Green's Mr. Black SIngs A Sad Song Revised - 1. Chapter 1

Life is like a roller coaster. You take your highs and lows then you end up right where you began. It had been two years since I last saw my family. I was a street kid when they found me.

“You sure this place is empty?” Brady asked me. I rolled my eyes. I had cased the place for the past week. No one ever came or went from there. We could easily spend the night there. There was even a heater I could see from one of the windows on the side.

“Yeah, come on,” I said. “It’s getting cold and we need a place to crash. Help me up to that window.”

Brady helped me raise myself up to the window. To my relief the window was open. I helped Brady next and we both got into the garage. The place was empty except for a small table, a space heater and an old couch covered in a tarp.

“Told you this was perfect,” I said. Brady nodded and sat on the couch as I walked closer to the heater. “I think its electric.”

“Plug it in,” Brady said. “There’s an outlet near the couch.” Brady pointed at it and I plugged the heater in, pulling it closer to the couch. I pulled closer to Brady and within minutes we were both asleep.

Brady had saved me when he found me half naked and crying one night. He found me clothes and got me warm. I stayed with him, learning how to survive. How to stay alive when all you had to eat was a rotten piece of fruit you found in a dumpster. He was everything to me until one day we were no longer just survivors we had turned into something more.

“You guys want to tell me what you’re doing in my garage,” Said a voice, waking us.

Brady Jumped of the couch and started to grab our stuff. He tossed me my worn out shoes and headed for the window. I followed him, putting on my shoes as fast as I could. Brady had reached the window when a hand held me back. I tried to break free as Brady reached the window.

“Hey you!” the man yelled as Brady jumped through. “Stay where you are.”

“Brian,” Brady yelled. “Let him go.”

Brady was about to jump from the window when I noticed the man was a close. I wouldn’t outrun him. “No!” I said. “Go I’ll find you. Go Now.”

Brady hesitated. “Brian.”

“Go!” I said louder. The officer tried to stop him but Brady was already running.

Twenty minutes later I was handcuffed and sitting in a precinct. The officer that caught me was on the phone. “I’m Officer Grant, but most people just call me Grant. You going to tell me your name?” He asked and I looked away. The first thing Brady taught me was to never use my name. “Guess we’ll do this the hard way Brian.”

I froze. This man knew my name. How? I didn’t want to confirm that to the man so I kept staring away. How had I let myself get caught? I

“You are a hard man to find,” he added as he waited for someone to answer his call. “We got a call from someone that saw you a month ago. We’ve been looking for you Brian.”

Someone had seen me? I had been on the streets for two years. Maybe my family was looking for me after all. I let that thought float on by.

“Do you want to tell me what happened to you?” Grant asked. “Cause honestly we’ve been looking for you a long time. Your parents have missing persons posters plastered all over the state.”

Rule number two, never share your story with an officer. The last thing I was going to do was tell them what had happened to me. You see too my family I was invisible. When you were the middle child in a house of five children you were the one they always forgot. The sad part being that you learned to accept it after a while. They wanted me back as sign that they didn’t fail as parents.

One fall night my parents had taken us all to dinner. They had a big announcement that they wanted to share with us. My father had been promoted and we were moving to some town called Lakeside that was on the other side of the state.

Dinner was at a chain restaurant in the local mall. My two older siblings took off at some point and my mother had asked me to go and pick up some jewelry she was having cleaned at one of the stores in the mall. I did as she asked and left to the jewelry store. When I returned my parents were gone. I waited for half hour before I realized they weren’t coming back. They left me.

"Hey Kid you can’t stay here, the mall is about to close," said a mall security guard. “Do you have someone I could call?” I didn’t answer. If I called my parents they would yell at me for staying behind. I would rather deal with the cold.

To my surprise Grant didn’t charge me with anything. I watched as he spoke with several people and then he called my parents. “Yes Sharon we found him,” he said. “Excellent we will be by later this afternoon.” I watched from the chair as he gave them some details and he agreed to take me home to them.

“Brian would you like to go get something to eat,” Grant asked. “I know a place down the street. We can talk over some things.”

I didn’t answer but he pulled me off the chair and took my handcuffs off. A few minutes later we were walking into a diner. “You probably haven’t eaten in a while,” he said when we walked into the diner. “Sit at the far end.”

I did as he asked and waited as he ordered two burgers from a waitress. I looked around trying to find a way to cut and run. The place was small and the only exit was the front door. Officer Grant was standing in my way.

“I know this is difficult,” he said. “You have two choices. You can go back to your family who really misses you Brian. Or you can go to the hall. One thing for sure you are not going back to the streets.”

I would have a better chance to escape if I went back with my family. If they were anything like they were before I wasn’t high on their priority list. It was only a matter of time before they’d forget I was even alive.

“It’s your choice but you have until you finish that burger to tell me or I’m going to make that decision for you Brian.” Grant asked the waiter for a coffee and a coke for me.

“I’ll go back with my parents,” I said.

“And he speaks.” The man was about to take my life away and he was making jokes. “Good! Now do you want to tell me what happened to you?”

“No,” I said and he shook his head. “You’re going to have to answer that question at some point.”

That night I didn't know where I was going. I just walked. At some point I had made it out of the mall's parking lot and I had walked several blocks away. It was getting colder and I pulled my thin jacket closer. My house was three miles away and I wasn’t sure I would make it.

My friend Jake's house was only about half a mile from the mall. I figured I could stay there for the night. I cursed myself for not wearing a heavier jacket as I walked. When I was halfway to Jake’s house an old white car pulled up next to me.

"Hey son you need a ride?" said the man driving. I couldn't really see him in the dark.

"No, I'm OK," I replied and walked faster. I knew better than to talk to some creepy stranger.

He sped up matching my speed. "Now come on son. It's cold outside I could give you a ride home.” I ran. This man wanted more from me than to just give me a ride.

Jake's house was only a block away when he tackled me from behind and pulled me into his car. I fought and screamed for help. I tried to hit him but he overpowered me and hit me hard across the face. "Now you be a good little boy and behave. I have tons of fun planned for us," he said as I tried to open the door from inside. The next day, I was left for dead in a back alley two states away. I wouldn't see my family again for two years.

The waitress placed two burgers on the table in front of me, dropping the plate hard. I felt my stomach growl. It had been a long time since I had a burger and I wanted to devour it but I couldn’t touch it.

“Eat up. We have a few things to do before I take you home.” Grant said, pushing the plate closer to me. He sighed when I didn’t move. “Look man I’m not the enemy here ok. Going home is what’s best for you. Your family loves you and they want you back.”

“What do you know? They’re the reason I’m out here in the first place.”

“I know more than you think. Now eat your burger its getting cold.”

My stomach growled then I caved. It was the most delicious thing I had eaten in a long time. Grant watched as I devoured it in just a few bites.

“Do you want another one?” He asked and pushed his burger towards me. I grabbed it and ate that one just as fast. “Look I know its’ been hard for you,” he said. “I actually know your family very well. I also know that if you wanted to be found you would have contacted any one of them. So tell me what’s this about?”

I told him everything. He wrote down some details and asked a few more questions. When we were done he paid for my food and led me to a black car parked a block away. We drove for a while until we were out of the city and in the suburbs. We drove silently until Grant pulled into a driveway near a lake.

“I want you to call me if you ever feel like running again,” he said breaking the silence. He handed me a card. “I want you to call me even if you just need to talk Brian.”

"Are you ready?" Grant, said. I nodded and looked up to that house. The house was a huge white house at the edge of a lake. The house was slightly larger than the house we lived in before but it was a lot nicer. Looks like they really didn’t miss me all that much.

"If you feel like you need me at any moment just call and I’ll come get you." He said shaking my hand.

"I will," I said as he put his hand on my shoulder.

I wondered how I could ever fit in here. I was a completely different person. I had dyed my hair black because being blond on the street is not a good Idea. I wasn’t the quiet kid they probably still remembered. I promised myself I would only stay for a few days then leave one night when they were all sleeping. I hated living on the streets but at least I had people that actually cared about me. I had Brady.

Officer Grant and I took the steps to the front door and rang the doorbell. My father answered. He looked at me then pulled me to him. "Oh Brian," he said as he held me tight.

My mother then joined us. "Oh my baby," She said. "I'm here. Right here."

I didn't say anything. I had nothing to say. It was their entire fault that I ended on the streets. They never wanted me. They forgot about me and left me. How could I forgive that? Brady was my family now, not them. I didn’t want to come back but some part of me was curious about my family. Maybe I missed them a little. I mean I spent thirteen years around these people. I knew where they lived and I knew their phone number. If I wanted to come back all I had to do was call them but I was broken. How could I ever come back to them?

"Hi," said one of my younger sisters. She hugged my mid section. She had grown.

"I missed you Brian," said my other little sister. They were twins. I always had a connection to them. "We both missed you," they said together.

"I missed you too," I said. They weren't to blame, they were only five years old the last time I saw them.

"Yeah you missed our birthday party," said Kelly.

"Yeah we're this old now," Kim added holding eight fingers up.

"Yeah then I owe you a present. As soon as I can I will get you one,” I promised.

My older brother Tim walked up behind me. "Hey Bro," he said pulling my body over to him with his big hands. "I thought we lost you for sure. It's good to have you back."

"Thanks," I said noticing that he had also grown. He was at least a foot taller than I remember.

"Oh my god. Brian," yelled my older sister Lisa. She pulled me away from Tim. She didn't hug me but held my hands. I had an understanding with her. We were always close considering she was just eleven months older than me. "You and I have lot's to talk about." I nodded.

"Come on Brian I cooked a huge dinner for the family, would you like to stay, Officer Grant?" asked my mother. I knew deep down she didn't expect him to stay. It was just courteous to ask.

He declined but pulled me aside before he left. "Remember what I told you. I mean it."

"I will Officer Grant," I said but I didn’t mean it.

He sighed and frowned. "At least you know you can leave when you are eighteen. Till then just make the best of a bad situation. Remember not everyone gets to come back." He said before he left.

"Hey Brian come on dinner is ready," said Kim. I fought the urge to run. I wanted to just leave this place and never come back. I didn't fit in here anymore. They were all blond with bright smiles. With my black hair I stood out like a sore thumb.

Kim grabbed my hand and pulled me inside. Inside the new house was very different than we used to live in. This was the kind of house that the other street kids only dreamt about. I had grown up in big houses all of my life but this was far better. I imagined Brady and I living here. Having Christmas here with our own family. I shook the Thought it was bittersweet.

"Mom bought you a lot of stuff it's in your room," Kim said.

"I have a room?"

"Yeah silly why wouldn't you. This house is huge," She said spreading her arms towards the ceiling.

She led me to the dining room. My father smiled at me as I walked in. My older siblings were already seated and my mom brought in a big plate of pasta. "Honey sit down." I sat down next to Lisa. My mother sat down next to me as Kelly came running in. I had a feeling I wouldn’t be left alone that night.

"Let's pray." my mother grabbed my left hand and Lisa grabbed the other.

My father began and I watched as he prayed for having me back. It made me feel so different from them. Here they were a perfect family with four perfect blond kids. I was the black sheep literally. I didn’t pray with them. I took them in one by one. My little sisters were going to be two beautiful ladies in a few years. My brother Tim looked like he walked of an Abercrombie and Fitch catalogue with his muscles and tightly cropped blond hair. Lisa was beautiful beyond belief and where did I fit in?

When my father was done, my mother handed me a plate of her pasta. "Here honey, eat all you want,” she said placing a big helping on my plate.

"Thanks." I said looking at the food. It didn't look particularly appealing. I didn’t tell them that Officer Grant had but me lunch right before he brought me to them. Maybe he did know my parents well.

"I bet you haven't had a home cooked meal in a while, huh?" Said Tim. My father glared at him. My mother just shook her head.

"To tell you the truth I haven't had a good meal since that time we ate at that restaurant inside the mall," I said. My father looked at me with sad eyes. My mother just looked down at her plate. Score one for me. I wasn’t going to make this easy.

"Can we eat now?" asked Kelly.

"Yeah honey," My mom said. The sadness was evident in her voice but what did I care.

"Can I be excused please?" I asked surprised at my manners. My parents looked at each other. They were older as well I noticed. My father’s hair had gotten considerably greyer and my mom’s eyes looked deeper. Did the loss of me cause this? I wondered.

"Yes Brian," my father said.

"I'll show him to his room," said Lisa. "Come on Brian." she said guiding me out of the dining room.”

“Ok,” I said. I wanted to explore the house and find my exit points. That would be hard with Lisa next to me.

"That was awesome!" Lisa said as soon as we were out of earshot.

"Huh?" I asked as we made it to the stairs.

"I said that was awesome. They deserve it. Come on your room is in what used to be the attic. They remodeled this whole house."

Great they put my room the furthest away so they could forget about me again. I followed her up three flights of stairs. "Your room is right next to mine. So we have the whole attic to ourselves." she opened the door to my room. The room was painted blue. There was a desk with some of my old stuff on it. There was also a brand new computer set up.

"Wow,” was all I could say. I would totally change all of it if I were staying here. I wanted to scream to them that I wasn’t that boy they knew anymore.

"Yeah mom bought you a whole bunch of stuff when the cops told her they found you this morning. She went crazy and we spent all afternoon helping her set up your new stuff. Dad hired you a tutor. I think he's coming by tomorrow. Dad wants you to be a sophomore when the school starts."

"And I am supposed to forgive them? Because they did all this?" I asked Lisa.

"I sure hope not. They are assholes I know trust me. That night they blamed us. They said that if we were there we would have remembered you. They didn't even notice that they forgot you until late. Then they called us and made us look for you.”

“I can’t stay here,” I said then sat on the bed. I was desperate now. I couldn’t even begin to process all of this. I sat down on the bed.

"You know I'm just across the hall when you want to talk,” Lisa said and joined me on the bed. “I know this is rough for you.”

It’s more than rough. None of them can ever know what it feels like to be out there. The unthinkable hell I barely lived through when I was taken. They don’t know what its like to eat rotten food when that’s all you can find or sleeping on cold concrete floors. They don’t know how many nights I wanted to call and have them bring me home, they didn’t want me and they made that clear.

"You know something?” I asked.

"What's that?"

"When I was out there I had something that I never had when I was here. I had a family."

She looked stunned for a second. "Brian you always had a family. When you were gone, I felt like I lost a part of myself. They may have made a horrible mistake Brian but they didn’t stop looking for you. You have every right to be mad but you should know that we all want you here. “

 

I listened to her. I wanted to believe her but part of me felt like this was a rehearsed speech they probably all agreed on.

She put her arms around me. I fought the urge to push her off. "So who's this family you talk about?"

"You know maybe someday I will tell you the whole story. Right now I can't. It's still a little raw."

"It's OK Brian. I'm going to go eat before mom comes up here."

"Ok."

She paused and looked at me. "Hey you know what? Let's go get something to eat somewhere else. My treat.”

"OK," I said. This was my chance as soon as I could I would find a way I was running.

"I'll tell mom and dad," she said. “Come lets go.”

I waited by the front door and noticed five cars in the driveway. "OK let's go. They weren't thrilled but I told them you need it. Come on I know this great place." She led me to the garage and opened the door.

"Wow do they really need five cars?"

"Well those two are mom and dads'. That one is mine. The blue truck is Tim's."

"And that yellow one is yours." said Tim from behind. I turned to look at him.

"Your birthday is next week right?"

"Yeah."

"Well they want you to be able to drive," Lisa added. “They bought it last month when someone said they saw you downtown. Turns out it was someone else but they kept the car just in case.”

I looked at the yellow car. Maybe they were trying. Maybe I’m being harsher than I need to be out of some dumb need for revenge. I thought of how much that car cost my parents to buy. All that money could have fed me the last two years. Maybe they were just trying to buy me back. Give me a reason to stay.

"I already know. I learned a while back when I was stealing cars." That didn’t seem to bother Lisa. If it did she wasn't showing it.

"Hey would you guys mind if I joined?" Tim asked. “Mom and Dad are depressing me."

"I don't mind. Do you?" asked Lisa. I nodded.

"OK let's take my car then," Tim said and we walked over to his car.

"Sit in the front. I can't stand the way he drives," said Lisa. She wanted us to spend some time together. I didn’t care. I was going ditch them both as soon as I could.

I was never really close to Tim but I always wanted to be like him. When I was younger I always tried to be around him and his friends. They were so cool to me but he never had time for me. He was already in high school. His friends didn’t want to hang out with quiet eight graders.

"Do you know where ‘Jimmie's' is?" Lisa asked Tim.

"No. I don't think I've ever been there.” Lisa gave him directions and we drove downtown. The place looked to be a local hang out for teenagers. There was music playing loud and kids all over the place. Lisa led me inside. Some of the kids looked at me not recognizing who I was.

"We would like a booth. Please," Lisa said to the hostess. We followed her as she led us to one of the red booths that lined the far wall. She handed us menus as we sat.

"Your waitress will be with you in a minute," she said before leaving.

The people here weren't the types of kids I was friends with on the streets. Some stared at me. I figured it was because of my black hair or my worn clothes. Some girl said something to a boy that was sitting next to her and giggled. The boy looked at me and quickly turned away.

"So what do you want to eat?" Lisa asked.

I looked at the menu. I wasn't really that hungry. " I just want something to drink," I said.

"You need to eat," She said. "I'll order for you." I nodded in defeat. I wondered when I could find a moment to go to the bathroom. I would run as soon as they weren’t looking.

"So you seem to be the topic of discussion tonight huh?" said Tim.

"Yeah I don't know what their problem is."

"Hey man calm down. I think they like you." He said nodding in that girl’s direction. I turned to look at her and she giggled.

"That's Mary Beth Stevenson. Stay away from her. She's such a slut you'll probably get herpes or something if you got near her." I laughed and Tim just shook his head.

"See I knew we would get you to smile sooner or later." Tim said as the waitress walked over to us.

I looked away as Lisa and Tim ordered. "You know Gran and Grandpa are coming by tomorrow. Good luck," said Lisa as the waitress left with our orders. "They are going to smother you and I know by the end of the day your hair won't be black anymore if Grandpa has anything to say about it."

My mother's parents weren’t the sweet grandparents you saw in movies and TV shows. They were tough on all of us. We had to be perfect Christians. We had to be a part of a sport team. We had to do everything they said. We had to get good grades.

"Yeah he's already on my ass over football," Tim added.

When I was younger I was never good enough for them. I never really excelled in sports and I was never a straight A student and all I cared about was music. I used to love to sing in the school chorus. Every time they saw me they would fuss over it telling me that it wasn’t right. They would complain about it until I just walked away. I'm not thirteen anymore and I wouldn't hesitate to fight back if I were planning on staying of course.

"Let's change the subject," Lisa said and Tim nodded.

Our food came and I just picked at it. Tim ate vigorously and Lisa watched as I picked. "Can I ask you a question?" I nodded. "Does food scare you?"

"Oh no I'm just not really hungry," I answered a little embarrassed. I was hungry. I wanted to eat but I couldn’t and wouldn’t let them see me wanting anything.

"You were always like that. I remember you never wanted to eat when we were younger," added Tim. I smiled.

"I just really never liked her cooking," I said. Tim laughed and so did Lisa.

"See? I thought I was the only one," said Tim, trying desperately to find a connection between us. It was making me a little nauseous. I know he was trying but he and I weren’t ever there and it would be false to think that we’d get there now.

It was time. I excused myself to the bathroom. The bathroom had a window. I pried it open. There was a small ledge on the outside then a four-foot drop. I took the drop and landed on my side. I looked around to see if anyone had seen me then I tried to run but I was being restrained. It was Tim.

“Brian man where are you going?” he asked me.

“Let me go,” I can’t do this. “Please I’m not that kid anymore.”

“Brian Calm down,” Lisa said joining us. She put herself in front of me and I could see her pain. “If you really want to go we’ll take you, but stay with us a while.”

The look on her face wouldn’t let me say no. I couldn’t blame them. I knew they were trying to be there for me. They missed me as much as I missed them. I guess I owed them that at least. I would stay but I would be gone in a few days.

“I’ll stay,” I said. Tim let me go but quickly hugged me after.

“We do miss you,” He whispered in my ear. “We love you Brian.” He pulled me away and held my shoulders. “I mean it.”

We ate our food and we talked about where I’d gone how I lived. They listened when I answered. I listened when they answered my questions. I knew a small tiny part of me wanted this. So much had happened in the two years I was gone. I promised myself that I would try to keep in touch with them.

When we were done with our food Tim pays for everything. I noticed how much he had changed. When I was younger I didn’t exist to him. Now he was really trying and I wanted to get to know him again. What was happening to me? Maybe I missed my siblings more than I thought.

As we left I saw those kids outside again. The boy was staring at me intently now. "What?" I yelled and he turned away quickly.

"Whoa buddy settle down a little," said Tim.

"I just hate when people stare at me. I have black hair. It's not like I'm the only person in the world," I said as I got in Tim's truck. He looked at me apologetically. "I'm sorry it's just a reflex I got from living on the street."

“I think that kid likes you," added Lisa. Tim nervously looked at the rear view mirror.

I looked over to that kid as we pulled away. He looked angry now. "Do any of you know that kids name?" They both shook their heads. He kept looking at us as we pulled out of the parking lot.

"I'll see you guys later. Tell mom I won't be too late," Said Tim when he pulled up to the house. Lisa and I got out of the car.

"Where is he going?" I asked Lisa.

"I don't know he's been really secretive lately. I’m surprised that he went out with us. But I know he’s really glad that you’re back. And so am I”

I looked back as he turned out of the driveway. He was talking to someone on his cell phone. It looked like he was yelling. He caught my eye before he pulled away. He smiled and waved at me.

"Come on Let's go to my room. I want to show you my new painting," said Lisa grabbing my arm. She pulled me past my parents. They looked like they wanted to say something to me. "Tim said he would be back before too late," Yelled Lisa as we made it up the stairs. Kim and Kelly followed us.

She led me into her side of the attic. Lisa had always been a good artist. When we were younger my parents were made aware of her talent early. Her room was just as big as mine. She had a lot of paintings set up all over the place. I saw one she painted of me when we were younger. Kelly and Kim sat down on her bed. I sat in between them as Lisa pulled the tarp of her new painting. Kim held my hand and Kelly leaned into me. I missed them too.

Before I was gone I always played with them. I was always really close to them and I guess things don’t always need to change. That thought made me happy.

"Do you like it?" Lisa asked.

It was a painting of her crying. The tears were red. It was beautiful in a solemn way. "I love it," I said.

"Is that Kool-Aid coming from her eyes," Asked Kim. I laughed.

"Dummy that's not Kool-Aid It's fruit punch," yelled Kelly. I laughed even harder. Lisa joined in and sat next to me.

"I painted that last month when I heard they saw you downtown. I like it a lot."

There was a knock on the door and my mother peered her head in. "Kim. Kelly it's time for bed."

"Aw do we have to?" Asked Kim.

"Yes you do. You have school tomorrow," she said walking into the room. "Is that your new painting?" She asked but Lisa had already thrown the tarp over it.

"Yes," she answered a little coldly.

"Brian honey come on I'll show you where the towels and pajamas are. You probably want a hot shower." I nodded and looked over to Lisa who was now really pissed. I followed her out to the hallway. Kim and Kelly took the stairs down giggling. My mother stopped by a closet. "This closet is where I keep the towels. Your pajamas are in the top drawer of your dresser. I hope that I got everything you need. I put some cash for you by the table in case you needed anything."

"Thanks," I said noticing the wallet on the dresser. Her eyes were watery.

"I missed you so much. I Love you Brian," She said trying to smother me as she embraced me. “I know you aren’t happy with us. I just hope you can forgive us Brian. We never stopped looking for you. Dad and I want you to know that.”

"I missed you too," I said more out of courtesy than actual feeling. I didn’t know what to say. On one hand I was angry with them. On the other I could see how much they really did want me back. I guess a small part of me felt guilty too. I could have called just to tell them I was ok.

She broke the embrace and led me to the bathroom I shared with Lisa. "I got you some toiletries there in that bag. I also got you a robe I'll put it on the door for you,” She paused for a moment wiping her eyes. She looked at me for a moment taking me in. “OK good night I'll see you tomorrow honey. Maybe we can go shopping for some clothes and anything else you need." I nodded and then locked the door after she left. Lisa came in from the other door.

"Did she leave?" asked Lisa.

"Yeah," I answered.

"I hate it when she tries to look at my work. She criticizes it every time. There is always something that could be better," Lisa says.

"I think this is going to be a problem," I said completely ignoring what she said. My attention was on the doors to our shared bathroom.

"Oh don't worry about that. All you have to do is lock my side when you are in and I won’t bother you," She said. "Hey I want to show you something." She grabbed my hand and led me out to the hallway and to a door at the far end. On the other side of the door there was stairs that led to the roof of the house. "Isn't it awesome?" I looked over the edge. There was an awesome view of the lake from the roof. The moon was reflecting on the water.

"Wow," I said. I noticed Tim pull in. "Hey there is Tim. Who's that with him?" I asked as another car pulled up next to him.

"I don't know. I haven't seen, wait isn't that the kid from the restaurant? The one that was looking at you?"

"Yeah I think so." I was caught of guard when they kissed.

"Oh my god," she said pulling me inside. "I knew it. I knew it." I was so confused at this point. I mean wow Tim is gay. "That's why he's been so secretive. That kid wasn't looking at you but at Tim. Come on let's go in before he notices that we were up there."

The shower was awesome. It poured like a rain shower. I was in there for a long time. I put on the ugly pajamas mom had gotten me and walked into my room. Tim was sitting on the bed. "Um hi." I said to him.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Yeah sure," I said walking over to the bed. I

"I want to tell you something that I hope you can understand. Do you remember that guy you saw in the restaurant? The one that kept staring at you when we were leaving, well he is my boy friend. His name is Connor."

"I know." He looked at me "I just saw you kiss him."

"I, I just wanted to tell you because." Tim was nervous.

"Because you think that maybe I will understand," I finished the sentence for him. "I'll tell you what. Look at this picture," I said as I handed him a picture from my wallet. "That's my boyfriend Brady"

"Both of you?" said Lisa who apparently was listening from the bathroom door. Tim looked like a dear caught in the headlights. I smiled.

"Yeah me too," I said she walked over to Tim and grabbed the picture.

"He's cute. Tell me about them boys. I would like to know my brothers-in-law before I meet them."

I let Tim go first. I listened intently as he described his boyfriend Connor. He talked for about an hour. He spilled everything from how they met to how they started dating. Lisa asked a few questions and so did I. He answered them with a glow in his eyes.

We started to doze off at some point. I never got to tell them about Brady. I wasn't ready to share that with them. Tim and Lisa fell asleep on my bed next to me. I was glad my mother had bought me a king size bed. I was also glad they stayed with me.

It reminded me of my friends on the street. When it was cold we'd always huddle together in the alley or where ever we could find a dry spot.

I woke earlier than they did and skipped to the bathroom to take a leak. When I was finished Tim was waking up. "Hey I'm sorry I fell asleep in your bed."

"It's okay," I said as I looked around for something to wear. The closet was filled with clothes. I picked out a pair of black cargo's and a black t-shirt. I walked over to the bathroom I took a shower and changed into the clothes.

I heard car doors closing. I walked over to the window. Sure enough there was my Grandparents. My grandfather looked up to my window. I could already smell the disapproval coming my way. It was going to be a long day.

I was ready. I heard the footsteps coming. The tension intensified, as he got closer. “Brian!” He called. I remember the anger in that voice. I looked away from the window as he walked into my room. Tim looked ready to shit his pants. “Brian!”

I saw a flash of anger on his face when I didn't answer him. He walked closer to me. “You know I will not call you a third time. I expect an answer when I call you. Are we clear Brian?” He said as he grabbed my arm.

“I don't need to do shit and you grab me like that again I will punch you across the face. I don't give a fuck who you are gramps.” I saw the anger seep from him like lava from a volcano. Tim looked at me like I just cut his head off.

“Young man you are a part of this family. I expect you to act as such.”

“What? You expect me to act like an asshole. I don't owe this family shit. I'm not here because I want to be and I am not going to pretend just for your sake,” I yelled. That seemed to get him down right furious. He turned around and walked out of the room.

“Oh my god,” Said Tim. “I've never seen him that furious in my life. Not even when I told him I was quitting football.”

One thing I hated was being grabbed. I had gone through a lot when I lived on the street. It was the one thing that brought me over the edge. If that old fart wanted a fight I was ready to give it to him.

We made our way downstairs. My parents were getting ready to go to church. My grandfather was yelling at my mother. Kim and Kelly were having a conversation with my grandmother. Dad looked at me. “Brian!” yelled my grandmother. “Oh Brian.” She said as she made her way towards me. She hugged me. I let her do it but I wasn't really ready to reciprocate. “Oh my have you grown. And that hair it looks good on you,” She said to my surprise.

“You like my hair?” I asked, dumbfounded.

“Yeah it's very you,” She said, pulling a strand of my long hair in place. “I like what you’ve done here.”

“But Gramps,” I started to say but she cut me off.

“Don't worry about him. He can't expect you all to be like him. Besides how would I tell you guys apart? You are almost Tim's copy. Oh dear but you are going to need to change that shirt. We are going to church honey.”

I changed into a nice white shirt I found in the closet. “That looks nice on you,” said Lisa. “Mom asked me to tell you to grab one of the jackets she got you.” I looked in the closet and picked out a black jacket.

“I can’t believe everyone still goes to church.”

“Well at this point it's just a matter of habit. Mom and Dad want to present you at our new church.”

“What? ”

“Hey we all had to do it,” Lisa said and handed me a black tie. “Here try this on.”

Lisa helped me with the tie. “I think this looks really good. One more thing.” I watched as she left the room and came back a few moments later carrying a bottle of gel and a comb.

“What are you doing?” I asked her.

“I am fixing your hair,” She said and dropped a ton of gel in my hair, which she spread across my head. A few minutes later my hair looked really good. My hair was slicked back. “Now you look like a magazine model. Come on lets go.”

The church was one of those fancy new age looking churches with the huge glass windows. It was on the other side of the lake. There were a lot of people outside greeting each other as we pulled up. Some waved at my parents and approached as we parked.

“Here goes nothing,” I said to Tim as we got out of his car.

Grandpa was still fuming. Grandma just smiled at me. I couldn't believe how nice she was being to me. I made a mental note to ask her why later. I heard Grandpa make a comment about my hair. I gave him a nasty look that made him back off a little. I knew he just didn't want to make a scene at church. I was going to get it later.

Mom and dad introduced me to an endless amount of people. Every one of them was a copy of our family minus me of course. My grandfather forced a smile as people greeted us. A few moments later the Pastor joined us.

“Hello pastor Shaw,” said my mother as she hugged him.

“Mr. Black. How are you? I heard you've had good news,” Pastor Shaw said as he shook my father’s hand.

“Oh yes. I would like you to meet my son, Brian.”

God was going to strike me because I was totally checking out this guy. He was hot. “Hello Brian.” he said as he extended his hand to me. “Call me Dave.” I shook his hand and smiled politely. “I hear that you have a set of pipes on you.”

When I was younger I used to sing in the choir at my old church. Every time I sang I felt like I was free. When I was on the street I used to sing for my friends. Especially Brady. He loved my singing.

“Why don't you sing for us today after my sermon?” He asked I suddenly felt uncomfortable.

“I don't think he's ready for that just yet,” said my father to my relief.

“We are having lunch together after the service. Why don't you join us?” my mother added.

“Oh I would love that but I have to tend to the teen choir today we have auditions. I would like it if your son would join us someday.”

“Maybe another time I haven't sung in a long time,” I said. He seemed satisfied. I really wasn't about to sing to a hundred people I did not know. I was already the center of attention here and the last thing I wanted was to stick out more.

The service wasn't as boring as I thought it was going to be. Pastor Shaw spoke effortlessly to the congregation. Everybody listened to him attentively. “He's kind of hot isn't he?” asked Lisa as we left the church.

“Uh huh. Isn't it a sin to like the pastor like that?”

“Wait till you see his son. Oh there he is.” She motioned for him to come closer. “He is your new tutor.”

The words tall, dark, and handsome came to mind. It was like the younger hotter version of pastor Shaw. I was transfixed, as he got closer to us. “Hi Lisa,” He said as he approached us.

“Hi Tyler. This is my brother Brian.”

“Hi,” I said.

He smiled and extended his hand towards me. “Hi Brian. I hope you liked the sermon.” I nodded. “We have choir auditions today. My father wants us ready for Christmas. I heard you could sing.”

“Oh are you still coming by tonight?” Lisa asked him.

“Yeah I should be by around five. Your father says there is quite a lot of work to cover and we only have a month,” He said to me.

“My father wants me to be a sophomore when school starts again after the break. I don't know how he expects to pull that off,” I said.

“Don't worry we'll get you in,” Tyler said. “We just need to work hard at it.”

“Brian? Lisa? We're leaving,” Yelled my mother.

“Hey we have to go but I will see you tonight,” I said to Tyler. I was sad to leave him.

Lunch was an ordeal. We all sat around the table as my mother and grandmother placed plates of food before us. My grandfather was still glaring at me. He looked like he was having a heart attack. I could only hope.

“Here honey,” said my mother as she placed a giant plate of food before me. I looked at the food. I was hungry but the food looked scary. I think I ate better when I was out on the street. Tim had the same look on his face. “I'm going to take you out tomorrow to get some things. I need to get you a cell phone.”

“What he needs is a hair cut,” Grandpa added. He was never really a subtle man. I glared at him and I gripped my butter knife. “Then he can act like a respectable member of this family. No grandson of mine will act like a”

“James leave the boy alone,” said my grandmother, cutting him off. “What he needs is our support now.”

“What he needs is a good old fashioned beating,” he muttered.

“You touch me and I will take this knife and stab you with it!” I yelled back.

“Brian!” my father yelled at.

I learned one thing in the last couple of years. Never back away from a fight. I had been in numerous fights and I never backed away from one. Even when I knew I was going to lose a black eye was better than being called a pussy. You had a reputation to keep on the streets. It was the only way you survived.

“Listen to me you little shit. I knew you would never amount to much. I saw it in you when nobody else saw it. I'll be damned if I have one of you disgusting,” He got out before I cut him off.

“What? Disgusting what. You mean faggot right. You know what? I don't have to answer to you or any of you. I answer to me and just me. I'm not here because I want to be. I'm here because it's either this or juvenile hall. Right now though I think that's a better choice.” I regretted it as soon as I said it. I could see the pain on my parent’s faces.

My grandfather grabbed my arm. “If you ever talk to me that way again I will beat the faggot out of you boy.” I punched him across the face and he went down.

“That’s right a faggot knocked you down,” I yelled. “I told you not to touch me!” I was going to hit him again when I saw my little sisters looking at me. I had fallen to his level. I felt the shame rising.

I walked away from the table dropping the knife as I left. I ran up to the attic and headed up to the roof. When I got there I totally broke down. Why was living with his family an uphill struggle? Kelly came up and sat next to me.

“I don't like him either,” She said hugging me as I broke down. “Brian I don't want you to leave.”

“I won't Kelly. I promise.” It broke my heart to lie to her but as soon as I could talk to Lisa I was going to make her take me back. I wasn’t part of this family. I was the outsider and I let them bring out the worst in me.

“We are putting up the Christmas tree tonight. And I want you there.”

We were there for a few minutes when I heard yelling coming from the front. “Don't you ever threaten my son again? If I ever see you near him again I will be the next one to hit you,” My father was yelling. I walked over to the railing. “Get out of my house!” My father was yelling at my grandfather.

“Your son is a faggot. You can't let that boy run around like that,” Grandpa said.

“Get the fuck out,” This time it was my mother who yelled. I covered Kelly's ears. “I don't want you to come around here any more dad!”

“Come on,” I said to Kelly. We walked back downstairs. My mother met me halfway down. She had tears in her eyes.

“Brian can I speak with you please?” I nodded. She led me back upstairs. My father came into the room as we sat on my bed. He locked the door. I was expecting the worst. I felt awful for what I had said. I always let my anger take control.

“Mom, Dad I didn’t mean what I said,” I began but my father stopped me.

“Brian I know right now things are confusing. I know that you don't want to be here, but that doesn't mean we don't want you here,” said my father. “Your mother and I, well we've learned some things. Especially from your two older siblings that we should have learned a long time ago.” My father sat next to me. “We love you and while we don’t have the best history of showing you that were only human.”

“We looked at ourselves and realized that it was our fault. We never really encouraged or treated you the same. We knew you were different and I guess we didn't know how to deal with that. We are ready now. We want you to be here. We want you to be our son. We know you are a different person now than what you where back then, but we are ready for that,” said my mother.

I wanted to run so bad, to go back to Brady. He was so far from me right now. He was where I wanted to be. But they were wearing me down. That small part of me that wanted to stay was growing now and no matter how hard I wanted to resist I hugged my dad.

“Your mother is right we are here for you,” said my father as he held me.

“We just want you to be our son and we don't expect anything more,” my mother added, joining our hug fest.

Maybe I was so used to being a hard ass that I never knew how much I wanted this. For the first time since I had been back I felt like I was home. My parents were trying.

“You guys can come in now,” I yelled. Tim, Lisa, Kim and Kelly came bursting in from the bathroom and our hug fest became a mosh pit on my bed. I was truly home.

“Can I talk to you?” Tim asked my parents.

“Come on let's go finish eating,” I said to Kim and Kelly. Lisa followed.

“Oh you should have seen it. Dad was so pissed. I thought he was going to really kill Grandpa,” said Lisa as we reached the dining room. “I'm so glad you are here. I can’t believe it. You stood up to him.”

“Well he deserved it. I told you I was ready for him and if he wanted to mess with me he had another thing coming,” I said.

I was surprised to see that my grand mother was still there. She smiled at us as we sat around the table. “Well children that was rough,” She said.

“I'm sorry,” I said shyly.

She smiled and handed me a plate. “Don't you worry, Grandpa just needs to realize that this family is not his personal army. I lived through thirty six years of that I'm not under his control anymore.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“We divorced last year Brian. I couldn't be happier.” I smiled and sat next to her.

“Now Brian I expect you to fill me in on what's hip. I want to find myself a new man,” I almost choked with laughter. Lisa and my grandmother also laughed.

We ate giggling at random things as we waited for my parents to finish. “How long do you think it's going to take?” Asked Kim.

“I don't know.” I answered as she played with her mashed potatoes.

The doorbell rang. “That must be Tyler.” Said Lisa as she stood up to get the doorbell. I came up behind her. “Hi Tyler,” she said as she opened the door.

“Hey Lisa,” he said. “Hello Brian, I'm actually here to apologize. I can't stay tonight. It's just that my dad needs help. I'm sorry.”

“It's Okay Tyler,” I said.

“Hey why don't you come with me? I'll have you back before late,” Tyler said.

“Uh I don't know my parent's.”

“He'll go,” said Lisa. “I'll tell mom and dad,” Lisa said pushing me out the door.

We drove back to the church. He seemed nervous about something. He kept looking at me and then away. “Are you okay?” I asked. He looked away uncomfortably.

“Yeah I'm just stressing over the choir. We don't have a good male lead yet and all those that audition are good but not enough to carry the choir.”

“And you were hoping I'd audition.”

“Uh no, I mean yes but only if you want to I'm not going to force you,” he said. “Lisa said you had an amazing voice.”

I was really hesitant to do it but it meant that I could spend more time with him. “I'll do it Tyler.”

“Really? Thanks Brian I really appreciate that.”

He showed me three songs I chose Adeste Fideles. “That's a beautiful song. Are you sure you can sing that?” He asked as I stepped up to the stage. Pastor Shaw came and stood next to him. I began to sing.

“O come, all ye faithful, Joyful and triumphant, O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem.”

“I’ve heard enough and you are my new lead,” Said Pastor Shaw. “That was beautifully sung.”

“But I only sang the first verse,” I said. “Don’t you want to hear more?”

“I don't need to hear any more. You are the best that's come here all day. Right Tyler?” Tyler nodded and he smiled. “Don't worry about it you will be great.”

“Come on let's try these other song,” Said Tyler. I sang the rest of the songs. Pastor Shaw chose. He had given me a list, which he wanted me to solo for. I knew all of the songs well. Christmas mass was three weeks away. I was going to open the show with Adeste Fideles then I would sing little drummer boy. My last song was the carol of the bells. Pastor Shaw wanted me to sing that one with the Female Lead and the rest of the Choir would back us off.

“I'm so glad you joined the choir. I don't know what I would have done if it wasn't for you,” Tyler said. “Here I was supposed to tutor you and you end up saving our butts.”

“I just feel like a hypocrite.”

“Why?”

“Well I'm not what you would call an avid Church fan.”

“Neither am I. I respect that my father is a pastor and I support him. I know that he believes in his religion, but he respects me and my choices.”

“Well I think I fall under a separate category than you do.”

He seemed to ponder that for a moment and the realizing what I meant he looked at me. I wasn't going to lie to anyone. If they had a problem they could just keep it to themselves.

“You're gay?”

“Yes Tyler. I am gay. If you have a problem let me know and I can get a new tutor.”

“Brian why would I have a problem?” he said as he showed me his pride color bracelet. “I just wouldn't spread that too far here. It could be dangerous.”

“Wow does your father know?”

“No I haven't been able to tell him. I don't want to be a disappointment to him.”

“I don't like hiding the fact that I'm gay,” I said.

“Being the pastor's son it's hard not too.”

“I can understand that.”

“Come on I'll take you home,” Tyler said as he handed me copies of the music I was going to sing.

It was dark out when I got home. I walked inside my grandma was watching cartoons with Kim and Kelly. My father was making dinner and my mom was bringing cardboard boxes that I assumed where the Christmas decorations. “Hi Brian,” said Lisa as she came own the stairs. “Go get ready we have a certain someone to meet tonight.”

“What?”

“We are going to meet Tim's boyfriend.”

“Really?”

“Yeah Tim decided to introduce him to mom and dad then we are going out with them downtown.”

I took a shower and picked out a pair of jeans and a nice shirt.

“That looks good on you. If I didn't know better I would have thought that you were trying to seduce my boyfriend,” Tim said entering my room.

“Thanks,” I said. “But I already have a boyfriend.” I wanted to stay. I had to now that I was part of the choir. What had I done? I couldn’t break that promise to Brady. I told him I would be back as soon as I could.

Tim looked at me. “Do you know where he is? Maybe we could go meet him.” He walked over to the window. “You have such a great view. I can't believe they gave you this room.”

“Hey do you mean it?” I asked. “Would you take me to see Brady?”

Tim smiled. “I think it’s a good idea.”

I joined Tim at the window. “Thank you.” Tim smiled and put an arm around me.

“Anything for you Brian,” he said. “But lets not tell mom and dad just yet.”

We stayed like that for a few minutes. The snow was starting to fall now. Brady used to love the snow. He always made snowmen for us. I missed him now more than ever. Tears welled up in my eyes. “Brady is why you wanted to leave right?”

“Yeah, I miss him so much,” I said. “I can’t stay here when he’s out there.”

“This is hard,” Tim said pulling away. “I can’t ask you to stay if you need to be out there. I can take you to him but you have to promise me that you will keep in touch with us Brian. We are your family too.”

My brother never seemed so cool to me than in that moment. I knew he didn’t like it but he wanted me to be happy. I would have to work out a way to still be a part of the choir.

“Hey it's snowing,” Tim said. “The lake looks awesome when it snows.” We watched the snow falling on the lake when a car pulled up.

“Your Boyfriend is here.”

“Hey why don’t you pack some things you might need,” Tim said. “Put them in my truck. I'm going down. I'll see you in a bit.”

I was still thinking of Brady as I packed some clothes. I met Brady when the man that kidnapped me left me on the street. I was far away from home in a strange new world. Brady took me under his wing until I had learned to survive. He was everything to me. I cared so much for him without him I wouldn’t survive.

When I walked down from the attic my parents were Giving Connor the third degree. Quietly I slipped by everyone to the garage to place my stuff in Tim’s car. This was tough decision but I couldn’t leave Brady out there alone. Lisa was frowning at me when I joined the rest of the family. Kelly and Kim were still transfixed on the TV they were watching some cartoon about a yellow sponge I hadn't seen before.

“Connor? This is Brian,” said Tim I extended my hand to Connor he blushed. He was a very good-looking guy. He had met Tim during a football scrimmage a few months before.

“I'm sorry about the other day. I didn't mean to stare at you,” Said Connor I laughed.

“I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell at you. I just didn't know you,” I said.

Grandma walked out and introduced herself. He seemed extremely nervous. I pulled Tim aside. “He seems really nice.”

“I know I'm so happy. Let's eat. Mom actually let dad cook. This should be interesting to say the least.”

For the second time that day we sat at that table as a family. Yet this time it really felt like one. There was no bad feelings or intentions. I was warming up to this family. My parent's were certainly trying and I felt bad this was the last time I would eat with all of them.

“So Connor I hear that you play football for Mayberry,” asked my father. Tim just shook his head. Maybe they were being too normal.

“Yeah I'm a fullback,” He answered. I'm sure he was wondering what strange world we were from.

“Mom, Dad enough with the third degree,” said Tim.

“Hey I'm just making conversation,” replied my father as he winked to my mom.

“Hey I have good news,” I said hoping they would take it well.

“What's that honey?” asked my mother.

“I'm going to sing with the church choir for Christmas mass,” I announced.

“Oh dear that's great,” Said my grandmother. She stood up and gave me a hug.

“That's is good news,” said my mother. “Do you know what songs you are going to sing?”

I filled them in on the details. Tim was giving me a sad stare. Lisa wouldn’t even give me that. My mother offered to get me a vocal coach. My father Called up Pastor Shaw asking him if there was something he could do. After dinner my mother insisted we help set up the Christmas three. I found a glass bulb that had my name etched onto it. “I gave you that when you were seven,” Said Grandma as she helped my father hang the lights.

“I remember it. I thought mom had lost it.”

“No I just put it away because it was so special and I didn't want you to break it. Mom gave me one just like it when I was a little girl,” Said my mother as she brought out another box of ornaments.

“Wow this tree is going to look so good!” Screamed Kelly.

When we were done it looked awesome. My father topped the tree with a big white star that was adorned with lights. It looked really good.

“Are you ready to go?” asked Lisa. “I guess we have to get this over with.”

“Lisa don’t hate me please,” I said, holding her hands. She pulled away.

“She’ll be ok,” Tim said. “Come on lets go.”

I told Tim where to go and we drove in silence to the city. Lisa stared out the window and I could see the tears coming from her eyes. I felt awful. I watched as we approached the city. Brady was in the north of the city.

“Where does this boyfriend of yours Reside?” asked Tim as we got off the highway.

“Head north,” I said.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Lisa asked. “ We could take you to see him whenever you want.” She was desperate for me to stay. I wouldn’t put them through that. It would never work. One day I would leave and not come back.

“Lisa he has to do what he has to do,” Tim said.

“Lisa please don’t hate me,” I said, pulling her close. “I can’t leave him out there alone. He saved my life and I owe him everything.”

Tim drove north for a few miles when I saw him. He was at a corner with some other kids. I smiled. I got to see him again. Brady was so close. “Hey Tim Pull over,” I said and jumped out of his truck. As I approached I saw something that broke me. He grabbed another boy and kissed him...