Be Myself! - 18. Play Time

strong>WARNING: contain hints of child sexual abuse. Though this time around it's not so much a hint as an anvil figuratively (and painfully) dropping on your foot. As per usual, a safer summary can be found on the end notes.
Thanks Lisa for the awesome editing!

In case you missed it before:

WARNING: contain hints of child sexual abuse. Though this time around it's not so much a hint as an anvil figuratively (and painfully) dropping on your foot. As per usual, a safer summary can be found on the end notes.

(...)

“Hey, Oscar, long time no see! I miss you!” Jean called my mobile on Sunday. I had just retired to my room after dinner, so thankfully there was no risk of my parents overhearing us. “How have you been?”

“Not bad. Just a bit busy,” I answered, wondering how long his small talk would last. Because it had been a while since we last saw each other, he probably ‘missed’ certain parts of my body more than my person. And because it had been such a long time, I realised I did not mind it. “You know, exams and all that.”

“Yeah, that shit. Ed is being a pain too. I don’t understand why you take it so seriously, it’s not like you won’t have other options if you fail…”

“Like being a porn actor?” I asked, remembering the conversation I had with Hannah on the day we visited Henry. From then on, her remarks from appeared like a broken record in my mind; even as I spoke I heard her voice saying I would not like to know the reasons behind his plans for the future.

“Exactly! You could join me, you know? No one would deny you employment with a cock like yours!” Jean laughed, and then made some suggestive noises when I did not say anything. “Can you imagine? You and I going to work on the same shoot, fucking every day for five days a week… your cock would definitely be entertained!”

Jean kept fantasying about our future porn career, saying the kind of things that made my face blush so much I began to wonder when my parents would barge in to ask where the fire was. At least all the embarrassment distracted me from the dreadful feeling of learning about my friend’s past.

At some point Jean noticed I was not speaking and asked if I was still listening. I could have answered anything from a simple ‘yes’ to a slightly more elaborated ‘I heard everything you just said’, but for some unexplainable reason my masochistic mouth decided that the distraction was not welcome, and that it was about time I felt uneasy again. “Hannah said we wouldn’t like to know why you want to be a porn star so much. Why did she say that?”

Jean took some time to answer, but when he spoke there was an undeniable sexy undertone to his words. “We shouldn’t talk about these kinds of things over the phone. Maybe when you come over next Sunday I’ll tell you more, and then we can have some fun…”

“Next Sunday? What is happening then?”

“It’s Emma’s birthday party. The house will be full of silly girls, so Edgar allowed me to invite my friends over too. You are coming, right?” he pouted. Rationally I knew that accepting an invitation made in a sexy tone would not be a good idea, but my mouth had already decided it was temporarily rebelling against my brain, so I told him I would. “Great! I’ll invite the others too, but maybe you want to show up a bit earlier for us to spend more time together?” Once again my mouth agreed without consulting the rest of my body. Jean was obviously delighted, but I felt like digging a hole in the ground and hiding there for the rest of the year. “Cool, I’ll see you next Sunday at one p.m.! Don’t be late, or you’ll have to endure the pink battalion for way too long! Kisses on your dick, bye, bye!”

Jean hung up before I could say anything. There was nothing left for me to do but to come up with a reasonable lie to tell my parents. And then feel guilty that my first thought had been about deceiving them once more.

It took me a couple of days to talk to my parents about Emma’s party, (or, as I called it, another ‘study group’). My father was proud that I had been chosen to help other students so often, so he let me go without further questioning. For the rest of the week I could not decide whether I felt guilty for lying to him or happy that the ‘study group’ was such a good excuse, because it meant I was being forced to choose between my parents and friends, and making this decision was getting easier every day. Though every time my father trusted me so blindly I felt like there was a sand clock above my head slowly being emptied. Something inside me knew time was running out, that someday all the lies would come crashing on me, but I could not think of another way of being with my friends, so I had to take the risk.

(...)

Jean’s house was too far to walk to, so I took the train there. His neighbourhood constituted of similarly-built houses glued to each other for miles on end. It took me a while to find the house I was looking for, because it had immediate neighbours on both sides that looked almost identical, except for the small detail that Jean’s house had a silver fence and a brown front gate while the neighbours had opted for either no fence at all or a rusty collection of metal welded together in a vaguely straight fashion. The house itself had three floors, though the top one looked like it had been added after everything else was build. The outside walls were white, lined with red bricks.

“Hi, Oscar! I’m so glad you came!” Jean ran to open the door before I could knock. He immediately made me go straight up the stairs to his room on the first floor; not even allowing me to greet Mr Smith, Edward or Emma. As soon as I came in I was overwhelmed by a feeling that I had just walked into a strange mix of a brothel and a toy shop. The room had red walls, red curtains, and even a red lamp. Posters of sexy naked men were splattered on most of the walls. Yet, despite all the indications Jean was building a micro-brothel in his room, it was also full of all kinds of plush toys and dolls that were spread around the room and the bed-side lamp had the shape of a dog’s head. Sexy and childish mingled together everywhere I looked, like they could somehow belong together. It felt like I had entered some kind of creepy parallel universe. “Do you like it?” Jean asked, sitting on his bed and indicating I should join him. His hand found my backside as soon as I did.

“It’s a bit… weird…” I confessed, trying to find a polite way of expressing my discomfort. “And small,” I added. Jean’s room was so tiny it was almost claustrophobic; there was very little space to walk around or move about. His single bed (with cute cartoon animals on the duvet cover), was in the middle of the room with its head against the smallest Victorian window I had ever seen. His bedside table and desk occupied the wall on the left, taking away all available walking space on that side of the room. Things were so clustered together that his desk chair had to be moved against the wall to allow the door to open. On the room’s right side there was a black dresser covered in even more pornographic pictures, but thankfully it was just about the right size to allow a thin body to move along that side.

“Yeah, yeah. It used to be a storage room of sorts, though I don’t know why someone bothered to build a room this small in the first place.” Jean shrugged, though his hand did not move from my ass. “Edgar put me here because his room is right next to this one, and because Ed only agreed to live with me if he could get a lockable room in the attic. His room is huge, but he almost never lets me in there.” Jean pouted rather cutely before turning his sexy grin on and jumping in my lap. “But forget Ed; we have more interesting things to do before everyone else gets here.” He kissed me on the mouth, effectively erasing any chance of resistance on my part. Soon I was lying on his bed and he was sitting on top of me, working on getting my trousers off.

“Shouldn’t we at least use lube?” I asked, somewhat surprised at how easily I had agreed to do this. “And a condom?”

“Ok, we will, but only because I promised Edgar I wouldn’t make too much of a mess in his house.” Jean did some impressive bending of his spine to reach the bedside table, from where he retrieved the required supplies. I caught a glimpse of what could be a shiny Jesus-on-the-Cross shaped dildo (Olivia had shown me one from an online sex shop when I was over her house, but I never thought someone actually bought them for real) and some other scary looking paraphernalia that I was definitely better off not knowing about. “I missed your cock so much!”

The sex was surprisingly quick, even for Jean’s standards, but it was very intense. When it was over I felt I had been relieved of all the exam-related tension of the past few weeks; though this feeling did not last. The dread soon returned, but for an entirely different reason than I had anticipated.

“We need to clean up before everyone else gets here. Run to the bathroom, we’ll have a quick shower together.” He said all this while we lay naked on the bed. Our clothes had been thrown in the little corner between his bedside table and the Victorian window, where it would be quite difficult to retrieve them without another healthy dose of contortionism. So he was basically telling me run naked around my Geography teacher’s house when a child’s birthday party was about to start. Yet, this did not seem to faze him; when my face began to reflect the horror of the situation he looked into my eyes and blinked, totally clueless, wordlessly asking me what my problem was.

“I can’t run anywhere! What if someone sees me?” I explained, exasperated.

“Oh, don’t worry about it!” Jean waved away my concerns, resting his hand on my chest. He was lying on top of me, since there was obviously not enough space in his bed for us to lie side by side. “Ed is too busy sulking in his room upstairs and Edgar and Emma will be downstairs sorting all the food and decorations until the guests come. We’ve got the whole floor to ourselves; no one will see us.” His hand caressed my chest and he kissed my neck. It was all it took for my brain to be convinced he was right, or at least distracted enough to ignore its own common sense, for two minutes later we were running across the landing towards the bathroom like two escaped convicts trying to reach the getaway car.

(...)

By the time Emma’s guests arrived Jean and I were safely back in his room. We had showered together as he had planned, though we did more kissing and touching than actual cleaning. When we heard the first doorbell, he was lying seductively on his bed, watching as I tried to get comfortable in his desk chair.

“Hannah and Olivia will be here soon,” he announced out of the blue. Because his window was turned to the front of the house we could hear some faint screaming from the entrance, probably Emma’s friends greeting each other.

“Did you invite the others?”

“Helena and Ariadne said they would rather study,” Jean rolled his eyes and smiled widely as he spoke the next sentence. “So we are free of scary appendages for the time being.” He sat at the end of the bed, reaching out to touch my face suggestively. “And Henry obviously can’t come. He said he would love to, but that parties are probably the most dangerous places for him to be in right now.” Jean pulled my head forward, putting us in the kind of position that in romantic movies always ends in a passionate kiss. “He seemed really upset, so I told him I would pass by later to give him his own private party.”

“Oh, I see…” Jean pressed his lips against mine, initiating a deep, slow kiss that felt out of place in his usual style of fiery passion. We lingered on like lazy lovers who can’t bear the thought of letting go. I was soon back on his bed, this time on top of him, and he lit our figurative fire once more with his skilled hands.

“I told you we could talk about my porn career today,” Jean said just as I though he was going to try to take my trousers off again. The abrupt change in topic caught me by surprise, but Jean prevented me from moving away by catching my waist between his legs. “You were kind of cute when you were asking about it, so I guess I can tell you a thing or two…”

“Really?” My heart began to pound in my chest; I had a feeling I was about to hear something horrible; that I was about to cross the point of no return in my childish naïveté about the world. Being physically trapped and forced to face Jean as it happened made it even worse. “You don’t have to…”

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing too bad. I mean, I don’t think it’s bad, but Hannah and Edgar said I shouldn’t tell people about it.” He played with a loose strand of hair hanging from my face and tried to put it behind my ear.

“Then it’s probably bad.” I told him, feeling my stomach churn at the increasing exposure to stress and anxiety.

“I don’t know why, though. It’s not like I’m traumatised or anything.” Jean grinned, but I was not convinced. My friend had already proved to have a warped sense of reality; his words could not be taken at face value.

“Ok, then. Tell me why you want to be a porn actor,” I asked, hoping that the sooner we got over it, the sooner I would recover from whatever it was.

“Because that’s about the only thing I know how to do and the only thing I like to do.” His grin became a wide smile, like he was having genuinely happy thoughts on the matter. “And I’ve had lots of experience and training too!”

“Training?” A cacophony of alarm bells exploded in my head. I regretted asking the question as soon as Jean answered.

“Yeah, training; and with a great teacher too!” He was grinning too much, like this ‘training’ of his was the best thing that had happened in his life. The alarm bells grew louder; there was only one kind of training required for a porn star, and Jean had being through it despite being a year younger than me. “He was so sexy and big, lots of hair everywhere and a very strong body. He taught me to do all sorts of cool things; I could show them to you if you want.”

“No, thanks.”

“Oh, come on, just one! I promise it’s going to be great!” His legs tightened their grip around my hips. My awkward position on top of him made it difficult for me to overpower him and break away from his leg-chain. “And then you can tell me if you feel like you’re in a porn movie!”

“I feel like I’m in a porn movie whenever we have sex,” I babbled, hoping this would convince him to shut up before the things he was strongly implying turned into definite, horrifying facts. Thankfully, my rescue party arrived just in time.

“So you’re on to that again,” an intimidating female voice said. Hannah and Emma had stomped into the room in dramatic fashion, forcing Jean to release his grip on my lower body in order to face the newcomers. Despite being caught in such a compromising position, his grin did not fade.

“Well, Oscar is here, what did you expect?” he asked the girls, manoeuvring our bodies so that we could both sit on the bed facing our friends.

“As long as you didn’t make a mess…” Emma rolled her eyes, not even bothering to stare at us like the impressionable pre-teen she should be.

“Nope, we showered and everything!”

“Ok, then.” She smiled knowingly, making me wonder how aware she was of the potentially horrifying events in her foster-brother’s past. “I just wanted to come and say that Hannah had arrived. It’s not fair that all your guests arrive before mine, you know?”

“Olivia is not here yet. And I thought your friends were here already? I heard the screams and everything,” Jean asked with the kind of normality of someone who had been speaking about puppies the whole afternoon. The way he and Emma interacted was very close to what I imagined interactions between real siblings would be like.

“It was Hannah. She gave me some really cool stuff, so I was very happy,” Emma answered solemnly. Hannah rolled her eyes.

“Speaking of which, I have something for you too. I’m sorry I didn’t give it to you before,” I told Emma, embarrassed that I waited that long to greet her. I probably should have insisted on seeing her when I arrived instead of letting myself get caught up by Jean’s sexiness. I made an awkward reach for my backpack, which I had haphazardly thrown beside Jean’s bed, and took out a small box wrapped in pink wrapping paper.

“Oh, thank you. I didn’t expect Jean’s guests to give me anything, but it was nice of you.” Emma took the box and tore the paper with practiced ease. “Oh, thank you, it will be useful.” She told me, hugging the fluffy mini-teddy bear that came inside the box and skipping out of the room without bothering to say goodbye.

“She’s not bad for a girl, is she?” Jean asked us as soon as his foster-sister was gone.

“You shouldn’t say it like that.” Hannah censored, though Jean ignored her. “Let’s go downstairs and help Mr Smith finish preparing things, you’ve had plenty of time for private parties.”

“Why do I have to help? It’s not even my party!” It was Jean’s turn to roll his eyes. Despite that, he got up from the bed and followed Hannah out of the room. I automatically went with them.

(...)

Downstairs we found Mr Smith busy setting up the table decorations in what I assumed was the dining room. The space could not be called a “room” as such, though, because it was not properly separated from the kitchen or from a room that was most likely Mr Smith’s office. The kitchen and the dining area were at the very back of the house. The only way it was possible to know they were different rooms was because the floor coverings changed from a colourful set of tiles to a fluffy carpet. There were half-walls in the corner of the rooms, but most of the space was free to walk through. The kitchen had a massive window that looked out into the back garden, while the dining area had a glass door leading to said garden.

The dining area was subtly separated from the office by another set of half-walls around the corners, but once again the space was mostly free from boundaries, making it look like the two rooms were just one big space. The party probably made this even more evident, because the office was already full of birthday-style decorations, including a party banner, balloons, and a small table with finger food.

“Oh, hi, Oscar, it’s good to see you!” Mr Smith greeted me, putting down a plate of pink cupcakes. “I’m glad you could come. How are you?”

“I’m fine, thank you, Mr Smith.” My Geography teacher smiled at me, though his tone of voice seemed more on the worried side. He had been concerned about me when he had the unpleasant task of informing my father of what Jean and I had done in the school toilet, but two months had gone by since then; he had probably forgotten about it already.

“We thought we could give you a hand with the preparations,” Hannah said, subtly motioning for Jean and I to step forward. “What do you want us to do?”

Mr Smith was reluctant to let us help at first, but Hannah was very persuasive. In the end, he told us to hang some decoration in the garden and set a small table with random party items there. We put it under a tree at the furthest corner of the garden, surrounded by purple flowers. There were some pink flowers under the kitchen window and surrounding the backdoor, and everything was linked by a pathway of red bricks. It was the first time I found myself curious about what all those species of colourful plants were. At home my mother was the sole person responsible for the garden; I was never told to help out or taught the names of the plants we had. So I was completely ignorant of most things concerning the flower world.

Emma’s first guests arrived just as we were finished with the garden. She took the group of two girls to her bedroom and we carried on helping Mr Smith until Olivia arrived.

“Hi there. Oscar and I had sex already, so I’ll let him pay attention to you for the time being,” Jean told my girlfriend as soon as she crossed the front door. I felt my face heat up and turned away sharply, though I heard laughter from behind me.

“Ok, thanks for letting me know. I was indeed looking forward to having some quality time with my boyfriend soon,” Olivia answered, still half-laughing. She hugged me from behind and slowly convinced me to turn around, at which point she jumped to kiss my cheek.

“Aww, this is almost cute,” Jean remarked, approaching us and kissing my other cheek with an air of superiority because he did not need to jump to do it. “How about we go back to my room and have our own secluded party? And by ‘party’ I mean we all gang up on sexy Oscar.”

“Er… I…” It was impossible to know if Jean was being serious, so for my own safety, I tried to get out of whatever plan he had in mind.

“I don’t have any desire to gang up on Oscar, thank you.” Hannah noted, raising her eyebrows in annoyance.

“Then watch and be amused!”

Thankfully by the time we reached Jean’s room Hannah had convinced him to change plans (that it, if he was serious about them in the first place. It was always hard to tell). What we did instead was rant about the exams, fawn over cute kittens in Jean’s computer, and look at collections of bizarre porn that Jean kept in a box under his bed. He and Olivia were thoroughly amused by the drawings of bulky men with gigantic penises, bulky men who resembled animals in some fashion, and mind-blowing BDSM. I spent most of my time blushing and looking away, but it was obvious that even Hannah was having a great time.

Finally, when we ran out of porn, Olivia turned her attention to the collection of dolls and plushies accumulated around the room. She was particularly taken by a squishy octopus and a rainbow bear.

“Those are my favourite too.” Jean commented, smiling as Olivia took both plushies and positioned them in her lap. “The bear has a very strategic hole in its ass, and the octopus is the creature with the most potential cocks I could find.”

“You make them fuck?” Olivia asked, with the kind of glee that was surely inappropriate in this kind of situation. “Is that what you do with all your toys?”

“Those ones, yes. Edgar wanted me to have lots of toys when I came here, but he only told me this was not what they were for when Ed complained I was ruining his toys.” Jean squeezed beside Olivia on the bed so he could take the plushies from her and demonstrate how the animals had multiple-penetration sex. I stopped watching when he put the second ‘potential cock’ into the bear’s makeshift hole, but there was no way to stop listening to the conversation.

“You thought toys were for fucking?” Olivia asked. I felt something shift beside me, probably Hannah moving forward.

“Well, yeah. That’s what I did when I was a kid, why wouldn’t my toys do the same?” Jean’s reply brought an uncomfortable silence to the room. I did not dare look towards my friends, but it was obvious that Olivia was not expecting such an answer. When the silence carried on for too long, Jean spoke again. “I didn’t have toys before Edgar got those for me. How could I know you were only supposed to do boring stuff with them?”

My heart raced as the feelings that had invaded me early in the afternoon returned in full force. The obvious question painfully hanging in the air was why Jean had to wait for so long to get the kind of thing I took for granted during my entire childhood. At the same time, however, I felt that the answer had already been given, that all the pieces of this puzzle were already there, but that I was too afraid to put them together. I felt suffocated. I wanted to leave the room before Jean completed the puzzle for me; before any hopes that I was reading his clues wrong could be shattered forever.

“You have other kinds of toys, though? Don’t you?” Hannah broke the silence, probably trying to steer the conversation towards safer grounds. She knew Jean’s past; hopefully she was aware of the fear it was causing in the rest of us.

“Oh, yeah, of course! I’ve always had those, too! Though Edgar doesn’t like it when I show them off.” Jean immediately abandoned the fucking plushies (somehow six of the octopus’s tentacles were already inside the bear), grabbing a large box from under his bed. “Meet my favourite babies!” he beamed, opening the lid with all the ceremonial pomp expected of a grand reveal.

Thanks to Hannah’s timely interruption, we spent the rest of Emma’s birthday party looking at Jean’s vast collection of sex toys. He told us details about the function and sensation of each of them, piling them up in the inaccessible corner between his bed and the bedside table. Once the large box had been cleared, he showed us the toys hidden in his dresser, bedside table, and even a rabbit dildo he kept hidden inside a rabbit plushie. By the time this long lecture on adult toys was over, I had almost managed to forget the creepy revelations about his childhood.

“So, Oscar, how about you and I shove the girls away so we can have some fun with all the stuff I just showed you? I’m sure you won’t regret it.” Jean asked me, getting close enough to touch all possible inappropriate areas of my body in one fluid and arousing motion.

“No, thanks, I’ve had enough sex for the day,” I told him, doing my best to ignore his hands’ movements.

“You say that now, but…” He kissed my neck, causing an unexpected moan to erupt from my mouth. “I’m sure you’ll have changed your mind by the time I’m done with you.”

“Now is not the time for these things,” Hannah interrupted, grabbing Jean by his ponytail to get him off me. “You’ve fucked already, give him a break.”

“But being around all those toys made me horny!” Jean cried, looking longingly towards the pile of sex toys beside his bed. “Now I want to use all of them at once!”

“Well, good luck with that. We’ll be downstairs with the birthday girl, please try not to scare the guests with your screams.” As she said this, Hannah grabbed Olivia and I by our shirts and led us out of the room. Emma and a group of about a dozen girls were hanging around the dining room, where Mr Smith was preparing a projector to show a movie. We were invited to join them and Hannah promptly accepted in the name of us all.

I was never told whether Jean did try to use all his toys at once, though during particularly quiet moments in the movie I though I heard screams coming from upstairs.

Thanks for reading!
As always, feedback is much appreciated. 
Summary: Jean invites Oscar and his friends for Emma's birthday party. He and Oscar fuck. Once Hannah and Olivia arrive, they have fun examining Jean's wide collection of sex toys.