Bless the Beasts and the Children - 9. Chapter 9

There were times, such as this, when Remus thought he just might lose control and give in to Sirius’ desire for their ultimate union.

Not that Remus didn’t wish to be joined with Sirius—he absolutely did. But there were so many ramifications, so much to be considered. First was the fact of their youth and inexperience. Neither one had ever had a lover. Remus was well aware that Sirius had done some experimenting with girls when puberty first hit and his hormones had run amok. But nothing more than kissing, although that was hard enough for Remus to hear about when he’d known from the beginning that Sirius was it for him.

Still, in the end, it had all worked out, once they’d shared their first kiss. And Sirius had never done anything to make Remus doubt his constancy.

Second, there was Remus’ “condition”. Sometimes he was afraid of his inner wolf. What if it got loose and tried to harm Sirius during the throes of passion? Even if it was accidental, that would be small consolation to Remus if he did anything to harm Sirius. He could never forgive himself.

There were other problems, such as the difference in their social status. Sirius claimed it made no difference to him, and that he didn’t care if Remus was pureblood or not. But what if that changed as they grew older? What if Sirius came to appreciate the advantages of being with someone who was… more like him? Or, Merlin forbid, what if he wanted to marry and have children someday?

These thoughts and others plagued Remus constantly. But mostly he was afraid of the unknown. He wanted to make love to Sirius so badly he could taste it, but he wasn’t exactly sure how to go about it. And there wasn’t anyone he could go to for advice.

But when Sirius’ mouth was on his, and when Sirius had his hand pressed against Remus’ hardness, it was becoming harder and harder to say no.

“Sirius,” Remus moaned, his first brain protesting that Sirius was hiding something and covering it up by engaging Remus in heavy petting. Remus’ second brain responded with “Who cares? Let him”.

It wasn’t until Sirius slipped his hand inside Remus’ robes, and snaked its way past his trousers and into his pants, cupping Remus’ cock, that Remus drew back from Sirius’ mouth.

“Sirius, what are you doing?” he hissed.

“I want to touch you,” Sirius confessed. “I want to feel you so much. I just want to make you feel good, watch your face when you come. You make the most amazing face when you do, did you know that?” Sirius continued to stroke Remus’ cock, and damn it felt so good. But these weren’t exactly ideal circumstances and he knew it. James or Peter or Frank could walk through that door at any moment. And while their friends knew about them being a couple, knowing it and see it were two different things.

So far, they’d gotten lucky, but their luck couldn’t hold forever.

“Stop, Sirius,” he begged, his anxieties kicking in and making him almost desperate. “Please. If you do…you can come to my bed tonight. After the others are asleep.”

Sirius stilled his hand, although he didn’t remove it, and the warmth of it was driving Remus bonkers. “Can I stay all night?” He quickly amended that when Remus started to panic. “I’ll get up and go back to my bed before anyone sees me. I promise.”

Remus had never let him stay very long past the time of their limited lovemaking. The idea of lying in each other’s arms for the night… Remus wanted that too, he truly did. And between them, they knew charms that would conceal their presence from the others, as well as hide as the sounds of their lovemaking.

“Yes,” Remus conceded. “You can stay with me all night. But for Merlin’s sake, please move your hand or… or…” He couldn’t think of anything sufficiently dire to say, but luckily Sirius acted with alacrity.

“Tonight, then.” Sirius’s eyes were shining with excitement, and just the sight of his Sirius’ obvious desire was an ego booster.

Suddenly, Remus cocked his head, listening. “Someone’s coming, quick!”

By the time James and Peter walked in, Remus and Sirius were sitting on opposite ends of Remus’ bed, each with a book in his hands, diligently studying it. And Remus made sure Sirius’ was not upside down this time.

It wasn’t until later that Remus realized he’d never found out what Sirius and James had been up to. He sighed. What else was new? He let it drop… for now.