layer of snow, we get less visitors, and the snowmakers help ensure that the snow is always good on the main runs,” Dan explained. “The lift company wants to keep them happy, so they’ll be back next year. Once snowmaking is finished for the season, the snowmakers are dropped down into towie positions. The company lays off a number of the newer towies to make room for them. It happens every year.”

With a sympathetic look at Garret, Dan continued, “They usually pick the ones that have a few black marks against their names, such as those that have missed one or more shifts. Garret’s missed once, but he’s also currently off sick, so he’s a tempting target for the bean-counters. If he was currently working, he would probably have kept his job, and someone with a few more black marks would be going, but you can’t prove it.”

“That sucks,” Paul sighed.

“Yeah,” Garret agreed despondently.

Lunch was not a happy occasion. Chris and Paul got to know Garret, and had him telling the story of some of his exploits. I don’t think Garret picked up on the fact that they’re gay, but the other two guys responded with appropriate comments at the right points, so Garret just kept on chatting.

I noticed that Dan was very quiet. Normally he was a lot more talkative. Each time I glanced at him, he had a distant look on his face, as if he was thinking about something and ignoring what was going on around him.

When we’d all finished our meals, Paul ordered another round of drinks. He insisted on paying for them, though Dan and I both objected. Paul pointed out that he’d lost the bet, but he was smiling when he said it, so I knew he didn’t mind. We then had to explain to Garret what that was all about.

As Paul left to go to the bar, Garret shook his head at Dan.

“You’re going to get into trouble, one of these days, with these sucker bets, Dan.”

Dan grinned with no trace of remorse. “He didn’t have to accept it.”

An incident, from the weekend when I first met Dan, sprang to mind.

“He once tried to get me to bet seven beers on who would be fastest down the home trail,” I remarked. “I’m glad I turned him down. I found out afterwards that his longer skis meant I had no chance.”

“I always thought you were smart, Greg,” Garret commented. “Apart from hanging around this loser, of course.”

“I wouldn’t be too fast to call me a loser, Garret,” Dan said nonchalantly. “You’re not out of our room, yet.”

I decided to change the topic. Sparring between those two might be fun, but they were likely to start referring to events that the rest of us knew nothing about.

“What time are you and Paul heading off?” I asked Chris.

“Pretty soon, actually,” he replied. “Both of us have to work tomorrow, so we don’t want to get back too late. It’s a pity, because today looks like being a good skiing day, but that’s life.”

“Do you want any help getting your gear down to the bus station?” I asked.

“We were going to call an oversnow to take everything down,” Chris said, “but thanks for offering.”

“I don’t mind,” I said with a shrug. “I’ve enjoyed having you guys around, and I’m going to miss that. Taking a bit of time out to see you off is nothing.”

“The same goes for me,” Dan added.

Chris stared back at Dan in surprise. He started to say something, but just closed his mouth and shook his head. I guessed he was thinking about the conflict between Paul and Dan, but as none of the bastards would fill me in, I was lost as far as the details were concerned.

By the time Paul got back with the drinks, it was settled. Garret would make his way back to the room, while Dan and I would see Paul and Chris off. In some ways, that was probably for the best. If Paul really did have such a strong dislike for Dan, it was better that he was just presented with the final outcome.

It wasn’t long before we were standing outside the Snoweagle, waiting for the oversnow transport to arrive. Bags and suitcases were piled up, ready to be loaded.

I noticed Paul biting his lower lip as he watched Dan chatting with Chris. On the spur of the moment, I walked over to him, giving him the opportunity to have a quiet word with me, if he wanted to.

I held out my hand, though I really wanted to pull him into a hug. My feelings for him had dropped from lust to just affection. I liked the big hunk and I was disappointed that there seemed to be a rift between him and Dan.

“I’m going to miss you, Paul. We’ve had some good times up here,” I said as we shook hands.

Paul glanced over at Dan, before leaning forward to speak quietly.

“Look, Greg. If Dan tries anything, just get the hell out of there. A quick kick to the balls will give you the chance to escape,” he said quickly.

“Paul,” I said, shaking my head. “Dan is not going to try anything. I don’t need to worry about it.”

“You haven’t seen the way he looks at you,” Paul insisted. “I can tell that he wants you, and he wants you bad! Don’t trust him, Greg. I don’t think he’ll be able to stop himself, even though you’re straight.”

I smiled. I had just worked out how I was going to tell Dan. Paul and Chris would have to wait until I got back to Melbourne before they find out.

“Don’t worry, Paul. Now that I know that Dan’s gay, I can make sure he doesn’t do anything that I don’t want him to. Everything will be fine.”

Taking in his concerned expression, I added, “How about I come around to see you and Chris as soon as I can after I get back home? I can tell you anything you want to know then. I’m positive that there will be nothing to be alarmed about.”

“Okay, Greg,” he answered reluctantly. “Just keep an eye on him, please?”

“Yes, Mum,” I grinned. “I’ll keep an eye on him.”

Boy, did I intend to keep an eye on him. I had four more days with Dan. I was seriously considering skipping my lesson tomorrow so I could spend the time with Dan instead, since he had the day off. Everything depended on the next couple of hours, once I’ve told Dan that I’m gay too.

Paul was still concerned, that was obvious, but there was nothing more he could say or do. He had to accept that it was up to me now. I doubted that he knew what I intended to with that knowledge, though.

All too soon, Dan and I were watching the oversnow take Paul and Chris down to the bus terminal. I noticed Dan looking thoughtfully after them, until the transport disappeared around a corner.

“What is it?” I asked him.

“Just thinking envious thoughts,” Dan said quietly. “Those two guys have something special going, and I was wishing that I’d have that someday, too.”

“I’m sure you will,” I answered, mentally adding that I hoped it would be with me.

I was expecting Dan to put on his skis and head down to one of the lifts at the bottom of the village, but instead he picked them up and started walking back up the hill. He seemed in an odd, almost melancholy mood.

“I’ve been thinking about Garret, and I’ve got an idea about how to get his job back,” Dan said.

It took a second to process that. I was getting ready to come out to him, and that remark derailed my train of thought.

“Would you mind getting a lift back to Melbourne with me, instead of catching the bus?” he asked me.

“What?” I said, which was the most brilliant thing I could think of at the time.

“I’m thinking of making a deal with the bosses. I’ll resign, and they keep Garret on. In exchange, I guarantee that I come back next year. I may have to make a few other concessions, but I thought I could take you back to Melbourne on Sunday, and spare you the bus trip. That’s assuming you don’t mind sharing a car with a gay guy.”

“Of course I don’t mind! I came up with Chris and Paul, after all,” I pointed out. “But I thought you hated it at home.”

“I do,” he confessed, “but the season will be ending in four or five weeks anyway, and I’ve really enjoyed this week. Keeping in touch with you, Chris and Paul will make staying in Melbourne easier for me.”

This was better than I’d hoped. If we did pair up, I had been expecting a huge phone bill until he finished up here in Falls Creek. If this worked, we’d be able to see each other every weekend, and maybe even a few times during the week. Everything just hinged on whether he really did have a crush on me, like Garret had implied, and Paul had blatantly stated.

Things moved quickly from there. Dan disappeared into the offices of the lift company. He was gone for almost an hour, but I waited patiently outside. I had a lot of planning of my own to do.

When he came out, he was smiling.

“It’s done. Garret’s got his job back. The only downside is that I have to work all day tomorrow and Friday, effectively covering his shifts until he’s fit to work. I then work Saturday morning, and I’m finished. The rest of the weekend will be free. I’m sorry about that, but my boss drives a hard bargain,” he ended sheepishly.

“That’s okay,” I replied, furiously considering a few new options this opened up. “Why don’t we go tell Garret the good news?”

“Okay, and then we’ve still got a couple of hours of skiing time left. I’m not going to have another chance until the weekend,” Dan stated.

We headed back to the room. As soon as we entered, there was a feminine squeal from Garret’s bed. I saw someone roll over, away from the door.

“Um.... Can you guys come back later?” Garret asked. It was said almost casually, as if it wasn’t a big deal. Certainly, there was no trace of embarrassment.

He was lying on his back, bare-chested. A sheet covered his lower torso, and I could see a topless girl cowering behind him on the far side of the bed. The light wasn’t good, but I think it was the girl from lunchtime.

“Sure, Garret. We just wanted to let you know that you’ve got your job back. I had a word with the boss, and you’re back on the payroll,” Dan said, backing out of the room.

Dan and I were smirking as we closed the door. Despite that, we could still hear Garret shout out something cheerful. It had turned out to be a good day for him. At least one of his injuries seemed to be on the mend, the most important one from his point of view, and now he finds out that he’s got his job back.

We headed off to ski for the rest of the afternoon. At least, I’m sure that was Dan’s intention. I had other ideas.

Luck was with me, and we ended up on a chair by ourselves. As we headed up the Eagle chairlift, I made my move.

“Dan, can I ask you something personal?”

“Sure, Greg,” he answered casually.

“As a gay guy, what do you think of me?”

He suddenly became flustered. I smiled at that, as it seemed to confirm what I had been hoping.

“Um.... You’re a good-looking guy, Greg. I’m sure lots of gay guys would find you attractive.”

“Dan,” I said firmly, “if we are to be friends, I need you to be honest with me. What do you think of me?”

I felt a little guilty about implying that we couldn’t be friends if he wasn’t honest, but if it all worked out, I was sure he’d forgive me for that little deception.

He slumped in the chair. He wasn’t happy about answering this.

“Greg, please don’t take this the wrong way,” he started nervously. “Not only are you a good looking guy, but you are a great guy, period. I’ve never met anyone with whom I’ve clicked with so fast, or so well.”

He paused, but I just waited.

“You’re straight, and that means you’re off limits. I don’t know how many times I’ve wished that you were gay, but you’re not. I’m happy to just have you as a friend, and I promise I won’t do anything. Friendship is too important for me to muck it up by asking for more than that,” Dan finished, with an implicit plead for me to understand and accept.

“Funny things, wishes,” I remarked. “Sometimes you get what you wish for.”

He looked confused, so I made it clear.

“I think you’re a great guy, too, Dan. I really like you and I want you as a friend. I’m sorry I put you through that, but I needed to try to find out if there was any chance we could be more than just friends.”

The light was beginning to dawn, as Dan’s eyes opened wide, and his jaw dropped down.

“Yes, Dan. I’m gay.”