Be Myself! - 12. Bad Sex

Trigger Warning (in case you missed the one on the chapter note): some bits of the third and second scenes of the chapter heavily imply that child sexual abused occurred to a certain character in the past. If you would rather skip those scenes, the Chapter End Note has a summary of their content.

After Olivia’s kiss things escalated quickly. She somehow had the right kind of motor coordination to not only be able to get out of her trousers in the dark while still on top of me, but also to get my trousers off too. She was audibly delighted when she felt the area between my legs, which had been reacting positively to her stimulus despite my initial uneasiness.

“Wow, looks like Jean was telling the truth!” Olivia’s hand set out to explore the part of my body that was hidden under my boxers. She seemed delighted by every touch, like each new thing she discovered was some kind of treasure. “It’s so cool! I’ve read about how a penis works, but this is the first time I see it for real!” As if to prove her enthusiasm, she began to concentrate her efforts in a very restricted section at the tip of my penis. My body jerked upwards in response and I found myself unable to speak. “Am I doing it right? I thought about looking at some porn to prepare for this, but my parents always say that porn isn’t a proper teacher, so…”

“That’s… that’s fine…” I managed to say at last, though each word came out as a pained gasp for breath. Encouraged by my positive feedback, Olivia tightened her grip, causing my body to jerk for a completely different reason. “Ah… too much… too much!”

“Sorry!” She exclaimed, letting go of my dick altogether. I wondered if our friends were able to hear any of this. “I’ll try to be more careful next time.”

“Thanks.” I tried to listen to any sounds from outside, in case the others had heard us, but the world beyond our tent was dead silent.

“Maybe we should get a condom and lube…” Olivia suggested, laying over my chest to get something above my head. “As soon as I find them, anyway…”

“Need any help?” I asked, noticing she was struggling to find her things.

“I probably need some light, but that wouldn’t be a good idea, particularly if Jean and Emma haven’t fallen asleep yet.” She answered, fumbling with something to my right. She was stretching so much her chest was resting under my chin. It was a weird feeling, but not in a bad way.

“That’s true.” I nodded, causing her chest to bump against the rest of my face. Olivia laughed and almost collapsed over my head.

“Argh, that’s ticklish!”

“Sorry.” I said, trying to get away from her general chest area, in case it happened again. Moving around was difficult, though, because the tent was small and most of Olivia’s body was still on top of mine.

“Ok, I think I found them!” Olivia beamed, sitting on my hip right behind my penis. I had a feeling she was grinning triumphantly, though it could just be me mistaking her for Jean and imagining what the blonde would be doing in her place. “Let’s get the fun started!”

I felt her hands touching the tip of my penis again, and then the condom being gently rolled over it. It slowly downed on me that it was actually the first time I used any protection for sex, since Jean and I had not used either condom or lube.

“I think I’m freaking out.” I told Olivia, suddenly overcome by a sense of dread brought by the realisation. Jean and I had used nothing but saliva the whole time. For obvious reasons I had not had much time to think about this kind of details back then, but now that my consciousness had absorbed the full meaning of our toilet adventure I felt at best uncomfortable and at worst like some sort of torturer.

“What’s the matter?” Olivia asked, stopping on her tracks and letting go of me instantly. “Did I do something wrong?”

“Not you.” I had no idea how I was going to tell her about my problem. I was not used to talking about my sexual experiences in normal circumstances, much less when I was lying on a tent naked with my girlfriend on top of me. “I just… I realised something and I…”

“What?” She asked, coming to lie by my side. Her hand found my ponytail and played with my hair while I tried to come up with some explanation that did not make me feel ashamed or even more terrified of what I had done.

“When Jean and I… you know…” Thankfully Olivia caught on to what I meant. “We didn’t… we didn’t really have any of this…” I gestured towards my lower body and the condom still encasing my penis. “…or this…” I reached for her other hand, which was holding the bottle of lube. “I’m a bit scared.”

“Why? We’re going to use all those things now, there’s nothing you need to worry about.”

“I’m scared for Jean, I think.” I mused, knowing that Olivia had a point, but still not able to shake off my uneasiness. “He didn’t seem to mind it back then. And he sounded like he enjoyed it…”

“Maybe he’s some kind of extreme masochist.” Olivia suggested, laying her head over my chest.

“That’s exactly what freaks me out.” I answered, suddenly imagining Jean dressed in a kinky all-revealing leather outfit with a collar, a leash and a gag in his mouth. Most of me was soon terrified that I was able to conjure up such an image, but in a very secluded corner of my mind there was a distinct feeling of awe. That was probably was scared me most of all.

“Then stop thinking about it for now and enjoy the moment.” Olivia said, getting back to her original riding position. Her hands were soon back to my cock, playing with it until I began to let out involuntary moans of enjoyment. “Are you ready now?” I nodded. Soon I felt something wet and cold coming in contact with my penis and Olivia’s hand spreading it all over the place. “Ok, here goes!” She announced, getting in position. In the darkness I could barely make out her silhouette, but she made sure I knew where she was by guiding my hands to her legs. She slowly lowered herself down, and I felt something warm and considerably wet trying to surround the tip of my penis.

“You ok?” I asked her when she stopped moving after barely making it past the tip.

“Yeah, you’re just a bit bigger than I was expecting. I’ll have to go slowly.” She answered, sounding like she was in pain or at least very uncomfortable.

“Am I hurting you?” I tried to sit up on reflex to reach her, but she screamed and ended up pulling out completely.

“Don’t move! Let me get used to you first!” She barked, forcing me back down. She resumed her attempt at riding me quickly afterwards, once again stopping as soon as the tip began to get in. “We have the whole night after all. Once I get all of you in it should be easier.”

“If you say so…” I nodded, having no other option than to trust her on this.

“Well, it’s the first time I put something down there. I suppose I should have started with smaller things…” Olivia answered, sitting just slightly deeper.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry for something you can’t help. Most guys would kill to have a dick like yours!” Olivia half laughed, half scolded me. “It’s just a small set-back, you’ll see.”

“Ok, then…” I tried to relax and let her do whatever she needed to feel comfortable. That little bit she had already managed to get in felt good, and soon the anticipation of how it would feel like when I was all in ensured I would be able to wait for her.

But then I remembered how quickly Jean had slammed his ass against my cock and I felt uneasy again. Olivia was probably right in waiting until she was ready to carry on (after all hurting her could never be the right thing to do), but it made me feel like there was something wrong with us, that I was probably doing something wrong if she could not be like Jean.

“Are you ok?” Olivia asked me, somehow reading my worry even though we could not see each other’s bodies that well. “Something wrong?”

“Sorry. I’m just thinking too much.” I answered, seeing the time with Jean in a continuous loop in my mind. At least my body was reacting to those memories like it usually did, so Olivia should not have her first time spoiled by my lack of performance skills.

“About what?” She asked, sinking slightly lower. She was almost half way through.

“Jean.” I confessed, unable to lie or divert the subject. It did not feel right to do it, not when Olivia had decided I was the right person to take away her virginity. I kind of owned it to her to tell the truth. “When he…”

“What did he do?” Olivia asked, taking a deep breath to go down even further. She was moving faster now; hopefully this meant she was getting more comfortable.

“He sucked me and put it straight in…” I said, making my memories even more vivid and tangible, as if speaking about them out loud gave them more power. “He didn’t even flinch…” The memory was so clear my body began to act it out again. I only realised what I was doing when Olivia jumped away from me and screamed in pain. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to…” I sat up, trying to reach for her. The first thing my hand touched felt very soft and somewhat wobbly. I had landed straight on her breast.

“It’s fine.” Olivia flinched, pushing her body backwards until my hand had fallen on her leg. “I think you went all in me, too.”

“I’m sorry. Are you hurt?” I asked worriedly, sitting beside her and moving my hand to her hip.

“I guess I’m a bit sore. You were really fast, you know.” She laid her body against mine. Despite her words, she did not seem angry or traumatised. “It sort of makes me wonder what kind of stuff you and Jean were up to.”

“So you know why I freaked out now? I don’t know how it happened, but suddenly I felt as if I was back there with him… I forgot everything else…”

“Well, it proves Jean is definitely a masochist. No offense, but you fuck like an animal.” Olivia grabbed my arm and settled comfortably on my lap. My sexual energy had vanished as soon as I heard her pained screams and felt her frantic attempts at getting away from me.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“Stop saying sorry. Shit happens.” Olivia cut me off, shutting my lips with one of her hands. “Let’s try again some other day, and we’ll see if you can keep Jean out of your mind long enough for us to actually get something done.”

“You sure? You were so keen to do this…”

“Well, I don’t think I can have another go so soon. I can still kind of feel you there. Besides, your dick’s already gone to sleep; we might as well follow his lead.”

“If that’s what you want…”

“If you want to make me feel better, keep your clothes off and let’s cuddle until it gets really cold and uncomfortable.” As soon as she spoke Olivia sat up and motioned for me to lie on my side. I ended up spooning her, with both of us naked under the bed sheets. She guided my hand around her hips, belly and ass, but hesitated before going higher than her ribs. After a while she let my hand rest on her breast, but her body became so stiff I decided to move back to her hip instead. I had no idea what her problem was, but after causing her so much pain I did not feel like hurting her even more.

(...)

(TW starts to apply from here to the end of the chapter)

The next morning we were awoken by loud screams coming from outside. Alarmed, I was already half way out of the tent when I realised I had not gotten dressed since cuddling with Olivia. I tried to come back before anyone saw me, but as often happens in these kinds of situation it was already too late.

“Oscar, don’t go!” Jean beamed, running towards my tent. “I haven’t seen something hot like you for ages now! Let me look a bit more! Or even better, come out and let’s fuck in the woods!”

“It’s far too early for that!” Olivia’s voice called from inside the tent. She sounded like she was not in the best of moods. “Food comes first.” My grumpy girlfriend left our tent wearing just a loose sleeveless T-shirt and even looser boxers. She sent Jean a threatening glance and rushed to the tent to our left, from where Helena and Hannah were just coming out with pleased smug faces.

“Well, the boobs are gone, so I guess it’s cock time!” Jean turned to me as soon as Olivia entered the girls’ tent. I had no idea what she planned to do there, but with the blonde so close to me I could hardly think about it properly.

“Who screamed?” I asked him once we were both inside. Jean had been wearing only a piece of bright red briefs that made the contours of his ass and penis even more obvious than usual.

“Ed. I told him I needed a dick up my ass urgently and he ran to his dad.” Jean answered, already with his briefs around his knees. I felt mildly surprised for not wanting to stop him, but I had other more pressing concerns in my mind.

“Why do you do this to him?”

“Do what?” Jean approached me, fully naked, and sat on my lap. His hands for the moment touched my neck and hair, but knowing the blonde they would soon venture south.

“Hit on him all the time. He doesn’t want to fuck you.”

“Maybe someday he will. I’ll only know if I keep asking.” As expected, his hands found the most sensitive parts of my body. “But enough of Ed; we’ll have a threesome some day. Now I think you need some attention…”

“I couldn’t have sex with Olivia last night.” I said before I could stop myself. It might have been some sort of self-defence mechanism, because Jean immediately stopped his attempt at waking my penis up. “I kept thinking about you and I ended up hurting her.”

“Oh, really?” Jean looked at me with a quizzical expression, like he was having problems processing what I had just told him. “Am I that good?”

“It wasn’t anything like when we fucked. I don’t know what went wrong.” I sighed. Jean left my lap, sitting in front of me with his hands surprisingly well-behaved across his chest.

“That’s simple, really. Your girlfriend’s lady parts simply aren’t as good as my ass. I’ve got years of practice on me; I’m like a sex pro and she’s just a beginner. That’s the difference.” He winked at me with his usual air of sexiness. “If you want I can give you some tips to tackle newbies, but you’ll have to fuck me in return.”

“What kind of tips are you talking about?” I raised an eyebrow, not really convinced Jean knew anything about having sex with girls. That he was asking for sex in return was to be expected, but was also kind of worrying.

“Things she can do to you that will make both of you want to fuck to the heavens and back, and ways you can fuck her without it feeling like you are a desperate bull with a massive iron rod of pleasure.” Jean’s face took on a dreamy look as he spoke this last bit. It was somewhat creepy to watch, but he was soon back to his usual sexy grin. “So, what do you say?”

“I suppose I can give it a go, but I really need to eat before I can do anything else.” I answered after considering his proposal in about half the time most sensible people would. As Jean stretched to make his mouth reach mine I was overcome by a distinct sense of dread, but it was already too late to back down.

(...)

A couple of hours later, after everyone had had breakfast in a campfire under Mr Smith’s supervision and Helena gave massive hints that the girls had had the best night ever, Jean pulled me aside to start his “sex lesson”. Olivia saw us retreating to the woods nearby with an arched eyebrow, but said nothing. Hopefully she had a good guess about my situation, and hopefully her talk about being ok with me fucking other people would prove to be more than just words.

“Pants off, Oscar, I only give practical tips.” Jean demanded as soon as he thought we were a safe distance away from the main camp. We had walked in a straight line, so hopefully we would be able to find our way back later. Around us there were only trees, grass, sticks, insects and the sound of the wind messing everything up.

“Fine.” I decided to go along with his plan, not surprised when he took off his own trousers with the practiced ease of someone who does this for a living. This line of thought instantly scared me, but I shoved it aside for the moment. Jean was standing right in front of me with the sexiest expression I had ever seen on him. Not surprisingly, I blushed.

“Oh, getting warmed up, are we?” Jean asked, licking his lips sensually. “The first tip is something I think Olivia will enjoy doing. It’s also something you’ve already experienced.”

Before I could process his words, Jean had kneeled in front of me and proceeded to take my whole cock in his mouth, very much like what he did in the school toilet. I felt my legs falter with each wave of pleasure he conjured up from his mouth and tried to hold on to something, but there were only tree stumps and rocks around me. In the end, I had to hold on to Jean’s shoulders and hope he would not lose his balance. Thankfully (or maybe unfortunately depending on point of view) Jean let go of me before any accident could happen.

“So, as you can see this is pretty effective.” Jean summed up his ‘argument’, grinning widely with an air of ‘mission accomplished.’ “The one thing I can’t tell you is how to do it on her, but you should know that already.”

“Yeah…” I managed to say, slowly returning to reality and running a mental report of the state of my limbs. Even after Jean had stopped, my legs still felt like they were made of melting jelly.

“Still, feel free to go down on her if that’s what floats your boat. Everyone loves a good sucking.” Jean stood up, hugging me by the neck so that our faces were just a couple of inches apart. “Now, when you get her, you have to make sure she wants to stay around you. So you grab her ass like this…” Jean took my hands and slowly guided them towards his own backside, making sure they touched as much of the rest of his body as possible on the way there. “And squeeze tightly with intent!” He made my hands do as he said. “How does it feel?”

“Soft.” I said, not entirely sure what kind of answer he was looking for. His ass felt nice, though.

“Ok, will do. Remember that Olivia has a bigger ass than I do, though, so you’ll need an even stronger grip.” Jean winked, wiggling his ass between my hands. “The next thing you do once you’ve got her is make sure she forgets about the rest of the world. The quickest way to do that is grab genitals, but we kind of went over that already with the blowjob. You can try doing that if you think you know where her sad substitute for a dick is, but if you’re like me and would rather not know, there’s something else guaranteed to work!”

“What is it?” I asked, feeling somewhat embarrassed because of the way he talked about Olivia’s body.

“Kissing avalanche!” Jean beamed, jumping on my neck and crushing it with his lips and later teeth. His mouth ran the whole length of my neck on both sides, finishing with a slight pull of the earlobe that sent shivers down my spine. “See, I told you it was very effective.” He told me nonchalantly, brushing the tip of my penis certainly not by accident. “Why don’t you try doing it to me so I can tell you how you’re doing?”

“Oh… ok, sure…” I leaned towards Jean, gripping his ass tightly as he sensually tipped his head to the side, giving me plenty of room to explore. I tried to do as I remembered him doing, but my memory had sadly been corrupted by the explosion of sensations that followed each kiss and each bite.

“You’re not bad, but you can dig deeper if you want. Or move closer to my mouth.” Jean said with an unbelievable straight face. I would be inclined to think he was not really feeling anything at all if it was not for his erection rubbing against my belly. “Kiss my jaw too. Yeah, like that. You can go down to the chest too. Girls like when people play with their boobs. I have no clue why, though. They’re like two pieces of meaty jelly dangling around. Not really interesting.”

“I don’t think Olivia likes it.” I mused, retreating a bit so I could touch Jean’s nipples. “She went all stiff when I touched her breasts.”

“She’s probably a weirdo, then. Good for you, one less torture you’ll have to put up with!” Jean beamed, guiding my hands back to his ass. “Now, how keen are you to have a dick up your arse in the near future?”

“What?” I almost jumped back, not expecting this kind of question. I was suddenly overcome by a sense of dread and diverted my gaze.

“Not very likely, then. Well, it’s more fun than you think.”

“You want to…” I tried to ask, taking a step back and hitting a tick root from a tree nearby. Thankfully Jean managed to catch me before something more embarrassing and potentially harmful happened.

“I don’t want to fuck you, I was just asking if it was something you wanted to do with Olivia. Or have her do to you or whatever.” The blonde said, with the same kind of tone he had used when he told me Brandon and the others were not my real friends. Jean being serious was almost as scary as his sexy face. “I don’t top, remember?”

“Why not?” I asked, anxious to change the subject. The idea of anything phallic near my ass gave me the kind of bad feelings I associated with my father’s punishments. It was somewhat surreal to think that other people could enjoy it so much.

“Because it’s boring. Being bottom is a lot more fun!”

“How?” I raised an eyebrow. Jean grinned and turned his back to me, laying against my chest and positioning his ass suggestively close to my dick.

“Not that many people realise that jut because they’ve got their dick deep inside my ass it doesn’t mean they’re in charge. Middle-aged men in particular for some reason, at least in my experience. It’s lots of fun to take control right under their noses without them noticing. They get so lost in my sex skills I can even tell them when to fill me up.”

“That’s…” There were too many things in Jean’s answer that needed to be processed properly before I could come up with a coherent reply. Unfortunately (or maybe thankfully) he was not willing to give me time to do so. His hand found my cock and started to guide it towards his asshole.

“I can give you a practical demonstration of that too if you want…” He slid the tip in with surprisingly little resistance considering there was no lubrication involved.

“Shouldn’t you use lube?” I asked, before my ability to think was completely washed away from me.

“Nah, it’s just a quicky. I just want to show you a thing or two.”

It took just a few seconds for Jean to take my whole cock. It felt too good to be true, particularly after seeing how difficult it was for Olivia to do it with full lubrication. A small part of me wanted to understand how he managed to do it, but by that point most of me was already lost in the ‘demonstration’. Jean did not move much, but even a little twitch of his ass had an incredible effect on me.

“I think you have resisted long enough, haven’t you?” Jean purred, adjusting his body so he could thrust more vigorously against me. Almost immediately I felt a huge wave of the best feeling in the world hitting me full force. That was the end of my ‘resistance’, as Jean put it.

“I…”

“You should rest now. Olivia will certainly want more of you later on, so you better be prepared.” Jean let go of me and contorted his body so he could take a look at the mess I had made. He grinned and bent over to grab his discarded trousers from the ground. I pointedly refused to look, afraid of what I would see there. “Remember all the stuff I told you and lots of fun shall be had tonight!” He got back up, gave me a quick peck in the cheek and ran in the opposite direction from where we came from. I considered calling him back, but decided against it in the end. Jean probably knew what he was doing. He always seemed to.

I made my way back safely and was greeted with considerable enthusiasm by Olivia. She did not ask me what I had been up to, but judging by her overall posture in general and wide grin in particular, she probably had a very good idea already.