Spirit of Vengeance - 8. Ch 08: Empathy

CHAPTER 8: Empathy

“So how different are things now where you train?” Matty asked as he picked up a blade of mountain grass and started rolling it between his fingers. It seemed he was unconsciously picking up Nathan’s odd habits. We were up at the place Nathan had shown us that overlooked Malden. It had been several months since I returned from the Hoarfrost Caverns and was advanced one form.

“Not much really,” I shrugged. “I’m just training now with others who are a little older than me. And the lessons are significantly more advanced. A lot of them revolve around survival and controlling the world around us.”

“You should see the glare Lance gives him whenever he walks to their side of the courtyard for training,” Ernie piped in. He winced as Nathan gave him a solid punch on the arm. “Ow! What was that for?”

Matty frowned at me. “Did something happen?”

“Nah,” Ernie responded, looking warily at Nathan. “Just imagine it. Lance was held back by one form because of stable boy here.”

“Hey! I haven’t had to do stable duty in a long while, thank you very much.”

“Whatever,” he replied to me. “Anyway, Lance was held back by a full form of training. And then the person responsible for his being delayed gets moved up by a full form. So now, instead of the two of them being two years apart, they’re now in the same group, training at the same time with the same people.” He paused, waiting for a reaction from anyone. “Okay, does anyone not see what’s funny in that situation?”

“Well,” Matty began, “I suppose I can see why he would be bothered by that. But it wasn’t really Sam’s fault he got held back right? I mean that one fight couldn’t have been enough to delay him. There were others who lost to lower forms like that guy you fought against but he still proceeded to the Rites. And now, he’s a journeyman. So it couldn’t have been the factor that determines whether someone would take the Rites or not.”

“You’re missing the point,” Ernie said in a disgruntled tone. He whined as Nathan punched him again. “What?” he asked but the other boy just shook his head.

“What is the point?” Matty asked.

“Lance still blames Sam for being held back. Yes,” he said loudly to forestall whatever Matty was about to say, “we know that Sam wasn’t responsible for that. But as far as Lance is concerned, there’s only one person to blame for his predicament.”

“Why?” Matty asked as though he couldn’t comprehend the idea that someone would hate me. “Sam, he doesn’t like have a grudge on you or something, right? You were roommates after all. It’s not like you hated each other.”

I thought about that for a moment. Certainly, our friendship (if it could even be called that) wasn’t exactly the warmest sort. We were, I guess you could say, civil to each other. But we didn’t really hate one another. But then again, he might have hated me because of what happened between his father and my uncle. And then, there was that whole situation with that beast in the forest. The way he looked at me just before he lost consciousness left little doubt on what he felt. I hate you, he had whispered in a voice far too true to mean anything else.

But then I looked at Matty. His expression was so… concerned for me. It was crystal clear he was worried for me that I didn’t even need empathy to know he was feeling that. It felt like telling him that Lance hated me would be an injustice of some sort. It was like I’d be adding to his worries by confirming his fears. I just couldn’t do that.

“No, Matty,” I said with the most convincing smile I could manage. “He was just probably mad because he got held back and was looking for someone to blame. I don’t think he hates me. I’m sure he’ll get over it and return to just ignoring me most of the time.”

Matty looked relieved. Ernie raised an eyebrow as though he didn’t believe a word I said. Nathan just smirked though I wasn’t sure why.

“Anyway,” I said before the conversation could return to further questioning, “I have to head back. I have training with him.”

“The…” Nathan whispered then looked around as though checking to make sure the person being talked about was nowhere to hear, “…empath?”

“Yeah,” I said with a nod.

“I hate that guy,” Ernie said. We all nodded our agreement.

“What did he say about you again when he saw you?” Matty asked Ernie with a smile. Matty knew of course but he always liked to bring it up because it was such a jab at Ernie.

“He said,” Nathan spoke up, “that Ernie was an insecure boy who has trouble expressing emotions, was incapable of socializing and thus resorts to disruptive and loud humor in order to divert attention to what he says rather than who he is.”

“Whose side are you on?” Ernie said with a scowl while Matty started laughing hysterically. I’m sure Matty wasn’t laughing so much because of what Magister Sigmus said but more because of the dumbstruck look that occupied Ernie’s face as Magister Sigmus walked away.

“Yours of course,” Nathan said with a shrug. “But he asked a question and there was nothing wrong with answering it.

“As much as I want to stay here all day, I really do have to head back,” I said, chuckling at the glare Ernie was giving Nathan. “Sigmus will skin me alive if I’m late again.”

“Fine, fine, us common folk without advanced training or special tutors should bend to the special droplets like you,” Ernie said with a sly grin. “We’ll just languish in your shadow while you go become the next Grand Master.” He then puckered his lips as though giving me a flying kiss. Water swirled from the waterfall and surged forward off the cliff we used to climb. He jumped off after and I knew he did the same thing he always did when we left that place.

Nathan shook his head again and then shrugged at us before following Ernie and jumping off the cliff in the same manner.

I sighed as Matthew and I stared down at them from the top of the cliff. They were both dry and safe at the bottom. “I still don’t understand why I was even advanced,” I said. “If anything, it should have been Ernie who’s in my position. Do you know he figured out that spell on his own?” Matthew shook his head no. “Yeah, apparently Master Rumford knows that Ernie knows about it but as far as he knew, no master taught Ernie such a spell. It wasn’t something taught until the next higher form. I’m guessing Ernie figured it out by himself and then taught Nathan since Nathan follows him everywhere.”

“I’m sure you’re going to be fine in your new training,” Matthew said reassuringly.

I shook my head and sighed. “Anyway, you ready to jump off?” I asked. “Master Rumford taught me how to do it.”

“Oh,” he said uncertainly. “I guess you can go ahead then. I… I don’t know how to do it yet so I’ll just climb down the long way.”

“I meant for us to jump off,” I said. “I’m not going to leave you here. Master Rumford said it can be used for several people. I bet Ernie knew how also but just wanted to see us suffer by having to climb down. Come on, just hold onto me.”

“Oh,” he said again. “I guess that’s fine.” He held onto my arm with one hand. When I stared at it, he asked. “Is this too much?”

“Too much?” I asked with a laugh. “You hold onto me with only that and half your body will break to pieces when we hit the ground. Come on, you can do better than that.”

“What am I supposed to do?” he asked with a confused frown. His eyes sort of went big and wide when I suddenly hugged him and put his head against my chest. Although I was only a year older than him, I was much taller, a full head even as I could rest my chin on his hair.

“Master Rumford said I have to hold onto the other person tightly,” I clarified. “Make the spell envelop two bodies as if it was one. This is fine right?”

Matthew just kind of stood there, unmoving and I wondered if my hug made him feel uncomfortable. Perhaps I had misjudged. We were friends, good friends even, so I figured it was okay. But then, maybe it wasn’t.

“I’m fine,” he said in a breathy voice. He then inhaled deeply as though he’d been holding his breath the last minute or so.

“Well, if you’re ready just put your arms around my back so we’re secure,” I said.

At first, his arms were unmoving but then slowly they rose. They seemed uncertain as if testing new grounds.

“Matty!” I said with a laugh. “I’m not going to bite your head off.”

Again he was silent, but his arms moved with a little more purpose. His fingers traced their way to my back and laced themselves, digging into my skin.

“Okay, you ready?” I asked.

Instead of answering, he nodded so that I could feel his cheek rubbing against the front of my robes. I wondered if he wasn’t feeling well. Perhaps I should have asked if he was afraid of jumping off from such a high place. “I’m fine,” he finally said. His voice sounded weak like he was about to collapse at any moment.

I wondered if I should have just asked him to climb down. But then if he was feeling weak then maybe making him climb down would have been worse. I figured I’d just get him down and then figure out what was wrong.

I summoned the flow of the waterfall until the stream swirled towards us. The water coalesced passing over and around us as it formed a large ball over the cliff’s edge. It was bigger than what Ernie or Nathan made since I was making enough for Matthew and me.

“Show off!” Ernie yelled from down below.

“Here we go,” I whispered as I tilted us over the cliff. Matthew hugged me tighter and I felt his whole body press against my own. We were flying. No. We were falling together as one with the water surging ahead of us. I could see and sense the earth as we approached it and I twisted the magic in the water so that it solidified but not to the extent that it would turn to ice and skewer us. The ball of water melded itself together well enough as if the water was murky and thick.

As we slammed into it, it felt like Matthew and I had fallen on a soft bed, rather than an unstable and gushing body of water. When our feet hit the ground, I released the spell and the water dispersed except…

“You forgot the part about making it not stick to your clothes,” Nathan said unnecessarily as he looked at Matty and I, completely soaked and freezing from the snow-melted water.

Ernie was too busy laughing and rolling on the ground to say anything.

“I… th-thanks,” I muttered as I shivered. Nathan was applying magic to get the freezing water off me. “Ma-matty, y-you okay?”

“Uhh,” he said nodding vigorously and shaking. He adjusted his trousers and began walking away unsteadily towards Malden without drying himself first.

“W-wait!” I said. Nathan applied a little more magic and I helped him until I could feel most of the water forming into an orb that Nathan balanced between both hands. “I think something’s wrong with Matty. He might not be feeling well.”

“Not feeling well?” Ernie asked with a smile. “Well, what did you expect? You hugged him all the way down.”

“What do you mean?” I asked with a frown.

Ernie gave a dramatic sigh. “Oh my dear, dear friend. Sometimes you are so clueless. Haven’t you noticed by now how Matty just ha…” Splash.

Whatever Ernie might have said was drowned out by the sudden explosion of water on his face as Nathan threw the ball of water he had accumulated from my body. His face was still stuck mid word and he pushed some of the water out of his mouth with his tongue.

“Why?” he whined at Nathan, as his face dripped cold water. “Why must you punish me so?”

“Because you deserve it,” Nathan said calmly. “Now, aren’t you supposed to meet someone Sam?”

“Yeah,” I said, “I should probably go ahead. I’ll leave you guys to sort this out.”

I left them to talk. I didn’t know if those two were really fighting but if they were, I didn’t want to get in between them. I did hear something interesting as I walked away though.

It was Nathan’s voice and he said, “Whatever goes on between those two is none of our business.”

* * * * * * * * * *

“After many months of training, this is all you have to show for it?” Magister Sigmus said with disgust.

We were at the edges of the city, away from the thoroughfare which could distract anyone training in empathy. We were sitting cross-legged on the grass near the trees that surrounded Malden. We were facing one another, him sneering at me as he always did. There was no one else near us. Yet, despite being far from anyone other than trees and tiny animals that populated Malden, I could still feel people around us.

“My apologies, Magister Sigmus,” I said in a voice that was bordering anger. He was always like that – snide, condescending, and purely evil. Despite my best efforts, they never seemed to be good enough. It was like everything I did always fell short of what he expected. And I truly hated him for that.

“I do not want your apologies,” he sneered. “I want results. You are wasting my time. Again! Focus your mind on what I have taught you. Look for your core, your mind beneath the world around you. Find it, strengthen it so that when the tides of emotions flow from the world around you, you can learn to separate that which is yours from the world. If you let the emotions of others seep through your core, it shall become brittle. It will fall apart and you will die.”

“So you have told me many times, Magister Sigmus,” I replied.

“Do not mock me boy,” he chastised. “You think this is a game? You think empathy is just something you can turn on and off as you please. After all these months, you still do not realize how dangerous your gifts are to you?”

“Magister,” I replied, “with all due respect, before you came, I could feel no more than the tiniest glimpses of what others were feeling. I was fine with that. There is no need for me to pry into the minds of others.”

“And you think it will stay that way?” he asked. “With the body grows the mind. And with the mind grows the ability to do magic. Your magic, your gifts, however pathetic they are, will grow with you whether you like it or not. What kind of control did you exercise when you felt what others were feeling? Nothing. That’s right, nothing. It just happened, and you’re lucky that’s all that happened. What will you do when the day comes that you feel other people’s emotions as your own. What will you do when you feel another person’s hatred for his father and your mind translates it as hatred for your own father? What happens when that hatred drives you to kill your own parents? What will you do then?”

“That can’t happen,” I said aghast at what he was implying.

“It can and it will,” he said. “For that is the danger of empathy to anyone who cannot separate his mind and feelings from those of others. If you maintain this path, you won’t even know who you are by the time you reach thirty. You’ll even be lucky to live to that age.”

“What must I do?” I asked quietly.

“Focus,” he said. It was a word he seemed to love saying. “Focus always to know who you are. Separate your mind from others, even from yourself. Learn to distinguish that which is your own against that which is foreign.”

I closed my eyes concentrating on what he taught me. Empathy worked by reaching out with tiny tendrils of magic to others. Those tendrils can decipher emotions, feelings, and in some rare cases thoughts. Anyone with the gift of empathy will always send out those tendrils to the world around them. It was something done passively and even the most skilled of empaths could not stop them from reaching out to others. The best that could be done was to control them – to recognize the tendrils for what they were and then to block whatever information they contain from ever reaching the mind.

“Finally, you are doing something right,” Magister Sigmus said. “Now, find your enemy, the one named Lance.”

I frowned but nonetheless did so. It wasn’t the first time he’d asked me and I half-expected to fail. I couldn’t see the walls of the city. I could, however, see the people. They were like stars in the night sky, floating in perpetual darkness. Those with stronger emotions burned brighter while those with weaker ones (such as those sleeping) would be dim in my mind. I looked for the “star” I recognized as Lance which was not difficult to find since he often was brighter than most people.

Despite being so far away from Lance, I could feel him there in Malden training, wielding a sword and swinging it against an opponent. I did not know what his opponent was feeling or who it was since I had blocked the tendril that represented that person. All I could see and feel were Lance’s emotions – anger, disgust, and a desire for revenge.

“You need to watch that one,” Magister Sigmus said in a quiet voice. In truth, he might not have been talking at all. I had a feeling he was somehow communicating in my mind. “His hatred for you is unlike anything I have ever seen before. It drives him, gives him purpose. That is dangerous. If I were you, I’d kill him now before he has a chance to do the same to you.”

I frowned. “I’m not going to kill someone because they hate me, Magister Sigmus.”

“Suit yourself,” he replied and I could almost feel the shrug in his voice. “Now, find your friend, that annoying one with the big mouth.”

“Ernie?” I asked, laughing at the thought of Ernie finding out what Magister Sigmus had said about him.

“Focus boy,” he scolded. “I’m not here as your entertainment.”

“Sorry Magister Sigmus,” I said.

“What did I tell you about apologizing,” he said again. “Results, boy. I want results.”

“I apologize for apologizing,” I said.

“Don’t test my patience, boy!” he replied. “Again! Focus!”

Once more, I focused on the people in Malden and one by one blocked each tendril I did not recognize as Ernie. I got tiny glimpses of them enough to know who they were without invading what they were truly feeling. It just did not feel right to do that. At the same time, I cut off the tendrils without letting all those people influence who I was, the “core” Magister Sigmus had said. Once I found Ernie, I blocked all other tendrils, focusing only on him.

“He’s happy,” I said. “He’s laughing. I think he’s in class and he or someone had just said something amusing.”

“Good,” he said. “You actually managed that without letting his laughter infect you. That is a key to using this gift. You must learn to recognize other people’s emotions without letting it change your own. Now, find someone else, anyone else but a teacher or a well trained journeyman. They might not be able to do much to stop you but they will likely sense something even if they may not understand what it is.”

I looked for the brightest star I could find, someone feeling strong vivid emotions. When I found him, I did a tentative check to who it was before prying into their emotions. I was surprised to find it was Matty.

“You know that boy?” Magister Sigmus asked.

“Yes,” I said. “He was the brightest star I could find.”

“Star?” Magister Sigmus asked. I could almost hear the frown in his voice.

“So-,” I said almost apologizing again. “I meant he radiated the strongest emotion I could find.”

Magister Sigmus was silent for awhile and I wondered if he had left. “I see what you mean. Very well, what is he feeling?”

I looked again at Matty to see him and isolate him from everyone around him so that only his emotions came in. “He feels…” I said and paused. “He’s in love.” My voice was pitched in surprise.

I was even more surprised when Magister Sigmus spoke with what sounded like an amused tone. “Really? Can you tell me who it is he’s in love with?”

“What?” I asked aghast. “I… I wouldn’t do that. I’m not going to use this gift to pry into other people thoughts like that.”

“Who says you could?” Magister Sigmus said again with his characteristic sneering voice. “You’ve never even tried. For all we know, this is all you can do. Feel what others are feeling.”

“But I knew Lance’s hatred was directed towards me,” I said.

“Did you?” Magister Sigmus asked. “Did you really know his hatred was directed to you? How do you know it wasn’t directed to his opponent? Or his pet dog who died when he was three? Are you sure you knew or was it only because he already hated you to begin with that you assumed it was directed to you?”

“I…” I said but faltered.

“Try it,” he said. “Look into Matthew’s mind and tell me who he loves. It’s obvious to me you have no idea who it is. I, however, know who it is because I have seen that person’s image in the boys mind when he feels love.”

“You looked into Matty’s mind?” I asked angrily.

“Matty, hmm?” Magister Sigmus asked. “You should look into his mind. You’ll be pleasantly surprised to know who it is. All his dreams, his fantasies involving that person. He’s quite creative actually. There are a lot of interesting things there. Don’t worry, he’s not trained enough to sense our presence.”

“Enough!” I said as I broke the link and the darkness that shadowed Malden disappeared. The stars dimmed until I could no longer see them and I opened my eyes to see Magister Sigmus still sitting cross-legged in front of me in the bright light of the day. He opened his eyes as I began yelling. “You have no right to look into other people’s mind! How dare you! Those are private thoughts.”

“Really?” he asked. “Why not?”

“It’s not right!” I replied. “You cannot just looks into another person’s mind and see what they are thinking without their permission.”

“Really?” he asked again. “Even if say it was someone wielding magic against you? Even if it was someone who wanted to hurt you, your friends, or your family? You still won’t look into his mind to gain an advantage of knowing what he plans on doing?”

“That might be different,” I replied. “He’s going to hurt somebody. I would do what I can to stop him.”

“And how do you know he’s about to hurt someone? How can you know that the person about to cross your path was not about to bring out a knife to stab you or perhaps the person you love? Refuse as you might, you will have to learn that empathy is far too useful a gift to shun. It will make the difference between life and death. Accept it, embrace it, and do not be ashamed to look into other people’s mind.”

“No!” I said. “That’s it. I’ve had enough. You’ve taught me control and I can control my gift now. I know how to block other people’s emotions when I have to, at least to a degree that it will not distract me. I can sense others which is good enough to warn me of bad things coming. If you insist that I look into other people’s minds then I’m done.” I stood up to leave.

“Sit down,” he said in a calm, dangerous voice. “There is one more thing I must teach you before I leave.”

It wasn’t so much his voice that made me stop though in truth there was something hair-raising about it at that moment. “Leave?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said. “I am leaving Malden tonight and as such have nothing else to teach you or rather, not enough time to teach you anything else of importance save this one last thing.”

I stood there, shocked at his words. Leaving? Tonight? “Grand Master Assero knows this?” I asked.

“He does,” Magister Sigmus said with a nod. “He was the one who gave me the news that required I leave at once.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Why?” he said, still in that calm voice. “Because the world out there is being swallowed in darkness. I cannot stay here much longer while evil grows in our world. I must seek out another empath whose gift is expanding exponentially in ways far more dangerous.”

“Is he like me?” I asked curiously.

“Sit down again and I will tell you,” he said gesturing to his front. At first I was pensive about sitting. I was so angry with him. I wanted to hurt him for invading Matty’s mind. But then, I wasn’t angry anymore. So I sat down, feeling oddly at peace. It was almost like…

“You’re calming me!” I said aghast when I realized that the calmness I was feeling was coming from him, dampening my anger. I could see the tendril that was him going to me except his took a different form, pulsing towards me which surpassed the blocks I had placed because I was not familiar with it. When I learned to recognize what he was doing, I adjusted the blocks and I felt his gift of empathy seep away leaving me both calm and angry at the same time.

“Good,” he said and to my horror, he smiled, revealing a face far more frightening than his sneer. “That is my last lesson for you. Empathy can take many forms. The most basic of empaths can feel only base emotions and in most cases their perception is cloudy or murky. True empaths can feel what others are feeling but often only when they are in close proximity. Sometimes eye contact is necessary, in others they need to touch. Such expressions of empathy are often not at all dangerous.

“For others such as yourself, empathy can be far more complicated. You have the gift to see all emotion regardless of distance. If you wanted, you could view every person in Malden from here, perhaps even as far as down the mountain once your power grows further. You can know exactly how they feel, exactly where they are, possibly even what they think if you so ever chose to go down that path. Most people call this form of empathy as scrying. It is immensely useful in many ways but is dangerous only to the empath when he is unable to separate himself from the rest of the world, either literally or magically.

“But beyond that,” he said and there was almost a sad pause in his words, “empathy takes on its most dangerous forms. For a very select few, their gift works the other way around or even both ways. They can manipulate other people’s emotions through what they are feeling. I have this very gift which was why I was able to project calm to you. But it can have more uses than simply tempering the arrogance of youth. A general with this gift of empathy can bolster the morale of his men when he rides into battle, confident of victory. On the other hand, a leader who believes that all has been lost can infect his people with despair.”

“And this person you’re going to train, he’s like that?” I asked. “Like you?”

“Yes,” he nodded. “His gifts before were not evident. He was always thought of as charismatic and lovable. In many ways, it was written off as just that – a charming personality. But something must have happened to incite his gift for it has broken. His emotions are leaking like a sieve and he’s infecting people with it. It has only become evident recently that he was an empath though I will not know the true extent of his gifts until I come to him.”

“Will I be like that?” I asked.

“Possibly,” he said. “All empaths have the capacity to reach the highest level. However, I very much doubt so. Though your power is growing I think the ability to sense others and what they feel will be the extent it will ever reach. With time and practice, you can extend your senses to greater distances. For now though, I have nothing more to teach you. You can only practice at this point and then learn from your experience. The time for me to go has come. Remember though that empathy is not a curse. It is a skill that must be used and honed to your advantage. The greatest mages in the world are nothing if they do not use all their skills to win the battles that count.” He stood up and started dusting his leather clothing as he walked away.

“Magister Sigmus,” I called out from my sitting position.

He turned with a frown on his face. “What now, boy?”

“I hate you,” I said calmly. “I hate you for all the pain you made me feel while training. I hate you for all the trouble you caused, the headaches I’ve had to endure after all those times you tried to show me how to create blocks in my mind. I hate you for trying to make me invade other people’s minds and to subscribe to your ideals. I hate you for embarrassing my friends. I hate how you speak, your lack of respect for others, your unbearable and annoying personality. But despite all that,” I paused to catch my breath, “thank you... Thank you for teaching me.”

He paused, frowning at me and then his eyes narrowed. “This can’t be right,” he said. “It almost feels like you’re sad I’m leaving. Focus, Samuel. I haven’t even left yet and your blocks are already becoming shabby. Pathetic.” He sneered and then turned away back towards Malden.

Surprisingly, all I could do was shake my head and smile.

NEXT CHAPTER: Ch 09: Turning Tides
For your comments, thoughts, or suggestions, leave a review and let me know!
Alternatively, you can make a post on the official forum thread found here:
http://www.gayauthor...t-of-vengeance/