Blind Date and Beginnings - 7. Blind Date - Part 7

I could feel myself on the verge of panic as Ryan slowly inched my hand across his waist and I was mentally kicking myself. Why on earth couldn’t I just be a normal guy and enjoy wherever this went? Ryan was wonderful, sexy as hell, and obviously turned on and he was all but drawing me maps and sending me engraved invitations to have my way with him. But instead of jumping at the chance I was practically cringing and ready to bolt.

Damn my hang ups!

“Ry….Ry….Ry,” I stuttered, trying to get his name out and I actually started trembling. It was taking all of my will power to keep from jumping out of the bed and bolting. And yet, another part of me wanted nothing more than to make this moment of touching him last for eternity. Too bad my timid nature had the upper hand.

Ryan opened his eyes and looked me right in the eye and the smoldering look he had seconds earlier evaporated. I can only imagine the look I was giving him. Stark terror probably, considering the level of concern I saw in him.

“Zach,” Ryan whispered to me soothingly. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean to rush into this and I never meant to push you faster than you wanted.” He reached out with his free hand to touch my cheek and I flinched at his touch. I wanted to kick myself at the look of guilt he gave me. This was in no way his fault and somehow I had to let him know that.

I drew in a deep breath to keep myself from going into panic mode. I knew I had to get a grip on my nerves before I tried to talk or Ryan would never be able to understand me. When I’m in the grips of a panic attack, I tend to talk so fast my word slur together. Alex always called it my mouse mode since my voice gets squeaky too. And I really didn’t think me speaking like a hyped up version of Mickey Mouse was going to instill lust in Ryan. At least I sure hoped not!

After a few seconds and a few more deep breaths I felt a little calmer. I was still shaky, but I figured I could at least speak coherently. “I’m sorry,” I told Ryan in a bare whisper. “It’s not your fault.” I gave him a sickly little grin. “I should have warned you I have a whole freight train of baggage.”

Ryan smiled at my little joke but he was obviously still very concerned. “I really am sorry Zach,” he answered me quietly. “I told you I wanted to take this slow too and then I practically pounce on you. I got a little carried away when I, uhm, well, when you teased me about taking it all off. I never should have done that.” Ryan gave me an apologetic look. “I’ll put some clothes back on.”

“No,” I said quickly, practically barking at him and I quickly grabbed his hand to keep him from getting up. Ryan gave me a confused look and I can’t say I could blame him with all the conflicting signals I was giving. I blushed and took another deep breath trying to organize my thoughts a little clearer. “No,” I repeated again a little calmer. “I don’t want you to put your clothes on.”

As soon as the words were out of my mouth I realized what I had said and that I wasn’t really clearing the confusion for Ryan. “I mean, uh, you can if you want,” I tried to explain and felt myself blushing even more. “I’m sorry Ryan,” I said, frustrated with myself and my inability to communicate. Actually I felt like kicking myself. “I know I’m confusing the hell out of you. But I don’t mind if you, uh, stay naked. I kinda like it. If you want, I mean…” I trailed off aimlessly. I know I had to have been scarlet by then.

Ryan gave me a little reassuring grin. I’m not sure if he really understood what I was trying to say but he seemed willing to go along with my ramblings. At least he wasn’t grabbing his clothes and making a mad dash to get away from the crazy man. He had to have the patience of a rock to be putting up with my insanity.

“Are you sure Zach?” Ryan asked still whispering. I guess he was trying to keep me calm by staying quiet. Probably a good idea all things considered. I was still on the verge of bolting, but Ryan’s low, quiet voice was extremely soothing.

“I’m sure,” I replied giving him another shy smile. “It’s not you being naked that set me off,” I tried to explain. “It’s all me. In my head I mean.” I knew I still wasn’t making much sense but somehow Ryan seemed to be following me. “I have to work myself up to these things,” I explained feeling like an idiot. “I tend to move at a snail’s pace but I really don’t mind you sleeping nude.” I blushed and grinned a bashful little smile. “Like I said, I kinda like it.”

Ryan laughed out loud at my admission and I felt my blush deepen. “Well that’s good,” he replied still chuckling. “Truthfully I normally sleep in the buff anyway so if it really doesn’t bother you I’ll stay like this.” Ryan gave me a little impish grin flashing his dimples at me again. “I kinda like the idea that you like me naked!” he said playfully, relaxing back against the pillows. “It’s kind of a turn on knowing you like looking at me.”

Ryan was beautiful lying back like that. He still hadn’t bothered to get under the covers and didn’t really seem inclined to do so, not that I was complaining. If he was willing to oblige my desire to gawk at his gorgeous body who was I to turn him down?

I scooted over next to him, laid my head on his chest and snuggled into the crook of his arm. It felt just about perfect laying with him like that. I could hear his heart beating and feel the gentle rise and fall of his chest. It also gave me a great view of his body and I could stare to my heart’s content without being quite so obvious about it. I could have started purring when Ryan took his free hand and very gently ran his fingers up and down my arm. His feather light touch was both very calming and intimate at the same time, and with subtle overtures of eroticism.

“Zach,” Ryan murmured after a few minutes of our cuddling. “I really am sorry about earlier,” he said, his voice laced with regret. I started to interrupt him but he put a finger on my lips to quiet me. “Let me get this out,” he said to me gently. “I want you to know you aren’t the only one with past baggage,” he continued sounding nervous. “I have a tendency to rush into sex when I start a new relationship. And afterwards I realize I didn’t even really know the guy. And sometimes I found I didn’t even like him. I swore I wasn’t going to do that this time. I swore I was going to go slow, really get to know you before we did anything so that maybe this time I could be in a real relationship. One that lasts. And I really want that with you Zach.” Ryan paused for a few seconds and I could feel him take a deep breath. “I hope I didn’t fuck us up already,” he finally said, his voice very low and quiet.

To say I was surprised by Ryan’s admission was definitely an understatement. I had been so worried that I was messing up our chances at a relationship that I never even considered he might have his own worries along those lines. I half rolled over, facing him so I could see his eyes and let him see mine. “Ryan,” I answered him gently, “you didn’t fuck things up.” It seemed lame answering him that way, using his own words, but I wasn’t really sure what else to say. Normally I’m the guy needing reassurance so this was a new role for me. “I want a real relationship with you too,” I told him. “You didn’t do anything to change that.” I grinned at him, wanting to reassure him and gave him a quick kiss. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

Ryan smiled back at me, laughing softly. “I really suck at figuring out this relationship thing. I sure hope you’re a patient teacher!” he said ruefully and then gave me a quick hug. I gave him another quick kiss and then lay my head back down on his chest as he settled more comfortably in bed. This was definitely a new role for me. Alex was going to laugh his ass off if he ever found out that Ryan was looking to me to teach him about relationships. Truthfully, I was pretty amused myself at the thought. I tend to stumble into any relationship I have ever had and am usually surprised as hell when I figure out I’m in one.

“I’m not exactly a wonder kid at them myself,” I admitted. “We’ll figure it out together,” I reassured him and got another quick hug for a response. “By the way, you’re really comfortable to lie on,” I told him sleepily. I drifted off to the sound of Ryan’s quiet chuckling.

It seemed like only seconds later that I was suddenly awakened to Alex throwing open the door and barging in. “Zach!” Alex yelled in a wheedling voice. “Will you make pancakes for breakfast? Please! Yours are the best and I’m really hungry.”

“Alex!” I growled at him groggily. “Have you ever heard of knocking?” Dimly I was aware it was light out so I figured it must be morning. Alex’s stomach was better than any alarm clock ever made.

Alex gave us a sheepish grin. “I guess I’m going to have to learn not to just barge in huh?” he said as a way of apology. “Who knows what my little virgin eyes might catch when I barge in now, huh?” he teased grinning mischievously. Alex gave Ryan a quick head to toe look and grinned impishly. “Glad you’re happy to see me Ryan,” he teased looking pointedly at Ryan’s crotch. I glanced over and saw Ryan was sporting an erection and I immediately turned red.

Ryan laughed, both at my reaction and Alex’s teasing. “Seems like I’m not the only one with morning wood,” Ryan answered eyeing the front of Alex’s boxers meaningfully.

Alex glanced down at his very tented crotch and shrugged unconcernedly. “I always have morning wood,” Alex answered off handedly and grinning. “Will you please make me some pancakes Zach?” Alex continued already dismissing the previous topic and giving vent to his stomach once again. “Pleeeease?” he begged giving me his most pathetic, puppy dog look.

I shook my head in resignation, still blushing. They were the ones with the obvious erections out on display but I was the one blushing. It wasn’t fair! Although I had to admit the universe was being kind and giving me lots of eye candy.

“Yes,” I answered Alex, “I will make you pancakes. Just let me get dressed.”

“No time!” Alex answered grabbing both Ryan’s and my hand pulling us up. “I’m starving now!” Alex pleaded trying to pull us after him to the kitchen.

“Alex!” I protested. “I’m barely wearing anything!”

“I’ve seen everything you have already,” Alex answered absently still trying to pull me after him. I was spluttering for all I was worth at his flip answer and Alex just rolled his eyes at me. “Here put these on,” he said grabbing a pair of my sweat shorts off my dresser and tossing them at me. “C’mon,” he said grabbing my hand again and pulling me towards the kitchen without giving me time to put on the shorts.

Ryan was trailing after us laughing his ass off at Alex’s antics. Not that he had a choice about following since Alex was still tugging on his arm too. I was stumbling along, spluttering protests and trying to pull on my shorts all at once and not having any luck with any of it. I finally gave up and allowed Alex to propel me into the kitchen. I figured the sooner I got him something to eat the sooner I would be allowed to put my shorts on.

Ryan and Alex took a seat at the table and started chatting as if it was the most normal thing in the world to be naked or next to it in front of each other. I shook my head at their total lack of modesty and started mixing pancake batter. It was all well and good for them to be getting along but couldn’t they at least blush a little for my sake? Not to mention how distracting it was going to be having two total hunks, one naked and one nearly so, in my kitchen while I tried to cook. Luckily I didn’t burn anything, but I did have to keep reminding myself to pay attention.

As usual, Alex began stuffing his face almost faster than I could fix the pancakes but I did manage to put a couple in front of Ryan too. I blushed once again when Ryan complimented my cooking getting a grin from Alex. He really did know me way too well, but at least he wasn’t teasing me about it.

“So what are the plans for the day?” Alex asked between mouthfuls. “I don’t have to head back till late this afternoon, but if you have plans I can make myself scarce.”

“I have to go in and cover a shift in the ER,” Ryan answered frowning a little in irritation. “I wish I could get out of it but I’m covering for one of the other doctors so he could take a long weekend.” Ryan gave me a hesitant look. “I’ll get off around eight or so. Do you want, uh…. can I come back over?” he asked hopefully.

“You better come back over!” I answered grinning. Alex was laughing at us and nearly spewed half chewed pancake over us. “Shut up Alex!” I said to him smiling. “When do you have to go in?” I asked Ryan turning back to him.

“I’m supposed to be there at ten,” Ryan answered frowning again in irritation. I could tell he really didn’t want to go in. And truthfully I didn’t want him to go either. It was irrational but I was already missing him. “I probably ought to grab a shower and get ready now instead of stalling,” he continued smiling ruefully and getting up.

“I’ll keep you company while you get ready,” I told him. “Shut up Alex!” I said without even looking over at him since I knew he was probably going to tease me about it. Both Ryan and Alex laughed at my pre-emptive strike.

I followed Ryan back to my bedroom and in to my attached bathroom. Ryan turned and gave me a hesitant grin. “Uh, are you going to, uhm, shower with me?” he asked, not quite concealing a wistful note in his voice. “I’d, uh, oh hell,” he stammered. “I’d really like that Zach, but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea. Considering last night and our talk.”

I grinned at him and arched my eyebrows playfully. “I’d like that too, but you’re probably right. I really meant I’d just stay in here and talk with you while you got ready. I can shave while you shower.”

Ryan grinned at me impishly. “Is that so you can sneak a peek at me and get a free show of me all wet and soapy?” I blushed and Ryan laughed and gave me a quick kiss. “Like I said last night, I like the idea of you watching me. It’s a major turn on thinking about giving you a show! But I better keep it tame or I’ll never make it in.” He gave me another kiss, this one a little on the lingering side, and I felt my knees begin to turn to water. After a few moments Ryan broke our kiss and took a deep breath. “Damn,” he muttered shivering. “This may have to be a cold shower,” he said making me grin.

Ryan reluctantly turned and started the shower, taking a few seconds to adjust the water, before stepping in. In seconds his body was glistening with rivulets of water and I didn’t even pretend to shave but instead just stared at him mesmerized. He wasn’t doing anything overtly sexual, just showering, but it was enough to keep me entranced watching him. The subtle play of his muscles moving, shining with the water washing over him, was an erotic show I wasn’t about to miss. I gave serious consideration to throwing my whole ‘take it slow’ thing out the window and joining him, but I figured I’d probably have a panic attack right in the middle of it and pass out.

After a few more minutes Ryan finished up and turned off the water. I’m pretty sure he threw in a few extra minutes showering for my entertainment for which I could thank the cramped space in my underwear. But I wasn’t complaining, I just wasn’t going to be able to get up for a few minutes. At least not without hurting myself!

Ryan stepped out of the shower grinning at me and started to towel himself dry. “I thought you were going to shave?” he teased me, flashing those dimples of his at me again. His green eyes were sparkling with suppressed mirth and he arched his eyebrows at me suggestively.

I blushed but grinned back at him. “And miss my show?” I laughed back at him. “Are you crazy? I may be a hopeless basket case, but I’m not insane enough to have skipped that! Now I’m just wondering how you are going to fit in your underwear,” I teased him looking meaningfully at his crotch.

Ryan laughed back at me and finished drying himself off before giving me another kiss. “I really wish I didn’t have to go in,” he said regretfully as we walked back into my bedroom so he could dress. “I want to spend more time with you,” he continued plaintively. “I’m going to be going nuts at work counting down the hours till I get to see you again.”

“I know,” I agreed with him, watching him dress. I was really getting into just staring at him. Thank god he wasn’t self-conscious or modest and I didn’t have to try and steal looks at him. Given the state I was in I doubt anyone would have mistaken my ogling him for anything else. “It will be good to spend some time with Alex,” I continued. “But I really wish you could be here too.”

“Me too,” Ryan answered grinning at me. “He’s really a good guy and I can see why you care so much for him.” Ryan had finished dressing and walked over to me to give me another hug and kiss. The man’s kisses were addictive and I absolutely loved feeling his arms around me. I did have a mini bout of self-consciousness as I realized I still hadn’t managed to put on anything more than my sweat shorts and Ryan was fully dressed, but I quickly suppressed it.

“You really like him?” I asked hesitantly, looking in his eyes. It was important to me that Ryan could at least get along with Alex considering how much of a part of my life Alex still was. I knew they had been joking around with each other and seemed to be getting along, but somehow I still needed to hear it from Ryan.

Ryan smiled at me, still holding me in his hug. “Yes, I really like him,” he answered, pausing to give me another quick kiss. “I won’t say I’m not a little jealous of him and the time he has spent with you, but I do really like him. He’s a good guy and I think it’s great that he cares so much for you.”

Ryan tightened his hug for a few seconds to reassure me and gave me another kiss. We stayed like that for several more seconds before he sighed and broke away. “I guess I better get going,” he said not even trying to hide the regret in his voice. “Let me go say goodbye to Alex and then I better get a move on.”

I followed him out to the living room where Alex was happily watching cartoons and munching on some cookies. He still hadn’t managed to get dressed, not that I really had expected him to, and he was sprawled out on my couch looking like an overgrown kid. He looked up at us grinning as we entered and I saw he was wearing a chocolate milk mustache and I couldn’t help busting out laughing at him.

“You’re never going to grow up are you?” I teased him. “Did you manage to drink any of your chocolate milk or did you decide to just wear it all?”

Alex laughed as he wiped his lip with the back of his hand. “Well I figured this was the only way I was ever going to get a mustache,” he answered ruefully. He had always hated that he didn’t have any real facial hair to speak of and could go several days without shaving. “Besides, you have to have milk with cookies,” he continued trying to rationalize it. “I think it’s in the Constitution or something,” he said getting a laugh from both Ryan and me.

“It was good meeting you Alex,” Ryan said. “I wish I could stay and hang out with you two today. You could tell me more Zach stories and give me more tips,” Ryan continued, looking at me slyly with a twinkle in his eye. “I still owe you a beer for the tummy rub tip.” Alex laughed and naturally I blushed.

“It was good meeting you too Ryan,” Alex replied warmly. “I’m uh, sorry I was such an ass to start with,” Alex said looking a little guilty and getting a grin from Ryan. “I should be able to get back down for a visit in a couple of weeks and hopefully Doug will be able to make it this time. If he ever gets done with his damn conference that is!”

“Boys night out!” Ryan answered enthusiastically. “I’m looking forward to it!” Ryan looked at his watch and grimaced at the time. “I better quit stalling,” he said looking up at me. “I need to swing by my place for a change of clothes before I go in. I’ll come right over after work,” he said. “I’m going to miss you.” He gave me a quick kiss and I couldn’t’ help blushing since it was right in front of Alex. Alex and Ryan both just grinned at me but thankfully didn’t say a word.

Alex and I both stood on the front porch watching as Ryan got in his car and backed out of my driveway. I briefly thought about scolding Alex for walking around outside in just his underwear but figured it was pointless. Besides, all of my neighbors have probably seen him naked before so I’m sure they wouldn’t be shocked if they saw him anyway. The man doesn’t have a modest bone in his body.

We both waved as Ryan drove off and then Alex spun to face me, his look very serious. “We need to talk,” he said in a very stern voice and walked back into the house.

What had I done now?